Chapter 139: 139 Walking the Line – Part 3
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139 Walking the Line – Part ~ JAYAH ~
“I know it’s life but… I’ve always seen Elia’s heart in you, Gar. Even more than your sister, though please don’t tell Elreth I said so.”
Gar snorted, but Jayah plowed on. “You carry a tribe now—how are the Protectors? I’ve been so consumed lately I haven’t checked in—”
Gar’s eyes lit up. He beamed with pride. “They are thriving,” he said in a low, pleased voice that sounded so much like his father’s, Jayah’s breath stopped. Unaware of her reaction, Gar continued. “My Alphas are handling the people. There are already many new mate-pairs forming. It’s… it’s very gratifying. The people are happy.”
Jayah blinked back tears. “And are you?” she asked simply.
Gar’s forehead wrinkled as he considered that. Then he smiled, but there were shadows behind his eyes too. “I’m very happy with my mate. I’m very happy with my tribe.”
Jayah sighed and wished she could pull him in for a hug. “But are you happy?” she repeated quietly, as she knew his mother would have.
Gar’s eyes dropped to his feet and his voice deepened too. “I’m still finding my feet. But Elreth is struggling more than me,” he said, concerned.
Jayah nodded. “Elreth is also Queen, and with many to attend to her needs. Do you have any who would attend to yours?”
.....
Gar huffed. “I don’t need that kind of attendance. Honestly, it’s always driven me a little crazy.”
But Jayah folded her arms. “We all need attendance—especially in loss and grief, Gar,” she said. “Your mother was similarly stoic—sending those away who came to help her without care for her own needs. It isn’t healthy. Forgive me, but denial isn’t strength.
“Your mother was a beautiful woman and a beautiful heart. But she wasn’t perfect, Gar. Don’t confuse humility with lack of need. It isn’t wrong to need people. It isn’t wrong to lean on others. And it isn’t wrong to be weak.”
Gar became very obviously uncomfortable. “I’m doing fine,” he insisted. “I’m coping well. Much better than Elreth. Elreth is the one who needs—”
“No. Elreth’s heart is broken, and it shows. It is good and right that she demonstrates her pain. It’s real. You appear… untouched. But you aren’t. That’s not healthy, Gar. It’s easy for those around you, but it’s not healthy.”
He shrugged and looked a little sullen. But he didn’t lash out as he might have a couple years earlier—nor did he insist on leaving the conversation.
The male had grown into a man in the past year or so, Jayah thought, with a heart that swelled with love for her friend, Elia, wishing the former Queen could see her son today. How much like his father he was becoming.
“The anima need you and your heart, Gar. We need you. Don’t let yourself be broken for pride.”
He nodded thoughtfully. But then footsteps sounded behind Jayah and her heart rate increased, praying that whoever it was wouldn’t analyze her scent.
Gar caught eyes with whoever it was and nodded—it was clearly someone looking for him. So he turned to give her a sad smile. “Thank you,” he murmured, then leaned in to hug her.
Jayah held her breath. He was preoccupied, distracted, but he might—
She pulled out of his arms as he huffed.
“Wait, Jayah—”
But then the guard reached them and Gar was pulled away to address a conflict between trainees so that they didn’t have to call the King out.
He rushed away without asking his question and Jayah’s heart beat slowed a little.
As she walked to the healing center she felt weighed down, knowing that she might not be around to keep an eye on Reth and Elia’s children any longer.
Not that they weren’t capable of caring for themselves—and everyone else. But… but they carried such a load, and she’d always intended to help them bear it.
They were the ones she had invested in when she never found her own mate or had a family. She honored her old friend Elia in that way.
Skhal reached for her in the link, just to brush her awareness and she smiled. Her mate honored his leader in that way as well. They had similar hearts.
As she stepped into the healing center, relieved to find it empty for now, she couldn’t deny to herself that if she was forced to leave it would feel like a failure. And yet, she also couldn’t deny that her mate was her creator-given purpose.
She prayed that they could find a way to bring their people together so neither of them has to say goodbye to loved ones.
Tears wanted to come—tears of pain and fear and grief. But she swallowed them back and began to quickly pull out and measure the herbs she’d need for the tea she was going to prepare for the guards. It needed to steep for a couple hours to be fully effective.
‘Are you well, my mate?’ Skhal breathed in her head.
She sent him an image of them embracing. ‘I will be,’ she assured him. Her heart was immediately easier.
‘Are you certain? I can feel your stress—if this puts you in a bad—”
‘No, Skhal. It’s not that. I… would grieve far more to be separated from you. I’m just worried about how things might go. I want to see our loved ones learning to love each other. But… the most important thing to me is you. I can’t fathom being separated from you.’
Nothing else mattered in the face of that. It shouldn’t be that way, she knew. But it was a fierce reality, and Jayah had always been a wolf to accept difficult truths that she couldn’t change.
And she could feel Skhal’s resistance to the idea of their distance, too—the feel of his heart reminded her of how she felt when she walked into a sickroom and could smell death descending. Everything within her fought the idea, even while she knew it was likely inevitable.
Suddenly strangled by fear, she reached for his heart through the bond, and he sent a rush of love back.
‘Just a few more hours. Then we’ll be together…’
Jayah agreed. She agreed and it reassured her. But she couldn’t deny the asking… to what cost?
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139 Walking the Line – Part ~ JAYAH ~
“I know it’s life but… I’ve always seen Elia’s heart in you, Gar. Even more than your sister, though please don’t tell Elreth I said so.”
Gar snorted, but Jayah plowed on. “You carry a tribe now—how are the Protectors? I’ve been so consumed lately I haven’t checked in—”
Gar’s eyes lit up. He beamed with pride. “They are thriving,” he said in a low, pleased voice that sounded so much like his father’s, Jayah’s breath stopped. Unaware of her reaction, Gar continued. “My Alphas are handling the people. There are already many new mate-pairs forming. It’s… it’s very gratifying. The people are happy.”
Jayah blinked back tears. “And are you?” she asked simply.
Gar’s forehead wrinkled as he considered that. Then he smiled, but there were shadows behind his eyes too. “I’m very happy with my mate. I’m very happy with my tribe.”
Jayah sighed and wished she could pull him in for a hug. “But are you happy?” she repeated quietly, as she knew his mother would have.
Gar’s eyes dropped to his feet and his voice deepened too. “I’m still finding my feet. But Elreth is struggling more than me,” he said, concerned.
Jayah nodded. “Elreth is also Queen, and with many to attend to her needs. Do you have any who would attend to yours?”
.....
Gar huffed. “I don’t need that kind of attendance. Honestly, it’s always driven me a little crazy.”
But Jayah folded her arms. “We all need attendance—especially in loss and grief, Gar,” she said. “Your mother was similarly stoic—sending those away who came to help her without care for her own needs. It isn’t healthy. Forgive me, but denial isn’t strength.
“Your mother was a beautiful woman and a beautiful heart. But she wasn’t perfect, Gar. Don’t confuse humility with lack of need. It isn’t wrong to need people. It isn’t wrong to lean on others. And it isn’t wrong to be weak.”
Gar became very obviously uncomfortable. “I’m doing fine,” he insisted. “I’m coping well. Much better than Elreth. Elreth is the one who needs—”
“No. Elreth’s heart is broken, and it shows. It is good and right that she demonstrates her pain. It’s real. You appear… untouched. But you aren’t. That’s not healthy, Gar. It’s easy for those around you, but it’s not healthy.”
He shrugged and looked a little sullen. But he didn’t lash out as he might have a couple years earlier—nor did he insist on leaving the conversation.
The male had grown into a man in the past year or so, Jayah thought, with a heart that swelled with love for her friend, Elia, wishing the former Queen could see her son today. How much like his father he was becoming.
“The anima need you and your heart, Gar. We need you. Don’t let yourself be broken for pride.”
He nodded thoughtfully. But then footsteps sounded behind Jayah and her heart rate increased, praying that whoever it was wouldn’t analyze her scent.
Gar caught eyes with whoever it was and nodded—it was clearly someone looking for him. So he turned to give her a sad smile. “Thank you,” he murmured, then leaned in to hug her.
Jayah held her breath. He was preoccupied, distracted, but he might—
She pulled out of his arms as he huffed.
“Wait, Jayah—”
But then the guard reached them and Gar was pulled away to address a conflict between trainees so that they didn’t have to call the King out.
He rushed away without asking his question and Jayah’s heart beat slowed a little.
As she walked to the healing center she felt weighed down, knowing that she might not be around to keep an eye on Reth and Elia’s children any longer.
Not that they weren’t capable of caring for themselves—and everyone else. But… but they carried such a load, and she’d always intended to help them bear it.
They were the ones she had invested in when she never found her own mate or had a family. She honored her old friend Elia in that way.
Skhal reached for her in the link, just to brush her awareness and she smiled. Her mate honored his leader in that way as well. They had similar hearts.
As she stepped into the healing center, relieved to find it empty for now, she couldn’t deny to herself that if she was forced to leave it would feel like a failure. And yet, she also couldn’t deny that her mate was her creator-given purpose.
She prayed that they could find a way to bring their people together so neither of them has to say goodbye to loved ones.
Tears wanted to come—tears of pain and fear and grief. But she swallowed them back and began to quickly pull out and measure the herbs she’d need for the tea she was going to prepare for the guards. It needed to steep for a couple hours to be fully effective.
‘Are you well, my mate?’ Skhal breathed in her head.
She sent him an image of them embracing. ‘I will be,’ she assured him. Her heart was immediately easier.
‘Are you certain? I can feel your stress—if this puts you in a bad—”
‘No, Skhal. It’s not that. I… would grieve far more to be separated from you. I’m just worried about how things might go. I want to see our loved ones learning to love each other. But… the most important thing to me is you. I can’t fathom being separated from you.’
Nothing else mattered in the face of that. It shouldn’t be that way, she knew. But it was a fierce reality, and Jayah had always been a wolf to accept difficult truths that she couldn’t change.
And she could feel Skhal’s resistance to the idea of their distance, too—the feel of his heart reminded her of how she felt when she walked into a sickroom and could smell death descending. Everything within her fought the idea, even while she knew it was likely inevitable.
Suddenly strangled by fear, she reached for his heart through the bond, and he sent a rush of love back.
‘Just a few more hours. Then we’ll be together…’
Jayah agreed. She agreed and it reassured her. But she couldn’t deny the asking… to what cost?
139 Walking the Line Part ~ JAYAH ~I know it's life but I've always seen Elia's heart in you, Gar. Even more than your sister, though please don't tell Elreth I said so.Gar snorted, but Jayah plowed on. You carry a tribe nowhow are the Protectors? I've been so consumed lately I haven't checked inGar's eyes lit up. He beamed with pride. They are thriving, he said in a low, pleased voice that sounded so much like his father's, Jayah's breath stopped. Unaware of her reaction, Gar continued. My Alphas are handling the people. There are already many new mate-pairs forming. It's it's very gratifying. The people are happy.Jayah blinked back tears. And are you? she asked simply.Gar's forehead wrinkled as he considered that. Then he smiled, but there were shadows behind his eyes too. I'm very happy with my mate. I'm very happy with my tribe.Jayah sighed and wished she could pull him in for a hug. But are you happy? she repeated quietly, as she knew his mother would have.Gar's eyes dropped to his feet and his voice deepened too. I'm still finding my feet. But Elreth is struggling more than me, he said, concerned.Jayah nodded. Elreth is also Queen, and with many to attend to her needs. Do you have any who would attend to yours?.....Gar huffed. I don't need that kind of attendance. Honestly, it's always driven me a little crazy.But Jayah folded her arms. We all need attendanceespecially in loss and grief, Gar, she said. Your mother was similarly stoicsending those away who came to help her without care for her own needs. It isn't healthy. Forgive me, but denial isn't strength.Your mother was a beautiful woman and a beautiful heart. But she wasn't perfect, Gar. Don't confuse humility with lack of need. It isn't wrong to need people. It isn't wrong to lean on others. And it isn't wrong to be weak.Gar became very obviously uncomfortable. I'm doing fine, he insisted. I'm coping well. Much better than Elreth. Elreth is the one who needsNo. Elreth's heart is broken, and it shows. It is good and right that she demonstrates her pain. It's real. You appear untouched. But you aren't. That's not healthy, Gar. It's easy for those around you, but it's not healthy.He shrugged and looked a little sullen. But he didn't lash out as he might have a couple years earliernor did he insist on leaving the conversation.The male had grown into a man in the past year or so, Jayah thought, with a heart that swelled with love for her friend, Elia, wishing the former Queen could see her son today. How much like his father he was becoming.The anima need you and your heart, Gar. We need you. Don't let yourself be broken for pride. He nodded thoughtfully. But then footsteps sounded behind Jayah and her heart rate increased, praying that whoever it was wouldn't analyze her scent.Gar caught eyes with whoever it was and noddedit was clearly someone looking for him. So he turned to give her a sad smile. Thank you, he murmured, then leaned in to hug her.Jayah held her breath. He was preoccupied, distracted, but he mightShe pulled out of his arms as he huffed.Wait, JayahBut then the guard reached them and Gar was pulled away to address a conflict between trainees so that they didn't have to call the King out.He rushed away without asking his question and Jayah's heart beat slowed a little.As she walked to the healing center she felt weighed down, knowing that she might not be around to keep an eye on Reth and Elia's children any longer.Not that they weren't capable of caring for themselvesand everyone else. But but they carried such a load, and she'd always intended to help them bear it.They were the ones she had invested in when she never found her own mate or had a family. She honored her old friend Elia in that way.Skhal reached for her in the link, just to brush her awareness and she smiled. Her mate honored his leader in that way as well. They had similar hearts.As she stepped into the healing center, relieved to find it empty for now, she couldn't deny to herself that if she was forced to leave it would feel like a failure. And yet, she also couldn't deny that her mate was her creator-given purpose.She prayed that they could find a way to bring their people together so neither of them has to say goodbye to loved ones.Tears wanted to cometears of pain and fear and grief. But she swallowed them back and began to quickly pull out and measure the herbs she'd need for the tea she was going to prepare for the guards. It needed to steep for a couple hours to be fully effective.Are you well, my mate?' Skhal breathed in her head.She sent him an image of them embracing. I will be,' she assured him. Her heart was immediately easier.Are you certain? I can feel your stressif this puts you in a badNo, Skhal. It's not that. I would grieve far more to be separated from you. I'm just worried about how things might go. I want to see our loved ones learning to love each other. But the most important thing to me is you. I can't fathom being separated from you.'Nothing else mattered in the face of that. It shouldn't be that way, she knew. But it was a fierce reality, and Jayah had always been a wolf to accept difficult truths that she couldn't change.And she could feel Skhal's resistance to the idea of their distance, toothe feel of his heart reminded her of how she felt when she walked into a sickroom and could smell death descending. Everything within her fought the idea, even while she knew it was likely inevitable.Suddenly strangled by fear, she reached for his heart through the bond, and he sent a rush of love back.Just a few more hours. Then we'll be together'Jayah agreed. She agreed and it reassured her. But she couldn't deny the asking to what cost?
