I don’t stop running until we get back home and I don’t set her down until we’re safely inside. And I don’t so much as set her down as I throw her haphazardly, not caring if she lands on a mat or not.
Lucky for her, she lands on soft furs. Kierra scrambles to the edge of the mat, tucking herself into the corner with her hands wrapped around herself. Her eyes are wary, verging on fear. Is she afraid of me? Good. If my face reflects even a fraction of the anger bubbling up inside me, she should have a good sense of how much I want to strangle her right now.
“What the hell were you doing?” I yell with enough strength that she flinches.
“I don't know.”
“You don't know? Okay. Let me tell you what I saw, cause that might just help you put some things together. Instead of shooting the thing we were there to kill, the reason you are trapped in this forest, when it was standing still, you walked out into the open, right towards it!”
She bows her head to look at the ground. That only makes me angrier. I grab her chin and yank up, forcing her to meet my eyes. “Do you have a death wish? You've spent so long in this damn tree, you can't even imagine living outside it, huh? Let's just get the troll to kill us, is that it?”
“No…I…”
She trails off, biting her lip and looking off to the side. She really can't look me in the eye. Maybe this is a situation where I should show some compassion but I can't. The heart I didn’t have still managed to stop when I saw the troll walking towards her and she seemed unable to do anything about it. That wasn't fear. Something else is happening with her and she's going to tell me because I cannot watch her get killed by one of those things. I won't.
I turn around and head for the door. Hearing it open causes her to look up and she jumps to her feet when she sees me in the doorway. “Lou!? Where are you going?”
“Where do you think? Home.”
“But-“
“But nothing! You want to stay here so, you know what? Fine. Stay here in this tree forever. Go get yourself killed by trolls if you want. See if I care.”
Her hands ball up at her sides. “It's not my fault! I can't control it!”
“Can't control what!?”
Her mouth opens but no words come out.
“Kierra, you need to be a truthful with me and you need to do it right now or I'm gone. Do you understand what I'm saying? No more wheedling it out of you. Talk. Now.”
She's struggling with herself again, her eyes frantic. But this time, she fails to hold it together. Her shoulders slump heavily and she sighs, moving backward to reclaim her spot on the furs.
I shut the door and come to stand in front of her, arms crossed. Not coddling her through it this time. I want answers.
“I wasn't…fully honest with you about what happened that night. Most of it happened the way I said. The trolls found our camp and the sentry meant to be on lookout fell asleep. When I woke up, the troll was right over me.”
She swallows thickly. “I had never seen one up close before. The only part I had ever been concerned with was the white of their eyes and only at the moment I needed to strike. But he was right there. Too close for me to run away. My weapons were in reach but it would take a miracle for me to hit him before he crushed my skull.
“I was trapped. That powerful physique hunched over me, I realized just how lucky I had been up until then. I was one of the greatest warriors in the village and here was something that could crush me with one hand if I wasn't careful. The trolls we fight are just stragglers. Their real home is far to the east, where thousands of them live in the mountains. I was imagining the sheer devastation an army like that would wreck on the forest and I was lying there afraid for my life and my nose was filled with that damned smell!”
Hmm? Her face is green, the same dark green it was when we were fighting that troll. Now that I'm not scared she's about to die, I realize that I've seen it like that before. When we were together. It's how she looks when she's flushed. No way. Don't tell me she's…turned on?
“I don't know what came over me but I became…he could smell me. Trolls don't care much about differences between species when they…smell a female in heat.”
No way. I am not hearing this. She does not mean what I think she means. There's just no way. “You…”
She looks up at me for a fraction of a second before turning away in shame, her head dipping in the slightest nod.
“You…were intimate…with a troll.”
Another nod.
“…willingly?”
A much slower nod this time.
“While your camp was being attacked?”
She flinches even though I hadn't meant it as an accusation. Still, she nods.
Wow. I mean, I knew she was holding something back but I wasn't expecting this. Really, anything but this. If I've got this right, she was getting down with a troll while her teammates were lying dead around her. That is just…I don't know what it is. I also don't know how I feel about this. These thoughts are provoking a weird bunch of emotions in me. “Is that why your mother trapped you here?”
“Stars above, no! If my mother knew what I had done, she would have killed me!”
“But how did you explain, uh, you know, to the reinforcements?”
“…reinforcements never came. After he finished with me, they disappeared. I washed in a river before running to another camp. I told them a different version of events. When they asked how I survived, I told them I hid under the body of a troll someone else had slain. It also explained the lingering smell. Some said it was cowardly but it was far better than them knowing what really happened and not exactly a death sentence. Hell, it was understandable. No one should have survived at all. My teacher and many others spoke openly about how miraculous it was I managed to get out alive.”
“If the warriors weren't mad at you and no one knows what happened, why are you in this tree?”
“You saw why!” She runs a hand through her hair angrily, her expression twisting into a scowl. “I can't kill them. Once those trolls are gone, it could be another fifty, a hundred years before some wander in again. Or those could be the last on the continent. If they die then I'll never be able to…I just couldn't do it. And that was unacceptable for a member of the esteemed Atainna family. My mother didn't even tell me what she was doing. She just had a servant lead me out here and then explain her wishes. Next thing I know, I can feel a massive spell being worked. Do you understand how extreme she is? The servant that escorted me in here was teleported out and such began my life-long sentence.”
Suddenly, she is on her feet and grabbing me by the shoulders. “You have to believe me, Lou, I tried. When I first found out, I immediately went to slay them. But I couldn't shoot. My hands started to shake when I remembered that night and then before I knew it, I had come out of hiding and was walking right up to him.”
Wait. Seriously woman? “You slept with one of them again!?”
“I can't help myself! It's…whenever I smell that scent, my mind goes blank and I can't think clearly. I'm not in control of myself until it's too late. I tried staying away! I thought if I just avoided them for long enough, the desire would go away. But it never did.
“And then you came along. For the first time in a long time, I was smiling and laughing. And when we're together, I don't think about them. I…I love you, Lou. I thought that it would be enough. I thought that if I had you with me, I could shoot. But I can't do it. I…want them. I want them so much. Please don't hate me, Lou. Please!”
She's crying. Even as she pulls me to her to bury her face in my neck, I can feel her tears on my skin. I don't know how I feel about this yet. This is a lot to process. The whole troll fetish thing is way out there but that's not what I'm stuck on. What I keep hearing in my head is that she just said she loves me.
Ah. My heart pounds harder just thinking about it. Never mind the fact that it's probably just because I showed up after she'd been alone in this tree for decades. Would she have looked at me twice if we met under different circumstances? Don't know and don't care. Right now, she loves me and is clinging to me desperately. That's all that matters.
And as soon as I think that, I come to a decision. That's all I care about. My hand goes into her hair, my nails digging into her scalp. “I don't hate you.”
She looks up at me, eyes big with disbelief mixed with hope. “You don't?”
“No. I uh, eh-hmm.” Ugh. This is a little nerve-wracking. “I love you, too.” I manage to force the confession through my tight throat.
“You do?”
I nod. The smile that spreads over her face is tremulous and her eyes water with fresh tears. “You mean it? Even though I…”
“Yes, even though you've got a thing for trolls. I've got a question about that. Those things are huge. I'm guessing their, uh, equipment matches their size?”
Green. Immediately green, all the way up to her ears…and she nods.
“Saints bless you. How did he not split you in two?”
“It fit. Somehow…” She shivers in my grip, her eyes looking unfocused. I guide her over to one of the furs. She refuses to let go of me so it takes a bit to get comfortable, both of us lying on our sides.
“Okay. I need you to help me understand this. No, I don’t think I will understand this but I’m going to try so you need to answer some questions for me.”
“You don’t mind.” She traces my lips with her finger and I frown at her.
“You’re not going to distract me.”
“I’m not trying to.” She brings her finger down and watches me with cautious eyes. “I will answer your questions but I don’t know if they will help you understand. I don’t understand it myself.”
“That’s fair.” I pause for a moment as I think about what I want to ask. There are dozens of questions bouncing around my head but some of them are curiosities that can wait. “How many?”
“…do you mean individuals or instances?”
This elf. “Both.”
“As for individuals, I have been with each of the five at some point. Instances…I stopped counting after a while.”
“You stopped, you made it sound like you only went to them once!”
Kierra scowls but I feel the expression is directed more to herself than me. “Lou, I want you to imagine you are starving. In the next room over is a huge buffet table filled with all your favorite foods. Could you go years, let alone a single day, without taking so much as a single bite? And once you take a bite, could you keep from devouring what’s in front of you until you’re full?”
“I bet you were full.”
Heh. Her scowl is broken by a stricken expression. She goes to look away but I stop her with a hand on her cheek and smile, showing her that I really don’t mind. I’m sure if her mother or the other warriors found out about her tastes, there’d be hell to pay, but I don’t care at all.
Seeing the lack of judgment in my face, she relaxes and I nod. “How long have you gone before…getting a fix?”
She chews her lower lip. “Going on eight years when I met you.”
“And the shortest?”
“…two days. And that was only because I was too sore to go back before.”
“I’m guessing that was at the very beginning of your imprisonment?”
“Yes.”
I get it. When she first got trapped in this forest, she must have been desperate to get out. Then she probably thought it was a blessing. Here she was in a private bubble with the object of her desire. No one there to judge her and nothing to do but enjoy herself. I bet she reveled in it.
But as the years dragged on and the lack of contact pressed on her consciousness, she probably became desperate to leave again. But by then, she would have been enslaved to her lusts. It must have taken incredible willpower to hold herself back for eight years. No wonder she was desperate for company when she came upon me. Hehe. I am still very okay with this. My luck has turned around.
However, I have to admit that I am a bit jealous. For her to be attracted to something so much that she loses all reason just by smelling them, so much that she forgets all about me who was admittedly not in very much danger but still right in front of her, even when she claims she loves me.
Yeah, that ticks me off. But there’s nothing to worry about. From the moment I heard her confession, an idea popped into mind. A very obvious idea that is entirely foolproof and will satisfy everyone involved in this whole mess. I’m giddy just thinking about it. I just need a little more information to pull it off. “What exactly do you like about them?”
“I guess it is…the power. And the physicality. This forest may seem beautiful but it is a very cutthroat place. Nature herself is a kind but severe mistress. The forest surrounding my home is even worse. Simply stepping outside the village could mean getting poisoned by a copperhead or pulled into the petals of flesh-eating plants. We are taught to be strong from the moment we are born and so admire strength. Trolls are powerful. I have seen one keep fighting after being blinded in both eyes and gutted open. Of course I would admire such tenacity.”
I think back to our training, how she seemed to enjoy pinning me to the ground. Was that a reflection of what she wants? Is it both? Something to think about. “What else?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know. It’s just…something about their manner.”
Hmm. From the thoughtful look on her face, I’d wager she’s telling the truth. That’s not much to go on but I have an idea that will allow me to figure it out for myself. Cupping her face in my hands, I make her look up into my eyes. “Kierra, I need you to listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. I love you and I won’t abandon you here like your mother did. Do you believe me?”
She nods. “Lou…”
The whisper is laced with a silent question and I answer it with a soft kiss. It’s more for comfort than for pleasure and she understands, sighing against my lips instead of escalating it the way she usually does. We stay like that for hours, simply enjoying being close to one another while trading chaste kisses, whispering confessions of love in the dark. Eventually, her eyelids begin to droop. I urge her to close them and she falls asleep. When I am sure she is deep within the realm of dreams, I slip from the mat and leave the tree silently.
Time to get to work.
I don’t stop running until we get back home and I don’t set her down until we’re safely inside. And I don’t so much as set her down as I throw her haphazardly, not caring if she lands on a mat or not.
Lucky for her, she lands on soft furs. Kierra scrambles to the edge of the mat, tucking herself into the corner with her hands wrapped around herself. Her eyes are wary, verging on fear. Is she afraid of me? Good. If my face reflects even a fraction of the anger bubbling up inside me, she should have a good sense of how much I want to strangle her right now.
“What the hell were you doing?” I yell with enough strength that she flinches.
“I don't know.”
“You don't know? Okay. Let me tell you what I saw, cause that might just help you put some things together. Instead of shooting the thing we were there to kill, the reason you are trapped in this forest, when it was standing still, you walked out into the open, right towards it!”
She bows her head to look at the ground. That only makes me angrier. I grab her chin and yank up, forcing her to meet my eyes. “Do you have a death wish? You've spent so long in this damn tree, you can't even imagine living outside it, huh? Let's just get the troll to kill us, is that it?”
“No…I…”
She trails off, biting her lip and looking off to the side. She really can't look me in the eye. Maybe this is a situation where I should show some compassion but I can't. The heart I didn’t have still managed to stop when I saw the troll walking towards her and she seemed unable to do anything about it. That wasn't fear. Something else is happening with her and she's going to tell me because I cannot watch her get killed by one of those things. I won't.
I turn around and head for the door. Hearing it open causes her to look up and she jumps to her feet when she sees me in the doorway. “Lou!? Where are you going?”
“Where do you think? Home.”
“But-“
“But nothing! You want to stay here so, you know what? Fine. Stay here in this tree forever. Go get yourself killed by trolls if you want. See if I care.”
Her hands ball up at her sides. “It's not my fault! I can't control it!”
“Can't control what!?”
Her mouth opens but no words come out.
“Kierra, you need to be a truthful with me and you need to do it right now or I'm gone. Do you understand what I'm saying? No more wheedling it out of you. Talk. Now.”
She's struggling with herself again, her eyes frantic. But this time, she fails to hold it together. Her shoulders slump heavily and she sighs, moving backward to reclaim her spot on the furs.
I shut the door and come to stand in front of her, arms crossed. Not coddling her through it this time. I want answers.
“I wasn't…fully honest with you about what happened that night. Most of it happened the way I said. The trolls found our camp and the sentry meant to be on lookout fell asleep. When I woke up, the troll was right over me.”
She swallows thickly. “I had never seen one up close before. The only part I had ever been concerned with was the white of their eyes and only at the moment I needed to strike. But he was right there. Too close for me to run away. My weapons were in reach but it would take a miracle for me to hit him before he crushed my skull.
“I was trapped. That powerful physique hunched over me, I realized just how lucky I had been up until then. I was one of the greatest warriors in the village and here was something that could crush me with one hand if I wasn't careful. The trolls we fight are just stragglers. Their real home is far to the east, where thousands of them live in the mountains. I was imagining the sheer devastation an army like that would wreck on the forest and I was lying there afraid for my life and my nose was filled with that damned smell!”
Hmm? Her face is green, the same dark green it was when we were fighting that troll. Now that I'm not scared she's about to die, I realize that I've seen it like that before. When we were together. It's how she looks when she's flushed. No way. Don't tell me she's…turned on?
“I don't know what came over me but I became…he could smell me. Trolls don't care much about differences between species when they…smell a female in heat.”
No way. I am not hearing this. She does not mean what I think she means. There's just no way. “You…”
She looks up at me for a fraction of a second before turning away in shame, her head dipping in the slightest nod.
“You…were intimate…with a troll.”
Another nod.
“…willingly?”
A much slower nod this time.
“While your camp was being attacked?”
She flinches even though I hadn't meant it as an accusation. Still, she nods.
Wow. I mean, I knew she was holding something back but I wasn't expecting this. Really, anything but this. If I've got this right, she was getting down with a troll while her teammates were lying dead around her. That is just…I don't know what it is. I also don't know how I feel about this. These thoughts are provoking a weird bunch of emotions in me. “Is that why your mother trapped you here?”
“Stars above, no! If my mother knew what I had done, she would have killed me!”
“But how did you explain, uh, you know, to the reinforcements?”
“…reinforcements never came. After he finished with me, they disappeared. I washed in a river before running to another camp. I told them a different version of events. When they asked how I survived, I told them I hid under the body of a troll someone else had slain. It also explained the lingering smell. Some said it was cowardly but it was far better than them knowing what really happened and not exactly a death sentence. Hell, it was understandable. No one should have survived at all. My teacher and many others spoke openly about how miraculous it was I managed to get out alive.”
“If the warriors weren't mad at you and no one knows what happened, why are you in this tree?”
“You saw why!” She runs a hand through her hair angrily, her expression twisting into a scowl. “I can't kill them. Once those trolls are gone, it could be another fifty, a hundred years before some wander in again. Or those could be the last on the continent. If they die then I'll never be able to…I just couldn't do it. And that was unacceptable for a member of the esteemed Atainna family. My mother didn't even tell me what she was doing. She just had a servant lead me out here and then explain her wishes. Next thing I know, I can feel a massive spell being worked. Do you understand how extreme she is? The servant that escorted me in here was teleported out and such began my life-long sentence.”
Suddenly, she is on her feet and grabbing me by the shoulders. “You have to believe me, Lou, I tried. When I first found out, I immediately went to slay them. But I couldn't shoot. My hands started to shake when I remembered that night and then before I knew it, I had come out of hiding and was walking right up to him.”
Wait. Seriously woman? “You slept with one of them again!?”
“I can't help myself! It's…whenever I smell that scent, my mind goes blank and I can't think clearly. I'm not in control of myself until it's too late. I tried staying away! I thought if I just avoided them for long enough, the desire would go away. But it never did.
“And then you came along. For the first time in a long time, I was smiling and laughing. And when we're together, I don't think about them. I…I love you, Lou. I thought that it would be enough. I thought that if I had you with me, I could shoot. But I can't do it. I…want them. I want them so much. Please don't hate me, Lou. Please!”
She's crying. Even as she pulls me to her to bury her face in my neck, I can feel her tears on my skin. I don't know how I feel about this yet. This is a lot to process. The whole troll fetish thing is way out there but that's not what I'm stuck on. What I keep hearing in my head is that she just said she loves me.
Ah. My heart pounds harder just thinking about it. Never mind the fact that it's probably just because I showed up after she'd been alone in this tree for decades. Would she have looked at me twice if we met under different circumstances? Don't know and don't care. Right now, she loves me and is clinging to me desperately. That's all that matters.
And as soon as I think that, I come to a decision. That's all I care about. My hand goes into her hair, my nails digging into her scalp. “I don't hate you.”
She looks up at me, eyes big with disbelief mixed with hope. “You don't?”
“No. I uh, eh-hmm.” Ugh. This is a little nerve-wracking. “I love you, too.” I manage to force the confession through my tight throat.
“You do?”
I nod. The smile that spreads over her face is tremulous and her eyes water with fresh tears. “You mean it? Even though I…”
“Yes, even though you've got a thing for trolls. I've got a question about that. Those things are huge. I'm guessing their, uh, equipment matches their size?”
Green. Immediately green, all the way up to her ears…and she nods.
“Saints bless you. How did he not split you in two?”
“It fit. Somehow…” She shivers in my grip, her eyes looking unfocused. I guide her over to one of the furs. She refuses to let go of me so it takes a bit to get comfortable, both of us lying on our sides.
“Okay. I need you to help me understand this. No, I don’t think I will understand this but I’m going to try so you need to answer some questions for me.”
“You don’t mind.” She traces my lips with her finger and I frown at her.
“You’re not going to distract me.”
“I’m not trying to.” She brings her finger down and watches me with cautious eyes. “I will answer your questions but I don’t know if they will help you understand. I don’t understand it myself.”
“That’s fair.” I pause for a moment as I think about what I want to ask. There are dozens of questions bouncing around my head but some of them are curiosities that can wait. “How many?”
“…do you mean individuals or instances?”
This elf. “Both.”
“As for individuals, I have been with each of the five at some point. Instances…I stopped counting after a while.”
“You stopped, you made it sound like you only went to them once!”
Kierra scowls but I feel the expression is directed more to herself than me. “Lou, I want you to imagine you are starving. In the next room over is a huge buffet table filled with all your favorite foods. Could you go years, let alone a single day, without taking so much as a single bite? And once you take a bite, could you keep from devouring what’s in front of you until you’re full?”
“I bet you were full.”
Heh. Her scowl is broken by a stricken expression. She goes to look away but I stop her with a hand on her cheek and smile, showing her that I really don’t mind. I’m sure if her mother or the other warriors found out about her tastes, there’d be hell to pay, but I don’t care at all.
Seeing the lack of judgment in my face, she relaxes and I nod. “How long have you gone before…getting a fix?”
She chews her lower lip. “Going on eight years when I met you.”
“And the shortest?”
“…two days. And that was only because I was too sore to go back before.”
“I’m guessing that was at the very beginning of your imprisonment?”
“Yes.”
I get it. When she first got trapped in this forest, she must have been desperate to get out. Then she probably thought it was a blessing. Here she was in a private bubble with the object of her desire. No one there to judge her and nothing to do but enjoy herself. I bet she reveled in it.
But as the years dragged on and the lack of contact pressed on her consciousness, she probably became desperate to leave again. But by then, she would have been enslaved to her lusts. It must have taken incredible willpower to hold herself back for eight years. No wonder she was desperate for company when she came upon me. Hehe. I am still very okay with this. My luck has turned around.
However, I have to admit that I am a bit jealous. For her to be attracted to something so much that she loses all reason just by smelling them, so much that she forgets all about me who was admittedly not in very much danger but still right in front of her, even when she claims she loves me.
Yeah, that ticks me off. But there’s nothing to worry about. From the moment I heard her confession, an idea popped into mind. A very obvious idea that is entirely foolproof and will satisfy everyone involved in this whole mess. I’m giddy just thinking about it. I just need a little more information to pull it off. “What exactly do you like about them?”
“I guess it is…the power. And the physicality. This forest may seem beautiful but it is a very cutthroat place. Nature herself is a kind but severe mistress. The forest surrounding my home is even worse. Simply stepping outside the village could mean getting poisoned by a copperhead or pulled into the petals of flesh-eating plants. We are taught to be strong from the moment we are born and so admire strength. Trolls are powerful. I have seen one keep fighting after being blinded in both eyes and gutted open. Of course I would admire such tenacity.”
I think back to our training, how she seemed to enjoy pinning me to the ground. Was that a reflection of what she wants? Is it both? Something to think about. “What else?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know. It’s just…something about their manner.”
Hmm. From the thoughtful look on her face, I’d wager she’s telling the truth. That’s not much to go on but I have an idea that will allow me to figure it out for myself. Cupping her face in my hands, I make her look up into my eyes. “Kierra, I need you to listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. I love you and I won’t abandon you here like your mother did. Do you believe me?”
She nods. “Lou…”
The whisper is laced with a silent question and I answer it with a soft kiss. It’s more for comfort than for pleasure and she understands, sighing against my lips instead of escalating it the way she usually does. We stay like that for hours, simply enjoying being close to one another while trading chaste kisses, whispering confessions of love in the dark. Eventually, her eyelids begin to droop. I urge her to close them and she falls asleep. When I am sure she is deep within the realm of dreams, I slip from the mat and leave the tree silently.
Time to get to work.
