All Cultural Assets Are Like That!
A barbecue party was held for one hour to strengthen everyone’s friendship. Judging that I had been resting for too long, I dismissed all of them. There was a ridiculous protest that the party had just started now, but when the hero and his party played hard, who would protect the fantasy world? I had to work diligently to return to Earth as soon as possible.
Thirty-three years. I had been here too long.
“Thief E. Where is the Relic of Chaos?”
“This way.”
We walked leisurely across the palace without a guard. There were many cases where the Earth’s crime prevention system had a big failure after blindly trusting the surveillance cameras. The Elf King was making the same mistake. The royal palace, which relied on spirits for security, was no obstacle for me. What’s more, when the First Spirit, the head of all spirits, came forward, it was like leaving the safe wide open.
Not only that. The spirits who pretended to be innocent began to loot in earnest. They transformed from security guards to armed robbers! The spirits had no understanding of the art and metals that elves and humans had determined to be valuable. Still, they stole anything they could because they thought it would be fun, following the instructions given by the First Spirit.
“That’s incredible.”
When I saw that scene, all I could do was laugh. A normal predator would have taken the expensive things first. However, the spirits, not knowing what was precious, picked up anything that stood out. There was no clear purpose of stealing them to become rich; they only thought it would be fun.
That was all.
“Huh?! Who’s wearing my shoes-no?! My pants are also not here?!”
The spirits laughed cheerfully as they watched the Elf King engulfed in confusion. Even though his people were dying in a war, the Elf King, who was sleepy, wandered around looking for the missing objects. Of course, he didn’t go looking for it himself. He ordered the spirits.
However…
“Ugh?! Why is my affinity for spirits so low?!”
Now that the First Spirit was released, all the spirits were affected by her in some way. This was because the First Spirit’s attribute was ‘spirit’. It didn’t matter how great the Elf King’s previous affinity was. If the First Spirit was unfavorable toward him, it was over. Even steadfast friendships could turn hostile as if flipping a coin.
As I followed Thief E, who led the way to where the Relic of Chaos was, I questioned the First Spirit.
“Madam. Can you remove the spirits that are attached to my body?”
“I’m not an old lady! Don’t call me madam. Call me by my name.”
“Your name?”
“I was called it throughout the barbecue party. You should have…”
“Madam.”
“…Just give them a break. Huh! I can remove them by ordering them around, but isn’t that too harsh? It’s like forcing an office worker who has become a slave to money and class to quit drinking and smoking.”
“Indeed….”
I used to hear that my body smelled good. That seemed to be valid even now that I became a spirit. However, I didn’t expect a righteous hero would be classified as a drug. Elf B, who followed like a shadow behind us, remained silent. Her eyebrows trembled every time the spirits, running around the palace like a playground, ruined expensive pottery or paintings. Still, she was faithfully complying with the demand to become a slave.
“Here it is.”
Guided by Thief E, these junky fellows and I were soon able to reach our destination. As expected, it was a treasure trove. It was a completely enclosed space, both physically and magically, so that even the spirits couldn’t invade at will. However…
Rustling!
Even the iron gate of such a hard treasure trove was useless in front of the Holy Sword Nucleon’s blade.
Thud!
The thick iron gate fell, revealing the inside of the treasure trove. Contrary to the expectation that it would be dark, the inside was bright with an emerald-colored luminous tone. I looked through the neatly displayed treasures. However, it was still impossible to discern which was the Relics of Chaos. Seeing this, I asked Thief E.
“What kind of thing is it?”
Thief E, who ate the meat offered at the barbeque without hesitation after being buried in the ground, went forward without hesitation. She walked in a straight line, not even paying attention to the treasures that ordinary people would have their eyes on.
There she went, right towards the Relic of Chaos.
“This is it.”
And she picked up a glass bottle of iridescent liquid.
“Isn’t it the Elf King’s tears?”
The greatest of the three hidden treasures of the Elf Kingdom. It was a rare elixir made of special materials that could only be obtained at the birth of the elf royal family with eternal life. It healed all diseases and wounds and promised youth and a long lifespan.
However, there was only one bottle. If only there were more elf royalty, they would have kept a bit more, but the reality was that the death rate was higher than the fertility rate. It was surprising that the legacy still existed.
Elf B opened her mouth for the first time.
“It is because historically, there were secretly many princes and princesses who were married to human heroes who weren’t of our kind. The placenta of the mixed-blood cannot be used as an ingredient for an elixir. And the children born like this cannot be pure elves. They are just long-lived humans.”
Therefore, the elf royal family always lacked in number. The lucky thing was that there was a half-chance that a royal family member would be born between a royal elf and an ordinary one.
“Is that a Relic of Chaos?”
“The bottle, not the elixir, is the Relic.”
“Let me see.”
“Don’t drink it. Hero, you’re so excellent that even taking it won’t seem to have any effect.”
“I won’t drink it.”
Because my business was with the memories of the First Hero, which resided in the Relics of Chaos.
*
This time, the lead actor was the First Hero. However, there wasn’t a single supporting actress that he loved so much to be seen. Instead, a dwarf with a crown appeared. Just by looking at his fancy attire, he was a dwarf who seemed to introduce himself by saying, “I’m the King of Dwarfs!”
“I have to run away from home.”
To such a Dwarf King, the senior hero told a very regrettable story in a very serious tone. And the answer?
“Haha! That’s not something a hero would say!”
The Dwarf King seemed to agree with my sentiments.
“After all, for the first time, the Demon King Pedonar, who was immortal, was completely sealed, and the world is peaceful without any major problems. And there’s no need for a strong hero in a peaceful world.”
“Friend. Aren’t you now a husband and father, not a warrior?”
“…”
“Friend…? Hey, are you okay?!”
The Dwarf King was bewildered by the warrior who suddenly burst into tears. His expression was one of mixed emotion. Was that because he couldn’t stand looking at it?
“I’m tired.”
“That’s exactly what it looks like.”
“I think my family is fighting because of me. If I do something about it, I will only get bad results one way or another. If I meet wife A, wife B and wife C will judge me. So, if I meet them evenly, now I check them in order. I accepted the complaints and tried using the art of doppelganger, but the situation only got worse. The children don’t say it out loud, but I think they complain a lot about me. I can’t do anything.”
A man with a harem wanted to live alone. Was it like how a person who had everything complained about being full?
“Hmm. I know you’ve got a lot of stuff.”
“I’m happy when I sleep alone.”
“Haha! Even that friend who proudly said that he couldn’t live a day without a woman when we went on an adventure together has changed a lot.”
“At that time, I was a young brat.”
“Even you, who wants to run away, don’t look like an adult….”
The Dwarf King patted the armrest of the chair he was sitting on with his fingertips and looked perplexed. Then, he went on.
“Didn’t you choose the wrong person to talk to? Friend, you know we dwarfs don’t have women. That’s why I constantly engage in artistic activities to win favor and woo women of other races. However, it isn’t easy. Harem? We are grateful for the wives that don’t divorce us. Simply put, it seems you’re bragging to me that you can’t handle it because you’re too lucky.”
“Is that so….”
“If you understand, let’s have a drink. I’m not as great as you, so my life is already short-lived. When I was young, I dreamed of winning the hearts of the first beauties with the best artworks, but now my goal is to end my life with a good drink in hand. Ah! Of course, it’s pretty easy to find a way to live longer. However, the value of an artwork increases only when the artist dies and becomes scarce. I want my artworks, which are like my own children, to be loved by people for a long time.”
“Are you going to die for your children?”
“Hahahaha! That’s how parents feel.”
The First Hero didn’t speak for a long time, as if pondering what the Dwarf King had just told him.
“I didn’t come to you just to consult.”
“You must be running away from home.”
“Yeah.”
“Then it means you came here because you needed something. Do you need a farewell gift for your wives? Hmm. I’m sorry, but how many wives do you have now?”
“It’s not a gift for my wives.”
“Then what?”
I had a rough idea of what the First Hero would say. After all, I was looking into this memory through it.
“I need a vial.”
“It’s not a pretty vase but a vial…?”
“I have a terminally ill daughter. It’s because part of the curse of the Five Plagues sealed in my arm has been moved. So she has to take medicine regularly, or I need to purify her myself, but if I’m gone, she will have to rely only on medicine in the future. However, the shelf life of this medicine is very short.”
“I understand what you’re saying.”
“Is it possible?”
“Hah! How can you say that? I’m the King of Dwarfs. I’ve solved the vain compulsion to make a weapon to defeat the first Demon King. A vial is nothing! And about that, I made one already.”
The Dwarf King took a glass bottle out of his pocket. It was something I was familiar with.
“Is this…?”
“Right. It’s very luxurious for a medicine bottle, isn’t it? It’s originally made from a vase. It’s a big deal if the roots of the flower rot because I don’t change the water, right? But I’m too lazy to change the water. That’s why I made it ambitious, but I didn’t think much of it. What kind of flowers can I grow underground where there is no sunlight? Hahahaha!”
“You mean the liquid in it will not stagnate?”
“Right. Contrary to its appearance, the bottle was hard to make largely because the materials were rare and the process was difficult, but if stored here, it will not rot or deteriorate no matter how many years pass. I am currently using it as my portable wine bottle. Is this okay?”
“I think it’s more than enough.”
*
Should I say the truth is cruel? A vase made by a dwarf to satisfy his boredom became one of the great three hidden treasures of the elf kingdom. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand. Even in my hometown districts that were breathtakingly beautiful, many cultural assets were treated as national treasures that had very little purpose.
And the function was too good to be used as a vase. It won’t spoil no matter what you put in it? It was better than vacuum packaging.
“Thief E. How many Relics of Chaos have you collected so far?”
“This is the fifth one.”
“It’s too few! The family originally kept three, so you said you found two, but what have you been doing?”
“Did Mother even reveal significant family information to you even when we’re not married yet…?”
You did it. Thief E had a brooch. And as for the Relics of Chaos that I knew of, there was the Empress Garter Belt. Including this, there were six. A total of 9 relics were required for the dimensional shift. That meant I had to collect three more.
“Do you know the location of any other relics?”
“The Marchioness of a kingdom in the north has one. Her family name is Sosiris. She was a great aristocrat with many conspiracy theories surrounding her because her husband, The Marquis, passed away without even making it the first night. I don’t know exactly what it is because I checked it from afar, but it’s something she’s always carrying.”
Sosiris? I think I heard it somewhere…
▶Answer: It is an alias and identity used by the daughter of the Demon King.
Thanks, Miss Trainee Teacher!
That cowardly demon’s alias was Sosiris.
“But there are still seven. I am short of two. Hmm….”
Shall I go around looking for more? Thinking that far, I shook my head from side to side. While I was sleeping, Luke the warrior challenged the Demon King and lost. Now, his reputation dropped to the bottom, but thanks to his failure, I achieved the feat of restoring the human territory that the demons had stolen.
Was this a blessing in disguise? I think I can graduate from here. And if I can graduate from here, I didn’t want to waste time looking for shortcuts. The First Spirit responded, lying above my head once more.
“Are you going to the Demon King?”
“Yeah. I feel sorry for you, who has just been released.”
“It’s okay. I’ve got a way.”
“How?”
“I’ll teach you the next time we meet. Fufu!”
The First Spirit looked at Elf B and laughed. Was there a secret deal between the two at the barbecue party? But it was out of my interest. Knowing that my attribute was human, I had no business with the First Spirit anymore. So I’m sorry for her, we would never see each other again.
“Come on, let’s go.”
With this, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for Luke, who worked hard to collect the Holy Swords and colleagues from the Central Continent and the North Continent for six years, but I didn’t want to wait any longer after being locked here for thirty-three years. I summoned my human spirits.
“You don’t even call me by that ridiculous name anymore?!”
Spirit A, who was the spirit representative, complained to me over a trivial matter. I ignored it.
“Spirits, we’re advancing to the castle of the Demon King.”
I saved the Central Continent, which another hero ruined. It was absurd that such a great hero couldn’t graduate from here. I didn’t even use illegal skills; Miss Trainee Teacher confirmed this. She promised to go on a date if she was wrong.
▶ Difficulty: Well, you remember those things clearly…
There’s no reason I can’t graduate from here. No matter how narrow and petty the Fantasy God is, it will not be able to stop me this time.
“The time has come.”
It was now time to return to Earth.
All Cultural Assets Are Like That!
A barbecue party was held for one hour to strengthen everyone’s friendship. Judging that I had been resting for too long, I dismissed all of them. There was a ridiculous protest that the party had just started now, but when the hero and his party played hard, who would protect the fantasy world? I had to work diligently to return to Earth as soon as possible.
Thirty-three years. I had been here too long.
“Thief E. Where is the Relic of Chaos?”
“This way.”
We walked leisurely across the palace without a guard. There were many cases where the Earth’s crime prevention system had a big failure after blindly trusting the surveillance cameras. The Elf King was making the same mistake. The royal palace, which relied on spirits for security, was no obstacle for me. What’s more, when the First Spirit, the head of all spirits, came forward, it was like leaving the safe wide open.
Not only that. The spirits who pretended to be innocent began to loot in earnest. They transformed from security guards to armed robbers! The spirits had no understanding of the art and metals that elves and humans had determined to be valuable. Still, they stole anything they could because they thought it would be fun, following the instructions given by the First Spirit.
“That’s incredible.”
When I saw that scene, all I could do was laugh. A normal predator would have taken the expensive things first. However, the spirits, not knowing what was precious, picked up anything that stood out. There was no clear purpose of stealing them to become rich; they only thought it would be fun.
That was all.
“Huh?! Who’s wearing my shoes-no?! My pants are also not here?!”
The spirits laughed cheerfully as they watched the Elf King engulfed in confusion. Even though his people were dying in a war, the Elf King, who was sleepy, wandered around looking for the missing objects. Of course, he didn’t go looking for it himself. He ordered the spirits.
However…
“Ugh?! Why is my affinity for spirits so low?!”
Now that the First Spirit was released, all the spirits were affected by her in some way. This was because the First Spirit’s attribute was ‘spirit’. It didn’t matter how great the Elf King’s previous affinity was. If the First Spirit was unfavorable toward him, it was over. Even steadfast friendships could turn hostile as if flipping a coin.
As I followed Thief E, who led the way to where the Relic of Chaos was, I questioned the First Spirit.
“Madam. Can you remove the spirits that are attached to my body?”
“I’m not an old lady! Don’t call me madam. Call me by my name.”
“Your name?”
“I was called it throughout the barbecue party. You should have…”
“Madam.”
“…Just give them a break. Huh! I can remove them by ordering them around, but isn’t that too harsh? It’s like forcing an office worker who has become a slave to money and class to quit drinking and smoking.”
“Indeed….”
I used to hear that my body smelled good. That seemed to be valid even now that I became a spirit. However, I didn’t expect a righteous hero would be classified as a drug. Elf B, who followed like a shadow behind us, remained silent. Her eyebrows trembled every time the spirits, running around the palace like a playground, ruined expensive pottery or paintings. Still, she was faithfully complying with the demand to become a slave.
“Here it is.”
Guided by Thief E, these junky fellows and I were soon able to reach our destination. As expected, it was a treasure trove. It was a completely enclosed space, both physically and magically, so that even the spirits couldn’t invade at will. However…
Rustling!
Even the iron gate of such a hard treasure trove was useless in front of the Holy Sword Nucleon’s blade.
Thud!
The thick iron gate fell, revealing the inside of the treasure trove. Contrary to the expectation that it would be dark, the inside was bright with an emerald-colored luminous tone. I looked through the neatly displayed treasures. However, it was still impossible to discern which was the Relics of Chaos. Seeing this, I asked Thief E.
“What kind of thing is it?”
Thief E, who ate the meat offered at the barbeque without hesitation after being buried in the ground, went forward without hesitation. She walked in a straight line, not even paying attention to the treasures that ordinary people would have their eyes on.
There she went, right towards the Relic of Chaos.
“This is it.”
And she picked up a glass bottle of iridescent liquid.
“Isn’t it the Elf King’s tears?”
The greatest of the three hidden treasures of the Elf Kingdom. It was a rare elixir made of special materials that could only be obtained at the birth of the elf royal family with eternal life. It healed all diseases and wounds and promised youth and a long lifespan.
However, there was only one bottle. If only there were more elf royalty, they would have kept a bit more, but the reality was that the death rate was higher than the fertility rate. It was surprising that the legacy still existed.
Elf B opened her mouth for the first time.
“It is because historically, there were secretly many princes and princesses who were married to human heroes who weren’t of our kind. The placenta of the mixed-blood cannot be used as an ingredient for an elixir. And the children born like this cannot be pure elves. They are just long-lived humans.”
Therefore, the elf royal family always lacked in number. The lucky thing was that there was a half-chance that a royal family member would be born between a royal elf and an ordinary one.
“Is that a Relic of Chaos?”
“The bottle, not the elixir, is the Relic.”
“Let me see.”
“Don’t drink it. Hero, you’re so excellent that even taking it won’t seem to have any effect.”
“I won’t drink it.”
Because my business was with the memories of the First Hero, which resided in the Relics of Chaos.
*
This time, the lead actor was the First Hero. However, there wasn’t a single supporting actress that he loved so much to be seen. Instead, a dwarf with a crown appeared. Just by looking at his fancy attire, he was a dwarf who seemed to introduce himself by saying, “I’m the King of Dwarfs!”
“I have to run away from home.”
To such a Dwarf King, the senior hero told a very regrettable story in a very serious tone. And the answer?
“Haha! That’s not something a hero would say!”
The Dwarf King seemed to agree with my sentiments.
“After all, for the first time, the Demon King Pedonar, who was immortal, was completely sealed, and the world is peaceful without any major problems. And there’s no need for a strong hero in a peaceful world.”
“Friend. Aren’t you now a husband and father, not a warrior?”
“…”
“Friend…? Hey, are you okay?!”
The Dwarf King was bewildered by the warrior who suddenly burst into tears. His expression was one of mixed emotion. Was that because he couldn’t stand looking at it?
“I’m tired.”
“That’s exactly what it looks like.”
“I think my family is fighting because of me. If I do something about it, I will only get bad results one way or another. If I meet wife A, wife B and wife C will judge me. So, if I meet them evenly, now I check them in order. I accepted the complaints and tried using the art of doppelganger, but the situation only got worse. The children don’t say it out loud, but I think they complain a lot about me. I can’t do anything.”
A man with a harem wanted to live alone. Was it like how a person who had everything complained about being full?
“Hmm. I know you’ve got a lot of stuff.”
“I’m happy when I sleep alone.”
“Haha! Even that friend who proudly said that he couldn’t live a day without a woman when we went on an adventure together has changed a lot.”
“At that time, I was a young brat.”
“Even you, who wants to run away, don’t look like an adult….”
The Dwarf King patted the armrest of the chair he was sitting on with his fingertips and looked perplexed. Then, he went on.
“Didn’t you choose the wrong person to talk to? Friend, you know we dwarfs don’t have women. That’s why I constantly engage in artistic activities to win favor and woo women of other races. However, it isn’t easy. Harem? We are grateful for the wives that don’t divorce us. Simply put, it seems you’re bragging to me that you can’t handle it because you’re too lucky.”
“Is that so….”
“If you understand, let’s have a drink. I’m not as great as you, so my life is already short-lived. When I was young, I dreamed of winning the hearts of the first beauties with the best artworks, but now my goal is to end my life with a good drink in hand. Ah! Of course, it’s pretty easy to find a way to live longer. However, the value of an artwork increases only when the artist dies and becomes scarce. I want my artworks, which are like my own children, to be loved by people for a long time.”
“Are you going to die for your children?”
“Hahahaha! That’s how parents feel.”
The First Hero didn’t speak for a long time, as if pondering what the Dwarf King had just told him.
“I didn’t come to you just to consult.”
“You must be running away from home.”
“Yeah.”
“Then it means you came here because you needed something. Do you need a farewell gift for your wives? Hmm. I’m sorry, but how many wives do you have now?”
“It’s not a gift for my wives.”
“Then what?”
I had a rough idea of what the First Hero would say. After all, I was looking into this memory through it.
“I need a vial.”
“It’s not a pretty vase but a vial…?”
“I have a terminally ill daughter. It’s because part of the curse of the Five Plagues sealed in my arm has been moved. So she has to take medicine regularly, or I need to purify her myself, but if I’m gone, she will have to rely only on medicine in the future. However, the shelf life of this medicine is very short.”
“I understand what you’re saying.”
“Is it possible?”
“Hah! How can you say that? I’m the King of Dwarfs. I’ve solved the vain compulsion to make a weapon to defeat the first Demon King. A vial is nothing! And about that, I made one already.”
The Dwarf King took a glass bottle out of his pocket. It was something I was familiar with.
“Is this…?”
“Right. It’s very luxurious for a medicine bottle, isn’t it? It’s originally made from a vase. It’s a big deal if the roots of the flower rot because I don’t change the water, right? But I’m too lazy to change the water. That’s why I made it ambitious, but I didn’t think much of it. What kind of flowers can I grow underground where there is no sunlight? Hahahaha!”
“You mean the liquid in it will not stagnate?”
“Right. Contrary to its appearance, the bottle was hard to make largely because the materials were rare and the process was difficult, but if stored here, it will not rot or deteriorate no matter how many years pass. I am currently using it as my portable wine bottle. Is this okay?”
“I think it’s more than enough.”
*
Should I say the truth is cruel? A vase made by a dwarf to satisfy his boredom became one of the great three hidden treasures of the elf kingdom. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand. Even in my hometown districts that were breathtakingly beautiful, many cultural assets were treated as national treasures that had very little purpose.
And the function was too good to be used as a vase. It won’t spoil no matter what you put in it? It was better than vacuum packaging.
“Thief E. How many Relics of Chaos have you collected so far?”
“This is the fifth one.”
“It’s too few! The family originally kept three, so you said you found two, but what have you been doing?”
“Did Mother even reveal significant family information to you even when we’re not married yet…?”
You did it. Thief E had a brooch. And as for the Relics of Chaos that I knew of, there was the Empress Garter Belt. Including this, there were six. A total of 9 relics were required for the dimensional shift. That meant I had to collect three more.
“Do you know the location of any other relics?”
“The Marchioness of a kingdom in the north has one. Her family name is Sosiris. She was a great aristocrat with many conspiracy theories surrounding her because her husband, The Marquis, passed away without even making it the first night. I don’t know exactly what it is because I checked it from afar, but it’s something she’s always carrying.”
Sosiris? I think I heard it somewhere…
▶Answer: It is an alias and identity used by the daughter of the Demon King.
Thanks, Miss Trainee Teacher!
That cowardly demon’s alias was Sosiris.
“But there are still seven. I am short of two. Hmm….”
Shall I go around looking for more? Thinking that far, I shook my head from side to side. While I was sleeping, Luke the warrior challenged the Demon King and lost. Now, his reputation dropped to the bottom, but thanks to his failure, I achieved the feat of restoring the human territory that the demons had stolen.
Was this a blessing in disguise? I think I can graduate from here. And if I can graduate from here, I didn’t want to waste time looking for shortcuts. The First Spirit responded, lying above my head once more.
“Are you going to the Demon King?”
“Yeah. I feel sorry for you, who has just been released.”
“It’s okay. I’ve got a way.”
“How?”
“I’ll teach you the next time we meet. Fufu!”
The First Spirit looked at Elf B and laughed. Was there a secret deal between the two at the barbecue party? But it was out of my interest. Knowing that my attribute was human, I had no business with the First Spirit anymore. So I’m sorry for her, we would never see each other again.
“Come on, let’s go.”
With this, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for Luke, who worked hard to collect the Holy Swords and colleagues from the Central Continent and the North Continent for six years, but I didn’t want to wait any longer after being locked here for thirty-three years. I summoned my human spirits.
“You don’t even call me by that ridiculous name anymore?!”
Spirit A, who was the spirit representative, complained to me over a trivial matter. I ignored it.
“Spirits, we’re advancing to the castle of the Demon King.”
I saved the Central Continent, which another hero ruined. It was absurd that such a great hero couldn’t graduate from here. I didn’t even use illegal skills; Miss Trainee Teacher confirmed this. She promised to go on a date if she was wrong.
▶ Difficulty: Well, you remember those things clearly…
There’s no reason I can’t graduate from here. No matter how narrow and petty the Fantasy God is, it will not be able to stop me this time.
“The time has come.”
It was now time to return to Earth.
