Chapter 109: Toxic Stress
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AARYN
Aaryn found himself just standing on the trail staring at the spot where she'd disappeared. He blinked and forced himself to move. But his stomach felt sick as he turned, not down the trail that Elreth had used, but towards the Tree City and his home. He had to make sure his mother was back and okay and… he needed help. Maybe he'd go looking for a wise-woman before he spoke with the disformed.
He couldn't shake the heavy feeling that had started with Elreth's censure of the elders, and increased when she'd shot that last question at him before she disappeared.
She didn't really believe that, did she? She was just angry and feeling uncertain… Well, regardless, he would reassure her when they spoke. He just prayed it wasn't a long time until they found each other. There was an ache in his chest at the idea of being apart from her—not in distance, but in heart.
It was worse than when they were close, but she hadn't loved him, if that was possible. This felt like she'd carved a hole in his middle and was walking around with it, while he frantically tried to stay close to her, but kept bleeding…
He shook his head. Mating and sleep deprivation was making him over-dramatic. That wasn't going to help anyone.
He would go see his mother, get her some food and then go find Elreth before he went to talk with the disformed.
And the wise-women.
But still kept an eye on his mom, too…
Blowing out a breath, his stomach tingling with stress, he started to jog. He needed to make sure his mother was okay.
"Mom?" he called when he got into the house, but the thick, oval shaped room of the hollowed trunk of the Great Tree was silent. "Mom?" he trotted up the stairs to her room and pushed the door open, bringing light and air with him into the stifling room. He heaved a sigh of relief when her small, prone form rolled over amidst the blankets and sheets on the bed.
Her hair was oily and tangled, and her eyes barely half open, but she looked at him, at least. "Aaryn? What's wrong? Oh, you had your meeting…"
She sounded exhausted, but she rolled full over and pushed herself up to sit, wrapping her arms around her knees. "How did it go?" she asked quietly.
"It'll be fine," he said shortly. "Where were you this morning? I was worried about you?"
"I went… out," she said, dropping her eyes to the bed. "I needed to be in the air and… I just went walking through the forest."
Walking? His mother had never been a walker. If anything, she was prone to hiding in their tree. Aaryn sighed.
"Mom… what's going on? What did they say the other night that hit you so hard? How can I help you?"
She smiled sadly, but he saw the tension in her. Her shoulders crept up around her ears while she spoke. "You can't do anything, Aaryn. I am only regretting my choices from years before you were even old enough to know about them. You will see, when you're a father… sometimes your children pay for your choices and… it hurts."
"But… Mom, I don't care what happened before. I just want you healthy and here now."
"I will be, Aaryn," she said, without conviction. "Stop worrying. You should be out there with Elreth. You two need to establish your bond now before you're under everyone's eyes. This whole thing is such a change for her and for the people. There's going to be a lot to navigate. You should be focused on that."
"Mom," he said, gaping. "I can't… I can't focus on that when you're here, like this. I'm worried about you."
Her brow pinched. "You shouldn't worry about me, Aaryn. I'm just… I will rest for a while, and then I'll get better."
"You're not even eating unless I bring you food, and then not nearly enough."
"I don't have any appetite."
Aaryn knew the feeling. "But that's not normal, Mom. Not for days. Please… let me help you."
"Aaryn, you can't," she said, more firmly than before. And she finally met his eyes, her own darkened with pain and weariness. "Please, don't put this on yourself. There's nothing you can do."
"But—"
"Please tell me about the meeting. I take it it didn't go well?"
Aaryn frowned at his hands. He wanted to keep pushing her, pleading with her to find something within herself that would bring her out of this. But he didn't want her to retreat from him even further. He shook his head, then raked a hand through his hair.
"It didn't go great," he admitted. "I think… I think we'll make some progress tomorrow. But right now Elreth is spitting mad, and the elders are all offended because she put them down. It was… it was kind of a mess."
"Because of you?"
He nodded. "Some of them are fine with it. A few even think it's a good idea. But a lot of them have concerns. And when someone said something a little insensitive, Elreth jumped on them all and shut them down. I wish she wouldn't have. They need to get their questions answered so they can help us. But… it was just a shitshow," he said.
"I'm sorry to hear that," she said then sighed and settled back down onto the bed. "But I'm sure you guys will handle it fine. I'm sure it will get better. You're a good male, Aaryn. Just like your dad. They'll see that eventually. Don't give up."
"Thanks, Mom."
There was an awkward silence where he wanted to scream at her not to go back to sleep, but her eyes were heavy and she sighed. "I'm just going to have a rest, okay? I'll see you at dinnertime. Bring me some more of that soup. I'll eat then, I promise."
Aaryn opened his mouth to argue about lunch, but he realized there was no point. Even if she agreed to try, she'd push it away after two mouthfuls.
So instead he pulled the quilt up over her an patted her hair. "I'll come back later," he said, low and afraid.
"Thank you, son. I love you."
"I love you, too, Mom." But the words were sour in his mouth. Not because they were untrue, but because they felt like a shackle around his neck, squeezing the air out of his throat.
How was he going to do this?
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AARYN
Aaryn found himself just standing on the trail staring at the spot where she'd disappeared. He blinked and forced himself to move. But his stomach felt sick as he turned, not down the trail that Elreth had used, but towards the Tree City and his home. He had to make sure his mother was back and okay and… he needed help. Maybe he'd go looking for a wise-woman before he spoke with the disformed.
He couldn't shake the heavy feeling that had started with Elreth's censure of the elders, and increased when she'd shot that last question at him before she disappeared.
She didn't really believe that, did she? She was just angry and feeling uncertain… Well, regardless, he would reassure her when they spoke. He just prayed it wasn't a long time until they found each other. There was an ache in his chest at the idea of being apart from her—not in distance, but in heart.
It was worse than when they were close, but she hadn't loved him, if that was possible. This felt like she'd carved a hole in his middle and was walking around with it, while he frantically tried to stay close to her, but kept bleeding…
He shook his head. Mating and sleep deprivation was making him over-dramatic. That wasn't going to help anyone.
He would go see his mother, get her some food and then go find Elreth before he went to talk with the disformed.
And the wise-women.
But still kept an eye on his mom, too…
Blowing out a breath, his stomach tingling with stress, he started to jog. He needed to make sure his mother was okay.
"Mom?" he called when he got into the house, but the thick, oval shaped room of the hollowed trunk of the Great Tree was silent. "Mom?" he trotted up the stairs to her room and pushed the door open, bringing light and air with him into the stifling room. He heaved a sigh of relief when her small, prone form rolled over amidst the blankets and sheets on the bed.
Her hair was oily and tangled, and her eyes barely half open, but she looked at him, at least. "Aaryn? What's wrong? Oh, you had your meeting…"
She sounded exhausted, but she rolled full over and pushed herself up to sit, wrapping her arms around her knees. "How did it go?" she asked quietly.
"It'll be fine," he said shortly. "Where were you this morning? I was worried about you?"
"I went… out," she said, dropping her eyes to the bed. "I needed to be in the air and… I just went walking through the forest."
Walking? His mother had never been a walker. If anything, she was prone to hiding in their tree. Aaryn sighed.
"Mom… what's going on? What did they say the other night that hit you so hard? How can I help you?"
She smiled sadly, but he saw the tension in her. Her shoulders crept up around her ears while she spoke. "You can't do anything, Aaryn. I am only regretting my choices from years before you were even old enough to know about them. You will see, when you're a father… sometimes your children pay for your choices and… it hurts."
"But… Mom, I don't care what happened before. I just want you healthy and here now."
"I will be, Aaryn," she said, without conviction. "Stop worrying. You should be out there with Elreth. You two need to establish your bond now before you're under everyone's eyes. This whole thing is such a change for her and for the people. There's going to be a lot to navigate. You should be focused on that."
"Mom," he said, gaping. "I can't… I can't focus on that when you're here, like this. I'm worried about you."
Her brow pinched. "You shouldn't worry about me, Aaryn. I'm just… I will rest for a while, and then I'll get better."
"You're not even eating unless I bring you food, and then not nearly enough."
"I don't have any appetite."
Aaryn knew the feeling. "But that's not normal, Mom. Not for days. Please… let me help you."
"Aaryn, you can't," she said, more firmly than before. And she finally met his eyes, her own darkened with pain and weariness. "Please, don't put this on yourself. There's nothing you can do."
"But—"
"Please tell me about the meeting. I take it it didn't go well?"
Aaryn frowned at his hands. He wanted to keep pushing her, pleading with her to find something within herself that would bring her out of this. But he didn't want her to retreat from him even further. He shook his head, then raked a hand through his hair.
"It didn't go great," he admitted. "I think… I think we'll make some progress tomorrow. But right now Elreth is spitting mad, and the elders are all offended because she put them down. It was… it was kind of a mess."
"Because of you?"
He nodded. "Some of them are fine with it. A few even think it's a good idea. But a lot of them have concerns. And when someone said something a little insensitive, Elreth jumped on them all and shut them down. I wish she wouldn't have. They need to get their questions answered so they can help us. But… it was just a shitshow," he said.
"I'm sorry to hear that," she said then sighed and settled back down onto the bed. "But I'm sure you guys will handle it fine. I'm sure it will get better. You're a good male, Aaryn. Just like your dad. They'll see that eventually. Don't give up."
"Thanks, Mom."
There was an awkward silence where he wanted to scream at her not to go back to sleep, but her eyes were heavy and she sighed. "I'm just going to have a rest, okay? I'll see you at dinnertime. Bring me some more of that soup. I'll eat then, I promise."
Aaryn opened his mouth to argue about lunch, but he realized there was no point. Even if she agreed to try, she'd push it away after two mouthfuls.
So instead he pulled the quilt up over her an patted her hair. "I'll come back later," he said, low and afraid.
"Thank you, son. I love you."
"I love you, too, Mom." But the words were sour in his mouth. Not because they were untrue, but because they felt like a shackle around his neck, squeezing the air out of his throat.
How was he going to do this?
AARYNAaryn found himself just standing on the trail staring at the spot where she'd disappeared. He blinked and forced himself to move. But his stomach felt sick as he turned, not down the trail that Elreth had used, but towards the Tree City and his home. He had to make sure his mother was back and okay and he needed help. Maybe he'd go looking for a wise-woman before he spoke with the disformed.He couldn't shake the heavy feeling that had started with Elreth's censure of the elders, and increased when she'd shot that last question at him before she disappeared.She didn't really believe that, did she? She was just angry and feeling uncertain Well, regardless, he would reassure her when they spoke. He just prayed it wasn't a long time until they found each other. There was an ache in his chest at the idea of being apart from hernot in distance, but in heart.It was worse than when they were close, but she hadn't loved him, if that was possible. This felt like she'd carved a hole in his middle and was walking around with it, while he frantically tried to stay close to her, but kept bleedingHe shook his head. Mating and sleep deprivation was making him over-dramatic. That wasn't going to help anyone.He would go see his mother, get her some food and then go find Elreth before he went to talk with the disformed.And the wise-women.But still kept an eye on his mom, tooBlowing out a breath, his stomach tingling with stress, he started to jog. He needed to make sure his mother was okay."Mom?" he called when he got into the house, but the thick, oval shaped room of the hollowed trunk of the Great Tree was silent. "Mom?" he trotted up the stairs to her room and pushed the door open, bringing light and air with him into the stifling room. He heaved a sigh of relief when her small, prone form rolled over amidst the blankets and sheets on the bed.Her hair was oily and tangled, and her eyes barely half open, but she looked at him, at least. "Aaryn? What's wrong? Oh, you had your meeting"She sounded exhausted, but she rolled full over and pushed herself up to sit, wrapping her arms around her knees. "How did it go?" she asked quietly."It'll be fine," he said shortly. "Where were you this morning? I was worried about you?""I went out," she said, dropping her eyes to the bed. "I needed to be in the air and I just went walking through the forest."Walking? His mother had never been a walker. If anything, she was prone to hiding in their tree. Aaryn sighed."Mom what's going on? What did they say the other night that hit you so hard? How can I help you?"She smiled sadly, but he saw the tension in her. Her shoulders crept up around her ears while she spoke. "You can't do anything, Aaryn. I am only regretting my choices from years before you were even old enough to know about them. You will see, when you're a father sometimes your children pay for your choices and it hurts.""But Mom, I don't care what happened before. I just want you healthy and here now.""I will be, Aaryn," she said, without conviction. "Stop worrying. You should be out there with Elreth. You two need to establish your bond now before you're under everyone's eyes. This whole thing is such a change for her and for the people. There's going to be a lot to navigate. You should be focused on that.""Mom," he said, gaping. "I can't I can't focus on that when you're here, like this. I'm worried about you."Her brow pinched. "You shouldn't worry about me, Aaryn. I'm just I will rest for a while, and then I'll get better.""You're not even eating unless I bring you food, and then not nearly enough.""I don't have any appetite."Aaryn knew the feeling. "But that's not normal, Mom. Not for days. Please let me help you.""Aaryn, you can't," she said, more firmly than before. And she finally met his eyes, her own darkened with pain and weariness. "Please, don't put this on yourself. There's nothing you can do.""But""Please tell me about the meeting. I take it it didn't go well?"Aaryn frowned at his hands. He wanted to keep pushing her, pleading with her to find something within herself that would bring her out of this. But he didn't want her to retreat from him even further. He shook his head, then raked a hand through his hair."It didn't go great," he admitted. "I think I think we'll make some progress tomorrow. But right now Elreth is spitting mad, and the elders are all offended because she put them down. It was it was kind of a mess.""Because of you?"He nodded. "Some of them are fine with it. A few even think it's a good idea. But a lot of them have concerns. And when someone said something a little insensitive, Elreth jumped on them all and shut them down. I wish she wouldn't have. They need to get their questions answered so they can help us. But it was just a shitshow," he said."I'm sorry to hear that," she said then sighed and settled back down onto the bed. "But I'm sure you guys will handle it fine. I'm sure it will get better. You're a good male, Aaryn. Just like your dad. They'll see that eventually. Don't give up.""Thanks, Mom."There was an awkward silence where he wanted to scream at her not to go back to sleep, but her eyes were heavy and she sighed. "I'm just going to have a rest, okay? I'll see you at dinnertime. Bring me some more of that soup. I'll eat then, I promise."Aaryn opened his mouth to argue about lunch, but he realized there was no point. Even if she agreed to try, she'd push it away after two mouthfuls.So instead he pulled the quilt up over her an patted her hair. "I'll come back later," he said, low and afraid."Thank you, son. I love you.""I love you, too, Mom." But the words were sour in his mouth. Not because they were untrue, but because they felt like a shackle around his neck, squeezing the air out of his throat.How was he going to do this?
