Chapter 120: Guilt
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(Before the Incident)
As usual, I woke up just after the alarm broke out.
I am telling you, the worst enemy of humanity is the 'ALARM'. Imagine when you are sleeping like a log but then suddenly some annoying sound wakes you up, instead of this I want a peaceful one.
Like it slowly caresses my head and sweetly asks me to wake up but I know that it wouldn't wake me up. Instead of waking up, I would take another nap.
"Allen, did you wake up…?" mother yelled.
"Why don't you just come up to check it for yourself?" I replied back and threw my blanket sideways.
"What was that?" she asked me as I heard footsteps closing in at a medium space.
*Step*2
*Step*
"She really is coming," I got out and before she could reach the top I opened the gate and went straight to the washroom before she could say anything I slipped past her and glided down the stairs.
"A-Allen…"
And that's how my morning began. Not bad as compared to other days, right?
I asked myself as I glanced at my face in the mirror.
…
Since nothing special happened in the morning I was hoping the day would also go decently. But I should know better than anyone, my life getting ordinary is just something that I can dream of.
Still having hope is the last thing that I can do.
…
The school was only about a few meters away, I could see the top from this far away.
"Allen…" I heard a faint sound of someone calling my name but where is it coming from?
I turned around to see who it was and noticed something tiny moving from the same path I came from. Who is it?
"Allen…. Wait for me…!" Soon the image got clearer and I realized who it was.
Actually, I am getting Deja Vu with this also. Usually, the students tend to keep their distance from me but among the many, this individual is the only person who doesn't really care about the others.
"Alex," I said as I stopped in my tracks and waited for him.
"... You really are fast, aren't you…?" he said as he gasped for air.
"Maybe," I replied back.
"W-Wait…" he took a knee for a moment there.
The passers-by were watching me with suspicion. Well, it was natural since a person was practically kneeling in front of me. But I am already used to it; so it doesn't matter now. If they wish they could stare at me all they want.
"..."
*Stare*
*Stare Back*
I glared back at them instead. I mean just go mind your own business. It's not like I am organizing a show for them.
"... Alex?" I called Alex since I am assuming this much time is enough for him to catch his breath.
"... Yeah I think I am good now," he said but he still seemed a bit out of breath, still it seems much better than earlier.
"So, what did you want to talk about…?" I asked him.
"What do you mean?" he asked me.
"You called me and ran like your life depended on it so I was assuming you had something to talk to me about," I said.
"No," he said, "I saw you around the corner so I was about to call you out but you had already made it this far so I had to run and yell at the same time."
"Still… you needed something from me?" I asked him again.
"?" he was confused.
Why is he confused? I should be the one confused.
"You ran towards me, called out to me, usually no one does that. Especially to me so I am assuming you needed something from me," I said.
"Allen, you know you talk like an old man sometimes," he said.
"What's this all of a sudden?"
"Hahaha… anyway how are you doing nowadays?" he asked me as he tapped my shoulder.
Since we were walking down the same path, I can't escape from the question.
"Pretty good actually…" I said nonchalantly.
"Huh?" he seemed pretty taken aback by my answer.
"..."
"Allen, what are you really? I mean if I were in your shoes I would already quit school," he said as he seemed annoyed and restless simultaneously.
"Why…?" I asked him.
"'Why' you ask? First, those rumors… I can't really say in this since I also didn't do anything about them and then that act on the Stage a couple of days ago… I don't know whether it was luck or something else but you managed to pass by," he looked at me with those pitiful eyes, "And now the whole Student Council… I don't know how you are managing it all."
"..."
Am I supposed to answer here? Even if I have to, I can't. He almost summed up my life.
But he makes sound pretty easy but actually it's just the surface.
I am not even worried about the Student Council anymore. It's most likely that the Principal came back, since she was the one who took me to her home that day. So, it's alright to assume that my chances of getting expelled have been reduced.
Addition to that, Lily should probably find out about the person who recorded that video.
"Allen, tell me something." he stared at me as he stopped me.
"... What is it…?" I asked him.
"Why are you in this situation? I have known you since the first year and if I were to be honest here… you were like this harmless student… yet somehow you are in this mess," he said, "Have you… really… done anything… anything like those rumors?"
Here it is.
I was expecting it since he hasn't been raising this subject for this long.
I could lie to him, no rather I have to lie.
"What do you think…?" I asked him.
It's a good opportunity to know how the ones close to me, who used to be rather close to me before all this mess started, think of me now.
"What do I think…? I don't know," he seemed to have a disputing feeling, "To be honest I don't doubt you but you don't share any of your problems with anyone so it seems like you keep secrets to yourself only… sometimes it seems like you might have done something and that's how you are being punished for it… now..."
He seemed a bit down and couldn't even make eye contact yet he somehow was able to tell me those things.
"So to you I seem like I keep secrets," I said I took a step forward, "Why do you think I don't talk to people around me?"
"I don't know…" he said vaguely.
"Because I can't trust anyone," I said, "How many people do you think approached me to clarify those rumors?"
"A couple of them…" he replied.
"None," I said, "Few came but they came when it had already spread around like a wildfire. So, you tell me, who will you trust at this time of crisis?"
"..." he fell silent.
"I am not blaming you but you can't know how much I have to take into account," I further continued, "So naturally I don't have anyone to talk to. I can't even talk freely about my situation, you know?"
"..." his head was already in the ground with the weight of guilt, and I just pushed it further.
"Anyway, let's go different ways," I tapped his shoulder, letting him not feel any guilt for it, "Keep distance from me otherwise you might be also affected by it."
"..." he stayed silent.
Well, he is also the one who doubted me so it would be totally unrealistic that he wants to help me out of nowhere. He knows that very well that's why he can't extend his arm to me.
The distance between us is just too much for him to reach me now. No one can.
It's the path that I walked alone, in past, present, and will in future. There is no escape from it.
…
Soon we parted our ways, he left early and I waited a few moments for him to mix with the crowd.
"Here he comes…"
"Look at him… he seems carefree…"
Really? They speculate anything they want, aren't they even a little bit curious to know whether it is true or not? Or do they just go with the flow?
Whatever the case maybe, I don't specifically hate it. I have endured it for far too long that it doesn't even bother me at this point.
"Allen!" it was a familiar voice.
"... Iris…?"
"Yup, it's me, the Great Iris…!" she boasted herself.
I ignored her and continued to walk off. Don't she realize this isn't good for her or for me.
*Walk*
*Walk*
"A-Allen I came to greet you and you are running somewhere," she said and in that instant her friend/maid/servant blocked me.
"Olivia shut her up," I said to her, "It's not good for her to talk to me in public. You know it right?"
"... I can't go against My Lady's wish," she said.
"Are you an idiot? If you don't move right now and stop her, your Lady won't be the Lady for too long," I said, glaring at her.
I don't care what happens to her but I care about what happens to my plan.
"..." she seemed a bit confused about whether to follow her stupid Lady's fish or to protect her Lady's reputation.
*Slide*
TO BE CONTINUED…
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(Before the Incident)
As usual, I woke up just after the alarm broke out.
I am telling you, the worst enemy of humanity is the 'ALARM'. Imagine when you are sleeping like a log but then suddenly some annoying sound wakes you up, instead of this I want a peaceful one.
Like it slowly caresses my head and sweetly asks me to wake up but I know that it wouldn't wake me up. Instead of waking up, I would take another nap.
"Allen, did you wake up…?" mother yelled.
"Why don't you just come up to check it for yourself?" I replied back and threw my blanket sideways.
"What was that?" she asked me as I heard footsteps closing in at a medium space.
*Step*2
*Step*
"She really is coming," I got out and before she could reach the top I opened the gate and went straight to the washroom before she could say anything I slipped past her and glided down the stairs.
"A-Allen…"
And that's how my morning began. Not bad as compared to other days, right?
I asked myself as I glanced at my face in the mirror.
…
Since nothing special happened in the morning I was hoping the day would also go decently. But I should know better than anyone, my life getting ordinary is just something that I can dream of.
Still having hope is the last thing that I can do.
…
The school was only about a few meters away, I could see the top from this far away.
"Allen…" I heard a faint sound of someone calling my name but where is it coming from?
I turned around to see who it was and noticed something tiny moving from the same path I came from. Who is it?
"Allen…. Wait for me…!" Soon the image got clearer and I realized who it was.
Actually, I am getting Deja Vu with this also. Usually, the students tend to keep their distance from me but among the many, this individual is the only person who doesn't really care about the others.
"Alex," I said as I stopped in my tracks and waited for him.
"... You really are fast, aren't you…?" he said as he gasped for air.
"Maybe," I replied back.
"W-Wait…" he took a knee for a moment there.
The passers-by were watching me with suspicion. Well, it was natural since a person was practically kneeling in front of me. But I am already used to it; so it doesn't matter now. If they wish they could stare at me all they want.
"..."
*Stare*
*Stare Back*
I glared back at them instead. I mean just go mind your own business. It's not like I am organizing a show for them.
"... Alex?" I called Alex since I am assuming this much time is enough for him to catch his breath.
"... Yeah I think I am good now," he said but he still seemed a bit out of breath, still it seems much better than earlier.
"So, what did you want to talk about…?" I asked him.
"What do you mean?" he asked me.
"You called me and ran like your life depended on it so I was assuming you had something to talk to me about," I said.
"No," he said, "I saw you around the corner so I was about to call you out but you had already made it this far so I had to run and yell at the same time."
"Still… you needed something from me?" I asked him again.
"?" he was confused.
Why is he confused? I should be the one confused.
"You ran towards me, called out to me, usually no one does that. Especially to me so I am assuming you needed something from me," I said.
"Allen, you know you talk like an old man sometimes," he said.
"What's this all of a sudden?"
"Hahaha… anyway how are you doing nowadays?" he asked me as he tapped my shoulder.
Since we were walking down the same path, I can't escape from the question.
"Pretty good actually…" I said nonchalantly.
"Huh?" he seemed pretty taken aback by my answer.
"..."
"Allen, what are you really? I mean if I were in your shoes I would already quit school," he said as he seemed annoyed and restless simultaneously.
"Why…?" I asked him.
"'Why' you ask? First, those rumors… I can't really say in this since I also didn't do anything about them and then that act on the Stage a couple of days ago… I don't know whether it was luck or something else but you managed to pass by," he looked at me with those pitiful eyes, "And now the whole Student Council… I don't know how you are managing it all."
"..."
Am I supposed to answer here? Even if I have to, I can't. He almost summed up my life.
But he makes sound pretty easy but actually it's just the surface.
I am not even worried about the Student Council anymore. It's most likely that the Principal came back, since she was the one who took me to her home that day. So, it's alright to assume that my chances of getting expelled have been reduced.
Addition to that, Lily should probably find out about the person who recorded that video.
"Allen, tell me something." he stared at me as he stopped me.
"... What is it…?" I asked him.
"Why are you in this situation? I have known you since the first year and if I were to be honest here… you were like this harmless student… yet somehow you are in this mess," he said, "Have you… really… done anything… anything like those rumors?"
Here it is.
I was expecting it since he hasn't been raising this subject for this long.
I could lie to him, no rather I have to lie.
"What do you think…?" I asked him.
It's a good opportunity to know how the ones close to me, who used to be rather close to me before all this mess started, think of me now.
"What do I think…? I don't know," he seemed to have a disputing feeling, "To be honest I don't doubt you but you don't share any of your problems with anyone so it seems like you keep secrets to yourself only… sometimes it seems like you might have done something and that's how you are being punished for it… now..."
He seemed a bit down and couldn't even make eye contact yet he somehow was able to tell me those things.
"So to you I seem like I keep secrets," I said I took a step forward, "Why do you think I don't talk to people around me?"
"I don't know…" he said vaguely.
"Because I can't trust anyone," I said, "How many people do you think approached me to clarify those rumors?"
"A couple of them…" he replied.
"None," I said, "Few came but they came when it had already spread around like a wildfire. So, you tell me, who will you trust at this time of crisis?"
"..." he fell silent.
"I am not blaming you but you can't know how much I have to take into account," I further continued, "So naturally I don't have anyone to talk to. I can't even talk freely about my situation, you know?"
"..." his head was already in the ground with the weight of guilt, and I just pushed it further.
"Anyway, let's go different ways," I tapped his shoulder, letting him not feel any guilt for it, "Keep distance from me otherwise you might be also affected by it."
"..." he stayed silent.
Well, he is also the one who doubted me so it would be totally unrealistic that he wants to help me out of nowhere. He knows that very well that's why he can't extend his arm to me.
The distance between us is just too much for him to reach me now. No one can.
It's the path that I walked alone, in past, present, and will in future. There is no escape from it.
…
Soon we parted our ways, he left early and I waited a few moments for him to mix with the crowd.
"Here he comes…"
"Look at him… he seems carefree…"
Really? They speculate anything they want, aren't they even a little bit curious to know whether it is true or not? Or do they just go with the flow?
Whatever the case maybe, I don't specifically hate it. I have endured it for far too long that it doesn't even bother me at this point.
"Allen!" it was a familiar voice.
"... Iris…?"
"Yup, it's me, the Great Iris…!" she boasted herself.
I ignored her and continued to walk off. Don't she realize this isn't good for her or for me.
*Walk*
*Walk*
"A-Allen I came to greet you and you are running somewhere," she said and in that instant her friend/maid/servant blocked me.
"Olivia shut her up," I said to her, "It's not good for her to talk to me in public. You know it right?"
"... I can't go against My Lady's wish," she said.
"Are you an idiot? If you don't move right now and stop her, your Lady won't be the Lady for too long," I said, glaring at her.
I don't care what happens to her but I care about what happens to my plan.
"..." she seemed a bit confused about whether to follow her stupid Lady's fish or to protect her Lady's reputation.
*Slide*
TO BE CONTINUED…
Before the IncidentAs usual, I woke up just after the alarm broke out. I am telling you, the worst enemy of humanity is the 'ALARM'. Imagine when you are sleeping like a log but then suddenly some annoying sound wakes you up, instead of this I want a peaceful one. Like it slowly caresses my head and sweetly asks me to wake up but I know that it wouldn't wake me up. Instead of waking up, I would take another nap. "Allen, did you wake up?" mother yelled."Why don't you just come up to check it for yourself?" I replied back and threw my blanket sideways. "What was that?" she asked me as I heard footsteps closing in at a medium space. *Step*2*Step* "She really is coming," I got out and before she could reach the top I opened the gate and went straight to the washroom before she could say anything I slipped past her and glided down the stairs."A-Allen" And that's how my morning began. Not bad as compared to other days, right? I asked myself as I glanced at my face in the mirror.Since nothing special happened in the morning I was hoping the day would also go decently. But I should know better than anyone, my life getting ordinary is just something that I can dream of. Still having hope is the last thing that I can do. The school was only about a few meters away, I could see the top from this far away. "Allen" I heard a faint sound of someone calling my name but where is it coming from? I turned around to see who it was and noticed something tiny moving from the same path I came from. Who is it?"Allen. Wait for me!" Soon the image got clearer and I realized who it was. Actually, I am getting Deja Vu with this also. Usually, the students tend to keep their distance from me but among the many, this individual is the only person who doesn't really care about the others. "Alex," I said as I stopped in my tracks and waited for him. "... You really are fast, aren't you?" he said as he gasped for air. "Maybe," I replied back. "W-Wait" he took a knee for a moment there. The passers-by were watching me with suspicion. Well, it was natural since a person was practically kneeling in front of me. But I am already used to it; so it doesn't matter now. If they wish they could stare at me all they want. "..." *Stare* *Stare Back* I glared back at them instead. I mean just go mind your own business. It's not like I am organizing a show for them. "... Alex?" I called Alex since I am assuming this much time is enough for him to catch his breath. "... Yeah I think I am good now," he said but he still seemed a bit out of breath, still it seems much better than earlier. "So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked him. "What do you mean?" he asked me. "You called me and ran like your life depended on it so I was assuming you had something to talk to me about," I said. "No," he said, "I saw you around the corner so I was about to call you out but you had already made it this far so I had to run and yell at the same time." "Still you needed something from me?" I asked him again. "?" he was confused. Why is he confused? I should be the one confused."You ran towards me, called out to me, usually no one does that. Especially to me so I am assuming you needed something from me," I said."Allen, you know you talk like an old man sometimes," he said. "What's this all of a sudden?" "Hahaha anyway how are you doing nowadays?" he asked me as he tapped my shoulder. Since we were walking down the same path, I can't escape from the question. "Pretty good actually" I said nonchalantly. "Huh?" he seemed pretty taken aback by my answer."..." "Allen, what are you really? I mean if I were in your shoes I would already quit school," he said as he seemed annoyed and restless simultaneously. "Why?" I asked him. "'Why' you ask? First, those rumors I can't really say in this since I also didn't do anything about them and then that act on the Stage a couple of days ago I don't know whether it was luck or something else but you managed to pass by," he looked at me with those pitiful eyes, "And now the whole Student Council I don't know how you are managing it all.""..." Am I supposed to answer here? Even if I have to, I can't. He almost summed up my life. But he makes sound pretty easy but actually it's just the surface. I am not even worried about the Student Council anymore. It's most likely that the Principal came back, since she was the one who took me to her home that day. So, it's alright to assume that my chances of getting expelled have been reduced. Addition to that, Lily should probably find out about the person who recorded that video. "Allen, tell me something." he stared at me as he stopped me. "... What is it?" I asked him. "Why are you in this situation? I have known you since the first year and if I were to be honest here you were like this harmless student yet somehow you are in this mess," he said, "Have you really done anything anything like those rumors?" Here it is. I was expecting it since he hasn't been raising this subject for this long. I could lie to him, no rather I have to lie. "What do you think?" I asked him. It's a good opportunity to know how the ones close to me, who used to be rather close to me before all this mess started, think of me now."What do I think? I don't know," he seemed to have a disputing feeling, "To be honest I don't doubt you but you don't share any of your problems with anyone so it seems like you keep secrets to yourself only sometimes it seems like you might have done something and that's how you are being punished for it now..." He seemed a bit down and couldn't even make eye contact yet he somehow was able to tell me those things. "So to you I seem like I keep secrets," I said I took a step forward, "Why do you think I don't talk to people around me?" "I don't know" he said vaguely. "Because I can't trust anyone," I said, "How many people do you think approached me to clarify those rumors?" "A couple of them" he replied. "None," I said, "Few came but they came when it had already spread around like a wildfire. So, you tell me, who will you trust at this time of crisis?" "..." he fell silent. "I am not blaming you but you can't know how much I have to take into account," I further continued, "So naturally I don't have anyone to talk to. I can't even talk freely about my situation, you know?" "..." his head was already in the ground with the weight of guilt, and I just pushed it further. "Anyway, let's go different ways," I tapped his shoulder, letting him not feel any guilt for it, "Keep distance from me otherwise you might be also affected by it." "..." he stayed silent. Well, he is also the one who doubted me so it would be totally unrealistic that he wants to help me out of nowhere. He knows that very well that's why he can't extend his arm to me. The distance between us is just too much for him to reach me now. No one can. It's the path that I walked alone, in past, present, and will in future. There is no escape from it. Soon we parted our ways, he left early and I waited a few moments for him to mix with the crowd. "Here he comes" "Look at him he seems carefree" Really? They speculate anything they want, aren't they even a little bit curious to know whether it is true or not? Or do they just go with the flow? Whatever the case maybe, I don't specifically hate it. I have endured it for far too long that it doesn't even bother me at this point. "Allen!" it was a familiar voice. "... Iris?" "Yup, it's me, the Great Iris!" she boasted herself. I ignored her and continued to walk off. Don't she realize this isn't good for her or for me.*Walk* *Walk* "A-Allen I came to greet you and you are running somewhere," she said and in that instant her friend/maid/servant blocked me. "Olivia shut her up," I said to her, "It's not good for her to talk to me in public. You know it right?" "... I can't go against My Lady's wish," she said. "Are you an idiot? If you don't move right now and stop her, your Lady won't be the Lady for too long," I said, glaring at her. I don't care what happens to her but I care about what happens to my plan. "..." she seemed a bit confused about whether to follow her stupid Lady's fish or to protect her Lady's reputation. *Slide* TO BE CONTINUED
