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Published at 10th of February 2023 05:57:40 AM


Chapter 194: 190 やる覚悟とやらせない覚悟、それが必要になる立場もある

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The supervisor told me that the first thing I did was not to contact Minami and Masaru, but to head to the party room to discuss whether or not to do so.

Once I entered the unlocked room with a clatter, it was quieter than I thought it would be, and I wondered if they might not be there? And made me think.

"? It was unlocked. ......

I was going to say that the door was unlocked, but I didn't finish.

It's all of a sudden! Hey!

"Senpai! I've been waiting for you! I've been waiting for a day with the feeling of a thousand years!

"Eeeeee! Don't hug me, I'm hot! What's in the air?

"I don't know! Kitamiya has been quietly playing with her phone ever since she came into the room, and even when you talk to her, what? All I was able to do was make a cup of coffee, do some research with you, and then I thought it would be good to eat something to cheer you up, so I went out to get something to eat.

No, I've been doing a lot of that. You.

Perhaps Kitamiya herself didn't mean to be grumpy .

If you glance at Kitamiya, who is sitting on the living room sofa with Kaido on her hip, you can see that she was remorseful for her failure to see Kaido's outburst of excitement.

I'm sure you'll be able to find out what's going on in the world.

It was more of an adult's response than a member of society.

I'm sorry. I was a little annoyed.

No, that's okay, because I know you're worried about Amelia, too.

It was a downcast look, but Kitamiya firmly bowed to Kaido and apologized.

Kaido, sensing her feelings, accepted the apology, waving his hands in front of his face from side to side, saying it was fine.

Now that the air in the room has improved, let's get to the point, if not the usual, that it's time to cut to the chase.

I sat down at the work desk with the three of us and told them what the supervisor had told me and where Amelia was going.

...... amy

To be frank, that's pretty bad.

The content of the story, which does not have a single good thing to say, will make them both look bad.

If you leave it alone, I'm sure you'll get into trouble.

And when I can't give a lousy word of comfort here, I honestly say what will happen in the future, and with a clatter Kitamiya gets up from his seat.

"! We have to hurry up and help.

Calm down, we need to hurry, I'm sure, but you're not the only one going unprepared. It will cost Amelia her life too.

"Huh.

The current situation is bad by all accounts.

I understand your reluctance to waste time, but that's why you need to prepare carefully and stop Kitamiya with a strong gaze.

We can choose to stay calm.

But it's clear from the current look at Kitamiya that we won't make that choice.

That is why we must not neglect to reduce the uncertainty if we are to make a move.

When you have an important matter in front of you, you have to be cautious.

I told you last time that you should think before you choose. I'm not going to back down from that statement. But I understand that you guys want to help Amelia, even if you're caught up in a moment of emotion.

To intervene in this war is to cross a line that will change the values of life.

It's not a game, it's not a training exercise, it's a real killing field.

The feeling of wondering whether it was right to let them jump into it is the reason why I forced Kitamiya and the others to make a choice.

"I'm not asking you not to follow me, but I'm not going to take you with me with half-hearted determination either.

I'm not going to ask for your help right now because things have changed.

To say it, I'd be taking away their options.

I'll get Suera to help me get ready to go out there. The only people confirmed to go over there now are me and probably Himiku. I'm sorry, but like Kitamiya said, we're running out of time. But we'll have some time. Contact Minami and Masaru and decide immediately whether or not you want to come with us.

To give you a little time to think, the preparations will be done with the help of Suela, Memoria, and Himik.

Himik will be the main fighter there.

Suela is pregnant and I don't want Memoria to go with her because I want her to be supported.

The warden has given me permission to provide equipment if we're going to the battlefield.

Every minute is ticking by, and time is passing.

We need to move before anything happens in the meantime.

We have to do what we can, and we have to be ready.

I have to!

But there is a question that must be asked.

"Kitamiya, don't let your emotions get in the way. The situation is more serious than you think.

You stop Kitamiya from getting up from his seat and immediately announcing his participation.

No matter how you look at it, this is not a calm, emotional action.

There's no intelligent judgment there.

There's no such thing as opportunism to save Amelia and not hurt others. The resolve I've been asking you about is the resolve to kill the other man. I'm asking if you are prepared to kill to survive.

There will be no doubt that the single-minded desire to help Amelia is unclouded.

There is a point where the emotions are wild, there is no doubt about that.

But I'm not sure if Kitamiya and Kaido will be able to remain sane by letting those emotions drive them to help and killing a creature that is not human, but has feelings and intelligence.

In addition .

"I'm prepared to get my hands dirty with blood. I did it to save Amelia. I chose to do it myself.

From here on out, you have to throw away good intentions in some cases, and the chances of that happening are slim to none.

I have actually cut a man down.

I was too busy to feel that emotion right then and there, but after it passed, it came at me.

The feeling of cutting something lingered in my hand after it was over, and guilt and the question of why I did it filled my mind.

It took me some time to bear and swallow the fact that I had done it, but in that moment, I had definitely crossed the line.

That feeling is waiting for Kitamiya and the others.

It's better not to experience that feeling if you can, but I think it's necessary if I'm going to continue to stay at this company.

That's why Amelia adds at the end, don't be misled by the fact that you have to help, and looks at Kitamiya, who doesn't turn her face away but shows her hesitation.

Kaido is naturally keeping his mouth shut and watching the proceedings.

Aside from that, you exchange glances with Kitamiya.

Its eyes are blazing with emotion, but from my point of view they look unstable.

It's not wrong to help Amelia, but I don't want you to use that as an excuse.

If you use it as an excuse to go out into the field, you will have nothing but regret.

If we use it as an excuse, then even if we could save Amelia, we'll both feel guilty.

It's good to work for someone. But on the other hand, there is more responsibility than usual. After all, you have to take responsibility for your actions, not only for your own, but for others as well.

If you choose, the responsibility comes to you.

I, not Amelia, bear the blame for killing my opponent.

As I choose my words, I open my mouth, hoping to make it sound that way, so that I can help them decide.

"But you know, taking on someone else's responsibility is no small thing. If I cut down an enemy to save Amelia. Then Amelia would say she didn't want me to go to such lengths to save her. Then my actions would have been in vain.

For nothing.

It's going to be.

My actions are radical, but in peacetime, but in the space of the battlefield, it would be understood that I helped you.

You interrupt Kitamiya, who wants to say that my explanation is not useless, and continue.

What's required and what I'm trying to do don't always match. That's human emotion. Can you accept Amelia's feelings? Can you tell Amelia not to care if she denies the consequences of her hard work and blood-soaked help, because this is something she did on her own?

I can say.

No, I have to tell you.

When you said you were going to help me, it was because you were prepared to help me.

I know what it's like to come to someone's rescue and resent being denied.

But I also think it's wrong to expect everything to be okay before you do it.

Of course, I'll do my best.

I'll do my best to kill as few enemies as possible.

That's why we need to gather our forces as much as possible.

If I can't do that, I won't say a bad word. Just let me do it this time.

What, do you think I'm not strong enough?

I'm imposing on you. I'm weighing up the regret of not going to help you or the regret of helping you and being denied, which is better and you guys won't get hurt.

But it's not just a matter of gathering that strength either.

As I have said many times, this is the battlefield we are going to.

It's no exaggeration to say that this is the end of the extraordinary.

...... I know you know. I know I don't have a choice. Is it wrong that I'm letting the momentum take me?

"Yeah, I'm sorry, but a momentary gap can be fatal.

In the space of the battlefield, what is fatal is stagnation.

Even if Amelia denies it, you must not take her along, no matter what her situation, unless you are prepared to accept it, to put off the act of swallowing and prioritize the achievement of your goal.

Cry, anger, depression.

This is possible because we are alive.

At some point you stop thinking and get stuck.

And that would be like giving up your head to the scythe of the grim reaper on the battlefield.

It's something we should definitely avoid.

I harshly shunned Kitamiya, who was wavering with half-hearted emotions, and slowly stood up.

"I'm sorry I only have a little time for you.

...... Okay, it's not coming out today, is it?

"Yeah, at least we should be okay today.

Then I'm going home. Just make sure you call me when you leave and let me see you off if you don't go.

Okay, take your time. And Kaido, I'm sorry, but I need you two to get in touch with them. If you can, have them come.

"Ussu ...... seniors

"Ah?

"You'd better not push yourself too hard, you know?

"Dumbass, you don't have to worry about being weak because there's someone you can let out. You should think about it.

"Oops.

What I want now is not strength, but the strength of mind.

I don't know if I'll be able to formulate my thoughts in a short amount of time, but after saying a quick hello to Kitamiya, who was getting ready to leave, I quietly left the party room and headed for Suela's side.

Word of the Day

I guess sometimes you have to say don't do it, but it's hard to let go of those words.




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