Chapter 222
Translator: yun
It was then I felt a strange sensation in my hand. Only at that moment did I sense that something was amiss. Ahasia remained motionless.
“… Are you not coming with me?”
I was still holding her hand. That was how I could feel, tremble, her gentle tremors. And her tremors were only growing in intensity.
“Princess.”
“Yes.”
Just then.
Creak.
The door opened with a loud creak. An intruder? But perhaps it was the wind’s doing since there was no one standing at the door.
“You…”
The door that swung open with the creak of its hinges revealed a pitch black darkness that boasted the same colour as the door. But it was enough to fuel my anxiety.
“You have helped me.”
Goosebumps suddenly rose on my skin because of Ahasia’s murmur behind my back. It was just a hunch but something was telling me it was better to not look back. Dread I would only feel watching horror movies crept up on me.
“… That’s why… I… you… for the princess…”
Ahasia’s hands were not the only thing that was shaking. Her voice was also shaking uncontrollably. I didn’t have to turn around to know how deadly pale her face must be.
“Y-You…”
Ahasia’s voice sounded very muffled but it was evidently shaking.
“Princess, I…”
“Have you met the Crown Prince?”
I asked without turning around. Just then, her breath hitched. Then, a sob followed. I had a hunch. So, she met Castor. Just like what was prophesied, he had told Ahasia to kill me. Castor must have known of her situation and proposed a deal that sounded a lot like a threat over her country. How could I have stopped him? I had prevented him from spying on me but I couldn’t stop him from doing whatever he wanted to.
“I-If I end up doing what he told me to… I’m sorry.”
Turning my head around slowly, I met a face filled with tears. Her green eyes looked wrecked. The voice that left me sounded softer than what I had expected.
“This sword.”
I spoke slowly.
“Was this what he instructed you to kill me with?”
Her gaze lowered. And so did mine. At that very moment, we were both fixated on the same thing. My bare hand that was grabbing the blade. Fresh blood had started dripping down from my hand. Drip drop. Drops of my blood fell from my fingertips one after the other like raindrops.
“Didn’t I say that I would help you and your country even if I had to put my neck on the line?”
Gritting my teeth, I grabbed the sword tightly. Was anger what was blooming in my heart? Sorrow? The sense of betrayal? I could feel a slight twinge of pain in my hand.
“Why? Why do you want to kill me? No, why haven’t you stabbed me yet?”
For a moment, a dizzying rage had taken over me. I had done numerous generous favours for her. But the one who still waited for me with a sword was Ahasia. Even today, despite everyone telling me not to, I came out to meet her because I was confident I could change her mind.
But would the future ever change? The original future was… No, just think about it. I had already changed the future a lot. I managed to turn things around with this weak body.
“… I came here to help you.”
Ahasia remained silent.
Even though she had yet to say who ‘he’ was and what he had told her to do, I already knew. This was the future I had known.
“You have lost 11 brothers to the battle for the throne and you were driven here because of them. The Empire must not have been kind to foreigners who appear along their borders alone. But who still reached out to you?”
“… Princess…”
“But after all that I’ve done for you, you’re going to kill me?”
Unlike the intense fire burning in my heart, I was speaking calmly. I wondered what expression I had on my face now.
“Ahasia. Do you think everything would change if you marry Castor?”
Her pupils shook violently. Within a short moment, memories of the past flowed into my mind. Staring at her, I thought of the long journey she must have taken to get here.
“Why did you risk your life to come here?”
The princess who had been sheltered her whole life, travelled across the desert for her country. She had lost her beloved lady-in-waiting and her warriors who had been ready to die for her to reach the Empire alone. I could not imagine what she had endured and went through during the journey.
“To cross the desert without any preparations would be the same as death. Only three out of ten people survive the journey.”
Unfortunately, she had risked her life to cross the desert just to offer herself as a prize. I did not know why I was feeling so angry. Why did she look so familiar? I also wondered who the figure who kept overlapping with her image was. Why did I not feel foreign with her struggles and why did I try to help her? I couldn’t seem to find the answer.
“My men and my brothers keep telling me that I was making a mistake doing this today. They thought I was being foolish for meeting you. They told me that the desert kingdom, the place where all your brothers died, leaving only you and your father, would be desperate. That was why no one could predict how you would accept my proposal. But– “
“…..”
“I trusted you.”
My anger did not last long. For the faint sounds from the fights brought me back to reality. Even at this moment, there were people fighting. I thought about the future calmly in the back of my mind. In any case, if she chose not to follow me or to stab me as what had been predicted, I thought about the worst case scenario. Then, should I try persuading her? I had only been given five minutes.
“It’s up to you to choose who you want to help you.”
Should I leave her here like this?
“It’s up to you whether you want to kill a good person who had helped you get what you wanted, isn’t it?”
She was gasping for breath Her gasps, which made her sound as if she were drowning, filled the otherwise quiet room
“… You’re right. Your brother promised me.”
She spat out her words as if she was being chased. With her weeping face, she spoke unusually seriously and urgently. I asked her slowly.
“Did you have to do this?”
“What he promised me was too tantalising. That’s why.”
She stared at the blade with her tear-soaked gaze.
“I have no choice but to raise my sword.”
Ever since I read that she was going to stab me, I had been curious. For what reason did she kill an unarmed princess whom she had never met before and return to the Crown Prince’s side afterward? For a woman who did not love him, what spurred her to do this?
“I believed him. The Crown Prince told me that you are a powerless princess. You will probably be of no help to my kingdom. Just as he said, my hands were full. My country can fall any time now but I cannot abandon it. My father. My attendants. My proud warriors, the people… the desert holds all the people I love and I cannot give up on it.”
She opened her mouth, as if she had something more to say, but she bit her lips instead. Seconds later, she continued.
“I had no choice. I had to live.”
Just then, the sense of deja vu that passed me by made me realise why this sight was not unfamiliar to me.
“The moment I die, everything ends.”
When I looked up, I saw Ahasia, who was a little taller than me, looking down on me.
“I had to survive and somehow continue living.”
As soon as she spoke, something crashed into me, dousing me with as much water as a tsunami could bring. Neither frowning or smiling, I stared at her.
“I see.”
I let out a small laugh.
“I see now, Ahasia.”
The reason why I couldn’t turn away from her. Rebecca had asked me why I was helping her. And I didn’t know how to respond as to why I keep being drawn to her or why I keep helping her.
It wasn’t just because she was a character in the original novel. Taking care of myself was already so much of a hassle. Also, even if she was written in my diary’s prophecy to be the murderer who would kill me, I only had to take care of myself. But unlike her, I had a lot of people surrounding me which was why I could.
“You’re just like me.”
But now I understood. I knew why I couldn’t pretend not to know the reason behind this attraction and why my eyes would look out for her even though helping her would not benefit me in any way.
“Why are you being so reckless?”
“I’m trying to save you brother, don’t die.”
Ahasia, who had risked her life to cross the desert to save so many people, reminded of myself who had gone through countless number of hours to save Amor. Our fates were similar.
“… You’re too reckless! What do you get out of doing this? Nothing!”
We easily sacrifice ourselves to protect others. Though it might seem like we would just stand on the sidelines, we were willing to jump into fire ourselves because that was the most we could do.
“My heart aches when I see you, Ashley.”
It was only then did I realise how the people around me looked at me. They must have been so anxious. They must have been looking at me with pity and sympathy. I had not known. My wounds were too painful and I hadn’t want to think about how I affected them. My emotions had piled up within me as a result of repeating death but I turned away from it all because I didn’t want to feel any of them.
“Ahasia, the happiness you gain as a result of someone’s threats will never make you happy.”
I had wondered why they looked at me like that. It must have been because I didn’t want to know everything. Because the pain would have been too much. I could tell from Ahasia’s gaze that she didn’t want to give up even if she had to abandon everything else. I was sure she knew it too. Killing me now would only be a temporary measure. But she had no choice either.
“I know. Even if I kill you, my country cannot be saved.”
As she spoke, she grabbed something around her chest.
“Even the ‘necklace’ I’m wearing is temporary.”
A desert country with no prince left was set for ruin. Only the king and his princess remained.
“But I cannot give up.”
Tears ran down Ahasia’s cheeks.
“But this is all I can do, brother. Because I don’t know how else to do it.”
When I recalled the day when I had died countless times a long time ago, had I been prepared to die from the beginning? No, the meaning behind death and dying had changed for me from some point. It had been bound to change. I had died over and over again in order to reach the future. Still, I couldn’t stop the regressions and kept dying all by myself.
Because that would mean I would be letting someone else die. That was why Ahasia reminded me of myself.
“If all the princes in your kingdom have died, why don’t you just take the throne for yourself?”
This poor thing was trying to stab me because of Castor’s snake-like tongue. But it wasn’t as if she knew I wouldn’t try to escape her.
“T-That…”
She couldn’t stab me. She had created this darkness to prepare to stab me but all she had done so far was tremble. There was no strength behind her blade. It was the moment I grabbed the blade with my hand.
“Did you think it was impossible?”
She could kill me. However, she had yet to. Everything that I had done that led to a change in the future had started with something small.
“Then, don’t you think a princess from a kingdom set for ruin getting engaged to the Crown Prince from the Empire is also a pipe dream?”
She licked her lips.
“I promise you. I will bring you the future you desire.”
I lifted the sword I was grabbing with my hand. My blood was beginning to harden as it took on a dark red colour. I recalled the pain and suffering I had gone through a countless number of times before this hand began to hurt.
“The future is meaningless if you don’t hold it yourself.”
Chapter 222
Translator: yun
It was then I felt a strange sensation in my hand. Only at that moment did I sense that something was amiss. Ahasia remained motionless.
“… Are you not coming with me?”
I was still holding her hand. That was how I could feel, tremble, her gentle tremors. And her tremors were only growing in intensity.
“Princess.”
“Yes.”
Just then.
Creak.
The door opened with a loud creak. An intruder? But perhaps it was the wind’s doing since there was no one standing at the door.
“You…”
The door that swung open with the creak of its hinges revealed a pitch black darkness that boasted the same colour as the door. But it was enough to fuel my anxiety.
“You have helped me.”
Goosebumps suddenly rose on my skin because of Ahasia’s murmur behind my back. It was just a hunch but something was telling me it was better to not look back. Dread I would only feel watching horror movies crept up on me.
“… That’s why… I… you… for the princess…”
Ahasia’s hands were not the only thing that was shaking. Her voice was also shaking uncontrollably. I didn’t have to turn around to know how deadly pale her face must be.
“Y-You…”
Ahasia’s voice sounded very muffled but it was evidently shaking.
“Princess, I…”
“Have you met the Crown Prince?”
I asked without turning around. Just then, her breath hitched. Then, a sob followed. I had a hunch. So, she met Castor. Just like what was prophesied, he had told Ahasia to kill me. Castor must have known of her situation and proposed a deal that sounded a lot like a threat over her country. How could I have stopped him? I had prevented him from spying on me but I couldn’t stop him from doing whatever he wanted to.
“I-If I end up doing what he told me to… I’m sorry.”
Turning my head around slowly, I met a face filled with tears. Her green eyes looked wrecked. The voice that left me sounded softer than what I had expected.
“This sword.”
I spoke slowly.
“Was this what he instructed you to kill me with?”
Her gaze lowered. And so did mine. At that very moment, we were both fixated on the same thing. My bare hand that was grabbing the blade. Fresh blood had started dripping down from my hand. Drip drop. Drops of my blood fell from my fingertips one after the other like raindrops.
“Didn’t I say that I would help you and your country even if I had to put my neck on the line?”
Gritting my teeth, I grabbed the sword tightly. Was anger what was blooming in my heart? Sorrow? The sense of betrayal? I could feel a slight twinge of pain in my hand.
“Why? Why do you want to kill me? No, why haven’t you stabbed me yet?”
For a moment, a dizzying rage had taken over me. I had done numerous generous favours for her. But the one who still waited for me with a sword was Ahasia. Even today, despite everyone telling me not to, I came out to meet her because I was confident I could change her mind.
But would the future ever change? The original future was… No, just think about it. I had already changed the future a lot. I managed to turn things around with this weak body.
“… I came here to help you.”
Ahasia remained silent.
Even though she had yet to say who ‘he’ was and what he had told her to do, I already knew. This was the future I had known.
“You have lost 11 brothers to the battle for the throne and you were driven here because of them. The Empire must not have been kind to foreigners who appear along their borders alone. But who still reached out to you?”
“… Princess…”
“But after all that I’ve done for you, you’re going to kill me?”
Unlike the intense fire burning in my heart, I was speaking calmly. I wondered what expression I had on my face now.
“Ahasia. Do you think everything would change if you marry Castor?”
Her pupils shook violently. Within a short moment, memories of the past flowed into my mind. Staring at her, I thought of the long journey she must have taken to get here.
“Why did you risk your life to come here?”
The princess who had been sheltered her whole life, travelled across the desert for her country. She had lost her beloved lady-in-waiting and her warriors who had been ready to die for her to reach the Empire alone. I could not imagine what she had endured and went through during the journey.
“To cross the desert without any preparations would be the same as death. Only three out of ten people survive the journey.”
Unfortunately, she had risked her life to cross the desert just to offer herself as a prize. I did not know why I was feeling so angry. Why did she look so familiar? I also wondered who the figure who kept overlapping with her image was. Why did I not feel foreign with her struggles and why did I try to help her? I couldn’t seem to find the answer.
“My men and my brothers keep telling me that I was making a mistake doing this today. They thought I was being foolish for meeting you. They told me that the desert kingdom, the place where all your brothers died, leaving only you and your father, would be desperate. That was why no one could predict how you would accept my proposal. But– “
“…..”
“I trusted you.”
My anger did not last long. For the faint sounds from the fights brought me back to reality. Even at this moment, there were people fighting. I thought about the future calmly in the back of my mind. In any case, if she chose not to follow me or to stab me as what had been predicted, I thought about the worst case scenario. Then, should I try persuading her? I had only been given five minutes.
“It’s up to you to choose who you want to help you.”
Should I leave her here like this?
“It’s up to you whether you want to kill a good person who had helped you get what you wanted, isn’t it?”
She was gasping for breath Her gasps, which made her sound as if she were drowning, filled the otherwise quiet room
“… You’re right. Your brother promised me.”
She spat out her words as if she was being chased. With her weeping face, she spoke unusually seriously and urgently. I asked her slowly.
“Did you have to do this?”
“What he promised me was too tantalising. That’s why.”
She stared at the blade with her tear-soaked gaze.
“I have no choice but to raise my sword.”
Ever since I read that she was going to stab me, I had been curious. For what reason did she kill an unarmed princess whom she had never met before and return to the Crown Prince’s side afterward? For a woman who did not love him, what spurred her to do this?
“I believed him. The Crown Prince told me that you are a powerless princess. You will probably be of no help to my kingdom. Just as he said, my hands were full. My country can fall any time now but I cannot abandon it. My father. My attendants. My proud warriors, the people… the desert holds all the people I love and I cannot give up on it.”
She opened her mouth, as if she had something more to say, but she bit her lips instead. Seconds later, she continued.
“I had no choice. I had to live.”
Just then, the sense of deja vu that passed me by made me realise why this sight was not unfamiliar to me.
“The moment I die, everything ends.”
When I looked up, I saw Ahasia, who was a little taller than me, looking down on me.
“I had to survive and somehow continue living.”
As soon as she spoke, something crashed into me, dousing me with as much water as a tsunami could bring. Neither frowning or smiling, I stared at her.
“I see.”
I let out a small laugh.
“I see now, Ahasia.”
The reason why I couldn’t turn away from her. Rebecca had asked me why I was helping her. And I didn’t know how to respond as to why I keep being drawn to her or why I keep helping her.
It wasn’t just because she was a character in the original novel. Taking care of myself was already so much of a hassle. Also, even if she was written in my diary’s prophecy to be the murderer who would kill me, I only had to take care of myself. But unlike her, I had a lot of people surrounding me which was why I could.
“You’re just like me.”
But now I understood. I knew why I couldn’t pretend not to know the reason behind this attraction and why my eyes would look out for her even though helping her would not benefit me in any way.
“Why are you being so reckless?”
“I’m trying to save you brother, don’t die.”
Ahasia, who had risked her life to cross the desert to save so many people, reminded of myself who had gone through countless number of hours to save Amor. Our fates were similar.
“… You’re too reckless! What do you get out of doing this? Nothing!”
We easily sacrifice ourselves to protect others. Though it might seem like we would just stand on the sidelines, we were willing to jump into fire ourselves because that was the most we could do.
“My heart aches when I see you, Ashley.”
It was only then did I realise how the people around me looked at me. They must have been so anxious. They must have been looking at me with pity and sympathy. I had not known. My wounds were too painful and I hadn’t want to think about how I affected them. My emotions had piled up within me as a result of repeating death but I turned away from it all because I didn’t want to feel any of them.
“Ahasia, the happiness you gain as a result of someone’s threats will never make you happy.”
I had wondered why they looked at me like that. It must have been because I didn’t want to know everything. Because the pain would have been too much. I could tell from Ahasia’s gaze that she didn’t want to give up even if she had to abandon everything else. I was sure she knew it too. Killing me now would only be a temporary measure. But she had no choice either.
“I know. Even if I kill you, my country cannot be saved.”
As she spoke, she grabbed something around her chest.
“Even the ‘necklace’ I’m wearing is temporary.”
A desert country with no prince left was set for ruin. Only the king and his princess remained.
“But I cannot give up.”
Tears ran down Ahasia’s cheeks.
“But this is all I can do, brother. Because I don’t know how else to do it.”
When I recalled the day when I had died countless times a long time ago, had I been prepared to die from the beginning? No, the meaning behind death and dying had changed for me from some point. It had been bound to change. I had died over and over again in order to reach the future. Still, I couldn’t stop the regressions and kept dying all by myself.
Because that would mean I would be letting someone else die. That was why Ahasia reminded me of myself.
“If all the princes in your kingdom have died, why don’t you just take the throne for yourself?”
This poor thing was trying to stab me because of Castor’s snake-like tongue. But it wasn’t as if she knew I wouldn’t try to escape her.
“T-That…”
She couldn’t stab me. She had created this darkness to prepare to stab me but all she had done so far was tremble. There was no strength behind her blade. It was the moment I grabbed the blade with my hand.
“Did you think it was impossible?”
She could kill me. However, she had yet to. Everything that I had done that led to a change in the future had started with something small.
“Then, don’t you think a princess from a kingdom set for ruin getting engaged to the Crown Prince from the Empire is also a pipe dream?”
She licked her lips.
“I promise you. I will bring you the future you desire.”
I lifted the sword I was grabbing with my hand. My blood was beginning to harden as it took on a dark red colour. I recalled the pain and suffering I had gone through a countless number of times before this hand began to hurt.
“The future is meaningless if you don’t hold it yourself.”
