Chapter 266: losure
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I don't know how long I was kneeling after her question which I didn't answer but when the sniffing sounds from Miyako stopped, I felt her hands drop on my shoulders as she tried to pull me up.
"Ruki… Even if you kneel forever in front of me, I will not forgive you… That's why stop this useless act."
Her voice was still a bit broken from how she cried. It even sounded like she's choking on her own words. Even so… the meaning behind her words was properly delivered.
She's right. No matter how many times or how long I kneel in front of her, it will not erase any of the things I did to her.
Even if I said I'm not looking for her forgiveness, perhaps deep inside me, I also wanted to hear those words from her which led me to do this. Though I was asking her to spare the other girls from her hatred on me, I might also have that intention.
I was actually using them to evoke some kind of compassion from this girl.
Haa. I'm really this selfish.
"You're right… There's no point in doing this. But I'm sincere in asking you to spare them from your hatred towards me. They're all important to me, you see."
I lifted my body but I stayed in a kneeling position. I looked up to meet Miyako's gaze whose eyes were already puffed up from all the tears which ran from it.
"I'm still the same selfish and greedy guy. So even if I'm willing to be put through to whatever you can think to satisfy your hatred towards me, I will not allow anything to happen to them."
It's contradictory, right? I'm trying to appease Miyako's hatred but at the same time, I'm threatening her to not touch any of my girls. Even so… this is how I really am. Nothing much really changed to me except from accepting the reason why I stole all of them from their partners.
Refraining from doing more despicable methods is also just me refraining. It doesn't mean that I will not be able to do all those again. If need be, I will be as despicable as I can get to achieve my goal of not letting any of the girls be implicated when things go awry.
Although that may result in me losing hold of them again, as long as it will be their own choice, I will not say anything.
"I'm sure that you heard from them why I appeared here. They're the only reason why I am here, you coming here to meet me is your own choice. Though it's true that I wanted to make amends to what I did to all of you, I left it to chance if one day I run into any of you again."
I did think of the possibility of meeting them but Miyako, she charged in here after knowing it's me.
"I know that the girls who didn't chase after me harbored hatred or just wanted to go back to their normal lives. That's why as much as possible I also don't want to remind them of those days by seeking them out to ask forgiveness which isn't really that sincere coming from me."
Uncomfortable with how I gaze at her, Miyako turned around and took a few steps away from me and when she stopped, her voice once again filled this room.
"… That's the Ruki I remembered. Not the one kneeling in front of someone else."
Even from behind her, I saw how she lifted her hand and brought it to her face to wipe off the tears which started to form before she turned around.
The urge to stand up and hold her in my arms to comfort her was currently filling up my thoughts. Her lonely back which probably endured a lot without telling me anything looked small and tired.
Meeting this girl again and being subjected to her rage, the first thought that came to my mind wasn't to ask for her forgiveness or to appease her hatred. It's relief. I was relieved to see her again. In fact, I was overjoyed even…
All those times I was with the girls from my past, my affection towards them was probably the same. I truly loved this girl. No. I still love her.
I did a lot of wrongs to most of them. Even so, I did steal them because they caught my eye.
"You're right. I'm the one foolish enough to be overwhelmed with my emotions to charge in and confront you… Ruki, I can't forgive you but at the same time, I can't help but want to see you again…"
Unconsciously, I slowly stood up and approached her while I attentively listened to what she's saying.
She noticed of course but Miyako just stood still and continued what she's saying.
"You've managed to change yourself, although still as despicable as before, you started to openly show how you care for those who you deemed important while here I am still stuck to that time…"
By the time she finished, my arms were already wrapped around her. Holding her small body, I finally got a better look at her. Nothing much has changed, she's still the same girl I used to accompany silently. I chose her to become the one to seduce Sena's ex because she's the one closest to me at that time.
I didn't think of what she would think about it but just the result. I probably thought that staying by her side after that was enough repayment for what she did for me. But the reality was far from what I thought…
"Miyako…."
I called her name which made her turn her head. And because of that, I once again saw her tears which continued to trickle down from her eyes, staining her smooth and beautiful face.
Her hands were now holding onto my arms which locked her in my embrace. I could feel how her fingernails tried to dig into my skin. Most likely that's part of the rage that she was feeling or she just wanted to hold onto me. In any case, she's not rejecting me or rather, she doesn't want to. She's conflicted.
"I told you. Stop calling me with my name… You see. I was confused for a long time ever since you cut me off and stopped staying silently by my side. After everything, I could only admit to myself that I became accustomed to being by your side… The only time I could be comfortable without being disturbed about the rumors and whatever's happening around me was when I'm with you."
"It's funny, right? You're the one who brought all of those to me but at the same time, you're also the only one I could depend on. I was aware you're trying to make me feel better after what you ordered me to do back then. Just like how you always do whenever you would order me to do some absurd things. Even so, my hatred and…"
When she reached this point, Miyako lowered her head while her back loosens up as she put all her weight onto me.
"… my love for you kept on clashing. That's why… I didn't tell you anything. Perhaps I was hoping for you to notice it yourself... But until the end, that didn't happen. After telling me that I'm finally free from your grasp, the only place where I feel comfortable vanished along with you."
"Now. Meeting you, confronting you, hearing your voice, hearing about your change and you kneeling in front of me. All of it had just added to my confusion."
"But you said 'was'. Your confusion, have you managed to clear it up?"
I silently asked. After my long silence as I listened to what she's saying, I decided to break it here.
"Yes. It's now all clear to me. Ruki. I reached closure thanks to this."
Miyako answered and pointed to my arms that were holding her.
"I see. Though it might sound insulting for you if I say this, I will still do. That's good to hear."
Whatever closure she reached, it's truly good to hear. After this day… she will be able to continue with her life now. Without me.
The only reason why I got to hold her like this is because she allowed me to.
"What do you feel about me?"
After a while, Miyako asked in a soft voice.
"Now?"
Instead of answering, Miyako nodded her head and waited for my response.
I tightened my arms that were coiled around her before I stared into her eyes and said in sincerity.
"I love you."
Upon hearing that, Miyako released a long sigh.
"I never thought these words will naturally come out of your mouth."
And with a bitter smile, I replied.
"I also thought the same. Until I realized a lot of things."
"I can't be like them. I can't hate and love you at the same time. Now that the confusion I was under was cleared up. I decided to forget everything about our past and move on."
"I understand. I will be cheering you on. And for your sake… I will try not to come into your sight again. Also, I still owe you a slap which Aika prevented earlier."
"You're right. This will be the last time…"
Miyako turned around and put her hand on my cheeks. However, instead of a slap, she held onto it and pulled my head down. With her lips meeting mine, Miyako and I shared our last kiss.
This decision is what she arrived at after this confrontation with me. She bared everything that was bottled up in her heart and mind ever since I cut her off.
Although I realized my love for her, it's truly better for her to move on to her life and forget about the love and hate she harbors for me. That way… she can live anew.
-
-
A minute after Miyako left the room, I also started my way back to the Home Economics Club where the girls were waiting for me. I met and reconnected with all of them. It will be hard, I know. However, like with the girls at my school, Miwa-nee and Shio, I will never neglect any of them and love them equally. The future is still far away from us but we will now be building it up piece by piece.
I will start relying on them and at the same time, they will rely on me. There's still a lot to learn but we'll surely get there. I will make it so…
As soon as I opened the door, one of them was standing in front of the door and greeted me with a bright smile on her face.
"Welcome back, Ruki."
"This…"
Huh? What's happening here? I just separated from her… After everything that was said and done… Why is she here?
"Are you surprised? I will forget our past and start anew with this changed you. Ruki, please take care of me this time."
------------
(This is here because it exceeded the character count limit on the Author's Thought)
End of Volume 4.
It took a long time but this is really the point where I wanted to end this Volume. Nothing has been truly resolved yet. Not with Kana, with Nami and with the other girls who needed closure from their previous relationship.
The new girls introduced will also not fade away after this day. Expect them to have their story or conflict which Ruki will experience together with each of them.
Everyone have their own circumstances and I don't really want to skip in any of their story so if you still have the patience, please bear with me. Also constantly check that spreadsheet of the list of the girls in the story for you to not forget about them if they were not shown in few dozen chapters.(refer to discord for the spreadsheet link. I haven't updated the auxiliary volume for the list of girls yet and I probably won't be able to for the time being)
And of course. There will be more stealing to be done along with some progress for the endpoint which Ruki always try to envision.
Please report us if you find any errors so we can fix it asap!
I don't know how long I was kneeling after her question which I didn't answer but when the sniffing sounds from Miyako stopped, I felt her hands drop on my shoulders as she tried to pull me up.
"Ruki… Even if you kneel forever in front of me, I will not forgive you… That's why stop this useless act."
Her voice was still a bit broken from how she cried. It even sounded like she's choking on her own words. Even so… the meaning behind her words was properly delivered.
She's right. No matter how many times or how long I kneel in front of her, it will not erase any of the things I did to her.
Even if I said I'm not looking for her forgiveness, perhaps deep inside me, I also wanted to hear those words from her which led me to do this. Though I was asking her to spare the other girls from her hatred on me, I might also have that intention.
I was actually using them to evoke some kind of compassion from this girl.
Haa. I'm really this selfish.
"You're right… There's no point in doing this. But I'm sincere in asking you to spare them from your hatred towards me. They're all important to me, you see."
I lifted my body but I stayed in a kneeling position. I looked up to meet Miyako's gaze whose eyes were already puffed up from all the tears which ran from it.
"I'm still the same selfish and greedy guy. So even if I'm willing to be put through to whatever you can think to satisfy your hatred towards me, I will not allow anything to happen to them."
It's contradictory, right? I'm trying to appease Miyako's hatred but at the same time, I'm threatening her to not touch any of my girls. Even so… this is how I really am. Nothing much really changed to me except from accepting the reason why I stole all of them from their partners.
Refraining from doing more despicable methods is also just me refraining. It doesn't mean that I will not be able to do all those again. If need be, I will be as despicable as I can get to achieve my goal of not letting any of the girls be implicated when things go awry.
Although that may result in me losing hold of them again, as long as it will be their own choice, I will not say anything.
"I'm sure that you heard from them why I appeared here. They're the only reason why I am here, you coming here to meet me is your own choice. Though it's true that I wanted to make amends to what I did to all of you, I left it to chance if one day I run into any of you again."
I did think of the possibility of meeting them but Miyako, she charged in here after knowing it's me.
"I know that the girls who didn't chase after me harbored hatred or just wanted to go back to their normal lives. That's why as much as possible I also don't want to remind them of those days by seeking them out to ask forgiveness which isn't really that sincere coming from me."
Uncomfortable with how I gaze at her, Miyako turned around and took a few steps away from me and when she stopped, her voice once again filled this room.
"… That's the Ruki I remembered. Not the one kneeling in front of someone else."
Even from behind her, I saw how she lifted her hand and brought it to her face to wipe off the tears which started to form before she turned around.
The urge to stand up and hold her in my arms to comfort her was currently filling up my thoughts. Her lonely back which probably endured a lot without telling me anything looked small and tired.
Meeting this girl again and being subjected to her rage, the first thought that came to my mind wasn't to ask for her forgiveness or to appease her hatred. It's relief. I was relieved to see her again. In fact, I was overjoyed even…
All those times I was with the girls from my past, my affection towards them was probably the same. I truly loved this girl. No. I still love her.
I did a lot of wrongs to most of them. Even so, I did steal them because they caught my eye.
"You're right. I'm the one foolish enough to be overwhelmed with my emotions to charge in and confront you… Ruki, I can't forgive you but at the same time, I can't help but want to see you again…"
Unconsciously, I slowly stood up and approached her while I attentively listened to what she's saying.
She noticed of course but Miyako just stood still and continued what she's saying.
"You've managed to change yourself, although still as despicable as before, you started to openly show how you care for those who you deemed important while here I am still stuck to that time…"
By the time she finished, my arms were already wrapped around her. Holding her small body, I finally got a better look at her. Nothing much has changed, she's still the same girl I used to accompany silently. I chose her to become the one to seduce Sena's ex because she's the one closest to me at that time.
I didn't think of what she would think about it but just the result. I probably thought that staying by her side after that was enough repayment for what she did for me. But the reality was far from what I thought…
"Miyako…."
I called her name which made her turn her head. And because of that, I once again saw her tears which continued to trickle down from her eyes, staining her smooth and beautiful face.
Her hands were now holding onto my arms which locked her in my embrace. I could feel how her fingernails tried to dig into my skin. Most likely that's part of the rage that she was feeling or she just wanted to hold onto me. In any case, she's not rejecting me or rather, she doesn't want to. She's conflicted.
"I told you. Stop calling me with my name… You see. I was confused for a long time ever since you cut me off and stopped staying silently by my side. After everything, I could only admit to myself that I became accustomed to being by your side… The only time I could be comfortable without being disturbed about the rumors and whatever's happening around me was when I'm with you."
"It's funny, right? You're the one who brought all of those to me but at the same time, you're also the only one I could depend on. I was aware you're trying to make me feel better after what you ordered me to do back then. Just like how you always do whenever you would order me to do some absurd things. Even so, my hatred and…"
When she reached this point, Miyako lowered her head while her back loosens up as she put all her weight onto me.
"… my love for you kept on clashing. That's why… I didn't tell you anything. Perhaps I was hoping for you to notice it yourself... But until the end, that didn't happen. After telling me that I'm finally free from your grasp, the only place where I feel comfortable vanished along with you."
"Now. Meeting you, confronting you, hearing your voice, hearing about your change and you kneeling in front of me. All of it had just added to my confusion."
"But you said 'was'. Your confusion, have you managed to clear it up?"
I silently asked. After my long silence as I listened to what she's saying, I decided to break it here.
"Yes. It's now all clear to me. Ruki. I reached closure thanks to this."
Miyako answered and pointed to my arms that were holding her.
"I see. Though it might sound insulting for you if I say this, I will still do. That's good to hear."
Whatever closure she reached, it's truly good to hear. After this day… she will be able to continue with her life now. Without me.
The only reason why I got to hold her like this is because she allowed me to.
"What do you feel about me?"
After a while, Miyako asked in a soft voice.
"Now?"
Instead of answering, Miyako nodded her head and waited for my response.
I tightened my arms that were coiled around her before I stared into her eyes and said in sincerity.
"I love you."
Upon hearing that, Miyako released a long sigh.
"I never thought these words will naturally come out of your mouth."
And with a bitter smile, I replied.
"I also thought the same. Until I realized a lot of things."
"I can't be like them. I can't hate and love you at the same time. Now that the confusion I was under was cleared up. I decided to forget everything about our past and move on."
"I understand. I will be cheering you on. And for your sake… I will try not to come into your sight again. Also, I still owe you a slap which Aika prevented earlier."
"You're right. This will be the last time…"
Miyako turned around and put her hand on my cheeks. However, instead of a slap, she held onto it and pulled my head down. With her lips meeting mine, Miyako and I shared our last kiss.
This decision is what she arrived at after this confrontation with me. She bared everything that was bottled up in her heart and mind ever since I cut her off.
Although I realized my love for her, it's truly better for her to move on to her life and forget about the love and hate she harbors for me. That way… she can live anew.
-
-
A minute after Miyako left the room, I also started my way back to the Home Economics Club where the girls were waiting for me. I met and reconnected with all of them. It will be hard, I know. However, like with the girls at my school, Miwa-nee and Shio, I will never neglect any of them and love them equally. The future is still far away from us but we will now be building it up piece by piece.
I will start relying on them and at the same time, they will rely on me. There's still a lot to learn but we'll surely get there. I will make it so…
As soon as I opened the door, one of them was standing in front of the door and greeted me with a bright smile on her face.
"Welcome back, Ruki."
"This…"
Huh? What's happening here? I just separated from her… After everything that was said and done… Why is she here?
"Are you surprised? I will forget our past and start anew with this changed you. Ruki, please take care of me this time."
------------
(This is here because it exceeded the character count limit on the Author's Thought)
End of Volume 4.
It took a long time but this is really the point where I wanted to end this Volume. Nothing has been truly resolved yet. Not with Kana, with Nami and with the other girls who needed closure from their previous relationship.
The new girls introduced will also not fade away after this day. Expect them to have their story or conflict which Ruki will experience together with each of them.
Everyone have their own circumstances and I don't really want to skip in any of their story so if you still have the patience, please bear with me. Also constantly check that spreadsheet of the list of the girls in the story for you to not forget about them if they were not shown in few dozen chapters.(refer to discord for the spreadsheet link. I haven't updated the auxiliary volume for the list of girls yet and I probably won't be able to for the time being)
And of course. There will be more stealing to be done along with some progress for the endpoint which Ruki always try to envision.
I don't know how long I was kneeling after her question which I didn't answer but when the sniffing sounds from Miyako stopped, I felt her hands drop on my shoulders as she tried to pull me up."Ruki Even if you kneel forever in front of me, I will not forgive you That's why stop this useless act."Her voice was still a bit broken from how she cried. It even sounded like she's choking on her own words. Even so the meaning behind her words was properly delivered.She's right. No matter how many times or how long I kneel in front of her, it will not erase any of the things I did to her.Even if I said I'm not looking for her forgiveness, perhaps deep inside me, I also wanted to hear those words from her which led me to do this. Though I was asking her to spare the other girls from her hatred on me, I might also have that intention.I was actually using them to evoke some kind of compassion from this girl.Haa. I'm really this selfish."You're right There's no point in doing this. But I'm sincere in asking you to spare them from your hatred towards me. They're all important to me, you see."I lifted my body but I stayed in a kneeling position. I looked up to meet Miyako's gaze whose eyes were already puffed up from all the tears which ran from it."I'm still the same selfish and greedy guy. So even if I'm willing to be put through to whatever you can think to satisfy your hatred towards me, I will not allow anything to happen to them."It's contradictory, right? I'm trying to appease Miyako's hatred but at the same time, I'm threatening her to not touch any of my girls. Even so this is how I really am. Nothing much really changed to me except from accepting the reason why I stole all of them from their partners.Refraining from doing more despicable methods is also just me refraining. It doesn't mean that I will not be able to do all those again. If need be, I will be as despicable as I can get to achieve my goal of not letting any of the girls be implicated when things go awry.Although that may result in me losing hold of them again, as long as it will be their own choice, I will not say anything."I'm sure that you heard from them why I appeared here. They're the only reason why I am here, you coming here to meet me is your own choice. Though it's true that I wanted to make amends to what I did to all of you, I left it to chance if one day I run into any of you again."I did think of the possibility of meeting them but Miyako, she charged in here after knowing it's me."I know that the girls who didn't chase after me harbored hatred or just wanted to go back to their normal lives. That's why as much as possible I also don't want to remind them of those days by seeking them out to ask forgiveness which isn't really that sincere coming from me."Uncomfortable with how I gaze at her, Miyako turned around and took a few steps away from me and when she stopped, her voice once again filled this room." That's the Ruki I remembered. Not the one kneeling in front of someone else."Even from behind her, I saw how she lifted her hand and brought it to her face to wipe off the tears which started to form before she turned around.The urge to stand up and hold her in my arms to comfort her was currently filling up my thoughts. Her lonely back which probably endured a lot without telling me anything looked small and tired.Meeting this girl again and being subjected to her rage, the first thought that came to my mind wasn't to ask for her forgiveness or to appease her hatred. It's relief. I was relieved to see her again. In fact, I was overjoyed evenAll those times I was with the girls from my past, my affection towards them was probably the same. I truly loved this girl. No. I still love her.I did a lot of wrongs to most of them. Even so, I did steal them because they caught my eye."You're right. I'm the one foolish enough to be overwhelmed with my emotions to charge in and confront you Ruki, I can't forgive you but at the same time, I can't help but want to see you again"Unconsciously, I slowly stood up and approached her while I attentively listened to what she's saying.She noticed of course but Miyako just stood still and continued what she's saying."You've managed to change yourself, although still as despicable as before, you started to openly show how you care for those who you deemed important while here I am still stuck to that time"By the time she finished, my arms were already wrapped around her. Holding her small body, I finally got a better look at her. Nothing much has changed, she's still the same girl I used to accompany silently. I chose her to become the one to seduce Sena's ex because she's the one closest to me at that time.I didn't think of what she would think about it but just the result. I probably thought that staying by her side after that was enough repayment for what she did for me. But the reality was far from what I thought"Miyako."I called her name which made her turn her head. And because of that, I once again saw her tears which continued to trickle down from her eyes, staining her smooth and beautiful face.Her hands were now holding onto my arms which locked her in my embrace. I could feel how her fingernails tried to dig into my skin. Most likely that's part of the rage that she was feeling or she just wanted to hold onto me. In any case, she's not rejecting me or rather, she doesn't want to. She's conflicted."I told you. Stop calling me with my name You see. I was confused for a long time ever since you cut me off and stopped staying silently by my side. After everything, I could only admit to myself that I became accustomed to being by your side The only time I could be comfortable without being disturbed about the rumors and whatever's happening around me was when I'm with you.""It's funny, right? You're the one who brought all of those to me but at the same time, you're also the only one I could depend on. I was aware you're trying to make me feel better after what you ordered me to do back then. Just like how you always do whenever you would order me to do some absurd things. Even so, my hatred and"When she reached this point, Miyako lowered her head while her back loosens up as she put all her weight onto me." my love for you kept on clashing. That's why I didn't tell you anything. Perhaps I was hoping for you to notice it yourself... But until the end, that didn't happen. After telling me that I'm finally free from your grasp, the only place where I feel comfortable vanished along with you.""Now. Meeting you, confronting you, hearing your voice, hearing about your change and you kneeling in front of me. All of it had just added to my confusion.""But you said 'was'. Your confusion, have you managed to clear it up?"I silently asked. After my long silence as I listened to what she's saying, I decided to break it here."Yes. It's now all clear to me. Ruki. I reached closure thanks to this."Miyako answered and pointed to my arms that were holding her."I see. Though it might sound insulting for you if I say this, I will still do. That's good to hear."Whatever closure she reached, it's truly good to hear. After this day she will be able to continue with her life now. Without me.The only reason why I got to hold her like this is because she allowed me to."What do you feel about me?"After a while, Miyako asked in a soft voice."Now?"Instead of answering, Miyako nodded her head and waited for my response.I tightened my arms that were coiled around her before I stared into her eyes and said in sincerity."I love you."Upon hearing that, Miyako released a long sigh."I never thought these words will naturally come out of your mouth."And with a bitter smile, I replied."I also thought the same. Until I realized a lot of things.""I can't be like them. I can't hate and love you at the same time. Now that the confusion I was under was cleared up. I decided to forget everything about our past and move on.""I understand. I will be cheering you on. And for your sake I will try not to come into your sight again. Also, I still owe you a slap which Aika prevented earlier.""You're right. This will be the last time"Miyako turned around and put her hand on my cheeks. However, instead of a slap, she held onto it and pulled my head down. With her lips meeting mine, Miyako and I shared our last kiss.This decision is what she arrived at after this confrontation with me. She bared everything that was bottled up in her heart and mind ever since I cut her off.Although I realized my love for her, it's truly better for her to move on to her life and forget about the love and hate she harbors for me. That way she can live anew.--A minute after Miyako left the room, I also started my way back to the Home Economics Club where the girls were waiting for me. I met and reconnected with all of them. It will be hard, I know. However, like with the girls at my school, Miwa-nee and Shio, I will never neglect any of them and love them equally. The future is still far away from us but we will now be building it up piece by piece.I will start relying on them and at the same time, they will rely on me. There's still a lot to learn but we'll surely get there. I will make it soAs soon as I opened the door, one of them was standing in front of the door and greeted me with a bright smile on her face."Welcome back, Ruki.""This"Huh? What's happening here? I just separated from her After everything that was said and done Why is she here?"Are you surprised? I will forget our past and start anew with this changed you. Ruki, please take care of me this time."------------This is here because it exceeded the character count limit on the Author's ThoughtEnd of Volume 4.It took a long time but this is really the point where I wanted to end this Volume. Nothing has been truly resolved yet. Not with Kana, with Nami and with the other girls who needed closure from their previous relationship.The new girls introduced will also not fade away after this day. Expect them to have their story or conflict which Ruki will experience together with each of them.Everyone have their own circumstances and I don't really want to skip in any of their story so if you still have the patience, please bear with me. Also constantly check that spreadsheet of the list of the girls in the story for you to not forget about them if they were not shown in few dozen chapters.refer to discord for the spreadsheet link. I haven't updated the auxiliary volume for the list of girls yet and I probably won't be able to for the time beingAnd of course. There will be more stealing to be done along with some progress for the endpoint which Ruki always try to envision.
