Chapter 18: A Confession (2)
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"I was always so angry that I just wanted to kill everyone, and the people I hated the most were not those gangs who were fighting, but my father, whom I never come into contact with until later and blamed my mother's death on him.
"Because if he were there, my mother wouldn't have to work so late, and she would never have always come and get me from my grandparents' house.
"Despite that, I never get myself to see through my desire because I knew deep down if I ever started, I could never hold myself back, and I always have my grandparents watching over me.
"Yet, I always had this demon deeply hidden within me, so, to keep it in check, I put my attention elsewhere, and ironically, I chose the same business which caused my mother's death: Weaponry!
"I didn't know why, but I got a strange satisfaction whenever I researched those weapons of mass destruction. It put me at ease, or I could say it keeps that demon in check.
"The people who died because of me were many, and despite knowing this, I still didn't stop because I couldn't stop.
"Even though I never killed them myself, I designed and created the tools that can kill anyone and anywhere. I created them so meticulously that when they use for the kill, the target will never have a chance to escape alive.
"I even developed a new weapon and released it to the world, and I even became a tycoon because of it. Because of it, people called me a genius researcher, not a killer.
"However, that wasn't the only technology I developed. There were ten, even more, terrifying weapons I designed, but I never made them public or even told anyone about them because I knew if any one of those weapon blueprints saw the light of the day, then it might really burn the entire world down, and I don't want it since I would turn into ashes as well.
"However, I could never stop myself from continuing to walk on this path because this will give me the most incredible pleasure. This is how I could live like an average person. I even had a happy family.
"But you know what, I was never able to throw that thought of how it would have felt to kill myself out of my mind. Not until I was close to my death.
"In the last years of my life, I found I crave my life far more than that bloodlust or anything else, as a matter of fact, and finally overcome that demon which was with me for my entire life and my bloodlust.
"However, what I could never conquer was death. Even if I slow it down, it still comes and gets me. This finally made me understand that life was far more precious than I thought, and I even felt remorse about what I had done in my entire life. I feel genuine despair, a terror which only a dying person would understand.
"Regardless, somehow, after I awake here, and you put me through all those suffering that I never imagined before, I found out that the demon within me was still there. It never left or was eliminated. I unknowingly hold control of it, and you help me understand it!"
Jacob's face was exempt from any emotion as he confessed he had been carrying for all his life. He never thought he would tell anyone about it and he'll carry it to his grave, and he did.
But after encountering Decker, he felt like telling him all this because Decker was someone he got to talk with after a very long time. In all those years living with the help of those machines, he could never speak or think straight.
Someone seldom visited him, and even if someone were talking to him, he would hardly understand the words because of the condition which he put himself into.
But after taking over this body, he felt alive again, but Decker still taught him that this world was full of ruthless people and monsters like him, and it was far more dangerous than his previous world, and he had to be ruthless if he wanted to survive here.
Nevertheless, he still hated Decker since he put him through all that pain and despair, and now he was even refusing to talk.
"Do you know why I was telling you all this?" Jacob impassively said, "You may speak freely." He didn't want Decker to interrupt him, so he made him shut up before.
Decker suddenly started laughing crazily, "Hahaha… It seemed like your brain was thoroughly damaged because of all those experiments. Your delusions really know no bounds. Hahaha…"
How could he not laugh?
Jacob was talking about his previous life and reincarnation. Decker didn't understand any of it since it all seemed like a fantasy story to him and a lunatic's imagination, so he would naturally not believe it, even if you beat him to death.
The concept of reincarnation just does not fit well with someone like Decker.
Jacob remained expressionless and said, "Maybe you're right or maybe not… but don't you understand the hidden meaning behind my story? Or are you just an intelligent idiot?"
"Heh, you're just a maniacal human, so stop talking about intelligence with me!" Decker sneered.
Jacob didn't mind and continued, "It's simple. Actually, it's like this when you're in a desperate situation or desperate for something your mind will never stop thinking about its solution and even find started to create different ways to solve it or get the thing you wanted.
"You'll even imagine robbing that thing you want or magically solving your situation with almost impossible facts in play.
"However, when you accept that the situation is hopeless or you can't get what you want, your mind will never think about these solutions.
"But this will also put a hold on your thinking, and you'll just limit yourself as you keep doing the same again and again until you simply stop thinking creatively and cage yourself in a mental cage you create for yourself.
"You see, your situation is like the latter scenario. Since you accept your death, you'll never budge or at least think this way.
"However, I'm the former kind because I desperately want that information, and I will keep trying and thinking all the possible ways to obtain it, and this helps me think out of the box, which is what we call imagination…."
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"I was always so angry that I just wanted to kill everyone, and the people I hated the most were not those gangs who were fighting, but my father, whom I never come into contact with until later and blamed my mother's death on him.
"Because if he were there, my mother wouldn't have to work so late, and she would never have always come and get me from my grandparents' house.
"Despite that, I never get myself to see through my desire because I knew deep down if I ever started, I could never hold myself back, and I always have my grandparents watching over me.
"Yet, I always had this demon deeply hidden within me, so, to keep it in check, I put my attention elsewhere, and ironically, I chose the same business which caused my mother's death: Weaponry!
"I didn't know why, but I got a strange satisfaction whenever I researched those weapons of mass destruction. It put me at ease, or I could say it keeps that demon in check.
"The people who died because of me were many, and despite knowing this, I still didn't stop because I couldn't stop.
"Even though I never killed them myself, I designed and created the tools that can kill anyone and anywhere. I created them so meticulously that when they use for the kill, the target will never have a chance to escape alive.
"I even developed a new weapon and released it to the world, and I even became a tycoon because of it. Because of it, people called me a genius researcher, not a killer.
"However, that wasn't the only technology I developed. There were ten, even more, terrifying weapons I designed, but I never made them public or even told anyone about them because I knew if any one of those weapon blueprints saw the light of the day, then it might really burn the entire world down, and I don't want it since I would turn into ashes as well.
"However, I could never stop myself from continuing to walk on this path because this will give me the most incredible pleasure. This is how I could live like an average person. I even had a happy family.
"But you know what, I was never able to throw that thought of how it would have felt to kill myself out of my mind. Not until I was close to my death.
"In the last years of my life, I found I crave my life far more than that bloodlust or anything else, as a matter of fact, and finally overcome that demon which was with me for my entire life and my bloodlust.
"However, what I could never conquer was death. Even if I slow it down, it still comes and gets me. This finally made me understand that life was far more precious than I thought, and I even felt remorse about what I had done in my entire life. I feel genuine despair, a terror which only a dying person would understand.
"Regardless, somehow, after I awake here, and you put me through all those suffering that I never imagined before, I found out that the demon within me was still there. It never left or was eliminated. I unknowingly hold control of it, and you help me understand it!"
Jacob's face was exempt from any emotion as he confessed he had been carrying for all his life. He never thought he would tell anyone about it and he'll carry it to his grave, and he did.
But after encountering Decker, he felt like telling him all this because Decker was someone he got to talk with after a very long time. In all those years living with the help of those machines, he could never speak or think straight.
Someone seldom visited him, and even if someone were talking to him, he would hardly understand the words because of the condition which he put himself into.
But after taking over this body, he felt alive again, but Decker still taught him that this world was full of ruthless people and monsters like him, and it was far more dangerous than his previous world, and he had to be ruthless if he wanted to survive here.
Nevertheless, he still hated Decker since he put him through all that pain and despair, and now he was even refusing to talk.
"Do you know why I was telling you all this?" Jacob impassively said, "You may speak freely." He didn't want Decker to interrupt him, so he made him shut up before.
Decker suddenly started laughing crazily, "Hahaha… It seemed like your brain was thoroughly damaged because of all those experiments. Your delusions really know no bounds. Hahaha…"
How could he not laugh?
Jacob was talking about his previous life and reincarnation. Decker didn't understand any of it since it all seemed like a fantasy story to him and a lunatic's imagination, so he would naturally not believe it, even if you beat him to death.
The concept of reincarnation just does not fit well with someone like Decker.
Jacob remained expressionless and said, "Maybe you're right or maybe not… but don't you understand the hidden meaning behind my story? Or are you just an intelligent idiot?"
"Heh, you're just a maniacal human, so stop talking about intelligence with me!" Decker sneered.
Jacob didn't mind and continued, "It's simple. Actually, it's like this when you're in a desperate situation or desperate for something your mind will never stop thinking about its solution and even find started to create different ways to solve it or get the thing you wanted.
"You'll even imagine robbing that thing you want or magically solving your situation with almost impossible facts in play.
"However, when you accept that the situation is hopeless or you can't get what you want, your mind will never think about these solutions.
"But this will also put a hold on your thinking, and you'll just limit yourself as you keep doing the same again and again until you simply stop thinking creatively and cage yourself in a mental cage you create for yourself.
"You see, your situation is like the latter scenario. Since you accept your death, you'll never budge or at least think this way.
"However, I'm the former kind because I desperately want that information, and I will keep trying and thinking all the possible ways to obtain it, and this helps me think out of the box, which is what we call imagination…."
"I was always so angry that I just wanted to kill everyone, and the people I hated the most were not those gangs who were fighting, but my father, whom I never come into contact with until later and blamed my mother's death on him."Because if he were there, my mother wouldn't have to work so late, and she would never have always come and get me from my grandparents' house."Despite that, I never get myself to see through my desire because I knew deep down if I ever started, I could never hold myself back, and I always have my grandparents watching over me."Yet, I always had this demon deeply hidden within me, so, to keep it in check, I put my attention elsewhere, and ironically, I chose the same business which caused my mother's death: Weaponry!"I didn't know why, but I got a strange satisfaction whenever I researched those weapons of mass destruction. It put me at ease, or I could say it keeps that demon in check."The people who died because of me were many, and despite knowing this, I still didn't stop because I couldn't stop."Even though I never killed them myself, I designed and created the tools that can kill anyone and anywhere. I created them so meticulously that when they use for the kill, the target will never have a chance to escape alive."I even developed a new weapon and released it to the world, and I even became a tycoon because of it. Because of it, people called me a genius researcher, not a killer."However, that wasn't the only technology I developed. There were ten, even more, terrifying weapons I designed, but I never made them public or even told anyone about them because I knew if any one of those weapon blueprints saw the light of the day, then it might really burn the entire world down, and I don't want it since I would turn into ashes as well."However, I could never stop myself from continuing to walk on this path because this will give me the most incredible pleasure. This is how I could live like an average person. I even had a happy family."But you know what, I was never able to throw that thought of how it would have felt to kill myself out of my mind. Not until I was close to my death."In the last years of my life, I found I crave my life far more than that bloodlust or anything else, as a matter of fact, and finally overcome that demon which was with me for my entire life and my bloodlust."However, what I could never conquer was death. Even if I slow it down, it still comes and gets me. This finally made me understand that life was far more precious than I thought, and I even felt remorse about what I had done in my entire life. I feel genuine despair, a terror which only a dying person would understand."Regardless, somehow, after I awake here, and you put me through all those suffering that I never imagined before, I found out that the demon within me was still there. It never left or was eliminated. I unknowingly hold control of it, and you help me understand it!"Jacob's face was exempt from any emotion as he confessed he had been carrying for all his life. He never thought he would tell anyone about it and he'll carry it to his grave, and he did.But after encountering Decker, he felt like telling him all this because Decker was someone he got to talk with after a very long time. In all those years living with the help of those machines, he could never speak or think straight.Someone seldom visited him, and even if someone were talking to him, he would hardly understand the words because of the condition which he put himself into.But after taking over this body, he felt alive again, but Decker still taught him that this world was full of ruthless people and monsters like him, and it was far more dangerous than his previous world, and he had to be ruthless if he wanted to survive here.Nevertheless, he still hated Decker since he put him through all that pain and despair, and now he was even refusing to talk."Do you know why I was telling you all this?" Jacob impassively said, "You may speak freely." He didn't want Decker to interrupt him, so he made him shut up before.Decker suddenly started laughing crazily, "Hahaha It seemed like your brain was thoroughly damaged because of all those experiments. Your delusions really know no bounds. Hahaha"How could he not laugh?Jacob was talking about his previous life and reincarnation. Decker didn't understand any of it since it all seemed like a fantasy story to him and a lunatic's imagination, so he would naturally not believe it, even if you beat him to death.The concept of reincarnation just does not fit well with someone like Decker.Jacob remained expressionless and said, "Maybe you're right or maybe not but don't you understand the hidden meaning behind my story? Or are you just an intelligent idiot?""Heh, you're just a maniacal human, so stop talking about intelligence with me!" Decker sneered.Jacob didn't mind and continued, "It's simple. Actually, it's like this when you're in a desperate situation or desperate for something your mind will never stop thinking about its solution and even find started to create different ways to solve it or get the thing you wanted."You'll even imagine robbing that thing you want or magically solving your situation with almost impossible facts in play."However, when you accept that the situation is hopeless or you can't get what you want, your mind will never think about these solutions."But this will also put a hold on your thinking, and you'll just limit yourself as you keep doing the same again and again until you simply stop thinking creatively and cage yourself in a mental cage you create for yourself."You see, your situation is like the latter scenario. Since you accept your death, you'll never budge or at least think this way."However, I'm the former kind because I desperately want that information, and I will keep trying and thinking all the possible ways to obtain it, and this helps me think out of the box, which is what we call imagination."
