CaptainBoyHole Comment/Review on the story readers and give me ideas on possible skills, situations, developments, and etc of things you want to see! No guarantees that I will add what you want. But it helps to have ideas out there. Please point out any mistakes you notice or anything you're not clear about. I'll try to answer them and fix them to the best of my abilities.
After escaping the basement of the school building and returning home, Zoey did not expect to find her entire family on the couch with that forehead flicking asshole. Zoey was a lot of things that she may or may not admit to if directly asked. Awkward, shy, non-confrontational, dense, slow, prone to overthinking, and etc. But it was pretty god damn obvious that something important was discussed between her family and the handsome asshole.
Everette looked at her with his eyes glowing like he was staring at his favorite idol. Her mom looked pissed. Zoey couldn’t tell what kind of expression was on her dad’s face. It was the first time she’s ever seen him troubled? She’s seen him in awkward situations but that face didn’t give the awkward feel. The asshole smirked at her with that same shit-eating grin he always had then gave a half-hearted wave.
“I honestly don’t even know where to start with you, Zoey Benjamin Winters!” Alicia couldn’t even stand to her feet. She sunk her face into her palms, unable to look at Zoey.
Zoey knew it wasn’t good when her mom used her full name...
“Why didn’t you tell us? Did you not trust us?” Bruce asked, Zoey could feel the hurt in his voice and that actually made her feel a little bad.
It was kind of messed up that her mom’s nearly crying voice did nothing for her emotions but hearing her dad sound hurt did. Bruce really wasn’t the type of person to be sad about things. Zoey could count the number of times she’s heard or seen him be really down about something on one hand. She basically expected to see Bruce with a smile on his face six days out of the week. Always generally cheerful or optimistic about something. Willing to share his joy with others or improve someone else’s day.
Zoey usually disliked people like that but Bruce was different. He was the man she was fine with calling Dad. They may not share blood but he’s been in her life a lot longer than her actual dad who dipped as soon as her mom found out she was pregnant. Seeing him like this and realizing that it may be her fault made her heart feel weird and heavy...
“I always knew you were fighting daemons but I didn’t know you could’ve died.” Everette helped clear up the picture somewhat.
“Ah, you found out.” Zoey blurted out.
“Yeah, we found out... We found out, Zoey.” Alicia took a deep sigh, trying to stop herself from crying.
“I tried to tell you, but who didn’t want to believe me?” Zoey wasn’t having any of her mom’s annoying crying.
“You call that trying?!” Alicia shouted.
“Maybe next time try believing your daughter instead of punishing her.” Zoey crossed her arms feeling a little irritated.
“So it’s my fault for not believing in magic?!”
“Who told you to be so ignorant? You don’t know everything in the world. Leprechauns and werewolves can be real for all we know. Just because no one has seen them doesn’t mean they don’t exist.” Zoey felt an urge to really give it to her mom right now.
All of the pain, frustration, and dislike she had for her mother ever since she was little felt like exploding outward. Zoey loved her mom but just because she loved her didn’t mean she liked her. They were two completely different people with similar faces. If anything, she felt closer to Bruce who didn’t even raise her! But she knew that would be going too far if she said something like that to her mother’s face...
Alicia couldn’t respond to Zoey’s sudden attack and only sobbed.
“What about me?” Bruce asked. “Why didn’t you try to talk to me about this stuff? You know how I get about magic and nerdy stuff. I can’t say I'd believe you without any definite proof but you know I'm always here to listen...” Bruce always knew how to get to Zoey.
“I was scared. I was scared you were going to be just like mom and not believe me either. And if I brought this stuff up with you, mom would find out and think I'm was trying to get my punishment reduced. It would’ve made everything awkward so, I just said screw it. Since only Everette believed me, he would be the only one in the family to know. Me and mom would just be mad at each other for a little bit before going on with our regular lives again.” Zoey explained, rubbing her arm and looking at the ground.
Bruce sighed. “I can’t blame you for thinking the way you did. It makes sense when you explain it like that. But Zoey, I have a question...” He looked into her eyes.
Zoey felt compelled to look back despite the nervousness in her heart.
“Why do you feel the need to risk your life like this? It can’t be the money, right?” He was genuinely curious.
“I like fighting. I like the feeling of smashing my fists into people’s bodies and faces. I like seeing myself get stronger. I like it so much that I find it hard to go back to how I used to be before I joined boxing. If I can’t fight anymore, I think I'd go crazy.” Zoey could hear the insanity in her words.
She usually only thinks about her craving but actually saying it out loud was another thing. If she had to go to therapy because she decided to share her honest thoughts with her family, she’d probably never open up to anyone ever again. Zoey instantly regretted sharing so much with her family but then again, it felt good saying the truth out loud for once. She really didn’t want to see how they’d react though...
“Okay, I think I can understand now...” Bruce rubbed his forehead. “Alicia. She’s afraid that you’re going to stop her from fighting. You’re going to take away her fighting as a punishment. And when you do that, she’ll rebel with everything she has.” Bruce explained it simply. “That rebellion can be something like her never talking to you again, running away from home, moving away from home, violence, crime, and more.”
“...” Alicia was speechless for the first time in her life.
Zoey didn’t say anything but she agreed with Bruce. She also never realized just how much she loved him too. He actually understood her! She loved her dad!
Zoey was 100% going to fight back against her mother if she tried to stop her from fighting daemons. That battle could be her going back to fighting delinquents and getting involved in criminal gangs. It could be her focusing everything she had on the YFTL or boxing. Regardless of what it was, Zoey was going to get her fighting fix from somewhere no matter what her mother said. Even if she had to fight her mother herself...
Maybe. Zoey couldn’t actually see herself hitting her mom even though she spanked her bottom countless times when she was little. So much resentment built up inside her from those spankings that she genuinely hated and wished horrible things for her mother back then. She has grown now and understood things that she didn’t when she was younger but that didn’t mean all the feelings she had from before just vanished from her heart. They were just buried or something. Zoey didn’t really know.
“I’m going to keep fighting even if you want me to stop, Mom.” Zoey left her with that.
“No matter what I say or how I feel, you’re going to do it anyway, right?” Alicia asked, tears still flowing from her eyes. Zoey nodded.
“F- Fine... Mister Victor, you can teach my baby how to protect herself from those monsters, right?” Alicia focused her gaze on the S-Grade Magjistar.
“The only thing you have to worry about for is her becoming too strong from my lessons.” Victor reassured his student’s worrisome mother.
“Please!” Alicia clasped Victor’s hand. “Teach her everything you know so that my baby doesn’t end up dying before me.” A strong motherly gaze stared into the magjistar’s.
“You got it, Miss Winters.” Victor’s head leaned back and he grinned at Zoey. “I won’t hold back at all.”
Everette really wanted to say that he wanted to learn magic with Zoey but he had a feeling his mom would shout at him if he said something like that right now. He’ll just ask Zoey to teach him later. The only things she wasn’t willing to share with him were her phone and computer! No, he did not know why she didn’t.
“When do her lessons start?” Bruce asked.
“I’ll have to create a whole new curriculum made just for Zoey. It’ll take some time but I'll let you know when I'm ready to take her. Here’s my number, call me anytime.” Victor gave them a card. “Before I go, I also should let you guys know about this. The OM should be sending out magjistars to protect your family from any threats by tomorrow. You can live your life as you always had, our magjistars won’t interfere in your daily life and will always be ready to step in if something happens. Whether that be against daemons, criminals, or just violent drunks.” He informed.
“Thank you.” Bruce grabbed Victor’s hand and firmly shook it.
“No problem.” Victor smiled. “I look forward to teaching your daughter.” He left out the door with those words.
‘Don’t I get a say in this?’ Zoey suddenly realized. When did she ever say she wanted to be taught by that asshole? And when the hell did he become so reliable in the eyes of her parents? It's because he’s fucking handsome, isn’t it? Handsome bastards really do play life on easy mode...
CaptainBoyHole
My biggest fear is that I'm missing some obvious part of this story and it totally breaks the immersion of the readers.
What I mean by that is, does any of the dialogue sound unnatural or do the developments of the characters/plot seem abrupt? I'm trying to make this story flow in a realistic manner in the way that people talk, interact, and bounce off of each other. So please feel free to comment if anything seems off.
CaptainBoyHole Comment/Review on the story readers and give me ideas on possible skills, situations, developments, and etc of things you want to see! No guarantees that I will add what you want. But it helps to have ideas out there. Please point out any mistakes you notice or anything you're not clear about. I'll try to answer them and fix them to the best of my abilities.
After escaping the basement of the school building and returning home, Zoey did not expect to find her entire family on the couch with that forehead flicking asshole. Zoey was a lot of things that she may or may not admit to if directly asked. Awkward, shy, non-confrontational, dense, slow, prone to overthinking, and etc. But it was pretty god damn obvious that something important was discussed between her family and the handsome asshole.
Everette looked at her with his eyes glowing like he was staring at his favorite idol. Her mom looked pissed. Zoey couldn’t tell what kind of expression was on her dad’s face. It was the first time she’s ever seen him troubled? She’s seen him in awkward situations but that face didn’t give the awkward feel. The asshole smirked at her with that same shit-eating grin he always had then gave a half-hearted wave.
“I honestly don’t even know where to start with you, Zoey Benjamin Winters!” Alicia couldn’t even stand to her feet. She sunk her face into her palms, unable to look at Zoey.
Zoey knew it wasn’t good when her mom used her full name...
“Why didn’t you tell us? Did you not trust us?” Bruce asked, Zoey could feel the hurt in his voice and that actually made her feel a little bad.
It was kind of messed up that her mom’s nearly crying voice did nothing for her emotions but hearing her dad sound hurt did. Bruce really wasn’t the type of person to be sad about things. Zoey could count the number of times she’s heard or seen him be really down about something on one hand. She basically expected to see Bruce with a smile on his face six days out of the week. Always generally cheerful or optimistic about something. Willing to share his joy with others or improve someone else’s day.
Zoey usually disliked people like that but Bruce was different. He was the man she was fine with calling Dad. They may not share blood but he’s been in her life a lot longer than her actual dad who dipped as soon as her mom found out she was pregnant. Seeing him like this and realizing that it may be her fault made her heart feel weird and heavy...
“I always knew you were fighting daemons but I didn’t know you could’ve died.” Everette helped clear up the picture somewhat.
“Ah, you found out.” Zoey blurted out.
“Yeah, we found out... We found out, Zoey.” Alicia took a deep sigh, trying to stop herself from crying.
“I tried to tell you, but who didn’t want to believe me?” Zoey wasn’t having any of her mom’s annoying crying.
“You call that trying?!” Alicia shouted.
“Maybe next time try believing your daughter instead of punishing her.” Zoey crossed her arms feeling a little irritated.
“So it’s my fault for not believing in magic?!”
“Who told you to be so ignorant? You don’t know everything in the world. Leprechauns and werewolves can be real for all we know. Just because no one has seen them doesn’t mean they don’t exist.” Zoey felt an urge to really give it to her mom right now.
All of the pain, frustration, and dislike she had for her mother ever since she was little felt like exploding outward. Zoey loved her mom but just because she loved her didn’t mean she liked her. They were two completely different people with similar faces. If anything, she felt closer to Bruce who didn’t even raise her! But she knew that would be going too far if she said something like that to her mother’s face...
Alicia couldn’t respond to Zoey’s sudden attack and only sobbed.
“What about me?” Bruce asked. “Why didn’t you try to talk to me about this stuff? You know how I get about magic and nerdy stuff. I can’t say I'd believe you without any definite proof but you know I'm always here to listen...” Bruce always knew how to get to Zoey.
“I was scared. I was scared you were going to be just like mom and not believe me either. And if I brought this stuff up with you, mom would find out and think I'm was trying to get my punishment reduced. It would’ve made everything awkward so, I just said screw it. Since only Everette believed me, he would be the only one in the family to know. Me and mom would just be mad at each other for a little bit before going on with our regular lives again.” Zoey explained, rubbing her arm and looking at the ground.
Bruce sighed. “I can’t blame you for thinking the way you did. It makes sense when you explain it like that. But Zoey, I have a question...” He looked into her eyes.
Zoey felt compelled to look back despite the nervousness in her heart.
“Why do you feel the need to risk your life like this? It can’t be the money, right?” He was genuinely curious.
“I like fighting. I like the feeling of smashing my fists into people’s bodies and faces. I like seeing myself get stronger. I like it so much that I find it hard to go back to how I used to be before I joined boxing. If I can’t fight anymore, I think I'd go crazy.” Zoey could hear the insanity in her words.
She usually only thinks about her craving but actually saying it out loud was another thing. If she had to go to therapy because she decided to share her honest thoughts with her family, she’d probably never open up to anyone ever again. Zoey instantly regretted sharing so much with her family but then again, it felt good saying the truth out loud for once. She really didn’t want to see how they’d react though...
“Okay, I think I can understand now...” Bruce rubbed his forehead. “Alicia. She’s afraid that you’re going to stop her from fighting. You’re going to take away her fighting as a punishment. And when you do that, she’ll rebel with everything she has.” Bruce explained it simply. “That rebellion can be something like her never talking to you again, running away from home, moving away from home, violence, crime, and more.”
“...” Alicia was speechless for the first time in her life.
Zoey didn’t say anything but she agreed with Bruce. She also never realized just how much she loved him too. He actually understood her! She loved her dad!
Zoey was 100% going to fight back against her mother if she tried to stop her from fighting daemons. That battle could be her going back to fighting delinquents and getting involved in criminal gangs. It could be her focusing everything she had on the YFTL or boxing. Regardless of what it was, Zoey was going to get her fighting fix from somewhere no matter what her mother said. Even if she had to fight her mother herself...
Maybe. Zoey couldn’t actually see herself hitting her mom even though she spanked her bottom countless times when she was little. So much resentment built up inside her from those spankings that she genuinely hated and wished horrible things for her mother back then. She has grown now and understood things that she didn’t when she was younger but that didn’t mean all the feelings she had from before just vanished from her heart. They were just buried or something. Zoey didn’t really know.
“I’m going to keep fighting even if you want me to stop, Mom.” Zoey left her with that.
“No matter what I say or how I feel, you’re going to do it anyway, right?” Alicia asked, tears still flowing from her eyes. Zoey nodded.
“F- Fine... Mister Victor, you can teach my baby how to protect herself from those monsters, right?” Alicia focused her gaze on the S-Grade Magjistar.
“The only thing you have to worry about for is her becoming too strong from my lessons.” Victor reassured his student’s worrisome mother.
“Please!” Alicia clasped Victor’s hand. “Teach her everything you know so that my baby doesn’t end up dying before me.” A strong motherly gaze stared into the magjistar’s.
“You got it, Miss Winters.” Victor’s head leaned back and he grinned at Zoey. “I won’t hold back at all.”
Everette really wanted to say that he wanted to learn magic with Zoey but he had a feeling his mom would shout at him if he said something like that right now. He’ll just ask Zoey to teach him later. The only things she wasn’t willing to share with him were her phone and computer! No, he did not know why she didn’t.
“When do her lessons start?” Bruce asked.
“I’ll have to create a whole new curriculum made just for Zoey. It’ll take some time but I'll let you know when I'm ready to take her. Here’s my number, call me anytime.” Victor gave them a card. “Before I go, I also should let you guys know about this. The OM should be sending out magjistars to protect your family from any threats by tomorrow. You can live your life as you always had, our magjistars won’t interfere in your daily life and will always be ready to step in if something happens. Whether that be against daemons, criminals, or just violent drunks.” He informed.
“Thank you.” Bruce grabbed Victor’s hand and firmly shook it.
“No problem.” Victor smiled. “I look forward to teaching your daughter.” He left out the door with those words.
‘Don’t I get a say in this?’ Zoey suddenly realized. When did she ever say she wanted to be taught by that asshole? And when the hell did he become so reliable in the eyes of her parents? It's because he’s fucking handsome, isn’t it? Handsome bastards really do play life on easy mode...
CaptainBoyHole
My biggest fear is that I'm missing some obvious part of this story and it totally breaks the immersion of the readers.
What I mean by that is, does any of the dialogue sound unnatural or do the developments of the characters/plot seem abrupt? I'm trying to make this story flow in a realistic manner in the way that people talk, interact, and bounce off of each other. So please feel free to comment if anything seems off.
