Chapter 125: 125 Finding Purpose
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125 Finding Purpose
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Merry Christmas!
*****
~ JAYAH ~
Eventually they rolled to their sides and lay facing each other. Skhal placed his hand under her head to cushion it because they hadn’t moved far enough up the fur to reach the small pillow he’d brought. She was pleased by the gesture, so sweet and thoughtful. So once he cupped her cheek, she turned her face to kiss his strong palm slowly. The smile that lit his face made her belly tingle.
“I’m not the only impossible one,” he muttered gruffly, his lips still twitching into smiles. “I just… I thank the Creator for you, Jayah. You are a miracle.”
He pulled her back into his chest then and they held each other for a long time. When they finally rolled apart, it was only to stare at each other again.
She wished that they could just stay there. Never leave. Bury themselves in that cave and ignore the world, but they couldn’t.
And while the shoving, niggling pressure she’d been feeling for days had finally eased, she wasn’t left at rest.
.....
Skhal sighed heavily and stroked her cheek. “Are you well, my mate?” he asked, so sweetly.
“Yes, very well,” Jayah smiled.
“Are you at peace?”
“Yes… I don’t think I’ve ever felt more peaceful.”
“The driving, it’s gone?” he asked, his eyes pinched with worry.
Jayah examined herself… that feeling of pressure had changed. As if something had fallen into place. Something important. But there was still a niggling sense of something not yet finished. “I’m not being pressed anymore, but there’s still… something to do?” she whispered.
He sighed and nodded. He slumped again, burying his face in her neck.
“What is it?” she asked, alarmed.
“I need to ask for your forgiveness,” he rasped.
Jayah tensed. “What, why?”
Skhal pulled away, pushing up onto one elbow to hover over her, staring at her like she was the answer to every question in his life—but as if he was afraid she didn’t want to be. “I have to ask your forgiveness… Because what I’m about to ask you will go against every one of your instincts and honor… but I need you to trust me that it is absolutely necessary.”
Jayah braced, ready for whatever he might say. “Tell me.”
Skhal gave a small smile. “I should have known the Creator would give me a female with impressive fortitude.”
Jayah snorted, but his smile faded quickly.
“Jayah, I have to get Zev out of that place. We can’t wait any longer. He’s literally going to lose his mind—and if he does, he becomes a threat to everyone. Not just your people.”
Jayah sighed. “I was worried about that. It’s exactly why I was coming for the Chimera, to try and convince them to cross for peace, to negotiate to get him out.”
Skhal shook his head. “Our plan to bring an emissary to your Queen, it’s going to take too long. I got close enough this morning to mindlink with Zev. He’s already on the edge—he’s beyond the edge. He’s falling back into the mind they taught him in his assassination training. The things the humans did to him... they taught him to switch off his heart. He goes dark. He showed me some of what happened in Thana before he and Sasha arrived… he was already in a bad place. But now… now he’s worse.”
Jayah sighed, stroking his chest. “I know the sadness… the darkness of soldiers.”
But Skhal only frowned. “Not this one. He’s no normal soldier.”
Jayah blew out a breath. She’d sensed something in the male that she hadn’t really seen before, but didn’t know what it was. “So what do you need me to do? How can we save him?”
Skhal blinked, stunned. “Just like that? Jayah, what I’m asking… I’m asking you to go against your Queen—who would consider this treason, I’m sure. And you will just do that? Just like that? For me?”
Jayah pressed her lips together. “If our goal is to heal a broken male, and heal the rift between our peoples, I cannot see that as treason. But also… I follow the Creator’s plan. He has pressed me to you. My Queen is not… balanced either. Sometimes we all need someone to show us the way. If I can help stop the crisis, I will do it. I already planned to do it. My only fear now is with the bond complete, how it might affect you if I am… harmed.”
“Or I am,” he said quietly.
They stared at each other, both of them holding tighter to the other.
‘I’ve never had anything to lose before,’ Skhal said gruffly through the link.
‘Me either.’
They held each other, breathing and praying. Then Jayah pressed him. “What do you need?”
“A way to get them out without killing anyone.”
Jayah thought, then frowned. “Are you skilled at picking locks?”
“Yes.”
“If I could… clear the path safely, could you get him and his family away?”
“Yes.”
Her conscience pricked when she imagined what they discussed. Jayah got up and began to pace the cave, but every thought trail led her back to that conversation with Behryn, and the drive she’d had to get to her mate, to complete the bond.
It seemed that the bond increased her danger—because others would likely scent it on her. And yet… “I will do it.”
Skhal, who’d stayed sitting in the furs, watching her, got up immediately and hurried to her. “I’m asking this and I need it, but I don’t want to make you go against your conscience. Not if you can see another way.”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it? You smell… reluctant.”
She let her chin turn up to hold his gaze. “It’s danger. And I suddenly find myself selfish. I’m… reluctant to lose you so quickly.”
Skhal blew out a breath, then pulled her in and kissed her. “The Creator got us this far, Jayah, he’ll get us through the rest too. We’ll get them out. He’ll know you’re an ally then, so when you come with us—”
“I can’t, Skhal. They’ll notice. I need to be there to help in the aftermath.”
Skhal jerked. “No, Jayah, I can’t leave you there with them. They’ll kill you!”
“I don’t think they will. But even if they do… it’s the only way I can continue to work. Elreth—the Queen—there’s a risk she would see this as an attack and declare war. Someone needs to be there who knows what happened. Who can keep things calm from that side—”
“Jayah, no. You don’t understand!” his voice was hushed, but he stared down at her, his intensity prickling. She could feel the tension in him—the fear, for her. “If I misjudge this and he kills someone on our way out, anyone who had anything to do with this will be dead. It’s what I would do if I was Alpha. We can’t risk that.”
“We have to.”
“No! I’ll do everything I can to stop Zev hurting anyone. But I’ve been in enough tight spots to know we can’t anticipate everything. If this goes wrong, it’s war. I can’t have you on the other side of the line,” he insisted.
But Jayah was resolute. “If I leave they’ll know it was me who betrayed them. We’ll lose my access to the royals. I can give you so much, Skhal. Help so much just by being close to them. We have to solve this, not just shift the conflict. We have to bring them together.”
Skhal looked emotional. “But… that means…”
Jayah nodded, taking a deep breath. “We’ll remain separated for a time. But if we’re successful, we’ll never have to be apart again.”
Skhal stared at her, his forehead pinched. Then, without another word, he pulled her in and kissed her, holding her tightly, curling himself around her.
And when he broke the kiss, it was to whisper in her ear. “I knew the Creator brought me a fierce female… but your courage humbles me, Jayah. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t have the strength to choose it this way.”
Jayah kept her words to herself and kissed him—even more desperately than before. Because she didn’t feel brave. She felt terrified… but not of death. Death had never frightened her. No… now she was terrified to lose him—and terrified of how it might change her actions and intentions if he stepped into danger.
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125 Finding Purpose
If you’re seeing this message on 10 December in the USA, (11 December internationally), you’ve purchased top tier privilege and earned a letter from Tarkyn! Comment below so I can confirm that you have access, then email me on with your address! (You don’t have to do it again if you’ve already messaged earlier.)
Merry Christmas!
*****
~ JAYAH ~
Eventually they rolled to their sides and lay facing each other. Skhal placed his hand under her head to cushion it because they hadn’t moved far enough up the fur to reach the small pillow he’d brought. She was pleased by the gesture, so sweet and thoughtful. So once he cupped her cheek, she turned her face to kiss his strong palm slowly. The smile that lit his face made her belly tingle.
“I’m not the only impossible one,” he muttered gruffly, his lips still twitching into smiles. “I just… I thank the Creator for you, Jayah. You are a miracle.”
He pulled her back into his chest then and they held each other for a long time. When they finally rolled apart, it was only to stare at each other again.
She wished that they could just stay there. Never leave. Bury themselves in that cave and ignore the world, but they couldn’t.
And while the shoving, niggling pressure she’d been feeling for days had finally eased, she wasn’t left at rest.
.....
Skhal sighed heavily and stroked her cheek. “Are you well, my mate?” he asked, so sweetly.
“Yes, very well,” Jayah smiled.
“Are you at peace?”
“Yes… I don’t think I’ve ever felt more peaceful.”
“The driving, it’s gone?” he asked, his eyes pinched with worry.
Jayah examined herself… that feeling of pressure had changed. As if something had fallen into place. Something important. But there was still a niggling sense of something not yet finished. “I’m not being pressed anymore, but there’s still… something to do?” she whispered.
He sighed and nodded. He slumped again, burying his face in her neck.
“What is it?” she asked, alarmed.
“I need to ask for your forgiveness,” he rasped.
Jayah tensed. “What, why?”
Skhal pulled away, pushing up onto one elbow to hover over her, staring at her like she was the answer to every question in his life—but as if he was afraid she didn’t want to be. “I have to ask your forgiveness… Because what I’m about to ask you will go against every one of your instincts and honor… but I need you to trust me that it is absolutely necessary.”
Jayah braced, ready for whatever he might say. “Tell me.”
Skhal gave a small smile. “I should have known the Creator would give me a female with impressive fortitude.”
Jayah snorted, but his smile faded quickly.
“Jayah, I have to get Zev out of that place. We can’t wait any longer. He’s literally going to lose his mind—and if he does, he becomes a threat to everyone. Not just your people.”
Jayah sighed. “I was worried about that. It’s exactly why I was coming for the Chimera, to try and convince them to cross for peace, to negotiate to get him out.”
Skhal shook his head. “Our plan to bring an emissary to your Queen, it’s going to take too long. I got close enough this morning to mindlink with Zev. He’s already on the edge—he’s beyond the edge. He’s falling back into the mind they taught him in his assassination training. The things the humans did to him... they taught him to switch off his heart. He goes dark. He showed me some of what happened in Thana before he and Sasha arrived… he was already in a bad place. But now… now he’s worse.”
Jayah sighed, stroking his chest. “I know the sadness… the darkness of soldiers.”
But Skhal only frowned. “Not this one. He’s no normal soldier.”
Jayah blew out a breath. She’d sensed something in the male that she hadn’t really seen before, but didn’t know what it was. “So what do you need me to do? How can we save him?”
Skhal blinked, stunned. “Just like that? Jayah, what I’m asking… I’m asking you to go against your Queen—who would consider this treason, I’m sure. And you will just do that? Just like that? For me?”
Jayah pressed her lips together. “If our goal is to heal a broken male, and heal the rift between our peoples, I cannot see that as treason. But also… I follow the Creator’s plan. He has pressed me to you. My Queen is not… balanced either. Sometimes we all need someone to show us the way. If I can help stop the crisis, I will do it. I already planned to do it. My only fear now is with the bond complete, how it might affect you if I am… harmed.”
“Or I am,” he said quietly.
They stared at each other, both of them holding tighter to the other.
‘I’ve never had anything to lose before,’ Skhal said gruffly through the link.
‘Me either.’
They held each other, breathing and praying. Then Jayah pressed him. “What do you need?”
“A way to get them out without killing anyone.”
Jayah thought, then frowned. “Are you skilled at picking locks?”
“Yes.”
“If I could… clear the path safely, could you get him and his family away?”
“Yes.”
Her conscience pricked when she imagined what they discussed. Jayah got up and began to pace the cave, but every thought trail led her back to that conversation with Behryn, and the drive she’d had to get to her mate, to complete the bond.
It seemed that the bond increased her danger—because others would likely scent it on her. And yet… “I will do it.”
Skhal, who’d stayed sitting in the furs, watching her, got up immediately and hurried to her. “I’m asking this and I need it, but I don’t want to make you go against your conscience. Not if you can see another way.”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it? You smell… reluctant.”
She let her chin turn up to hold his gaze. “It’s danger. And I suddenly find myself selfish. I’m… reluctant to lose you so quickly.”
Skhal blew out a breath, then pulled her in and kissed her. “The Creator got us this far, Jayah, he’ll get us through the rest too. We’ll get them out. He’ll know you’re an ally then, so when you come with us—”
“I can’t, Skhal. They’ll notice. I need to be there to help in the aftermath.”
Skhal jerked. “No, Jayah, I can’t leave you there with them. They’ll kill you!”
“I don’t think they will. But even if they do… it’s the only way I can continue to work. Elreth—the Queen—there’s a risk she would see this as an attack and declare war. Someone needs to be there who knows what happened. Who can keep things calm from that side—”
“Jayah, no. You don’t understand!” his voice was hushed, but he stared down at her, his intensity prickling. She could feel the tension in him—the fear, for her. “If I misjudge this and he kills someone on our way out, anyone who had anything to do with this will be dead. It’s what I would do if I was Alpha. We can’t risk that.”
“We have to.”
“No! I’ll do everything I can to stop Zev hurting anyone. But I’ve been in enough tight spots to know we can’t anticipate everything. If this goes wrong, it’s war. I can’t have you on the other side of the line,” he insisted.
But Jayah was resolute. “If I leave they’ll know it was me who betrayed them. We’ll lose my access to the royals. I can give you so much, Skhal. Help so much just by being close to them. We have to solve this, not just shift the conflict. We have to bring them together.”
Skhal looked emotional. “But… that means…”
Jayah nodded, taking a deep breath. “We’ll remain separated for a time. But if we’re successful, we’ll never have to be apart again.”
Skhal stared at her, his forehead pinched. Then, without another word, he pulled her in and kissed her, holding her tightly, curling himself around her.
And when he broke the kiss, it was to whisper in her ear. “I knew the Creator brought me a fierce female… but your courage humbles me, Jayah. I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t have the strength to choose it this way.”
Jayah kept her words to herself and kissed him—even more desperately than before. Because she didn’t feel brave. She felt terrified… but not of death. Death had never frightened her. No… now she was terrified to lose him—and terrified of how it might change her actions and intentions if he stepped into danger.
125 Finding PurposeIf you're seeing this message on 10 December in the USA, 11 December internationally, you've purchased top tier privilege and earned a letter from Tarkyn! Comment below so I can confirm that you have access, then email me on with your address! You don't have to do it again if you've already messaged earlier.Merry Christmas!*****~ JAYAH ~Eventually they rolled to their sides and lay facing each other. Skhal placed his hand under her head to cushion it because they hadn't moved far enough up the fur to reach the small pillow he'd brought. She was pleased by the gesture, so sweet and thoughtful. So once he cupped her cheek, she turned her face to kiss his strong palm slowly. The smile that lit his face made her belly tingle.I'm not the only impossible one, he muttered gruffly, his lips still twitching into smiles. I just I thank the Creator for you, Jayah. You are a miracle.He pulled her back into his chest then and they held each other for a long time. When they finally rolled apart, it was only to stare at each other again.She wished that they could just stay there. Never leave. Bury themselves in that cave and ignore the world, but they couldn't.And while the shoving, niggling pressure she'd been feeling for days had finally eased, she wasn't left at rest......Skhal sighed heavily and stroked her cheek. Are you well, my mate? he asked, so sweetly.Yes, very well, Jayah smiled.Are you at peace?Yes I don't think I've ever felt more peaceful.The driving, it's gone? he asked, his eyes pinched with worry.Jayah examined herself that feeling of pressure had changed. As if something had fallen into place. Something important. But there was still a niggling sense of something not yet finished. I'm not being pressed anymore, but there's still something to do? she whispered.He sighed and nodded. He slumped again, burying his face in her neck.What is it? she asked, alarmed.I need to ask for your forgiveness, he rasped. Jayah tensed. What, why?Skhal pulled away, pushing up onto one elbow to hover over her, staring at her like she was the answer to every question in his lifebut as if he was afraid she didn't want to be. I have to ask your forgiveness Because what I'm about to ask you will go against every one of your instincts and honor but I need you to trust me that it is absolutely necessary.Jayah braced, ready for whatever he might say. Tell me.Skhal gave a small smile. I should have known the Creator would give me a female with impressive fortitude.Jayah snorted, but his smile faded quickly.Jayah, I have to get Zev out of that place. We can't wait any longer. He's literally going to lose his mindand if he does, he becomes a threat to everyone. Not just your people.Jayah sighed. I was worried about that. It's exactly why I was coming for the Chimera, to try and convince them to cross for peace, to negotiate to get him out.Skhal shook his head. Our plan to bring an emissary to your Queen, it's going to take too long. I got close enough this morning to mindlink with Zev. He's already on the edgehe's beyond the edge. He's falling back into the mind they taught him in his assassination training. The things the humans did to him... they taught him to switch off his heart. He goes dark. He showed me some of what happened in Thana before he and Sasha arrived he was already in a bad place. But now now he's worse.Jayah sighed, stroking his chest. I know the sadness the darkness of soldiers.But Skhal only frowned. Not this one. He's no normal soldier.Jayah blew out a breath. She'd sensed something in the male that she hadn't really seen before, but didn't know what it was. So what do you need me to do? How can we save him?Skhal blinked, stunned. Just like that? Jayah, what I'm asking I'm asking you to go against your Queenwho would consider this treason, I'm sure. And you will just do that? Just like that? For me?Jayah pressed her lips together. If our goal is to heal a broken male, and heal the rift between our peoples, I cannot see that as treason. But also I follow the Creator's plan. He has pressed me to you. My Queen is not balanced either. Sometimes we all need someone to show us the way. If I can help stop the crisis, I will do it. I already planned to do it. My only fear now is with the bond complete, how it might affect you if I am harmed.Or I am, he said quietly.They stared at each other, both of them holding tighter to the other.I've never had anything to lose before,' Skhal said gruffly through the link.Me either.'They held each other, breathing and praying. Then Jayah pressed him. What do you need?A way to get them out without killing anyone.Jayah thought, then frowned. Are you skilled at picking locks?Yes.If I could clear the path safely, could you get him and his family away?Yes.Her conscience pricked when she imagined what they discussed. Jayah got up and began to pace the cave, but every thought trail led her back to that conversation with Behryn, and the drive she'd had to get to her mate, to complete the bond.It seemed that the bond increased her dangerbecause others would likely scent it on her. And yet I will do it.Skhal, who'd stayed sitting in the furs, watching her, got up immediately and hurried to her. I'm asking this and I need it, but I don't want to make you go against your conscience. Not if you can see another way.It's not that.Then what is it? You smell reluctant.She let her chin turn up to hold his gaze. It's danger. And I suddenly find myself selfish. I'm reluctant to lose you so quickly.Skhal blew out a breath, then pulled her in and kissed her. The Creator got us this far, Jayah, he'll get us through the rest too. We'll get them out. He'll know you're an ally then, so when you come with usI can't, Skhal. They'll notice. I need to be there to help in the aftermath.Skhal jerked. No, Jayah, I can't leave you there with them. They'll kill you!I don't think they will. But even if they do it's the only way I can continue to work. Elreththe Queenthere's a risk she would see this as an attack and declare war. Someone needs to be there who knows what happened. Who can keep things calm from that sideJayah, no. You don't understand! his voice was hushed, but he stared down at her, his intensity prickling. She could feel the tension in himthe fear, for her. If I misjudge this and he kills someone on our way out, anyone who had anything to do with this will be dead. It's what I would do if I was Alpha. We can't risk that.We have to.No! I'll do everything I can to stop Zev hurting anyone. But I've been in enough tight spots to know we can't anticipate everything. If this goes wrong, it's war. I can't have you on the other side of the line, he insisted.But Jayah was resolute. If I leave they'll know it was me who betrayed them. We'll lose my access to the royals. I can give you so much, Skhal. Help so much just by being close to them. We have to solve this, not just shift the conflict. We have to bring them together.Skhal looked emotional. But that meansJayah nodded, taking a deep breath. We'll remain separated for a time. But if we're successful, we'll never have to be apart again.Skhal stared at her, his forehead pinched. Then, without another word, he pulled her in and kissed her, holding her tightly, curling himself around her.And when he broke the kiss, it was to whisper in her ear. I knew the Creator brought me a fierce female but your courage humbles me, Jayah. I wouldn't I wouldn't have the strength to choose it this way.Jayah kept her words to herself and kissed himeven more desperately than before. Because she didn't feel brave. She felt terrified but not of death. Death had never frightened her. No now she was terrified to lose himand terrified of how it might change her actions and intentions if he stepped into danger.
