Chapter 86: Into The Dark
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AARYN
It was even worse than he'd thought.
His mother drank the water he brought her, but barely ate two bites of the sandwich. And even though she tried to make conversation when he sat with her, her eyes kept sliding closed. As soon as he stopped asking her questions, she settled back down on the pillow and slept.
His stomach went cold. It was his earliest days beginning again.
He hadn't realized how terrified he'd been in those days until now… now watching her relive it, and it was like he was seven again—desperate and terrified, and not knowing what to do except to keep feeding her and making her drink and… hoping.
She would do this all day—every day—barely waking except for the necessities. Then she would lay in the dark at night alone, crying, sometimes whispering as if she was having a conversation.
He'd often slept on the floor outside her door in those days in case she got up and was back and he could finally relax. She hadn't known he could hear her sobs—or her whispers. He'd thought back then that his father must appear to her. That because they were mated she must see his spirit. But he knew better now.
Her whispers were nothing more than the soft melody of a female losing her grasp on reality.
And it was happening again.
Aaryn sat on the edge of the bed, hands clawed into his hair, resting his elbows on his knees and tried to breathe, tried desperately to remember what had shifted, how she'd been drawn out of this last time. But it was so many years ago…
Then that glowing, tender light in his chest surged. He swallowed.
He needed his mate. Desperately. Needed her close. Needed her touch. Needed to know that he would not be alone in this again. Ever.
Please, Creator, may he never be alone again.
Hands shaking, he got to his feet and walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Because if he was going to leave her, he didn't want her to know. He didn't want her to wake. He knew she wouldn't leave, but he didn't want to her to fear that he'd left her either.
So, he crept across the landing to the stairs, then down the stairs that climbed the inside of the Great Tree where they lived, descending into the light downstairs where the windows were open and bright with the sun, skipping the step that had begun to creak, and praying that he'd be able to catch El alone somehow between meetings—
The front door creaked. "Hello? Delarys? Aaryn? Are you—"
Aaryn ran down the rest of the stairs, coming into view for Elreth, who startled, then looked relieved. "Your home! I'm so glad—"
"Shhhhh, please, Elreth. Be quiet," he rasped, darting across the floor to her and pulling her into his chest, burying his face in her neck and squeezing her tightly against him, his heart hammering with fear.
"Aaryn, what is it? What's wrong?" she said urgently, clinging to him, clearly sensing his desperation. She kept trying to pull his head back, away from her, so she could see him, her own voice becoming more frantic as she feared what had shaken him. "Aaryn, please? What's wrong? Are you hurt?"
"No," he whispered into her neck, then bracing himself, he straightened and met her wide, concerned eyes. She stroked at his hair, listening while he spoke. "It's happening again, El. Mom's… she's gone to bed. And she's not eating. And…"
Elreth's face crumpled. His mother hadn't been quite as bad by the time she'd met her—only staying in bed some days, though she was a hollow shell of the quiet but bright mother he'd known in his first few years. Elreth hadn't seen the worst of it, but they'd talked about it over the years a few times. She remembered enough to know how it impacted him—and she'd heard enough to know the fear he'd be feeling now. Her response was... perfect.
"What can I do? How can I help?"
He shook his head. His hands were trembling. He'd forgotten the sick hole that opened inside him whenever his mother retreated when he was a cub. But he remembered now because it was back, as if it had never left.
He cursed, hamstrung with confusion and fear and… seething rage. It burned in his throat and battered at his ribs.
This was supposed to be a happy time—he'd found his mate! Elreth had finally fallen in love with him! This should have been the happiest day he'd ever spent.
Instead, he was spiraling inside—terrified that his mother would get sick, terrified that El would leave or… what? He blinked and raked both hands through his hair, gripping his head, overwhelmed and…
And his mate slid her arms around his waist and pulled him close. "I'm here, Aaryn. Tell me how I can help you," she murmured.
He looked down to find her staring up at him, eyes and heart both wide open, just waiting to hear what he wanted. A breath he hadn't realized he was holding rushed out of him. He held her face and stared into her eyes, shaking his head. "I just need you," he said. "I was just going to leave—I shouldn't leave, but I was going to. I needed you. Needed to find you and hold you… I just need you, El."
"I'm here," she whispered, hands stroking his shoulders and his chest. "I'm here. You have me. You found me. I'm here. I'm not leaving."
He gathered her in, his breath shaking with every exhale. When he folded her under his chin, she clung as tightly as he did, her arms sliding around him and she stroked his back with tender fingers, laying soft kisses at his collarbone and throat.
And it didn't feel scary. And it didn't feel unsafe.
He sucked in and turned her chin up and took her mouth desperately, tongue flashing, lips hungry, tiny noises breaking in his throat.
She brought her hands up into his hair and pulled him to her, returning the kiss just as desperately as he gave it.
And his heart sang—it sang and cried in the same moment. He wasn't sure how. He only knew his prayers had been answered.
He wasn't alone.
And he was never going to be alone again.
*** PRIVILEGE SALE! ***
The new month has begun on WebNovel and you can now purchase 5 chapters of privilege for only 5 coins! Or up to 45 chapters to read in advance of their publication! Swipe right to bring up the chapter list, then scroll down to the orange button (app only.)
If you haven't purchased privilege before OR if you are re-subscribing for the first time, PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR NOTE BELOW TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE BUYING! Privilege is a complicated system and many readers get confused by it. I do my best to explain in this note:
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AARYN
It was even worse than he'd thought.
His mother drank the water he brought her, but barely ate two bites of the sandwich. And even though she tried to make conversation when he sat with her, her eyes kept sliding closed. As soon as he stopped asking her questions, she settled back down on the pillow and slept.
His stomach went cold. It was his earliest days beginning again.
He hadn't realized how terrified he'd been in those days until now… now watching her relive it, and it was like he was seven again—desperate and terrified, and not knowing what to do except to keep feeding her and making her drink and… hoping.
She would do this all day—every day—barely waking except for the necessities. Then she would lay in the dark at night alone, crying, sometimes whispering as if she was having a conversation.
He'd often slept on the floor outside her door in those days in case she got up and was back and he could finally relax. She hadn't known he could hear her sobs—or her whispers. He'd thought back then that his father must appear to her. That because they were mated she must see his spirit. But he knew better now.
Her whispers were nothing more than the soft melody of a female losing her grasp on reality.
And it was happening again.
Aaryn sat on the edge of the bed, hands clawed into his hair, resting his elbows on his knees and tried to breathe, tried desperately to remember what had shifted, how she'd been drawn out of this last time. But it was so many years ago…
Then that glowing, tender light in his chest surged. He swallowed.
He needed his mate. Desperately. Needed her close. Needed her touch. Needed to know that he would not be alone in this again. Ever.
Please, Creator, may he never be alone again.
Hands shaking, he got to his feet and walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Because if he was going to leave her, he didn't want her to know. He didn't want her to wake. He knew she wouldn't leave, but he didn't want to her to fear that he'd left her either.
So, he crept across the landing to the stairs, then down the stairs that climbed the inside of the Great Tree where they lived, descending into the light downstairs where the windows were open and bright with the sun, skipping the step that had begun to creak, and praying that he'd be able to catch El alone somehow between meetings—
The front door creaked. "Hello? Delarys? Aaryn? Are you—"
Aaryn ran down the rest of the stairs, coming into view for Elreth, who startled, then looked relieved. "Your home! I'm so glad—"
"Shhhhh, please, Elreth. Be quiet," he rasped, darting across the floor to her and pulling her into his chest, burying his face in her neck and squeezing her tightly against him, his heart hammering with fear.
"Aaryn, what is it? What's wrong?" she said urgently, clinging to him, clearly sensing his desperation. She kept trying to pull his head back, away from her, so she could see him, her own voice becoming more frantic as she feared what had shaken him. "Aaryn, please? What's wrong? Are you hurt?"
"No," he whispered into her neck, then bracing himself, he straightened and met her wide, concerned eyes. She stroked at his hair, listening while he spoke. "It's happening again, El. Mom's… she's gone to bed. And she's not eating. And…"
Elreth's face crumpled. His mother hadn't been quite as bad by the time she'd met her—only staying in bed some days, though she was a hollow shell of the quiet but bright mother he'd known in his first few years. Elreth hadn't seen the worst of it, but they'd talked about it over the years a few times. She remembered enough to know how it impacted him—and she'd heard enough to know the fear he'd be feeling now. Her response was... perfect.
"What can I do? How can I help?"
He shook his head. His hands were trembling. He'd forgotten the sick hole that opened inside him whenever his mother retreated when he was a cub. But he remembered now because it was back, as if it had never left.
He cursed, hamstrung with confusion and fear and… seething rage. It burned in his throat and battered at his ribs.
This was supposed to be a happy time—he'd found his mate! Elreth had finally fallen in love with him! This should have been the happiest day he'd ever spent.
Instead, he was spiraling inside—terrified that his mother would get sick, terrified that El would leave or… what? He blinked and raked both hands through his hair, gripping his head, overwhelmed and…
And his mate slid her arms around his waist and pulled him close. "I'm here, Aaryn. Tell me how I can help you," she murmured.
He looked down to find her staring up at him, eyes and heart both wide open, just waiting to hear what he wanted. A breath he hadn't realized he was holding rushed out of him. He held her face and stared into her eyes, shaking his head. "I just need you," he said. "I was just going to leave—I shouldn't leave, but I was going to. I needed you. Needed to find you and hold you… I just need you, El."
"I'm here," she whispered, hands stroking his shoulders and his chest. "I'm here. You have me. You found me. I'm here. I'm not leaving."
He gathered her in, his breath shaking with every exhale. When he folded her under his chin, she clung as tightly as he did, her arms sliding around him and she stroked his back with tender fingers, laying soft kisses at his collarbone and throat.
And it didn't feel scary. And it didn't feel unsafe.
He sucked in and turned her chin up and took her mouth desperately, tongue flashing, lips hungry, tiny noises breaking in his throat.
She brought her hands up into his hair and pulled him to her, returning the kiss just as desperately as he gave it.
And his heart sang—it sang and cried in the same moment. He wasn't sure how. He only knew his prayers had been answered.
He wasn't alone.
And he was never going to be alone again.
*** PRIVILEGE SALE! ***
The new month has begun on WebNovel and you can now purchase 5 chapters of privilege for only 5 coins! Or up to 45 chapters to read in advance of their publication! Swipe right to bring up the chapter list, then scroll down to the orange button (app only.)
If you haven't purchased privilege before OR if you are re-subscribing for the first time, PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR NOTE BELOW TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE BUYING! Privilege is a complicated system and many readers get confused by it. I do my best to explain in this note:
AARYNIt was even worse than he'd thought.His mother drank the water he brought her, but barely ate two bites of the sandwich. And even though she tried to make conversation when he sat with her, her eyes kept sliding closed. As soon as he stopped asking her questions, she settled back down on the pillow and slept.His stomach went cold. It was his earliest days beginning again.He hadn't realized how terrified he'd been in those days until now now watching her relive it, and it was like he was seven againdesperate and terrified, and not knowing what to do except to keep feeding her and making her drink and hoping.She would do this all dayevery daybarely waking except for the necessities. Then she would lay in the dark at night alone, crying, sometimes whispering as if she was having a conversation.He'd often slept on the floor outside her door in those days in case she got up and was back and he could finally relax. She hadn't known he could hear her sobsor her whispers. He'd thought back then that his father must appear to her. That because they were mated she must see his spirit. But he knew better now.Her whispers were nothing more than the soft melody of a female losing her grasp on reality.And it was happening again.Aaryn sat on the edge of the bed, hands clawed into his hair, resting his elbows on his knees and tried to breathe, tried desperately to remember what had shifted, how she'd been drawn out of this last time. But it was so many years agoThen that glowing, tender light in his chest surged. He swallowed.He needed his mate. Desperately. Needed her close. Needed her touch. Needed to know that he would not be alone in this again. Ever.Please, Creator, may he never be alone again.Hands shaking, he got to his feet and walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Because if he was going to leave her, he didn't want her to know. He didn't want her to wake. He knew she wouldn't leave, but he didn't want to her to fear that he'd left her either.So, he crept across the landing to the stairs, then down the stairs that climbed the inside of the Great Tree where they lived, descending into the light downstairs where the windows were open and bright with the sun, skipping the step that had begun to creak, and praying that he'd be able to catch El alone somehow between meetingsThe front door creaked. "Hello? Delarys? Aaryn? Are you"Aaryn ran down the rest of the stairs, coming into view for Elreth, who startled, then looked relieved. "Your home! I'm so glad""Shhhhh, please, Elreth. Be quiet," he rasped, darting across the floor to her and pulling her into his chest, burying his face in her neck and squeezing her tightly against him, his heart hammering with fear."Aaryn, what is it? What's wrong?" she said urgently, clinging to him, clearly sensing his desperation. She kept trying to pull his head back, away from her, so she could see him, her own voice becoming more frantic as she feared what had shaken him. "Aaryn, please? What's wrong? Are you hurt?""No," he whispered into her neck, then bracing himself, he straightened and met her wide, concerned eyes. She stroked at his hair, listening while he spoke. "It's happening again, El. Mom's she's gone to bed. And she's not eating. And"Elreth's face crumpled. His mother hadn't been quite as bad by the time she'd met heronly staying in bed some days, though she was a hollow shell of the quiet but bright mother he'd known in his first few years. Elreth hadn't seen the worst of it, but they'd talked about it over the years a few times. She remembered enough to know how it impacted himand she'd heard enough to know the fear he'd be feeling now. Her response was... perfect."What can I do? How can I help?"He shook his head. His hands were trembling. He'd forgotten the sick hole that opened inside him whenever his mother retreated when he was a cub. But he remembered now because it was back, as if it had never left.He cursed, hamstrung with confusion and fear and seething rage. It burned in his throat and battered at his ribs.This was supposed to be a happy timehe'd found his mate! Elreth had finally fallen in love with him! This should have been the happiest day he'd ever spent.Instead, he was spiraling insideterrified that his mother would get sick, terrified that El would leave or what? He blinked and raked both hands through his hair, gripping his head, overwhelmed andAnd his mate slid her arms around his waist and pulled him close. "I'm here, Aaryn. Tell me how I can help you," she murmured.He looked down to find her staring up at him, eyes and heart both wide open, just waiting to hear what he wanted. A breath he hadn't realized he was holding rushed out of him. He held her face and stared into her eyes, shaking his head. "I just need you," he said. "I was just going to leaveI shouldn't leave, but I was going to. I needed you. Needed to find you and hold you I just need you, El.""I'm here," she whispered, hands stroking his shoulders and his chest. "I'm here. You have me. You found me. I'm here. I'm not leaving."He gathered her in, his breath shaking with every exhale. When he folded her under his chin, she clung as tightly as he did, her arms sliding around him and she stroked his back with tender fingers, laying soft kisses at his collarbone and throat.And it didn't feel scary. And it didn't feel unsafe.He sucked in and turned her chin up and took her mouth desperately, tongue flashing, lips hungry, tiny noises breaking in his throat.She brought her hands up into his hair and pulled him to her, returning the kiss just as desperately as he gave it.And his heart sangit sang and cried in the same moment. He wasn't sure how. He only knew his prayers had been answered.He wasn't alone.And he was never going to be alone again.*** PRIVILEGE SALE! ***The new month has begun on WebNovel and you can now purchase 5 chapters of privilege for only 5 coins! Or up to 45 chapters to read in advance of their publication! Swipe right to bring up the chapter list, then scroll down to the orange button app only.If you haven't purchased privilege before OR if you are re-subscribing for the first time, PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR NOTE BELOW TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE BUYING! Privilege is a complicated system and many readers get confused by it. I do my best to explain in this note:
