“Why would you--” Sabine began, but Kazumi shot her a look that, for reasons I didn’t understand, quieted her. The reason it was so confusing was because nothing about that look had been aggressive. It was as if they’d come to a mutual understanding of sorts. Or perhaps one or both of them were telepathic? That seemed unlikely. Regardless, she seemed to immediately understand something.
“You’d like to be Eliza?” Kazumi asked carefully. I don’t know why the question tugged at me as hard as it did. I didn’t want to be the evil queen that Eliza had been. But I also didn’t want to give up the name for some reason. The thought of having to go back to my old life was almost physically painful, though I had no idea why. I wanted to stay here and look like Queen Eliza and have people associate that with a good thing. But I could just be a new person, couldn’t I? Why did it hurt so much to give up even something as small as the name Eliza. I knew speaking wasn’t going to work, not now, though I didn’t know why. I just nodded. I think Kazumi saw tears welling up in my eyes, and she slithered a little closer, but seemingly unsure what to do.
“Look,” Sabine said. “Kazumi and I don’t know the place you’re from. What it did to you or meant to you. I… I understand the need to leave. The desire to be someone else.” She paused, and I felt guilty. I didn’t know how to tell them that the world I was from wasn’t this hellish landscape where merely existing was a struggle for survival. Part of me wanted to tell them the name I’d been born with but I feared, deeply and powerfully, that they might think of me differently if I did, even despite the fact that I was wearing the face and the name of a powerful evil. Sabine’s voice cut through my thoughts. “You can be Eliza, if you want to be. No matter who you were before… You don’t have to be them, not anymore.”
That filled me with more relief than I’d ever felt before, and I still couldn’t put my finger on why. Sure, I hadn’t been happy before, but my life had been fine, all things considered. I’d had a few friends, a job, some hobbies. Nothing spectacular, and I’d felt for a long time I’d been sort of coasting along, waiting for something to happen. But not, you know, being hit by a truck and subsequently reincarnating. That had just been blind luck. I nodded, and found my voice, somewhere behind the ball of emotions that had been blocking it.
“Thank you,” I squeaked, and started to cry. Just using my voice had been like breaking a barrier, and tears flowed down my face. I could barely make out the look Sabine and Kazumi gave each other. I’m sure they were wondering what sort of horrible fate I’d suffered. But if the thought of going back, even to just my name, was so terrifying to me, maybe I wasn’t pretending? I was confused, relieved, scared and I didn’t know what was happening to me. I pulled my knees up to my face and sobbed, my head swimming with confusing thoughts, until I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and then another on the other side, this one cold to the touch.
I looked up and saw Kazumi and Sabine sitting on both sides of me. They barely reached up to my shoulders and both just leaned their head against an arm. I cried more, of course. I tried to say thank you several times but I couldn’t get a word out, until Sabine just shushed me gently.
“You’re fine, Eliza.”
More crying. A sob here and there. It lasted for I don’t know how long, but they never got up, never asked me to stop, didn’t leave. Kazumi was warm, the scales on her arm felt smooth against my skin, and her soft breathing calmed me down. Sabine on the other hand was cold, and I noticed, didn’t breathe. But her presence was most definitely alive. I could feel her next to me. It was like being looked at by someone in your peripheral vision. Not something I could put my finger on, other than knowing she was present in not just the physical sense. I couldn’t tell how much time had passed when the voice, Eliza’s voice I’d been using, my voice, was finally mine to use again. The tea had gotten cold. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“You’re fine,” both of them said, and peeled away from me. I dried my eyes and nodded at them both. They both shot me warm smiles, and then each other. We drank our tea in silence. I didn’t even care that it had gotten cold, I was just grateful.
“So now what?” Kazumi asked. The soft music in the background had filled the silence in the meantime, so her soft and gentle voice didn’t so much break the tension as gently dispelled it.
“Well, I was wondering about something,” Sabine said. “Not incredibly relevant to the immediate future, but still something I want explained.”
“Go ahead,” Kazumi nodded, but looked at me as well. I mimicked the gesture.
“What was with that music?”
“God, yes!” I exclaimed, glad to be talking about something else. Besides, I’d been wondering about this too. While the world I’d been living in so far had seemed to exist on its own, with none of the archetypical trappings of video games like statistical information, menus or screen information, the music playing in the throne room had felt aggressively… I was trying to find a word that wasn’t as pretentious as ‘non-diegetic’. It simply didn’t seem like it fit.
“Oh, that’s easy,” Kazumi said, and gestured to me. “It’s simply a spell. The old queen specifically requested it.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Dramatic effect, I suppose,” she said, and shrugged, seemingly not very interested in the old queen’s motivations now that she was no longer among us.
“She was a strange one,” Sabine said. “I’m glad we have a new queen, then.” She turned to me and smiled and I felt my cheeks flush. I wasn’t very used to compliments like this, even though any queen would have been an improvement on the last queen. It didn’t mean much to her, I was sure, but it meant a lot to me, and I smiled back gratefully to let her know it was appreciated.
“I actually had an idea,” I said. “You know, about where we want to go from here.” They both turned to me, a little surprised to hear me speak with a degree of confidence. I couldn’t blame them, I’d been a mess so far. But I was determined to do some good. They both nodded to show I had their attention, and I turned to Sabine. “Sabine, you’re from Shereton, right?”
She nodded for a second, and then paused. “Wait, how do you know what town I’m from?”
Oops. The quest to pick her up in the original game had been fresh in my mind enough to remember the name of the place, but of course she’d never told me as much. I tried not to stammer too much as I answered.
“Weeell, you mentioned being from this side of the border, and Shereton is the biggest town this side that is still within mostly human territories so I kind of assumed. Or like, made a generalisation. You know like how people say ‘oh I’m from the capital’ even though they live like thirty minutes outside of it. You know?”
She nodded with a slight look of confusion trying to follow my train of thought and I think I successfully derailed her suspicions, because she simply agreed. “Okay, that makes sense,” she added. I was glad she thought so, because I doubt I would have convinced myself. “What’s your point?”
“Well,” I said, running the idea back and forth in my head. “So like, that’s under Himm-- Himmfel-- Hoffel--”
“Von Himmeldorfner,” Sabine said with more venom than I thought possible, coming from her. She’d been angry before, sure. With me, even, and with pretty good reason. Yet the extreme disdain that dripped off every syllable took me by surprise. She was clearly not fond of the man. “I’m familiar with him.”
“Yeah, Himfn-- Fnim-- Anyway, Baron Otto,” I said, giving up and settling for his first name. Kazumi seemed to stifle a small laugh when I said his name and title, but decided to move on. “Since he’s at the border with all those troops, I think it’s important that we make sure that that area is doing as well as possible, right? Do you think you could work with him to make that happen?”
Sabine’s facial expression didn’t make me hopeful.
“No,” she said flatly. “He’s a pig. He’s the reason the whole region is suffering from famine and poverty. It was a matter of time before the queen deposed him. You -- rather, the old queen, she’d come along at just the right time so he could defect and keep his power. He’s a sycophant and a greedy would-be dictator. I’m never speaking to the man if I can help it.”
“So that’s a hard ‘maybe’?” I asked. She didn’t seem to appreciate my attempt at a joke. “Okay, fair enough. Is he really that incompetent?”
“Either incompetent or malicious. He’s a good strategist, which is why he was given the county after the First War of Reunification twenty years ago, but now he’s just stuffing his face and his pockets.”
“Heck,” I said, and leaned back, crossing my arms.
“Heck?” Kazumi wondered.
“Oh, it’s a curse from… where I’m from. It’s considered to be a pretty bad one.”
“Oh,” she said, and blushed, seemingly embarrassed she’d accidentally said an expletive. “I apologize.”
“You’re fine,” I smiled, and she blushed harder. I was beginning to suspect that she didn’t only blush when she was scared.
“Anyway, so you won’t work with him because he’s an incompetent, right?” I asked Sabine.
“Yes.”
“So why don’t you just take over?”
“Why don’t I -- what?”
“Why don’t you take over? Like, whatever area he’s responsible for. Like, whatever it’s called. Do you want it?”
“Do I.. want it?” Sabine’s eyes grew large, and given her condition I was only a little bit worried her eyes might pop out of her head.
“Yeah. It’s yours if you want. If he’s that incompetent, he shouldn’t be in charge, right? I think I’d much prefer you run the area if you’re from there. You can’t be any worse at it than he was, can you?”
She stammered like I’d just slapped her. I felt a bit guilty having blindsided her with this, but, in my defense, I’d only just come up with the idea. It felt like a good one though. Kazumi seemed a little shocked as well, but she was starting to relax.
“That… might actually not be a bad idea,” she said. “I can’t say I’ve had any pleasant interactions with the man. He mostly seems like a pompous fool past his prime.”
Sabine was still recovering. “You… You’d just… give me the entire county of Innshire?” So that’s what it was called. The great map in the war room didn’t have any of the smaller regions marked with names, just little coats of arms everywhere, as if those were supposed to mean something to me.
“I don’t see why not? You’re from there, aren’t you?”
“I mean… Yeah, but…”
“Besides,” I said with what I hoped was a happy smile. “I still owe you.”
With resignation, she plopped down on the pillow. “I… okay.”
“That’s settled, then!” I said triumphantly. Then something hit me. “Hey Sabine?”
She looked at me a little warily, seemingly worried I was going to give her more titles. I quickly reassured her.
“Why are you drinking tea?”
“What do you m--” She looked at the cup. Then back at me. “I can taste it.”
“Do you think being in the throne room helped you?” I asked. Kazumi looked back and forth between us with some confusion. “I’ll tell you later,” I whispered.
Sabine was still looking at the cup. “I can feel it. The warmth. I can… taste it. Not much but...”
I smiled. It looked like something had come back at least. “Do you want to--” I began, but Sabine jumped up and ran out the door with a half-shouted apology. I laughed. Kazumi, still confused, didn’t.
“Eliza,” Kazumi said, a look of worry suddenly on her face. “I’ve been wondering…”
“Hmm?”
“What do you think happened to the old queen? You know? Did she die when you… came here?”
Huh. I hadn’t considered that. I kind of assumed I’d taken the queen’s place when both of us had died. Whatever spell had killed her probably wiped her memory? Or something? Or had she never died?
“I don’t know, honestly. I don’t think we’re likely to find out, though. Unless I’m careless, I’m not planning on going anywhere,” I said with a reassuring smile, which she returned. It made me feel warm inside.
Still, I couldn’t help but wonder.
---
There was a smell of antiseptic, though of course she had no way of recognizing it. To her, it smelled like alcohol that had gone bad off. There was a large grey box that went beep every few seconds. Wires -- no, tubes, she corrected herself -- ran from a translucent bag hanging from a coat hanger all the way down to her arms, where they entered her veins. Almost as disgusting as the blatant invasion of her body was its revolting pinkness, the hairiness of the arms. A different tube went up to her face, and she felt her own breath on her lips. She recognized the sensation from helmets she’d worn. Reaching up to touch it, she experienced the unique texture of plastic as her fingers scratched at the oxygen mask.
She looked around the room. It was white and sterile, with no clear wood or stone used in the construction. It was also warm, uncomfortably warm, and there was an atmosphere of sickness in the air.
“What in the hells,” she whispered to herself. “Where am I? I demand someone tell me where I am.” Her voice sounded raspy, lower than she was used to, and her fingers went to her throat where she felt… hair? Short, black, stubbly beard hair. What was going on? Who was… “I demand someone tell m--”
She was interrupted by a soft chortle, as if someone was trying to laugh while being held in a chokehold. She turned her head to the right and saw a young woman lying in the next bed over, who was wearing a similar face mask. She was also staring right at her, laughing softly, with a sort of malicious glee.
“Who -- who are you? Identify yourself?”
The girl laughed, and then coughed violently.
“I would recognize that tone anywhere,” she said. “I thought I’d lost to you. But it seems--” she paused to cough again, “that neither of us walked away from this.”
“What do you… Who are… Oh no. You worm,” she spat, as realization dawned on her. “You insect. You insignificant human filth.” She raged at the Hero of Eferton in the next bed over. The Hero just laughed.
“There is nothing you can do to me in that body, Dragon Queen. It’s just a cruel twist of fate that you seem to have the more… shall we say rugged body.” The hero laughed again, which led to another series of coughs.
Queen Eliza, the Demon Dragon Queen, looked down at her masculine body, clenched her fist, and screamed with all the impotent rage in the world.
“Why would you--” Sabine began, but Kazumi shot her a look that, for reasons I didn’t understand, quieted her. The reason it was so confusing was because nothing about that look had been aggressive. It was as if they’d come to a mutual understanding of sorts. Or perhaps one or both of them were telepathic? That seemed unlikely. Regardless, she seemed to immediately understand something.
“You’d like to be Eliza?” Kazumi asked carefully. I don’t know why the question tugged at me as hard as it did. I didn’t want to be the evil queen that Eliza had been. But I also didn’t want to give up the name for some reason. The thought of having to go back to my old life was almost physically painful, though I had no idea why. I wanted to stay here and look like Queen Eliza and have people associate that with a good thing. But I could just be a new person, couldn’t I? Why did it hurt so much to give up even something as small as the name Eliza. I knew speaking wasn’t going to work, not now, though I didn’t know why. I just nodded. I think Kazumi saw tears welling up in my eyes, and she slithered a little closer, but seemingly unsure what to do.
“Look,” Sabine said. “Kazumi and I don’t know the place you’re from. What it did to you or meant to you. I… I understand the need to leave. The desire to be someone else.” She paused, and I felt guilty. I didn’t know how to tell them that the world I was from wasn’t this hellish landscape where merely existing was a struggle for survival. Part of me wanted to tell them the name I’d been born with but I feared, deeply and powerfully, that they might think of me differently if I did, even despite the fact that I was wearing the face and the name of a powerful evil. Sabine’s voice cut through my thoughts. “You can be Eliza, if you want to be. No matter who you were before… You don’t have to be them, not anymore.”
That filled me with more relief than I’d ever felt before, and I still couldn’t put my finger on why. Sure, I hadn’t been happy before, but my life had been fine, all things considered. I’d had a few friends, a job, some hobbies. Nothing spectacular, and I’d felt for a long time I’d been sort of coasting along, waiting for something to happen. But not, you know, being hit by a truck and subsequently reincarnating. That had just been blind luck. I nodded, and found my voice, somewhere behind the ball of emotions that had been blocking it.
“Thank you,” I squeaked, and started to cry. Just using my voice had been like breaking a barrier, and tears flowed down my face. I could barely make out the look Sabine and Kazumi gave each other. I’m sure they were wondering what sort of horrible fate I’d suffered. But if the thought of going back, even to just my name, was so terrifying to me, maybe I wasn’t pretending? I was confused, relieved, scared and I didn’t know what was happening to me. I pulled my knees up to my face and sobbed, my head swimming with confusing thoughts, until I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and then another on the other side, this one cold to the touch.
I looked up and saw Kazumi and Sabine sitting on both sides of me. They barely reached up to my shoulders and both just leaned their head against an arm. I cried more, of course. I tried to say thank you several times but I couldn’t get a word out, until Sabine just shushed me gently.
“You’re fine, Eliza.”
More crying. A sob here and there. It lasted for I don’t know how long, but they never got up, never asked me to stop, didn’t leave. Kazumi was warm, the scales on her arm felt smooth against my skin, and her soft breathing calmed me down. Sabine on the other hand was cold, and I noticed, didn’t breathe. But her presence was most definitely alive. I could feel her next to me. It was like being looked at by someone in your peripheral vision. Not something I could put my finger on, other than knowing she was present in not just the physical sense. I couldn’t tell how much time had passed when the voice, Eliza’s voice I’d been using, my voice, was finally mine to use again. The tea had gotten cold. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“You’re fine,” both of them said, and peeled away from me. I dried my eyes and nodded at them both. They both shot me warm smiles, and then each other. We drank our tea in silence. I didn’t even care that it had gotten cold, I was just grateful.
“So now what?” Kazumi asked. The soft music in the background had filled the silence in the meantime, so her soft and gentle voice didn’t so much break the tension as gently dispelled it.
“Well, I was wondering about something,” Sabine said. “Not incredibly relevant to the immediate future, but still something I want explained.”
“Go ahead,” Kazumi nodded, but looked at me as well. I mimicked the gesture.
“What was with that music?”
“God, yes!” I exclaimed, glad to be talking about something else. Besides, I’d been wondering about this too. While the world I’d been living in so far had seemed to exist on its own, with none of the archetypical trappings of video games like statistical information, menus or screen information, the music playing in the throne room had felt aggressively… I was trying to find a word that wasn’t as pretentious as ‘non-diegetic’. It simply didn’t seem like it fit.
“Oh, that’s easy,” Kazumi said, and gestured to me. “It’s simply a spell. The old queen specifically requested it.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Dramatic effect, I suppose,” she said, and shrugged, seemingly not very interested in the old queen’s motivations now that she was no longer among us.
“She was a strange one,” Sabine said. “I’m glad we have a new queen, then.” She turned to me and smiled and I felt my cheeks flush. I wasn’t very used to compliments like this, even though any queen would have been an improvement on the last queen. It didn’t mean much to her, I was sure, but it meant a lot to me, and I smiled back gratefully to let her know it was appreciated.
“I actually had an idea,” I said. “You know, about where we want to go from here.” They both turned to me, a little surprised to hear me speak with a degree of confidence. I couldn’t blame them, I’d been a mess so far. But I was determined to do some good. They both nodded to show I had their attention, and I turned to Sabine. “Sabine, you’re from Shereton, right?”
She nodded for a second, and then paused. “Wait, how do you know what town I’m from?”
Oops. The quest to pick her up in the original game had been fresh in my mind enough to remember the name of the place, but of course she’d never told me as much. I tried not to stammer too much as I answered.
“Weeell, you mentioned being from this side of the border, and Shereton is the biggest town this side that is still within mostly human territories so I kind of assumed. Or like, made a generalisation. You know like how people say ‘oh I’m from the capital’ even though they live like thirty minutes outside of it. You know?”
She nodded with a slight look of confusion trying to follow my train of thought and I think I successfully derailed her suspicions, because she simply agreed. “Okay, that makes sense,” she added. I was glad she thought so, because I doubt I would have convinced myself. “What’s your point?”
“Well,” I said, running the idea back and forth in my head. “So like, that’s under Himm-- Himmfel-- Hoffel--”
“Von Himmeldorfner,” Sabine said with more venom than I thought possible, coming from her. She’d been angry before, sure. With me, even, and with pretty good reason. Yet the extreme disdain that dripped off every syllable took me by surprise. She was clearly not fond of the man. “I’m familiar with him.”
“Yeah, Himfn-- Fnim-- Anyway, Baron Otto,” I said, giving up and settling for his first name. Kazumi seemed to stifle a small laugh when I said his name and title, but decided to move on. “Since he’s at the border with all those troops, I think it’s important that we make sure that that area is doing as well as possible, right? Do you think you could work with him to make that happen?”
Sabine’s facial expression didn’t make me hopeful.
“No,” she said flatly. “He’s a pig. He’s the reason the whole region is suffering from famine and poverty. It was a matter of time before the queen deposed him. You -- rather, the old queen, she’d come along at just the right time so he could defect and keep his power. He’s a sycophant and a greedy would-be dictator. I’m never speaking to the man if I can help it.”
“So that’s a hard ‘maybe’?” I asked. She didn’t seem to appreciate my attempt at a joke. “Okay, fair enough. Is he really that incompetent?”
“Either incompetent or malicious. He’s a good strategist, which is why he was given the county after the First War of Reunification twenty years ago, but now he’s just stuffing his face and his pockets.”
“Heck,” I said, and leaned back, crossing my arms.
“Heck?” Kazumi wondered.
“Oh, it’s a curse from… where I’m from. It’s considered to be a pretty bad one.”
“Oh,” she said, and blushed, seemingly embarrassed she’d accidentally said an expletive. “I apologize.”
“You’re fine,” I smiled, and she blushed harder. I was beginning to suspect that she didn’t only blush when she was scared.
“Anyway, so you won’t work with him because he’s an incompetent, right?” I asked Sabine.
“Yes.”
“So why don’t you just take over?”
“Why don’t I -- what?”
“Why don’t you take over? Like, whatever area he’s responsible for. Like, whatever it’s called. Do you want it?”
“Do I.. want it?” Sabine’s eyes grew large, and given her condition I was only a little bit worried her eyes might pop out of her head.
“Yeah. It’s yours if you want. If he’s that incompetent, he shouldn’t be in charge, right? I think I’d much prefer you run the area if you’re from there. You can’t be any worse at it than he was, can you?”
She stammered like I’d just slapped her. I felt a bit guilty having blindsided her with this, but, in my defense, I’d only just come up with the idea. It felt like a good one though. Kazumi seemed a little shocked as well, but she was starting to relax.
“That… might actually not be a bad idea,” she said. “I can’t say I’ve had any pleasant interactions with the man. He mostly seems like a pompous fool past his prime.”
Sabine was still recovering. “You… You’d just… give me the entire county of Innshire?” So that’s what it was called. The great map in the war room didn’t have any of the smaller regions marked with names, just little coats of arms everywhere, as if those were supposed to mean something to me.
“I don’t see why not? You’re from there, aren’t you?”
“I mean… Yeah, but…”
“Besides,” I said with what I hoped was a happy smile. “I still owe you.”
With resignation, she plopped down on the pillow. “I… okay.”
“That’s settled, then!” I said triumphantly. Then something hit me. “Hey Sabine?”
She looked at me a little warily, seemingly worried I was going to give her more titles. I quickly reassured her.
“Why are you drinking tea?”
“What do you m--” She looked at the cup. Then back at me. “I can taste it.”
“Do you think being in the throne room helped you?” I asked. Kazumi looked back and forth between us with some confusion. “I’ll tell you later,” I whispered.
Sabine was still looking at the cup. “I can feel it. The warmth. I can… taste it. Not much but...”
I smiled. It looked like something had come back at least. “Do you want to--” I began, but Sabine jumped up and ran out the door with a half-shouted apology. I laughed. Kazumi, still confused, didn’t.
“Eliza,” Kazumi said, a look of worry suddenly on her face. “I’ve been wondering…”
“Hmm?”
“What do you think happened to the old queen? You know? Did she die when you… came here?”
Huh. I hadn’t considered that. I kind of assumed I’d taken the queen’s place when both of us had died. Whatever spell had killed her probably wiped her memory? Or something? Or had she never died?
“I don’t know, honestly. I don’t think we’re likely to find out, though. Unless I’m careless, I’m not planning on going anywhere,” I said with a reassuring smile, which she returned. It made me feel warm inside.
Still, I couldn’t help but wonder.
---
There was a smell of antiseptic, though of course she had no way of recognizing it. To her, it smelled like alcohol that had gone bad off. There was a large grey box that went beep every few seconds. Wires -- no, tubes, she corrected herself -- ran from a translucent bag hanging from a coat hanger all the way down to her arms, where they entered her veins. Almost as disgusting as the blatant invasion of her body was its revolting pinkness, the hairiness of the arms. A different tube went up to her face, and she felt her own breath on her lips. She recognized the sensation from helmets she’d worn. Reaching up to touch it, she experienced the unique texture of plastic as her fingers scratched at the oxygen mask.
She looked around the room. It was white and sterile, with no clear wood or stone used in the construction. It was also warm, uncomfortably warm, and there was an atmosphere of sickness in the air.
“What in the hells,” she whispered to herself. “Where am I? I demand someone tell me where I am.” Her voice sounded raspy, lower than she was used to, and her fingers went to her throat where she felt… hair? Short, black, stubbly beard hair. What was going on? Who was… “I demand someone tell m--”
She was interrupted by a soft chortle, as if someone was trying to laugh while being held in a chokehold. She turned her head to the right and saw a young woman lying in the next bed over, who was wearing a similar face mask. She was also staring right at her, laughing softly, with a sort of malicious glee.
“Who -- who are you? Identify yourself?”
The girl laughed, and then coughed violently.
“I would recognize that tone anywhere,” she said. “I thought I’d lost to you. But it seems--” she paused to cough again, “that neither of us walked away from this.”
“What do you… Who are… Oh no. You worm,” she spat, as realization dawned on her. “You insect. You insignificant human filth.” She raged at the Hero of Eferton in the next bed over. The Hero just laughed.
“There is nothing you can do to me in that body, Dragon Queen. It’s just a cruel twist of fate that you seem to have the more… shall we say rugged body.” The hero laughed again, which led to another series of coughs.
Queen Eliza, the Demon Dragon Queen, looked down at her masculine body, clenched her fist, and screamed with all the impotent rage in the world.
