Chapter 534: Large Weights on small Shoulders
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"Wait… is that why Sloth is the way it is? For traumatised demons?" asked Kat
Lillian shrugged, "It's a complicated issue. Certainly not all of them. Quite a few demons just have Sloth imbedded in them the same way we have Lust. You can't escape it in some form, it is part of us. For some, Sloth is their calling and they cannot escape, many do not try, and many more have no wish to."
*Wait… what part of me has Lust embedded? I'm not sure I've had a lewd thought about a single person, except in the abstract when imagining it as something I may want in the future… and normally it didn't really feel like a good goal anyway. Should I ask…? Maybe later…*
Lillian did notice the look on Kat's face as she continued to speak, but said nothing, not willing to pry for now. "Others go there as a different kind of retirement to the stuff we offer here. A life of calm and peace, if a very samey one. I've been told it's relaxing, and we even have rooms for sensory deprivation here, or basic mundane tasks like stacking cards or putting blocks in matching holes but…
"I've been told it's not the same. I don't understand, and I'm not sure if it's because I don't need that sort of calm or if I'm incapable of seeing the difference for some other more fundamental reason that escapes me.
"Then finally… not that the people who are there would admit it, are the traumatised. I don't know I'd say Sloth does it intentionally, not like how we try to get them therapy. It just… it just seems to be where they gravitate for some reason, if not sticking around Wrath to remember the good ol' days or something.
"Some members of that faction… they feel so broken to my senses and I find it immensely sad. Still, it's not something I'm allowed to look too closely at. I'm part of a rival Faction and it's just not something I'm allowed to investigate. I could bring in someone else to look into it of course but… it never seems to be doing harm, and stating as much would be an extremely serious accusation. Plus… some of them do come for therapy here anyway, so it's not all of them that use it as a substitute…"
Lillian trailed off and Kat waited a few moments before speaking up once it was clear Lillian had nothing more to say. "What… what causes someone to break like that? It's… it's somewhat hard to picture"
Lillian sucked in a deep breath and seemed to age ten years in an instant. The effect was magnified because Kat could tell Lillian didn't actually alter her features at old. When she spoke next the childish part of her voice was so quiet Kat wouldn't know it was there if she hadn't heard how Lillian spoke before. "Demons can break in a number of ways.
"I understand you ask because you're a nondem, so you can only really see things from a humans perspective, or at least, what you think is a humans perspective. Demons break very differently and yet exactly the same. The first thing you have to know though, is that demons are not human.
"Some of us are very human, and share many of the same thoughts and feelings… but we still aren't. We also aren't elves, or beast people or dryads. We have different needs and emotional requirements. An example of this, is that for some Succubi, the mere idea of being unattractive can cause physical illness. Scarring is taking especially bad by this people and can cause them to suffer from other issues, a notable one is muscle atrophy."
Kat's eyes went wide. *Is that something I have to worry about?* Lillian shrugged and continued, "I can see the question on your face Kat, and honestly… I don't know. I imagine you'll be fine, but I don't know. Still, to further the point, a lot of Wrath demons don't look at death the same way.
"They don't see it as anything bad. Some of them are physically incapable of feeling guilt for killing someone. They see nothing wrong with dying in battle. Sure we have really good healing now so they aren't the ones dying anywhere near as often, not that it was common before, but to them it just doesn't register as a problem some times.
"For even more of them, violence is just something to heal away. They can be beating their best friend with said friends recently severed arm, finish the spar, and then everyone's best friends again suffering from no ill effects.
"Or, perhaps we could talk about Gorgons. They are very sympathetic to snakes. Even snakes they know have no higher intelligence. They struggle to kill them and it can cause their hair to attack them. It shouldn't be like that. There's no discernible reason but it is a well-documented phenomenon.
"Anyway, those are all just general things. Still, they give a bit of an idea how a demon can break. And when a demon breaks… something just sort of lives them. Makes them hollow. Their demonic fire doesn't really burn anymore. It's more like the dusty ashes from long ago.
"They won't ever kill themselves. Suicide is not something demons ever consider. Nobody knows why. We are one of the few species that don't seem to do it. Some smarter individuals than I believe we were made that way. Made to consider death as something that is never an option.
"With that limitation on us… living such long lives can be a huge issue. If you're completely crushed and have nothing left… well… that's when you slink to Sloth, blend in with the other workers, and just… stop doing anything. Become a cog in the machine gladly and never think about moving outside of it. For when the world is pain, make yourself into something no longer a part of that world."
Lillian let out a long sigh and tapped on her desk. A few seconds past and then a steaming cup of coffee appeared and she took a long sip. "Do you want one?" asked Lillian
"I'm not much of a coffee person, I'll be fine" said Kat
"I can call up something else" said Lillian, "water, juice of some kind, hmm, a bit young for alcohol, but soft drinks would be alright with your regeneration."
"Just some water then thanks" answered Kat.
Lillian gave a slight nod of affirmation before pressing in a slightly different area of the desk summoning a glass of water and throwing it towards Kat. Kat reacted instinctively and caught it out of the air… and then looked down in surprise to realise that despite being exceptionally full not a drop had spilled out.
"Sorry, that got a little heavy there Kat." Said Lillian, "It's a topic close to my heart. It's actually the main reason that I pushed to have therapy as part of my Faction and not medical you know? It's not currently consistent which Faction takes on therapists in each Hub, but I was never going to settle for it being someone else's problem while I'm in charge here."
"That's very understandable" said Kat, "Is… how curable is it? I mean… I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone as broken as you describe so… even though it's hard to picture I don't even know where recovery would start"
Lillian let out another long sigh. The childish part of her voice rising up slightly but not much. "It takes a lot of work honestly. The biggest hitter is when they lose their romantic partner, or, D.E.M.O.N.S forbid one of their children… or both. That normally breaks them down quickly.
"Demons as a species just kinda… keep spreading out. Old age is rarely an issue, and when it is, normally the parents aren't better off so they'll… deal with it first I suppose. It's always a horrible thing to lose a loved one. For demons… some of them just never move on. To even start working on them we sometimes have to weight decades or centuries just to get them to talk to ANYONE. Not a therapist, not their boss… anyone at all.
"Once that's done, it tends to take a lot of effort from somebody close to get them to therapy. If it's me, or just a concerned citizen, they tend to brush it all off. That it doesn't really matter. That we're a stranger we won't bother with them. Or, that if we do bother with them we'll leave as well, eventually.
"Once started it's really up to the therapist in question. I'm actually licensed but… I find my shapeshifting ability doesn't help. If I go as myself, which I legally have to, because impersonating a medical professional, therapist or doctor, is illegal for us. That actually doesn't change if you're a doctor trying to be another one, even if they don't exist.
"So when I get clients… oh so many of them ask me to transform into the people they've lost. Which, I can't do. I don't get memories. I'm just a shapeshifter. Well, a bit more, but I don't have any memory related skills. I can't steal them, can't find them in other people. Nothing. So… it just doesn't go well. A lot of demons feel like I'm holding out on them by not transforming but I think using my shapeshifting as a coping mechanism is horribly manipulative on my part at best and gross negligence and painful at worst"
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"Wait… is that why Sloth is the way it is? For traumatised demons?" asked Kat
Lillian shrugged, "It's a complicated issue. Certainly not all of them. Quite a few demons just have Sloth imbedded in them the same way we have Lust. You can't escape it in some form, it is part of us. For some, Sloth is their calling and they cannot escape, many do not try, and many more have no wish to."
*Wait… what part of me has Lust embedded? I'm not sure I've had a lewd thought about a single person, except in the abstract when imagining it as something I may want in the future… and normally it didn't really feel like a good goal anyway. Should I ask…? Maybe later…*
Lillian did notice the look on Kat's face as she continued to speak, but said nothing, not willing to pry for now. "Others go there as a different kind of retirement to the stuff we offer here. A life of calm and peace, if a very samey one. I've been told it's relaxing, and we even have rooms for sensory deprivation here, or basic mundane tasks like stacking cards or putting blocks in matching holes but…
"I've been told it's not the same. I don't understand, and I'm not sure if it's because I don't need that sort of calm or if I'm incapable of seeing the difference for some other more fundamental reason that escapes me.
"Then finally… not that the people who are there would admit it, are the traumatised. I don't know I'd say Sloth does it intentionally, not like how we try to get them therapy. It just… it just seems to be where they gravitate for some reason, if not sticking around Wrath to remember the good ol' days or something.
"Some members of that faction… they feel so broken to my senses and I find it immensely sad. Still, it's not something I'm allowed to look too closely at. I'm part of a rival Faction and it's just not something I'm allowed to investigate. I could bring in someone else to look into it of course but… it never seems to be doing harm, and stating as much would be an extremely serious accusation. Plus… some of them do come for therapy here anyway, so it's not all of them that use it as a substitute…"
Lillian trailed off and Kat waited a few moments before speaking up once it was clear Lillian had nothing more to say. "What… what causes someone to break like that? It's… it's somewhat hard to picture"
Lillian sucked in a deep breath and seemed to age ten years in an instant. The effect was magnified because Kat could tell Lillian didn't actually alter her features at old. When she spoke next the childish part of her voice was so quiet Kat wouldn't know it was there if she hadn't heard how Lillian spoke before. "Demons can break in a number of ways.
"I understand you ask because you're a nondem, so you can only really see things from a humans perspective, or at least, what you think is a humans perspective. Demons break very differently and yet exactly the same. The first thing you have to know though, is that demons are not human.
"Some of us are very human, and share many of the same thoughts and feelings… but we still aren't. We also aren't elves, or beast people or dryads. We have different needs and emotional requirements. An example of this, is that for some Succubi, the mere idea of being unattractive can cause physical illness. Scarring is taking especially bad by this people and can cause them to suffer from other issues, a notable one is muscle atrophy."
Kat's eyes went wide. *Is that something I have to worry about?* Lillian shrugged and continued, "I can see the question on your face Kat, and honestly… I don't know. I imagine you'll be fine, but I don't know. Still, to further the point, a lot of Wrath demons don't look at death the same way.
"They don't see it as anything bad. Some of them are physically incapable of feeling guilt for killing someone. They see nothing wrong with dying in battle. Sure we have really good healing now so they aren't the ones dying anywhere near as often, not that it was common before, but to them it just doesn't register as a problem some times.
"For even more of them, violence is just something to heal away. They can be beating their best friend with said friends recently severed arm, finish the spar, and then everyone's best friends again suffering from no ill effects.
"Or, perhaps we could talk about Gorgons. They are very sympathetic to snakes. Even snakes they know have no higher intelligence. They struggle to kill them and it can cause their hair to attack them. It shouldn't be like that. There's no discernible reason but it is a well-documented phenomenon.
"Anyway, those are all just general things. Still, they give a bit of an idea how a demon can break. And when a demon breaks… something just sort of lives them. Makes them hollow. Their demonic fire doesn't really burn anymore. It's more like the dusty ashes from long ago.
"They won't ever kill themselves. Suicide is not something demons ever consider. Nobody knows why. We are one of the few species that don't seem to do it. Some smarter individuals than I believe we were made that way. Made to consider death as something that is never an option.
"With that limitation on us… living such long lives can be a huge issue. If you're completely crushed and have nothing left… well… that's when you slink to Sloth, blend in with the other workers, and just… stop doing anything. Become a cog in the machine gladly and never think about moving outside of it. For when the world is pain, make yourself into something no longer a part of that world."
Lillian let out a long sigh and tapped on her desk. A few seconds past and then a steaming cup of coffee appeared and she took a long sip. "Do you want one?" asked Lillian
"I'm not much of a coffee person, I'll be fine" said Kat
"I can call up something else" said Lillian, "water, juice of some kind, hmm, a bit young for alcohol, but soft drinks would be alright with your regeneration."
"Just some water then thanks" answered Kat.
Lillian gave a slight nod of affirmation before pressing in a slightly different area of the desk summoning a glass of water and throwing it towards Kat. Kat reacted instinctively and caught it out of the air… and then looked down in surprise to realise that despite being exceptionally full not a drop had spilled out.
"Sorry, that got a little heavy there Kat." Said Lillian, "It's a topic close to my heart. It's actually the main reason that I pushed to have therapy as part of my Faction and not medical you know? It's not currently consistent which Faction takes on therapists in each Hub, but I was never going to settle for it being someone else's problem while I'm in charge here."
"That's very understandable" said Kat, "Is… how curable is it? I mean… I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone as broken as you describe so… even though it's hard to picture I don't even know where recovery would start"
Lillian let out another long sigh. The childish part of her voice rising up slightly but not much. "It takes a lot of work honestly. The biggest hitter is when they lose their romantic partner, or, D.E.M.O.N.S forbid one of their children… or both. That normally breaks them down quickly.
"Demons as a species just kinda… keep spreading out. Old age is rarely an issue, and when it is, normally the parents aren't better off so they'll… deal with it first I suppose. It's always a horrible thing to lose a loved one. For demons… some of them just never move on. To even start working on them we sometimes have to weight decades or centuries just to get them to talk to ANYONE. Not a therapist, not their boss… anyone at all.
"Once that's done, it tends to take a lot of effort from somebody close to get them to therapy. If it's me, or just a concerned citizen, they tend to brush it all off. That it doesn't really matter. That we're a stranger we won't bother with them. Or, that if we do bother with them we'll leave as well, eventually.
"Once started it's really up to the therapist in question. I'm actually licensed but… I find my shapeshifting ability doesn't help. If I go as myself, which I legally have to, because impersonating a medical professional, therapist or doctor, is illegal for us. That actually doesn't change if you're a doctor trying to be another one, even if they don't exist.
"So when I get clients… oh so many of them ask me to transform into the people they've lost. Which, I can't do. I don't get memories. I'm just a shapeshifter. Well, a bit more, but I don't have any memory related skills. I can't steal them, can't find them in other people. Nothing. So… it just doesn't go well. A lot of demons feel like I'm holding out on them by not transforming but I think using my shapeshifting as a coping mechanism is horribly manipulative on my part at best and gross negligence and painful at worst"
"Wait is that why Sloth is the way it is? For traumatised demons?" asked KatLillian shrugged, "It's a complicated issue. Certainly not all of them. Quite a few demons just have Sloth imbedded in them the same way we have Lust. You can't escape it in some form, it is part of us. For some, Sloth is their calling and they cannot escape, many do not try, and many more have no wish to."*Wait what part of me has Lust embedded? I'm not sure I've had a lewd thought about a single person, except in the abstract when imagining it as something I may want in the future and normally it didn't really feel like a good goal anyway. Should I ask? Maybe later*Lillian did notice the look on Kat's face as she continued to speak, but said nothing, not willing to pry for now. "Others go there as a different kind of retirement to the stuff we offer here. A life of calm and peace, if a very samey one. I've been told it's relaxing, and we even have rooms for sensory deprivation here, or basic mundane tasks like stacking cards or putting blocks in matching holes but"I've been told it's not the same. I don't understand, and I'm not sure if it's because I don't need that sort of calm or if I'm incapable of seeing the difference for some other more fundamental reason that escapes me."Then finally not that the people who are there would admit it, are the traumatised. I don't know I'd say Sloth does it intentionally, not like how we try to get them therapy. It just it just seems to be where they gravitate for some reason, if not sticking around Wrath to remember the good ol' days or something."Some members of that faction they feel so broken to my senses and I find it immensely sad. Still, it's not something I'm allowed to look too closely at. I'm part of a rival Faction and it's just not something I'm allowed to investigate. I could bring in someone else to look into it of course but it never seems to be doing harm, and stating as much would be an extremely serious accusation. Plus some of them do come for therapy here anyway, so it's not all of them that use it as a substitute"Lillian trailed off and Kat waited a few moments before speaking up once it was clear Lillian had nothing more to say. "What what causes someone to break like that? It's it's somewhat hard to picture" Lillian sucked in a deep breath and seemed to age ten years in an instant. The effect was magnified because Kat could tell Lillian didn't actually alter her features at old. When she spoke next the childish part of her voice was so quiet Kat wouldn't know it was there if she hadn't heard how Lillian spoke before. "Demons can break in a number of ways. "I understand you ask because you're a nondem, so you can only really see things from a humans perspective, or at least, what you think is a humans perspective. Demons break very differently and yet exactly the same. The first thing you have to know though, is that demons are not human. "Some of us are very human, and share many of the same thoughts and feelings but we still aren't. We also aren't elves, or beast people or dryads. We have different needs and emotional requirements. An example of this, is that for some Succubi, the mere idea of being unattractive can cause physical illness. Scarring is taking especially bad by this people and can cause them to suffer from other issues, a notable one is muscle atrophy."Kat's eyes went wide. *Is that something I have to worry about?* Lillian shrugged and continued, "I can see the question on your face Kat, and honestly I don't know. I imagine you'll be fine, but I don't know. Still, to further the point, a lot of Wrath demons don't look at death the same way. "They don't see it as anything bad. Some of them are physically incapable of feeling guilt for killing someone. They see nothing wrong with dying in battle. Sure we have really good healing now so they aren't the ones dying anywhere near as often, not that it was common before, but to them it just doesn't register as a problem some times. "For even more of them, violence is just something to heal away. They can be beating their best friend with said friends recently severed arm, finish the spar, and then everyone's best friends again suffering from no ill effects. "Or, perhaps we could talk about Gorgons. They are very sympathetic to snakes. Even snakes they know have no higher intelligence. They struggle to kill them and it can cause their hair to attack them. It shouldn't be like that. There's no discernible reason but it is a well-documented phenomenon. "Anyway, those are all just general things. Still, they give a bit of an idea how a demon can break. And when a demon breaks something just sort of lives them. Makes them hollow. Their demonic fire doesn't really burn anymore. It's more like the dusty ashes from long ago. "They won't ever kill themselves. Suicide is not something demons ever consider. Nobody knows why. We are one of the few species that don't seem to do it. Some smarter individuals than I believe we were made that way. Made to consider death as something that is never an option. "With that limitation on us living such long lives can be a huge issue. If you're completely crushed and have nothing left well that's when you slink to Sloth, blend in with the other workers, and just stop doing anything. Become a cog in the machine gladly and never think about moving outside of it. For when the world is pain, make yourself into something no longer a part of that world." Lillian let out a long sigh and tapped on her desk. A few seconds past and then a steaming cup of coffee appeared and she took a long sip. "Do you want one?" asked Lillian"I'm not much of a coffee person, I'll be fine" said Kat"I can call up something else" said Lillian, "water, juice of some kind, hmm, a bit young for alcohol, but soft drinks would be alright with your regeneration.""Just some water then thanks" answered Kat. Lillian gave a slight nod of affirmation before pressing in a slightly different area of the desk summoning a glass of water and throwing it towards Kat. Kat reacted instinctively and caught it out of the air and then looked down in surprise to realise that despite being exceptionally full not a drop had spilled out. "Sorry, that got a little heavy there Kat." Said Lillian, "It's a topic close to my heart. It's actually the main reason that I pushed to have therapy as part of my Faction and not medical you know? It's not currently consistent which Faction takes on therapists in each Hub, but I was never going to settle for it being someone else's problem while I'm in charge here.""That's very understandable" said Kat, "Is how curable is it? I mean I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone as broken as you describe so even though it's hard to picture I don't even know where recovery would start" Lillian let out another long sigh. The childish part of her voice rising up slightly but not much. "It takes a lot of work honestly. The biggest hitter is when they lose their romantic partner, or, D.E.M.O.N.S forbid one of their children or both. That normally breaks them down quickly. "Demons as a species just kinda keep spreading out. Old age is rarely an issue, and when it is, normally the parents aren't better off so they'll deal with it first I suppose. It's always a horrible thing to lose a loved one. For demons some of them just never move on. To even start working on them we sometimes have to weight decades or centuries just to get them to talk to ANYONE. Not a therapist, not their boss anyone at all. "Once that's done, it tends to take a lot of effort from somebody close to get them to therapy. If it's me, or just a concerned citizen, they tend to brush it all off. That it doesn't really matter. That we're a stranger we won't bother with them. Or, that if we do bother with them we'll leave as well, eventually. "Once started it's really up to the therapist in question. I'm actually licensed but I find my shapeshifting ability doesn't help. If I go as myself, which I legally have to, because impersonating a medical professional, therapist or doctor, is illegal for us. That actually doesn't change if you're a doctor trying to be another one, even if they don't exist. "So when I get clients oh so many of them ask me to transform into the people they've lost. Which, I can't do. I don't get memories. I'm just a shapeshifter. Well, a bit more, but I don't have any memory related skills. I can't steal them, can't find them in other people. Nothing. So it just doesn't go well. A lot of demons feel like I'm holding out on them by not transforming but I think using my shapeshifting as a coping mechanism is horribly manipulative on my part at best and gross negligence and painful at worst"
