Going to church had been a mistake. Not a large mistake but it had been hours by now and I was fucking exhausted.
The plan had been simple. Find a god or goddess to worship, receive great powers, maybe do a few sermons or try to convince people to join. You know, like a club or something. It was a simple, glorious plan to get superpowers. Hell, the town was still on the border of the human kingdom, so surely, the elven town would have ways to worship the human gods and goddesses too right?
Wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things. For starters, I vastly underestimated how popular, powerful, and practical an organization would be with actual real, provable deities behind it. I expected a pew, a big church, not a fucking compound. There was a big grand church like I expected, a place for worshippers to gather in pews and listen, but it was in the middle of the giant church compound. I saw a training yard, offices, homes, a god damn barracks, etc. It was less church and more military installation. The fact that it was clearly still a church only served to heighten my disconnection.
There were apparently smaller churches spread around the town, purely for gathering and worshipping, rather than joining the religion itself. After all, anyone can worship. It wasn’t the same thing as being granted powers. To do that you needed to properly join the church, apparently. Or at least, that was what I was told. I was still pretty damn sure I could just start offering up money to that God of Money or whatever the humans had and receive powers but whatever.
The next problem was simple, joining the church wasn’t an easy affair. They had training programs specifically for people like me, but they literally took years. On one hand, it wasn’t so bad. It was kinda like joining a sect, I realized, in the books I had read. You served the church in a few small ways, you got training and possibly even food and board depending, and over time you got superpowers. At least two even, because gods and goddesses were weird in this world like that.
But I didn’t want to spend literal years of my life tied down like that. Not to mention I found the whole thing a bit weird. There was clearly a, racial? Distinction between the churches. This was, specifically, the ‘Elven’ Church and they politely, but firmly, recommended I go to human territory if I want to join a ‘Human’ Church. Yeah, no, I like being alive. There were at least places to worship the human gods and goddesses and I got to see a few statues of them. That was interesting but besides there being a few absolutely beautiful looking deities I didn’t commit any of it to memory.
I was feeling kinda bummed out. All I wanted was quick and easy access to superpowers, with almost no effort given on my part. Why must the world be so unfair?!
Chuckling to myself, I stopped and thought about where to go next. There was a whole day ahead of me. Then my eyes lit up. I hadn’t eaten dinner and I had arrived late for breakfast. It was noon now and I hadn’t really eaten anything. Food! I could go and eat actual food. Not shitty travel rations, actual god damn food. Warm, hot, not burnt food. So I began to walk. I kept enough direction to at least find my way back to the inn, but otherwise, I just began to explore the town. It was a large town and it was fun to just walk through it. Most people were going about their day, heading to or from work. Wait… actually.
It struck me as weird. I didn’t realize what it was at first so I stepped off to the side and just people watched for a moment. It took a minute, but my brain finally registered what had struck me as odd.
The humans and the elves acted differently.
Both races were just walking but the elves seemed more… relaxed? Leisurely. I saw more than a few people just standing around and talking, or sitting at shops or in outside areas, some just making conversation with other people that happened to walk by. They seemed to just not have a single care in the world. Some of the humans were that way too but most of them seemed like they were busy or had somewhere to go.
It was like seeing a bunch of people with a day off versus a bunch of people that weren’t. Was there some kind of elven holiday going on?
I, slowly, approached a group of elves that were just sitting around and talking. I was curious after all. They saw my approach and the usual awe from me having horns and a tail was there, but they quickly smiled and pulled out a seat for me.
“Hey stranger,” An elderly looking elf said. That probably meant they were literally hundreds of years old. It was why I’d approached this group in particular, old people love to just relax and talk in particular. “What can we do for you?”
“I was just curious… is there some kind of Elven holiday going on right now?”
They all smirked at me. All three of them. I realized that there either was definitely a holiday going on, or I had just asked something ridiculous.
“So it seems even demons are plagued with chains huh?” An elderly female elf said.
“I- what?”
She chuckled before explaining.
“It’s not the first time we’ve heard that question. Lots of humans think we elves are on holiday all the time! It’s incredibly amusing. Tell us young one, why did you think we were?”
Ah, it was that kind of thing. Time to be led to an answer, like a puzzle. I smiled, this was going to be fun.
“Well, everyone seems so relaxed while the humans clearly aren’t. It’s not something you’d notice without seeing the groups side by side but well, here we are.”
She nodded to me, making a small gesture that another nearby elf saw. We were sitting outside a restaurant in a patio type of thing. I was excited to head in and get some food after this conversation.
“Think about it a bit further my dear. Why are most humans not relaxed?”
I blinked, focusing a little. Thinking to myself. That almost felt like a loaded question. I had an answer but then I thought about it a little more, trying to figure out the trap. This definitely felt like a ‘gotcha’ type of situation. Then I stopped trying to be smart and just went with the flow. Let the old people have their fun.
“The humans have stuff to do?”
She smiled, like a bear with honey.
“Humans have work to do. They need to do stuff, or so they think.”
My mouth gaped.
“Wait, no, you can’t be saying-”
“Elves don’t work, unless they want to.”
My worldview had been rocked. She continued speaking.
“What elf can’t just go live in the woods? What elf can’t grow their own home? Grow their own food? Take a few pieces of fruit and a tree and an elf will be just fine. Other elves? Why wouldn’t they go with them? The world is vast and land is plentiful. Clothes? Elves don’t care much for them but it’s not hard to grow them either. Weapons, walls, and so on? Perhaps then you’d finally need a little bit of money, to hire the right people, but friends and bonds exist. Setting up basic defenses. That’s to say nothing of mages or priests, each of which may join said community, making things vastly more safe and improved within a month or two’s time. This exact situation hasn’t just happened once or twice, but hundreds of times. If elves don’t like where we live, we’ll just leave and grow our own place!”
She smiled, like a cat that caught the canary.
“So, Elves don’t work, unless they want to.”
My mind reeled. The entire elven society just functioned with a so-so relationship to work and money? What?
“What about, I don’t know, taxes? From the government?”
Suddenly, her happy face snorted with disdain.
“A human and dwarven concept. Government protects people or they aren’t a government. Most certainly not mine. Elves don’t pay taxes. Guards and builders get paid by the city, city is paid by the government, government trades and sells with other governments. Everyone else figures their own way out.”
No, this, this economic model couldn’t possibly work. But I felt like I was grasping at straws now.
“But… what about… rent? Food?”
She rolled her eyes.
“Too much wax in your ears. Elves can grow their own food and their own homes. Nothing at all is stopping an elf from making their own home right outside a town’s walls. It’s how most villages eventually became cities. There are homes pre-made you can buy and places that do rent, but it’s not necessary.”
I looked back around at the elves walking around, not a care in the world, spending most of their time however they please. I imagined this on a grand scale, scattered throughout. Elves. Millions? Hundreds of millions? More? Just doing whatever they please every day.
“Oh my god. None of you have any jobs.”
I turned back around to the elves, who were smiling at me brightly.
“‘Work’. A perfectly fine concept, that humans and especially dwarves love too much. Nothing is stopping either races from doing the same as elves. It’s just not in their blood. Too in love with governmental structure. Well, the humans are. For Dwarves, not having something to do is almost anathema to them. Now dear, let’s eat.”
I turned to my right, where a waiter with four plates was carrying food for us. A hearty meal that looked like ribs was placed down in front of me.
“But… I didn’t order anything yet.”
The three old elves chuckled.
“For the pleasant conversation. Go ahead, rich or poor, it costs us far less than you. Don’t be rude, it’s impolite to not eat while everyone else is.”
She began to dig into her own food, giving a nod my way. Well… I didn’t want to be rude. I smiled and the ribs… I don’t care what creature it came from, I would worship it forever. It’s glorious soul would be far more deserving than any god or goddess. The meat tasted delicious. It practically melted in my mouth but not like butter, but like my whole body was absorbing it somehow. I practically let out a moan as I couldn’t resist and began to devour the meat. It was hearty, spiced in ways I couldn’t comprehend, and sent my whole mouth into overdrive. It was, without compare, the best thing I had ever eaten in my whole life. I could die and go to heaven and if I could eat just two of these, I’d probably kill myself to reach there now. I didn’t, I didn’t know food could taste this good. Tears literally streamed down my face.
The best part, the absolute best part, wasn’t even just eating it. No, it was the absolute fullness I felt from just a few bites. Even as I ripped and tore into it, hands getting coated in sauce, I began to not just feel full but content. Like my body was utterly satiated and would be for a long time to come, as my stomach itself practically sang from the food inside it.
When I finally finished, and the meat was gone, I did not want more. Not because I didn’t want more, it was amazing, but because I was totally, completely, full and satisfied. I felt like my body had been reborn from that meal. And then, to my shock, it felt like the memory of the taste itself began to fade away, leaving me with only the impression that it was delicious. Delicious in a way that made me smile in joy but didn’t make me lust after it like a wild crazed beast.
“What… was that…”
“Magical cooking.”
I looked back at the three old elves, smiling warmly at me. Even the waiter who had brought the food was standing, smiling at me. Part of me felt embarrassed, but most of me just felt good. That had been, I hadn’t even known magical cooking was a thing. And if it wasn’t for the weird memory effect, I’d say I literally couldn’t live without it.
The old lady who’d done most of the talking chuckled.
“Not working, let’s you focus on more interesting activities. You’ll find most of us old bones have a few tricks up our sleeves. Glad you enjoyed my food.”
Wait, what.
“Your food?”
She laughed again, before an identical looking woman walked forward, apron on. She snapped and the woman I had been talking to vanished. The other elves didn’t look surprised, just looking back at the old woman. But… no… she had been eating! How was that possible?!
I looked toward the woman in shock, who only laughed loudly at me.
“Like I said, us old bones have a few tricks up our sleeves. Name’s Discintia, yours?”
Even with my jaw dropped, I still managed to respond to the clearly magic woman.
“Derek.”
And like that, our conversation continued. The woman eventually made a new clone of herself, who grabbed the apron and went to go cook. I wasn’t sure which was the real one… or if there even was a real one. No one said she couldn’t just disappear either one of herselves. Our conversation afterwards was light and airy and I learned the two other elves names, Rhilinth and Rhilick. Brothers, as it turns out. We talked about nothing much, asking me about my adventurers. I answered where I could, keeping things vague but they didn’t mind. They told me about some of their ‘youthful adventures’ and I would have cried bullshit if we weren’t in a magical fantasy world. When one of them said they had once been turned into a cat my heart skipped a beat. The conversation continued but my thoughts were lost at that one mention. That singular sentence had me grinding to a halt. If that was possible… hell, I had just seen someone clone themselves… then…
“Derek?” a worried voice reached me.
I looked up at three people and for a moment, I was smacked by the moment. These utter strangers, I had just met, made me feel more welcome and at home than my ‘companions’ who I’d traveled with for weeks. It’s not that I hated my companions.
They just sucked.
Riary probably still hated me at least a bit, Konohora had clear allegiance to the other two and couldn’t be completely trusted or confided in despite it feeling like she could, and Tyler was a bit naive in a way that grated on me every so often.
Good, fine people, overall. I didn’t hate them. But they weren’t my friends. I pulled myself back to the conversation at hand, realizing I had a wealth in front of me I shouldn’t squander.
“Discintia… I have a personal goal. It’s, well, I hope you guys can be understanding. There’s a potion I’m looking for. It…”
As I continued talking and received information in return, I felt my heart lighten. Today had literally been magical so far. From the mundane to the extraordinary, I was happy with both. The way the plant like buildings grew, to the economic way things worked, to the magic food, I was happy with it all. This, this was exactly what I wanted. To explore and see and meet and interact with things that blew my brain away. New experiences, new adventures.
I felt my hearten lighten in a way it just hadn’t been able to. My desires, my goals, they had moved from ‘Impossible’ to ‘maybe’ but now?
Now they were only a matter of time.
Going to church had been a mistake. Not a large mistake but it had been hours by now and I was fucking exhausted.
The plan had been simple. Find a god or goddess to worship, receive great powers, maybe do a few sermons or try to convince people to join. You know, like a club or something. It was a simple, glorious plan to get superpowers. Hell, the town was still on the border of the human kingdom, so surely, the elven town would have ways to worship the human gods and goddesses too right?
Wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things. For starters, I vastly underestimated how popular, powerful, and practical an organization would be with actual real, provable deities behind it. I expected a pew, a big church, not a fucking compound. There was a big grand church like I expected, a place for worshippers to gather in pews and listen, but it was in the middle of the giant church compound. I saw a training yard, offices, homes, a god damn barracks, etc. It was less church and more military installation. The fact that it was clearly still a church only served to heighten my disconnection.
There were apparently smaller churches spread around the town, purely for gathering and worshipping, rather than joining the religion itself. After all, anyone can worship. It wasn’t the same thing as being granted powers. To do that you needed to properly join the church, apparently. Or at least, that was what I was told. I was still pretty damn sure I could just start offering up money to that God of Money or whatever the humans had and receive powers but whatever.
The next problem was simple, joining the church wasn’t an easy affair. They had training programs specifically for people like me, but they literally took years. On one hand, it wasn’t so bad. It was kinda like joining a sect, I realized, in the books I had read. You served the church in a few small ways, you got training and possibly even food and board depending, and over time you got superpowers. At least two even, because gods and goddesses were weird in this world like that.
But I didn’t want to spend literal years of my life tied down like that. Not to mention I found the whole thing a bit weird. There was clearly a, racial? Distinction between the churches. This was, specifically, the ‘Elven’ Church and they politely, but firmly, recommended I go to human territory if I want to join a ‘Human’ Church. Yeah, no, I like being alive. There were at least places to worship the human gods and goddesses and I got to see a few statues of them. That was interesting but besides there being a few absolutely beautiful looking deities I didn’t commit any of it to memory.
I was feeling kinda bummed out. All I wanted was quick and easy access to superpowers, with almost no effort given on my part. Why must the world be so unfair?!
Chuckling to myself, I stopped and thought about where to go next. There was a whole day ahead of me. Then my eyes lit up. I hadn’t eaten dinner and I had arrived late for breakfast. It was noon now and I hadn’t really eaten anything. Food! I could go and eat actual food. Not shitty travel rations, actual god damn food. Warm, hot, not burnt food. So I began to walk. I kept enough direction to at least find my way back to the inn, but otherwise, I just began to explore the town. It was a large town and it was fun to just walk through it. Most people were going about their day, heading to or from work. Wait… actually.
It struck me as weird. I didn’t realize what it was at first so I stepped off to the side and just people watched for a moment. It took a minute, but my brain finally registered what had struck me as odd.
The humans and the elves acted differently.
Both races were just walking but the elves seemed more… relaxed? Leisurely. I saw more than a few people just standing around and talking, or sitting at shops or in outside areas, some just making conversation with other people that happened to walk by. They seemed to just not have a single care in the world. Some of the humans were that way too but most of them seemed like they were busy or had somewhere to go.
It was like seeing a bunch of people with a day off versus a bunch of people that weren’t. Was there some kind of elven holiday going on?
I, slowly, approached a group of elves that were just sitting around and talking. I was curious after all. They saw my approach and the usual awe from me having horns and a tail was there, but they quickly smiled and pulled out a seat for me.
“Hey stranger,” An elderly looking elf said. That probably meant they were literally hundreds of years old. It was why I’d approached this group in particular, old people love to just relax and talk in particular. “What can we do for you?”
“I was just curious… is there some kind of Elven holiday going on right now?”
They all smirked at me. All three of them. I realized that there either was definitely a holiday going on, or I had just asked something ridiculous.
“So it seems even demons are plagued with chains huh?” An elderly female elf said.
“I- what?”
She chuckled before explaining.
“It’s not the first time we’ve heard that question. Lots of humans think we elves are on holiday all the time! It’s incredibly amusing. Tell us young one, why did you think we were?”
Ah, it was that kind of thing. Time to be led to an answer, like a puzzle. I smiled, this was going to be fun.
“Well, everyone seems so relaxed while the humans clearly aren’t. It’s not something you’d notice without seeing the groups side by side but well, here we are.”
She nodded to me, making a small gesture that another nearby elf saw. We were sitting outside a restaurant in a patio type of thing. I was excited to head in and get some food after this conversation.
“Think about it a bit further my dear. Why are most humans not relaxed?”
I blinked, focusing a little. Thinking to myself. That almost felt like a loaded question. I had an answer but then I thought about it a little more, trying to figure out the trap. This definitely felt like a ‘gotcha’ type of situation. Then I stopped trying to be smart and just went with the flow. Let the old people have their fun.
“The humans have stuff to do?”
She smiled, like a bear with honey.
“Humans have work to do. They need to do stuff, or so they think.”
My mouth gaped.
“Wait, no, you can’t be saying-”
“Elves don’t work, unless they want to.”
My worldview had been rocked. She continued speaking.
“What elf can’t just go live in the woods? What elf can’t grow their own home? Grow their own food? Take a few pieces of fruit and a tree and an elf will be just fine. Other elves? Why wouldn’t they go with them? The world is vast and land is plentiful. Clothes? Elves don’t care much for them but it’s not hard to grow them either. Weapons, walls, and so on? Perhaps then you’d finally need a little bit of money, to hire the right people, but friends and bonds exist. Setting up basic defenses. That’s to say nothing of mages or priests, each of which may join said community, making things vastly more safe and improved within a month or two’s time. This exact situation hasn’t just happened once or twice, but hundreds of times. If elves don’t like where we live, we’ll just leave and grow our own place!”
She smiled, like a cat that caught the canary.
“So, Elves don’t work, unless they want to.”
My mind reeled. The entire elven society just functioned with a so-so relationship to work and money? What?
“What about, I don’t know, taxes? From the government?”
Suddenly, her happy face snorted with disdain.
“A human and dwarven concept. Government protects people or they aren’t a government. Most certainly not mine. Elves don’t pay taxes. Guards and builders get paid by the city, city is paid by the government, government trades and sells with other governments. Everyone else figures their own way out.”
No, this, this economic model couldn’t possibly work. But I felt like I was grasping at straws now.
“But… what about… rent? Food?”
She rolled her eyes.
“Too much wax in your ears. Elves can grow their own food and their own homes. Nothing at all is stopping an elf from making their own home right outside a town’s walls. It’s how most villages eventually became cities. There are homes pre-made you can buy and places that do rent, but it’s not necessary.”
I looked back around at the elves walking around, not a care in the world, spending most of their time however they please. I imagined this on a grand scale, scattered throughout. Elves. Millions? Hundreds of millions? More? Just doing whatever they please every day.
“Oh my god. None of you have any jobs.”
I turned back around to the elves, who were smiling at me brightly.
“‘Work’. A perfectly fine concept, that humans and especially dwarves love too much. Nothing is stopping either races from doing the same as elves. It’s just not in their blood. Too in love with governmental structure. Well, the humans are. For Dwarves, not having something to do is almost anathema to them. Now dear, let’s eat.”
I turned to my right, where a waiter with four plates was carrying food for us. A hearty meal that looked like ribs was placed down in front of me.
“But… I didn’t order anything yet.”
The three old elves chuckled.
“For the pleasant conversation. Go ahead, rich or poor, it costs us far less than you. Don’t be rude, it’s impolite to not eat while everyone else is.”
She began to dig into her own food, giving a nod my way. Well… I didn’t want to be rude. I smiled and the ribs… I don’t care what creature it came from, I would worship it forever. It’s glorious soul would be far more deserving than any god or goddess. The meat tasted delicious. It practically melted in my mouth but not like butter, but like my whole body was absorbing it somehow. I practically let out a moan as I couldn’t resist and began to devour the meat. It was hearty, spiced in ways I couldn’t comprehend, and sent my whole mouth into overdrive. It was, without compare, the best thing I had ever eaten in my whole life. I could die and go to heaven and if I could eat just two of these, I’d probably kill myself to reach there now. I didn’t, I didn’t know food could taste this good. Tears literally streamed down my face.
The best part, the absolute best part, wasn’t even just eating it. No, it was the absolute fullness I felt from just a few bites. Even as I ripped and tore into it, hands getting coated in sauce, I began to not just feel full but content. Like my body was utterly satiated and would be for a long time to come, as my stomach itself practically sang from the food inside it.
When I finally finished, and the meat was gone, I did not want more. Not because I didn’t want more, it was amazing, but because I was totally, completely, full and satisfied. I felt like my body had been reborn from that meal. And then, to my shock, it felt like the memory of the taste itself began to fade away, leaving me with only the impression that it was delicious. Delicious in a way that made me smile in joy but didn’t make me lust after it like a wild crazed beast.
“What… was that…”
“Magical cooking.”
I looked back at the three old elves, smiling warmly at me. Even the waiter who had brought the food was standing, smiling at me. Part of me felt embarrassed, but most of me just felt good. That had been, I hadn’t even known magical cooking was a thing. And if it wasn’t for the weird memory effect, I’d say I literally couldn’t live without it.
The old lady who’d done most of the talking chuckled.
“Not working, let’s you focus on more interesting activities. You’ll find most of us old bones have a few tricks up our sleeves. Glad you enjoyed my food.”
Wait, what.
“Your food?”
She laughed again, before an identical looking woman walked forward, apron on. She snapped and the woman I had been talking to vanished. The other elves didn’t look surprised, just looking back at the old woman. But… no… she had been eating! How was that possible?!
I looked toward the woman in shock, who only laughed loudly at me.
“Like I said, us old bones have a few tricks up our sleeves. Name’s Discintia, yours?”
Even with my jaw dropped, I still managed to respond to the clearly magic woman.
“Derek.”
And like that, our conversation continued. The woman eventually made a new clone of herself, who grabbed the apron and went to go cook. I wasn’t sure which was the real one… or if there even was a real one. No one said she couldn’t just disappear either one of herselves. Our conversation afterwards was light and airy and I learned the two other elves names, Rhilinth and Rhilick. Brothers, as it turns out. We talked about nothing much, asking me about my adventurers. I answered where I could, keeping things vague but they didn’t mind. They told me about some of their ‘youthful adventures’ and I would have cried bullshit if we weren’t in a magical fantasy world. When one of them said they had once been turned into a cat my heart skipped a beat. The conversation continued but my thoughts were lost at that one mention. That singular sentence had me grinding to a halt. If that was possible… hell, I had just seen someone clone themselves… then…
“Derek?” a worried voice reached me.
I looked up at three people and for a moment, I was smacked by the moment. These utter strangers, I had just met, made me feel more welcome and at home than my ‘companions’ who I’d traveled with for weeks. It’s not that I hated my companions.
They just sucked.
Riary probably still hated me at least a bit, Konohora had clear allegiance to the other two and couldn’t be completely trusted or confided in despite it feeling like she could, and Tyler was a bit naive in a way that grated on me every so often.
Good, fine people, overall. I didn’t hate them. But they weren’t my friends. I pulled myself back to the conversation at hand, realizing I had a wealth in front of me I shouldn’t squander.
“Discintia… I have a personal goal. It’s, well, I hope you guys can be understanding. There’s a potion I’m looking for. It…”
As I continued talking and received information in return, I felt my heart lighten. Today had literally been magical so far. From the mundane to the extraordinary, I was happy with both. The way the plant like buildings grew, to the economic way things worked, to the magic food, I was happy with it all. This, this was exactly what I wanted. To explore and see and meet and interact with things that blew my brain away. New experiences, new adventures.
I felt my hearten lighten in a way it just hadn’t been able to. My desires, my goals, they had moved from ‘Impossible’ to ‘maybe’ but now?
Now they were only a matter of time.
