Chapter 160
Translator: yun
“Tonight at 7, we will gather here again to raid this place.”
Soricks said goodbye to me and left to pick up the other troops. Penne fiddled with a marble before whispering something. He seemed to have been communicating with Granius.
It was obvious but there was nothing I could do. Even if I had asked to participate in the raid, they wouldn’t listen to me.
‘I know I’ll only be a burden so I wasn’t planning on asking to join them.’
But a small part of me still wanted to. I wanted to see for myself that Hannah was safe and sound.
“Lord, should we head back?”
But for the sake of everyone else, I should put my greed aside. If I get caught in the middle of a dangerous fight and get hurt or even die, I would waste another day.
Repeating the day once more did not guarantee the day would be the same. I was serious. Someone who smiled on my 23rd regression could become angry on the 24th regression turn. People might be saying the same lines but they would make different facial expressions with different tones.
Anyway, it seemed like this was all I could do.
“Please wait! Prin—I mean, Pipio.”
Penne bolted towards us before whispering to me softly.
“The Aedile is asking for the princess to meet him in his Administrative Office now.”
I gulped.
Granius seemed to have learned that I was here as well.
Our way back felt shorter than our trip here. The carriage we were in parked at a spot not too far from the administrative building. As usual, the Lord decided to wait for me near the carriage.
“Will you be alright? Even if I don’t accompany you.”
“It’ll be fine. I think I’ll just get scolded. What else can I do? It’s only three minutes to the administrative office.”
After our conversation ended, I headed to the administration. I wondered if I had been walking for too long before I raised my head. I spotted an unknown flower with a subtle scent blooming above me.
“Is it an acacia…?”
I had just been suffering from a bad odour just a while ago so I was pleasantly surprised by the warm subtle scent of the flowers. And under the tree filled with white flowers in bloom, there Hernan stood like a dream.
“Princess. … It’s been a long time.”
It looked like he had not been expecting to see me. His expression of confusion and slight anxiety contorted his handsome face.
We stared at each other with only three steps between us. His blue eyes seemed to tremble a little before he averted his gaze and stared into the air. He still looked a little confused.
“You’re right. It has been a while.”
This man. I thought he would approach me first as soon as I returned to the Imperial Palace. But actually, I wasn’t sure if he would.
“In the meantime… how have you been?”
If I just walked a little further, I would reach the Administrative Building. But I would not be able to do so if he continued to get in my way.
As he walked over, his strange gait stood out which was why I hesitated.
“That day… May I ask how badly you were injured?”
Hernan spoke. It sounded like he tried to speak as smoothly and casually as possible but the words at the end of his sentence sounded slightly shaky. It felt strange and unfamiliar.
“Don’t come near me.”
He stopped.
“I wasn’t… particularly hurt.”
Since he kept pausing his approach, his outstretched hand did not reach me and remained hovering in the air.
Should I turn around and escape?
Let’s say I escape now. What next?
It felt like my mind had been bleached white. What’s wrong with me? This was so unnecessary. I knew I was going to see him again. What had I decided to do then?
“Hernan.”
I called for him. I erased most of my thoughts which only left one.
“You’ve seen everything, haven’t you?”
“… Yes.”
My heart sank slowly as it continued to beat to find its own rhythm. I had always wanted to live without any regrets. However, every choice I made would leave some amount of regret. So, I decided to just do what my mind was telling me to. I didn’t want to think about how I should deal with him in the future.
“I wanted to ask you something. Are you going to answer me?
“… I’ll answer anything you ask. Anything.”
Whether a maid or a staff member was running past us to run an errand, our surroundings remained still as if time had stopped. If I walked a little further, I knew that there was a carriage stop that was bigger and better than the one we just parked at.
I raised my head to stare into his eyes that contained the sky. I took a step forward before stopping so that it did not seem like I was approaching him. But if he changed his mind and tried to harm me, I’d be trapped.
“I’ve asked you before. Are you a cold person?”
“Yes. I remember. And I answered that I wasn’t sure.”
“Then, I’ll ask you something else. Are you a villain?’
He glanced at me.
“A villain… Yes. But I’m not sure”
I calmly endured his gaze. After a moment of silence, Hernan replied. I might have been surprised by what he suddenly said. However, the face of the man who said that he was a villain was beautiful and could pass as one of the angel sculptures in my back garden.
I had always known but whenever the corners of his eyes drooped, it made me feel as if I was harassing someone weak.
“Princess.”
His low husky voice called for me. My heart was beating a little.
“You haven’t answered if your injuries are alright.”
That day, the eyes I saw in the dark of the alley were as cold as a beast.
“… No problem. I’m better than you think.”
But now his sky blue eyes felt like the complete opposite. There seemed to be a burning fire inside them.
“Which one is really you?”
The gaze he was holding me with held a shred of worry. His soft eyes looked anxious.
What did I think of him before? How did I deal with the man who treated me so carefully?
“I must have surprised you. Both are me. They’re not any different.”
The face I was staring at darkened bitterly. Countless thoughts passed my mind which left me a new idea. I encouraged myself to let go of my thoughts and the things that would not work out for me.
“Run away. Hurry!”
However, the memories I had forgotten and now resurfaced were confusing me.
“I want you to smile. That’s all I want…”
The Hernan in the <Light of Rusbella> was my real enemy. The passing times reminded me of something. From now on, should I just think of him as an ambiguous character who was neither black nor white?
No, I wanted to be sure. I did not want to be vague about him anymore.
“Tell me the truth. Is this taboo?”
“No.”
Under the tree that shaded me from the warm spring sun, he smiled with an expression that suited the falling leaves.
“I don’t know how to tell you this…”
I slowly wetted my lips. It did not look like he wanted to speak but he was being forced to.
“The me outside the palace and the me inside the palace, the versions of me that you’re both familiar with are both me. But within the palace, I’m more… able to respect boundaries.”
“Using Castor, my first brother’s powers?”
He didn’t answer me. The smile he had looked very tired. His smile was enough of an answer.
“Yes. I made a pact with Castor. A long time ago, in exchange for granting my wish, I swore allegiance to him.”
A pact? A wish? Were those words mentioned in the <Light of Rusbella>?
“Aren’t you friends with my brother?”
“Well, friends, you say.”
Weren’t they childhood friends? But based on the use of the word ‘pact’ instead of ‘promise’, I could tell that there was no affection between the two.
I decided to pry into him.
“… My maid has been captured by your men. She’s in a building down district 32. A 6-floor insula. A patrol squad will be raiding it this evening. To save the women.”
“Is that so?’
He replied calmly before smiling softly and affectionately.
“How can I help you?’
I narrowed my eyes.
“… If any of your men are templars or particularly skilled, please send them somewhere else in advance.”
“I’ll do just that. I’m also a competent templar so I’ll make up an excuse to not be there and empty the building.”
“Hold on. Seriously… you’re going to help me?’
“Yes. And the people there are not under me. I was the only person in that building under the Crown Prince.”
He gave me a bright smile before confessing indifferently.
“Deros is an excellent assassin so I’ll send him away.”
He spoke innocently like an obedient puppy.
‘Why?’
If he had been a wolf or beast outside the palace, he now looked like a big puppy with a collar around his neck declaring its owner. I wasn’t mistaken.
“Duke.”
“Please call me Hernan.”
I was confused by his reaction which was not what I expected. He was going to abandon his position for me? What about his work?
He was a templar who had the power to break pillars and deal with multiple knights at once. If he was not going to be there tonight, the patrols would be able to break into the building smoothly. I should welcome whatever he said. However…
“Hernandez.”
I reached out to him without realising.
“Ah… h-hold on.”
I raised my head before widening my eyes. This was unbelievable. He was avoiding me? Hernan was?
I glanced at my hand hovering in my air before staring at him. He stepped back to avoid my hand. He had never done that before.
“…. My apologies. If you come too close, that…”
“That?”
As he retreated, I narrowed down my suspicions.
“Stop, uhm, I keep thinking about it… wait…”
He barely managed to mutter as he covered his face with his hand.
“Thinking about it? Thinking about what?”
He looked flustered as if he had just stepped on a landmine and his hands were trembling slightly.
“T-This is strange. I-I’ve never thought of you like this before…”
Finally, after he lowered his hands and muttered something, his expression looked weird as red dyed his whole cheeks and ears making his entire face look like it was burning.
“M-My apologies.”
He quickly turned around and walked away. As I stared at his silhouette disappearing in the distance, I realised that the figure of his I saw a while ago was neither a dream nor a fantasy. Puzzled, I blinked my eyes slowly.
What… did I just see?
He was a man who used to chase after me shamelessly. With a gentle expression and persistent gaze, he was like a priest or nun looking upon the sacred statues of his god.
“Do you love me?”
“No.”
“I don’t dare to wrap my feelings for you as love. I…”
The pitiful expression he always had when he looked at me made him look too innocent to do any sin or know about love.
“Even your hatred feels sweet.”
He had confessed to me and remained by my side. While he asked me to stay by his side, all he wanted felt sad and tragic.
That’s why there were many moments when I mistook him. His gentle gaze that faced me because of a secret I was not aware of as he confessed about his sins when he was younger.
I did not understand. Who was that just now? Who was the man who looked like a large beast that disappeared without a sight of his tail?
For the first time, he disappeared on me as if he was running away. He felt distant for some reason.
Hernan. He met the me who was ‘Ahn’ and denied his feelings for me again and again. His emotions were not love, it could never be.
Telling Ahn how he felt about me, he was happy. In front of me, he longed for me and his expression as he thought of me as air made my heart flutter. Looking at him now, I thought that there could only be one answer.
But I did not know. When I thought about what I did know about love, my heart should have beat faster and the mere thought of him should make me happy. Love made a fool out of people and it wouldn’t make people blindly deny it or blindly believe it.
‘… No.’
I shouldn’t judge him from just a moment. I erased my thoughts and put my judgement on hold.
Anyways, that was what I thought. Could I say that I knew about someone’s feelings for me when I didn’t even know what love was myself?
T/N:
Last double update!
Chapter 160
Translator: yun
“Tonight at 7, we will gather here again to raid this place.”
Soricks said goodbye to me and left to pick up the other troops. Penne fiddled with a marble before whispering something. He seemed to have been communicating with Granius.
It was obvious but there was nothing I could do. Even if I had asked to participate in the raid, they wouldn’t listen to me.
‘I know I’ll only be a burden so I wasn’t planning on asking to join them.’
But a small part of me still wanted to. I wanted to see for myself that Hannah was safe and sound.
“Lord, should we head back?”
But for the sake of everyone else, I should put my greed aside. If I get caught in the middle of a dangerous fight and get hurt or even die, I would waste another day.
Repeating the day once more did not guarantee the day would be the same. I was serious. Someone who smiled on my 23rd regression could become angry on the 24th regression turn. People might be saying the same lines but they would make different facial expressions with different tones.
Anyway, it seemed like this was all I could do.
“Please wait! Prin—I mean, Pipio.”
Penne bolted towards us before whispering to me softly.
“The Aedile is asking for the princess to meet him in his Administrative Office now.”
I gulped.
Granius seemed to have learned that I was here as well.
Our way back felt shorter than our trip here. The carriage we were in parked at a spot not too far from the administrative building. As usual, the Lord decided to wait for me near the carriage.
“Will you be alright? Even if I don’t accompany you.”
“It’ll be fine. I think I’ll just get scolded. What else can I do? It’s only three minutes to the administrative office.”
After our conversation ended, I headed to the administration. I wondered if I had been walking for too long before I raised my head. I spotted an unknown flower with a subtle scent blooming above me.
“Is it an acacia…?”
I had just been suffering from a bad odour just a while ago so I was pleasantly surprised by the warm subtle scent of the flowers. And under the tree filled with white flowers in bloom, there Hernan stood like a dream.
“Princess. … It’s been a long time.”
It looked like he had not been expecting to see me. His expression of confusion and slight anxiety contorted his handsome face.
We stared at each other with only three steps between us. His blue eyes seemed to tremble a little before he averted his gaze and stared into the air. He still looked a little confused.
“You’re right. It has been a while.”
This man. I thought he would approach me first as soon as I returned to the Imperial Palace. But actually, I wasn’t sure if he would.
“In the meantime… how have you been?”
If I just walked a little further, I would reach the Administrative Building. But I would not be able to do so if he continued to get in my way.
As he walked over, his strange gait stood out which was why I hesitated.
“That day… May I ask how badly you were injured?”
Hernan spoke. It sounded like he tried to speak as smoothly and casually as possible but the words at the end of his sentence sounded slightly shaky. It felt strange and unfamiliar.
“Don’t come near me.”
He stopped.
“I wasn’t… particularly hurt.”
Since he kept pausing his approach, his outstretched hand did not reach me and remained hovering in the air.
Should I turn around and escape?
Let’s say I escape now. What next?
It felt like my mind had been bleached white. What’s wrong with me? This was so unnecessary. I knew I was going to see him again. What had I decided to do then?
“Hernan.”
I called for him. I erased most of my thoughts which only left one.
“You’ve seen everything, haven’t you?”
“… Yes.”
My heart sank slowly as it continued to beat to find its own rhythm. I had always wanted to live without any regrets. However, every choice I made would leave some amount of regret. So, I decided to just do what my mind was telling me to. I didn’t want to think about how I should deal with him in the future.
“I wanted to ask you something. Are you going to answer me?
“… I’ll answer anything you ask. Anything.”
Whether a maid or a staff member was running past us to run an errand, our surroundings remained still as if time had stopped. If I walked a little further, I knew that there was a carriage stop that was bigger and better than the one we just parked at.
I raised my head to stare into his eyes that contained the sky. I took a step forward before stopping so that it did not seem like I was approaching him. But if he changed his mind and tried to harm me, I’d be trapped.
“I’ve asked you before. Are you a cold person?”
“Yes. I remember. And I answered that I wasn’t sure.”
“Then, I’ll ask you something else. Are you a villain?’
He glanced at me.
“A villain… Yes. But I’m not sure”
I calmly endured his gaze. After a moment of silence, Hernan replied. I might have been surprised by what he suddenly said. However, the face of the man who said that he was a villain was beautiful and could pass as one of the angel sculptures in my back garden.
I had always known but whenever the corners of his eyes drooped, it made me feel as if I was harassing someone weak.
“Princess.”
His low husky voice called for me. My heart was beating a little.
“You haven’t answered if your injuries are alright.”
That day, the eyes I saw in the dark of the alley were as cold as a beast.
“… No problem. I’m better than you think.”
But now his sky blue eyes felt like the complete opposite. There seemed to be a burning fire inside them.
“Which one is really you?”
The gaze he was holding me with held a shred of worry. His soft eyes looked anxious.
What did I think of him before? How did I deal with the man who treated me so carefully?
“I must have surprised you. Both are me. They’re not any different.”
The face I was staring at darkened bitterly. Countless thoughts passed my mind which left me a new idea. I encouraged myself to let go of my thoughts and the things that would not work out for me.
“Run away. Hurry!”
However, the memories I had forgotten and now resurfaced were confusing me.
“I want you to smile. That’s all I want…”
The Hernan in the <Light of Rusbella> was my real enemy. The passing times reminded me of something. From now on, should I just think of him as an ambiguous character who was neither black nor white?
No, I wanted to be sure. I did not want to be vague about him anymore.
“Tell me the truth. Is this taboo?”
“No.”
Under the tree that shaded me from the warm spring sun, he smiled with an expression that suited the falling leaves.
“I don’t know how to tell you this…”
I slowly wetted my lips. It did not look like he wanted to speak but he was being forced to.
“The me outside the palace and the me inside the palace, the versions of me that you’re both familiar with are both me. But within the palace, I’m more… able to respect boundaries.”
“Using Castor, my first brother’s powers?”
He didn’t answer me. The smile he had looked very tired. His smile was enough of an answer.
“Yes. I made a pact with Castor. A long time ago, in exchange for granting my wish, I swore allegiance to him.”
A pact? A wish? Were those words mentioned in the <Light of Rusbella>?
“Aren’t you friends with my brother?”
“Well, friends, you say.”
Weren’t they childhood friends? But based on the use of the word ‘pact’ instead of ‘promise’, I could tell that there was no affection between the two.
I decided to pry into him.
“… My maid has been captured by your men. She’s in a building down district 32. A 6-floor insula. A patrol squad will be raiding it this evening. To save the women.”
“Is that so?’
He replied calmly before smiling softly and affectionately.
“How can I help you?’
I narrowed my eyes.
“… If any of your men are templars or particularly skilled, please send them somewhere else in advance.”
“I’ll do just that. I’m also a competent templar so I’ll make up an excuse to not be there and empty the building.”
“Hold on. Seriously… you’re going to help me?’
“Yes. And the people there are not under me. I was the only person in that building under the Crown Prince.”
He gave me a bright smile before confessing indifferently.
“Deros is an excellent assassin so I’ll send him away.”
He spoke innocently like an obedient puppy.
‘Why?’
If he had been a wolf or beast outside the palace, he now looked like a big puppy with a collar around his neck declaring its owner. I wasn’t mistaken.
“Duke.”
“Please call me Hernan.”
I was confused by his reaction which was not what I expected. He was going to abandon his position for me? What about his work?
He was a templar who had the power to break pillars and deal with multiple knights at once. If he was not going to be there tonight, the patrols would be able to break into the building smoothly. I should welcome whatever he said. However…
“Hernandez.”
I reached out to him without realising.
“Ah… h-hold on.”
I raised my head before widening my eyes. This was unbelievable. He was avoiding me? Hernan was?
I glanced at my hand hovering in my air before staring at him. He stepped back to avoid my hand. He had never done that before.
“…. My apologies. If you come too close, that…”
“That?”
As he retreated, I narrowed down my suspicions.
“Stop, uhm, I keep thinking about it… wait…”
He barely managed to mutter as he covered his face with his hand.
“Thinking about it? Thinking about what?”
He looked flustered as if he had just stepped on a landmine and his hands were trembling slightly.
“T-This is strange. I-I’ve never thought of you like this before…”
Finally, after he lowered his hands and muttered something, his expression looked weird as red dyed his whole cheeks and ears making his entire face look like it was burning.
“M-My apologies.”
He quickly turned around and walked away. As I stared at his silhouette disappearing in the distance, I realised that the figure of his I saw a while ago was neither a dream nor a fantasy. Puzzled, I blinked my eyes slowly.
What… did I just see?
He was a man who used to chase after me shamelessly. With a gentle expression and persistent gaze, he was like a priest or nun looking upon the sacred statues of his god.
“Do you love me?”
“No.”
“I don’t dare to wrap my feelings for you as love. I…”
The pitiful expression he always had when he looked at me made him look too innocent to do any sin or know about love.
“Even your hatred feels sweet.”
He had confessed to me and remained by my side. While he asked me to stay by his side, all he wanted felt sad and tragic.
That’s why there were many moments when I mistook him. His gentle gaze that faced me because of a secret I was not aware of as he confessed about his sins when he was younger.
I did not understand. Who was that just now? Who was the man who looked like a large beast that disappeared without a sight of his tail?
For the first time, he disappeared on me as if he was running away. He felt distant for some reason.
Hernan. He met the me who was ‘Ahn’ and denied his feelings for me again and again. His emotions were not love, it could never be.
Telling Ahn how he felt about me, he was happy. In front of me, he longed for me and his expression as he thought of me as air made my heart flutter. Looking at him now, I thought that there could only be one answer.
But I did not know. When I thought about what I did know about love, my heart should have beat faster and the mere thought of him should make me happy. Love made a fool out of people and it wouldn’t make people blindly deny it or blindly believe it.
‘… No.’
I shouldn’t judge him from just a moment. I erased my thoughts and put my judgement on hold.
Anyways, that was what I thought. Could I say that I knew about someone’s feelings for me when I didn’t even know what love was myself?
T/N:
Last double update!
