Chapter 244: I Didn't
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Lina placed the folder down. It weighed like paper, which was nothing. But the information was heavy in her hands and she no longer wanted to touch it. Immediately, Lina excused Estella for the day, deeming their work was complete.
"Take an early day off," Lina had said.
After Estella's departure, Lina sat in her office for a few minutes. She did nothing but stare at the infamous emblem of medicine, twin snakes wrapped around a scepter. All she did was memorize each intricate line of the logo. Then, she picked up the phone, told Kaden of the news, and hung up.
Lina turned in her chair to look out the window behind her. After a split second, she stood up, approached the balcony to the right of the room, and stepped outside. The open-air caressed her skin, filling her lungs with freshness. She closed her eyes to bask in the sunlight and hear the pleasant chirp of birds.
With each passing minute the file rested on her desk, her shoulders grew heavy and her heart quickened. Despite the breeze that rushed past her hair and nipped at her skin, she was breaking out into a cold sweat.
"What to do… what to do…" Lina could feel the heaviness of the papers on the desk. The item might as well burn a hole on the spot.
Lina couldn't bring herself to look at the envelope. The results would be devastating.
Rina once told her, "Love is a losing game. There was never a victor. There were only sore losers."
Lina never understood it until now. Even if Lina was the fertile one, she still lost. Even if Kaden was the fertile one, he still lost. It took two to create a family. And with neither on board, then there was no family.
Lina could feel her finger shake when she tucked hair behind her ears. She earned the distinct crush of pebbles on dirt. Kaden was home. He sped enough to break every driving law in existence. When she turned around, her heart quickened.
"He's here."
Lina could hear his approaching footsteps. Usually, his presence was quiet and collected. He scared people in that manner. Creeping up behind them, watching over their shoulders… no one ever anticipated his presence. He was just… there.
When the door pushed open, Lina's breath was caught in her lungs. Kaden's hair appeared windswept and messy, like he ran his hand through it many times. His fierce eyes swept the room.
Then, Kaden saw her. He glanced at nothing else, but her. She always had his full attention. He was never distracted. Never disturbed. Always, forever, he was watching her. What could be so interesting about her face?
"How are you feeling?" Kaden immediately asked.
He always asked questions concerning her. No, "where is the envelope?" or "Did you read the results?"
Lina's mouth became parched. She was unable to speak. Her chest felt heavy and she could barely wait out the moments. With pressure on her shoulders and the world awaiting her response, she shifted her eyes out the window.
"We'd have to live in Ritan," Lina suddenly said. "The house we bought for the wedding venue can be a vacation home. Our work is in Ritan. Your company is here and—"
"But how are you, dove?"
Lina swallowed. "DeHaven Conglomerate's headquarters is here and so is many other large companies like Krystal's—"
"Lina."
Lina's throat closed up. He never used her real name. He seldom saw the need to. Only in serious matters like this did he focus on it. Or perhaps, the only seriousness wasn't the file, but how quickly she avoided the topic. Unable to answer him, she rested her elbows on the balcony fence, lowered her head in defeat, and said nothing.
"You saw."
"I didn't."
Silence followed. Lina turned her head over her shoulders to see Kaden's expression landing on the untouched folder. The seal was still there.
"How are you, then?" Kaden insisted.
"Fine."
Kaden's jaws clenched. His eyes flickered with disapproval. He took a dangerous step closer.
"Don't lie to me, dove."
"I'm scared," Lina finally admitted. Her heart grew a bit lighter with the truth. "I'm terrified, even."
Kaden's hard expression softened. It didn't stop his hands from furling into fists. He approached her and stood by her side. His arms were limp by his side.
"If I am the infertile one," Kaden slowly said. "That child in our first life is not mine, but Atlan's."
Lina nearly threw up on the spot. She opened and closed her mouth. The possibility never crossed her mind. Shakily, she averted her attention to the floor. She didn't know what to say. What could she say in a situation like this? He had always thought the child was his. That was what she believed as well. The possibility of Atlan impregnating her never crossed her mind. And it certainly never crossed his, until now.
"The entire time I made love to you, you could've been carrying another man's child. And when you birthed it, I would not know, not unless the child resembled neither of us," Kaden murmured.
"Would you have killed the child and then me?"
"No."
Lina's head snapped to Kaden. She was at a loss of words for him. Her heart stopped. When she was eyeing the floor, he was looking into the distance. This was the first time he wasn't watching her.
"I would've pretended to not know. I would've taken that child as my firstborn heir and loved them as so. I wouldn't even ask questions about their lack of similarities. And I would've murdered any ministers that dared to question us."
Kaden brushed his thumb upon his knuckles. Lina noticed the lack of a ring. She wanted him to wear one—a black steel ring matching his favorite color.
"Perhaps I was fertile in the first but not fertile now," Lina murmured. "I could be—"
"We can stand here all day pondering the truth," Kaden softly said to her. "Would you like that?"
"No."
Lina's response was immediate. "I'd hate it even more if we move, though."
Lina shakily grabbed his hand. He froze at the contact, his eyes narrowed into slits. She pressed her body to his arm, resting her forehead upon it.
"I fear the truth will lead to resentment," Lina confessed. "If I am infertile, you'll resent me. If you're infertile, I'll resent you."
"Dove—"
"Do not convince me otherwise. I am no fool. Together, we'll harbor hatred in our hearts until that emotion tears us into two. Until our soul is no longer joined and our hearts are no longer in each other's hands."
Kaden could not say anything. He just couldn't. He clenched his jaw and glanced away. Despite that, he touched her left waist, then her right. He pulled her towards him, to his chest, and embraced her tightly, so that she heard his heart.
"You hear that?" Kaden hoarsely asked. "This heart only beats wildly for you."
Lina's eyes watered with unshed tears. She let out a shaky breath, clenching onto his shirt tightly.
"Do you want a child?" Kaden questioned in a controlled voice. "At this moment? If you are to become a mother, I want you at home. I don't want you working, for it'd strain you and our child. If you're to give birth, I want you resting, not running a company. If the child is to grow, I want you by their side."
"You want so much and I can give so little," Lina shakily said to him.
"I will not settle for any less, Lina—"
"But I—"
"I won't settle!" Kaden growled, raising his voice for the first time in weeks.
Lina froze. Her entire body stilled. She slowly raised her head, looked him dead in the eye, and uttered a single word that shattered him.
"Stop."
"Dove—"
"I envision a future with you. And if we can't solve problems without raising our voices, then there is no future. I grew up in a violent household and I refuse to let our child witness the same disputes."
Kaden's fury died down. He didn't even hesitate. Her words stopped everything in its tracks. He could only let out a shaky breath. After a second of collecting his thoughts, he nodded—firmly.
"We'll settle disputes in peace," Kaden agreed, for the betterment of their children and future.
Lina breathed out through her nose. She peered up at him, searching his eyes for a lie. He wasn't lying. He laid the truth at her feet.
Kaden bent and kissed the side of her head. "For our sanity's sake, let's not look at the results," he murmured.
"Let nature take its course," Lina agreed.
For the sake of their relationship, they decide to bury the folders in the depths of their drawer, where one day, they'll open it—but not today.
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Lina placed the folder down. It weighed like paper, which was nothing. But the information was heavy in her hands and she no longer wanted to touch it. Immediately, Lina excused Estella for the day, deeming their work was complete.
"Take an early day off," Lina had said.
After Estella's departure, Lina sat in her office for a few minutes. She did nothing but stare at the infamous emblem of medicine, twin snakes wrapped around a scepter. All she did was memorize each intricate line of the logo. Then, she picked up the phone, told Kaden of the news, and hung up.
Lina turned in her chair to look out the window behind her. After a split second, she stood up, approached the balcony to the right of the room, and stepped outside. The open-air caressed her skin, filling her lungs with freshness. She closed her eyes to bask in the sunlight and hear the pleasant chirp of birds.
With each passing minute the file rested on her desk, her shoulders grew heavy and her heart quickened. Despite the breeze that rushed past her hair and nipped at her skin, she was breaking out into a cold sweat.
"What to do… what to do…" Lina could feel the heaviness of the papers on the desk. The item might as well burn a hole on the spot.
Lina couldn't bring herself to look at the envelope. The results would be devastating.
Rina once told her, "Love is a losing game. There was never a victor. There were only sore losers."
Lina never understood it until now. Even if Lina was the fertile one, she still lost. Even if Kaden was the fertile one, he still lost. It took two to create a family. And with neither on board, then there was no family.
Lina could feel her finger shake when she tucked hair behind her ears. She earned the distinct crush of pebbles on dirt. Kaden was home. He sped enough to break every driving law in existence. When she turned around, her heart quickened.
"He's here."
Lina could hear his approaching footsteps. Usually, his presence was quiet and collected. He scared people in that manner. Creeping up behind them, watching over their shoulders… no one ever anticipated his presence. He was just… there.
When the door pushed open, Lina's breath was caught in her lungs. Kaden's hair appeared windswept and messy, like he ran his hand through it many times. His fierce eyes swept the room.
Then, Kaden saw her. He glanced at nothing else, but her. She always had his full attention. He was never distracted. Never disturbed. Always, forever, he was watching her. What could be so interesting about her face?
"How are you feeling?" Kaden immediately asked.
He always asked questions concerning her. No, "where is the envelope?" or "Did you read the results?"
Lina's mouth became parched. She was unable to speak. Her chest felt heavy and she could barely wait out the moments. With pressure on her shoulders and the world awaiting her response, she shifted her eyes out the window.
"We'd have to live in Ritan," Lina suddenly said. "The house we bought for the wedding venue can be a vacation home. Our work is in Ritan. Your company is here and—"
"But how are you, dove?"
Lina swallowed. "DeHaven Conglomerate's headquarters is here and so is many other large companies like Krystal's—"
"Lina."
Lina's throat closed up. He never used her real name. He seldom saw the need to. Only in serious matters like this did he focus on it. Or perhaps, the only seriousness wasn't the file, but how quickly she avoided the topic. Unable to answer him, she rested her elbows on the balcony fence, lowered her head in defeat, and said nothing.
"You saw."
"I didn't."
Silence followed. Lina turned her head over her shoulders to see Kaden's expression landing on the untouched folder. The seal was still there.
"How are you, then?" Kaden insisted.
"Fine."
Kaden's jaws clenched. His eyes flickered with disapproval. He took a dangerous step closer.
"Don't lie to me, dove."
"I'm scared," Lina finally admitted. Her heart grew a bit lighter with the truth. "I'm terrified, even."
Kaden's hard expression softened. It didn't stop his hands from furling into fists. He approached her and stood by her side. His arms were limp by his side.
"If I am the infertile one," Kaden slowly said. "That child in our first life is not mine, but Atlan's."
Lina nearly threw up on the spot. She opened and closed her mouth. The possibility never crossed her mind. Shakily, she averted her attention to the floor. She didn't know what to say. What could she say in a situation like this? He had always thought the child was his. That was what she believed as well. The possibility of Atlan impregnating her never crossed her mind. And it certainly never crossed his, until now.
"The entire time I made love to you, you could've been carrying another man's child. And when you birthed it, I would not know, not unless the child resembled neither of us," Kaden murmured.
"Would you have killed the child and then me?"
"No."
Lina's head snapped to Kaden. She was at a loss of words for him. Her heart stopped. When she was eyeing the floor, he was looking into the distance. This was the first time he wasn't watching her.
"I would've pretended to not know. I would've taken that child as my firstborn heir and loved them as so. I wouldn't even ask questions about their lack of similarities. And I would've murdered any ministers that dared to question us."
Kaden brushed his thumb upon his knuckles. Lina noticed the lack of a ring. She wanted him to wear one—a black steel ring matching his favorite color.
"Perhaps I was fertile in the first but not fertile now," Lina murmured. "I could be—"
"We can stand here all day pondering the truth," Kaden softly said to her. "Would you like that?"
"No."
Lina's response was immediate. "I'd hate it even more if we move, though."
Lina shakily grabbed his hand. He froze at the contact, his eyes narrowed into slits. She pressed her body to his arm, resting her forehead upon it.
"I fear the truth will lead to resentment," Lina confessed. "If I am infertile, you'll resent me. If you're infertile, I'll resent you."
"Dove—"
"Do not convince me otherwise. I am no fool. Together, we'll harbor hatred in our hearts until that emotion tears us into two. Until our soul is no longer joined and our hearts are no longer in each other's hands."
Kaden could not say anything. He just couldn't. He clenched his jaw and glanced away. Despite that, he touched her left waist, then her right. He pulled her towards him, to his chest, and embraced her tightly, so that she heard his heart.
"You hear that?" Kaden hoarsely asked. "This heart only beats wildly for you."
Lina's eyes watered with unshed tears. She let out a shaky breath, clenching onto his shirt tightly.
"Do you want a child?" Kaden questioned in a controlled voice. "At this moment? If you are to become a mother, I want you at home. I don't want you working, for it'd strain you and our child. If you're to give birth, I want you resting, not running a company. If the child is to grow, I want you by their side."
"You want so much and I can give so little," Lina shakily said to him.
"I will not settle for any less, Lina—"
"But I—"
"I won't settle!" Kaden growled, raising his voice for the first time in weeks.
Lina froze. Her entire body stilled. She slowly raised her head, looked him dead in the eye, and uttered a single word that shattered him.
"Stop."
"Dove—"
"I envision a future with you. And if we can't solve problems without raising our voices, then there is no future. I grew up in a violent household and I refuse to let our child witness the same disputes."
Kaden's fury died down. He didn't even hesitate. Her words stopped everything in its tracks. He could only let out a shaky breath. After a second of collecting his thoughts, he nodded—firmly.
"We'll settle disputes in peace," Kaden agreed, for the betterment of their children and future.
Lina breathed out through her nose. She peered up at him, searching his eyes for a lie. He wasn't lying. He laid the truth at her feet.
Kaden bent and kissed the side of her head. "For our sanity's sake, let's not look at the results," he murmured.
"Let nature take its course," Lina agreed.
For the sake of their relationship, they decide to bury the folders in the depths of their drawer, where one day, they'll open it—but not today.
Lina placed the folder down. It weighed like paper, which was nothing. But the information was heavy in her hands and she no longer wanted to touch it. Immediately, Lina excused Estella for the day, deeming their work was complete. "Take an early day off," Lina had said.After Estella's departure, Lina sat in her office for a few minutes. She did nothing but stare at the infamous emblem of medicine, twin snakes wrapped around a scepter. All she did was memorize each intricate line of the logo. Then, she picked up the phone, told Kaden of the news, and hung up. Lina turned in her chair to look out the window behind her. After a split second, she stood up, approached the balcony to the right of the room, and stepped outside. The open-air caressed her skin, filling her lungs with freshness. She closed her eyes to bask in the sunlight and hear the pleasant chirp of birds.With each passing minute the file rested on her desk, her shoulders grew heavy and her heart quickened. Despite the breeze that rushed past her hair and nipped at her skin, she was breaking out into a cold sweat."What to do what to do" Lina could feel the heaviness of the papers on the desk. The item might as well burn a hole on the spot.Lina couldn't bring herself to look at the envelope. The results would be devastating.Rina once told her, "Love is a losing game. There was never a victor. There were only sore losers."Lina never understood it until now. Even if Lina was the fertile one, she still lost. Even if Kaden was the fertile one, he still lost. It took two to create a family. And with neither on board, then there was no family.Lina could feel her finger shake when she tucked hair behind her ears. She earned the distinct crush of pebbles on dirt. Kaden was home. He sped enough to break every driving law in existence. When she turned around, her heart quickened."He's here."Lina could hear his approaching footsteps. Usually, his presence was quiet and collected. He scared people in that manner. Creeping up behind them, watching over their shoulders no one ever anticipated his presence. He was just there.When the door pushed open, Lina's breath was caught in her lungs. Kaden's hair appeared windswept and messy, like he ran his hand through it many times. His fierce eyes swept the room. Then, Kaden saw her. He glanced at nothing else, but her. She always had his full attention. He was never distracted. Never disturbed. Always, forever, he was watching her. What could be so interesting about her face?"How are you feeling?" Kaden immediately asked.He always asked questions concerning her. No, "where is the envelope?" or "Did you read the results?" Lina's mouth became parched. She was unable to speak. Her chest felt heavy and she could barely wait out the moments. With pressure on her shoulders and the world awaiting her response, she shifted her eyes out the window."We'd have to live in Ritan," Lina suddenly said. "The house we bought for the wedding venue can be a vacation home. Our work is in Ritan. Your company is here and""But how are you, dove?"Lina swallowed. "DeHaven Conglomerate's headquarters is here and so is many other large companies like Krystal's""Lina."Lina's throat closed up. He never used her real name. He seldom saw the need to. Only in serious matters like this did he focus on it. Or perhaps, the only seriousness wasn't the file, but how quickly she avoided the topic. Unable to answer him, she rested her elbows on the balcony fence, lowered her head in defeat, and said nothing."You saw.""I didn't."Silence followed. Lina turned her head over her shoulders to see Kaden's expression landing on the untouched folder. The seal was still there. "How are you, then?" Kaden insisted."Fine."Kaden's jaws clenched. His eyes flickered with disapproval. He took a dangerous step closer. "Don't lie to me, dove.""I'm scared," Lina finally admitted. Her heart grew a bit lighter with the truth. "I'm terrified, even."Kaden's hard expression softened. It didn't stop his hands from furling into fists. He approached her and stood by her side. His arms were limp by his side."If I am the infertile one," Kaden slowly said. "That child in our first life is not mine, but Atlan's."Lina nearly threw up on the spot. She opened and closed her mouth. The possibility never crossed her mind. Shakily, she averted her attention to the floor. She didn't know what to say. What could she say in a situation like this? He had always thought the child was his. That was what she believed as well. The possibility of Atlan impregnating her never crossed her mind. And it certainly never crossed his, until now. "The entire time I made love to you, you could've been carrying another man's child. And when you birthed it, I would not know, not unless the child resembled neither of us," Kaden murmured."Would you have killed the child and then me?""No."Lina's head snapped to Kaden. She was at a loss of words for him. Her heart stopped. When she was eyeing the floor, he was looking into the distance. This was the first time he wasn't watching her."I would've pretended to not know. I would've taken that child as my firstborn heir and loved them as so. I wouldn't even ask questions about their lack of similarities. And I would've murdered any ministers that dared to question us." Kaden brushed his thumb upon his knuckles. Lina noticed the lack of a ring. She wanted him to wear onea black steel ring matching his favorite color. "Perhaps I was fertile in the first but not fertile now," Lina murmured. "I could be""We can stand here all day pondering the truth," Kaden softly said to her. "Would you like that?""No."Lina's response was immediate. "I'd hate it even more if we move, though."Lina shakily grabbed his hand. He froze at the contact, his eyes narrowed into slits. She pressed her body to his arm, resting her forehead upon it."I fear the truth will lead to resentment," Lina confessed. "If I am infertile, you'll resent me. If you're infertile, I'll resent you.""Dove""Do not convince me otherwise. I am no fool. Together, we'll harbor hatred in our hearts until that emotion tears us into two. Until our soul is no longer joined and our hearts are no longer in each other's hands."Kaden could not say anything. He just couldn't. He clenched his jaw and glanced away. Despite that, he touched her left waist, then her right. He pulled her towards him, to his chest, and embraced her tightly, so that she heard his heart. "You hear that?" Kaden hoarsely asked. "This heart only beats wildly for you."Lina's eyes watered with unshed tears. She let out a shaky breath, clenching onto his shirt tightly."Do you want a child?" Kaden questioned in a controlled voice. "At this moment? If you are to become a mother, I want you at home. I don't want you working, for it'd strain you and our child. If you're to give birth, I want you resting, not running a company. If the child is to grow, I want you by their side.""You want so much and I can give so little," Lina shakily said to him."I will not settle for any less, Lina""But I""I won't settle!" Kaden growled, raising his voice for the first time in weeks.Lina froze. Her entire body stilled. She slowly raised her head, looked him dead in the eye, and uttered a single word that shattered him."Stop.""Dove""I envision a future with you. And if we can't solve problems without raising our voices, then there is no future. I grew up in a violent household and I refuse to let our child witness the same disputes."Kaden's fury died down. He didn't even hesitate. Her words stopped everything in its tracks. He could only let out a shaky breath. After a second of collecting his thoughts, he noddedfirmly."We'll settle disputes in peace," Kaden agreed, for the betterment of their children and future.Lina breathed out through her nose. She peered up at him, searching his eyes for a lie. He wasn't lying. He laid the truth at her feet.Kaden bent and kissed the side of her head. "For our sanity's sake, let's not look at the results," he murmured."Let nature take its course," Lina agreed. For the sake of their relationship, they decide to bury the folders in the depths of their drawer, where one day, they'll open itbut not today.
