Aperio wanted to pluck the dagger from herself in the memory and helpfully relocate it into Epemirial heart. If she even has one. Luckily for the Goddess of Duty and Loss, the All-Mother was not able to do that. Of course, nothing stopped her from recreating the dagger and using it to kill her, but Aperio held herself back. For now. There was still one more thing she needed to know.
The memory she had witnessed up until now told her what had happened — to a degree at least — but not why . And I still don't know if I killed myself, or if it was Epemirial… Judging by the symbol on the dagger and the fact that it was the same one that she had used to kill her mortal self and return to godhood, Aperio was leaning towards this being her own idea. But why did I do it in my temple? And why is she here?
Epemirial did not seem surprised to see the All-Mother like this, but neither was there anything that would indicate she had been the one responsible. It would not make sense if she was the one that did it. Even lying there with the dagger embedded in her chest, the memory of the All-Mother was beyond the Goddess of Duty and Loss.
Aperio tried to find any other detail that might help her explain why this had happened. A surge of anger flowed through her, causing the nothing of her Void to seep into the memory crystals a little further. If they would not volunteer what she wanted to know; she would take it.
She did not know how the crystals worked, but neither did she care. They held the answer she had been searching for for so long and she would not be denied; could not be denied. This was her creation, and it would tell her what she wanted to know.
Another flex of her mental muscles shattered the crystals, each fragment fading into the black nothing of her Void as the memories they contained slowly floated into her own mind. She had to see — had to know — why she had given herself over to a life as a slave.
Aperio tried her best to ignore the voices that started to spread through the courtroom, still wishing they would just be silent like she wanted them to be. Instead, she wrapped her wing around Caethya to pull the woman closer before placing her on her lap. The All-Mother slung her arms across her disciple’s stomach, holding her as tight as she dared as she set to unravelling the memories she had taken from the crystals.
It was not too dissimilar from getting her own memories back from the dungeon. These were simply not her own and did not want to become part of her. That did not stop Aperio from taking them anyway. She did not truly know how she could view the memories, but a tiny voice at the back of her mind told her that she could. That she only needed to want it.
Aperio wanted to know; wanted to know more than most anything else in her life. The only thing more important to her right now was her relationship with her disciple, but Caethya would see what she saw. Caethya would understand. She wants to know too.
Asking the Demigoddess for permission had become second nature by now, an act that Aperio had not spared much thought for but still deemed essential. There was no argument from Caethya, the Elf probably understanding just how desperately Aperio needed to know this crucial bit of information.
With an inaudible crack, the last of the crystal pieces shattered, reduced to fine dust that slowly drifted towards the All-Mother. Aperio closed her eyes, viewing the crystal dust with her aura alone. She did not want the distraction of actually seeing the chaos that was slowly unfolding in the courtroom. Her aura would still show her what was happening, sure, but she had gotten good enough at ignoring her magical senses that it was not too much of a burden.
Instead of giving the Accused and the witnesses any more mind, the All-Mother focused on guiding the physical remains of the memories to their new home. A new crystal comprised of all the others. A Nexus of memory. There was no real reason as to why she formed them into a crystal again, just a feeling that it was the right thing to do and, by now, Aperio knew that her instincts were usually correct about such things.
She was the one who had made Souls — gave them the ability to remember — so she should know how to get the mess in front of her sorted. Just that I don't know but only feel. In the end, it did not matter how her goal was achieved as long as she could finally see the reason why she had died. Why she had to live a life as a tortured Soul.
Aperio took a deep breath, relaxing slightly at the somehow calm voice of her disciple that entered her mind and told her it would be fine. Caethya no longer tried to tell her to stop. Probably because I am no longer trying to bring silence to all. That had been a lapse in judgement on her part. She had given in to an illogical want that could have changed much more than she could probably think of. Or am comfortable with.
Luckily for her creation, the desire to silence it all had vanished nearly as quickly as it had come, replaced by the burning desire to retrieve the memories stored in the crystal that slowly took shape according to her will. There was no clear picture of it in her mind; not even an idea of how it should look, and yet, reality seemed to know what she wanted to happen.
With the strange reversed sound of glass breaking, the final piece of the crystal assembled itself. A small ripple that Aperio was fairly sure only she could see followed its creation. With a thought, the crystal moved closer to Caethya and herself and, with another flex of her mental muscles, she let her mana flow around and into it like Moria had shown her before.
The memories that entered her mind were clearer this time; closer to what she was used to by now. Each of the Accused provided a viewpoint and thoughts for every scene she saw, from Lor'Kem's smug superiority that he believed he could somehow take her place to Epemirial's schemes that had remained unseen via the method the Judges had used.
For a moment she considered if they had tried to hide this from her, but she instinctively doubted that was the case. Why would they? She could not think of a good reason why they should, but then, she could also not think of many good reasons why Epemirial and most of the Elder Gods had betrayed her. Besides just being stupid and full of themselves.
A mental twist caused the memories of the Accused to speed by, nothing they revealed to her right now worth her time. She wanted to know why she had killed herself; why Epemirial was there to see it. Maybe so they believe I am dead?
The flood of memories halted with a thought from the All-Mother. A meeting between Epemirial and her own daughter was not something Aperio had thought she would find. The magic of her disciple that danced around her increased a little, Caethya undoubtedly noticing the flare of her aura at the sight. Why?
"What do you want?" Ferio asked, not even turning to look at the Goddess of Duty and Loss. "I have little time for people like you."
"I have merely come to deliver a message," Epemirial said. "Change is coming. We have lived under your mother’s heel for too long." The Goddess of Duty and Loss paused briefly, taking a step closer. "We understand that you are not as close to the All-Mother as some people assume, and would like to offer you an invitation to join us."
"Join a bunch of traitors and leeches?" Ferio snapped, turning around to face Epemirial. "What makes you think I would want that? How do you even plan on getting out underneath my mother's 'heel'?" She gestured at her surroundings. "She made all of this. She made you."
"We have our ways," Epemirial replied. "Your mother is far from omnipotent, and she knows that as well as we do. She bleeds, so she can die."
The Goddess of Life and Light simply stared at Epemirial in response, seemingly not quite sure if she heard correctly. "You know that she cannot die, right?" she finally asked, each word slow and deliberate so the other Goddess would not misunderstand. "Even if you kill her body, she is the world we live in; the magic we use."
"Of course you would believe those lies; you are her daughter, after all." The disgust in Epemirial's voice was obvious, the Goddess likely only having extended the invitation because Ferio was a Goddess of high stature.
Why would she think that would ever work? Aperio would be lying if she said she did not consider the fact that Ferio might have betrayed her, but a larger part of her had always known that would not happen. They might not get along that well, but Aperio would not betray her family and she was certain Ferio would not either.
"If she does not want to go," Ferio said, squinting at Epemirial, "she will not go. It's as simple as that."
"What she wants does not matter," the Goddess of Duty and Loss replied. "And neither does what you think of our work. You will see the light like all the others."
Her daughter did not reply, simply giving a huff and disappearing in a small flash of red light. Ferio was quickly replaced by Lor'Kem, his view of the memory seamlessly entering Aperio's mind. And they both think they will be the one to rule…
That was the most prevalent thought both deities had on their mind. They wanted to rule over her creation. Alone. Both saw the other as a means to an end; something that had obviously not played out as they expected. Ferio was right: I cannot die.
With a thought, the memories sped up again. Just like a record player… How that worked, Aperio was not quite sure. The memories inside the crystal seemed to lazily swim inside the mana and she simply manipulated it. If only I could get my memories back this easily…
The next time she found a stray dungeon hoarding her memories, she would have to try using her Void to disassemble it. If that was possible, she might be able to actually remember and not just feed her mind more bits and pieces of ethereal knowledge.
A thought from Caethya that was accompanied by a gentle tap on Aperio's arm caused the All-Mother to halt her rapid viewing of the memories. Her disciple had found something that she had missed — a memory that was still fractured.
The mana that resided within did not belong to Epemirial or any of the Accused, but instead herself. How? Aperio wondered as she tugged at the bit of mana with a thought, trying to view it in the swirl of past events from the other deities.
Realisation dawned on her as she found another fragment of what she could only describe as her own memory. Their seeds… It was the only explanation that made sense to her. When she had killed Vigil and Inanis, she had regained a part of her memory that had been hidden inside their [Seed of Divinity]. If all the Elder Gods have one…
Aperio held Caethya a little tighter as she mentally sifted through every speck of mana she had bound into the crystal, trying to find those that belonged to her. While she was doing that, she could not help but take a peek at the fragments she had already found; only to tilt her head in confusion at what she saw.
It was herself. Standing not in the black nothing of her Void but an endless plain of smooth, black glass, the edges of which seemed to be continuously breaking and floating into the sky where they met an equally endless plain of yet more shiny obsidian with yet another version of herself standing on it.
The fragment of herself flickered back and forth, saying something she could not yet understand. It seemed like an argument with herself, an endless dialogue the purpose of which Aperio could not yet discern. Reasons to leave? To stay?
With every piece of her own memory Aperio found in the crystal, the memory of herself in the sea of polished obsidian grew more and more clear; the words she spoke were more distinct. It was not an argument like she had thought, nor a debate over what she should do. It was a message — fragmented and unclear for now — but a message nonetheless.
I knew . It had always been the most obvious answer to the question of how she could die, one that had only ever been made more clear with every bit of information she had gathered. Now though, Aperio had proof. Proof that she could view, if only she could find the last few pieces that were missing.
This answer did raise a new question, however. One she was quite certain she knew the answer to already. Why are these memories linked to their divinity? To Aperio, the obvious answer was that her past self had planned this part. Made it so she would have to remind herself of what they had done before she could remember who she was. A wake-up call…
If that had been her plan, it had worked. While she had despised the Repens Nabu, what she saw in the memories — still witnessed right this moment — all but sealed their fates. None of them would be permitted to live upon her creation once she was done. They would die and a new age would begin; one free of their pointless feuds and wars.
The anger that had been so helpfully absent for the past little while was back, strong enough that a thought was spared to make sure none of the Accused would talk, breathe or even move while she was busy. They would not die — Yet — but neither did they deserve the comforts of life anymore. They could sit there and wither for however long it took her to piece her own memory back together.
No matter how many fragments Aperio found, there always seemed to be something missing. Just that little bit extra she would need to finally understand what her past self had been trying to tell her with this memory.
The raising voices echoing through the courtroom were ignored as Aperio weaved yet another piece into the tapestry of her memory. So close. She could feel the memory growing more complete, could see that the last gaps in the weave of her past draw closer and closer together before they finally closed with a silent yet indescribably loud sound that Aperio could not place.
It was unlikely anything she had heard before and did not come from any single source. An omnipresent ringing of her ears that was louder than anything else she heard but somehow only underlining the shouts of the people in the Court.
The All-Mother closed her eyes, taking a breath and drawing on her Void as she tried to bring back the blessed silence that had started all of this — embrace the peace and quiet of the nothing.
When she opened her eyes again, Aperio was greeted by her own self staring at her as they both stood in the infinite, yet somehow breaking, sea of black glass. The Aperio from the memory smiled, almost as if she could see her current self. Her expression widened as Caethya appeared next to her, realty twisting and bending to allow the Demigoddess of Creation entry into the endless finite space.
Before Aperio could open her mouth to even voice a single one of her thoughts, her memory self raised a hand that caused the infinite expanse of bounded glass to turn into a liquid beneath their feet.
The sharp waves raged for but a moment before they returned to the calm they were before, building an impossibly smooth surface that only broke at the edges of her perception, flowing upwards into the perfect copy of the current space.
When Aperio looked back up, she was greeted not by one but a multitude of herself, all of whom were staring directly at her.
The All-Mother reached for the armlet on her right bicep, the motion mirrored by every version of herself. She did not know why or how, but it was the right thing to do. The only thing she had to do.
A slight tug was all she needed to remove the metal from her arm, the gap that had formed so she could pull it off immediately closing again. She let go as the version of her past did too, wrapping a wing around Caethya to stop her from trying to catch the armlet.
With vibrations filling the endless sea, akin to a giant musical instrument having plucked a string at a pitch that was both too high and too low to be heard, Aperio felt a small change within herself. The tiniest of adjustments to the mana flowing through every fiber of her body. A change that somehow brought a completeness to her being that was only able to be matched by the Elf at her side.
"Welcome back," the first of her memory selves said, offering Aperio a small smile.
GamingWolf
If you like the story, do leave a rating. If you really like it, please write a review!
Want to chat? Join the Discord. Want to read ahead or get some Side Stories? Check out the Patreon.
Aperio wanted to pluck the dagger from herself in the memory and helpfully relocate it into Epemirial heart. If she even has one. Luckily for the Goddess of Duty and Loss, the All-Mother was not able to do that. Of course, nothing stopped her from recreating the dagger and using it to kill her, but Aperio held herself back. For now. There was still one more thing she needed to know.
The memory she had witnessed up until now told her what had happened — to a degree at least — but not why . And I still don't know if I killed myself, or if it was Epemirial… Judging by the symbol on the dagger and the fact that it was the same one that she had used to kill her mortal self and return to godhood, Aperio was leaning towards this being her own idea. But why did I do it in my temple? And why is she here?
Epemirial did not seem surprised to see the All-Mother like this, but neither was there anything that would indicate she had been the one responsible. It would not make sense if she was the one that did it. Even lying there with the dagger embedded in her chest, the memory of the All-Mother was beyond the Goddess of Duty and Loss.
Aperio tried to find any other detail that might help her explain why this had happened. A surge of anger flowed through her, causing the nothing of her Void to seep into the memory crystals a little further. If they would not volunteer what she wanted to know; she would take it.
She did not know how the crystals worked, but neither did she care. They held the answer she had been searching for for so long and she would not be denied; could not be denied. This was her creation, and it would tell her what she wanted to know.
Another flex of her mental muscles shattered the crystals, each fragment fading into the black nothing of her Void as the memories they contained slowly floated into her own mind. She had to see — had to know — why she had given herself over to a life as a slave.
Aperio tried her best to ignore the voices that started to spread through the courtroom, still wishing they would just be silent like she wanted them to be. Instead, she wrapped her wing around Caethya to pull the woman closer before placing her on her lap. The All-Mother slung her arms across her disciple’s stomach, holding her as tight as she dared as she set to unravelling the memories she had taken from the crystals.
It was not too dissimilar from getting her own memories back from the dungeon. These were simply not her own and did not want to become part of her. That did not stop Aperio from taking them anyway. She did not truly know how she could view the memories, but a tiny voice at the back of her mind told her that she could. That she only needed to want it.
Aperio wanted to know; wanted to know more than most anything else in her life. The only thing more important to her right now was her relationship with her disciple, but Caethya would see what she saw. Caethya would understand. She wants to know too.
Asking the Demigoddess for permission had become second nature by now, an act that Aperio had not spared much thought for but still deemed essential. There was no argument from Caethya, the Elf probably understanding just how desperately Aperio needed to know this crucial bit of information.
With an inaudible crack, the last of the crystal pieces shattered, reduced to fine dust that slowly drifted towards the All-Mother. Aperio closed her eyes, viewing the crystal dust with her aura alone. She did not want the distraction of actually seeing the chaos that was slowly unfolding in the courtroom. Her aura would still show her what was happening, sure, but she had gotten good enough at ignoring her magical senses that it was not too much of a burden.
Instead of giving the Accused and the witnesses any more mind, the All-Mother focused on guiding the physical remains of the memories to their new home. A new crystal comprised of all the others. A Nexus of memory. There was no real reason as to why she formed them into a crystal again, just a feeling that it was the right thing to do and, by now, Aperio knew that her instincts were usually correct about such things.
She was the one who had made Souls — gave them the ability to remember — so she should know how to get the mess in front of her sorted. Just that I don't know but only feel. In the end, it did not matter how her goal was achieved as long as she could finally see the reason why she had died. Why she had to live a life as a tortured Soul.
Aperio took a deep breath, relaxing slightly at the somehow calm voice of her disciple that entered her mind and told her it would be fine. Caethya no longer tried to tell her to stop. Probably because I am no longer trying to bring silence to all. That had been a lapse in judgement on her part. She had given in to an illogical want that could have changed much more than she could probably think of. Or am comfortable with.
Luckily for her creation, the desire to silence it all had vanished nearly as quickly as it had come, replaced by the burning desire to retrieve the memories stored in the crystal that slowly took shape according to her will. There was no clear picture of it in her mind; not even an idea of how it should look, and yet, reality seemed to know what she wanted to happen.
With the strange reversed sound of glass breaking, the final piece of the crystal assembled itself. A small ripple that Aperio was fairly sure only she could see followed its creation. With a thought, the crystal moved closer to Caethya and herself and, with another flex of her mental muscles, she let her mana flow around and into it like Moria had shown her before.
The memories that entered her mind were clearer this time; closer to what she was used to by now. Each of the Accused provided a viewpoint and thoughts for every scene she saw, from Lor'Kem's smug superiority that he believed he could somehow take her place to Epemirial's schemes that had remained unseen via the method the Judges had used.
For a moment she considered if they had tried to hide this from her, but she instinctively doubted that was the case. Why would they? She could not think of a good reason why they should, but then, she could also not think of many good reasons why Epemirial and most of the Elder Gods had betrayed her. Besides just being stupid and full of themselves.
A mental twist caused the memories of the Accused to speed by, nothing they revealed to her right now worth her time. She wanted to know why she had killed herself; why Epemirial was there to see it. Maybe so they believe I am dead?
The flood of memories halted with a thought from the All-Mother. A meeting between Epemirial and her own daughter was not something Aperio had thought she would find. The magic of her disciple that danced around her increased a little, Caethya undoubtedly noticing the flare of her aura at the sight. Why?
"What do you want?" Ferio asked, not even turning to look at the Goddess of Duty and Loss. "I have little time for people like you."
"I have merely come to deliver a message," Epemirial said. "Change is coming. We have lived under your mother’s heel for too long." The Goddess of Duty and Loss paused briefly, taking a step closer. "We understand that you are not as close to the All-Mother as some people assume, and would like to offer you an invitation to join us."
"Join a bunch of traitors and leeches?" Ferio snapped, turning around to face Epemirial. "What makes you think I would want that? How do you even plan on getting out underneath my mother's 'heel'?" She gestured at her surroundings. "She made all of this. She made you."
"We have our ways," Epemirial replied. "Your mother is far from omnipotent, and she knows that as well as we do. She bleeds, so she can die."
The Goddess of Life and Light simply stared at Epemirial in response, seemingly not quite sure if she heard correctly. "You know that she cannot die, right?" she finally asked, each word slow and deliberate so the other Goddess would not misunderstand. "Even if you kill her body, she is the world we live in; the magic we use."
"Of course you would believe those lies; you are her daughter, after all." The disgust in Epemirial's voice was obvious, the Goddess likely only having extended the invitation because Ferio was a Goddess of high stature.
Why would she think that would ever work? Aperio would be lying if she said she did not consider the fact that Ferio might have betrayed her, but a larger part of her had always known that would not happen. They might not get along that well, but Aperio would not betray her family and she was certain Ferio would not either.
"If she does not want to go," Ferio said, squinting at Epemirial, "she will not go. It's as simple as that."
"What she wants does not matter," the Goddess of Duty and Loss replied. "And neither does what you think of our work. You will see the light like all the others."
Her daughter did not reply, simply giving a huff and disappearing in a small flash of red light. Ferio was quickly replaced by Lor'Kem, his view of the memory seamlessly entering Aperio's mind. And they both think they will be the one to rule…
That was the most prevalent thought both deities had on their mind. They wanted to rule over her creation. Alone. Both saw the other as a means to an end; something that had obviously not played out as they expected. Ferio was right: I cannot die.
With a thought, the memories sped up again. Just like a record player… How that worked, Aperio was not quite sure. The memories inside the crystal seemed to lazily swim inside the mana and she simply manipulated it. If only I could get my memories back this easily…
The next time she found a stray dungeon hoarding her memories, she would have to try using her Void to disassemble it. If that was possible, she might be able to actually remember and not just feed her mind more bits and pieces of ethereal knowledge.
A thought from Caethya that was accompanied by a gentle tap on Aperio's arm caused the All-Mother to halt her rapid viewing of the memories. Her disciple had found something that she had missed — a memory that was still fractured.
The mana that resided within did not belong to Epemirial or any of the Accused, but instead herself. How? Aperio wondered as she tugged at the bit of mana with a thought, trying to view it in the swirl of past events from the other deities.
Realisation dawned on her as she found another fragment of what she could only describe as her own memory. Their seeds… It was the only explanation that made sense to her. When she had killed Vigil and Inanis, she had regained a part of her memory that had been hidden inside their [Seed of Divinity]. If all the Elder Gods have one…
Aperio held Caethya a little tighter as she mentally sifted through every speck of mana she had bound into the crystal, trying to find those that belonged to her. While she was doing that, she could not help but take a peek at the fragments she had already found; only to tilt her head in confusion at what she saw.
It was herself. Standing not in the black nothing of her Void but an endless plain of smooth, black glass, the edges of which seemed to be continuously breaking and floating into the sky where they met an equally endless plain of yet more shiny obsidian with yet another version of herself standing on it.
The fragment of herself flickered back and forth, saying something she could not yet understand. It seemed like an argument with herself, an endless dialogue the purpose of which Aperio could not yet discern. Reasons to leave? To stay?
With every piece of her own memory Aperio found in the crystal, the memory of herself in the sea of polished obsidian grew more and more clear; the words she spoke were more distinct. It was not an argument like she had thought, nor a debate over what she should do. It was a message — fragmented and unclear for now — but a message nonetheless.
I knew . It had always been the most obvious answer to the question of how she could die, one that had only ever been made more clear with every bit of information she had gathered. Now though, Aperio had proof. Proof that she could view, if only she could find the last few pieces that were missing.
This answer did raise a new question, however. One she was quite certain she knew the answer to already. Why are these memories linked to their divinity? To Aperio, the obvious answer was that her past self had planned this part. Made it so she would have to remind herself of what they had done before she could remember who she was. A wake-up call…
If that had been her plan, it had worked. While she had despised the Repens Nabu, what she saw in the memories — still witnessed right this moment — all but sealed their fates. None of them would be permitted to live upon her creation once she was done. They would die and a new age would begin; one free of their pointless feuds and wars.
The anger that had been so helpfully absent for the past little while was back, strong enough that a thought was spared to make sure none of the Accused would talk, breathe or even move while she was busy. They would not die — Yet — but neither did they deserve the comforts of life anymore. They could sit there and wither for however long it took her to piece her own memory back together.
No matter how many fragments Aperio found, there always seemed to be something missing. Just that little bit extra she would need to finally understand what her past self had been trying to tell her with this memory.
The raising voices echoing through the courtroom were ignored as Aperio weaved yet another piece into the tapestry of her memory. So close. She could feel the memory growing more complete, could see that the last gaps in the weave of her past draw closer and closer together before they finally closed with a silent yet indescribably loud sound that Aperio could not place.
It was unlikely anything she had heard before and did not come from any single source. An omnipresent ringing of her ears that was louder than anything else she heard but somehow only underlining the shouts of the people in the Court.
The All-Mother closed her eyes, taking a breath and drawing on her Void as she tried to bring back the blessed silence that had started all of this — embrace the peace and quiet of the nothing.
When she opened her eyes again, Aperio was greeted by her own self staring at her as they both stood in the infinite, yet somehow breaking, sea of black glass. The Aperio from the memory smiled, almost as if she could see her current self. Her expression widened as Caethya appeared next to her, realty twisting and bending to allow the Demigoddess of Creation entry into the endless finite space.
Before Aperio could open her mouth to even voice a single one of her thoughts, her memory self raised a hand that caused the infinite expanse of bounded glass to turn into a liquid beneath their feet.
The sharp waves raged for but a moment before they returned to the calm they were before, building an impossibly smooth surface that only broke at the edges of her perception, flowing upwards into the perfect copy of the current space.
When Aperio looked back up, she was greeted not by one but a multitude of herself, all of whom were staring directly at her.
The All-Mother reached for the armlet on her right bicep, the motion mirrored by every version of herself. She did not know why or how, but it was the right thing to do. The only thing she had to do.
A slight tug was all she needed to remove the metal from her arm, the gap that had formed so she could pull it off immediately closing again. She let go as the version of her past did too, wrapping a wing around Caethya to stop her from trying to catch the armlet.
With vibrations filling the endless sea, akin to a giant musical instrument having plucked a string at a pitch that was both too high and too low to be heard, Aperio felt a small change within herself. The tiniest of adjustments to the mana flowing through every fiber of her body. A change that somehow brought a completeness to her being that was only able to be matched by the Elf at her side.
"Welcome back," the first of her memory selves said, offering Aperio a small smile.
GamingWolf
If you like the story, do leave a rating. If you really like it, please write a review!
Want to chat? Join the Discord. Want to read ahead or get some Side Stories? Check out the Patreon.
