“The who?” Tybalt demanded. Sally snorted.
“The old Queen Eliza.”
“I heard you the first time! What in the hells are you talking about?!”
My instincts were kicking in again and I was trying to make myself smaller. “Please don’t yell…” I managed quietly. Sabine stepped forward and grabbed Tybalt by the collar again.
“Calm yourself, Tybalt. Or I’ll calm you myself.”
Kazumi had already set herself up between us, hissing softly and holding her knife that kept appearing out of nowhere whenever she saw me being threatened. Her loyalty was incredibly touching, and I made a mental note to thank her later.
“Why are you talking about the Demon Queen like…”
I sighed, and wiped my nose on my sleeve. “She’s dead, Tybalt.”
“She’s… you’re…. What?”
“I’m not the original queen, Tybalt. I’m like…” I nudged my head at Sally. “I’m like her.”
“Wait, you mean you’re stuck in someone else’s body?”
I shrugged. “I suppose. I mean… it’s not being used?”
“So you’re not the Demon Queen Eliza?”
Sabine rolled her eyes and I could tell she was keeping herself from giving Tybalt a thwack upside the head. “She’s not, Tybalt. That’s what she’s telling you.”
“But then why not… why not call off the war?”
That was actually a good question, and one I was sure I’d had for myself, but I’d forgotten the answer, until Kazumi spoke up.
“And what?” she hissed. “Just keep all of us ‘monsters’ out again? Why do you think we joined forces in the first place, human.”
I’d never heard her speak with such venom before (no pun intended). She seemed genuinely upset, and I couldn’t blame her. The ‘Monstrous races’, the Orc, all of them had joined the demon queen with good reason. I could never have just rolled over and let things go back to the status quo. Going by Tybalt’s shameful shuffling, he agreed, and I knew Sabine did too. The Demon Queen had been an evil, and the world was clearly a better place without her, but some of the people who’d joined her side had clearly joined in the hope of enacting real, necessary change.
There was a moment of silence, the only real noise Sally’s tail swishing back and forth, its sharp tip cleaving the air with a soft whistle.
“None of that leaves this room, all right?” Sabine said, which I thought was a little ironic since I’d just doubled the amount of people who knew my secret. On the other hand, this was the easiest way to keep them from going crazy over the loss of Daniel.
“He’s really gone, then?” Lillian asked.
Sabine nodded and sat down on the table as well, looking over at Sally. She gave an apologetic look.
“Sorry I’m not him,” she said. “I tried.”
“We know,” Lily said and tried to smile. It wasn’t a very good smile. Sabine went over to console her, but Lillian was still wearing her holy armor. They stood in front of each other for a moment, both clearly wanting to hold someone, but incapable of doing so, without going through the awkward process of completely stripping Lillian here and now, which seemed like the wrong place and time, all things considered. The paladin did take off her gauntlet and reached out. Sabine softly touched her hand.
“You’re cold,” Lillian said.
“I’m sorry.”
It was awkward for a few moments. Sabine joined Lillian and Tybalt on the way back to the camp. They decided to hold a wake that night, in the camp. I saw the fire from the walls of Whitehallow keep. Daniel had been a well-loved man, and many soldiers apparently joined in. I don’t know what Sabine told everyone present, but it was clear there was no hostility. Perhaps Daniel had died of natural causes. Nobody would notice another ‘monster’ in the Demon Queen’s entourage. She stood on the ramparts with me and looked down at the bonfire.
“They really loved him, didn’t they?” Sally asked.
“Yeah. He was the Hero of Eferton.”
There was a moment of silence.
“Why doesn’t it bother you? All this? Alien world, alien body? You seem like you’re doing fine, right?” She looked over at me.
I nodded and shrugged. “I just played the game.”
“The WHAT?!”
Oops.
“I -- I thought you knew,” I stammered.
She hopped onto the part of the wall I only found out a few days prior were known as merlons, clearly not so much bothered as perplexed.
“Knew what, Liz?”
“You’re calling me…”
“All the cool kids are doing it,” she grinned. “Thought I knew what?”
“This whole world,” I waved across the horizon. “It’s all a video game, back home.”
She held up her hands as she jumped up, completely unbothered by the height. “Hold up. You’re saying we’re in a video game?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I don’t know if the game is based on the world, or the other way around, or if they just happen to exist at the same time. But Daniel, the Hero of Eferton? He’s a character from a game I played, a while ago.”
“Woah,” she said, as she walked along the battlements, balancing herself. “That’s fucking crazy. So like…”
She paused.
“You were a guy, right? Back then? Because I sure as hell didn’t jump in front of a truck for a ten foot tall hottie.”
Oh no.
“I’m… I don’t… I just…”
She paused and jumped down, looked at me with her hands on her hips. “You’re upset.”
I looked at her. I didn’t know. Why would I be upset? She was right, and there wasn’t anything real for me to be upset about. So why couldn’t I answer her?
“I gotchu, boo,” she said. “Whatever you were then, you didn’t feel what I felt when I got to this side, did you? Felt right, like slipping into comfortable pants after wearing something much too tight for a while?”
I nodded. That was… not inaccurate. I’d never been very happy before, but most people I knew weren’t. Besides, most people didn’t feel that good in their skin. Why did becoming Queen Eliza feel that much like… well, slipping into sweatpants? And how did she get that? She looked at me with a thoughtful, understanding expression, nodding softly.
“Yeah, that’s how I felt, when I woke up on that table, Lizzie. Whatever skin-suit you were wearing before, it sure as fuck didn’t fit you like this one does.” She made a show of looking me up and down and whistling. “Boy-howdy does it ever fucking fit you.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was still hung up on what she’d said about the body not fitting before. She hadn’t been wrong, I just hadn’t been aware it wasn’t, well, normal. But if she felt the same relief earlier as I’d felt when I came to this world… had my old body really been… I remembered how she looked when she’d attacked me. That pain… I mean… I’d hated the way I looked before too. But was it that same pain?
She clearly saw I was struggling with things. She walked over and tried to pat me on the back, but just gently slapped my ass. We both laughed at the absurdity, and I sat down against the ramparts, music rising up from the camp behind us.
“You’re going to be okay, Eliza. If you’re happier now than you were back then, then this is who you are, alright?”
“Okay,” I conceded. “You sound like you know what you’re talking about.”
She snorted. “Slander. I have no idea what the fuck is going on.”
I laughed. “I’ve got some clue, at least.”
She looked up at me with a raised eyebrow.
“So like, what’s this world like?”
“Fuck, Sally, where to begin? I mean, you’ve been here a while.”
“I’ve been distracted.”
“Well, uh… It’s uh… a bit of generic fantasy. Some fantasy racism. They don’t do skin-colour racism, far as I can tell.”
“Hashtag notalldemons?”
“You’re one of us now. You’re going to be representing all of your kind in every interaction.”
She shrugged. “What else is new. Do they even have running water?”
“You’re lucky to have a toilet. I’ve been trying to get them installed everywhere.”
“Oh my god, really?”
“Apparently the old queen used to magic her nose shut.”
“No fucking way,” she giggled.
We both laughed. We needed a laugh. If I was honest with myself, all we were missing was a prop. A cigarette to pass back and forth. A beer. A football to toss between us. We were both out of our world, and trying to make sense of it, and there was a genuine connection because of it. It was weird to be able to talk to someone from back home. Hell, to feel like I wasn’t just ‘crazy and playing along’. Sally here made everything feel a bit more real, and made me feel like my efforts to make this world a better place more… worth it. More impactful.
“What’s the best thing you’ve found here?”
I had to think about that. The food had been fine. A bit bland. The beds were nice, but nothing new. The magic was interesting, but also not taking any medals home.
“The people,” I concluded. “There’s some good people here.”
“You mean, like, your girlfriends?” She grinned at me sideways, all pointy teeth and no mercy for my fragile heart.
“I… what? What do you…”
“Oh my god, you’re one of those.”
“One of what?”
“Never mind, Lizzie, you’re cool.”
Something about the way she said ‘Lizzie’ was off. I couldn’t tell if she’d said ‘Li’ or ‘Le’. I decided not to get into it.
“Fuck, I’m just glad to hear someone call something cool. I just want to be able to tell someone I need a moment to chill, you know?”
“Might I have a moment of repose, milady?” she said in an overly posh accent, with a slight giggle. “What do you do around here, anyway? Whitehallow is beautiful, but I can imagine it gets boring.”
“I’m pretty much still the queen. I’m trying to make that work. You know, do some good around here.”
She nodded. “Respect. Fight institutionalized discrimination and stuff? Fuck yeah.”
A few minutes of silence. We were enjoying the quiet as much as each other's company.
“What do you miss the most?” she asked.
“Jeez, that’s… Oof.”
“Okay, I’ll make it easier. What food do you miss the most? If you had to pick something?”
I rubbed my face while I thought. There was so much food they’d had back home they didn’t have here. Food from all over the world. All-American pizza. Italian pasta. So many curries. I missed the spices I used to have, I used to love cooking. I thought back to the Chinese place around the corner, where I used to order just three plates of dumplings and then go home. The French cuisine restaurant I went to exactly once, with my old boss. But all of it paled in comparison to what I missed most.
“This is going to sound weird, but…”
“Hit me, I’m sure mine is weirder,” she said with a smirk.
“I really miss boxed Mac and Cheese.”
“The really chemical stuff?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Salty and savoury. Tastes like when I was a kid, you know?”
“Yeah, no, that actually makes sense. But no, that’s not me.”
“All right then,” I said, crossing my arms. “What’s yours?”
“Street food. Hands down. Falafel, wrap, pizza, don’t care. Shitty street food is better back home than good food is here.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re not wrong. I miss tacos.”
“Fuuuuck, me too.”
I paused. “Do you think we could just… make tacos? Like, invent them?”
She grinned. “I have no idea how they’re made. You think they’d let us google it?”
We both giggled in the warm evening air. We sat there for a few minutes, quietly enjoying the sounds of the wake, the smell of the wake drifting up to where we were. We did have to find some clothes for Sally and I sent her ahead. I was going to enjoy the night just a little bit longer before I went downstairs. Tonight felt like a good night, all things considered. Something to remember. Smoke wisped up at the clear night sky, and when I closed my eyes I realized that, despite everything Sally and I had just talked about…
I didn’t really miss home.
Elamimax Hey y'all.
Everything has been a bit hectic, lately. There's a global pandemic, everything is scary, and, if you're smart, you're a little scared. And that's okay. I know I am. But I just want to tell everyone how grateful I am for the continued readership I've had, through this and other stories.
But things have been... not great, on my end. Writing has been hard (don't worry, I have at least 16 chapters already finished, so I'm not going to stop updating any time soon), and that's largely because I've been under a lot of stress. Not just because of the virus, although that obviously plays into it. The problem is that I was hoping for a transfer that would get me through the month that got delayed by an entire month. I'm having trouble putting food on the table.
So I'm asking - and there's no judgement if the answer is simply no - if you have anything to spare. My paypal link is below. Even the smallest amount could buy me food to make it another couple of days. Things will get better, I know it. But right now I need help, which is why I'm asking for it.
Thank you again for reading, it means the world to me.
“The who?” Tybalt demanded. Sally snorted.
“The old Queen Eliza.”
“I heard you the first time! What in the hells are you talking about?!”
My instincts were kicking in again and I was trying to make myself smaller. “Please don’t yell…” I managed quietly. Sabine stepped forward and grabbed Tybalt by the collar again.
“Calm yourself, Tybalt. Or I’ll calm you myself.”
Kazumi had already set herself up between us, hissing softly and holding her knife that kept appearing out of nowhere whenever she saw me being threatened. Her loyalty was incredibly touching, and I made a mental note to thank her later.
“Why are you talking about the Demon Queen like…”
I sighed, and wiped my nose on my sleeve. “She’s dead, Tybalt.”
“She’s… you’re…. What?”
“I’m not the original queen, Tybalt. I’m like…” I nudged my head at Sally. “I’m like her.”
“Wait, you mean you’re stuck in someone else’s body?”
I shrugged. “I suppose. I mean… it’s not being used?”
“So you’re not the Demon Queen Eliza?”
Sabine rolled her eyes and I could tell she was keeping herself from giving Tybalt a thwack upside the head. “She’s not, Tybalt. That’s what she’s telling you.”
“But then why not… why not call off the war?”
That was actually a good question, and one I was sure I’d had for myself, but I’d forgotten the answer, until Kazumi spoke up.
“And what?” she hissed. “Just keep all of us ‘monsters’ out again? Why do you think we joined forces in the first place, human.”
I’d never heard her speak with such venom before (no pun intended). She seemed genuinely upset, and I couldn’t blame her. The ‘Monstrous races’, the Orc, all of them had joined the demon queen with good reason. I could never have just rolled over and let things go back to the status quo. Going by Tybalt’s shameful shuffling, he agreed, and I knew Sabine did too. The Demon Queen had been an evil, and the world was clearly a better place without her, but some of the people who’d joined her side had clearly joined in the hope of enacting real, necessary change.
There was a moment of silence, the only real noise Sally’s tail swishing back and forth, its sharp tip cleaving the air with a soft whistle.
“None of that leaves this room, all right?” Sabine said, which I thought was a little ironic since I’d just doubled the amount of people who knew my secret. On the other hand, this was the easiest way to keep them from going crazy over the loss of Daniel.
“He’s really gone, then?” Lillian asked.
Sabine nodded and sat down on the table as well, looking over at Sally. She gave an apologetic look.
“Sorry I’m not him,” she said. “I tried.”
“We know,” Lily said and tried to smile. It wasn’t a very good smile. Sabine went over to console her, but Lillian was still wearing her holy armor. They stood in front of each other for a moment, both clearly wanting to hold someone, but incapable of doing so, without going through the awkward process of completely stripping Lillian here and now, which seemed like the wrong place and time, all things considered. The paladin did take off her gauntlet and reached out. Sabine softly touched her hand.
“You’re cold,” Lillian said.
“I’m sorry.”
It was awkward for a few moments. Sabine joined Lillian and Tybalt on the way back to the camp. They decided to hold a wake that night, in the camp. I saw the fire from the walls of Whitehallow keep. Daniel had been a well-loved man, and many soldiers apparently joined in. I don’t know what Sabine told everyone present, but it was clear there was no hostility. Perhaps Daniel had died of natural causes. Nobody would notice another ‘monster’ in the Demon Queen’s entourage. She stood on the ramparts with me and looked down at the bonfire.
“They really loved him, didn’t they?” Sally asked.
“Yeah. He was the Hero of Eferton.”
There was a moment of silence.
“Why doesn’t it bother you? All this? Alien world, alien body? You seem like you’re doing fine, right?” She looked over at me.
I nodded and shrugged. “I just played the game.”
“The WHAT?!”
Oops.
“I -- I thought you knew,” I stammered.
She hopped onto the part of the wall I only found out a few days prior were known as merlons, clearly not so much bothered as perplexed.
“Knew what, Liz?”
“You’re calling me…”
“All the cool kids are doing it,” she grinned. “Thought I knew what?”
“This whole world,” I waved across the horizon. “It’s all a video game, back home.”
She held up her hands as she jumped up, completely unbothered by the height. “Hold up. You’re saying we’re in a video game?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I don’t know if the game is based on the world, or the other way around, or if they just happen to exist at the same time. But Daniel, the Hero of Eferton? He’s a character from a game I played, a while ago.”
“Woah,” she said, as she walked along the battlements, balancing herself. “That’s fucking crazy. So like…”
She paused.
“You were a guy, right? Back then? Because I sure as hell didn’t jump in front of a truck for a ten foot tall hottie.”
Oh no.
“I’m… I don’t… I just…”
She paused and jumped down, looked at me with her hands on her hips. “You’re upset.”
I looked at her. I didn’t know. Why would I be upset? She was right, and there wasn’t anything real for me to be upset about. So why couldn’t I answer her?
“I gotchu, boo,” she said. “Whatever you were then, you didn’t feel what I felt when I got to this side, did you? Felt right, like slipping into comfortable pants after wearing something much too tight for a while?”
I nodded. That was… not inaccurate. I’d never been very happy before, but most people I knew weren’t. Besides, most people didn’t feel that good in their skin. Why did becoming Queen Eliza feel that much like… well, slipping into sweatpants? And how did she get that? She looked at me with a thoughtful, understanding expression, nodding softly.
“Yeah, that’s how I felt, when I woke up on that table, Lizzie. Whatever skin-suit you were wearing before, it sure as fuck didn’t fit you like this one does.” She made a show of looking me up and down and whistling. “Boy-howdy does it ever fucking fit you.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was still hung up on what she’d said about the body not fitting before. She hadn’t been wrong, I just hadn’t been aware it wasn’t, well, normal. But if she felt the same relief earlier as I’d felt when I came to this world… had my old body really been… I remembered how she looked when she’d attacked me. That pain… I mean… I’d hated the way I looked before too. But was it that same pain?
She clearly saw I was struggling with things. She walked over and tried to pat me on the back, but just gently slapped my ass. We both laughed at the absurdity, and I sat down against the ramparts, music rising up from the camp behind us.
“You’re going to be okay, Eliza. If you’re happier now than you were back then, then this is who you are, alright?”
“Okay,” I conceded. “You sound like you know what you’re talking about.”
She snorted. “Slander. I have no idea what the fuck is going on.”
I laughed. “I’ve got some clue, at least.”
She looked up at me with a raised eyebrow.
“So like, what’s this world like?”
“Fuck, Sally, where to begin? I mean, you’ve been here a while.”
“I’ve been distracted.”
“Well, uh… It’s uh… a bit of generic fantasy. Some fantasy racism. They don’t do skin-colour racism, far as I can tell.”
“Hashtag notalldemons?”
“You’re one of us now. You’re going to be representing all of your kind in every interaction.”
She shrugged. “What else is new. Do they even have running water?”
“You’re lucky to have a toilet. I’ve been trying to get them installed everywhere.”
“Oh my god, really?”
“Apparently the old queen used to magic her nose shut.”
“No fucking way,” she giggled.
We both laughed. We needed a laugh. If I was honest with myself, all we were missing was a prop. A cigarette to pass back and forth. A beer. A football to toss between us. We were both out of our world, and trying to make sense of it, and there was a genuine connection because of it. It was weird to be able to talk to someone from back home. Hell, to feel like I wasn’t just ‘crazy and playing along’. Sally here made everything feel a bit more real, and made me feel like my efforts to make this world a better place more… worth it. More impactful.
“What’s the best thing you’ve found here?”
I had to think about that. The food had been fine. A bit bland. The beds were nice, but nothing new. The magic was interesting, but also not taking any medals home.
“The people,” I concluded. “There’s some good people here.”
“You mean, like, your girlfriends?” She grinned at me sideways, all pointy teeth and no mercy for my fragile heart.
“I… what? What do you…”
“Oh my god, you’re one of those.”
“One of what?”
“Never mind, Lizzie, you’re cool.”
Something about the way she said ‘Lizzie’ was off. I couldn’t tell if she’d said ‘Li’ or ‘Le’. I decided not to get into it.
“Fuck, I’m just glad to hear someone call something cool. I just want to be able to tell someone I need a moment to chill, you know?”
“Might I have a moment of repose, milady?” she said in an overly posh accent, with a slight giggle. “What do you do around here, anyway? Whitehallow is beautiful, but I can imagine it gets boring.”
“I’m pretty much still the queen. I’m trying to make that work. You know, do some good around here.”
She nodded. “Respect. Fight institutionalized discrimination and stuff? Fuck yeah.”
A few minutes of silence. We were enjoying the quiet as much as each other's company.
“What do you miss the most?” she asked.
“Jeez, that’s… Oof.”
“Okay, I’ll make it easier. What food do you miss the most? If you had to pick something?”
I rubbed my face while I thought. There was so much food they’d had back home they didn’t have here. Food from all over the world. All-American pizza. Italian pasta. So many curries. I missed the spices I used to have, I used to love cooking. I thought back to the Chinese place around the corner, where I used to order just three plates of dumplings and then go home. The French cuisine restaurant I went to exactly once, with my old boss. But all of it paled in comparison to what I missed most.
“This is going to sound weird, but…”
“Hit me, I’m sure mine is weirder,” she said with a smirk.
“I really miss boxed Mac and Cheese.”
“The really chemical stuff?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “Salty and savoury. Tastes like when I was a kid, you know?”
“Yeah, no, that actually makes sense. But no, that’s not me.”
“All right then,” I said, crossing my arms. “What’s yours?”
“Street food. Hands down. Falafel, wrap, pizza, don’t care. Shitty street food is better back home than good food is here.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re not wrong. I miss tacos.”
“Fuuuuck, me too.”
I paused. “Do you think we could just… make tacos? Like, invent them?”
She grinned. “I have no idea how they’re made. You think they’d let us google it?”
We both giggled in the warm evening air. We sat there for a few minutes, quietly enjoying the sounds of the wake, the smell of the wake drifting up to where we were. We did have to find some clothes for Sally and I sent her ahead. I was going to enjoy the night just a little bit longer before I went downstairs. Tonight felt like a good night, all things considered. Something to remember. Smoke wisped up at the clear night sky, and when I closed my eyes I realized that, despite everything Sally and I had just talked about…
I didn’t really miss home.
Elamimax Hey y'all.
Everything has been a bit hectic, lately. There's a global pandemic, everything is scary, and, if you're smart, you're a little scared. And that's okay. I know I am. But I just want to tell everyone how grateful I am for the continued readership I've had, through this and other stories.
But things have been... not great, on my end. Writing has been hard (don't worry, I have at least 16 chapters already finished, so I'm not going to stop updating any time soon), and that's largely because I've been under a lot of stress. Not just because of the virus, although that obviously plays into it. The problem is that I was hoping for a transfer that would get me through the month that got delayed by an entire month. I'm having trouble putting food on the table.
So I'm asking - and there's no judgement if the answer is simply no - if you have anything to spare. My paypal link is below. Even the smallest amount could buy me food to make it another couple of days. Things will get better, I know it. But right now I need help, which is why I'm asking for it.
Thank you again for reading, it means the world to me.
