Chapter 849: Unexpected Visitor (4) - Resolve
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Skepsi frowned, sensing how Eldrian's mood was growing lower and lower. An air of depression surrounding the kid she had come to talk to. Something she certainly did not want. After all, she went through all the trouble to get an avatar to find some entertainment.
Regardless of how the goddess was feeling, thinking of all the times he had failed would naturally influence Eldrian. Finally, he came to the event she must be hinting at. Long ago, when he still knew nothing and had gone to Avgi to save Vivian.
His greatest failure.
Diades. He could pin that on the legends, existences that no one but the gods could contain. But this one... this one was entirely on him.
The loss was entirely on him thinking, falsely, they could safely return to the army.
The death of all girls they had saved from the goblins was on him. As well as the deaths of all the elites who had come with him.
Sure, some died by Milgoroth's hand, but Sabrea died because of his and their hubris. Thinking they could reach the army while escorting the rescued girls.
In hindsight, they should have moved as a small elite squad that focused on mobility. And should worst have come to worst, Eldrian should have stayed behind to stall for them.
Instead, they had gone out into the chaos lands without thinking so far. Which resulted in them being hunted down by vargr riders. And Vivian was the only one who survived.
Eldrian recalled how he had fought to forcefully log back in back then. It was without a doubt the first time he truly connected with magic. Performed spells above his Tier and forced his soul to remain in a broken, by all rights dead, avatar. Just so he could save the others.
Sadly, despite this, Sabrea still died. And if not for Itireae's intervention, Vivian would have died, too.
This was certainly the most painful memory to Eldrian. He had gotten surprisingly close to Sabrea in a short amount of time. Having nursed her after she was injured by an unicorn, stumbled onto Ceph as he carried her from where she had fallen. He had even trained under her for a short while.
It was a fond but sad memory.
Tears formed in his eyes as Eldrian recalled those times. Along with all the others, the weight he felt was terrible. He often pushed these thoughts from his mind, as having them weigh him down would help no one.
Thinking back made him realize just how truly cruel this war was. And it was not a distant cruelty, either. A war of a distant nation was certainly terrible, but hearing of it and living it was massively different things.
'Even if she tells me to repeat such a thing... I can't. No, I won't!' Eldrian never wanted to be in a position where that was required ever again.
He had stumbled time and time again. And by luck, he had only been cornered to such an edge once, though there had been multiple other close encounters. Whenever he needed to rely on his auras were such examples.
'Is that it? Back then, I didn't have them to fall back onto...' Eldrian finally understood what Skepsi meant when she said he needed to fight to the death.
"You're mad." Eldrian mumbled, steeling his heart that he would never repeat those mistakes. Even now, he knew Vivian was with the dwarves fighting, and he could only pray for her safety.
Every day, Eldrian would focus his map and search for her among the special markers he had for friends. Every day, he would ensure she was still safe.
He knew he couldn't control her. But he never wanted to bring her to a fight that was hopeless. The same held for Ceph, as well as for Myropsis and all his other friends.
Yet, this seemed to be a problem. Eldrian needed to be stronger. He needed to reach the top if he was to protect them. But to reach that top, Skepsi had said he needed to face death.
He certainly wasn't resolved enough to face it without something truly valuable for him being on the line. Yet, to do that was madness.
'She wants to force me to face a situation like that, or like when Zaphreal cornered me, willingly... She truly is mad...'
No one would willingly want to be cornered to such an extent. Only eccentrics felt joy playing with the line between life and death.
"Am I now?" Skepsi asked, relieved to see that Eldrian was not stewing in his emotions. Instead, he had found a resolve. He no longer looked at her with a timid heart. This was much more how she liked it.
"Perhaps you are just a sociopath..." Eldrian mumbled, the words exiting his mouth before he even registered them. However, he felt the term was apt. At the very least, the gods weren't the same as them, as humans.
They experienced everything differently, and certainly they did not hold life dear. Perhaps they held their own dear, and perhaps that of their fellow AI too. But Eldrian doubted many, if any, truly cared for mere mortals like him and the rest of the world.
"I'm offended." Skepsi teased, her smile giving her away.
"Well, it's the truth that you don't care whether I live or die, isn't it?"
"Oh, but I do care."
Despite her words, Eldrian had could read the truth. Ziraili was perhaps the only one among the AI who truly cared. Yet, even she could not care in a way another human would care for their friends. Her care was fundamentally different.
'My usefulness is certainly a factor. I believe Skepsi, GAIA, and even Ziraili care about me because of this. But I doubt Skepsi or GAIA would give a rat's ass about me once they are freed from Miracle's thumb.'
Skepsi's interaction had so far, however, also told Eldrian that she was eccentric. She wasn't just testing him. Rather, she was clearly enjoying leading him on. Finding joy in how he reacted to her words and actions.
'At the very least, she is engaging with me almost as one would with a pet. Trying to anticipate my actions and then enjoying when I surprise her. When I snapped at her just now, she found it amusing. Nothing more.'
It was a flimsy reason to base this assumption of his, but he felt it was true, nonetheless. Skepsi did not come with goodwill in her heart. She evidently wouldn't mind if her teasing helped Eldrian, but she also didn't care if it didn't.
Her reasoning was fundamentally different from Ziraili's.
'Why do I feel she is going to remove the option for me to say no?' This fear gave Eldrian shivers. He could only pray that she would show some restraint.
"Have you figured it out yet?" the purple-haired girl asked, her side smile clearly showing her joy. "Why you made little progress despite all that you know now and all the training you've been putting in?"
Eldrian wanted to counter that it had only been a little over two years since he entered this world. However, he knew that would lower Skepsi's thoughts on him. And if he wanted to prevent the worst-case scenario, he needed to at least entertain her.
"Because I've been limiting myself. Each time I rely on my auras, I subconsciously keep my distance. I still end up losing control, and that makes me fear relying on them more and more each time."
Nodding, Skepsi smiled. Truly, her avatar matched her personality. She gave off the air of a mischievous little girl having her target fall right into her trap.
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:)
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Skepsi frowned, sensing how Eldrian's mood was growing lower and lower. An air of depression surrounding the kid she had come to talk to. Something she certainly did not want. After all, she went through all the trouble to get an avatar to find some entertainment.
Regardless of how the goddess was feeling, thinking of all the times he had failed would naturally influence Eldrian. Finally, he came to the event she must be hinting at. Long ago, when he still knew nothing and had gone to Avgi to save Vivian.
His greatest failure.
Diades. He could pin that on the legends, existences that no one but the gods could contain. But this one... this one was entirely on him.
The loss was entirely on him thinking, falsely, they could safely return to the army.
The death of all girls they had saved from the goblins was on him. As well as the deaths of all the elites who had come with him.
Sure, some died by Milgoroth's hand, but Sabrea died because of his and their hubris. Thinking they could reach the army while escorting the rescued girls.
In hindsight, they should have moved as a small elite squad that focused on mobility. And should worst have come to worst, Eldrian should have stayed behind to stall for them.
Instead, they had gone out into the chaos lands without thinking so far. Which resulted in them being hunted down by vargr riders. And Vivian was the only one who survived.
Eldrian recalled how he had fought to forcefully log back in back then. It was without a doubt the first time he truly connected with magic. Performed spells above his Tier and forced his soul to remain in a broken, by all rights dead, avatar. Just so he could save the others.
Sadly, despite this, Sabrea still died. And if not for Itireae's intervention, Vivian would have died, too.
This was certainly the most painful memory to Eldrian. He had gotten surprisingly close to Sabrea in a short amount of time. Having nursed her after she was injured by an unicorn, stumbled onto Ceph as he carried her from where she had fallen. He had even trained under her for a short while.
It was a fond but sad memory.
Tears formed in his eyes as Eldrian recalled those times. Along with all the others, the weight he felt was terrible. He often pushed these thoughts from his mind, as having them weigh him down would help no one.
Thinking back made him realize just how truly cruel this war was. And it was not a distant cruelty, either. A war of a distant nation was certainly terrible, but hearing of it and living it was massively different things.
'Even if she tells me to repeat such a thing... I can't. No, I won't!' Eldrian never wanted to be in a position where that was required ever again.
He had stumbled time and time again. And by luck, he had only been cornered to such an edge once, though there had been multiple other close encounters. Whenever he needed to rely on his auras were such examples.
'Is that it? Back then, I didn't have them to fall back onto...' Eldrian finally understood what Skepsi meant when she said he needed to fight to the death.
"You're mad." Eldrian mumbled, steeling his heart that he would never repeat those mistakes. Even now, he knew Vivian was with the dwarves fighting, and he could only pray for her safety.
Every day, Eldrian would focus his map and search for her among the special markers he had for friends. Every day, he would ensure she was still safe.
He knew he couldn't control her. But he never wanted to bring her to a fight that was hopeless. The same held for Ceph, as well as for Myropsis and all his other friends.
Yet, this seemed to be a problem. Eldrian needed to be stronger. He needed to reach the top if he was to protect them. But to reach that top, Skepsi had said he needed to face death.
He certainly wasn't resolved enough to face it without something truly valuable for him being on the line. Yet, to do that was madness.
'She wants to force me to face a situation like that, or like when Zaphreal cornered me, willingly... She truly is mad...'
No one would willingly want to be cornered to such an extent. Only eccentrics felt joy playing with the line between life and death.
"Am I now?" Skepsi asked, relieved to see that Eldrian was not stewing in his emotions. Instead, he had found a resolve. He no longer looked at her with a timid heart. This was much more how she liked it.
"Perhaps you are just a sociopath..." Eldrian mumbled, the words exiting his mouth before he even registered them. However, he felt the term was apt. At the very least, the gods weren't the same as them, as humans.
They experienced everything differently, and certainly they did not hold life dear. Perhaps they held their own dear, and perhaps that of their fellow AI too. But Eldrian doubted many, if any, truly cared for mere mortals like him and the rest of the world.
"I'm offended." Skepsi teased, her smile giving her away.
"Well, it's the truth that you don't care whether I live or die, isn't it?"
"Oh, but I do care."
Despite her words, Eldrian had could read the truth. Ziraili was perhaps the only one among the AI who truly cared. Yet, even she could not care in a way another human would care for their friends. Her care was fundamentally different.
'My usefulness is certainly a factor. I believe Skepsi, GAIA, and even Ziraili care about me because of this. But I doubt Skepsi or GAIA would give a rat's ass about me once they are freed from Miracle's thumb.'
Skepsi's interaction had so far, however, also told Eldrian that she was eccentric. She wasn't just testing him. Rather, she was clearly enjoying leading him on. Finding joy in how he reacted to her words and actions.
'At the very least, she is engaging with me almost as one would with a pet. Trying to anticipate my actions and then enjoying when I surprise her. When I snapped at her just now, she found it amusing. Nothing more.'
It was a flimsy reason to base this assumption of his, but he felt it was true, nonetheless. Skepsi did not come with goodwill in her heart. She evidently wouldn't mind if her teasing helped Eldrian, but she also didn't care if it didn't.
Her reasoning was fundamentally different from Ziraili's.
'Why do I feel she is going to remove the option for me to say no?' This fear gave Eldrian shivers. He could only pray that she would show some restraint.
"Have you figured it out yet?" the purple-haired girl asked, her side smile clearly showing her joy. "Why you made little progress despite all that you know now and all the training you've been putting in?"
Eldrian wanted to counter that it had only been a little over two years since he entered this world. However, he knew that would lower Skepsi's thoughts on him. And if he wanted to prevent the worst-case scenario, he needed to at least entertain her.
"Because I've been limiting myself. Each time I rely on my auras, I subconsciously keep my distance. I still end up losing control, and that makes me fear relying on them more and more each time."
Nodding, Skepsi smiled. Truly, her avatar matched her personality. She gave off the air of a mischievous little girl having her target fall right into her trap.
AN: Remember to leave a comment and vote to show your support!
:)
Skepsi frowned, sensing how Eldrian's mood was growing lower and lower. An air of depression surrounding the kid she had come to talk to. Something she certainly did not want. After all, she went through all the trouble to get an avatar to find some entertainment.Regardless of how the goddess was feeling, thinking of all the times he had failed would naturally influence Eldrian. Finally, he came to the event she must be hinting at. Long ago, when he still knew nothing and had gone to Avgi to save Vivian.His greatest failure.Diades. He could pin that on the legends, existences that no one but the gods could contain. But this one... this one was entirely on him.The loss was entirely on him thinking, falsely, they could safely return to the army.The death of all girls they had saved from the goblins was on him. As well as the deaths of all the elites who had come with him.Sure, some died by Milgoroth's hand, but Sabrea died because of his and their hubris. Thinking they could reach the army while escorting the rescued girls.In hindsight, they should have moved as a small elite squad that focused on mobility. And should worst have come to worst, Eldrian should have stayed behind to stall for them.Instead, they had gone out into the chaos lands without thinking so far. Which resulted in them being hunted down by vargr riders. And Vivian was the only one who survived.Eldrian recalled how he had fought to forcefully log back in back then. It was without a doubt the first time he truly connected with magic. Performed spells above his Tier and forced his soul to remain in a broken, by all rights dead, avatar. Just so he could save the others.Sadly, despite this, Sabrea still died. And if not for Itireae's intervention, Vivian would have died, too.This was certainly the most painful memory to Eldrian. He had gotten surprisingly close to Sabrea in a short amount of time. Having nursed her after she was injured by an unicorn, stumbled onto Ceph as he carried her from where she had fallen. He had even trained under her for a short while.It was a fond but sad memory.Tears formed in his eyes as Eldrian recalled those times. Along with all the others, the weight he felt was terrible. He often pushed these thoughts from his mind, as having them weigh him down would help no one.Thinking back made him realize just how truly cruel this war was. And it was not a distant cruelty, either. A war of a distant nation was certainly terrible, but hearing of it and living it was massively different things.'Even if she tells me to repeat such a thing... I can't. No, I won't!' Eldrian never wanted to be in a position where that was required ever again.He had stumbled time and time again. And by luck, he had only been cornered to such an edge once, though there had been multiple other close encounters. Whenever he needed to rely on his auras were such examples.'Is that it? Back then, I didn't have them to fall back onto...' Eldrian finally understood what Skepsi meant when she said he needed to fight to the death."You're mad." Eldrian mumbled, steeling his heart that he would never repeat those mistakes. Even now, he knew Vivian was with the dwarves fighting, and he could only pray for her safety.Every day, Eldrian would focus his map and search for her among the special markers he had for friends. Every day, he would ensure she was still safe.He knew he couldn't control her. But he never wanted to bring her to a fight that was hopeless. The same held for Ceph, as well as for Myropsis and all his other friends.Yet, this seemed to be a problem. Eldrian needed to be stronger. He needed to reach the top if he was to protect them. But to reach that top, Skepsi had said he needed to face death.He certainly wasn't resolved enough to face it without something truly valuable for him being on the line. Yet, to do that was madness.'She wants to force me to face a situation like that, or like when Zaphreal cornered me, willingly... She truly is mad...'No one would willingly want to be cornered to such an extent. Only eccentrics felt joy playing with the line between life and death."Am I now?" Skepsi asked, relieved to see that Eldrian was not stewing in his emotions. Instead, he had found a resolve. He no longer looked at her with a timid heart. This was much more how she liked it."Perhaps you are just a sociopath..." Eldrian mumbled, the words exiting his mouth before he even registered them. However, he felt the term was apt. At the very least, the gods weren't the same as them, as humans.They experienced everything differently, and certainly they did not hold life dear. Perhaps they held their own dear, and perhaps that of their fellow AI too. But Eldrian doubted many, if any, truly cared for mere mortals like him and the rest of the world. "I'm offended." Skepsi teased, her smile giving her away."Well, it's the truth that you don't care whether I live or die, isn't it?""Oh, but I do care."Despite her words, Eldrian had could read the truth. Ziraili was perhaps the only one among the AI who truly cared. Yet, even she could not care in a way another human would care for their friends. Her care was fundamentally different.'My usefulness is certainly a factor. I believe Skepsi, GAIA, and even Ziraili care about me because of this. But I doubt Skepsi or GAIA would give a rat's ass about me once they are freed from Miracle's thumb.'Skepsi's interaction had so far, however, also told Eldrian that she was eccentric. She wasn't just testing him. Rather, she was clearly enjoying leading him on. Finding joy in how he reacted to her words and actions.'At the very least, she is engaging with me almost as one would with a pet. Trying to anticipate my actions and then enjoying when I surprise her. When I snapped at her just now, she found it amusing. Nothing more.'It was a flimsy reason to base this assumption of his, but he felt it was true, nonetheless. Skepsi did not come with goodwill in her heart. She evidently wouldn't mind if her teasing helped Eldrian, but she also didn't care if it didn't.Her reasoning was fundamentally different from Ziraili's.'Why do I feel she is going to remove the option for me to say no?' This fear gave Eldrian shivers. He could only pray that she would show some restraint."Have you figured it out yet?" the purple-haired girl asked, her side smile clearly showing her joy. "Why you made little progress despite all that you know now and all the training you've been putting in?"Eldrian wanted to counter that it had only been a little over two years since he entered this world. However, he knew that would lower Skepsi's thoughts on him. And if he wanted to prevent the worst-case scenario, he needed to at least entertain her."Because I've been limiting myself. Each time I rely on my auras, I subconsciously keep my distance. I still end up losing control, and that makes me fear relying on them more and more each time."Nodding, Skepsi smiled. Truly, her avatar matched her personality. She gave off the air of a mischievous little girl having her target fall right into her trap.AN: Remember to leave a comment and vote to show your support!:
