With great effort, Qin Shu stifled her laughter upon hearing how aggrieved Chao Yan sounded. “I thought you liked chillis.”
However, her smile fell when she recalled Chao Yan’s uncanny habit of putting himself in a pitiful position to gain sympathy.
Chao Yan noticed the abrupt shift in tone, and his smile faltered, acknowledging her with a grunt.
Qin Shu eyed him in confusion, not understanding his non-verbal response.
Chao Yan raised his wine glass, offering a toast. Although he could not see Qin Shu, he knew she was sitting opposite him.
“Congratulations, you found your biological father!” He said.
Qin Shu frowned. “I see you already know of my biological father.”
“Feng Jiuxiao announced that he has a daughter via the various news outlets. He said that you were staying in the President’s manor. I know your mother and Xiao Jiu are there, so it was not difficult to put the pieces together,” Chao Yan explained.
Qin Shu nodded in agreement.
“I won’t be able to eat of this myself. It’d be a shame if it went to waste,” Chao Yan tried again.
Qin Shu eyed the table full of dishes hesitantly. What Chao Yan said did make sense; it would be a waste not to eat the food. Reluctantly, she picked up her chopsticks and helped herself to the generous spread, waiting for Chao Yan to speak.
Chao Yan followed suit. This time, he exercised greater caution, taking his time to smell and nibble at his food before taking a bite. He did not want to experience the pain of eating a chilli pepper again.
The conversation Qin Shu expected never came. They were more than three-quarters of the way through their meal before she could not take it any longer and asked, “Don’t you have something to say?”
Chao Yan paused, a particularly nasty piece of chilli caught between his vegetables. “Yes, I have a lot to say,” he answered.
“Then why aren’t you saying anything?” Qin Shu demanded.
“Let’s finish eating before we get down to business. I’m still thinking about how to put it all into words,” Chao Yan admitted sheepishly.
Qin Shu: “…”
When they finished their meal, Chao Yan had his men clear the dishes and deliver their tea and desserts.
Lunch was a feast that left her feeling bloated. Eyeing the colourful teapot of the Eight Immortals, she decided to pour herself a cup of tea. As she was about to put it back, Chao Yan procured a teacup, indicating he would like some too. Qin Shu poured him a cup before returning the teapot to its original position.
She sipped her tea, savouring its mellow fragrance. It was a good tea.
Through his keen senses, Chao Yan knew that Qin Shu had poured him a cup of tea. He may not have completely understood Qin Shu’s personality, but he knew she was sharp-tongued but soft-hearted. Deep down inside, Qin Shu was a good person.
He suddenly said, “You’re the same as when you were young. You haven’t changed at all.”
“That’s just how you feel,” Qin Shu replied indifferently. In her heart, she thought that after experiencing life and death, how could she not have changed?
Chao Yan nodded and did not refute her. “Yes, it’s how I feel.”
Qin Shu felt that Chao Yan was being a little strange. He asked her to meet him because he had something important to say, but he had not said anything of importance so far. She felt like he was wasting her time.
There was also something about him that seemed different. She could not put her finger on it, but she was sure that difference had been there when they last met.
Chao Yan took a few sips of his tea and suddenly asked, “Do you still hate me?”
Qin Shu put down her teacup and looked at Chao Yan. “What nonsense are you spouting?”
Chao Yan felt his mouth twitch. “Do you want revenge?”
The words startled her. She stared at Chao Yan, long and hard. Why did he ask to see her?
After a long silence, she spoke, “Did you ask to see me today just for this? I would have killed you in your manor last year if I wanted revenge. Why would I need to wait until now? That, however, doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you for what you’ve done.”
“No, I don’t think so. You didn’t kill me not because you wouldn’t, but because you couldn’t. It’s a choice you’ll regret,” Chao Yan murmured, his words carrying a certain conviction.
Qin Shu could not understand why Chao Yan would target Fu Tingyu. What did he mean by saying she could not have killed him?
“I won’t regret what I’ve done. If you still want to take Fu Tingyu’s head, I swear I won’t go easy on you again.”
Qin Shu affirmed her stance on the matter. Whatever game Chao Yan was playing, she would not let him touch a hair on her husband’s head, and she meant it.
Chao Yan chuckled. “It’s fine if you don’t want me to act against him, but I’ll need you to promise me something.”
Now, this was starting to get on her nerves. She was not one to roll over and accept being threatened. What did he think she was? A persimmon to be squashed under foot?
“Is there anything else you’d like to say, or are you just full of threats? I don’t even know how I could have met a person as sinister as you.”
Had she not recovered her memories, she would not have known how they had met or how the person she remembered could be the same person she was now dealing with.
A hush descended over the pavilion; only the faint whispers of the wind could be heard.
Chao Yan pursed his lips. Most of his face was covered in gauze, rendering his expression unreadable.
Qin Shu was angry, no. She was furious with Chao Yan. Her hands balled up into fists, and the atmosphere grew tense.
Chao Yan broke the silence. “Do you regret meeting me?”
He spoke softly, his words weighed down by an invisible force. No one could get a read on his emotions.
Qin Shu was stunned. She did not expect him to ask such a question.
Chao Yan suddenly laughed. His laughter rang ominous and cold. “People don’t like me, and neither do you. I should never have gotten my hopes up. Since you hate me, then I shall hate you.”
Qin Shu wanted to say something, anything to correct him, but the words eluded her. All she could do was stare dumbly at the man wracked by laughter.
She looked away. “I should go back.”
Chao Yan suddenly got up and walked over, one hand against the table for support.
Doubt flashed across her eyes. What was he trying to do? As he approached, Qin Shu caught a whiff of strong wine. The wine they had drunk earlier was made from bamboo; it had a clear, refreshing taste and should not have carried any spicy afternotes.
Chao Yan was taller than her, so she had to look up when he edged closer. “Is there something else you’d like to say?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all,” Chao Yan replied.
Chao Yan’s clothes were styled much like her father’s, and he usually wore lighter colours: either white or beige, which had not changed since they were teens.
“If you have nothing else to say, I’m going back.”
With that, she turned around and left.
Her vision turned black, and she collapsed in Chao Yan’s arms. Her last thoughts before she fainted were of how manipulative Chao Yan was, pretending to be pitiful to elicit sympathy and lower her guard.
It never occurred to her that he would knock her out.
Chao Yan hugged Qin Shu’s unconscious form, his bloodless lips whispering in her ear, “I have nothing more to say. All I ask is that you accompany me for a month. One month is more than enough. After which, we’ll call things even. In our next lives, let us pray we never meet again.”
Yin Shi entered shortly after. He noticed Qin Shu was unconscious and immediately offered his services. “Master, please allow me.”
“There’s no need. I’ll do it myself.”
Chao Yan was quick to refuse any assistance. He carried Qin Shu in a bridal carry and stepped out of the pavilion.
Yin Shi looked at his master worriedly. Master’s health was not good, and it would be a burden for him to carry Qin Shu. He sighed, feeling helpless as he followed his master out.
…
…
Feng Jiuxiao rushed over in time for lunch.
The female servants had already set the table and laid out the dishes.
Ling’er and Xiao Jiu were already seated at the table, but they had not touched their chopsticks yet.
Feng Jiuxiao shot Ling’er a worried look. He was afraid she would lose her appetite with his appearance. Was she still unhappy with him? He hesitated longer than he probably should have before mustering the courage to sit beside Ling’er.
Xiao Jiu already knew that his grandfather had angered his grandmother, so he was not surprised when his grandmother gave his grandfather the cold shoulder.
Once seated, Feng Jiuxiao realised that someone was missing. He turned to his grandson and asked, “Xiao Jiu, where is your mother? Won’t she be joining us for lunch?”
“Mommy went out. She said she would be back in the afternoon,” Xiao Jiu dutifully responded.
Feng Jiuxiao nodded and turned to Ling’er. She had already picked up her chopsticks and started eating. She never was one for food.
He picked up his chopsticks and selected a piece of fish, placing it into her bowl.
Ling’er put down her bowl, glaring at the extra piece of fish.
Feng Jiuxiao had just retracted his hand when he noticed how unhappy Ling’er looked.
“You are too skinny. You should eat more,” he said.
Xiao Jiu quietly watched his grandparents. He knew Grandpa had angered Grandma, but nothing specific. His eyes darted across the table, catching sight of something that might defuse the situation. He quickly picked up a piece of sweet and sour pork ribs and placed it in his grandmother’s bowl.
“Grandma, try this! It’s delicious!”
Ling’er was going to excuse herself only to stop when Xiao Jiu placed the piece of sweet and sour pork ribs into her bowl. “Thank you, Xiao Jiu,” she said with a gentle smile.
“Mommy likes to eat sweet and sour pork ribs, so I thought Grandma might like them too,” Xiao Jiu replied.
Xiao Jiu’s words reminded her of how she used to prepare sweet and sour pork ribs for Xiao Bao to eat when she was young. More than ten years had passed since then, and she nearly forgot how much her daughter enjoyed eating the pork ribs she cooked…
The thought continuously replayed itself like a broken record. She and Xiao Bao had been separated for so long… It made her stomach curl and renewed her hatred for Feng Jiuxiao and his despicable actions. How could she have been separated from Xiao Bao for so long if not for him?
Ling’er did not eat much more than the small bowl she had. She had no mood to eat.
Xiao Jiu usually took a nap in the afternoon. He would do his homework after his nap.
Ling’er was also tired, so she retired for the afternoon.
Feng Jiuxiao followed her into the room and closed the door behind him.
Ling’er glowered at Feng Jiuxiao. “Why’d you follow me?”
“Ling’er, I’m tired too. I want to take an afternoon nap with you,” Feng Jiuxiao responded seriously.
“I don’t want to see you.” Ling’er’s scowl was enough to cow lesser men into submission.
“Ling’er, we are husband and wife…” Feng Jiuxiao tried, feeling more than a little helpless, though not bereft of guilt.
Technically, he had obtained that marriage certificate via subterfuge, but he would not give Ling’er more ammunition against him. “So what if we’re married, or husband and wife? Can’t I get a divorce?”
Feng Jiuxiao felt his heart clench when he heard her say ‘divorce’. He wrapped his arms around her, refusing to let go, almost as if he were afraid she would disappear if he released her. “Ling’er, what do you mean by a divorce? How can you say something like that?”
Ling’er struggled against Feng Jiuxiao’s hold but to no avail. If anything, it felt like his grip over her had tightened. “You were the one who lied to me! You tricked me into signing that marriage certificate with you!”
The arms around her became a vice. It was painful. “Ling’er… we’re already over forty years old. Every day that passes is another day closer to our eventual parting. I cherish every day I get to spend with you. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have deceived you. I shouldn’t have left our daughter to fend for herself,” he paused, taking time to put his emotions into words, “You’re right. I was selfish. My love for you was selfish. I couldn’t bear the thought of some other man being together with you when I could not. If I could have done things differently, if I could turn back the clock and right the wrongs I’ve committed, I would do so in a heartbeat.”
He did not know what to say to make Ling’er forgive him, but he did not want to be separated from her for the rest of his life.
He may have looked young to some, but, in truth, he was over forty, nearing fifty years in age.
“Why couldn’t you see the mistakes you were making before it came to this?” Ling’er cried weakly.
“Ling’er, my feelings for you have never changed. I didn’t tell you about the staged marriage; that was my fault. I can’t change the past, but, I promise you, I won’t lie to you ever again, not now, and not for the rest of our lives.”
Perhaps it was her age, but Ling’er was not as impulsive as she was. Age gave her a different perspective, a more tolerant attitude tempered by her hardship.
Perhaps the years she spent with Feng Jiuxiao on Mount Qi had dulled her anger, putting her too much at ease. She could not say whether it was one or the other or both.
“The pain you’ve put me through isn’t something I’ll forget. It’ll always be a thorn in my heart as it always will be one in yours. I hope you’ll never forget this pain and what it cost you,” Ling’er said, allowing her words to hang in the air. To anyone who heard her, they would have felt the depth of her pain, sorrow and sadness.
Feng Jiuxiao knew he could never make up for what he had done; Ling’er’s words merely solidified the harsh reality. She would never forget even if she came to forgive him.
Every day she remained by his side would serve as a reminder of his failure and the pain he had brought to her and Xiao Bao.
He suddenly asked: “Ling’er, do you still love me?”
In the past, Ling’er loved him, he knew that, and he did not need to ask.
Now, he was not sure if Ling’er still had feelings for him.
Feng Jiuxiao had never asked such a question before; he was not as straightforward as Ling’er, who posited the question fearlessly.
The first time she confessed, she said: “I like you, do you like me?”
He just nodded.
It was she who initiated their first hug. It was she, who asked, “Ziqing, do you love me?”
“I do.”
Yet, his actions then and, perhaps even now, were possessive and not a reflection of love.
One might argue that he had been too young then, not knowing what it meant to love or be in love. All he knew was that he would never meet another girl in his life who could move his heart the way Ling’er had done. This instinct drove him to act the way he did, acting recklessly and without consideration of the consequences his actions might bring.
A smile and his world lit up; a frown, and he would enact justice on who or whatever had caused her unhappiness. The world faded into grey in her presence; nothing else mattered.
It was not until she disappeared from his world that he slowly understood how much he loved Ling’er.
He would give up anything to be with Ling’er. Money, status, prestige? He would throw them away if it meant he could be by her side.
“I remember asking you this in the past. Ironic, don’t you think? Now, you are the one asking me instead.” Ling’er smiled. It was a completely different feeling. Back then, she had asked him whether he loved her because she wanted to know if their feelings were mutual.
To be asked the same question now… It was a little saddening.
“I can’t you let go… I can erase your memories of any other man you’ve met or shown an interest in if it means you’ll stay with me. To love me again…” Feng Jiuxiao offered. “If after you’ve forgotten them and you still don’t come to love me… then…”
Feng Jiuxiao chewed on his lip. He did not want to finish his sentence, but when he thought of how much he had hurt her, he soldiered on, “Then… I’ll let you go. Just… Don’t hide from me, please.”
Ling’er was stunned, her body stiffening in place. She loved him but also hated him.
Perhaps this was the best result.
She nodded. “Okay.”
When Feng Jiuxiao heard Ling’er’s acceptance of his proposal, he felt an immense wave of regret. He could not take back what he had said. How else would he ever regain her love and trust?
He could only settle for second-best. “Then… Shall we leave when the baby’s condition is certain?”
Ling’er shook her head. “No, I’ll leave with Xiao Bao and Xiao Jiu when Fu Tingyu arrives.”
Feng Jiuxiao could only nod in agreement. “Very well. I shall visit you whenever I am able.”
Ling’er did not refuse because she knew that even if she refused, it would be pointless. Feng Jiuxiao had a certain way of doing things, and he was stuck in that pattern, even if he was trying to change for the better.
“Rest well. You didn’t eat much at lunch. You should eat a little more later.”
With great effort, Qin Shu stifled her laughter upon hearing how aggrieved Chao Yan sounded. “I thought you liked chillis.”
However, her smile fell when she recalled Chao Yan’s uncanny habit of putting himself in a pitiful position to gain sympathy.
Chao Yan noticed the abrupt shift in tone, and his smile faltered, acknowledging her with a grunt.
Qin Shu eyed him in confusion, not understanding his non-verbal response.
Chao Yan raised his wine glass, offering a toast. Although he could not see Qin Shu, he knew she was sitting opposite him.
“Congratulations, you found your biological father!” He said.
Qin Shu frowned. “I see you already know of my biological father.”
“Feng Jiuxiao announced that he has a daughter via the various news outlets. He said that you were staying in the President’s manor. I know your mother and Xiao Jiu are there, so it was not difficult to put the pieces together,” Chao Yan explained.
Qin Shu nodded in agreement.
“I won’t be able to eat of this myself. It’d be a shame if it went to waste,” Chao Yan tried again.
Qin Shu eyed the table full of dishes hesitantly. What Chao Yan said did make sense; it would be a waste not to eat the food. Reluctantly, she picked up her chopsticks and helped herself to the generous spread, waiting for Chao Yan to speak.
Chao Yan followed suit. This time, he exercised greater caution, taking his time to smell and nibble at his food before taking a bite. He did not want to experience the pain of eating a chilli pepper again.
The conversation Qin Shu expected never came. They were more than three-quarters of the way through their meal before she could not take it any longer and asked, “Don’t you have something to say?”
Chao Yan paused, a particularly nasty piece of chilli caught between his vegetables. “Yes, I have a lot to say,” he answered.
“Then why aren’t you saying anything?” Qin Shu demanded.
“Let’s finish eating before we get down to business. I’m still thinking about how to put it all into words,” Chao Yan admitted sheepishly.
Qin Shu: “…”
When they finished their meal, Chao Yan had his men clear the dishes and deliver their tea and desserts.
Lunch was a feast that left her feeling bloated. Eyeing the colourful teapot of the Eight Immortals, she decided to pour herself a cup of tea. As she was about to put it back, Chao Yan procured a teacup, indicating he would like some too. Qin Shu poured him a cup before returning the teapot to its original position.
She sipped her tea, savouring its mellow fragrance. It was a good tea.
Through his keen senses, Chao Yan knew that Qin Shu had poured him a cup of tea. He may not have completely understood Qin Shu’s personality, but he knew she was sharp-tongued but soft-hearted. Deep down inside, Qin Shu was a good person.
He suddenly said, “You’re the same as when you were young. You haven’t changed at all.”
“That’s just how you feel,” Qin Shu replied indifferently. In her heart, she thought that after experiencing life and death, how could she not have changed?
Chao Yan nodded and did not refute her. “Yes, it’s how I feel.”
Qin Shu felt that Chao Yan was being a little strange. He asked her to meet him because he had something important to say, but he had not said anything of importance so far. She felt like he was wasting her time.
There was also something about him that seemed different. She could not put her finger on it, but she was sure that difference had been there when they last met.
Chao Yan took a few sips of his tea and suddenly asked, “Do you still hate me?”
Qin Shu put down her teacup and looked at Chao Yan. “What nonsense are you spouting?”
Chao Yan felt his mouth twitch. “Do you want revenge?”
The words startled her. She stared at Chao Yan, long and hard. Why did he ask to see her?
After a long silence, she spoke, “Did you ask to see me today just for this? I would have killed you in your manor last year if I wanted revenge. Why would I need to wait until now? That, however, doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you for what you’ve done.”
“No, I don’t think so. You didn’t kill me not because you wouldn’t, but because you couldn’t. It’s a choice you’ll regret,” Chao Yan murmured, his words carrying a certain conviction.
Qin Shu could not understand why Chao Yan would target Fu Tingyu. What did he mean by saying she could not have killed him?
“I won’t regret what I’ve done. If you still want to take Fu Tingyu’s head, I swear I won’t go easy on you again.”
Qin Shu affirmed her stance on the matter. Whatever game Chao Yan was playing, she would not let him touch a hair on her husband’s head, and she meant it.
Chao Yan chuckled. “It’s fine if you don’t want me to act against him, but I’ll need you to promise me something.”
Now, this was starting to get on her nerves. She was not one to roll over and accept being threatened. What did he think she was? A persimmon to be squashed under foot?
“Is there anything else you’d like to say, or are you just full of threats? I don’t even know how I could have met a person as sinister as you.”
Had she not recovered her memories, she would not have known how they had met or how the person she remembered could be the same person she was now dealing with.
A hush descended over the pavilion; only the faint whispers of the wind could be heard.
Chao Yan pursed his lips. Most of his face was covered in gauze, rendering his expression unreadable.
Qin Shu was angry, no. She was furious with Chao Yan. Her hands balled up into fists, and the atmosphere grew tense.
Chao Yan broke the silence. “Do you regret meeting me?”
He spoke softly, his words weighed down by an invisible force. No one could get a read on his emotions.
Qin Shu was stunned. She did not expect him to ask such a question.
Chao Yan suddenly laughed. His laughter rang ominous and cold. “People don’t like me, and neither do you. I should never have gotten my hopes up. Since you hate me, then I shall hate you.”
Qin Shu wanted to say something, anything to correct him, but the words eluded her. All she could do was stare dumbly at the man wracked by laughter.
She looked away. “I should go back.”
Chao Yan suddenly got up and walked over, one hand against the table for support.
Doubt flashed across her eyes. What was he trying to do? As he approached, Qin Shu caught a whiff of strong wine. The wine they had drunk earlier was made from bamboo; it had a clear, refreshing taste and should not have carried any spicy afternotes.
Chao Yan was taller than her, so she had to look up when he edged closer. “Is there something else you’d like to say?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all,” Chao Yan replied.
Chao Yan’s clothes were styled much like her father’s, and he usually wore lighter colours: either white or beige, which had not changed since they were teens.
“If you have nothing else to say, I’m going back.”
With that, she turned around and left.
Her vision turned black, and she collapsed in Chao Yan’s arms. Her last thoughts before she fainted were of how manipulative Chao Yan was, pretending to be pitiful to elicit sympathy and lower her guard.
It never occurred to her that he would knock her out.
Chao Yan hugged Qin Shu’s unconscious form, his bloodless lips whispering in her ear, “I have nothing more to say. All I ask is that you accompany me for a month. One month is more than enough. After which, we’ll call things even. In our next lives, let us pray we never meet again.”
Yin Shi entered shortly after. He noticed Qin Shu was unconscious and immediately offered his services. “Master, please allow me.”
“There’s no need. I’ll do it myself.”
Chao Yan was quick to refuse any assistance. He carried Qin Shu in a bridal carry and stepped out of the pavilion.
Yin Shi looked at his master worriedly. Master’s health was not good, and it would be a burden for him to carry Qin Shu. He sighed, feeling helpless as he followed his master out.
…
…
Feng Jiuxiao rushed over in time for lunch.
The female servants had already set the table and laid out the dishes.
Ling’er and Xiao Jiu were already seated at the table, but they had not touched their chopsticks yet.
Feng Jiuxiao shot Ling’er a worried look. He was afraid she would lose her appetite with his appearance. Was she still unhappy with him? He hesitated longer than he probably should have before mustering the courage to sit beside Ling’er.
Xiao Jiu already knew that his grandfather had angered his grandmother, so he was not surprised when his grandmother gave his grandfather the cold shoulder.
Once seated, Feng Jiuxiao realised that someone was missing. He turned to his grandson and asked, “Xiao Jiu, where is your mother? Won’t she be joining us for lunch?”
“Mommy went out. She said she would be back in the afternoon,” Xiao Jiu dutifully responded.
Feng Jiuxiao nodded and turned to Ling’er. She had already picked up her chopsticks and started eating. She never was one for food.
He picked up his chopsticks and selected a piece of fish, placing it into her bowl.
Ling’er put down her bowl, glaring at the extra piece of fish.
Feng Jiuxiao had just retracted his hand when he noticed how unhappy Ling’er looked.
“You are too skinny. You should eat more,” he said.
Xiao Jiu quietly watched his grandparents. He knew Grandpa had angered Grandma, but nothing specific. His eyes darted across the table, catching sight of something that might defuse the situation. He quickly picked up a piece of sweet and sour pork ribs and placed it in his grandmother’s bowl.
“Grandma, try this! It’s delicious!”
Ling’er was going to excuse herself only to stop when Xiao Jiu placed the piece of sweet and sour pork ribs into her bowl. “Thank you, Xiao Jiu,” she said with a gentle smile.
“Mommy likes to eat sweet and sour pork ribs, so I thought Grandma might like them too,” Xiao Jiu replied.
Xiao Jiu’s words reminded her of how she used to prepare sweet and sour pork ribs for Xiao Bao to eat when she was young. More than ten years had passed since then, and she nearly forgot how much her daughter enjoyed eating the pork ribs she cooked…
The thought continuously replayed itself like a broken record. She and Xiao Bao had been separated for so long… It made her stomach curl and renewed her hatred for Feng Jiuxiao and his despicable actions. How could she have been separated from Xiao Bao for so long if not for him?
Ling’er did not eat much more than the small bowl she had. She had no mood to eat.
Xiao Jiu usually took a nap in the afternoon. He would do his homework after his nap.
Ling’er was also tired, so she retired for the afternoon.
Feng Jiuxiao followed her into the room and closed the door behind him.
Ling’er glowered at Feng Jiuxiao. “Why’d you follow me?”
“Ling’er, I’m tired too. I want to take an afternoon nap with you,” Feng Jiuxiao responded seriously.
“I don’t want to see you.” Ling’er’s scowl was enough to cow lesser men into submission.
“Ling’er, we are husband and wife…” Feng Jiuxiao tried, feeling more than a little helpless, though not bereft of guilt.
Technically, he had obtained that marriage certificate via subterfuge, but he would not give Ling’er more ammunition against him. “So what if we’re married, or husband and wife? Can’t I get a divorce?”
Feng Jiuxiao felt his heart clench when he heard her say ‘divorce’. He wrapped his arms around her, refusing to let go, almost as if he were afraid she would disappear if he released her. “Ling’er, what do you mean by a divorce? How can you say something like that?”
Ling’er struggled against Feng Jiuxiao’s hold but to no avail. If anything, it felt like his grip over her had tightened. “You were the one who lied to me! You tricked me into signing that marriage certificate with you!”
The arms around her became a vice. It was painful. “Ling’er… we’re already over forty years old. Every day that passes is another day closer to our eventual parting. I cherish every day I get to spend with you. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have deceived you. I shouldn’t have left our daughter to fend for herself,” he paused, taking time to put his emotions into words, “You’re right. I was selfish. My love for you was selfish. I couldn’t bear the thought of some other man being together with you when I could not. If I could have done things differently, if I could turn back the clock and right the wrongs I’ve committed, I would do so in a heartbeat.”
He did not know what to say to make Ling’er forgive him, but he did not want to be separated from her for the rest of his life.
He may have looked young to some, but, in truth, he was over forty, nearing fifty years in age.
“Why couldn’t you see the mistakes you were making before it came to this?” Ling’er cried weakly.
“Ling’er, my feelings for you have never changed. I didn’t tell you about the staged marriage; that was my fault. I can’t change the past, but, I promise you, I won’t lie to you ever again, not now, and not for the rest of our lives.”
Perhaps it was her age, but Ling’er was not as impulsive as she was. Age gave her a different perspective, a more tolerant attitude tempered by her hardship.
Perhaps the years she spent with Feng Jiuxiao on Mount Qi had dulled her anger, putting her too much at ease. She could not say whether it was one or the other or both.
“The pain you’ve put me through isn’t something I’ll forget. It’ll always be a thorn in my heart as it always will be one in yours. I hope you’ll never forget this pain and what it cost you,” Ling’er said, allowing her words to hang in the air. To anyone who heard her, they would have felt the depth of her pain, sorrow and sadness.
Feng Jiuxiao knew he could never make up for what he had done; Ling’er’s words merely solidified the harsh reality. She would never forget even if she came to forgive him.
Every day she remained by his side would serve as a reminder of his failure and the pain he had brought to her and Xiao Bao.
He suddenly asked: “Ling’er, do you still love me?”
In the past, Ling’er loved him, he knew that, and he did not need to ask.
Now, he was not sure if Ling’er still had feelings for him.
Feng Jiuxiao had never asked such a question before; he was not as straightforward as Ling’er, who posited the question fearlessly.
The first time she confessed, she said: “I like you, do you like me?”
He just nodded.
It was she who initiated their first hug. It was she, who asked, “Ziqing, do you love me?”
“I do.”
Yet, his actions then and, perhaps even now, were possessive and not a reflection of love.
One might argue that he had been too young then, not knowing what it meant to love or be in love. All he knew was that he would never meet another girl in his life who could move his heart the way Ling’er had done. This instinct drove him to act the way he did, acting recklessly and without consideration of the consequences his actions might bring.
A smile and his world lit up; a frown, and he would enact justice on who or whatever had caused her unhappiness. The world faded into grey in her presence; nothing else mattered.
It was not until she disappeared from his world that he slowly understood how much he loved Ling’er.
He would give up anything to be with Ling’er. Money, status, prestige? He would throw them away if it meant he could be by her side.
“I remember asking you this in the past. Ironic, don’t you think? Now, you are the one asking me instead.” Ling’er smiled. It was a completely different feeling. Back then, she had asked him whether he loved her because she wanted to know if their feelings were mutual.
To be asked the same question now… It was a little saddening.
“I can’t you let go… I can erase your memories of any other man you’ve met or shown an interest in if it means you’ll stay with me. To love me again…” Feng Jiuxiao offered. “If after you’ve forgotten them and you still don’t come to love me… then…”
Feng Jiuxiao chewed on his lip. He did not want to finish his sentence, but when he thought of how much he had hurt her, he soldiered on, “Then… I’ll let you go. Just… Don’t hide from me, please.”
Ling’er was stunned, her body stiffening in place. She loved him but also hated him.
Perhaps this was the best result.
She nodded. “Okay.”
When Feng Jiuxiao heard Ling’er’s acceptance of his proposal, he felt an immense wave of regret. He could not take back what he had said. How else would he ever regain her love and trust?
He could only settle for second-best. “Then… Shall we leave when the baby’s condition is certain?”
Ling’er shook her head. “No, I’ll leave with Xiao Bao and Xiao Jiu when Fu Tingyu arrives.”
Feng Jiuxiao could only nod in agreement. “Very well. I shall visit you whenever I am able.”
Ling’er did not refuse because she knew that even if she refused, it would be pointless. Feng Jiuxiao had a certain way of doing things, and he was stuck in that pattern, even if he was trying to change for the better.
“Rest well. You didn’t eat much at lunch. You should eat a little more later.”
