I twist and curl in on myself. Everything hurts. I feel like I’m dying, but in the dream I am already dead and my spirit is being wrent apart.
Then my nightmare turns and I am hiding beneath my desk back in the temple. I can hear them all outside my chambers.
I want to leave, but there is only one way out! Zigdara’s threatening to toss me into the sea if I don’t let them in, while Jawdat says he’ll burn another of my paintings if I don’t come to the beach with him.
“Please go away.” I plead as their fingers turn to claws and tendrils that begin to snake into the room through the bronze curtain.
They pause, then I see my Sangoma peeking between the scales. She is so angry as she sees how I’ve changed. I scramble back but the room is suddenly too big! I can’t run faster than her and she begins to claw and squeeze at my legs. Then my Sangoma is screaming and the nails are biting into my–
“Inamatorii!” Someone whispers while shaking me.
I open my eyes to see Yrelia kneeling over me, and I remember where I am.
That’s my name now. And a joy mixes with and overpowers the nightmare terror’s.
I push myself up, eyes crusty and mouth dry. “Sorry, just a bad dream.”
“I guessed.” She passes me the wine pouch.
The sun is already up and I can see the tops of the other heads on the opposite side of Lule.
“Let’s go get some breakfast with the others.” Yrelia suggests as I finish drinking, a touch nervous as I turn back to her. “They um… I think they’d like to get to know you better.”
I stretch and look down at myself. I’m still me, dark skin and soft curves easily spotted with my thin loose shirt and shorts. I reach up to feel my hair. It’s mussed up from some tossing in the night, but It doesn’t feel tangled and damp.
“Okay.” Is all I can mumble back. “Thanks again for last night.”
“You’re very welcome,” She helps me stand and has me keep the blanket we shared as we walk around Lule. Who is funnily enough still asleep with his head stuffed inside one of his little wings, occasional flutters and soft hoots ripple along his fathers. The other three women are sitting around the bag that all the food was dumped in, taking turns sorting through the now cold meal and selecting their favorites to place on small dishes and bowls.
I can see Jevita’s tattoos better in the sunlight. Or are they closer to scars? There’s no ink, every marking across her scalp and arms seem to be discolored in incredibly precise spots. At certain points I catch greenish sparkles in splotchy clusters.
“Good morning!” Tasii says as she holds out plates to us. “How did you sleep?”
“Okay.” I lie, tearing my eyes away from Jevita, taking a plate, and sitting down.
Yrelia plops down beside me, and everyone continues their meal in relative silence.
Eventually Tasii pulls a scroll up from one of the bags. She turns and seems to begin to ask others about routes and possible destinations, but goes quiet when Jevita pulls a book from the pack beside her and gives me a pointed look.
“You found it.” I set my sparsely filled plate down amongst their food.
“I did.” She replies, “Almost didn’t even look when I recognized the alarm.”
I hold my hand out over the food. “Oh, Sorry…”
She doesn’t move to hand it back to me, only raises an eyebrow. “Why? Was that your fault?”
I wince, expecting the question. How do I explain… any of this?
“I mean… kind of.” I drop my hand and pick at some dark goop beneath a fingernail. “I can’t talk about it.”
“Why?” Jevita asks.
“Because it’s all really crazy and impossible.” I look back up.
“From what I can tell about this book,” Her voice is suddenly soft, not kind but it’s edge is dulled. “I’m pretty open to your story being weird. Why else would you be trying to leave?”
I nod, and a spark of an idea hits, a memory at the foundations of my nightmare last night inspires me. The best lies have truth in them.
“I um… was being held by the duenna for trying to sneak into the temple.”
Jevita lowers the book, and I take it as encouragement to continue.
“They found me naked in one of the male's chambers, one of two that didn’t go down to the Festival. But he was gone by the time they found me, and I was able to get away from the duenna they had holding me when the alarm started.”
Not so long ago, I annoyed Jawdat and he tossed my painting of mine into the bonfire on the beach. Sangoma guessed it was him, but I was able to convince her it was an accident. That, yes he was mad at me, but that the beach was also really windy that day and I might have forgotten to secure the canvas. She filled in the gaps and no one got in trouble.
“Do you know what happened to him?” Jevita asks, nails tapping on the cover.
I nod. “Some kind of magic came out of that.”
She stops drumbing the cover, and glances down at it, a sudden worry flashes across her face.
“There was a… I don’t know, some kind of drop of sap between the pages.” I try to show its size between two fingers, “About this big. It cracked and roots started to grow out from it. They stabbed into our skin, I passed out. When I woke up he was gone.”
I see them all look at the book, worry slowly becoming a panic as Jevita moves the book on the ground beside her.
“The Sap is gone,” I quickly add, “I checked before the duenna found me.”
They relax a bit, then Tasii speaks up, “Why did you take it with you? The book I mean.”
“Oh um…” I fumble. Shoot! This might have to be more lies than… Wait, no! It can just build off what I told Zigdara, albeit with some extra truth...
“It's stupid, but I didn’t want to get the store I got it from in trouble.”
“You bought this?” Jevita’s surprise seems odd, like it has a hint of disbelief that doesn’t match her previous distrust. “Why? And from who?”
I have to be careful here. I don’t imagine my knowledge of old lore and diverse languages is something most people care about.
“Yeah, I um… The male was more interested in books and such than the others. I thought maybe he would be more likely to um…” I trail off, and when no one saves me from looking like a thief and a fool I continue. “Look, I know it was stupid. I just…”
I just what? Fuck! I should have just tried to lie that I was a cook or something and stumbled in on the mess. How can I come across as more temporarily stupid than devious?
Women who skip the queue for a night with men are… not looked at fondly. Even temple staff who catch the attention of one are scoffed at and hated, despite the fact many women take the role in the hopes one might ask for sex with them. But to sneak in, proposition one without a Sangoma’s knowledge or consent? That’s… really really bad. It’s a kind of betrayal and violation of everyone’s trust.
“I’d honestly not have run if they had just caught me doing that.” I stare at the book.
“Really? They would have sent you to work in the fields, or the Dune Wall’s mines.” Kque points out. “It would have been at least a decade before you could try and be released. And then you would be marked, branded to never apply for motherhood.”
I shrug, “Would be better than where I was before.”
There is a long pause at that. I glance up to see their genuinely surprised expressions, I also catch Tasii and Kques’ turn to a horror that borders on something worse. I quickly look back down to my lap. Fuck, I don’t know how they’re taking this.
“And that was?” Jevita finally prompts.
“It’s not connected to what happened.” Is the only reply I feel safe giving. They already think I’m some fucked up Ravie.
Jevita purses her lips, but doesn’t push me more.
“We should probably get rid of it.” Yrealia adds. “Just in case it’s still cursed or something.”
“No!” Both me and Jevita reply at the same time, though I’m a little louder. She raises an eyebrow my way as I look back down to my hands. But why does she even care? Shouldn’t they be telling me to leave? I’m not someone they should want to keep around!
“Why not?” Yrelia looks between us, “Even if it’s safe it’ll link her to what happened.”
I suppress a stupid grin when she says ‘her’, and I have a spark of courage. “It’s Inamatorii now.”
I peek up to find the mood softened a bit. “Or Ina… if it’s easier.”
From my peripheral vision I see Yrealia grin at Tasii. She returns a soft smile.
Jevita doesn’t reply right away, but then “Okay then, Ina. Why do you want to keep it?”
“It’s… I wasn’t finished going through it. I’d like to know more about where it came from and who wrote it.”
“Wait!” Jevita shakes her hands over her lap, “You can read it?”
“Oh, um yeah. I only got through the first parts though.”
Jevita’s face is a cross between disbelief, surprise, and a bit of… excitement?
“Show me!” She pulls the book up and begins carefully flipping through it. She gets to the now torn pages left that held the sap. “What do these say?”
I look down and wince at the barely intact page. It had obviously gotten more torn up than I could tell last night.
“Sleep, Void, and Serenity. I think.” I reply, recognizing the page. “I don’t know anything about the circles though. I assume they had something to do with the Sap that was on those pages.”
Jevita just stares at me, eyes narrowing.
“Did… I mistranslate?” I squirm a bit by her sudden intensity, “I didn't have a ton of reference texts for Arudian but it seemed really similar and I just assumed.”
She takes back up the book before I think to reach for it.
“Jevita…” Tasii leans toward her, but Jevita rises and heads over to Lule.
The Quelekita doesn’t initially awaken at first when Jevita begins rummaging through a few packs, but as she curses under her breath he peeks one groggy eye out from between his feathers.
After pulling a small chest from one of the sacks she caresses him back into sleep and returns to sit among us. We all watch in a sort of confused silence as she pulls a cord up from beneath her shawl. On it are a few metal keys. She leans down to stick one in a lock on the other side of the chest that I couldn’t see.
“Jevita.” Tasi warns, putting a hand on hers.
Jevita stops and fixes her with an annoyed stare. “This is important.”
Her other hand is still moving and she begins to pull some kind of black cloth from the bag. It looks really soft and even glitters in the morning sun.
“We don’t have time.” She nods back toward the city. “The duenna might send out scouts soon. We need to get moving.”
Jevita grits her teeth, but nods. She then begins to wrap the book in it.
I want to stop her, But before I can protest she interrupts.
“This will help keep it from falling apart anymore than it already has.” Once she’s done it goes in the chest and which is locked once again.
I don’t stop her. With how much it’s already been torn up I don’t want to risk losing more of it.
“What do we not have time for?” I ask. “Is it still okay if I travel with you all?”
“Yes, and I want you to help me translate the rest.” Jevita replies.
I pause, surprised. “Why? Can’t you do it?”
Jevita stands and stores the chest back in one of Lule’s side bags, then turns and gives me an annoyed look. “Obviously not. How and where did you even learn to read Amwellian?”
Thanks so much for reading!
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Love,
Nevarii
I twist and curl in on myself. Everything hurts. I feel like I’m dying, but in the dream I am already dead and my spirit is being wrent apart.
Then my nightmare turns and I am hiding beneath my desk back in the temple. I can hear them all outside my chambers.
I want to leave, but there is only one way out! Zigdara’s threatening to toss me into the sea if I don’t let them in, while Jawdat says he’ll burn another of my paintings if I don’t come to the beach with him.
“Please go away.” I plead as their fingers turn to claws and tendrils that begin to snake into the room through the bronze curtain.
They pause, then I see my Sangoma peeking between the scales. She is so angry as she sees how I’ve changed. I scramble back but the room is suddenly too big! I can’t run faster than her and she begins to claw and squeeze at my legs. Then my Sangoma is screaming and the nails are biting into my–
“Inamatorii!” Someone whispers while shaking me.
I open my eyes to see Yrelia kneeling over me, and I remember where I am.
That’s my name now. And a joy mixes with and overpowers the nightmare terror’s.
I push myself up, eyes crusty and mouth dry. “Sorry, just a bad dream.”
“I guessed.” She passes me the wine pouch.
The sun is already up and I can see the tops of the other heads on the opposite side of Lule.
“Let’s go get some breakfast with the others.” Yrelia suggests as I finish drinking, a touch nervous as I turn back to her. “They um… I think they’d like to get to know you better.”
I stretch and look down at myself. I’m still me, dark skin and soft curves easily spotted with my thin loose shirt and shorts. I reach up to feel my hair. It’s mussed up from some tossing in the night, but It doesn’t feel tangled and damp.
“Okay.” Is all I can mumble back. “Thanks again for last night.”
“You’re very welcome,” She helps me stand and has me keep the blanket we shared as we walk around Lule. Who is funnily enough still asleep with his head stuffed inside one of his little wings, occasional flutters and soft hoots ripple along his fathers. The other three women are sitting around the bag that all the food was dumped in, taking turns sorting through the now cold meal and selecting their favorites to place on small dishes and bowls.
I can see Jevita’s tattoos better in the sunlight. Or are they closer to scars? There’s no ink, every marking across her scalp and arms seem to be discolored in incredibly precise spots. At certain points I catch greenish sparkles in splotchy clusters.
“Good morning!” Tasii says as she holds out plates to us. “How did you sleep?”
“Okay.” I lie, tearing my eyes away from Jevita, taking a plate, and sitting down.
Yrelia plops down beside me, and everyone continues their meal in relative silence.
Eventually Tasii pulls a scroll up from one of the bags. She turns and seems to begin to ask others about routes and possible destinations, but goes quiet when Jevita pulls a book from the pack beside her and gives me a pointed look.
“You found it.” I set my sparsely filled plate down amongst their food.
“I did.” She replies, “Almost didn’t even look when I recognized the alarm.”
I hold my hand out over the food. “Oh, Sorry…”
She doesn’t move to hand it back to me, only raises an eyebrow. “Why? Was that your fault?”
I wince, expecting the question. How do I explain… any of this?
“I mean… kind of.” I drop my hand and pick at some dark goop beneath a fingernail. “I can’t talk about it.”
“Why?” Jevita asks.
“Because it’s all really crazy and impossible.” I look back up.
“From what I can tell about this book,” Her voice is suddenly soft, not kind but it’s edge is dulled. “I’m pretty open to your story being weird. Why else would you be trying to leave?”
I nod, and a spark of an idea hits, a memory at the foundations of my nightmare last night inspires me. The best lies have truth in them.
“I um… was being held by the duenna for trying to sneak into the temple.”
Jevita lowers the book, and I take it as encouragement to continue.
“They found me naked in one of the male's chambers, one of two that didn’t go down to the Festival. But he was gone by the time they found me, and I was able to get away from the duenna they had holding me when the alarm started.”
Not so long ago, I annoyed Jawdat and he tossed my painting of mine into the bonfire on the beach. Sangoma guessed it was him, but I was able to convince her it was an accident. That, yes he was mad at me, but that the beach was also really windy that day and I might have forgotten to secure the canvas. She filled in the gaps and no one got in trouble.
“Do you know what happened to him?” Jevita asks, nails tapping on the cover.
I nod. “Some kind of magic came out of that.”
She stops drumbing the cover, and glances down at it, a sudden worry flashes across her face.
“There was a… I don’t know, some kind of drop of sap between the pages.” I try to show its size between two fingers, “About this big. It cracked and roots started to grow out from it. They stabbed into our skin, I passed out. When I woke up he was gone.”
I see them all look at the book, worry slowly becoming a panic as Jevita moves the book on the ground beside her.
“The Sap is gone,” I quickly add, “I checked before the duenna found me.”
They relax a bit, then Tasii speaks up, “Why did you take it with you? The book I mean.”
“Oh um…” I fumble. Shoot! This might have to be more lies than… Wait, no! It can just build off what I told Zigdara, albeit with some extra truth...
“It's stupid, but I didn’t want to get the store I got it from in trouble.”
“You bought this?” Jevita’s surprise seems odd, like it has a hint of disbelief that doesn’t match her previous distrust. “Why? And from who?”
I have to be careful here. I don’t imagine my knowledge of old lore and diverse languages is something most people care about.
“Yeah, I um… The male was more interested in books and such than the others. I thought maybe he would be more likely to um…” I trail off, and when no one saves me from looking like a thief and a fool I continue. “Look, I know it was stupid. I just…”
I just what? Fuck! I should have just tried to lie that I was a cook or something and stumbled in on the mess. How can I come across as more temporarily stupid than devious?
Women who skip the queue for a night with men are… not looked at fondly. Even temple staff who catch the attention of one are scoffed at and hated, despite the fact many women take the role in the hopes one might ask for sex with them. But to sneak in, proposition one without a Sangoma’s knowledge or consent? That’s… really really bad. It’s a kind of betrayal and violation of everyone’s trust.
“I’d honestly not have run if they had just caught me doing that.” I stare at the book.
“Really? They would have sent you to work in the fields, or the Dune Wall’s mines.” Kque points out. “It would have been at least a decade before you could try and be released. And then you would be marked, branded to never apply for motherhood.”
I shrug, “Would be better than where I was before.”
There is a long pause at that. I glance up to see their genuinely surprised expressions, I also catch Tasii and Kques’ turn to a horror that borders on something worse. I quickly look back down to my lap. Fuck, I don’t know how they’re taking this.
“And that was?” Jevita finally prompts.
“It’s not connected to what happened.” Is the only reply I feel safe giving. They already think I’m some fucked up Ravie.
Jevita purses her lips, but doesn’t push me more.
“We should probably get rid of it.” Yrealia adds. “Just in case it’s still cursed or something.”
“No!” Both me and Jevita reply at the same time, though I’m a little louder. She raises an eyebrow my way as I look back down to my hands. But why does she even care? Shouldn’t they be telling me to leave? I’m not someone they should want to keep around!
“Why not?” Yrelia looks between us, “Even if it’s safe it’ll link her to what happened.”
I suppress a stupid grin when she says ‘her’, and I have a spark of courage. “It’s Inamatorii now.”
I peek up to find the mood softened a bit. “Or Ina… if it’s easier.”
From my peripheral vision I see Yrealia grin at Tasii. She returns a soft smile.
Jevita doesn’t reply right away, but then “Okay then, Ina. Why do you want to keep it?”
“It’s… I wasn’t finished going through it. I’d like to know more about where it came from and who wrote it.”
“Wait!” Jevita shakes her hands over her lap, “You can read it?”
“Oh, um yeah. I only got through the first parts though.”
Jevita’s face is a cross between disbelief, surprise, and a bit of… excitement?
“Show me!” She pulls the book up and begins carefully flipping through it. She gets to the now torn pages left that held the sap. “What do these say?”
I look down and wince at the barely intact page. It had obviously gotten more torn up than I could tell last night.
“Sleep, Void, and Serenity. I think.” I reply, recognizing the page. “I don’t know anything about the circles though. I assume they had something to do with the Sap that was on those pages.”
Jevita just stares at me, eyes narrowing.
“Did… I mistranslate?” I squirm a bit by her sudden intensity, “I didn't have a ton of reference texts for Arudian but it seemed really similar and I just assumed.”
She takes back up the book before I think to reach for it.
“Jevita…” Tasii leans toward her, but Jevita rises and heads over to Lule.
The Quelekita doesn’t initially awaken at first when Jevita begins rummaging through a few packs, but as she curses under her breath he peeks one groggy eye out from between his feathers.
After pulling a small chest from one of the sacks she caresses him back into sleep and returns to sit among us. We all watch in a sort of confused silence as she pulls a cord up from beneath her shawl. On it are a few metal keys. She leans down to stick one in a lock on the other side of the chest that I couldn’t see.
“Jevita.” Tasi warns, putting a hand on hers.
Jevita stops and fixes her with an annoyed stare. “This is important.”
Her other hand is still moving and she begins to pull some kind of black cloth from the bag. It looks really soft and even glitters in the morning sun.
“We don’t have time.” She nods back toward the city. “The duenna might send out scouts soon. We need to get moving.”
Jevita grits her teeth, but nods. She then begins to wrap the book in it.
I want to stop her, But before I can protest she interrupts.
“This will help keep it from falling apart anymore than it already has.” Once she’s done it goes in the chest and which is locked once again.
I don’t stop her. With how much it’s already been torn up I don’t want to risk losing more of it.
“What do we not have time for?” I ask. “Is it still okay if I travel with you all?”
“Yes, and I want you to help me translate the rest.” Jevita replies.
I pause, surprised. “Why? Can’t you do it?”
Jevita stands and stores the chest back in one of Lule’s side bags, then turns and gives me an annoyed look. “Obviously not. How and where did you even learn to read Amwellian?”
Thanks so much for reading!
Don't forget to rate and follow and even comment! Give me your warm fuzzies!!!
To read two chapters ahead, consider supporting me on Patreon.
Love,
Nevarii
