Chapter 56
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Looking at the fief lord’s sobbing face caused a subtle but strange stir within her. It wasn’t a newfound surge of affection. Rather, it was a hint of unpleasantness and a dash of joy at seeing another person at their worst. And there was also a sigh of relief, as though saying, ah, you also can’t do anything.
Carynne felt a little reassured about the fact that his supposition that love was the condition, that love was the answer, that absolute belief was the answer, was ultimately wrong just as she thought. Even so, there was a faint bitter taste lingering in her mouth that couldn’t be removed by that reassurance.
“What are you crying about? Smile, Father.”
Carynne smiled instead of him. Are you sad? Are you frustrated with yourself? But you have to smile. I’m smiling, too, see. And then you’ll have to smile in front of my predecessor who already went ahead to the next frontier. This is the extent of love’s answer, just as Mother said.
“Father, you don’t believe Mother. You just used Mother as an excuse. If you really believed her, you wouldn’t have hesitated. You know, seriously, if you believed even a word of it, then why have you not died? There’s no reason for you not to die, right? Isn’t this world without your love all black and white already? Isn’t it all meaningless?”
Right? Isn’t that how love is supposed to be? If not, then it’s just so unfair.
“At the very least, if I, if Mother, if even many more women out there are meant to feel love to the extent of dying for it, then shouldn’t it be reciprocated by that much? Shouldn’t you love her that much, too?”
“…Catherine… I…”
He could no longer say the words ‘I love you’.
“That’s what I thought.”
Carynne touched his hand lightly and closed her eyes.
“You said it’s unconditional, that kind of emotion. Mmh. Alright. I’ll tell you what I think. Father, Father, listen to me.”
She twirled around in a dance and gently pointed at the portrait.
“First of all, I would like to express my thanks to both Father and Mother for giving me hope. Thank you. Mother also went through this strange phenomenon of dying and coming back to life in the same novel, but she solved it in the end. I’ve been given hope. Wonderful. How promising.”
Then, she continued.
“It seems like I don’t need any love.”
Even with a frowning face, it’s possible to smile.
The fief lord still had that noose around his neck. He continued to clutch onto the rope with trembling hands. Carynne sighed and then told him.
“If you can’t even kill yourself, just come down from there. Your neck must hurt.”
“N…No, no. I believe.”
The fief lord answered urgently. However, in the end, he still couldn’t kick the chair from under him. Carynne just frowned and sighed, then she went on.
“It’s too late.”
“It’s not… not, too late.”
“It is. The very moment you hesitated, it’s already too late for you, Father.”
If you want to die so badly, then I’ll help you.
Carynne gritted her teeth, then answered.
“Even if you hang yourself now in a hurry, that doesn’t absolve your hesitation. You’ve given your answer. At the very least, that’s your love, sure. It’s not so grandiose.”
Carynne walked over to the trembling fief lord’s side and patted him as though to comfort him. She wanted to give him a pat on the shoulder, but he was too high up, so she patted his leg instead. The fief lord reacted by clutching the rope even tighter, but despite his renewed attempt, he still couldn’t hang himself.
“Father.”
“……”
“If you really did hang yourself here, what did you think I’ll do after?”
She waited for him to answer only for a quick moment as she answered her own question immediately.
“The first thing I’ll have done was to look for the drugs.”
“……”
“Then I also thought that I should learn about hypnosis from Nancy later.”
There was no answer.
Carynne didn’t care about it anyhow.
“If a measure of emotion is the answer, then I wonder just how much there should be. Shouldn’t my male lead die just as many times as I have? Or at least maybe someone who’d gladly kill himself. That way, at least…”
Carynne blew at the candle on the fief lord’s desk.
And the flame went out.
“At least it would be the same worth.”
She took the silver candelabra. It was heavy and sharp. She read about a similar scenario in a novel that she had read before. No, has she read it yet? Carynne tilted her head to the side and grappled with her memories, but she remained confused. Ah, well, whatever. Strike. Or stab. Whichever it was, as long as this much would let her kill another.
“If rolling around in bed can be called physical love, and if saints can provide aid to the needy with their mercy and kindness and call that love as well, what kind of worth does a married couple’s love have? I’ve never experienced being married that long, so I’m curious. Fufu, if you had killed yourself, Father, then this was what I’d have done— applaud your true love, drug my male lead, brainwash him and make him look only at me. And while I speak only the truth and nothing but the truth, I’ll make it so that my words are considered as God’s revelation. Just like you, Father, as you became complicit in murder just because you heeded Mother’s words, if Raymond will believe me and start a rebellion for me, then that just might be fun, too. If something like that happens, then I think I’ll be alright in this life. After all, I’ve decided to kill for my own pleasure.”
His face had already turned gray.
“Father, you don’t want to die, right?”
“I… don’t.”
The fief lord looked as though he couldn’t bear just how much he despised himself. Looking up at the fief lord’s face, Carynne suggested something.
“Let me help you.”
And with that, her words sounded like salvation to him. Even when the fief lord couldn’t take his own life, he didn’t want to reject the hand outstretched to him—the hand of Carynne, who had the same face as Catherine.
Humans were complex, just as they were unfathomable.
Finding it funny how his face now showed a bit of satisfaction, Carynne laughed at the fief lord. He didn’t have the courage to kill himself in the end, but he had enough gall to make his daughter commit patricide.
“But before that, there are some other things I’m curious about. Before you and Mother started seeing each other, did you ever meet the other men who were courting Mother? Or by chance, has she left something like a peculiar memento?”
“I…”
Clatter!
At that moment, the fief lord’s eyes bugged out. His legs were shaking. His face was distorted. His groans rang out in the room, but that sound, too, did not last long. Tom was faster than Carynne. It’s certain that he had just been biding his time until he could rush in. The moment Carynne raised the silver candelabra and turned to face him, the boy ran away.
“K…eugh…”
Tom had been standing by the door, but he ran forward quickly and pulled the fief lord’s leg. Even when he was being kicked, Tom used his entire body to hang on and pull down. The platform where the fief lord had been standing was pushed out, and in the struggle, the noose properly caught his throat and strangled him completely. It’s faster than you’d think—to run out of breath.
Then, he stopped moving.
He’s dead.
But more importantly.
“…Why?”
Carynne was entirely disconcerted. Why? Just why the hell? So flustered now, why the hell are you here?
“What just happened?”
The act of murder had been done in a blink of an eye that she couldn’t believe it happened.
At that very moment, Carynne really couldn’t think of anything at all.
For something that never once happened before, for something that she couldn’t have foreseen, it was too big of a shock that she couldn’t properly feel entertained.
“What just happened.”
Carynne belatedly picked up the silver candelabra, but her father was already dead. Stabbing him here would be nothing but an act of scratching on a lump of meat. Carynne blinked. What was it that she felt. Emptiness? Anger? She didn’t know.
She ruminated.
“Tom!”
Yet she couldn’t figure it out.
Why did it turn out like this?
It happened in an instant.
Tom killed the fief lord.
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Looking at the fief lord’s sobbing face caused a subtle but strange stir within her. It wasn’t a newfound surge of affection. Rather, it was a hint of unpleasantness and a dash of joy at seeing another person at their worst. And there was also a sigh of relief, as though saying, ah, you also can’t do anything.
Carynne felt a little reassured about the fact that his supposition that love was the condition, that love was the answer, that absolute belief was the answer, was ultimately wrong just as she thought. Even so, there was a faint bitter taste lingering in her mouth that couldn’t be removed by that reassurance.
“What are you crying about? Smile, Father.”
Carynne smiled instead of him. Are you sad? Are you frustrated with yourself? But you have to smile. I’m smiling, too, see. And then you’ll have to smile in front of my predecessor who already went ahead to the next frontier. This is the extent of love’s answer, just as Mother said.
“Father, you don’t believe Mother. You just used Mother as an excuse. If you really believed her, you wouldn’t have hesitated. You know, seriously, if you believed even a word of it, then why have you not died? There’s no reason for you not to die, right? Isn’t this world without your love all black and white already? Isn’t it all meaningless?”
Right? Isn’t that how love is supposed to be? If not, then it’s just so unfair.
“At the very least, if I, if Mother, if even many more women out there are meant to feel love to the extent of dying for it, then shouldn’t it be reciprocated by that much? Shouldn’t you love her that much, too?”
“…Catherine… I…”
He could no longer say the words ‘I love you’.
“That’s what I thought.”
Carynne touched his hand lightly and closed her eyes.
“You said it’s unconditional, that kind of emotion. Mmh. Alright. I’ll tell you what I think. Father, Father, listen to me.”
She twirled around in a dance and gently pointed at the portrait.
“First of all, I would like to express my thanks to both Father and Mother for giving me hope. Thank you. Mother also went through this strange phenomenon of dying and coming back to life in the same novel, but she solved it in the end. I’ve been given hope. Wonderful. How promising.”
Then, she continued.
“It seems like I don’t need any love.”
Even with a frowning face, it’s possible to smile.
The fief lord still had that noose around his neck. He continued to clutch onto the rope with trembling hands. Carynne sighed and then told him.
“If you can’t even kill yourself, just come down from there. Your neck must hurt.”
“N…No, no. I believe.”
The fief lord answered urgently. However, in the end, he still couldn’t kick the chair from under him. Carynne just frowned and sighed, then she went on.
“It’s too late.”
“It’s not… not, too late.”
“It is. The very moment you hesitated, it’s already too late for you, Father.”
If you want to die so badly, then I’ll help you.
Carynne gritted her teeth, then answered.
“Even if you hang yourself now in a hurry, that doesn’t absolve your hesitation. You’ve given your answer. At the very least, that’s your love, sure. It’s not so grandiose.”
Carynne walked over to the trembling fief lord’s side and patted him as though to comfort him. She wanted to give him a pat on the shoulder, but he was too high up, so she patted his leg instead. The fief lord reacted by clutching the rope even tighter, but despite his renewed attempt, he still couldn’t hang himself.
“Father.”
“……”
“If you really did hang yourself here, what did you think I’ll do after?”
She waited for him to answer only for a quick moment as she answered her own question immediately.
“The first thing I’ll have done was to look for the drugs.”
“……”
“Then I also thought that I should learn about hypnosis from Nancy later.”
There was no answer.
Carynne didn’t care about it anyhow.
“If a measure of emotion is the answer, then I wonder just how much there should be. Shouldn’t my male lead die just as many times as I have? Or at least maybe someone who’d gladly kill himself. That way, at least…”
Carynne blew at the candle on the fief lord’s desk.
And the flame went out.
“At least it would be the same worth.”
She took the silver candelabra. It was heavy and sharp. She read about a similar scenario in a novel that she had read before. No, has she read it yet? Carynne tilted her head to the side and grappled with her memories, but she remained confused. Ah, well, whatever. Strike. Or stab. Whichever it was, as long as this much would let her kill another.
“If rolling around in bed can be called physical love, and if saints can provide aid to the needy with their mercy and kindness and call that love as well, what kind of worth does a married couple’s love have? I’ve never experienced being married that long, so I’m curious. Fufu, if you had killed yourself, Father, then this was what I’d have done— applaud your true love, drug my male lead, brainwash him and make him look only at me. And while I speak only the truth and nothing but the truth, I’ll make it so that my words are considered as God’s revelation. Just like you, Father, as you became complicit in murder just because you heeded Mother’s words, if Raymond will believe me and start a rebellion for me, then that just might be fun, too. If something like that happens, then I think I’ll be alright in this life. After all, I’ve decided to kill for my own pleasure.”
His face had already turned gray.
“Father, you don’t want to die, right?”
“I… don’t.”
The fief lord looked as though he couldn’t bear just how much he despised himself. Looking up at the fief lord’s face, Carynne suggested something.
“Let me help you.”
And with that, her words sounded like salvation to him. Even when the fief lord couldn’t take his own life, he didn’t want to reject the hand outstretched to him—the hand of Carynne, who had the same face as Catherine.
Humans were complex, just as they were unfathomable.
Finding it funny how his face now showed a bit of satisfaction, Carynne laughed at the fief lord. He didn’t have the courage to kill himself in the end, but he had enough gall to make his daughter commit patricide.
“But before that, there are some other things I’m curious about. Before you and Mother started seeing each other, did you ever meet the other men who were courting Mother? Or by chance, has she left something like a peculiar memento?”
“I…”
Clatter!
At that moment, the fief lord’s eyes bugged out. His legs were shaking. His face was distorted. His groans rang out in the room, but that sound, too, did not last long. Tom was faster than Carynne. It’s certain that he had just been biding his time until he could rush in. The moment Carynne raised the silver candelabra and turned to face him, the boy ran away.
“K…eugh…”
Tom had been standing by the door, but he ran forward quickly and pulled the fief lord’s leg. Even when he was being kicked, Tom used his entire body to hang on and pull down. The platform where the fief lord had been standing was pushed out, and in the struggle, the noose properly caught his throat and strangled him completely. It’s faster than you’d think—to run out of breath.
Then, he stopped moving.
He’s dead.
But more importantly.
“…Why?”
Carynne was entirely disconcerted. Why? Just why the hell? So flustered now, why the hell are you here?
“What just happened?”
The act of murder had been done in a blink of an eye that she couldn’t believe it happened.
At that very moment, Carynne really couldn’t think of anything at all.
For something that never once happened before, for something that she couldn’t have foreseen, it was too big of a shock that she couldn’t properly feel entertained.
“What just happened.”
Carynne belatedly picked up the silver candelabra, but her father was already dead. Stabbing him here would be nothing but an act of scratching on a lump of meat. Carynne blinked. What was it that she felt. Emptiness? Anger? She didn’t know.
She ruminated.
“Tom!”
Yet she couldn’t figure it out.
Why did it turn out like this?
It happened in an instant.
Tom killed the fief lord.
Looking at the fief lord's sobbing face caused a subtle but strange stir within her. It wasn't a newfound surge of affection. Rather, it was a hint of unpleasantness and a dash of joy at seeing another person at their worst. And there was also a sigh of relief, as though saying, ah, you also can't do anything.Carynne felt a little reassured about the fact that his supposition that love was the condition, that love was the answer, that absolute belief was the answer, was ultimately wrong just as she thought. Even so, there was a faint bitter taste lingering in her mouth that couldn't be removed by that reassurance.What are you crying about? Smile, Father.Carynne smiled instead of him. Are you sad? Are you frustrated with yourself? But you have to smile. I'm smiling, too, see. And then you'll have to smile in front of my predecessor who already went ahead to the next frontier. This is the extent of love's answer, just as Mother said.Father, you don't believe Mother. You just used Mother as an excuse. If you really believed her, you wouldn't have hesitated. You know, seriously, if you believed even a word of it, then why have you not died? There's no reason for younotto die, right? Isn't this world without your love all black and white already? Isn't it all meaningless?Right? Isn't that how love is supposed to be? If not, then it's just so unfair.At the very least, if I, if Mother, if even many more women out there are meant to feel love to the extent of dying for it, then shouldn't it be reciprocated by that much? Shouldn't you love her that much, too?Catherine IHe could no longer say the words I love you'.That's what I thought.Carynne touched his hand lightly and closed her eyes.You said it's unconditional, that kind of emotion. Mmh. Alright. I'll tell you what I think. Father, Father, listen to me.She twirled around in a dance and gently pointed at the portrait.First of all, I would like to express my thanks to both Father and Mother for giving me hope. Thank you. Mother also went through this strange phenomenon of dying and coming back to life in the same novel, but she solved it in the end. I've been given hope. Wonderful. How promising.Then, she continued.It seems like I don't need any love.Even with a frowning face, it's possible to smile.The fief lord still had that noose around his neck. He continued to clutch onto the rope with trembling hands. Carynne sighed and then told him.If you can't even kill yourself, just come down from there. Your neck must hurt.NNo, no. I believe.The fief lord answered urgently. However, in the end, he still couldn't kick the chair from under him. Carynne just frowned and sighed, then she went on.It's too late.It's not not, too late.It is. The very moment you hesitated, it's already too late for you, Father.If you want to die so badly, then I'll help you.Carynne gritted her teeth, then answered.Even if you hang yourself now in a hurry, that doesn't absolve your hesitation. You've given your answer. At the very least, that's your love, sure. It's not so grandiose.Carynne walked over to the trembling fief lord's side and patted him as though to comfort him. She wanted to give him a pat on the shoulder, but he was too high up, so she patted his leg instead. The fief lord reacted by clutching the rope even tighter, but despite his renewed attempt, he still couldn't hang himself.Father.If you really did hang yourself here, what did you think I'll do after?She waited for him to answer only for a quick moment as she answered her own question immediately.The first thing I'll have done was to look for the drugs.Then I also thought that I should learn about hypnosis from Nancy later.There was no answer.Carynne didn't care about it anyhow.If a measure of emotion is the answer, then I wonder just how much there should be. Shouldn't my male lead die just as many times as I have? Or at least maybe someone who'd gladly kill himself. That way, at leastCarynne blew at the candle on the fief lord's desk.And the flame went out.At least it would be the same worth.She took the silver candelabra. It was heavy and sharp. She read about a similar scenario in a novel that she had read before. No, has she read it yet? Carynne tilted her head to the side and grappled with her memories, but she remained confused. Ah, well, whatever. Strike. Or stab. Whichever it was, as long as this much would let her kill another.If rolling around in bed can be called physical love, and if saints can provide aid to the needy with their mercy and kindness and call that love as well, what kind of worth does a married couple's love have? I've never experienced being married that long, so I'm curious. Fufu, if you had killed yourself, Father, then this was what I'd have done applaud your true love, drug my male lead, brainwash him and make him look only at me. And while I speak only the truth and nothing but the truth, I'll make it so that my words are considered as God's revelation. Just like you, Father, as you became complicit in murder just because you heeded Mother's words, if Raymond will believe me and start a rebellion for me, then that just might be fun, too. If something like that happens, then I think I'll be alright in this life. After all, I've decided to kill for my own pleasure.His face had already turned gray.Father, you don't want to die, right?I don't.The fief lord looked as though he couldn't bear just how much he despised himself. Looking up at the fief lord's face, Carynne suggested something.Let me help you.And with that, her words sounded like salvation to him. Even when the fief lord couldn't take his own life, he didn't want to reject the hand outstretched to himthe hand of Carynne, who had the same face as Catherine.Humans were complex, just as they were unfathomable.Finding it funny how his face now showed a bit of satisfaction, Carynne laughed at the fief lord. He didn't have the courage to kill himself in the end, but he had enough gall to make his daughter commit patricide.But before that, there are some other things I'm curious about. Before you and Mother started seeing each other, did you ever meet the other men who were courting Mother? Or by chance, has she left something like a peculiar memento?IClatter!At that moment, the fief lord's eyes bugged out. His legs were shaking. His face was distorted. His groans rang out in the room, but that sound, too, did not last long. Tom was faster than Carynne. It's certain that he had just been biding his time until he could rush in. The moment Carynne raised the silver candelabra and turned to face him, the boy ran away.KeughTom had been standing by the door, but he ran forward quickly and pulled the fief lord's leg. Even when he was being kicked, Tom used his entire body to hang on and pull down. The platform where the fief lord had been standing was pushed out, and in the struggle, the noose properly caught his throat and strangled him completely. It's faster than you'd thinkto run out of breath.Then, he stopped moving.He's dead.But more importantly.Why?Carynne was entirely disconcerted. Why? Just why the hell? So flustered now, why the hell are you here?What just happened?The act of murder had been done in a blink of an eye that she couldn't believe it happened.At that very moment, Carynne really couldn't think of anything at all.For something that never once happened before, for something that she couldn't have foreseen, it was too big of a shock that she couldn't properly feel entertained.What just happened.Carynne belatedly picked up the silver candelabra, but her father was already dead. Stabbing him here would be nothing but an act of scratching on a lump of meat. Carynne blinked. What was it that she felt. Emptiness? Anger? She didn't know.She ruminated.Tom!Yet she couldn't figure it out.Why did it turn out like this?It happened in an instant.Tom killed the fief lord.
