[The increased upload rate will begin this Saturday.]
[11th Round] Take Care of The Western Continent!
“It’s been a while since I’ve felt this heat.”
Unintentionally watching the stars in the Western Continent of Fantasy, I wandered across the Southern Continent and soon faced the hot sun. But this was only the beginning. It was still cool here since I was in the northern part. The central part, farther from the coast, was truly an infinite desert.
And the member of the Five Great Disasters, whom I had to deal with, lived in a volcano that was at the southern end. In other words, I had to cross the desert in the middle.
“Drug hero, are you going right away?”
The First Spirit, who wasn’t bothered with the heat at all, chimed up. Flying all the way here, I tried to drop her and make it look natural, but this spirit, who was holding on tightly as she plucked my hair, just laughed happily like a speed maniac.
“Hmm….”
I was slightly troubled by her question. After all, I wasted so much time in the Western Continent of Fantasy. I fell asleep, and three years passed. Even excluding that, I was delayed by raising the other heroes. Although I didn’t regret coming to the South Continent first instead of the North Continent, I lacked a clear plan.
There were also many recruitable colleagues from the Southern Continent. Of course, I was heading in a direction where I wouldn’t run into them.
“…For now, let’s eat and think!”
Like the old saying, food comes first. The Southern Continent was unique in its cuisine that combines wild animals raised in the golden grasslands of the north and rare ingredients only found in the desert. Fortunately, it wasn’t unique in a negative sense like the cuisine of Lucifer found in the Western Continent. It was so good that it made this experienced hero want to eat it again later.
I drew a 3D map in my head. Although it was based on the experience of the 1st playthrough more than fifty years ago, the topography that I memorized naturally while conquering the dungeons scattered throughout the Southern Continent was vivid in my mind like a clear satellite image.
Above all else, nothing had changed here. Everything changes over the years, but I don’t have to worry about changes every time I go back to year zero of hero life.
“It seems there’s nothing you don’t know, drug hero.”
“Of course. If I write the story of my first playthrough as a fantasy novel, thirty volumes wouldn’t be enough. The story of a hero’s adventures, who is tormented by his colleagues full of jealousy and greed, is quite dark.”
The novel would surely fail. About three volumes of the prologue would be about me being beaten up by Alex and following small errands for the Dumpling King. The hero, who should have saved the world, dug herbs for an old man and wasted a whole day searching for a lost cat for a little girl.
It was the ideal example of helplessness and incompetence.
Still, it was all in the past, so a kind hero like me would just laugh ha-ha like an old man and walk away. However, if it were a bad hero like Classmate A or Sieg, they would have tortured and raped the natives using their past life as an excuse. How the hell did the Fantasy God give me an F for my personality?
“Welcome to the Blue Wolf Clan! Stranger!”
The attire of the natives of the South Continent was largely standardized. Each of them was covered with thin, breathable cloth to protect their skin from intense sunlight. Their faces were also difficult to recognize, as their mouth and nose were also covered with a cloth mask to block the dust and sand coming from the desert.
The only visible thing was two eyes. But I could tell who was who just by looking at their body shape and eyes. There was no need for a skill such as Clairvoyance, which was learned only because of an elf who made plains into mountains with breast pads.
“Nice to meet you, the Claw of the Blue Wolf!”
“Oh! I thought you were a stranger because of your unusual attire and appearance, but you know our greeting very well.”
The middle-aged man in front of the restaurant of Clansman F had a high position in the Blue Wolf clan. I remembered him as a bold man who asked the legendary hero to take care of his child.
It’s not like I had a hard time meeting such a man. I searched for the nearest restaurant with the 3D map in my head, and this was the nearest place I found. It wasn’t easy to operate a typical restaurant in the South Continent, where food was scarce due to frequent droughts. This meant that Clansman F had not only power but could cook well enough to be entrusted with precious food.
Would it be better to say that he gained power because he could cook well? How much entertainment could the natives here really enjoy in their cramped houses without the Internet, games, cartoons, or television? It was all about the harmony of yin and yang, which hasn’t changed since ancient times, and good food.
This was especially severe in the Southern Continent, as they spent most of their day indoors avoiding the hellish heat.
“Give me Medusa’s fermented milk and smoked tail.”
“Haha! You don’t even need a menu recommendation. By the way, Sir. It’s not for me to say, but I envy you for having a flower spirit above your head. I’ve seen flower spirits a few times in my life, but this is the first time I’ve seen one so beautiful. It’s a pity she’s so small.”
“It’s all right. It still fits in.”
I flicked my little finger. The First Spirit slammed her heel down onto my head, but I didn’t care.
The Southern Continent was a place where the harmony of cuisine and yin-yang had developed. This was a normal conversation to have.
“By any chance, are you from the South Continent? It’s not for me to say, but it’s been a long time since a stranger looked natural as a customer here.”
“My hometown is in the North Continent, but I lived in the South Continent for about three years.”
In the 1st playthrough, I ventured around the Southern Continent for a little over two and a half years, but I decided to round up in this case.
“Oh! You came from the end of the world. Wait. I will show you a dish so wonderful that you will forget your cold homeland. Haha!”
Clansman F entered the kitchen with a big smile. He seemed pretty confident. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say that they lived for the happiness of eating because those who cook well among the natives of the South Continent were masters at handling the ingredients they had.
Medusa’s milk, Medusa’s tail. If there was Lucifer in the Western Continent, there was Medusa in the Southern Continent. The upper body was that of a woman, and the lower body was a snake monster. It was also called the desert mermaid as it could freely roam the desert using its long and flexible snake body.
Medusa, being able to freely use the abundant underground water buried under the desert, was treated as livestock essential to life in the Southern Continent despite being a monster. It was just as how Europeans prefer beer to water because of the nature of the European continent. In the Southern Continent of Fantasia, Medusa’s milk, which was easier to obtain than water, quenched one’s thirst.
“That furry man seems to have eyes to see.”
The First Spirit, who stopped kicking the top of my head, had a smirk.
“Really? You’ll hear it often in the Southern Continent.”
Like slimes, the most advanced creatures in the universe, flower spirits live throughout the Fantasy world. Like the First Spirit, they had two pairs of dragonfly wings on their back, and their size was roughly that of a forearm. But if you look at the species, they weren’t spirits. They were little fairies.
Still, they were called flower spirits because of the First Spirit above my head. The epic of my senior (First Hero) was famous in the Southern Continent. The joy of cooking was difficult to savor for elderly people who remained at home to avoid the heat. Their only pleasure was to tell their grandchildren the old stories they heard when they were young.
In a sense, they could be considered as a kind of tutor. However, because they weren’t properly educated, they repeat their stories. They would retell a hundred stories to their grandchildren a hundred times. By the time the young grandchildren became adults capable of social activities, they had reached the point of memorizing all hundred stories.
It was brainwashing education…
“Drug hero, I think it’s a very good education policy! My achievements have been unforgettable! The South Continent is a special place for me, too. I met Elfheim, who spoke about the greatness of human beings and the sorrow of his kind, and we became friends here.”
“Right. The story has been passed down from generation to generation.”
Of course, the content that the great Elf King detested his people’s LCD monitors and loved the valleys of human women was completely omitted. Anyway, the story of the unfortunate Elf King and the First Spirit’s active roles in the Southern Continent was as famous as the hero.
And the name was the problem: the First Spirit. Unlike other spirits, the substantial First Spirit looked like a small fairy. However, they were quite different if you observed them closely. The biggest difference was the presence of reproductive organs. However, as the poor taste of the third Elf King wasn’t conveyed, the truth was that the First Spirit, who was as beautiful as a goddess, had a cloaca…
“It’s not a cloaca!”
“Anyway, because of you, they are called the flower spirits, and they are considered sacred in the Southern Continent. Capturing one is treated as a felony that even the chieftain cannot forgive, and Saint B, who is the priest of the White Spirit Clan, protects the flower spirits and monitors poaching.”
“I’m starting to feel this, but you know a lot, drug hero.”
The food came out while we talked, but it was accompanied by a salad and fruit that I didn’t order. Both were very precious ingredients in the Southern Continent.
Clansman F explained with a grin.
“This is a service because I quite like you. Welcome back to the Southern Continent that is filled with passionate love and legend.”
“…Is it free?”
“Haha! Of course.”
“You’re not asking me to take care of a baby later, are you?”
I got hit by that in the 1st playthrough. Of course, it wasn’t salad or fruit at the time. I was caught off guard when I ordered cold water. After seeing the price tag, I thought I drank holy water. Water was originally expensive in the South Continent, but Clansman F ripped off my comrades and me.
That’s why his name was Clansman F. His personality was F. How could I be so pathetic in the past…?
“B-baby?! Sir! Don’t get in trouble! If my wife, the chief’s daughter, hears it, she will misunderstand and kill me! I’ve just been married and enjoying my honeymoon, so I don’t have any hidden children!”
“Ah, I suppose so.”
Although it had already been three years into my hero journey, my visit to the Southern Continent was much earlier than before the baby is born.
I responded after calculating the date roughly. History may change by leaking God’s plan, but I wasn’t close enough with Clansman F to consider even that in detail, so it was okay.
“Don’t you wonder whether they are daughters or sons when your children are born?”
“Huh?!”
Turning from a hero to a fortune-teller, I persuaded Clansman F. I increased my persuasive power by exposing his wife’s secret that he told me at the drinking party in the 1st playthrough. I didn’t threaten him at all.
“Do you believe me?”
“I believe! I believe you no matter what! Oh, great fortune teller! So please don’t tell my wife that…!”
I continued the friendship I had with Clansman F before. Inspired by this hero’s friendship, Clansman F offered more dishes, saying that he would show off his skills. Of course, it was all free. Free! I could see that justice hadn’t yet died in this world.
He also didn’t forget to take care of the flower spirit above my head.
“Drug hero, I like that human male even more! He is the first person to offer tribute to me since I was released from the hands of the wicked elves. Not like the savages of the Western Continent who treated me like a fly! Hehe!”
With strange laughter, the First Spirit spoke while grabbing at cut pieces of meat with a toothpick and eating them. Watching the spirit so happy with less than a bite of meat for a human, I thought that her thoughts were very simple.
“Come down while you eat. What if harmful animal oil dripped on my head?”
“Do not worry. My children will clean it well.”
“I will take all of your hair if I suffer hair loss. I’ll call you Bald Spirit.”
“Humph! You underestimate me. I am not a weak spirit to submit to such absurd and barbaric threats. Bring your fingers if you want to subdue my body.”
“Come on. I’ll deal with you using two fingers this time.”
“T-two?! That’s unreasonable! It’s physically impossible!”
“You underestimate me. I’m a hero who does the impossible.”
“I’m scared because it sounds like you’ll do it…!”
We devoured our meal while enjoying a pathetic conversation. Afterward, I stayed at the restaurant, dragging myself along to make a deeper friendship with the Clansman F, who wanted to leave soon with his wife’s secret.
It was okay to stay overni-
Creek-
Late at night, someone came into the quiet restaurant where I was alone. It was very rare to come in like this at night when the heat left because, conversely, it was the time for outdoor activities. So I looked at that person without realizing it.
“Huh? Isn’t it Thief E?”
A cunning elf who deceived an innocent hero with breast pads. But she ignored me even though I pretended to know her and passed by to start ordering food from Clansman F.
“The one I always have.”
“Floria. You should thank me for understanding such an insincere order. It is difficult to force the elf’s concept of time on me as a human being. Has it been a year? You’ve still changed– oh! I think your chest is bigger. Maybe it’s because you drank Medusa’s milk, unlike the other elves. Haha!”
“That’s enough of the bullshit.”
“You’re sensitive to jokes because you drank outside water.”
The conversation between Thief E and Clansman F sounded trivial.
…Damn regression. This was already my third meeting with Thief E, and it was very annoying that I had to introduce myself again every time. But I had a trick.
“Illidan. What wind blew you back home? You said you would never be back until you had collected all the relics.”
However, Thief E didn’t respond to my call. She looked behind me once to make sure no one was there, then glanced at me like I was crazy and went back to eating.
…What? Did she change her real name too?
▶Flustered: Her name is not Illidan. And that’s a man’s name no matter you look at it…
Is it not? That’s so weird! I’m sure she was Illidan!
[The increased upload rate will begin this Saturday.]
[11th Round] Take Care of The Western Continent!
“It’s been a while since I’ve felt this heat.”
Unintentionally watching the stars in the Western Continent of Fantasy, I wandered across the Southern Continent and soon faced the hot sun. But this was only the beginning. It was still cool here since I was in the northern part. The central part, farther from the coast, was truly an infinite desert.
And the member of the Five Great Disasters, whom I had to deal with, lived in a volcano that was at the southern end. In other words, I had to cross the desert in the middle.
“Drug hero, are you going right away?”
The First Spirit, who wasn’t bothered with the heat at all, chimed up. Flying all the way here, I tried to drop her and make it look natural, but this spirit, who was holding on tightly as she plucked my hair, just laughed happily like a speed maniac.
“Hmm….”
I was slightly troubled by her question. After all, I wasted so much time in the Western Continent of Fantasy. I fell asleep, and three years passed. Even excluding that, I was delayed by raising the other heroes. Although I didn’t regret coming to the South Continent first instead of the North Continent, I lacked a clear plan.
There were also many recruitable colleagues from the Southern Continent. Of course, I was heading in a direction where I wouldn’t run into them.
“…For now, let’s eat and think!”
Like the old saying, food comes first. The Southern Continent was unique in its cuisine that combines wild animals raised in the golden grasslands of the north and rare ingredients only found in the desert. Fortunately, it wasn’t unique in a negative sense like the cuisine of Lucifer found in the Western Continent. It was so good that it made this experienced hero want to eat it again later.
I drew a 3D map in my head. Although it was based on the experience of the 1st playthrough more than fifty years ago, the topography that I memorized naturally while conquering the dungeons scattered throughout the Southern Continent was vivid in my mind like a clear satellite image.
Above all else, nothing had changed here. Everything changes over the years, but I don’t have to worry about changes every time I go back to year zero of hero life.
“It seems there’s nothing you don’t know, drug hero.”
“Of course. If I write the story of my first playthrough as a fantasy novel, thirty volumes wouldn’t be enough. The story of a hero’s adventures, who is tormented by his colleagues full of jealousy and greed, is quite dark.”
The novel would surely fail. About three volumes of the prologue would be about me being beaten up by Alex and following small errands for the Dumpling King. The hero, who should have saved the world, dug herbs for an old man and wasted a whole day searching for a lost cat for a little girl.
It was the ideal example of helplessness and incompetence.
Still, it was all in the past, so a kind hero like me would just laugh ha-ha like an old man and walk away. However, if it were a bad hero like Classmate A or Sieg, they would have tortured and raped the natives using their past life as an excuse. How the hell did the Fantasy God give me an F for my personality?
“Welcome to the Blue Wolf Clan! Stranger!”
The attire of the natives of the South Continent was largely standardized. Each of them was covered with thin, breathable cloth to protect their skin from intense sunlight. Their faces were also difficult to recognize, as their mouth and nose were also covered with a cloth mask to block the dust and sand coming from the desert.
The only visible thing was two eyes. But I could tell who was who just by looking at their body shape and eyes. There was no need for a skill such as Clairvoyance, which was learned only because of an elf who made plains into mountains with breast pads.
“Nice to meet you, the Claw of the Blue Wolf!”
“Oh! I thought you were a stranger because of your unusual attire and appearance, but you know our greeting very well.”
The middle-aged man in front of the restaurant of Clansman F had a high position in the Blue Wolf clan. I remembered him as a bold man who asked the legendary hero to take care of his child.
It’s not like I had a hard time meeting such a man. I searched for the nearest restaurant with the 3D map in my head, and this was the nearest place I found. It wasn’t easy to operate a typical restaurant in the South Continent, where food was scarce due to frequent droughts. This meant that Clansman F had not only power but could cook well enough to be entrusted with precious food.
Would it be better to say that he gained power because he could cook well? How much entertainment could the natives here really enjoy in their cramped houses without the Internet, games, cartoons, or television? It was all about the harmony of yin and yang, which hasn’t changed since ancient times, and good food.
This was especially severe in the Southern Continent, as they spent most of their day indoors avoiding the hellish heat.
“Give me Medusa’s fermented milk and smoked tail.”
“Haha! You don’t even need a menu recommendation. By the way, Sir. It’s not for me to say, but I envy you for having a flower spirit above your head. I’ve seen flower spirits a few times in my life, but this is the first time I’ve seen one so beautiful. It’s a pity she’s so small.”
“It’s all right. It still fits in.”
I flicked my little finger. The First Spirit slammed her heel down onto my head, but I didn’t care.
The Southern Continent was a place where the harmony of cuisine and yin-yang had developed. This was a normal conversation to have.
“By any chance, are you from the South Continent? It’s not for me to say, but it’s been a long time since a stranger looked natural as a customer here.”
“My hometown is in the North Continent, but I lived in the South Continent for about three years.”
In the 1st playthrough, I ventured around the Southern Continent for a little over two and a half years, but I decided to round up in this case.
“Oh! You came from the end of the world. Wait. I will show you a dish so wonderful that you will forget your cold homeland. Haha!”
Clansman F entered the kitchen with a big smile. He seemed pretty confident. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say that they lived for the happiness of eating because those who cook well among the natives of the South Continent were masters at handling the ingredients they had.
Medusa’s milk, Medusa’s tail. If there was Lucifer in the Western Continent, there was Medusa in the Southern Continent. The upper body was that of a woman, and the lower body was a snake monster. It was also called the desert mermaid as it could freely roam the desert using its long and flexible snake body.
Medusa, being able to freely use the abundant underground water buried under the desert, was treated as livestock essential to life in the Southern Continent despite being a monster. It was just as how Europeans prefer beer to water because of the nature of the European continent. In the Southern Continent of Fantasia, Medusa’s milk, which was easier to obtain than water, quenched one’s thirst.
“That furry man seems to have eyes to see.”
The First Spirit, who stopped kicking the top of my head, had a smirk.
“Really? You’ll hear it often in the Southern Continent.”
Like slimes, the most advanced creatures in the universe, flower spirits live throughout the Fantasy world. Like the First Spirit, they had two pairs of dragonfly wings on their back, and their size was roughly that of a forearm. But if you look at the species, they weren’t spirits. They were little fairies.
Still, they were called flower spirits because of the First Spirit above my head. The epic of my senior (First Hero) was famous in the Southern Continent. The joy of cooking was difficult to savor for elderly people who remained at home to avoid the heat. Their only pleasure was to tell their grandchildren the old stories they heard when they were young.
In a sense, they could be considered as a kind of tutor. However, because they weren’t properly educated, they repeat their stories. They would retell a hundred stories to their grandchildren a hundred times. By the time the young grandchildren became adults capable of social activities, they had reached the point of memorizing all hundred stories.
It was brainwashing education…
“Drug hero, I think it’s a very good education policy! My achievements have been unforgettable! The South Continent is a special place for me, too. I met Elfheim, who spoke about the greatness of human beings and the sorrow of his kind, and we became friends here.”
“Right. The story has been passed down from generation to generation.”
Of course, the content that the great Elf King detested his people’s LCD monitors and loved the valleys of human women was completely omitted. Anyway, the story of the unfortunate Elf King and the First Spirit’s active roles in the Southern Continent was as famous as the hero.
And the name was the problem: the First Spirit. Unlike other spirits, the substantial First Spirit looked like a small fairy. However, they were quite different if you observed them closely. The biggest difference was the presence of reproductive organs. However, as the poor taste of the third Elf King wasn’t conveyed, the truth was that the First Spirit, who was as beautiful as a goddess, had a cloaca…
“It’s not a cloaca!”
“Anyway, because of you, they are called the flower spirits, and they are considered sacred in the Southern Continent. Capturing one is treated as a felony that even the chieftain cannot forgive, and Saint B, who is the priest of the White Spirit Clan, protects the flower spirits and monitors poaching.”
“I’m starting to feel this, but you know a lot, drug hero.”
The food came out while we talked, but it was accompanied by a salad and fruit that I didn’t order. Both were very precious ingredients in the Southern Continent.
Clansman F explained with a grin.
“This is a service because I quite like you. Welcome back to the Southern Continent that is filled with passionate love and legend.”
“…Is it free?”
“Haha! Of course.”
“You’re not asking me to take care of a baby later, are you?”
I got hit by that in the 1st playthrough. Of course, it wasn’t salad or fruit at the time. I was caught off guard when I ordered cold water. After seeing the price tag, I thought I drank holy water. Water was originally expensive in the South Continent, but Clansman F ripped off my comrades and me.
That’s why his name was Clansman F. His personality was F. How could I be so pathetic in the past…?
“B-baby?! Sir! Don’t get in trouble! If my wife, the chief’s daughter, hears it, she will misunderstand and kill me! I’ve just been married and enjoying my honeymoon, so I don’t have any hidden children!”
“Ah, I suppose so.”
Although it had already been three years into my hero journey, my visit to the Southern Continent was much earlier than before the baby is born.
I responded after calculating the date roughly. History may change by leaking God’s plan, but I wasn’t close enough with Clansman F to consider even that in detail, so it was okay.
“Don’t you wonder whether they are daughters or sons when your children are born?”
“Huh?!”
Turning from a hero to a fortune-teller, I persuaded Clansman F. I increased my persuasive power by exposing his wife’s secret that he told me at the drinking party in the 1st playthrough. I didn’t threaten him at all.
“Do you believe me?”
“I believe! I believe you no matter what! Oh, great fortune teller! So please don’t tell my wife that…!”
I continued the friendship I had with Clansman F before. Inspired by this hero’s friendship, Clansman F offered more dishes, saying that he would show off his skills. Of course, it was all free. Free! I could see that justice hadn’t yet died in this world.
He also didn’t forget to take care of the flower spirit above my head.
“Drug hero, I like that human male even more! He is the first person to offer tribute to me since I was released from the hands of the wicked elves. Not like the savages of the Western Continent who treated me like a fly! Hehe!”
With strange laughter, the First Spirit spoke while grabbing at cut pieces of meat with a toothpick and eating them. Watching the spirit so happy with less than a bite of meat for a human, I thought that her thoughts were very simple.
“Come down while you eat. What if harmful animal oil dripped on my head?”
“Do not worry. My children will clean it well.”
“I will take all of your hair if I suffer hair loss. I’ll call you Bald Spirit.”
“Humph! You underestimate me. I am not a weak spirit to submit to such absurd and barbaric threats. Bring your fingers if you want to subdue my body.”
“Come on. I’ll deal with you using two fingers this time.”
“T-two?! That’s unreasonable! It’s physically impossible!”
“You underestimate me. I’m a hero who does the impossible.”
“I’m scared because it sounds like you’ll do it…!”
We devoured our meal while enjoying a pathetic conversation. Afterward, I stayed at the restaurant, dragging myself along to make a deeper friendship with the Clansman F, who wanted to leave soon with his wife’s secret.
It was okay to stay overni-
Creek-
Late at night, someone came into the quiet restaurant where I was alone. It was very rare to come in like this at night when the heat left because, conversely, it was the time for outdoor activities. So I looked at that person without realizing it.
“Huh? Isn’t it Thief E?”
A cunning elf who deceived an innocent hero with breast pads. But she ignored me even though I pretended to know her and passed by to start ordering food from Clansman F.
“The one I always have.”
“Floria. You should thank me for understanding such an insincere order. It is difficult to force the elf’s concept of time on me as a human being. Has it been a year? You’ve still changed– oh! I think your chest is bigger. Maybe it’s because you drank Medusa’s milk, unlike the other elves. Haha!”
“That’s enough of the bullshit.”
“You’re sensitive to jokes because you drank outside water.”
The conversation between Thief E and Clansman F sounded trivial.
…Damn regression. This was already my third meeting with Thief E, and it was very annoying that I had to introduce myself again every time. But I had a trick.
“Illidan. What wind blew you back home? You said you would never be back until you had collected all the relics.”
However, Thief E didn’t respond to my call. She looked behind me once to make sure no one was there, then glanced at me like I was crazy and went back to eating.
…What? Did she change her real name too?
▶Flustered: Her name is not Illidan. And that’s a man’s name no matter you look at it…
Is it not? That’s so weird! I’m sure she was Illidan!
