They say you never know who your true love is until it’s over.
Then, I guess I’ll never know whether this is true love, the girl thought. She didn’t even know when this love started—and yet, the only thing she was certain of was that it would never end.
————…………
——The girl couldn’t recall when this love of hers first began. Was it the moment she first laid eyes on him? She was positive that it wasn’t. Perhaps it was the moment she was born, or maybe even before that. She couldn’t even remember how she kept herself breathing before she fell in love with him.
Other than to see his face, she couldn’t think of any other reason to wake up in the morning. Other than to see him smile, she had no other reason to smile herself. Other than to feel his warming embrace, she had no reason to sleep…none——
The girl couldn’t imagine herself without him, let alone remember who she was before he came into her life. That’s why, she thought, she must have been born to meet him. Had she even been alive before meeting him? She was so sure that if, for only a moment, her love was to end—it would be at the time of her last breath.
……Or maybe, the girl thought one day, even if I die and become reborn, I would…I would find him again.
But what if she was already dead and thinking this? Then, that could only mean…yes, she fell in love with him in her previous life, therefore it was only natural that she’d have no memory of it.
Then, I guess I will never know my true love. For this love, surely not even death could put an end to it————
☐☐☐
——How much time had passed since the day she thought all that?
That day, the girl—Shiro—stood before a door. She wasn’t alone however, there was of course her brother by her side—and for whatever reason, three other people.
Each and every one of them stared at the door and noticed there was a rather large inscription on it…it read the following…
——A Space Where Only Couples May Leave……
So, in short…
——It was essentially suggesting that, for lack of a better word: her and her brother weren’t a couple. The door indicated the mere existence of “something” wanting to pair her brother with someone other than her. In other words, her love—which not even death could put an end to—was going to end at the hands of some unforeseen “enemy (or whatever it was)” this very day.
Heh…
She then let out a faint giggle…and mutely snapped——
■■■
The Kingdom of Elkia—The Capital City
Having been on the verge of extinction, the royal capital was now a bustling hot spot for its citizens to come and go as they please. And at the very center lied the royal castle. Within the royal castle’s lounge, three individuals were staring at one another around a table.
Among them was a young man with black hair and dark eyes, sporting a t-shirt with “I ♥ PPL” written on it—Sora. Moreover, sitting in his lap was a little girl with long white hair and ruby-red eyes—Shiro.
These two rulers of Elkia are adorned by their people under a myriad of nicknames, including but not limited to: the Reckless Rulers, the Absentee Rulers, and the Deadbeat Rulers.
Well, turns out—today they were working.
——That’s right, they were working……!!
……well, truthfully, aren’t they just playing a card game?
Taking place in the world of Disboard, a world where everything is decided by games—a game was in play with the kingdom’s King. It should be evident to all that this was no trivial matter, rather a noble task, even if it seemed like they were just playing for fun.
Sitting on the opposition of the two diligent rulers was today’s opponent—a lord’s daughter. As of late, Elkia’s territory has expanded at a rapid pace, with the kingdom quickly acquiring new resources and particularly rare goods.
Now normally, it would be the chief minister’s job to deal with the money-grubbers—or well, the dukes and earls—who seek those concessions, but when the matter is directly relevant to the King, it’s only common sense that the King takes it into his own hands——
“Huzzah, I win! Sorry, but you’re still waaaay too young and naïve to take me on. ♪”
Sora recklessly threw five cards down on the table. Just like always, he had triumphed whilst concealing his blatant methods of cheating—which at this point could be considered natural for someone like him. But unexpectedly——
“…As expected of our king. Marvelous skill. I’m impressed.”
The defeated girl then rose from her seat, gracefully pinched the hem of her dress, and humbly bowed.
“Then, in accordance with our wagers—please allow me to serve as your maid.”
——If she won, her noble rank would’ve risen, enshrining her and her family margraves of the new territories. If she lost, however, she would have to follow the chief minister’s policies and serve in the royal castle as a maid. Those were the wagers laid out before the game…but……
“…Hmm. Might just be me, but hasn’t everyone been acting a little weird lately?”
After seeing off the girl—now dubbed Maid-and-Lady-in-Waiting E—Sora mumbled warily.
Today marked the fifth time that a daughter of a lord has challenged him as a proxy. Even stranger is how each daughter’s reaction was identical—none of them were bitter. In fact, they each consistently left in a good mood with a seemingly elated look on their face……
In this girls’ case, it was evident something was off: first off, this noble daughter-now-maid and tea fetcher lost, meaning she was cut off from gaining rights to the new territories, and yet on her way out she suddenly struck a guts pose[1], shouting “Alriiiiight!!” as loud as she could. Just what the hell is going on here…?
“There isn’t some disease going around, is there? God, last thing we need is a plague, in another world no less.”
The level of civilization in Elkia was comparable to that of the early fifteenth century—meaning the mere existence of antibiotics was null.
If an infectious disease were to spread, it would lead to crisis and a nationwide quarantine—not to mention the danger Sora and the others’ lives would be put in. So, depending on the severity of this predicament, the Commonwealth of Elkia may need to discuss countermeasures——
“…Nii…this is why…you’re still, a virgin……”
“So worrying about the kingdom from time to time makes me a virgin!? Screw it then, let the kingdom fall!!”
Hearing the coldhearted claim made by his little sister sitting in his lap, Sora immediately fell into a state of despair.
“Master, I believe what Shiro-sama was suggesting is that those girls’ lost on purpose. ♪”
The answer to his cries came from a heavenly voice, one that shouldn’t have been there altogether. Emerging from the thin fabric of empty space, it was a girl with crosses for pupils—a Flügel named Jibril.
“……? Lost on purpose?”
“Indeed. In other words, their true goal was the right to serve under you, Master.”
……I see, so that’s why she was so happy, Sora frowned.
A lord sends his daughter to the King’s side, purposefully have her lose, and then have her prove that her beauty and sex appeal are more important than winning a game. If she succeeds, she could even aim for the position of Queen. From an aristocratic perspective, it was just a steppingstone to a legitimate marriage of state, but——
“…Being a pawn in a honey trap at the request of your parents isn’t exactly a pleasant thing to hear…”
This being the case, we should probably send them all back home… Sora thought with careful consideration, however…
“And why would they not? To me it seems that it would be a rather pleasant thing for them, would it not?”
“…Mm? Why?”
Sora couldn’t keep up with what she was indicating, yet Jibril continued, absolutely beaming.
“While I may still be unacquainted with the subtleties of Immanity’s emotions—to me no matter how you look at it, those girls felt the L word for you, Master. ♡”
The L word? What is this, kindergarten? Regardless—that’s just not possible, Sora sighed.
“You’re so naive, Jibril. Come on, how would someone fall in love with someone like me?”
“With all due respect, Master, you ought to take a look at yourself first.”
Hmm…well, let’s see: I’m a socially inept virgin, a gamer, a shut-in with no education, no job, no girlfriend… okay, why should I continue if I already know my life is a complete sham?
“Well—Master is the hero who saved Elkia, Immanity’s last remaining nation.”
However, Jibril proceeded anyway, exaggerating her speech with an overly dramatic tone.
“He came to Disboard from another world, and took on the Elves’ spies—triumphed against their magic and became King… If it weren’t for Master, Immanity could have perished.”
…That’s, well……
“He utilized his knowledge of the other world to conquer Elkia and seized the throne!! Took down me, a Flügel, with ease!! Reclaimed territory after defeating the Eastern Union, the third largest nation in the world!! Thwarted Oceand’s copulation schemes!! Finally, he took down the Old Deus and even the Ex-Machina!! ——He did all this without bloodshed.”
…Well, yeah……
“And so, Elkia, which had been on the verge of extinction, was transformed into a great commonwealth of many races—appropriately dubbed the Commonwealth of Elkia, which now rivals that of the world’s largest nation, Elven Gard.”
…Hmm……
“Standing before a powerful opposition that all had believed to be beyond Immanity’s reach, without fear or trepidation, he boldly challenged and subdued them with wits—and at last, even the Old Deus were defeated. A mutual prosperity that transcends the barriers of race became a reality, something that was considered only possible in dreams—this in of itself shows that there are no limits to Immanity. He is the man, the myth, the legend!! ——And scene. That is who you are, Master.”
…I see, when you put it that way, I sound like the coolest badass ever.
Truth of the matter is—it was quite a heroic tale if you could get past the “socially inept virgin” part.
Sora turned with a melancholy look in his eyes, but——
“Master, objectively speaking—is there any reason you shouldn’t be popular among women?”
“……Objectively?”
——You’re asking me……? Well, if we look back at all that’s transpired, regardless of setbacks, Jibril’s interpretation isn’t that far off, yeah?
“Well, even without such feats, Master is still the undisputed King of this nation—I feel it’s only common sense that women would come to him for his wealth and power, whether as a private citizen or not.”
——I-I see. That’s for sure.
It may sound like a purposeful marriage of state, but it’s natural for commonfolk to value their marriage partners based on their occupation and economic status. There’s no shame in that.
“Then let me ask once more—is there any reason, Master, you shouldn’t be popular among women?”
“…W-Well…S-Shiro? Jibril’s saying all this, but…”
Thinking about it truthfully…I can’t help but feel like she’s right.
But, facing the prospect of a counter-intuitive answer, he glanced down at Shiro for confirmation. As it turned out—it seemed to be the reason for why Shiro was so grumpy in his lap,
“……Mm. Lately, Nii…has been, too popular……”
The words confirming Sora’s suspicions led him to tremble with shock, as if a hammer had struck him down right on the head.
Well, why wouldn’t I be!?
I’m a king, aren’t I!? The King of Immanity, a hero who saved the world!? If that doesn’t make me popular, what in the hell would!?
Well, first off—in a world where everything is decided by games——
Disboard, where all war and plunder is forbidden and everything is determined through games, one’s strength in a game is—well, the only thing that cements them as having absolute power!! I’m the most powerful man in the world—it’s inevitable I’d have girls crawling all over me, right!?
“No, Master. With all due respect, you are far too humble.”
It appears Sora’s thoughts may have slipped out his mouth, and Jibril solemnly corrected him.
“Indeed, Master is Immanity’s strongest—but being the strongest does not apply solely to Immanity.”
……Wha…what?
“Master has taken on and defeated the Flügel, and even the Elves. The Werebeasts, Sirens, Dhampir, Old Deus, and even the Ex-Machina—he has proven himself more than capable.”
——W-What…? If I understand correctly, then……?
“So you mean not just any girl!! There’s also Angel-girls, Elf-girls, Animal-girls, Mermaids, Vampiresses—even the Goddesses and Mecha-girls are under my thumb, yeah!?”
And that means… I’m the most popular man in the history of mankind—no, I’m the most irresistible, greatest king to have ever been born, yeah——!?
“Well then, Master…with that in mind, I, Jibril, have a suggestion for you.”
“Oh…you wanna propose to me, the king of all women? All right, special pardon granted. Why don’t you tell me?”
Sora immediately got too carried away, and Jibril tells him with brutal honesty.
“Those five who were welcomed as maids—why not welcome them to the inner chamber[2] instead?”
——The inner chamber, a place where the king’s many wives and mistresses reside. In other words—a harem.
“It’s clear by how they appear that they wouldn’t refuse—in fact, I’m sure they would be more than happy to enter. I too would be grateful if you were to welcome me there as well. ♥”
……N-Nope…nopity nope, not ever. C-Could I really?
He is the greatest, most irresistible king out there, and yet he was still a virgin. He stared down in response to Jibril’s proposal, absolutely terrified. Sora was bracing himself for the subzero gaze coming from Shiro on his lap, but——
“……Mm. …A mistress…doesn’t make them your wife, does it……?”
Completely out of nowhere, Shiro gave a thumbs up—and announced.
“……I’ll, allow it. …Nii, congrats on losing your…virginity.”
“STEEEEEEEPH!! We’re building an inner chamber! I’m gonna be a harem king!!”
As they say, strike while the iron’s hot.
With Shiro hoisted under one arm, he shot into the chief minister’s office like an arrow. Like a sound effect, a loud fwoop rang out behind Sora as he barked at the red-haired girl sitting peacefully at her desk, sliding her pen across tons of paperwork. She was the chief minister of Elkia—Stephanie Dola…and slowly, very slowly, she turned around. Then, calmly, she let out a deep sigh…and replied:
“……Would you wake up already?”
————————?
Huh? The hell’s Steph talking about? What does she mean by that? Ooooh~? Could it be that Steph wants to join the harem of the most powerful king in the world? You’re an incredibly cute girl too, so don’t worry your highness, King Sora will take good care of you——
“…You are aware, right? This is just a dream.”
“…………Huh? Wh-What?”
As soon as Steph said that—crack! Everything around him began to burst wide open, and the color drained from the world before him.
“I mean, let’s be honest, there’s no way Sora would be that popular…”
With each word she uttered, one after another—crack!
Is this…the sound of my dream collapsing?
————Pfft, of course not, because I’m the world’s…strongest gamer…
“Ehh, only because you have Shiro by your side. Sora on his own is——”
——Crack!
Or is it the sound of my heart breaking?
——N-No, don’t…don’t say anything beyond that…!
“——no more than a toddler who can’t even walk or talk, let alone play games.”
——Crack!
It was so loud that Sora knew it had to be the sound of his own heart breaking.
He tried to block out Steph’s words with his own——n-no, don’t…please!!
“He’s a liar, a cheater, and a fraud. Always so arrogant and appearing so strong, but the truth is he doesn’t have the slightest bit of confidence. You say you want to be popular, but when someone likes you, you panic and run away. You want a girlfriend, but you don’t even know what you want because you can’t distinguish between sexual desire and love—that is what you are, Sora.”
And finally—crash!
Listening to his heart crumble, Sora just, whimpered…and…
“How can you ever expect to be popular as a lazy, reckless king who doesn’t do shit and never sees his people? Can’t you at least get a job instead of hopelessly dreaming like an idiot?”
As Sora listened to Steph’s voice, which was rapidly fading away, his consciousness began slowly resurfacing—and he smiled faintly.
——Haha, yeah, I knew it was a dream from the very beginning… If I had to guess, I’d say that Shiro and I had already figured it out when we were diligently working. But even so—why not? It’s just a dream… Like, can’t I dream inside, well, my dream…?
As Sora slowly began waking up, he thought about the same thing he always does when he wakes up in the morning.
……C’mon, if you’re gonna let me dream, at least lemme do something erotic before waking me up……
■■■
“Soraaaaa!! Shirooooo!? Are you guys in there!? Are you asleep!?”
Beneath his covers, Sora could hear Steph hollering noisily and pounding on the door.
Aaah—just like in my dreams, she’ll kick me outta bed and try to get me to work today.
Answering the all-to-familiar voice of reality, he responded hoarsely—as if trying to squeeze his words out.
“……I don’t even wanna wake up anymore, I’m not even popular with women…”
Ignoring Steph, who barked and started kicking at the door, Sora sunk even deeper under the covers.
——After Sora had woken up from his dream, he cried.
He buried his face in his pillow and cried so hard he went limp. Not because his harem fantasy didn’t come true even in his dreams—but because it made him realize the truth he shut out for so long.
It’s true—Sora is a virgin. It’s true that he’s an unemployed shut-in on the road to becoming a deadbeat, but as Jibril had said in his dream, he is still one of Immanity’s strongest gamers. That is a fact, and more importantly, there is no doubt that he is the King of Elkia. He has so much power and status, yet he is still not popular. So, in that case, how can Sora be popular? The answer was clear——
——it was impossible.
And thus, Sora spoke to the one on the other side of the door through his swollen vocal cords.
“The reason why men live…is to be popular with women……”
——What is the purpose of life?Well, that’s a rather loaded question, but at least the men have a clear answer to it: the purpose of life is, biologically speaking, to show that you are superior and to reproduce with a cute girl. To put it bluntly, men always work hard because they think they are cool. It’s to get girls to say “You’re so cool! ♥” with hearts in their eyes!! They risk their lives; they seek fame and fortune—the very reason they continue living in this unforgiving world is to be popular!!
……But, well. What if that never happens? What if, not matter how hard you risk your life, no matter how much fame and fortune you accumulated, you could never get a girl to look at you with hearts in her eyes—what if you were never popular and could never have a girlfriend?
“…Why should I even get up every day knowing I’ll never be popular? Why should I continue living after realizing the pain I go through will never be worth it, but only continue? Ughhhh…so tired……”
Ugh……I’m so tired. So tired of living in a reality where getting a girl is impossible. I’m tired of living a life where I’m not even allowed dream of being popular with them.
“Hey, Shiro…your brother’s gonna die in this bed, that okay……?”
“…Zzzz……”
Sleeping audibly right beside him, he held his little sister close, knowing these would be the last tears he would shed in this life.
“I’ve got no clue what you’re talking about!! Just get up and come out here, quickly!! We’re in some crazy situation!! We’re…we’re trapped!?”
“My humblest apologies, Master. I can’t seem tospatial shift or use any magic——”
“Addendum: Current location unknown. All structures impenetrable, including what appears to be many exits. In addition, the existence of foodstuffs and drinking water is unknown—Conclusion: It is estimated that everyone including Master is in grave danger. Not good.”
Two more voices following Steph’s were what finally got him, along with Shiro, up.
————…………Huh?
“……Huh? Where…are we?”
After managing to peel himself off the bed and leaving the room with Shiro, they realized this place wasn’t Elkia Royal Castle, nor was it their room in the castle. In fact, the place in of itself was completely foreign to them. Waiting outside their door, in addition to Steph, was a Flügel girl with a halo above her head and an Ex-Machina with prismatic hair—Jibril and Emir-Eins.
According to the girls, the use of spatial transfer, magic, or even destroying the structure, was impossible. In the midst of this chilling information being brought to light, Steph continued—rather anxiously.
“So, Sora has no clue either… It seems everyone found themselves sleeping in weird room…where even is this place? Or well—why are we even here?”
In other words—all five of them, Sora and Shiro, Steph and Jibril, along with Emir-Eins, woke up in weird rooms and didn’t even know why they were here……
No form of magic could be used either—so they were essentially trapped in a sealed room where escape was near impossible, not to mention the lack of food. Just as Steph had exclaimed earlier, things were crazy, so Sora decided to take a deep breath and just look around.
The place was quite unfamiliar—it had a somewhat fancy look to it. Not even a single window was present in the room, so trying to peek outside was impossible. There was just a small sofa and table in the center of the room, along with five chairs. Then—there was a literal void with just four small doors accompanied by one large door. Four small doors—each of which individually led to their respective rooms the five of them woke up in.
Surely, if there were an exit here, it would be this one—Sora slowly and quietly inched up to the one large door.
……No knob, no keyhole. When pushed it doesn’t budge. It won’t seem to open, but I guess that’s to be expected. At any rate——
There was one thing that was for sure—it was a huge problem for everyone. The five of them then noticed the sign on the door, or more precisely, noticed what was inscribed on it—it was a string of Immanity characters. They read——
——A Space Where Only Couples May Leave……
■■■
——Is this……heaven?
“S-Sora!? What’s wrong!?”
Steph’s voice felt somewhat distant as tears of gratitude ran down Sora’s cheeks. The reality that she had crushed in his dreams was now right before him.
……It’s been so long…eighteen long years of hard work. So long since I came to this world. But finally, at long last, what I’ve been waiting for has finally come——!! This is it—a space where only couples may leave——!!
Couple—according to the dictionary, it is defined as “one pair, one group” or “two persons married, engaged, or otherwise romantically paired.”
Sora and Shiro clearly fit the first definition, but given they couldn’t leave at the moment, then that kind of “couple” didn’t apply here.
If so—then it’s clear that what couple meant here was “romantically paired”!! And there were four women and only one man here! To top it off, they were all trapped in a space where only couples could leave!!
For Sora, who had been despairing over the reality of being forever alone—how could he not be moved to tears…?
Having to survive with no girlfriend all his life, this truly was a historical event——!!
——What, you think it’ll just stop before it gets to the good stuff, like always? Haha, nah, that’s not what I’m after.
First off, we’re all trapped in this room. There’s no way I’d get away with doing something erotic. I mean, it’s honestly amazing how some people who get trapped in a room where they can’t leave unless they do something erotic actually do something erotic, ignoring the fact that they’re likely being watched.
Is that why I’m so happy? Anyway, that’s not what I’m after!! Even if it’s just a mere formality, at least it’s an excuse to get the hell outta here!!
When I walk outta here, I’m gonna upgrade from “an eighteen-yea-old virgin who’s never had a girlfriend” to “an eighteen-year-old virgin who’s had one girlfriend”!!
……What’s the difference, you might ask?
Well, they aren’t the same at all, actually. Why is Sora, the King and one half of Immanity’s strongest gamers, so unpopular with girls? Well, whatever’s multiplied by zero is always zero! No matter how much fortune, fame, etc. you multiply by zero, in the end it’ll still be nothing!
But, if only for a moment, I had a girlfriend—even for 0.1 seconds—it could pave the way for an answer greater than zero for once!
A virgin who has never had a girlfriend, even for a moment, versus a virgin who has a girlfriend, even though she broke up with him soon after—it’s so obvious that there’s a bigger gap between the two than the chasm between heaven and earth!!
……Aah, well, of course, you can never be too optimistic—it is quite a bizarre situation after all.
With having no memory of what on earth happened before this, being trapped in a room with no way out, our lives in danger, and being forced into making romantic relations…
Surely with the Ten Covenants in place, it’s impossible to imprison someone and wipe their memory, yeah?
The only exception to that is “mutual consent.” In other words, something like this could’ve only happened with consent from both parties.
——So yeah, this situation was definitely a game of some sort. The opponent and purpose of this game are unknown—that must’ve been agreed upon in the playing conditions—and this is likely a game for territory. So if I didn’t think we stood a chance to win under these conditions, we wouldn’t even be in this mess.
You don’t think I was so desperate that I said, “I’ll do anything to get a girlfriend!” or something, right!? No way I went crazy and started this game I couldn’t win just because I felt like it…!!
So, with that in mind, there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore. With reverse flags[3] on, all conditions have been met, and a surefire victory is at hand!
After thinking all this in far less than a tenth of a second, Sora looked back sharply at the girls again.
Now let’s see, who’s going to be my very first girlfriend, hmmmmmmmmmm!?
“Clarification: Situation assessed. Resolution simple and clear. A cinch. Einfar[4].”
——The first move was, in a way, expected. The mecha girl in a maid outfit with prismatic hair leaned on Sora’s right arm—then told him:
“Arrangement: Current space may only be escaped from by forming a couple. This unit loves Master. Likes. Loves. Loves very much. Hehehe. All Master must do is utter the following: me too, and the couple will be formed. Escape from said space is possible this way. Now, Master. Repeat after me: mi-‘tu[5]?”
As Sora listened to her whispers graze his ear, he became the sole embodiment of a man thinking something dirty. In other words—the look on his face was as serious as humanely possible.
——Heh…so Emir-Eins is gonna be my very first girlfriend, ain’t that something? While she can be a little sickly, pompous, and heavy-handed with her affection, she was undoubtedly a beautiful girl. Not to mention she was a custom-made maid, a robot girl that calls me master—okay, that settles it!!
“——In that case, Master, please allow me to fill her role for you.”
As if to balance the scales, Jibril leaned on Sora’s left arm.
“Master needs not to choose some piece of junk, as his loyal servant is right here. From one morning to the next, I shall provide all the services you may desire like a 24-hour convenience store! ♥”
“Rebuttal: It is impossible for a Flügel, who does not understand the subtlety of emotions, to provides services that satisfies Master.”
“What was that? What did you say, you artificial simpleton who fails to see that Master doesn’t want you?”
“Acknowledgement: Defect detected in the Irregular Number’s hearing. Her old age must be catching up with her. Poor thing.”
“I’d say it’s better than having a brain defect—oops, my apologies! I forgot that you have no brain. ♪”
The two beautiful girls with sharp tongues flashed their murderous intents at one another with Sora stuck in between. Normally, Sora would be squirming, but he kept his composure as he observed the matter.
——Hmm, so Jibril is my first girlfriend now? No, that’s perfect.
Keeping her cool, Jibril, the now self-proclaimed servant, was more than willing to be more than just a lover to him. Rather than taking the initiative to serve under him like Emir-Eins, she was willing to do all that was asked of her—no questions asked.
H-Hold up, what? That’s, that’s good right!? For the first time in my life, I’m the main protagonist!?
Who the hell are you to judge who you take as a girlfriend when you’re a goddamn virgin? But that’s what this situation calls for! That’s right, this must be an act of God!!
Aah…~ It feels so good to be a popular guyyyyyyy!!
“H-Hold on just a second! I-Isn’t there a different problem right now!?”
Steph panicked and shouted at Sora, who was still shaking with lustful thoughts.
“Rejection: The nameless female has repeatedly denied any fondness of the Master. She is not allowed to speak in this matter. It is highly recommended she depart from the Master immediately. Komme gehen[6]?”
“Oh, perhaps you’re finally willing to admit you like Master, Dora-chan? ♥”
“H-Huhhh!? No, th-that doesn’t matter right now, okay!?”
——Hmmm, well, I guess Steph could be my first girlfriend too.
It would be the most “lover-like” too. She can do everything from sewing to cooking—she’s plain, versatile, and let’s not forget the homey charm she has. And above all, she’s a beautiful girl, but—not that beautiful at the same time.
It’s nice to have a little normalcy, yeah? No matter how many elaborate dishes you eat, in the end you’ll always come back to that sweet miso soup.
Sora was swayed by a sense of stability that reminded him of a childhood friend heroine, but…with the words that followed, the erratic thoughts in his head finally came to an end.
“If only couples can leave—doesn’t that mean only four of us get out!?”
——……
————————Hm?
“Aren’t there five of us!? If four of us can leave—what about the last person!?”
“That appears to be case, is it not? If Master is to be a couple with me, then Shiro-sama will inevitably be a couple with Dora-chan. That leaves only one—in layman’s terms, I say we officially dispose of that piece of junk there without even needing to consider who to leave behind.”
——……
————————What!? The hell are you saying!?
“Negative: The definition of couple is unclear. It presumes that one must have romantic feelings. This unit loves Master very much, therefore a couple between this unit and Master can be formed immediately. As for the Irregular Number, Master’s little sister may command her to fall in love with her. Therefore, it is the nameless female who dies. You.”
“If romantic feelings are a requirement by the game’s terms, then ignore this piece of junk—but…Dora-chan? Did you really think Master wouldn’t notice what you noticed?”
“Unavoidable: The question of who to leave behind is the reason for why Master wept.”
“N-No way… Sora, is that true!?”
“————…………”
But Sora couldn’t answer Steph’s question.
——Cut me some slack, it’s not exactly easy to grasp a situation while enduring all that. My brain’s all out of whack so how could I focus on that?
Wait wait wait—if I go through with this, that will change my look of Sora, virgin, eighteen-years-old—think about it!!
So yeah, with the wording here, only four people can leave. But hold on—there’s also the chance of a same-sex relationship!
——Wait, that’s bad. Shit shit shit shit shit—really deep shit, yeah!? If that’s to be true…then I guess I really am just an eighteen-year-old fucking virgin, huh!?
“I won’t allow this! If someone has to be left behind, how the hell do you expect me to decide!?”
“Request: An alternate means of escape. If there is none, then this unit will be a couple with Master and escape. Then, it is most practical to reassess the rescue method for the one remaining person. That is, the nameless female.”
“Nooo!! Just look at the agony on Sora’s face!! You’re thinking of another way, right Sora!?”
Sorry to get your hopes up Steph—but I’m not. Of course, I’ll need to think about that too, and as soon as possible.
But more importantly, Sora was pondering the matter with his brain racing.
——Specifically, the outcome of all this. He had to think again about whether he would be able to leave—in other words——
“…All of you—shut up……”
——Shiro, who had been keeping her head down in complete silence up until this point, finally spoke up. The commanding voice struck them all like a sudden flood, and an eerie silence fell upon them. And then, swaying, with a visage reminiscent of that to the grim reaper—she turned around.
——Of course, no one in the room could have known what was going through Shiro’s mind. However, Shiro had already lost her temper when she was told that she and her brother weren’t a couple.
What’s more—no one even brought up the potentiality of Sora and Shiro becoming a couple, so——
“…Everyone…let’s play…a game, yeah?”
She hid her festering emotions with a simple smile and continued in a cheerful manner.
“…The loser…must destroy their feelings for Sora…and will hate Nii…and then, the winner…decides who will be…a couple……”
Shiro proposed a game in which she would bet with her love—something more important to her than her own life.
——Aaah, this is the perfect opportunity. Here, I will end all of you——
In other words, a black and white ordeal of who is to be the right heroine. To all the girls beside Shiro—it was a clear declaration of war. No——
——it was a declaration of absolute eradication……
Even though they couldn’t know what was going through her head, the girls understood Shiro’s intentions from the evident “hostility” she wore—so,
“Engagement: Attempting to steal this unit’s love, it’s heart. The essence of an Ex-Machina. This unit will destroy the enemy by any means necessary. Aus. …Fight like hell. This unit cannot lose.”
“Although I may be an inept servant who has yet to understand the feelings of love—if Shiro-sama has permitted resistance, then I will do so with all my might. I humbly ask for your cooperation and will go all out—I will not fail.”
Jibril and Emir-Eins were so determined to fight one another that the atmosphere shook with their commitment.
“I-I don’t even have any feelings to destroy though!?”
In a frantic panic, Steph raised her voice, but——
“Command: Terms acknowledged. This unit’s analysis—the greatest potential obstacle is the nameless female. This unit shall take this opportunity to eliminate any and all obstructions for Master’s love. Not even one of you will escape. Du-Du-Dun Dun-Dun[7].”
“If you have nothing to lose, Dora-chan—then what’s the problem? ♥”
“…Steph…let’s, end this stupid…charade, shall we…?”
As declared, the girls surrounded Steph with zero intentions of letting her go.
“S-Soraaaaaa!? A-Aren’t you gonna stop them!?”
She was crammed between a blank-faced Emir-Eins, a beaming Jibril, and a coldhearted Shiro. Steph called out for help as the situation got more and more out of control, however——
——WHAM……!!
Her cry was returned with a resounding thud that immediately sent everyone into complete silence.
“…The hell? You all…hey! The hell are you all doing!?”
After slamming his fist into the door as hard as he could, enough to possibly break his own hand, they all turned toward Sora in shock.
“You guys know I’d never agree to this shit if that was the solution—!! Riiiiight!?”
That’s right—there’s no way he’d ever let this happen under his watch.
And again, without his consent something like this couldn’t have happened—but in the first place, there was no way he’d let something like this happen!!
The reason being that he knew there was only one conceivable outcome to this development, namely——
The birth of two girl-on-girl couples with Sora left all alone!!
“Come on!! Let us outta here!! What kinda con did you set us up for, dammit!?”
“S-Sora! Th-That means…!”
“I’d never agree to something like this—two pairs outta five people!? There’s no way in hell I’d allow such cruelty!! There’s gotta be some other rules!!”
He called upon the supposed host of this game—letting out a passionate cry of the soul for the truth.
This very situation was like Sora’s elementary school trauma all over again: All right class, pair up with a friend!
The utter hatred adorning Sora’s voice immediately pulled the girls, who were on the brink of all-out war with one another, back to their senses.
“…Indeed. To believe Master would be willing to sacrifice another was foolish……”
“Penitence: Victory without sacrifice. That is who Master is. This unit is truly ashamed.”
“………It may be just me, but… Am I the only one starting to think Sora wasn’t aware of everything until now?”
I was aware 0.001 seconds into all this, what the hellllllll!?!?
“………………Nii…you idiot…”
“D-Dammiiiiiiiiiiittt…!!”
Trying to escape Shiro’s icy gaze—who seemed to have pieced together all her older brother’s thoughts flawlessly just now—Sora punched the door as hard as he could before falling to the floor and crying out in pain—however.
The door that should’ve only opened to no one but couples—was now wide open, throwing them all off-balance.
■■■
No matter what they did, be it punching or pushing it, the door wouldn’t budge, but—no wonder it didn’t open.
——It was a sliding door.
Sora went up to the door and yanked it to the side, sending it flying open. Consequently, the fierce momentum sent Sora crashing down to the floor face forward.
“Don’t tell me…were we really that frickin’ stupid!? None of you tried…sliding, it——?“
Sora quickly began lashing out, but after looking up his speech immediately came to a halt.
“Sora!? Are you oka——wha…”
“Master, are you alright————!?”
The girls all ran toward Sora in worry, only to stop right in their tracks and gasp. As soon as they laid eyes on the sight spread out before them—they were equally as speechless as he was.
——They found themselves in a small garden.
Within it lied a fluorescent patch of richly colored flowers, embellished by numerous petals dancing through the air whimsically. Lining the outside was a beautiful hedge of blossoming roses and lying beyond it was a forest of barren trees.
The cute buds of spring, the healthy leaves of summer, the ripe blossoms of autumn, and the hardy bulbs of winter…
Like a beautiful canvas belonging to the most talented of artists—the garden had all of nature’s beauty in one place.
At the other end of the garden, there was a large gate made up of woven flowers, adorned by a gorgeous plaque inscribed with the same words as before.
——A Space Where Only Couples May Leave…
Just like the door, it said again—a space…
Thinking about it now, nothing suggested that this space was necessarily referring to that room Sora and the others were in earlier…
However, it was neither that foolish oversight nor the spectacle that left them speechless—it was what was floating in the center of the garden, perched atop an exceptionally enormous flower.
It was young girl—dancing around in the air with tiny wings on her back, looking as if they were woven from rainbows.
Well, no…not really young per se.
She was just super-duper short, certainly no taller than a toddler if you put them side by side.
Nevertheless—the girl’s lime-colored eyes stared vacantly into space; her lemon-colored hair tied up into pigtails and a large flower decorating the top of her head. Long, slender arms and legs, small yet subtle breasts, curvy waist—her physique, though not fully mature, had the faint seductive charm of a young girl on the cusp of blooming into a woman.
So, yeah. To put it simply, she was just—small.
It was as if a tiny doll resembling a beautiful girl had come to life.
A small, astonishing young girl who couldn’t possibly have been human. Rather, she had to be——
“——A Fairy!? Th-That must mean we’re inside a spatial phase boundary—within Spratool!?”
“Emergency: Presence of a third-party race confirmed. Requesting Master to devise strategy at once. Situation critical.”
Huddling behind Sora’s back, Jibril and Emir-Eins alerted the rest of the group rather aggressively.
——A Flügel and an Ex-Machina.
Members of the two most bullshit races the world prided itself upon immediately took up battle-ready stances, as if preparing for war.
In hindsight, Sora really should’ve taken this matter with a greater sense of urgency. At this point though, regardless of how unfortunate it may have been, this shitty, pathetic, eighteen-year-old virgin wasn’t in any condition to be thinking that clearly.
——I see…a Fairy, huh?
An outcome where I’m left all alone—something I would never dream of agreeing to. But, with this sixth person now here, perhaps I won’t be all alone after all——!
It was quite evident that the young girl before them was a Fairy, and without a doubt the host of this game!
She was a new character, likely the culprit who locked them up—in other words, she was the tiny heroine taking on the unfortunate role of an accompanying teacher, one tasked with coupling up her remaining students!!
……Well, I wouldn’t be lying if I said my first girlfriend was of compact size, right?
Still, he was a virgin—and was in no position to worry about the little things. Everything should be OK!
Hey little lady, how are ya? You’re my partner, and there’s nothing you can do about it——!!
Though, he would never let such inane thoughts slip out so clearly, as shown with the more than serious expression on his face.
Even if only temporarily, she would be his girlfriend. They’ve never met before, so there was no way she would know what he was like. All he had to do was make a good first impression, maybe then he could take it even further beyond!!
Sora’s eyes were burning with passion, as if determined to not let this opportunity pass him by.
Jibril and Emir-Eins’ animosity remained constant and accounted for, seemingly growing larger and larger in mass.
However, the Fairy girl paid them no mind and continued on her merry way, dancing in the air whimsically without a care in the world.
That’s right—she was dancing.
Her nimble fingertips brushed through the air majestically as she danced atop the flower’s petals, acting as if it were a stage. With each and every step she took, copious sums of bubbles spilled from the flower’s bud and into the air.
Was it a play of some sort? Afraid not. Carried by the breeze, the bubbles spread all throughout the garden. With every pop of one, something new was born, be it a flower, a tree, a rock, a spring—all painted in heavenly colors.
Even without understanding the logic behind it all, there was something Sora and Shiro—and even Steph—were sure of.
——This has to be Fairy magic.
The Fairy was dancing her way through the small garden with ease, adding things wherever she saw fit.
Before long, her little spree of creation came to a halt, perhaps deciding it was time for a break. With elegance, the Fairy chose a flower to rest on, letting out a small sigh and rolling her shoulders back.
This was their first time hearing her cute little voice, one that would capture the hearts of any who heard it. But then——
“Ughhh this sucks… Whyyy do I gotta be the one stuck doin’ this? Goddammit…”
Squatting rather indecently on the flower with a hand on one cheek, the young girl who didn’t seem to have gotten any love for so long…spoke her first words.
————————,
Jesus. His first (to-be) girlfriend sounded like a complete nutcase.
The young girl, who’s appearance was downright the definition of adorable, stared off into space with a scowl on her face.
While Sora and the others were left absolutely dumbfounded, the Fairy girl whipped out a cigar and match from her skirt pocket with her adjacent hand. With no room for hesitation, she held the cigar up to her mouth and lit it, all in one smooth motion.
And naturally, littered the ashes coming off the cigar’s butt.
“Puaaa…ah? Ahhh…y’all are awake, eh? Rather fast at that. Uhhhh, y’all gonna hafta wait a bit longer, ‘kay? I ain’t done preppin’ the game yet sooooo…yeah.”
She took a moment to open her mouth wide, exhaling a huge puff of violet-colored smoke, then continuing——
“Ughhhh… the hell they get off thinkin’ I can build such a large space all by myself with like, barely any time……the hell!? Wh-What!? Shit—the ashes are gettin’ on my skirt! It’s…it’s burning!? Where’s the water!? Gimme water someone—gyaaa!?”
With a scream, she quickly chucked the half-smoked cigar and began squealing and writhing about.
Not only Sora, but Shiro and even Steph nearly gawked at the sight of her dancing in a frayed panic, until the girl finally realized she could probably just use her magic to put the fire out.
…Well, not gonna lie, this is kind of a letdown……
“…………Uhhhh, Jibril…that is a Fairy, right…?”
“Indeed, Master. She is without a shadow of a doubt a member of the Fairies—the ninth-ranked race.”
——The ninth-ranked Ixseed—Fairy……
Sora and Shiro’s knowledge of them was very minimal. They knew they were a race practically enslaved to the Elves—and that the majority of their people lived in Elven Gard as slaves.
According to Chlammy’s memories, they are also forced to comply in aiding magic to the nation, the details of which were a secret of the state——
——Regardless, that’s not the point right now.
“…That ain’t no damn Fairy… That right there is some run-down district’s old pub mama[8]…”
Sora couldn’t help but let his thoughts slip out, especially at the sight of something so different from what he had imagined.
Her dancing, which had looked so cute earlier, now had the air of a veteran stripper who danced at some local nightclub. She exuded the aura of an old woman who’s long had her fill of life’s sweet and sourness.
——Would ya look at that, now she’s dancing with a cigar in her mouth. Not to mention her excessive groaning.
She’s also been taking a drink out of something for a while now, alcohol maybe?
……Ugh, seriously? My first girlfriend is really gonna be some chain-smoking MILF who reeks of booze, huh?
Absolutely NOT. While I do understand that I’m in no position to complain, come on man—something like this I just can’t stomach, okay?
Even in my wildest dreams, I could never see myself being lovers with that thing, would you…?
“…My apologies, Master. I’m afraid I’m not quite sure what to do… Please give me orders.”
“Caution: Precedent of victory over Fairies in Spratool—null. Unable to calculate volatile means of action.”
However, Sora’s lament was cut short by the two voices filled with frustration.
“……? Well…ehm, have the Fairies always been that dangerous?”
They nodded in unison toward Sora, who wondered why the two were in such a panic.
“Indeed. At the time of the Great War, they were considered among the top seven races—capable of wiping out Flügel in the double digits.”
“Record: Four hundred and thirty-seven former Alt-Ortcluster units attempted engagement within Spratool—zero returned. All units eliminated.”
——Whoa, h-hold on. Th-That’s gotta be a joke, right?
No, calm down. This isn’t the Great War anymore. Things shouldn’t get that bad—at least, I hope they don’t.
But just seeing the look on Jibril and Emir-Eins faces was enough to make Sora, Shiro, and Steph all gulp.
That Fairy—she said she was getting the game all ready for them.
Should they let her continue? Shouldn’t they try and take action before she can start?
But—what would they do? There was literally nothing they could——
“Let’s go!! Just in time!! Aight, let’s get this goin’… Ahem… Aaaand time to get this show on the road, ‘kaaaay!?”
The Fairy girl suddenly shouted out, cutting off Sora and the others’ ongoing thoughts.
The Fairy girl hastily stamped out her cigar, cleared her throat, and then——
“——Whoa!? The hell!?”
Almost immediately, Sora and the others found themselves trapped inside a bubble with no means of escape.
Thoroughly ignored—without any room for hesitation, it all suddenly began————
■■■
“Heeey y’all! ♪ How’s ma cute li’l channel subs doin’? It’s y’all’s dear Foeniculum[9] back again! ✿”
——She changed into a completely different person.
At last, the way she spoke was befitting for her appearance.
Suddenly, a faint music track began to play in the background. The Fairy girl’s name was Foeniculum, and it seemed like she was speaking to something—an audience, but it wasn’t to Sora and the others in the bubble.
It was directed toward the flat square of light hovering in front of her——
“As promised, startin’ today I’m gonna start broadcasting my new, very special project—HEEEYYY!! Who do ya think y’all are dislikin’ ma stream this early!? I’ll knock the shit outta y’all!! Ah…ahahah, kidding! I don’t want y’all to unsub! There’s only one li’l shit in this world, and that’s meeeee!! Mwahhh~! ✿”
Anddddd only five seconds into the stream, the mask had already slipped off.
Sora watched, completely clueless about not only Fairies, but their magic too.
But be that as it may, he still understood what was happening.
“Seriously y’all! This time it’s a really cool and fun project, trust me!! I call it——!!”
That’s right: that square of light, her screen—it had an image projected on it.
——No matter how you looked at it, it was a “livestream.”
Not only that, but—it was being hosted by a pitiful, bottom-tier streamer none other than——
“Foeniculum Channel presents: an all-new original broadcast!!
“A Real Time, Real Love Documentary Show—
~A Space Where Only Couples May Leave or They’re Stuck Here Forever~ ✿”
Accompanying such a boastful declaration, obnoxiously loud firecrackers set off along with cheesy trumpet sound effects,
“Aight—lemme begin by explainin’ the goal of this project to the viewers, ‘kay y’all!?”
“Wait a minute, would you!? Shouldn’t you be explaining it to us first!?”
Sora barked a complaint from the bubble, but his words didn’t seem to reach Foeniculum.
Regardless, she continued to keep them clueless and began explaining the aim of the project.
“Right ‘ere—this a space I’ve created, Spratool[10]. A space where I’m also holdin’ this group of five—one man and four women—captive, ‘kay!? From today onwards, the five of them will live here together for an unlimited and indefinite period of time, and eventually fall in love with each other!!”
Her explanation seemed to confirm Sora and the other’s prior assessments, and only left them wondering about one thing——
“There are only two ways for these five to escape!!”
That’s right—a method of getting out of here.
At the mention of more than just one way out, Sora and the other’s narrowed their eyes attentively.
“The first is that a pair must declare themselves a couple, hold hands, and go through the gate!!”
The first method was as expected. After all, at the other end of the garden—there was the gate they had to go through as a couple. The exit.
“Or, two—ya gotta purchase a key and use it, allowing ya to escape alone!!”
——A key…?
Sora and the others furrowed their brows dubiously at this new information, but the girl continued to ignore them.
“Yeah, yeah… ✿ Y’all are all prolly sayin’ that’s all ya got? and whaddaya expect, this is Foeniculum, aren’tcha? Well, y’all’s wrists better be flexible, aight!? Don’t wanna fall outta ya seat and hurt ya self after seein’ all this now, would ya!? Anyway, I can see y’all are anxious to see who these five are, so without further ado—allow me to introduce y’all, ‘kaaay!?”
The next moment—Sora and the others suddenly struck stage poses against their will, while the Fairy began introducing them——
“That’s all of ‘em!! They’re the five hottest singles in Disboard, ready to get their love-live’s on!! Such a great lineup, amirite y’all!? Aight—aiiight, make sure y’all’s wrists are all good, ‘kay!?”
——……Were her viewers really falling out of their seats on the other end of the screen?
Regardless, such an opening like that made it seem as if they were the main characters in some low-budget visual novel—and an erotic one at that.
They were all introduced with their own theme song and shitty catchphrases, both reeking of unoriginality.
But Foeniculum—continuing to ignore them—couldn’t care less and carried on with her cheery spiel with no signs of slowing her roll.
“But ya may ask, is there any food or water here!? Weeell, the essentials these five will need to stay alive will be paid for by my precious li’l viewers—in other words, their Tips[11]! And y’all, be honest—aside from the Flügel and the Ex-Machina here, the others ain’t got no chance even lastin’ three days here without water, aight? Sooo, with that in y’all’s minds, if ya don’t want ya fav to die—be sure to send in ya money!! ✿”
She even went as far as threatening her own viewers for money, begging like some lowly Sn*pChat[12] influencer——
“Aight!! With that all outta the way, I suppose that about wraps up today’s openin’ stream! ✿”
And finally——
“I’ll be streamin’ every night at eight o’clock sharp startin’ tomorrow, ‘kay!? Be sure to spread it to all ya peeps!! Clipping and sharing is a big fat no-no[13]!! Y’all hafta bring ‘em here, aight!? See y’all tomorrow! Buh-baaaiii~!!”
She didn’t even give Sora and the others a chance to say anything till the very end.
With that, the opening stream of hers concluded without question——
■■■
——The bubble they were all trapped in popped.
But even after being released from their prison, they stayed absolutely stunned. As they stood there, speechless——
“Fufufu…easy-friggin’-peasy—my channel’s sub count is skyrocketinnnn’!! I knew invitin’ some hot-as-shit guests could make me loads-a easy cash, hahahaha!! All those shitheads callin’ me some bottom-tier can go fuck ‘em selves and cry in a hole, fuckin’ dumbaaasses!! Puhahahahaaa[14]!!”
Not even a moment later, Foeniculum already had her next cigar ready to go, cackling maniacally.
He had no words, but—even in the absence of any, Sora noticed she had gotten a little too carried away with her stream, muttering:
“……Hey, uh…you sure you didn’t forget to turn your mic and camera off?”
“K-Kyaaahhhnnn! ✿ Y-Y’aaalll~ U-Uh…l-lookin’ forward to y’all’s continued support~! ✿”
At the speed of light, Foeniculum chucked her cigar and scrambled to save her public image.
After that, she then made sure her camera and everything were off——
“…Shiiiiiit, they’re fuckin’ pissed… W-Well, I guess a li’l drama oughta get more peeps talkin’, yeah?”
Despite trying her best to keep herself cool, cold sweat trickled down her cheeks. Sora then pressed against his temples and asked:
“…Umm. With that all said and done, let’s get these rules straight for a sec…the hell are we doing exactly?”
“Hmm~? It’s just as I told y’all in the openin’ stream. Didja forget already?”
Did I forget to explain somethin’? Foeniculum tilted her head to the side in confusion.
“Sora-kun and Shiro-chan’s uhh—smartphone and tablet, yeah? Anyway, I’ve fitted ‘em to show ya the viewer’s donations—in other words, their Tips.”
As she explained, Sora and Shiro took out their devices to check.
Huh, okay—they both tapped an app icon they didn’t recognize, and sure enough…
As soon as the app opened, a value of [15,000] was displayed in bold, followed by a purchase screen.
“Surprise, each’a y’all get some early bonus Tips! ✿ Y’all can buy stuff with ‘em. Either ya leave as a couple with someone, ooor…ya can buy a key from da shop! That’s all there is to it, aight?”
Seems like a pretty simple game, yeah?
After Foeniculum said all that, Sora took a deep breath——
“————Hmm, okay. Lemme confirm one last extremely important thing.”
While it may have been a very simple game—there was one issue that had to be addressed.
A question so hefty, that the answer would decide whether this game was heaven or hell.
In other words——
“There’s only five of us—and, well… What I wanna ask is… is pairing up with you as a couple an option?”
“Huhhh~? Neva’ in a million years, playboy. Are ya stupid or somethin’?”
Despite Sora having made up his mind however, Foeniculum immediately grimaced and replied with a click of her tongue in disapproval.
“Didja forget I’m the Host? It’s y’all’s job to make me a popular streamer! That is to say…y’all gotta make ya love blossom and earn lotsa Tips to please the viewers, ‘kay!? Y’all betta’ give ‘em a good show, ya hear!? Ma popularityyy as a streamer’s gonna skyrocket soonnn! Welp, I got a bit a work to do, so Ima head out for a bit!! Pssschhh[15]!!”
And as soon as she said that, she fizzled into the void without another word.
…………,
The rest of the group just stood there in a daze—for a good five minutes.
Then—as the air around gradually began to creak, Sora looked up to the heavens and smiled.
Ahh…so, there’ll be two couples.
And for the remaining person—they can buy a key to leave.
Such an impossible predicament of having to sacrifice someone could easily be remedied this way.
Well—I can’t help but feel that——
“…………Hey……let’s, get back on…topic, yeah…?”
“Acknowledgement: We must compete to win Master’s love. Once again, this unit declares all-out war. Rally as one and come at me.”
“To challenge Shiro-sama with all my power, I could not think of a greater honor—now, let us commence.”
“C-Come on, guuuys!? In the end, it’s really gonna come down to this again!? Surely we can go about all this in another way, right!?”
Just like before, the girls were immediately at each other’s throats.
——Playing a game where one would have to pay the price of hating Sora forever.
He just watched as the hostility in the air grew bigger and bigger, until…that’s right——
“No… I don’t wanna be left all alone… Let me…LET ME OUTTA HEREEE!!”
——he realized it was just as he had expected:
There would be two girl-on-girl couples.
Solidifying him as the only one left—the loner.
Sora’s anguished scream rang out as tears ran down his face, realizing that’s exactly how this game would go…………
[1] A Japanese term written in katakana that describes a “victory” pose where one’s fist is pumped into the air 
[2] Historically, the term dates back to the Edo period, where within the Edo Castle lied an inner chamber (otherwise known as the inner quarters). There the shōgun’s consort, concubines, and ladies in waiting resided
[3] Likely talking about the reverse flags on American military uniforms, which are patches that display a reversed rendition of the American flag, which is to represent assured victory
[4] German for “Simple.” Though, a more proper word would be Einfach
[5] The original line can’t exactly be put here “do-re-mo?”, so I went for a literal pronunciation of “me too” I found on the internet lol
[6] Seems to be very poor German written in Hiragana. It translates to “Come go,” while the furigana translates to “go away”
[7] This is a Terminator reference
[8] Another name for the term Mama-san or Mamasan. They are usually a woman in a position of authority, especially one in charge of a geisha house or bar or nightclub in East Asia. It is considered extremely rude to refer to a woman in charge of a respectable restaurant or inn as Mama-san. The proper title for her is Okami or Okami-san
[9] The scientific name for the plant species “Fennel.” The full scientific name for this species is Foeniculum Vulgare
[10] The furigana is スプラトウール (Supuratouru) and the kanji is 洛園 (Rakuen). The kanji can mean something along the lines of “Garden Capital,” and as for the furigana it can be translated literally as “Spratool.” Notice how this term in Japanese is eerily similar to the spelling of “Splatoon,” and it’s almost identical to the Japanese スプラトゥーン, this is not a coincidence. Reason why it’s not Splatool is because of the previous term Spritetoon, which is similar, and because the race is Fairy
[11] The furigana is カキン (Kakin) while the kanji is 支援 (Shien). In Japan, there is a system in place during live broadcasts or streams that allow the audience to donate “tips” to the streamer/broadcaster. I’m no expert on this however, but it could be based on UStream Japan’s Tip system(?), given this series takes place in 2012/2013. In simpler terms, it’s similar to that of Twitch’s donation system where both donations and bits can be given to the streamer while streaming
[12] The katakana for this was ス○チャ (Su*cha). For this I just went with SnapChat like Yen Press did (though if I followed JP spelling it would be abbreviated as SnaCha). However, this could also be translated as StarChat (StaCha), which was a niche website that hosted live chats with voice actors, race queens, etc. This site shut down in 2016
[13] The original Japanese includes the term “NG,” which is a Japanese abbreviation meaning “No Good” or “Not Good.” This term originates from GHQ occupied Japan after their defeat in WW2, and NG was used to describe media that was not appropriate, specifically dramas and films
[14] The original Japanese was ぷぎゃらっちょ, which means to laugh aloud hysterically. This term originated from 5chan boards and eventually made its way into “gal” lingo. YP chose “LMFAO,” which isn’t wrong I guess, just not something I would put in
[15] Original JP has Foeniculum say しゅわっち, which is essentially a pluralized “pop” onomatopoeia
They say you never know who your true love is until it’s over.
Then, I guess I’ll never know whether this is true love, the girl thought. She didn’t even know when this love started—and yet, the only thing she was certain of was that it would never end.
————…………
——The girl couldn’t recall when this love of hers first began. Was it the moment she first laid eyes on him? She was positive that it wasn’t. Perhaps it was the moment she was born, or maybe even before that. She couldn’t even remember how she kept herself breathing before she fell in love with him.
Other than to see his face, she couldn’t think of any other reason to wake up in the morning. Other than to see him smile, she had no other reason to smile herself. Other than to feel his warming embrace, she had no reason to sleep…none——
The girl couldn’t imagine herself without him, let alone remember who she was before he came into her life. That’s why, she thought, she must have been born to meet him. Had she even been alive before meeting him? She was so sure that if, for only a moment, her love was to end—it would be at the time of her last breath.
……Or maybe, the girl thought one day, even if I die and become reborn, I would…I would find him again.
But what if she was already dead and thinking this? Then, that could only mean…yes, she fell in love with him in her previous life, therefore it was only natural that she’d have no memory of it.
Then, I guess I will never know my true love. For this love, surely not even death could put an end to it————
☐☐☐
——How much time had passed since the day she thought all that?
That day, the girl—Shiro—stood before a door. She wasn’t alone however, there was of course her brother by her side—and for whatever reason, three other people.
Each and every one of them stared at the door and noticed there was a rather large inscription on it…it read the following…
——A Space Where Only Couples May Leave……
So, in short…
——It was essentially suggesting that, for lack of a better word: her and her brother weren’t a couple. The door indicated the mere existence of “something” wanting to pair her brother with someone other than her. In other words, her love—which not even death could put an end to—was going to end at the hands of some unforeseen “enemy (or whatever it was)” this very day.
Heh…
She then let out a faint giggle…and mutely snapped——
■■■
The Kingdom of Elkia—The Capital City
Having been on the verge of extinction, the royal capital was now a bustling hot spot for its citizens to come and go as they please. And at the very center lied the royal castle. Within the royal castle’s lounge, three individuals were staring at one another around a table.
Among them was a young man with black hair and dark eyes, sporting a t-shirt with “I ♥ PPL” written on it—Sora. Moreover, sitting in his lap was a little girl with long white hair and ruby-red eyes—Shiro.
These two rulers of Elkia are adorned by their people under a myriad of nicknames, including but not limited to: the Reckless Rulers, the Absentee Rulers, and the Deadbeat Rulers.
Well, turns out—today they were working.
——That’s right, they were working……!!
……well, truthfully, aren’t they just playing a card game?
Taking place in the world of Disboard, a world where everything is decided by games—a game was in play with the kingdom’s King. It should be evident to all that this was no trivial matter, rather a noble task, even if it seemed like they were just playing for fun.
Sitting on the opposition of the two diligent rulers was today’s opponent—a lord’s daughter. As of late, Elkia’s territory has expanded at a rapid pace, with the kingdom quickly acquiring new resources and particularly rare goods.
Now normally, it would be the chief minister’s job to deal with the money-grubbers—or well, the dukes and earls—who seek those concessions, but when the matter is directly relevant to the King, it’s only common sense that the King takes it into his own hands——
“Huzzah, I win! Sorry, but you’re still waaaay too young and naïve to take me on. ♪”
Sora recklessly threw five cards down on the table. Just like always, he had triumphed whilst concealing his blatant methods of cheating—which at this point could be considered natural for someone like him. But unexpectedly——
“…As expected of our king. Marvelous skill. I’m impressed.”
The defeated girl then rose from her seat, gracefully pinched the hem of her dress, and humbly bowed.
“Then, in accordance with our wagers—please allow me to serve as your maid.”
——If she won, her noble rank would’ve risen, enshrining her and her family margraves of the new territories. If she lost, however, she would have to follow the chief minister’s policies and serve in the royal castle as a maid. Those were the wagers laid out before the game…but……
“…Hmm. Might just be me, but hasn’t everyone been acting a little weird lately?”
After seeing off the girl—now dubbed Maid-and-Lady-in-Waiting E—Sora mumbled warily.
Today marked the fifth time that a daughter of a lord has challenged him as a proxy. Even stranger is how each daughter’s reaction was identical—none of them were bitter. In fact, they each consistently left in a good mood with a seemingly elated look on their face……
In this girls’ case, it was evident something was off: first off, this noble daughter-now-maid and tea fetcher lost, meaning she was cut off from gaining rights to the new territories, and yet on her way out she suddenly struck a guts pose[1], shouting “Alriiiiight!!” as loud as she could. Just what the hell is going on here…?
“There isn’t some disease going around, is there? God, last thing we need is a plague, in another world no less.”
The level of civilization in Elkia was comparable to that of the early fifteenth century—meaning the mere existence of antibiotics was null.
If an infectious disease were to spread, it would lead to crisis and a nationwide quarantine—not to mention the danger Sora and the others’ lives would be put in. So, depending on the severity of this predicament, the Commonwealth of Elkia may need to discuss countermeasures——
“…Nii…this is why…you’re still, a virgin……”
“So worrying about the kingdom from time to time makes me a virgin!? Screw it then, let the kingdom fall!!”
Hearing the coldhearted claim made by his little sister sitting in his lap, Sora immediately fell into a state of despair.
“Master, I believe what Shiro-sama was suggesting is that those girls’ lost on purpose. ♪”
The answer to his cries came from a heavenly voice, one that shouldn’t have been there altogether. Emerging from the thin fabric of empty space, it was a girl with crosses for pupils—a Flügel named Jibril.
“……? Lost on purpose?”
“Indeed. In other words, their true goal was the right to serve under you, Master.”
……I see, so that’s why she was so happy, Sora frowned.
A lord sends his daughter to the King’s side, purposefully have her lose, and then have her prove that her beauty and sex appeal are more important than winning a game. If she succeeds, she could even aim for the position of Queen. From an aristocratic perspective, it was just a steppingstone to a legitimate marriage of state, but——
“…Being a pawn in a honey trap at the request of your parents isn’t exactly a pleasant thing to hear…”
This being the case, we should probably send them all back home… Sora thought with careful consideration, however…
“And why would they not? To me it seems that it would be a rather pleasant thing for them, would it not?”
“…Mm? Why?”
Sora couldn’t keep up with what she was indicating, yet Jibril continued, absolutely beaming.
“While I may still be unacquainted with the subtleties of Immanity’s emotions—to me no matter how you look at it, those girls felt the L word for you, Master. ♡”
The L word? What is this, kindergarten? Regardless—that’s just not possible, Sora sighed.
“You’re so naive, Jibril. Come on, how would someone fall in love with someone like me?”
“With all due respect, Master, you ought to take a look at yourself first.”
Hmm…well, let’s see: I’m a socially inept virgin, a gamer, a shut-in with no education, no job, no girlfriend… okay, why should I continue if I already know my life is a complete sham?
“Well—Master is the hero who saved Elkia, Immanity’s last remaining nation.”
However, Jibril proceeded anyway, exaggerating her speech with an overly dramatic tone.
“He came to Disboard from another world, and took on the Elves’ spies—triumphed against their magic and became King… If it weren’t for Master, Immanity could have perished.”
…That’s, well……
“He utilized his knowledge of the other world to conquer Elkia and seized the throne!! Took down me, a Flügel, with ease!! Reclaimed territory after defeating the Eastern Union, the third largest nation in the world!! Thwarted Oceand’s copulation schemes!! Finally, he took down the Old Deus and even the Ex-Machina!! ——He did all this without bloodshed.”
…Well, yeah……
“And so, Elkia, which had been on the verge of extinction, was transformed into a great commonwealth of many races—appropriately dubbed the Commonwealth of Elkia, which now rivals that of the world’s largest nation, Elven Gard.”
…Hmm……
“Standing before a powerful opposition that all had believed to be beyond Immanity’s reach, without fear or trepidation, he boldly challenged and subdued them with wits—and at last, even the Old Deus were defeated. A mutual prosperity that transcends the barriers of race became a reality, something that was considered only possible in dreams—this in of itself shows that there are no limits to Immanity. He is the man, the myth, the legend!! ——And scene. That is who you are, Master.”
…I see, when you put it that way, I sound like the coolest badass ever.
Truth of the matter is—it was quite a heroic tale if you could get past the “socially inept virgin” part.
Sora turned with a melancholy look in his eyes, but——
“Master, objectively speaking—is there any reason you shouldn’t be popular among women?”
“……Objectively?”
——You’re asking me……? Well, if we look back at all that’s transpired, regardless of setbacks, Jibril’s interpretation isn’t that far off, yeah?
“Well, even without such feats, Master is still the undisputed King of this nation—I feel it’s only common sense that women would come to him for his wealth and power, whether as a private citizen or not.”
——I-I see. That’s for sure.
It may sound like a purposeful marriage of state, but it’s natural for commonfolk to value their marriage partners based on their occupation and economic status. There’s no shame in that.
“Then let me ask once more—is there any reason, Master, you shouldn’t be popular among women?”
“…W-Well…S-Shiro? Jibril’s saying all this, but…”
Thinking about it truthfully…I can’t help but feel like she’s right.
But, facing the prospect of a counter-intuitive answer, he glanced down at Shiro for confirmation. As it turned out—it seemed to be the reason for why Shiro was so grumpy in his lap,
“……Mm. Lately, Nii…has been, too popular……”
The words confirming Sora’s suspicions led him to tremble with shock, as if a hammer had struck him down right on the head.
Well, why wouldn’t I be!?
I’m a king, aren’t I!? The King of Immanity, a hero who saved the world!? If that doesn’t make me popular, what in the hell would!?
Well, first off—in a world where everything is decided by games——
Disboard, where all war and plunder is forbidden and everything is determined through games, one’s strength in a game is—well, the only thing that cements them as having absolute power!! I’m the most powerful man in the world—it’s inevitable I’d have girls crawling all over me, right!?
“No, Master. With all due respect, you are far too humble.”
It appears Sora’s thoughts may have slipped out his mouth, and Jibril solemnly corrected him.
“Indeed, Master is Immanity’s strongest—but being the strongest does not apply solely to Immanity.”
……Wha…what?
“Master has taken on and defeated the Flügel, and even the Elves. The Werebeasts, Sirens, Dhampir, Old Deus, and even the Ex-Machina—he has proven himself more than capable.”
——W-What…? If I understand correctly, then……?
“So you mean not just any girl!! There’s also Angel-girls, Elf-girls, Animal-girls, Mermaids, Vampiresses—even the Goddesses and Mecha-girls are under my thumb, yeah!?”
And that means… I’m the most popular man in the history of mankind—no, I’m the most irresistible, greatest king to have ever been born, yeah——!?
“Well then, Master…with that in mind, I, Jibril, have a suggestion for you.”
“Oh…you wanna propose to me, the king of all women? All right, special pardon granted. Why don’t you tell me?”
Sora immediately got too carried away, and Jibril tells him with brutal honesty.
“Those five who were welcomed as maids—why not welcome them to the inner chamber[2] instead?”
——The inner chamber, a place where the king’s many wives and mistresses reside. In other words—a harem.
“It’s clear by how they appear that they wouldn’t refuse—in fact, I’m sure they would be more than happy to enter. I too would be grateful if you were to welcome me there as well. ♥”
……N-Nope…nopity nope, not ever. C-Could I really?
He is the greatest, most irresistible king out there, and yet he was still a virgin. He stared down in response to Jibril’s proposal, absolutely terrified. Sora was bracing himself for the subzero gaze coming from Shiro on his lap, but——
“……Mm. …A mistress…doesn’t make them your wife, does it……?”
Completely out of nowhere, Shiro gave a thumbs up—and announced.
“……I’ll, allow it. …Nii, congrats on losing your…virginity.”
“STEEEEEEEPH!! We’re building an inner chamber! I’m gonna be a harem king!!”
As they say, strike while the iron’s hot.
With Shiro hoisted under one arm, he shot into the chief minister’s office like an arrow. Like a sound effect, a loud fwoop rang out behind Sora as he barked at the red-haired girl sitting peacefully at her desk, sliding her pen across tons of paperwork. She was the chief minister of Elkia—Stephanie Dola…and slowly, very slowly, she turned around. Then, calmly, she let out a deep sigh…and replied:
“……Would you wake up already?”
————————?
Huh? The hell’s Steph talking about? What does she mean by that? Ooooh~? Could it be that Steph wants to join the harem of the most powerful king in the world? You’re an incredibly cute girl too, so don’t worry your highness, King Sora will take good care of you——
“…You are aware, right? This is just a dream.”
“…………Huh? Wh-What?”
As soon as Steph said that—crack! Everything around him began to burst wide open, and the color drained from the world before him.
“I mean, let’s be honest, there’s no way Sora would be that popular…”
With each word she uttered, one after another—crack!
Is this…the sound of my dream collapsing?
————Pfft, of course not, because I’m the world’s…strongest gamer…
“Ehh, only because you have Shiro by your side. Sora on his own is——”
——Crack!
Or is it the sound of my heart breaking?
——N-No, don’t…don’t say anything beyond that…!
“——no more than a toddler who can’t even walk or talk, let alone play games.”
——Crack!
It was so loud that Sora knew it had to be the sound of his own heart breaking.
He tried to block out Steph’s words with his own——n-no, don’t…please!!
“He’s a liar, a cheater, and a fraud. Always so arrogant and appearing so strong, but the truth is he doesn’t have the slightest bit of confidence. You say you want to be popular, but when someone likes you, you panic and run away. You want a girlfriend, but you don’t even know what you want because you can’t distinguish between sexual desire and love—that is what you are, Sora.”
And finally—crash!
Listening to his heart crumble, Sora just, whimpered…and…
“How can you ever expect to be popular as a lazy, reckless king who doesn’t do shit and never sees his people? Can’t you at least get a job instead of hopelessly dreaming like an idiot?”
As Sora listened to Steph’s voice, which was rapidly fading away, his consciousness began slowly resurfacing—and he smiled faintly.
——Haha, yeah, I knew it was a dream from the very beginning… If I had to guess, I’d say that Shiro and I had already figured it out when we were diligently working. But even so—why not? It’s just a dream… Like, can’t I dream inside, well, my dream…?
As Sora slowly began waking up, he thought about the same thing he always does when he wakes up in the morning.
……C’mon, if you’re gonna let me dream, at least lemme do something erotic before waking me up……
■■■
“Soraaaaa!! Shirooooo!? Are you guys in there!? Are you asleep!?”
Beneath his covers, Sora could hear Steph hollering noisily and pounding on the door.
Aaah—just like in my dreams, she’ll kick me outta bed and try to get me to work today.
Answering the all-to-familiar voice of reality, he responded hoarsely—as if trying to squeeze his words out.
“……I don’t even wanna wake up anymore, I’m not even popular with women…”
Ignoring Steph, who barked and started kicking at the door, Sora sunk even deeper under the covers.
——After Sora had woken up from his dream, he cried.
He buried his face in his pillow and cried so hard he went limp. Not because his harem fantasy didn’t come true even in his dreams—but because it made him realize the truth he shut out for so long.
It’s true—Sora is a virgin. It’s true that he’s an unemployed shut-in on the road to becoming a deadbeat, but as Jibril had said in his dream, he is still one of Immanity’s strongest gamers. That is a fact, and more importantly, there is no doubt that he is the King of Elkia. He has so much power and status, yet he is still not popular. So, in that case, how can Sora be popular? The answer was clear——
——it was impossible.
And thus, Sora spoke to the one on the other side of the door through his swollen vocal cords.
“The reason why men live…is to be popular with women……”
——What is the purpose of life?Well, that’s a rather loaded question, but at least the men have a clear answer to it: the purpose of life is, biologically speaking, to show that you are superior and to reproduce with a cute girl. To put it bluntly, men always work hard because they think they are cool. It’s to get girls to say “You’re so cool! ♥” with hearts in their eyes!! They risk their lives; they seek fame and fortune—the very reason they continue living in this unforgiving world is to be popular!!
……But, well. What if that never happens? What if, not matter how hard you risk your life, no matter how much fame and fortune you accumulated, you could never get a girl to look at you with hearts in her eyes—what if you were never popular and could never have a girlfriend?
“…Why should I even get up every day knowing I’ll never be popular? Why should I continue living after realizing the pain I go through will never be worth it, but only continue? Ughhhh…so tired……”
Ugh……I’m so tired. So tired of living in a reality where getting a girl is impossible. I’m tired of living a life where I’m not even allowed dream of being popular with them.
“Hey, Shiro…your brother’s gonna die in this bed, that okay……?”
“…Zzzz……”
Sleeping audibly right beside him, he held his little sister close, knowing these would be the last tears he would shed in this life.
“I’ve got no clue what you’re talking about!! Just get up and come out here, quickly!! We’re in some crazy situation!! We’re…we’re trapped!?”
“My humblest apologies, Master. I can’t seem tospatial shift or use any magic——”
“Addendum: Current location unknown. All structures impenetrable, including what appears to be many exits. In addition, the existence of foodstuffs and drinking water is unknown—Conclusion: It is estimated that everyone including Master is in grave danger. Not good.”
Two more voices following Steph’s were what finally got him, along with Shiro, up.
————…………Huh?
“……Huh? Where…are we?”
After managing to peel himself off the bed and leaving the room with Shiro, they realized this place wasn’t Elkia Royal Castle, nor was it their room in the castle. In fact, the place in of itself was completely foreign to them. Waiting outside their door, in addition to Steph, was a Flügel girl with a halo above her head and an Ex-Machina with prismatic hair—Jibril and Emir-Eins.
According to the girls, the use of spatial transfer, magic, or even destroying the structure, was impossible. In the midst of this chilling information being brought to light, Steph continued—rather anxiously.
“So, Sora has no clue either… It seems everyone found themselves sleeping in weird room…where even is this place? Or well—why are we even here?”
In other words—all five of them, Sora and Shiro, Steph and Jibril, along with Emir-Eins, woke up in weird rooms and didn’t even know why they were here……
No form of magic could be used either—so they were essentially trapped in a sealed room where escape was near impossible, not to mention the lack of food. Just as Steph had exclaimed earlier, things were crazy, so Sora decided to take a deep breath and just look around.
The place was quite unfamiliar—it had a somewhat fancy look to it. Not even a single window was present in the room, so trying to peek outside was impossible. There was just a small sofa and table in the center of the room, along with five chairs. Then—there was a literal void with just four small doors accompanied by one large door. Four small doors—each of which individually led to their respective rooms the five of them woke up in.
Surely, if there were an exit here, it would be this one—Sora slowly and quietly inched up to the one large door.
……No knob, no keyhole. When pushed it doesn’t budge. It won’t seem to open, but I guess that’s to be expected. At any rate——
There was one thing that was for sure—it was a huge problem for everyone. The five of them then noticed the sign on the door, or more precisely, noticed what was inscribed on it—it was a string of Immanity characters. They read——
——A Space Where Only Couples May Leave……
■■■
——Is this……heaven?
“S-Sora!? What’s wrong!?”
Steph’s voice felt somewhat distant as tears of gratitude ran down Sora’s cheeks. The reality that she had crushed in his dreams was now right before him.
……It’s been so long…eighteen long years of hard work. So long since I came to this world. But finally, at long last, what I’ve been waiting for has finally come——!! This is it—a space where only couples may leave——!!
Couple—according to the dictionary, it is defined as “one pair, one group” or “two persons married, engaged, or otherwise romantically paired.”
Sora and Shiro clearly fit the first definition, but given they couldn’t leave at the moment, then that kind of “couple” didn’t apply here.
If so—then it’s clear that what couple meant here was “romantically paired”!! And there were four women and only one man here! To top it off, they were all trapped in a space where only couples could leave!!
For Sora, who had been despairing over the reality of being forever alone—how could he not be moved to tears…?
Having to survive with no girlfriend all his life, this truly was a historical event——!!
——What, you think it’ll just stop before it gets to the good stuff, like always? Haha, nah, that’s not what I’m after.
First off, we’re all trapped in this room. There’s no way I’d get away with doing something erotic. I mean, it’s honestly amazing how some people who get trapped in a room where they can’t leave unless they do something erotic actually do something erotic, ignoring the fact that they’re likely being watched.
Is that why I’m so happy? Anyway, that’s not what I’m after!! Even if it’s just a mere formality, at least it’s an excuse to get the hell outta here!!
When I walk outta here, I’m gonna upgrade from “an eighteen-yea-old virgin who’s never had a girlfriend” to “an eighteen-year-old virgin who’s had one girlfriend”!!
……What’s the difference, you might ask?
Well, they aren’t the same at all, actually. Why is Sora, the King and one half of Immanity’s strongest gamers, so unpopular with girls? Well, whatever’s multiplied by zero is always zero! No matter how much fortune, fame, etc. you multiply by zero, in the end it’ll still be nothing!
But, if only for a moment, I had a girlfriend—even for 0.1 seconds—it could pave the way for an answer greater than zero for once!
A virgin who has never had a girlfriend, even for a moment, versus a virgin who has a girlfriend, even though she broke up with him soon after—it’s so obvious that there’s a bigger gap between the two than the chasm between heaven and earth!!
……Aah, well, of course, you can never be too optimistic—it is quite a bizarre situation after all.
With having no memory of what on earth happened before this, being trapped in a room with no way out, our lives in danger, and being forced into making romantic relations…
Surely with the Ten Covenants in place, it’s impossible to imprison someone and wipe their memory, yeah?
The only exception to that is “mutual consent.” In other words, something like this could’ve only happened with consent from both parties.
——So yeah, this situation was definitely a game of some sort. The opponent and purpose of this game are unknown—that must’ve been agreed upon in the playing conditions—and this is likely a game for territory. So if I didn’t think we stood a chance to win under these conditions, we wouldn’t even be in this mess.
You don’t think I was so desperate that I said, “I’ll do anything to get a girlfriend!” or something, right!? No way I went crazy and started this game I couldn’t win just because I felt like it…!!
So, with that in mind, there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore. With reverse flags[3] on, all conditions have been met, and a surefire victory is at hand!
After thinking all this in far less than a tenth of a second, Sora looked back sharply at the girls again.
Now let’s see, who’s going to be my very first girlfriend, hmmmmmmmmmm!?
“Clarification: Situation assessed. Resolution simple and clear. A cinch. Einfar[4].”
——The first move was, in a way, expected. The mecha girl in a maid outfit with prismatic hair leaned on Sora’s right arm—then told him:
“Arrangement: Current space may only be escaped from by forming a couple. This unit loves Master. Likes. Loves. Loves very much. Hehehe. All Master must do is utter the following: me too, and the couple will be formed. Escape from said space is possible this way. Now, Master. Repeat after me: mi-‘tu[5]?”
As Sora listened to her whispers graze his ear, he became the sole embodiment of a man thinking something dirty. In other words—the look on his face was as serious as humanely possible.
——Heh…so Emir-Eins is gonna be my very first girlfriend, ain’t that something? While she can be a little sickly, pompous, and heavy-handed with her affection, she was undoubtedly a beautiful girl. Not to mention she was a custom-made maid, a robot girl that calls me master—okay, that settles it!!
“——In that case, Master, please allow me to fill her role for you.”
As if to balance the scales, Jibril leaned on Sora’s left arm.
“Master needs not to choose some piece of junk, as his loyal servant is right here. From one morning to the next, I shall provide all the services you may desire like a 24-hour convenience store! ♥”
“Rebuttal: It is impossible for a Flügel, who does not understand the subtlety of emotions, to provides services that satisfies Master.”
“What was that? What did you say, you artificial simpleton who fails to see that Master doesn’t want you?”
“Acknowledgement: Defect detected in the Irregular Number’s hearing. Her old age must be catching up with her. Poor thing.”
“I’d say it’s better than having a brain defect—oops, my apologies! I forgot that you have no brain. ♪”
The two beautiful girls with sharp tongues flashed their murderous intents at one another with Sora stuck in between. Normally, Sora would be squirming, but he kept his composure as he observed the matter.
——Hmm, so Jibril is my first girlfriend now? No, that’s perfect.
Keeping her cool, Jibril, the now self-proclaimed servant, was more than willing to be more than just a lover to him. Rather than taking the initiative to serve under him like Emir-Eins, she was willing to do all that was asked of her—no questions asked.
H-Hold up, what? That’s, that’s good right!? For the first time in my life, I’m the main protagonist!?
Who the hell are you to judge who you take as a girlfriend when you’re a goddamn virgin? But that’s what this situation calls for! That’s right, this must be an act of God!!
Aah…~ It feels so good to be a popular guyyyyyyy!!
“H-Hold on just a second! I-Isn’t there a different problem right now!?”
Steph panicked and shouted at Sora, who was still shaking with lustful thoughts.
“Rejection: The nameless female has repeatedly denied any fondness of the Master. She is not allowed to speak in this matter. It is highly recommended she depart from the Master immediately. Komme gehen[6]?”
“Oh, perhaps you’re finally willing to admit you like Master, Dora-chan? ♥”
“H-Huhhh!? No, th-that doesn’t matter right now, okay!?”
——Hmmm, well, I guess Steph could be my first girlfriend too.
It would be the most “lover-like” too. She can do everything from sewing to cooking—she’s plain, versatile, and let’s not forget the homey charm she has. And above all, she’s a beautiful girl, but—not that beautiful at the same time.
It’s nice to have a little normalcy, yeah? No matter how many elaborate dishes you eat, in the end you’ll always come back to that sweet miso soup.
Sora was swayed by a sense of stability that reminded him of a childhood friend heroine, but…with the words that followed, the erratic thoughts in his head finally came to an end.
“If only couples can leave—doesn’t that mean only four of us get out!?”
——……
————————Hm?
“Aren’t there five of us!? If four of us can leave—what about the last person!?”
“That appears to be case, is it not? If Master is to be a couple with me, then Shiro-sama will inevitably be a couple with Dora-chan. That leaves only one—in layman’s terms, I say we officially dispose of that piece of junk there without even needing to consider who to leave behind.”
——……
————————What!? The hell are you saying!?
“Negative: The definition of couple is unclear. It presumes that one must have romantic feelings. This unit loves Master very much, therefore a couple between this unit and Master can be formed immediately. As for the Irregular Number, Master’s little sister may command her to fall in love with her. Therefore, it is the nameless female who dies. You.”
“If romantic feelings are a requirement by the game’s terms, then ignore this piece of junk—but…Dora-chan? Did you really think Master wouldn’t notice what you noticed?”
“Unavoidable: The question of who to leave behind is the reason for why Master wept.”
“N-No way… Sora, is that true!?”
“————…………”
But Sora couldn’t answer Steph’s question.
——Cut me some slack, it’s not exactly easy to grasp a situation while enduring all that. My brain’s all out of whack so how could I focus on that?
Wait wait wait—if I go through with this, that will change my look of Sora, virgin, eighteen-years-old—think about it!!
So yeah, with the wording here, only four people can leave. But hold on—there’s also the chance of a same-sex relationship!
——Wait, that’s bad. Shit shit shit shit shit—really deep shit, yeah!? If that’s to be true…then I guess I really am just an eighteen-year-old fucking virgin, huh!?
“I won’t allow this! If someone has to be left behind, how the hell do you expect me to decide!?”
“Request: An alternate means of escape. If there is none, then this unit will be a couple with Master and escape. Then, it is most practical to reassess the rescue method for the one remaining person. That is, the nameless female.”
“Nooo!! Just look at the agony on Sora’s face!! You’re thinking of another way, right Sora!?”
Sorry to get your hopes up Steph—but I’m not. Of course, I’ll need to think about that too, and as soon as possible.
But more importantly, Sora was pondering the matter with his brain racing.
——Specifically, the outcome of all this. He had to think again about whether he would be able to leave—in other words——
“…All of you—shut up……”
——Shiro, who had been keeping her head down in complete silence up until this point, finally spoke up. The commanding voice struck them all like a sudden flood, and an eerie silence fell upon them. And then, swaying, with a visage reminiscent of that to the grim reaper—she turned around.
——Of course, no one in the room could have known what was going through Shiro’s mind. However, Shiro had already lost her temper when she was told that she and her brother weren’t a couple.
What’s more—no one even brought up the potentiality of Sora and Shiro becoming a couple, so——
“…Everyone…let’s play…a game, yeah?”
She hid her festering emotions with a simple smile and continued in a cheerful manner.
“…The loser…must destroy their feelings for Sora…and will hate Nii…and then, the winner…decides who will be…a couple……”
Shiro proposed a game in which she would bet with her love—something more important to her than her own life.
——Aaah, this is the perfect opportunity. Here, I will end all of you——
In other words, a black and white ordeal of who is to be the right heroine. To all the girls beside Shiro—it was a clear declaration of war. No——
——it was a declaration of absolute eradication……
Even though they couldn’t know what was going through her head, the girls understood Shiro’s intentions from the evident “hostility” she wore—so,
“Engagement: Attempting to steal this unit’s love, it’s heart. The essence of an Ex-Machina. This unit will destroy the enemy by any means necessary. Aus. …Fight like hell. This unit cannot lose.”
“Although I may be an inept servant who has yet to understand the feelings of love—if Shiro-sama has permitted resistance, then I will do so with all my might. I humbly ask for your cooperation and will go all out—I will not fail.”
Jibril and Emir-Eins were so determined to fight one another that the atmosphere shook with their commitment.
“I-I don’t even have any feelings to destroy though!?”
In a frantic panic, Steph raised her voice, but——
“Command: Terms acknowledged. This unit’s analysis—the greatest potential obstacle is the nameless female. This unit shall take this opportunity to eliminate any and all obstructions for Master’s love. Not even one of you will escape. Du-Du-Dun Dun-Dun[7].”
“If you have nothing to lose, Dora-chan—then what’s the problem? ♥”
“…Steph…let’s, end this stupid…charade, shall we…?”
As declared, the girls surrounded Steph with zero intentions of letting her go.
“S-Soraaaaaa!? A-Aren’t you gonna stop them!?”
She was crammed between a blank-faced Emir-Eins, a beaming Jibril, and a coldhearted Shiro. Steph called out for help as the situation got more and more out of control, however——
——WHAM……!!
Her cry was returned with a resounding thud that immediately sent everyone into complete silence.
“…The hell? You all…hey! The hell are you all doing!?”
After slamming his fist into the door as hard as he could, enough to possibly break his own hand, they all turned toward Sora in shock.
“You guys know I’d never agree to this shit if that was the solution—!! Riiiiight!?”
That’s right—there’s no way he’d ever let this happen under his watch.
And again, without his consent something like this couldn’t have happened—but in the first place, there was no way he’d let something like this happen!!
The reason being that he knew there was only one conceivable outcome to this development, namely——
The birth of two girl-on-girl couples with Sora left all alone!!
“Come on!! Let us outta here!! What kinda con did you set us up for, dammit!?”
“S-Sora! Th-That means…!”
“I’d never agree to something like this—two pairs outta five people!? There’s no way in hell I’d allow such cruelty!! There’s gotta be some other rules!!”
He called upon the supposed host of this game—letting out a passionate cry of the soul for the truth.
This very situation was like Sora’s elementary school trauma all over again: All right class, pair up with a friend!
The utter hatred adorning Sora’s voice immediately pulled the girls, who were on the brink of all-out war with one another, back to their senses.
“…Indeed. To believe Master would be willing to sacrifice another was foolish……”
“Penitence: Victory without sacrifice. That is who Master is. This unit is truly ashamed.”
“………It may be just me, but… Am I the only one starting to think Sora wasn’t aware of everything until now?”
I was aware 0.001 seconds into all this, what the hellllllll!?!?
“………………Nii…you idiot…”
“D-Dammiiiiiiiiiiittt…!!”
Trying to escape Shiro’s icy gaze—who seemed to have pieced together all her older brother’s thoughts flawlessly just now—Sora punched the door as hard as he could before falling to the floor and crying out in pain—however.
The door that should’ve only opened to no one but couples—was now wide open, throwing them all off-balance.
■■■
No matter what they did, be it punching or pushing it, the door wouldn’t budge, but—no wonder it didn’t open.
——It was a sliding door.
Sora went up to the door and yanked it to the side, sending it flying open. Consequently, the fierce momentum sent Sora crashing down to the floor face forward.
“Don’t tell me…were we really that frickin’ stupid!? None of you tried…sliding, it——?“
Sora quickly began lashing out, but after looking up his speech immediately came to a halt.
“Sora!? Are you oka——wha…”
“Master, are you alright————!?”
The girls all ran toward Sora in worry, only to stop right in their tracks and gasp. As soon as they laid eyes on the sight spread out before them—they were equally as speechless as he was.
——They found themselves in a small garden.
Within it lied a fluorescent patch of richly colored flowers, embellished by numerous petals dancing through the air whimsically. Lining the outside was a beautiful hedge of blossoming roses and lying beyond it was a forest of barren trees.
The cute buds of spring, the healthy leaves of summer, the ripe blossoms of autumn, and the hardy bulbs of winter…
Like a beautiful canvas belonging to the most talented of artists—the garden had all of nature’s beauty in one place.
At the other end of the garden, there was a large gate made up of woven flowers, adorned by a gorgeous plaque inscribed with the same words as before.
——A Space Where Only Couples May Leave…
Just like the door, it said again—a space…
Thinking about it now, nothing suggested that this space was necessarily referring to that room Sora and the others were in earlier…
However, it was neither that foolish oversight nor the spectacle that left them speechless—it was what was floating in the center of the garden, perched atop an exceptionally enormous flower.
It was young girl—dancing around in the air with tiny wings on her back, looking as if they were woven from rainbows.
Well, no…not really young per se.
She was just super-duper short, certainly no taller than a toddler if you put them side by side.
Nevertheless—the girl’s lime-colored eyes stared vacantly into space; her lemon-colored hair tied up into pigtails and a large flower decorating the top of her head. Long, slender arms and legs, small yet subtle breasts, curvy waist—her physique, though not fully mature, had the faint seductive charm of a young girl on the cusp of blooming into a woman.
So, yeah. To put it simply, she was just—small.
It was as if a tiny doll resembling a beautiful girl had come to life.
A small, astonishing young girl who couldn’t possibly have been human. Rather, she had to be——
“——A Fairy!? Th-That must mean we’re inside a spatial phase boundary—within Spratool!?”
“Emergency: Presence of a third-party race confirmed. Requesting Master to devise strategy at once. Situation critical.”
Huddling behind Sora’s back, Jibril and Emir-Eins alerted the rest of the group rather aggressively.
——A Flügel and an Ex-Machina.
Members of the two most bullshit races the world prided itself upon immediately took up battle-ready stances, as if preparing for war.
In hindsight, Sora really should’ve taken this matter with a greater sense of urgency. At this point though, regardless of how unfortunate it may have been, this shitty, pathetic, eighteen-year-old virgin wasn’t in any condition to be thinking that clearly.
——I see…a Fairy, huh?
An outcome where I’m left all alone—something I would never dream of agreeing to. But, with this sixth person now here, perhaps I won’t be all alone after all——!
It was quite evident that the young girl before them was a Fairy, and without a doubt the host of this game!
She was a new character, likely the culprit who locked them up—in other words, she was the tiny heroine taking on the unfortunate role of an accompanying teacher, one tasked with coupling up her remaining students!!
……Well, I wouldn’t be lying if I said my first girlfriend was of compact size, right?
Still, he was a virgin—and was in no position to worry about the little things. Everything should be OK!
Hey little lady, how are ya? You’re my partner, and there’s nothing you can do about it——!!
Though, he would never let such inane thoughts slip out so clearly, as shown with the more than serious expression on his face.
Even if only temporarily, she would be his girlfriend. They’ve never met before, so there was no way she would know what he was like. All he had to do was make a good first impression, maybe then he could take it even further beyond!!
Sora’s eyes were burning with passion, as if determined to not let this opportunity pass him by.
Jibril and Emir-Eins’ animosity remained constant and accounted for, seemingly growing larger and larger in mass.
However, the Fairy girl paid them no mind and continued on her merry way, dancing in the air whimsically without a care in the world.
That’s right—she was dancing.
Her nimble fingertips brushed through the air majestically as she danced atop the flower’s petals, acting as if it were a stage. With each and every step she took, copious sums of bubbles spilled from the flower’s bud and into the air.
Was it a play of some sort? Afraid not. Carried by the breeze, the bubbles spread all throughout the garden. With every pop of one, something new was born, be it a flower, a tree, a rock, a spring—all painted in heavenly colors.
Even without understanding the logic behind it all, there was something Sora and Shiro—and even Steph—were sure of.
——This has to be Fairy magic.
The Fairy was dancing her way through the small garden with ease, adding things wherever she saw fit.
Before long, her little spree of creation came to a halt, perhaps deciding it was time for a break. With elegance, the Fairy chose a flower to rest on, letting out a small sigh and rolling her shoulders back.
This was their first time hearing her cute little voice, one that would capture the hearts of any who heard it. But then——
“Ughhh this sucks… Whyyy do I gotta be the one stuck doin’ this? Goddammit…”
Squatting rather indecently on the flower with a hand on one cheek, the young girl who didn’t seem to have gotten any love for so long…spoke her first words.
————————,
Jesus. His first (to-be) girlfriend sounded like a complete nutcase.
The young girl, who’s appearance was downright the definition of adorable, stared off into space with a scowl on her face.
While Sora and the others were left absolutely dumbfounded, the Fairy girl whipped out a cigar and match from her skirt pocket with her adjacent hand. With no room for hesitation, she held the cigar up to her mouth and lit it, all in one smooth motion.
And naturally, littered the ashes coming off the cigar’s butt.
“Puaaa…ah? Ahhh…y’all are awake, eh? Rather fast at that. Uhhhh, y’all gonna hafta wait a bit longer, ‘kay? I ain’t done preppin’ the game yet sooooo…yeah.”
She took a moment to open her mouth wide, exhaling a huge puff of violet-colored smoke, then continuing——
“Ughhhh… the hell they get off thinkin’ I can build such a large space all by myself with like, barely any time……the hell!? Wh-What!? Shit—the ashes are gettin’ on my skirt! It’s…it’s burning!? Where’s the water!? Gimme water someone—gyaaa!?”
With a scream, she quickly chucked the half-smoked cigar and began squealing and writhing about.
Not only Sora, but Shiro and even Steph nearly gawked at the sight of her dancing in a frayed panic, until the girl finally realized she could probably just use her magic to put the fire out.
…Well, not gonna lie, this is kind of a letdown……
“…………Uhhhh, Jibril…that is a Fairy, right…?”
“Indeed, Master. She is without a shadow of a doubt a member of the Fairies—the ninth-ranked race.”
——The ninth-ranked Ixseed—Fairy……
Sora and Shiro’s knowledge of them was very minimal. They knew they were a race practically enslaved to the Elves—and that the majority of their people lived in Elven Gard as slaves.
According to Chlammy’s memories, they are also forced to comply in aiding magic to the nation, the details of which were a secret of the state——
——Regardless, that’s not the point right now.
“…That ain’t no damn Fairy… That right there is some run-down district’s old pub mama[8]…”
Sora couldn’t help but let his thoughts slip out, especially at the sight of something so different from what he had imagined.
Her dancing, which had looked so cute earlier, now had the air of a veteran stripper who danced at some local nightclub. She exuded the aura of an old woman who’s long had her fill of life’s sweet and sourness.
——Would ya look at that, now she’s dancing with a cigar in her mouth. Not to mention her excessive groaning.
She’s also been taking a drink out of something for a while now, alcohol maybe?
……Ugh, seriously? My first girlfriend is really gonna be some chain-smoking MILF who reeks of booze, huh?
Absolutely NOT. While I do understand that I’m in no position to complain, come on man—something like this I just can’t stomach, okay?
Even in my wildest dreams, I could never see myself being lovers with that thing, would you…?
“…My apologies, Master. I’m afraid I’m not quite sure what to do… Please give me orders.”
“Caution: Precedent of victory over Fairies in Spratool—null. Unable to calculate volatile means of action.”
However, Sora’s lament was cut short by the two voices filled with frustration.
“……? Well…ehm, have the Fairies always been that dangerous?”
They nodded in unison toward Sora, who wondered why the two were in such a panic.
“Indeed. At the time of the Great War, they were considered among the top seven races—capable of wiping out Flügel in the double digits.”
“Record: Four hundred and thirty-seven former Alt-Ortcluster units attempted engagement within Spratool—zero returned. All units eliminated.”
——Whoa, h-hold on. Th-That’s gotta be a joke, right?
No, calm down. This isn’t the Great War anymore. Things shouldn’t get that bad—at least, I hope they don’t.
But just seeing the look on Jibril and Emir-Eins faces was enough to make Sora, Shiro, and Steph all gulp.
That Fairy—she said she was getting the game all ready for them.
Should they let her continue? Shouldn’t they try and take action before she can start?
But—what would they do? There was literally nothing they could——
“Let’s go!! Just in time!! Aight, let’s get this goin’… Ahem… Aaaand time to get this show on the road, ‘kaaaay!?”
The Fairy girl suddenly shouted out, cutting off Sora and the others’ ongoing thoughts.
The Fairy girl hastily stamped out her cigar, cleared her throat, and then——
“——Whoa!? The hell!?”
Almost immediately, Sora and the others found themselves trapped inside a bubble with no means of escape.
Thoroughly ignored—without any room for hesitation, it all suddenly began————
■■■
“Heeey y’all! ♪ How’s ma cute li’l channel subs doin’? It’s y’all’s dear Foeniculum[9] back again! ✿”
——She changed into a completely different person.
At last, the way she spoke was befitting for her appearance.
Suddenly, a faint music track began to play in the background. The Fairy girl’s name was Foeniculum, and it seemed like she was speaking to something—an audience, but it wasn’t to Sora and the others in the bubble.
It was directed toward the flat square of light hovering in front of her——
“As promised, startin’ today I’m gonna start broadcasting my new, very special project—HEEEYYY!! Who do ya think y’all are dislikin’ ma stream this early!? I’ll knock the shit outta y’all!! Ah…ahahah, kidding! I don’t want y’all to unsub! There’s only one li’l shit in this world, and that’s meeeee!! Mwahhh~! ✿”
Anddddd only five seconds into the stream, the mask had already slipped off.
Sora watched, completely clueless about not only Fairies, but their magic too.
But be that as it may, he still understood what was happening.
“Seriously y’all! This time it’s a really cool and fun project, trust me!! I call it——!!”
That’s right: that square of light, her screen—it had an image projected on it.
——No matter how you looked at it, it was a “livestream.”
Not only that, but—it was being hosted by a pitiful, bottom-tier streamer none other than——
“Foeniculum Channel presents: an all-new original broadcast!!
“A Real Time, Real Love Documentary Show—
~A Space Where Only Couples May Leave or They’re Stuck Here Forever~ ✿”
Accompanying such a boastful declaration, obnoxiously loud firecrackers set off along with cheesy trumpet sound effects,
“Aight—lemme begin by explainin’ the goal of this project to the viewers, ‘kay y’all!?”
“Wait a minute, would you!? Shouldn’t you be explaining it to us first!?”
Sora barked a complaint from the bubble, but his words didn’t seem to reach Foeniculum.
Regardless, she continued to keep them clueless and began explaining the aim of the project.
“Right ‘ere—this a space I’ve created, Spratool[10]. A space where I’m also holdin’ this group of five—one man and four women—captive, ‘kay!? From today onwards, the five of them will live here together for an unlimited and indefinite period of time, and eventually fall in love with each other!!”
Her explanation seemed to confirm Sora and the other’s prior assessments, and only left them wondering about one thing——
“There are only two ways for these five to escape!!”
That’s right—a method of getting out of here.
At the mention of more than just one way out, Sora and the other’s narrowed their eyes attentively.
“The first is that a pair must declare themselves a couple, hold hands, and go through the gate!!”
The first method was as expected. After all, at the other end of the garden—there was the gate they had to go through as a couple. The exit.
“Or, two—ya gotta purchase a key and use it, allowing ya to escape alone!!”
——A key…?
Sora and the others furrowed their brows dubiously at this new information, but the girl continued to ignore them.
“Yeah, yeah… ✿ Y’all are all prolly sayin’ that’s all ya got? and whaddaya expect, this is Foeniculum, aren’tcha? Well, y’all’s wrists better be flexible, aight!? Don’t wanna fall outta ya seat and hurt ya self after seein’ all this now, would ya!? Anyway, I can see y’all are anxious to see who these five are, so without further ado—allow me to introduce y’all, ‘kaaay!?”
The next moment—Sora and the others suddenly struck stage poses against their will, while the Fairy began introducing them——
“That’s all of ‘em!! They’re the five hottest singles in Disboard, ready to get their love-live’s on!! Such a great lineup, amirite y’all!? Aight—aiiight, make sure y’all’s wrists are all good, ‘kay!?”
——……Were her viewers really falling out of their seats on the other end of the screen?
Regardless, such an opening like that made it seem as if they were the main characters in some low-budget visual novel—and an erotic one at that.
They were all introduced with their own theme song and shitty catchphrases, both reeking of unoriginality.
But Foeniculum—continuing to ignore them—couldn’t care less and carried on with her cheery spiel with no signs of slowing her roll.
“But ya may ask, is there any food or water here!? Weeell, the essentials these five will need to stay alive will be paid for by my precious li’l viewers—in other words, their Tips[11]! And y’all, be honest—aside from the Flügel and the Ex-Machina here, the others ain’t got no chance even lastin’ three days here without water, aight? Sooo, with that in y’all’s minds, if ya don’t want ya fav to die—be sure to send in ya money!! ✿”
She even went as far as threatening her own viewers for money, begging like some lowly Sn*pChat[12] influencer——
“Aight!! With that all outta the way, I suppose that about wraps up today’s openin’ stream! ✿”
And finally——
“I’ll be streamin’ every night at eight o’clock sharp startin’ tomorrow, ‘kay!? Be sure to spread it to all ya peeps!! Clipping and sharing is a big fat no-no[13]!! Y’all hafta bring ‘em here, aight!? See y’all tomorrow! Buh-baaaiii~!!”
She didn’t even give Sora and the others a chance to say anything till the very end.
With that, the opening stream of hers concluded without question——
■■■
——The bubble they were all trapped in popped.
But even after being released from their prison, they stayed absolutely stunned. As they stood there, speechless——
“Fufufu…easy-friggin’-peasy—my channel’s sub count is skyrocketinnnn’!! I knew invitin’ some hot-as-shit guests could make me loads-a easy cash, hahahaha!! All those shitheads callin’ me some bottom-tier can go fuck ‘em selves and cry in a hole, fuckin’ dumbaaasses!! Puhahahahaaa[14]!!”
Not even a moment later, Foeniculum already had her next cigar ready to go, cackling maniacally.
He had no words, but—even in the absence of any, Sora noticed she had gotten a little too carried away with her stream, muttering:
“……Hey, uh…you sure you didn’t forget to turn your mic and camera off?”
“K-Kyaaahhhnnn! ✿ Y-Y’aaalll~ U-Uh…l-lookin’ forward to y’all’s continued support~! ✿”
At the speed of light, Foeniculum chucked her cigar and scrambled to save her public image.
After that, she then made sure her camera and everything were off——
“…Shiiiiiit, they’re fuckin’ pissed… W-Well, I guess a li’l drama oughta get more peeps talkin’, yeah?”
Despite trying her best to keep herself cool, cold sweat trickled down her cheeks. Sora then pressed against his temples and asked:
“…Umm. With that all said and done, let’s get these rules straight for a sec…the hell are we doing exactly?”
“Hmm~? It’s just as I told y’all in the openin’ stream. Didja forget already?”
Did I forget to explain somethin’? Foeniculum tilted her head to the side in confusion.
“Sora-kun and Shiro-chan’s uhh—smartphone and tablet, yeah? Anyway, I’ve fitted ‘em to show ya the viewer’s donations—in other words, their Tips.”
As she explained, Sora and Shiro took out their devices to check.
Huh, okay—they both tapped an app icon they didn’t recognize, and sure enough…
As soon as the app opened, a value of [15,000] was displayed in bold, followed by a purchase screen.
“Surprise, each’a y’all get some early bonus Tips! ✿ Y’all can buy stuff with ‘em. Either ya leave as a couple with someone, ooor…ya can buy a key from da shop! That’s all there is to it, aight?”
Seems like a pretty simple game, yeah?
After Foeniculum said all that, Sora took a deep breath——
“————Hmm, okay. Lemme confirm one last extremely important thing.”
While it may have been a very simple game—there was one issue that had to be addressed.
A question so hefty, that the answer would decide whether this game was heaven or hell.
In other words——
“There’s only five of us—and, well… What I wanna ask is… is pairing up with you as a couple an option?”
“Huhhh~? Neva’ in a million years, playboy. Are ya stupid or somethin’?”
Despite Sora having made up his mind however, Foeniculum immediately grimaced and replied with a click of her tongue in disapproval.
“Didja forget I’m the Host? It’s y’all’s job to make me a popular streamer! That is to say…y’all gotta make ya love blossom and earn lotsa Tips to please the viewers, ‘kay!? Y’all betta’ give ‘em a good show, ya hear!? Ma popularityyy as a streamer’s gonna skyrocket soonnn! Welp, I got a bit a work to do, so Ima head out for a bit!! Pssschhh[15]!!”
And as soon as she said that, she fizzled into the void without another word.
…………,
The rest of the group just stood there in a daze—for a good five minutes.
Then—as the air around gradually began to creak, Sora looked up to the heavens and smiled.
Ahh…so, there’ll be two couples.
And for the remaining person—they can buy a key to leave.
Such an impossible predicament of having to sacrifice someone could easily be remedied this way.
Well—I can’t help but feel that——
“…………Hey……let’s, get back on…topic, yeah…?”
“Acknowledgement: We must compete to win Master’s love. Once again, this unit declares all-out war. Rally as one and come at me.”
“To challenge Shiro-sama with all my power, I could not think of a greater honor—now, let us commence.”
“C-Come on, guuuys!? In the end, it’s really gonna come down to this again!? Surely we can go about all this in another way, right!?”
Just like before, the girls were immediately at each other’s throats.
——Playing a game where one would have to pay the price of hating Sora forever.
He just watched as the hostility in the air grew bigger and bigger, until…that’s right——
“No… I don’t wanna be left all alone… Let me…LET ME OUTTA HEREEE!!”
——he realized it was just as he had expected:
There would be two girl-on-girl couples.
Solidifying him as the only one left—the loner.
Sora’s anguished scream rang out as tears ran down his face, realizing that’s exactly how this game would go…………
[1] A Japanese term written in katakana that describes a “victory” pose where one’s fist is pumped into the air
[2] Historically, the term dates back to the Edo period, where within the Edo Castle lied an inner chamber (otherwise known as the inner quarters). There the shōgun’s consort, concubines, and ladies in waiting resided
[3] Likely talking about the reverse flags on American military uniforms, which are patches that display a reversed rendition of the American flag, which is to represent assured victory
[4] German for “Simple.” Though, a more proper word would be Einfach
[5] The original line can’t exactly be put here “do-re-mo?”, so I went for a literal pronunciation of “me too” I found on the internet lol
[6] Seems to be very poor German written in Hiragana. It translates to “Come go,” while the furigana translates to “go away”
[7] This is a Terminator reference
[8] Another name for the term Mama-san or Mamasan. They are usually a woman in a position of authority, especially one in charge of a geisha house or bar or nightclub in East Asia. It is considered extremely rude to refer to a woman in charge of a respectable restaurant or inn as Mama-san. The proper title for her is Okami or Okami-san
[9] The scientific name for the plant species “Fennel.” The full scientific name for this species is Foeniculum Vulgare
[10] The furigana is スプラトウール (Supuratouru) and the kanji is 洛園 (Rakuen). The kanji can mean something along the lines of “Garden Capital,” and as for the furigana it can be translated literally as “Spratool.” Notice how this term in Japanese is eerily similar to the spelling of “Splatoon,” and it’s almost identical to the Japanese スプラトゥーン, this is not a coincidence. Reason why it’s not Splatool is because of the previous term Spritetoon, which is similar, and because the race is Fairy
[11] The furigana is カキン (Kakin) while the kanji is 支援 (Shien). In Japan, there is a system in place during live broadcasts or streams that allow the audience to donate “tips” to the streamer/broadcaster. I’m no expert on this however, but it could be based on UStream Japan’s Tip system(?), given this series takes place in 2012/2013. In simpler terms, it’s similar to that of Twitch’s donation system where both donations and bits can be given to the streamer while streaming
[12] The katakana for this was ス○チャ (Su*cha). For this I just went with SnapChat like Yen Press did (though if I followed JP spelling it would be abbreviated as SnaCha). However, this could also be translated as StarChat (StaCha), which was a niche website that hosted live chats with voice actors, race queens, etc. This site shut down in 2016
[13] The original Japanese includes the term “NG,” which is a Japanese abbreviation meaning “No Good” or “Not Good.” This term originates from GHQ occupied Japan after their defeat in WW2, and NG was used to describe media that was not appropriate, specifically dramas and films
[14] The original Japanese was ぷぎゃらっちょ, which means to laugh aloud hysterically. This term originated from 5chan boards and eventually made its way into “gal” lingo. YP chose “LMFAO,” which isn’t wrong I guess, just not something I would put in
[15] Original JP has Foeniculum say しゅわっち, which is essentially a pluralized “pop” onomatopoeia
