Chapter 171: Envy
21st December 1995, Hogwarts Earth 2
(Harry Potter POV)
Both Harry and Neville stiffened in shock, suddenly remembering a conversation they had a few months back with their Defense Professor. Neville mumbled, “I thought she wasn’t serious, that she was pushing me just to be better. I didn’t believe her.”
Harry nodded stupefied and watched as the note slowly turned to dust in Neville’s hand. Neville’s father looked at his son in curiosity, “Who’s this S? What bargain were they talking about?”
Before the boy could answer, the ward door slammed open, letting in half a dozen healers who ran towards the two recovering patients. He heard a few mutters of impossibility and miracles. But either way, Harry knew that it was time for him and his friends to leave. He motioned to Hermione and Ron and turned around towards the door, trying to do his best to quell the envy in his heart.
When Harry returned to Twelve Grimmauld Place, he was swirling with emotions. Neither he, Hermione or Ron told anyone about what happened with Neville’s parents. After all, they didn’t know that they were part of the Order of the Phoenix during the first war. Harry didn’t doubt that after some extreme tests, the Longbottoms’ miraculous recovery will probably be on the front page of the Prophet, and the credit will probably go to some big name healer who did nothing. The problem was that no one has ever recovered from a similar amount of Cruciatus exposure. Very few even survive such an ordeal, their bodies giving out from the strain. Harry had researched it when he found out about Neville’s parents' condition.
Ron and Hermione kept prattling on about grades and studies, Harry still couldn’t get the image of Neville’s reunited family out of his head. At first, when he had heard about what happened to Neville’s parents, he felt pity for the young man, as well as some compassion, being in a similar situation. It prompted him to get closer to Neville, who had suffered the same kind of loss for the same reason. That damn prophecy had taken Neville’s parents like it had taken Harry’s own.
But now, Neville had his parents back, now, he wasn’t alone anymore. Harry was officially, outside Voldemort, the person who had lost the most because of that damn prophecy. It’s a wonder what a few nonsensical words can do, ruin lives, orphan children. Not for the first time, Harry wondered what his life would have been like if there hadn’t been a prophecy, if Voldemort hadn’t targeted him personally. Would he be celebrating Christmas with his parents? Would he have siblings to dote on? Harry had always wanted a large family.
In the end, it didn’t change anything. Harry was alone. Well, not really, he still had Sirius, his damaged but very understanding godfather. The boy who lived walked up the stairs, ignoring the greetings from the rest of the people in the house, and went to Buckbeak’s room where Sirius was almost always holed up.
As usual, Harry bowed to the Hippogryph and just hugged Sirius, letting out all of the repressed emotions he had been holding onto during the ride back home.
Sirius looked surprised by the affection, which was reasonable, considering that Harry almost never initiated physical contact with anyone, courtesy of the Dursleys.
After a while, Sirius was the one who broke the silence, “What happened, Harry?”
“We just came back from St. Mungo’s. We were visiting Mr. Weasley.”
“Ah, Arthur. Is everything alright with him?”
Harry nodded distracted, “Yes, that’s fine. He’s pretty much healed up, they only wanted to keep him for observation, nothing more.”
“Then why the long face, pup?”
“We saw Neville’s parents…”
Sirius’ face immediately became sad, probably remembering what happened to his friends, “Ah, Frank and Alice. Frank was two years ahead of us in Hogwarts, probably drove him nuts over the years with our shenanigans. Scared the hell out of us a few times. He was one of the most understanding and honorable people I have ever had the joy of knowing. He was incorruptible. He had his morals, and they were absolute. He was one of the fiercest fighters in the Auror force. Alice though, was one of the few genuinely nice persons I have ever met. They were both crazy about each other. Frank had a lot of admirers, being the heir to the Longbottom fortune and everything, but ever since the two of them had met each other, everyone knew that they would end up together. What happened to them was one of the worst fates I know, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I wish I could at least see them one last time, even though it would probably break my heart.”
Harry snorted, “Well, that shouldn’t be a problem anymore. They’re cured.”
The dog Animagus tried to speak a few times, spluttering every time, “But how… It’s impossible… The Cruciatus…”
Harry sighed, “Sayre did it. She used the promise of healing them to encourage Neville into taking things a little more seriously at school. He got a lot better at magic, turns out it was because he’s been using his dad’s wand instead of one that chose him. He’s almost at the top of the class now. I looked up what happened to them, after I found out about them. I thought she was just messing with him, giving him an empty promise just to motivate him, push him into becoming better.”
Sirius was still gaping, “But no one has ever recovered from something like this before…”
“I remember her saying something about it being soul magic or something.”
The dog Animagus started to whoop and laugh out in joy, “Frank and Alice are back. They’re back. Oh, Merlin, that’s got to be the best news I’ve ever heard ever since I got out of Azkaban. We need to tell everyone; we need to celebrate. This couldn’t have come at a better time; the Order will need them.”
Harry immediately stopped Sirius’ celebration, “Sirius, they won’t be joining the Order anytime soon. You didn’t see them, they were barely more than skin and bones, they were barely walking without shaking, and that’s outside the Cruciatus nerve damage. It’s going to take a while to get them back to normal conditions, let alone getting them fit enough to fight Death Eaters.”
Sirius’ shoulders slumped, “Yeah, I kinda got ahead of myself. I was just excited that I’ll get to see some old friends again,” he then gave Harry a weird look, “but what I don’t understand is why you were so sad about this?”
Harry looked down in shame, “It’s just that, it’s not fair, is it?”
Sirius stayed silent while Harry was getting worked up, “Why couldn’t it have happened to me? Why couldn’t I have my parents back? It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted in my life. I know that I have you, and that’s perfectly alright, but it’s different, you know. I feel like the universe owes me, after all the suffering I had from the Dursleys, all the nights I stayed starving in the cupboard they locked me into, all the nights I dreamed of ever seeing my parents even once, after the shit that I have had to deal with every year, from Trolls, to possessed professors to Basilisks, to Dementors, to Acromantula, to Dragons, to Voldemort himself, that I deserve to have something good to happen to me. I hate the fact that the stupid prophecy Dumbledore is obsessed with has taken everything from me and given me nothing but suffering in return. I’m just tired of seeing everyone win but me.”
In the end, Harry was yelling he lungs out, and gasping from the release of emotions. He wanted to hit something, blast everything to smithereens.
Sirius though, looked at him like he understood exactly he was talking about, “You know, I felt the same way once. As you probably know, I didn’t have a nice childhood. My parents were horrible, well, my mother was, my father just didn’t care. I was raised to be a bigot, to hate everything that wasn’t pureblood, and I was cursed for every word of defiance I ever said back to them. Like you, Hogwarts was an escape for me, and I held onto all this rage, all this unfairness at my situation, and I let them out at anyone that represented my mother in school. I became a bully, pretending to be a prankster. I see that now. After your parents died, I was alone; I had lost everything. Your parents were my family too, far more family than my blood one ever was. I’m not saying that I didn’t like Regulus, but we barely spoke to each other by the time we were teenagers. I loved him and mourned him when he died, but I was a lot closer to your father. I let all of my emotions guide me towards Wormtail, to avenge them and you know what happened next. It’s alright to be angry at the world Harry, it’s absolutely fine. But what you need to understand, is that all this repressed anger, hate, everything that’s bubbling inside you, it could destroy you in the long run. I understand that you’re envious of Neville getting his parents back, but isn’t it better than none of you getting your parents back?”
Harry sighed and nodded, “Yes, I guess it is.”
“Remember, Alice is also you godmother. You gained another family member because of this.”
The last Potter straightened at this, “I forgot about that.”
Sirius snickered at his response, “I’m sure she’ll be dying to meet you properly. Believe me, you’ll never meet a woman as kind and as understanding as Alice Longbottom. So, get ready for an invite soon enough. She could even get you to move out of those Muggles. After all, she’s not an escaped convict.”
Harry shook his head, “Dumbledore wouldn’t allow it. He would tangle everything at the hospital just to make sure I stay under the blood wards. He’s absolutely resolute about this. I don’t think anything could ever change his mind about that.”
The Marauder looked angry at that, but then grinned at his godson, “Enough about depressive topics. How about we let off some steam?”
Harry looked at him questioningly, wary about what his godfather had cooked up, “What is it now, Padfoot?”
“Well, I guess you could call it a little Christmas present, but I finally finished with the dueling room wards in the basement. Kreature finally finished clearing everything out, and I made sure that the enchantments would still hold up.”
Harry perked up at this, “You mean you want us to duel?”
“Well, someone has to make sure you know which end of the wand to hold.”
“As if, I could probably kick your arse, old man. When’s the last time you’ve been in a fight?”
Sirius burst into laughter, “I might be a bit past my prime, but I can still beat some little punk like you with no problems. You know what they say, experience trumps youth every time. You only have to look at Dumbledore to confirm this.”
“Come off it, Sirius. After training with Sayre every day, I have enough experience to kick your arse.”
Sirius stopped laughing at this and looked, for lack of a better word, serious, “Well, I am a bit curious about that. I wonder how much she taught you. Her skills are a bit of a mystery even to me.”
Harry snorted, “Try having her teach you anything, you’ll feel like you’re a first year learning a Lumos for the first time. She probably forgot more about magic than both of us have learnt combined. I still can’t believe she healed the Longbottoms.”
“Yeah, me neither, pup. Me neither.”
They snuck down to the dueling room and started sparring. Sirius was very out of shape, magically and physically, but with every duel, he seemed to get better. Considering that Harry was pretty much beating him without issues at the start, and that they ended up with a few stalemates in the end, with Harry going all out by then, using every trick in the book just to try and survive a duel with his godfather. The Marauder was a very good dueler, with a lot of tricks up his sleeves, probably from his time as an Auror.
By the last duel, Sirius ended up defeating the fifth year, grinning at him, “I’m a lot more out of shape than I thought. You’re very impressive, pup, like seriously, you’d probably beat half the Auror recruits in my day. Sayre’s been doing some good work with you. I can’t believe you’re just a fifth year. Why don’t we make this a daily thing until you go back to school? I could definitely use the work out, and I could teach you a few new tricks.”
Harry smiled at his godfather, “I’d like that.”
The dueling session took out every piece of aggression that was in his mind. It was a good way to cope. And maybe he didn’t have his parents back like Neville, but looking at Sirius’ grinning face, maybe it was time to move on with his life. The dog Animagus knew exactly what he needed to calm down, and maybe having a godfather like Sirius would be enough for him.
Chapter 171: Envy
21st December 1995, Hogwarts Earth 2
(Harry Potter POV)
Both Harry and Neville stiffened in shock, suddenly remembering a conversation they had a few months back with their Defense Professor. Neville mumbled, “I thought she wasn’t serious, that she was pushing me just to be better. I didn’t believe her.”
Harry nodded stupefied and watched as the note slowly turned to dust in Neville’s hand. Neville’s father looked at his son in curiosity, “Who’s this S? What bargain were they talking about?”
Before the boy could answer, the ward door slammed open, letting in half a dozen healers who ran towards the two recovering patients. He heard a few mutters of impossibility and miracles. But either way, Harry knew that it was time for him and his friends to leave. He motioned to Hermione and Ron and turned around towards the door, trying to do his best to quell the envy in his heart.
When Harry returned to Twelve Grimmauld Place, he was swirling with emotions. Neither he, Hermione or Ron told anyone about what happened with Neville’s parents. After all, they didn’t know that they were part of the Order of the Phoenix during the first war. Harry didn’t doubt that after some extreme tests, the Longbottoms’ miraculous recovery will probably be on the front page of the Prophet, and the credit will probably go to some big name healer who did nothing. The problem was that no one has ever recovered from a similar amount of Cruciatus exposure. Very few even survive such an ordeal, their bodies giving out from the strain. Harry had researched it when he found out about Neville’s parents' condition.
Ron and Hermione kept prattling on about grades and studies, Harry still couldn’t get the image of Neville’s reunited family out of his head. At first, when he had heard about what happened to Neville’s parents, he felt pity for the young man, as well as some compassion, being in a similar situation. It prompted him to get closer to Neville, who had suffered the same kind of loss for the same reason. That damn prophecy had taken Neville’s parents like it had taken Harry’s own.
But now, Neville had his parents back, now, he wasn’t alone anymore. Harry was officially, outside Voldemort, the person who had lost the most because of that damn prophecy. It’s a wonder what a few nonsensical words can do, ruin lives, orphan children. Not for the first time, Harry wondered what his life would have been like if there hadn’t been a prophecy, if Voldemort hadn’t targeted him personally. Would he be celebrating Christmas with his parents? Would he have siblings to dote on? Harry had always wanted a large family.
In the end, it didn’t change anything. Harry was alone. Well, not really, he still had Sirius, his damaged but very understanding godfather. The boy who lived walked up the stairs, ignoring the greetings from the rest of the people in the house, and went to Buckbeak’s room where Sirius was almost always holed up.
As usual, Harry bowed to the Hippogryph and just hugged Sirius, letting out all of the repressed emotions he had been holding onto during the ride back home.
Sirius looked surprised by the affection, which was reasonable, considering that Harry almost never initiated physical contact with anyone, courtesy of the Dursleys.
After a while, Sirius was the one who broke the silence, “What happened, Harry?”
“We just came back from St. Mungo’s. We were visiting Mr. Weasley.”
“Ah, Arthur. Is everything alright with him?”
Harry nodded distracted, “Yes, that’s fine. He’s pretty much healed up, they only wanted to keep him for observation, nothing more.”
“Then why the long face, pup?”
“We saw Neville’s parents…”
Sirius’ face immediately became sad, probably remembering what happened to his friends, “Ah, Frank and Alice. Frank was two years ahead of us in Hogwarts, probably drove him nuts over the years with our shenanigans. Scared the hell out of us a few times. He was one of the most understanding and honorable people I have ever had the joy of knowing. He was incorruptible. He had his morals, and they were absolute. He was one of the fiercest fighters in the Auror force. Alice though, was one of the few genuinely nice persons I have ever met. They were both crazy about each other. Frank had a lot of admirers, being the heir to the Longbottom fortune and everything, but ever since the two of them had met each other, everyone knew that they would end up together. What happened to them was one of the worst fates I know, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I wish I could at least see them one last time, even though it would probably break my heart.”
Harry snorted, “Well, that shouldn’t be a problem anymore. They’re cured.”
The dog Animagus tried to speak a few times, spluttering every time, “But how… It’s impossible… The Cruciatus…”
Harry sighed, “Sayre did it. She used the promise of healing them to encourage Neville into taking things a little more seriously at school. He got a lot better at magic, turns out it was because he’s been using his dad’s wand instead of one that chose him. He’s almost at the top of the class now. I looked up what happened to them, after I found out about them. I thought she was just messing with him, giving him an empty promise just to motivate him, push him into becoming better.”
Sirius was still gaping, “But no one has ever recovered from something like this before…”
“I remember her saying something about it being soul magic or something.”
The dog Animagus started to whoop and laugh out in joy, “Frank and Alice are back. They’re back. Oh, Merlin, that’s got to be the best news I’ve ever heard ever since I got out of Azkaban. We need to tell everyone; we need to celebrate. This couldn’t have come at a better time; the Order will need them.”
Harry immediately stopped Sirius’ celebration, “Sirius, they won’t be joining the Order anytime soon. You didn’t see them, they were barely more than skin and bones, they were barely walking without shaking, and that’s outside the Cruciatus nerve damage. It’s going to take a while to get them back to normal conditions, let alone getting them fit enough to fight Death Eaters.”
Sirius’ shoulders slumped, “Yeah, I kinda got ahead of myself. I was just excited that I’ll get to see some old friends again,” he then gave Harry a weird look, “but what I don’t understand is why you were so sad about this?”
Harry looked down in shame, “It’s just that, it’s not fair, is it?”
Sirius stayed silent while Harry was getting worked up, “Why couldn’t it have happened to me? Why couldn’t I have my parents back? It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted in my life. I know that I have you, and that’s perfectly alright, but it’s different, you know. I feel like the universe owes me, after all the suffering I had from the Dursleys, all the nights I stayed starving in the cupboard they locked me into, all the nights I dreamed of ever seeing my parents even once, after the shit that I have had to deal with every year, from Trolls, to possessed professors to Basilisks, to Dementors, to Acromantula, to Dragons, to Voldemort himself, that I deserve to have something good to happen to me. I hate the fact that the stupid prophecy Dumbledore is obsessed with has taken everything from me and given me nothing but suffering in return. I’m just tired of seeing everyone win but me.”
In the end, Harry was yelling he lungs out, and gasping from the release of emotions. He wanted to hit something, blast everything to smithereens.
Sirius though, looked at him like he understood exactly he was talking about, “You know, I felt the same way once. As you probably know, I didn’t have a nice childhood. My parents were horrible, well, my mother was, my father just didn’t care. I was raised to be a bigot, to hate everything that wasn’t pureblood, and I was cursed for every word of defiance I ever said back to them. Like you, Hogwarts was an escape for me, and I held onto all this rage, all this unfairness at my situation, and I let them out at anyone that represented my mother in school. I became a bully, pretending to be a prankster. I see that now. After your parents died, I was alone; I had lost everything. Your parents were my family too, far more family than my blood one ever was. I’m not saying that I didn’t like Regulus, but we barely spoke to each other by the time we were teenagers. I loved him and mourned him when he died, but I was a lot closer to your father. I let all of my emotions guide me towards Wormtail, to avenge them and you know what happened next. It’s alright to be angry at the world Harry, it’s absolutely fine. But what you need to understand, is that all this repressed anger, hate, everything that’s bubbling inside you, it could destroy you in the long run. I understand that you’re envious of Neville getting his parents back, but isn’t it better than none of you getting your parents back?”
Harry sighed and nodded, “Yes, I guess it is.”
“Remember, Alice is also you godmother. You gained another family member because of this.”
The last Potter straightened at this, “I forgot about that.”
Sirius snickered at his response, “I’m sure she’ll be dying to meet you properly. Believe me, you’ll never meet a woman as kind and as understanding as Alice Longbottom. So, get ready for an invite soon enough. She could even get you to move out of those Muggles. After all, she’s not an escaped convict.”
Harry shook his head, “Dumbledore wouldn’t allow it. He would tangle everything at the hospital just to make sure I stay under the blood wards. He’s absolutely resolute about this. I don’t think anything could ever change his mind about that.”
The Marauder looked angry at that, but then grinned at his godson, “Enough about depressive topics. How about we let off some steam?”
Harry looked at him questioningly, wary about what his godfather had cooked up, “What is it now, Padfoot?”
“Well, I guess you could call it a little Christmas present, but I finally finished with the dueling room wards in the basement. Kreature finally finished clearing everything out, and I made sure that the enchantments would still hold up.”
Harry perked up at this, “You mean you want us to duel?”
“Well, someone has to make sure you know which end of the wand to hold.”
“As if, I could probably kick your arse, old man. When’s the last time you’ve been in a fight?”
Sirius burst into laughter, “I might be a bit past my prime, but I can still beat some little punk like you with no problems. You know what they say, experience trumps youth every time. You only have to look at Dumbledore to confirm this.”
“Come off it, Sirius. After training with Sayre every day, I have enough experience to kick your arse.”
Sirius stopped laughing at this and looked, for lack of a better word, serious, “Well, I am a bit curious about that. I wonder how much she taught you. Her skills are a bit of a mystery even to me.”
Harry snorted, “Try having her teach you anything, you’ll feel like you’re a first year learning a Lumos for the first time. She probably forgot more about magic than both of us have learnt combined. I still can’t believe she healed the Longbottoms.”
“Yeah, me neither, pup. Me neither.”
They snuck down to the dueling room and started sparring. Sirius was very out of shape, magically and physically, but with every duel, he seemed to get better. Considering that Harry was pretty much beating him without issues at the start, and that they ended up with a few stalemates in the end, with Harry going all out by then, using every trick in the book just to try and survive a duel with his godfather. The Marauder was a very good dueler, with a lot of tricks up his sleeves, probably from his time as an Auror.
By the last duel, Sirius ended up defeating the fifth year, grinning at him, “I’m a lot more out of shape than I thought. You’re very impressive, pup, like seriously, you’d probably beat half the Auror recruits in my day. Sayre’s been doing some good work with you. I can’t believe you’re just a fifth year. Why don’t we make this a daily thing until you go back to school? I could definitely use the work out, and I could teach you a few new tricks.”
Harry smiled at his godfather, “I’d like that.”
The dueling session took out every piece of aggression that was in his mind. It was a good way to cope. And maybe he didn’t have his parents back like Neville, but looking at Sirius’ grinning face, maybe it was time to move on with his life. The dog Animagus knew exactly what he needed to calm down, and maybe having a godfather like Sirius would be enough for him.
