Chapter 92. Scheming Selene
"You want what?" - and that's a legit question to pose. Because Selene seems to have some... interesting ideas about my capabilities.
"A hurdy-gurdy." - she confirms, blinking at me - "Come on, you can conjure metal by the ton. I've seen what you did at the exams. A bit of wood and some strings shouldn't be that hard."
"Selene, I can't just conjure it. For the simple reason that it would time out and disappear. Permanent conjurations... well, let me put it this way. I'd actually need some kind of permanent power source to maintain it. I don't think you want me to make a thing that will leech your own resources. Or power it by human sacrifice, because a couple rabbits just won't cut it for a device of such complexity. I'd need to craft it out of actual wood and metal and I am not even sure how it is..." - I begin to object and trail off as the exhaustive blueprints just sort of pop into my mind. Huh. That actually would be easy enough... I do have everything necessary in the stock, even...
She has a grin when I trail off and turn towards the chest, pulling the slabs of wood out. Ok, so... cut this, bend that, those parts should be jointed like this, I need some glue, oh why not, there's resin and a bit of volcanic ash, and some steel for the strings, and a bit more resin impregnating that circle, and a bit more to create a layer, hm, actually a simple seal on that to make it self-replenishing, just conjure a bit and let it vanish as it passes underneath, and... And... And... oh. Oh. OH!
"See, I figured something out." - she crows as she grabs the ready instrument out of my hands - "Holy shit, how did you even varnish it in like five minutes?... Anyways, like... My cheat is having light magic up the wazoo, and your cheat is knowing how to make everything. I had my suspicions for a while, you don't ever pause much to make prototypes and whatnot, you just grab stuff and make stuff and it just works."
"Uh... Alright, then. I suppose I can make you your hurdy-gurdy. Still not seeing what you're up to." - I admit.
"Ah, well, I have talked to your wives a bit." - she proffers - "Check this out. Magical phonograph, ta-da!"
The thing she holds up to me is... somewhat similar to Moon Unit's copy machine, except... Except this bit vibrates and this bit records the vibrations by etching it into a tin plate, much like a gramophone record... Huh.
"I assume you also had the playback device designed?" - I quip, and she pulls up a bigger box. It's... gramophone, pretty much. Pretty crude, to be honest, the horn is just a couple of wood slabs in a square shape... Bah, this would make the sound bad. I pluck the thing off and replace it with a proper copper horn.
"Hey!... Actually nevermind, that should work better." - she exclaims - "Check this out!"
She puts the tin plate in, and taps the "button" on the device. "....Testing, testing! One, two, three! Testing! This is the sound-recording device, as designed by ladies Selene and Lux! If you are hearing this, it works. Testing, Testing! One, two, three!" - and that is unmistakably Moon Unit's voice.
"Lily-Anne is adamant actual music recordings would be immensely popular with the nobles." - Selene preens proudly - "I will do the recordings, Moon Unit will sell the gramophones along with copy machines and Lily-Anne will promote the recordings in her boutique! It's a win-win for everyone."
"Alright, but why hurdy-gurdy?" - I ask.
"Well, for one, I know how to play it." - Selene retorts - "For two, I've asked around, and no one knows about that kind of musical instrument yet! The closest they have is an alto viola."
"Hrm. Ok, so... you're going to sell the recordings of the music on the instrument no one knows." - I muse - "That should bring you a good deal of initial money, but that would eventually taper off... Any plans for sustainable success?"
"Well, yes." - she offers - "Ok, so... I was really into music in my previous life. In case you didn't know how to make hurdy-gurdy, I could totally draw you some schematics. Maybe not exact ones, but close enough to make something decent-sounding. I remember a bunch of other musical instruments that can be made. Once the nobles are sufficiently hooked on this, uh... 'new music'? I am going to hire some decent woodcutters and bug you to get me in contact with dwarves to set up some kind of semi-permanent order for string production, then I'm going to sell those instruments.. and lessons for playing on them. I figure once I get initial capital, I could easily enough snag a couple of third and fourth daughter sorta nobles who actually need to work for a living to be music teachers. I'll teach them, and they'll be giving lessons to all the noble kids who want to impress their folks or their fiancees with their ability on the new and unusual musical instrument and that's going to be a biggish thing, because music is totally the sort of thing nobles would want. Maybe also teach gifted commoners to be hireable musicians for those who don't care to buy or learn the instrument but want some high-quality music for their ball or some such."
"Uh. So you plan to introduce MORE musical instruments over time?" - I clarify.
"Oh, yeah. Harpsichords, hurdy-gurdys, spinets, clarinets... They sorta have something like the last one, the grand flute they call it, but it's kinda simplish and doesn't have the crispness..." - she exults.
"Ok, so... I get the picture. That sounds pretty good, actually. What gave you the idea?" - I quip.
"Did you know that Ed plays bagpipes?" - she returns coyly.
WHAT!?
"He WHAT!?" - I repeat out loud. I'm legit dumbfounded. The idea of Ed and bagpipes is very much cognitively dissonant.
"A guilty pleasure of his." - she confirms, grinning - "I taught him a couple of more modern-sounding tunes. Now that I have a hurdy-gurdy, we can do a duet. Can you imagine what the records of music played by the actual prince will go for? He's on board. We're going to record a couple songs, make like... a hundred copies and sell them as high exclusives."
The fuck. That sounds eminently profitable. Stupidly profitable.
"Don't sell them." - I object - "Auction them. And not a hundred copies. Make ten copies, then record the same song with some minor nobles and run a couple thousand copies of it. Start with those, then announce auction for 'exclusive ten copies recorded personally by Edward Cullen'. That'll bring you gold hand over fist."
She perks up... But then looks down. "Uh, but... Alyssa, I got a biiig favor to ask." - she wheedles.
"What? If you need startup money, no problem. I have gold by quintal, by now." - I toss back.
"Not that. It's more of... Ok, so... Ed is kinda shy about his bagpipe. It would do wonders for him if you agreed to hear him play first and praised him lots..." - she offers - "I mean, you won't have to pretend, he's legit good with it, I swear."
"Ok, but... How do you intend to get him to play to ME, of all people?" - I retort - "I mean, he's still... kinda wary of me. Maybe get Alistair to do it? Or Lily-Anne? Someone Ed is not having mondo complicated feelings about?"
"No, no, see, it's perfect. I mean, if you tell him he's doing good, he's gonna believe you." - she gushes - "Al telling him he's good? No good, Ed would just think Al is giving him lip service. Lily-Anne is also no good, if she tells Ed he's good, Ed's just gonna assume she's being a nice sister about it. Now you? If you tell him he's good, he'll believe it, because you're like... like... Well, Ed has this kind of, like... opinion of you. He thinks that you're just the kind of person who can tell the world to go fuck off and do better if it ain't measuring up. You're a perfect critic for him."
"While this might be true, I imagine he's also going to have helluva reservations about playing in front of me, of all people." - I object.
"Ah, leave that to me." - Selene grins - "I'm going to invite you all to the garden to listen to the stuff I play, once I practice a bit with this fancy new hurdy-gurdy, then I'm going to invite Ed to do a duet with me. He's going to stick with it, because he would think he's letting me down, otherwise. And then you all tell him that he's good, and bingo. And I swear to you, he is pretty good at it. I'm not sure whom he's learned from, but he's a goddamn rockstar with the bagpipes."
"...Alright." - I sigh - "I will cooperate, but everything that happens between you and Ed because of that is entirely your problem, capisce?"
"Yeah, that's fine." - she quips happily - "You won't be disappointed, I'm sure of it."
___
It takes Selene but three days to get back at me. Just in time for the midterms to be officially over. I also passed alchemy and mercantile craft courses by the dint of my achievements. The rest of the professors were mostly ready to follow the trend, but accepted my argument that I should at least put one full year at the Academy. Ambercrombe is not that happy over it, but we do finally agree that I will officially graduate in the summer, along with my wives (who put in great showings of their own, evoking much praise from the professors in the process), and in the meanwhile I will attend the lectures at will. Professors Schlagenblum and Davenport expect of me to produce a textbook for either of them. Schalgenblum wants an introductory course to organic chemistry and Davenport asks of me to compile a primer on enchantments. He also privately confers that should the textbooks exceed their expectations, both he and Schlagenblum are prepared to nominate me for magistery in their respective fields. Which would involve a sort of exam, though it would be less of me doing something and more of magistrum reviewing my existent achievements. He also tells me that Magistrum of Enchantment wants to talk to me about magistery in any case, once I'm done with Academy, because... well, airship.
The rest of the professoratorium are... being a little ironic. Professor Ortega, who handles the introduction on geopolitics quips to me that he hardly feels qualified to teach someone having negotiations with several kings about politics and considers me already having had passed his course summa cum laude. I did not sign up for the arts and professor Mannergeim, who handles the basics of business (or, as they are called in Academy, the course of mercantile crafts) tells me bluntly that I pass his course simply for opening a successful shop, nevermind the trading house operation on top of that.
So, the evening when Selene sends me a note is quite void of anything worthwhile, and most of my harem is lounging around, luxuriating in the feelings of midterms being well done. Except for Bridgit, who instead luxuriates in the feelings of everyone else submitting to her fussing and hovering without objections. Honestly, she'd make a much better mom than me. Oh well, I do hope some of her will rub off on Cy. Who, in the meanwhile, is stupefying the students with mindboggling applications of chaos magic in the afternoons. There is apparently a bet going on regarding who's going to end on the wrong end of Cy feeling playful next time. So far, nothing bad happened, and everyone had a whale of time figuring out what Cy did and how to disenchant it, but I'm keeping a keen eye on it all nonetheless. On a side note, she seems to has some kind of cuteness field, because even the students who made a point of keeping their attitude neutrally hostile towards me are plying her with treats and toys. And, consequently, being less acerbic towards me.
"Ladies?" - I offer - "Selene just sent me a note. Apparently, she's been practicing music in the meanwhile and invites us all to the garden to listen to a couple of new tunes she learned. No pressure, obviously, but I'm curious what she's got. Anyone wants to tag along?"
Chapter 92. Scheming Selene
"You want what?" - and that's a legit question to pose. Because Selene seems to have some... interesting ideas about my capabilities.
"A hurdy-gurdy." - she confirms, blinking at me - "Come on, you can conjure metal by the ton. I've seen what you did at the exams. A bit of wood and some strings shouldn't be that hard."
"Selene, I can't just conjure it. For the simple reason that it would time out and disappear. Permanent conjurations... well, let me put it this way. I'd actually need some kind of permanent power source to maintain it. I don't think you want me to make a thing that will leech your own resources. Or power it by human sacrifice, because a couple rabbits just won't cut it for a device of such complexity. I'd need to craft it out of actual wood and metal and I am not even sure how it is..." - I begin to object and trail off as the exhaustive blueprints just sort of pop into my mind. Huh. That actually would be easy enough... I do have everything necessary in the stock, even...
She has a grin when I trail off and turn towards the chest, pulling the slabs of wood out. Ok, so... cut this, bend that, those parts should be jointed like this, I need some glue, oh why not, there's resin and a bit of volcanic ash, and some steel for the strings, and a bit more resin impregnating that circle, and a bit more to create a layer, hm, actually a simple seal on that to make it self-replenishing, just conjure a bit and let it vanish as it passes underneath, and... And... And... oh. Oh. OH!
"See, I figured something out." - she crows as she grabs the ready instrument out of my hands - "Holy shit, how did you even varnish it in like five minutes?... Anyways, like... My cheat is having light magic up the wazoo, and your cheat is knowing how to make everything. I had my suspicions for a while, you don't ever pause much to make prototypes and whatnot, you just grab stuff and make stuff and it just works."
"Uh... Alright, then. I suppose I can make you your hurdy-gurdy. Still not seeing what you're up to." - I admit.
"Ah, well, I have talked to your wives a bit." - she proffers - "Check this out. Magical phonograph, ta-da!"
The thing she holds up to me is... somewhat similar to Moon Unit's copy machine, except... Except this bit vibrates and this bit records the vibrations by etching it into a tin plate, much like a gramophone record... Huh.
"I assume you also had the playback device designed?" - I quip, and she pulls up a bigger box. It's... gramophone, pretty much. Pretty crude, to be honest, the horn is just a couple of wood slabs in a square shape... Bah, this would make the sound bad. I pluck the thing off and replace it with a proper copper horn.
"Hey!... Actually nevermind, that should work better." - she exclaims - "Check this out!"
She puts the tin plate in, and taps the "button" on the device. "....Testing, testing! One, two, three! Testing! This is the sound-recording device, as designed by ladies Selene and Lux! If you are hearing this, it works. Testing, Testing! One, two, three!" - and that is unmistakably Moon Unit's voice.
"Lily-Anne is adamant actual music recordings would be immensely popular with the nobles." - Selene preens proudly - "I will do the recordings, Moon Unit will sell the gramophones along with copy machines and Lily-Anne will promote the recordings in her boutique! It's a win-win for everyone."
"Alright, but why hurdy-gurdy?" - I ask.
"Well, for one, I know how to play it." - Selene retorts - "For two, I've asked around, and no one knows about that kind of musical instrument yet! The closest they have is an alto viola."
"Hrm. Ok, so... you're going to sell the recordings of the music on the instrument no one knows." - I muse - "That should bring you a good deal of initial money, but that would eventually taper off... Any plans for sustainable success?"
"Well, yes." - she offers - "Ok, so... I was really into music in my previous life. In case you didn't know how to make hurdy-gurdy, I could totally draw you some schematics. Maybe not exact ones, but close enough to make something decent-sounding. I remember a bunch of other musical instruments that can be made. Once the nobles are sufficiently hooked on this, uh... 'new music'? I am going to hire some decent woodcutters and bug you to get me in contact with dwarves to set up some kind of semi-permanent order for string production, then I'm going to sell those instruments.. and lessons for playing on them. I figure once I get initial capital, I could easily enough snag a couple of third and fourth daughter sorta nobles who actually need to work for a living to be music teachers. I'll teach them, and they'll be giving lessons to all the noble kids who want to impress their folks or their fiancees with their ability on the new and unusual musical instrument and that's going to be a biggish thing, because music is totally the sort of thing nobles would want. Maybe also teach gifted commoners to be hireable musicians for those who don't care to buy or learn the instrument but want some high-quality music for their ball or some such."
"Uh. So you plan to introduce MORE musical instruments over time?" - I clarify.
"Oh, yeah. Harpsichords, hurdy-gurdys, spinets, clarinets... They sorta have something like the last one, the grand flute they call it, but it's kinda simplish and doesn't have the crispness..." - she exults.
"Ok, so... I get the picture. That sounds pretty good, actually. What gave you the idea?" - I quip.
"Did you know that Ed plays bagpipes?" - she returns coyly.
WHAT!?
"He WHAT!?" - I repeat out loud. I'm legit dumbfounded. The idea of Ed and bagpipes is very much cognitively dissonant.
"A guilty pleasure of his." - she confirms, grinning - "I taught him a couple of more modern-sounding tunes. Now that I have a hurdy-gurdy, we can do a duet. Can you imagine what the records of music played by the actual prince will go for? He's on board. We're going to record a couple songs, make like... a hundred copies and sell them as high exclusives."
The fuck. That sounds eminently profitable. Stupidly profitable.
"Don't sell them." - I object - "Auction them. And not a hundred copies. Make ten copies, then record the same song with some minor nobles and run a couple thousand copies of it. Start with those, then announce auction for 'exclusive ten copies recorded personally by Edward Cullen'. That'll bring you gold hand over fist."
She perks up... But then looks down. "Uh, but... Alyssa, I got a biiig favor to ask." - she wheedles.
"What? If you need startup money, no problem. I have gold by quintal, by now." - I toss back.
"Not that. It's more of... Ok, so... Ed is kinda shy about his bagpipe. It would do wonders for him if you agreed to hear him play first and praised him lots..." - she offers - "I mean, you won't have to pretend, he's legit good with it, I swear."
"Ok, but... How do you intend to get him to play to ME, of all people?" - I retort - "I mean, he's still... kinda wary of me. Maybe get Alistair to do it? Or Lily-Anne? Someone Ed is not having mondo complicated feelings about?"
"No, no, see, it's perfect. I mean, if you tell him he's doing good, he's gonna believe you." - she gushes - "Al telling him he's good? No good, Ed would just think Al is giving him lip service. Lily-Anne is also no good, if she tells Ed he's good, Ed's just gonna assume she's being a nice sister about it. Now you? If you tell him he's good, he'll believe it, because you're like... like... Well, Ed has this kind of, like... opinion of you. He thinks that you're just the kind of person who can tell the world to go fuck off and do better if it ain't measuring up. You're a perfect critic for him."
"While this might be true, I imagine he's also going to have helluva reservations about playing in front of me, of all people." - I object.
"Ah, leave that to me." - Selene grins - "I'm going to invite you all to the garden to listen to the stuff I play, once I practice a bit with this fancy new hurdy-gurdy, then I'm going to invite Ed to do a duet with me. He's going to stick with it, because he would think he's letting me down, otherwise. And then you all tell him that he's good, and bingo. And I swear to you, he is pretty good at it. I'm not sure whom he's learned from, but he's a goddamn rockstar with the bagpipes."
"...Alright." - I sigh - "I will cooperate, but everything that happens between you and Ed because of that is entirely your problem, capisce?"
"Yeah, that's fine." - she quips happily - "You won't be disappointed, I'm sure of it."
___
It takes Selene but three days to get back at me. Just in time for the midterms to be officially over. I also passed alchemy and mercantile craft courses by the dint of my achievements. The rest of the professors were mostly ready to follow the trend, but accepted my argument that I should at least put one full year at the Academy. Ambercrombe is not that happy over it, but we do finally agree that I will officially graduate in the summer, along with my wives (who put in great showings of their own, evoking much praise from the professors in the process), and in the meanwhile I will attend the lectures at will. Professors Schlagenblum and Davenport expect of me to produce a textbook for either of them. Schalgenblum wants an introductory course to organic chemistry and Davenport asks of me to compile a primer on enchantments. He also privately confers that should the textbooks exceed their expectations, both he and Schlagenblum are prepared to nominate me for magistery in their respective fields. Which would involve a sort of exam, though it would be less of me doing something and more of magistrum reviewing my existent achievements. He also tells me that Magistrum of Enchantment wants to talk to me about magistery in any case, once I'm done with Academy, because... well, airship.
The rest of the professoratorium are... being a little ironic. Professor Ortega, who handles the introduction on geopolitics quips to me that he hardly feels qualified to teach someone having negotiations with several kings about politics and considers me already having had passed his course summa cum laude. I did not sign up for the arts and professor Mannergeim, who handles the basics of business (or, as they are called in Academy, the course of mercantile crafts) tells me bluntly that I pass his course simply for opening a successful shop, nevermind the trading house operation on top of that.
So, the evening when Selene sends me a note is quite void of anything worthwhile, and most of my harem is lounging around, luxuriating in the feelings of midterms being well done. Except for Bridgit, who instead luxuriates in the feelings of everyone else submitting to her fussing and hovering without objections. Honestly, she'd make a much better mom than me. Oh well, I do hope some of her will rub off on Cy. Who, in the meanwhile, is stupefying the students with mindboggling applications of chaos magic in the afternoons. There is apparently a bet going on regarding who's going to end on the wrong end of Cy feeling playful next time. So far, nothing bad happened, and everyone had a whale of time figuring out what Cy did and how to disenchant it, but I'm keeping a keen eye on it all nonetheless. On a side note, she seems to has some kind of cuteness field, because even the students who made a point of keeping their attitude neutrally hostile towards me are plying her with treats and toys. And, consequently, being less acerbic towards me.
"Ladies?" - I offer - "Selene just sent me a note. Apparently, she's been practicing music in the meanwhile and invites us all to the garden to listen to a couple of new tunes she learned. No pressure, obviously, but I'm curious what she's got. Anyone wants to tag along?"
