Chapter 359: The thoughts to be conveyed, the thoughts not to be conveyed, part 28 - from Aldrius' notes
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But his notes are gradually transformed from there to that of the madman. The appearance remains unchanged. But obviously, Aldrius was about to go crazy. Or maybe he was being eroded by some kind of disease. Aldrius realized it, and when he was about to go crazy, he was leaving the house with a proper excuse.
Speaking of Alphilis, are you unaware of such a thing? I'm sure he believes Aldrius as absolute, not dull. Alphilis actually has some memory back. I generally remember that I was raped, and I know that it was my real parents who sold themselves to the Magic Church. Not everything, of course, and especially occasions when I met Aldrius, was as good as I first knew from his mouth. He just seems to remember being unilaterally hit and stunned, and there is still a description of Aldrius being questioned about it. But that's why she was putting more trust in Aldrius. Is it a fact that for Alphilis, Aldrius' death, while feeling the visit, does not want to admit it?
Because of that, gradually their lives were beginning to show a glitch. No, I guess it was a change to be visited eventually because it's human life. Because Alphilis wasn't even in such a lovely temperament that he stayed in one place from birth to death.
And sometimes it's spring when Alphilis turns 16. After completing Alphilis' adult celebration, Aldrius told Alphilis that his life expectancy was near. Aldrius spoke the word as pale as possible, and Alphilis listened with the most faceless expression possible. Maybe that's why their lives were about to come to an end. When we realized each other about it, Aldrius was about to lose his normal judgment.
"Day 1 of the Green Sprouting Moon
The season is as I noted, but the guy named Destiny is, by the way, ironic. I have 20 days left. But the time came to enter the moon where the green sprouts with today. How hateful it is that my life will be lost in this month when the earth is filled with the most activity of life in a year. I guess fate doesn't like me. He seems to be a man who can't be blessed with the earth no matter what, I am.
I want to leave this statement as my head works properly. At first I was hesitant if I should write, but only here I honestly wanted to write everything down. Otherwise, the handwriting makes no sense. When you start lying to yourself, you will lose even the meaning of being alive.
By the way, what was I trying to do earlier? I seriously thought I didn't want to die here. How foolish and loathsome that you didn't like to get immortality under Stervese so much, but now you don't want to die.
But I can't rely on Stelvese right now. I guess she still looks down on this earth at the summit of Pilebos. Would you look at me too? But she never goes down the mountain for me. That's such a woman. If she were to descend the mountain, it would only be when the fate of this continent moves.
So I gave up on living. I can't even hope to regenerate in this body anymore. That's why until earlier I was captured by horrible paranoia. I was trying to get the quickest way. In front of me is an old woman. I tried to leave my living proof in the Alphilis that I raised like a daughter, no matter what. What a lousy thought circuit and desire.
In fact, I planted sleeping pills in the alphilis evening (yuzu). She also has some knowledge of poisons, but she has no doubt about me. She mouthed the meal for nothing. And he exposed himself to defenseless sleep in front of me.
When I turned the light off, I put my hands on her clothes. I didn't have to turn it off because there's nobody there anyway, such as the lights, but did the darkness behind me make you do that? But the darkness behind it also blew away so quickly that my heart exalted when I touched Alphilis.
That's not just excitement as a man. Sure, Alphilis is trying to be the owner of a beautiful and abundant body, but I held it like a mountain in a taram, such as a beautiful woman, and in beauty compared to a muse, Alphilis still doesn't extend. I haven't had a hand in the muse most of all, but that was for viewing, and that's what made me happy. More than physical pleasure, however, I still seem to be in the nature of seeking spiritual fullness such as "trapping". I guess that's why I try to ask for Alphilis because I instinctively know that poisoning her will make her permanently incapable of leaving me. I wore only Alphilis' clothes.
Where Alphilis' skin was exposed, my hands clumped together. The light of the moon reflected on the cheeks of Alphilis. Is it conscious? More than that, suddenly guilt was on my neck.
Would I have stopped for a moment as it was? The light of the moon was shining unchanged, so maybe it was actually a moment. The point is that I felt that long. I undone Alphilis' clothes and put her to bed properly. That's when Alphilis woke up. Those brown eyes just turned to me. I glanced back at those eyes reflexively. That was the eye I remember seeing back in the day.
"Long time no see."
"Oh, you got it all figured out."
"Alpha Reese doesn't have those eyes."
"'Mine' not missing?
"With that word on, you're done with a man named me."
To my answer, someone who speaks of Alphilis laughed niggardly.
"You know perfectly well. Surely it's over in many ways."
"Oh. I think I kind of figured out the meaning of the old woman's words now. I couldn't beat my desire. Apparently, I could have been human."
"Human beings, even human beings, are truly lowlifes. If you'd lost your desire as it were, you'd have talked fast."
"What do you mean?
"Come on?"
Something like Alphilis gave me a shady grin. Its filthy mouth moves.
"If you were a bastard, wouldn't you have preferred the Demon King?
"Admittedly, that's exciting, too. But more than that, I'm relieved."
"Hmm?"
I replied calmly to someone with a challenging grin.
"Even I, such a bastard, could meet someone who I cherished and wanted to protect. That's all I'm satisfied with."
"Really? Don't lie to me."
The one who looks like Alphilis laughs, like a little fool at my answer.
"Why did you say it was a lie?
"Surely there is truth in your words. You realize yourself not even satisfied with your status as God, and you realize that you have your own happiness besides your status, honor, and power. That's good. Wow. But still, you've never been attracted to such power. And people who will be able to make just the effort to get it. I mean, it's greedy, gracious, stupid. Including your sexuality."
"... what are you trying to say?
Somewhat bewildered me, the man tells.
"It means knowing yourself better. You're still not satisfied as you are, I'm sure."
"No! That's not true"
"The answer will be right out. But, or..."
The woman tried to whine about something and still stopped right away. I thought about listening, but she was about to lose consciousness gradually and her presence was getting thinner. Apparently, it's not free to manifest itself. Or maybe he came out forced. Then what do you want to tell me until I can't? Such a question arises in my chest, but I could not finally ask the answer.
And Alphilis fell asleep again. All I could do was stare at that sleeping face.
Continued
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But his notes are gradually transformed from there to that of the madman. The appearance remains unchanged. But obviously, Aldrius was about to go crazy. Or maybe he was being eroded by some kind of disease. Aldrius realized it, and when he was about to go crazy, he was leaving the house with a proper excuse.
Speaking of Alphilis, are you unaware of such a thing? I'm sure he believes Aldrius as absolute, not dull. Alphilis actually has some memory back. I generally remember that I was raped, and I know that it was my real parents who sold themselves to the Magic Church. Not everything, of course, and especially occasions when I met Aldrius, was as good as I first knew from his mouth. He just seems to remember being unilaterally hit and stunned, and there is still a description of Aldrius being questioned about it. But that's why she was putting more trust in Aldrius. Is it a fact that for Alphilis, Aldrius' death, while feeling the visit, does not want to admit it?
Because of that, gradually their lives were beginning to show a glitch. No, I guess it was a change to be visited eventually because it's human life. Because Alphilis wasn't even in such a lovely temperament that he stayed in one place from birth to death.
And sometimes it's spring when Alphilis turns 16. After completing Alphilis' adult celebration, Aldrius told Alphilis that his life expectancy was near. Aldrius spoke the word as pale as possible, and Alphilis listened with the most faceless expression possible. Maybe that's why their lives were about to come to an end. When we realized each other about it, Aldrius was about to lose his normal judgment.
"Day 1 of the Green Sprouting Moon
The season is as I noted, but the guy named Destiny is, by the way, ironic. I have 20 days left. But the time came to enter the moon where the green sprouts with today. How hateful it is that my life will be lost in this month when the earth is filled with the most activity of life in a year. I guess fate doesn't like me. He seems to be a man who can't be blessed with the earth no matter what, I am.
I want to leave this statement as my head works properly. At first I was hesitant if I should write, but only here I honestly wanted to write everything down. Otherwise, the handwriting makes no sense. When you start lying to yourself, you will lose even the meaning of being alive.
By the way, what was I trying to do earlier? I seriously thought I didn't want to die here. How foolish and loathsome that you didn't like to get immortality under Stervese so much, but now you don't want to die.
But I can't rely on Stelvese right now. I guess she still looks down on this earth at the summit of Pilebos. Would you look at me too? But she never goes down the mountain for me. That's such a woman. If she were to descend the mountain, it would only be when the fate of this continent moves.
So I gave up on living. I can't even hope to regenerate in this body anymore. That's why until earlier I was captured by horrible paranoia. I was trying to get the quickest way. In front of me is an old woman. I tried to leave my living proof in the Alphilis that I raised like a daughter, no matter what. What a lousy thought circuit and desire.
In fact, I planted sleeping pills in the alphilis evening (yuzu). She also has some knowledge of poisons, but she has no doubt about me. She mouthed the meal for nothing. And he exposed himself to defenseless sleep in front of me.
When I turned the light off, I put my hands on her clothes. I didn't have to turn it off because there's nobody there anyway, such as the lights, but did the darkness behind me make you do that? But the darkness behind it also blew away so quickly that my heart exalted when I touched Alphilis.
That's not just excitement as a man. Sure, Alphilis is trying to be the owner of a beautiful and abundant body, but I held it like a mountain in a taram, such as a beautiful woman, and in beauty compared to a muse, Alphilis still doesn't extend. I haven't had a hand in the muse most of all, but that was for viewing, and that's what made me happy. More than physical pleasure, however, I still seem to be in the nature of seeking spiritual fullness such as "trapping". I guess that's why I try to ask for Alphilis because I instinctively know that poisoning her will make her permanently incapable of leaving me. I wore only Alphilis' clothes.
Where Alphilis' skin was exposed, my hands clumped together. The light of the moon reflected on the cheeks of Alphilis. Is it conscious? More than that, suddenly guilt was on my neck.
Would I have stopped for a moment as it was? The light of the moon was shining unchanged, so maybe it was actually a moment. The point is that I felt that long. I undone Alphilis' clothes and put her to bed properly. That's when Alphilis woke up. Those brown eyes just turned to me. I glanced back at those eyes reflexively. That was the eye I remember seeing back in the day.
"Long time no see."
"Oh, you got it all figured out."
"Alpha Reese doesn't have those eyes."
"'Mine' not missing?
"With that word on, you're done with a man named me."
To my answer, someone who speaks of Alphilis laughed niggardly.
"You know perfectly well. Surely it's over in many ways."
"Oh. I think I kind of figured out the meaning of the old woman's words now. I couldn't beat my desire. Apparently, I could have been human."
"Human beings, even human beings, are truly lowlifes. If you'd lost your desire as it were, you'd have talked fast."
"What do you mean?
"Come on?"
Something like Alphilis gave me a shady grin. Its filthy mouth moves.
"If you were a bastard, wouldn't you have preferred the Demon King?
"Admittedly, that's exciting, too. But more than that, I'm relieved."
"Hmm?"
I replied calmly to someone with a challenging grin.
"Even I, such a bastard, could meet someone who I cherished and wanted to protect. That's all I'm satisfied with."
"Really? Don't lie to me."
The one who looks like Alphilis laughs, like a little fool at my answer.
"Why did you say it was a lie?
"Surely there is truth in your words. You realize yourself not even satisfied with your status as God, and you realize that you have your own happiness besides your status, honor, and power. That's good. Wow. But still, you've never been attracted to such power. And people who will be able to make just the effort to get it. I mean, it's greedy, gracious, stupid. Including your sexuality."
"... what are you trying to say?
Somewhat bewildered me, the man tells.
"It means knowing yourself better. You're still not satisfied as you are, I'm sure."
"No! That's not true"
"The answer will be right out. But, or..."
The woman tried to whine about something and still stopped right away. I thought about listening, but she was about to lose consciousness gradually and her presence was getting thinner. Apparently, it's not free to manifest itself. Or maybe he came out forced. Then what do you want to tell me until I can't? Such a question arises in my chest, but I could not finally ask the answer.
And Alphilis fell asleep again. All I could do was stare at that sleeping face.
Continued
But his notes are gradually transformed from there to that of the madman. The appearance remains unchanged. But obviously, Aldrius was about to go crazy. Or maybe he was being eroded by some kind of disease. Aldrius realized it, and when he was about to go crazy, he was leaving the house with a proper excuse.Speaking of Alphilis, are you unaware of such a thing? I'm sure he believes Aldrius as absolute, not dull. Alphilis actually has some memory back. I generally remember that I was raped, and I know that it was my real parents who sold themselves to the Magic Church. Not everything, of course, and especially occasions when I met Aldrius, was as good as I first knew from his mouth. He just seems to remember being unilaterally hit and stunned, and there is still a description of Aldrius being questioned about it. But that's why she was putting more trust in Aldrius. Is it a fact that for Alphilis, Aldrius' death, while feeling the visit, does not want to admit it?Because of that, gradually their lives were beginning to show a glitch. No, I guess it was a change to be visited eventually because it's human life. Because Alphilis wasn't even in such a lovely temperament that he stayed in one place from birth to death.And sometimes it's spring when Alphilis turns 16. After completing Alphilis' adult celebration, Aldrius told Alphilis that his life expectancy was near. Aldrius spoke the word as pale as possible, and Alphilis listened with the most faceless expression possible. Maybe that's why their lives were about to come to an end. When we realized each other about it, Aldrius was about to lose his normal judgment."Day 1 of the Green Sprouting MoonThe season is as I noted, but the guy named Destiny is, by the way, ironic. I have 20 days left. But the time came to enter the moon where the green sprouts with today. How hateful it is that my life will be lost in this month when the earth is filled with the most activity of life in a year. I guess fate doesn't like me. He seems to be a man who can't be blessed with the earth no matter what, I am.I want to leave this statement as my head works properly. At first I was hesitant if I should write, but only here I honestly wanted to write everything down. Otherwise, the handwriting makes no sense. When you start lying to yourself, you will lose even the meaning of being alive.By the way, what was I trying to do earlier? I seriously thought I didn't want to die here. How foolish and loathsome that you didn't like to get immortality under Stervese so much, but now you don't want to die.But I can't rely on Stelvese right now. I guess she still looks down on this earth at the summit of Pilebos. Would you look at me too? But she never goes down the mountain for me. That's such a woman. If she were to descend the mountain, it would only be when the fate of this continent moves.So I gave up on living. I can't even hope to regenerate in this body anymore. That's why until earlier I was captured by horrible paranoia. I was trying to get the quickest way. In front of me is an old woman. I tried to leave my living proof in the Alphilis that I raised like a daughter, no matter what. What a lousy thought circuit and desire.In fact, I planted sleeping pills in the alphilis evening yuzu. She also has some knowledge of poisons, but she has no doubt about me. She mouthed the meal for nothing. And he exposed himself to defenseless sleep in front of me.When I turned the light off, I put my hands on her clothes. I didn't have to turn it off because there's nobody there anyway, such as the lights, but did the darkness behind me make you do that? But the darkness behind it also blew away so quickly that my heart exalted when I touched Alphilis.That's not just excitement as a man. Sure, Alphilis is trying to be the owner of a beautiful and abundant body, but I held it like a mountain in a taram, such as a beautiful woman, and in beauty compared to a muse, Alphilis still doesn't extend. I haven't had a hand in the muse most of all, but that was for viewing, and that's what made me happy. More than physical pleasure, however, I still seem to be in the nature of seeking spiritual fullness such as "trapping". I guess that's why I try to ask for Alphilis because I instinctively know that poisoning her will make her permanently incapable of leaving me. I wore only Alphilis' clothes.Where Alphilis' skin was exposed, my hands clumped together. The light of the moon reflected on the cheeks of Alphilis. Is it conscious? More than that, suddenly guilt was on my neck.Would I have stopped for a moment as it was? The light of the moon was shining unchanged, so maybe it was actually a moment. The point is that I felt that long. I undone Alphilis' clothes and put her to bed properly. That's when Alphilis woke up. Those brown eyes just turned to me. I glanced back at those eyes reflexively. That was the eye I remember seeing back in the day."Long time no see.""Oh, you got it all figured out.""Alpha Reese doesn't have those eyes.""'Mine' not missing? "With that word on, you're done with a man named me."To my answer, someone who speaks of Alphilis laughed niggardly."You know perfectly well. Surely it's over in many ways.""Oh. I think I kind of figured out the meaning of the old woman's words now. I couldn't beat my desire. Apparently, I could have been human.""Human beings, even human beings, are truly lowlifes. If you'd lost your desire as it were, you'd have talked fast.""What do you mean? "Come on?"Something like Alphilis gave me a shady grin. Its filthy mouth moves."If you were a bastard, wouldn't you have preferred the Demon King? "Admittedly, that's exciting, too. But more than that, I'm relieved.""Hmm?"I replied calmly to someone with a challenging grin."Even I, such a bastard, could meet someone who I cherished and wanted to protect. That's all I'm satisfied with.""Really? Don't lie to me."The one who looks like Alphilis laughs, like a little fool at my answer."Why did you say it was a lie? "Surely there is truth in your words. You realize yourself not even satisfied with your status as God, and you realize that you have your own happiness besides your status, honor, and power. That's good. Wow. But still, you've never been attracted to such power. And people who will be able to make just the effort to get it. I mean, it's greedy, gracious, stupid. Including your sexuality.""... what are you trying to say? Somewhat bewildered me, the man tells."It means knowing yourself better. You're still not satisfied as you are, I'm sure.""No! That's not true""The answer will be right out. But, or..."The woman tried to whine about something and still stopped right away. I thought about listening, but she was about to lose consciousness gradually and her presence was getting thinner. Apparently, it's not free to manifest itself. Or maybe he came out forced. Then what do you want to tell me until I can't? Such a question arises in my chest, but I could not finally ask the answer.And Alphilis fell asleep again. All I could do was stare at that sleeping face.Continued
