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Suffocate My love - Chapter 61

Published at 30th of January 2023 06:02:26 AM


Chapter 61

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He pulled him down the stairs and they headed towards the resident side.

Joln was in a daze of what just happened and  didn't really notice who had pulled him out of the classroom.

After being dragged for three minutes and was in between the isolated and currently silent pathway leading to first batch of disciple's houses, he stopped moving causing Ryle to come to an abrupt stop.

Ryle was faced ahead but he didn't turn to acknowledge Joln . Instead he tried to pull on him but Joln still resisted. Only then did Ryle revert to Joln. 

He stared at him . Joln had his head lowered and some tears were trickling off his face. He was petrified and trembling a bit but he loathed that morbid feeling of being weak because it's that very weakness that got him battered like a sinner for almost every day ever since he was ten years old. 

He looked awful. He was not crying hysterically but this face of his was not one that anyone would like to view. No matter how beautiful and graceful angels are inspite of what they do, no one wants to see them in tears. Joln is no exception

Joln struggled his hand out of Ryle s snowing grip but Ryle held him firmly and was partly getting furious at Joln s attempt. Reason being that more tears fell from his face as he tried to free himself  plus he is going to get frost bitten if he keeps rubbing on  ice like this

"What are you doing?", Ryle spoke to him , angrily but not necessarily scolding him

Joln didn't respond and instead he struggled to release his wrist but there is no way that Ryle is letting him go

" Are you going back to that fool when he attacked you?", He raised his voice at him , only because Herim was the topic . Ryle is indifferent to Herim but today Herim crossed a line that only exists because it concerns Joln. 

" He didn't attack me", Joln spoke softly. He wanted to bark but he doesn't have the energy to support his lie

" Ohh really? Then how would you explain the bruise on your cheek?", He pointed to it with his other hand 

" It's a small bruise. It doesn't warrant you doing what you did to him", he raised his voice at him. 

" What!!", he whispered 

" You should not have done that . You overreacted over nothing",he raised his red eyes and stared pitchforks to Ryle s soul.  He looked like he was pulled from a pot of red dye 

" Are you listening to yourself? Herim attacked you and you expect me to be calm", he sounded like Joln was speaking the language of madmen

"Yes , I do. he was  with me and not you. If it was a battle it was mine to fight alone", he screamed at him. He didn't want to yell but it seems that it is the only way of conversing with Ryle 

" What!!", he exclaimed in utter disbelief 

" I don't need you to protect me . I am f.. ", he densely defended himself 

" Don't say that word. Don't you dare say that word. You can be a whole lot of things but fine.", Ryle reprimanded but he felt guilty. He almost apologized for exploding at him

" Shut up", his soft voice was greatly amplified and his iris started to get horrifyingly malformed 

" Why?  Are you afraid of the truth?  How is it helping pretending to be fine when you are not", he added a forged intensity in his voice, one that sounded a little bit foreign 

" then do you want me to crawl into bed and cry all day. In your literate mind and picture-perfect world,  do you think that is for the best ? ", He was literally screaming at this point. And for every bar and that he raised his voice, he released a tear from his reptile eyes but those slit iris did little to scare Ryle because they instead acted like a fire extinguisher for Ryle s raging fury 

" That's not what am saying", Ryle spoke with a low voice after realizing that he stirred up commotion in Joln 

" Then what are you saying?", He demanded a straight answer 

" You..", now it was Ryle s turn to bow his head 

" The real me that you claim to know is the me that I don't want anyone to know of . I said I will be strong so that is what am going to be", he argued once more 

" That's my point. You don't have to bare situations that torment you just because you want to be strong", he turned back to look at Joln s crying face

" It's my decision to make. I want to bear them so...ju..just back off..." 

" Over my dead body", he interrupted him and spoke with his teeth clenched. He felt that Joln is going too far. 

" What?!", He thought that Ryle is losing his mind 

" For as long as I walk under the heavens and draw breathe from the  air, I will never let you suffer even if I have rearrange the cosmos. Go on, put a show and make them your fans. But I Song Ryle, will never fall for your facade.  I will keep protecting you even if I die on my mission but even then I will prioritize you from the yellow springs and  in my next life", he spoke without stuttering.

He gawked at the crazy Omega that stood before him and this time only one of his eyes released a tear. Joln stood quiet for five seconds and half blinked at the ' madness ' he just heard.  he doesn't want to believe that what he is witnessing is real or that any of what is coming from Ryle s mouth is concrete. 

" Only a fool would make declarations like that", he spoke through the tears and he was trembling as he tried to compose the only sentence he could only think of. And as he said this four more tears followed each other. 

" those are my declarations and am fine if they make me a fool because they are true ", he sang smoothly and raised his free hand to touch Joln s heated face. He wiped away his tears and surprisingly Joln didn't move away because of the coldness of his hand. He just let him do what he wanted. 

"Joln  to me , your happiness has become more of a priority than breathing .Your very existence is the fuel that helps keep me alive  . I don't know how many times I have to say it so that you believe me. But I will keep on saying it irregardless of whether my words will change the sky into the sea .. In my heart, soul and mind, there is only room for you. For everyday I live I thank the guardian of the heavens for bringing you to me.. ", he recited with his hand on his cheek and he proceeded to cool his skin by letting snowflakes fall as he held him

Joln just stood there tears falling from his eyes.  He was definitely sure that all the tears falling were no longer out of fear of Herim but were of Ryle s words and actions.

it's true that he does see how much Ryle cares about him , not in a way that he does about everyone else. He does appreciate everything that Ryle does for him. He does wish to drop to his knees and thank him for all to see. Ryle does everything irregardless of who is watching and what they might think.

But be that the case, Joln is forcing himself to believe that Ryle is acting in the sense of brotherhood and nothing else.  He refuses to believe that Ryle could hold him dearly in ways that surpass the boundaries of  friendship 

However in ignorance of this , Joln s heart keeps asking him if he is sure that he wants to think of Ryle that way? Is he sure that he wants Ryle to treat him like what he is describing his affection to be? Is he truly sure that he would not mind if he didn't have Ryle being this way towards him? Is he sure that he really wants to believe that the way Ryle looks at him is just on friendly basis? Is he also sure that the way his heart reacts when he is around Ryle is just because he thinks of Ryle as a mere friend.? 

Plus even if he is classifying Ryle as a friend, that word tastes bitter on his mouth .  A friend to him is someone between family and an acquaintance.  Valian and Syin are family. Claudia and Declan are acquaintances. But for Ryle, he can't correctly position him. He only knew him for a year so they are acquaintances but he feels more comfortable around him than Valian, so he is family. So is Ryle his family and friend?What is the correct word to give to Ryle if he is everything that Joln could think of?

To be honest there is absolutely no reason why Joln is compelling himself to regard Ryle as a friend. According to Joln, discounting the fact that Joln doesn't consider himself worthy of receiving such volumes of genuine affection, let alone from someone as cut to precision as Ryle, he doesn't want Ryle to think it's okay for him to 'waste away ' such expensive emotions by giving them to him. Joln is convinced that Ryle should keep them instead for someone much better than him , someone much more worthy..

With the last sentence, Joln pulled Ryle s hand from his face and then used his free hand to twist his wrist free from Ryle s hand . Immediately after he walked past Ryle

An avalanche of tears accompanied his every step as he walked away from someone after them saying such deep words that not only mended the wound that was tearing up but also cuddled his aching and weakening heart . And instead of him basking in this tenderness, he chooses to walk away from it, reversing all the comfort.

His brain and eyes went blank as he thought that all Ryle wanted was to protect him. Yet he is acting like an egotistical jerk. Instead of saying thanks he yelled and reprimanded his actions, while he Joln was fully aware that Ryle s actions are motivated by his affection for Joln. A layman would have called for help or tried to separate the two of them but Ryle used his powers on a student, which is forbidden and when found guilty is  brutally punishable.

And now because of himself, he is going to get Ryle hurt. His father was right. All Joln is is a burden to everyone around him ..

Maybe Joln thought he was running, maybe he thought his cold shoulder had built a mountain between him and Ryle . Maybe that assumption was further supported the fact that his energy was running low and he felt like he was sinking. Whatever the case he certainly thought that his staggered walking caused by his heavy feet had took him far. And that is why he wasn't prepared for what happened 

A pair of cold slightly masculine but gentle arms wrapped around his waist and interlocked over his packs. The hands had blue veins and were incredibly pale, more white than glass looking..

Instead of Joln questioning their existence, he closed his eyes and the warms tears fell even more. He raised his head to heaven to seek its assistance to give him strength to push away Ryle s embrace, that is cold yet seemingly warm and tender

Ryle proceeded to bury his head on Joln s shoulder blade and tightened his interlock..

" You are my ice prince . Did you actually think I would let you leave with tears falling down your face?", Ryle spoke sulkingly. This was his way of saying sorry for arguing with Joln. 

He stayed that way for eight seconds. Only when he felt Joln s heaved breathing did he unearth his face and peak over to Joln s face . Consecutively he unlocked his hands but his one hand grabbed onto to Joln s clothes and the other hand raised to Joln s face and he wiped away his tears.. 

He kept like that wiping tears that would not stop coming ..

" Ai..Why so much water? is my ice prince melting?", He joked , speaking in the south-eastern language and that tantalizing accent. 

Joln didn't react and then Ryle lowered his hands. He could blow purple snowflakes on his neck but he might get too cold since he cried excessively. Feeling helpless  , he tickled Joln who quickly spasmed and ran out of Ryle s embrace which was not strong enough. 

Joln shot away but Ryle chased immediately after him.  He knows that Joln hates it when he tickles him but his laughing face is extremely adorable.. 

"Stop chasing me", Joln spewed while still fighting to breathe .he stopped running because his feet still felt overweight. Nevertheless he looked ready to flee 

" Then don't run away ", . His response made it sound like obvious logic and he giggled at how Joln instantly became childish

" But you are going to tickle me", Joln defended himself exactly like a wolf cub . He could already feel his cold fingers rubbing on his ribcage while additionally snowing on him. . Joln got distracted and he lowered his face to dust away the snow that Ryle created when he tickled him 

" I would never.. ", he obviously lied but just then he ran to Joln who forgot to keep his guard up. 

Hearing Ryle s delicate taps on the ground, Joln shrieked amicably and blast off running.

He kept telling Ryle to stop chasing and he replied that he is simply exercising. Joln kept laughing while turning periodically to check if Ryle was still chasing and indeed he was.. 

It's not clear at this point how Joln transitioned from pained to laughing. Maybe it's true that a single moment with the right one can freeze all aches of the soul and turn a hurricane into a spring day or dilute a nightmare into eutopia..





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