Volume 5, Chapter 17: A Slim Chance of Survival
Duan Lingxiao had been on his guard for some time when he heard me start mouthing off. When he heard my last words, he jumped back several zhang and prepared to accept any and all attacks that were going to be thrown in his direction.
At first nothing happened. However, after several moments had passed, From the soil burst out three individuals. At their fore was an ordinary-looking elderly monk that Duan Lingxiao immediately recognized. His face incomparably ugly, Duan Lingxiao shouted, “Old baldy, why are you here!?! Are you going to stick your grubby little hands.”1 (ED note: While Tann does footnotes, I get to do inline notes yay!) into this affair?”
The elderly monk was Great Master True Compassion. As the chief disciple of the Sovereign of the Devil Sect, Duan Lingxiao was well aware of the other grandmasters of the era. As Jing Wuji’s only real opponent in martial art circles, the Devil Sect had gone to great lengths to keep tabs on Great Master True Compassion even if the security in the Shaolin Temple was quite heavy. However, Duan Lingxiao did not expect that the sole grandmaster on par with his master would appear here … in Northern Han. (ED Note: Deus Ex Machina weeeeeeeeeeeeee)
With a look of pity in his eyes, Great Master True Compassion replied, “This old cassock has come with the members of Great Yong’s wulin to take the Devil Sect out of the equation. I have no intention of acting, unless your master decides to intervene. As for you, Benefactor Duan, this old cassock would like to invite you to spend some time as a guest of the Shaolin Temple at Mount Song.”
Duan Lingxiao’s eyes flickered to the two other individuals that had appeared. From their bald heads, clothing that was similar to Great Master True Compassion, the two of them were clearly senior members of the Shaolin Temple. Adopting a sneer, Duan Lingxiao asked, “Who are you lot? Why don’t you all introduce yourselves?” (ED Note: We are they who walk upon water.)
The two Buddhist monks were the first to step forward, introducing themselves in succession with their hands clasped in prayer after reciting one of the many names of the Buddha. “This old cassock is Restraining Law.”2 “This old cassock is Upright Law.” (ED Note: there is no law that is upright though…)
“In the past, they were a part of the Eighteen Arhats,” I explained, a faint grin on my face. “Several years ago, in that battle with the Fengyi Sect Master, several of the Eighteen Arhats died. After experiencing that battle, the two great masters’ martial arts improved greatly, allowing them to grasp some of the nuances of Buddhist dharma, enabling them to hide themselves from sire’s senses. However, they admit that they alone are not sire’s match, so I invited other friends to help out.”3 (ED Note: You mean Captain Planet.)
Duan Lingxiao felt his heart sink. He had not expected that two of the arhats that had participated in the siege (ED Note: siege? no siege happened) of Fan Huiyao would appear here. His face further darkened when he heard Jiang Zhe speak words of other martial artists present. Li Zhi’s favor towards Jiang Zhe was truly astonishing to behold.
“This priest, Zhang Jinxiong, pays my respects to elder young master Duan,” said man’s voice from behind Duan Lingxiao. Soon afterwards, a soft and gentle voice of a woman could also be heard, “Lingzhenzi of Emei pays my respects to elder young master Duan.”
Wringing his hands, Duan Lingxiao shot me a vicious glance, as he rhetorically asked, “So, it seems that Your Lordship has prepared everything?”
Smiling grimly, I answered, “That’s not all. There’s more …”4 (ED Note: ME! ME! Need it so badly!)
From the water burst out three individuals. After they had spun in the air and used their internal energy to wring out and dry their clothes, the three of them landed on the ground. To Duan Lingxiao’s intense discomfort, he saw that each of them had masks on their faces, masks that were exactly the same as the ones worn by Tan Ji and his Ghost Cavalry.5 Each of them wielded different pole weapons in their hands—a halberd, a dagger-axe, and a lance. Becoming enraged by the disrespect paid to one of his disciples, Duan Lingxiao shouted, “Who are you? How dare you disrespect the memory of my disciple, Tan Ji?” (ED Note: It is we! The fake ghosts of Christmas!)
The man at their fore shook his head and a muffled laugh could be heard. Then, in a voice eerily similar to that of Tan Ji’s, the man spoke, “Master, do you really not recognize your disciple?”
Duan Lingxiao stumbled back a step, nearly tripping over a rock. He knew that voice quite well. It was exactly the same as that of Tan Ji. In years past, Long Tingfei had asked that he train Tan Ji. During the years that Tan Ji had cultivated and trained martial arts under his tutelage, Duan Lingxiao had gotten to know this disciple of his quite well. As such, the more he looked, the more it seemed like Tan Ji had returned to life. But how was this possible? Did Tan Ji and his Ghost Cavalry not die in battle against Li Xian? How had he returned from the dead?
The second of the masked men who wielded a halberd spoke up and inquired, “Master, do you not recognize Kang’er?” 6
Duan Lingxiao felt himself shiver. Here was another voice that he recognized, the voice of a disciple that he had taken from the Yong imperial family, the current Prince of Qing, Li Kang. As his heart raced, Duan Lingxao could not help ask, “You? Why are you here? Why aren’t you in Hanzhong? Why aren’t you preparing your rebellion?”
The second masked man removed his mask, revealing a set of handsome features. Clear rage could be seen between his eyebrows, though there was also resignation within his dead eyes. He was Li Kang, the Prince of Qing. In a voice filled with despair and terror, he simply replied, “Master, I’m sorry.” (ED Note: “I can’t love you! I love someone else!”)
Unconsciously, tears began streaming down Duan Lingxiao’s shocked face. The multiple psychological shocks were simply too much to bear. Shivering, he could not help glance at the final masked man. The closer Duan Lingxiao looked, the more familiar the man seemed. Shaking his head, grimacing, and squeezing his eyes shut, Duan Lingxiao finally calmed himself down before he asked, “And you, who are you?”
The last masked man heaved a sigh. In a muffled, barely audible voice, he answered, “Senior apprentice brother …”
“Yufei?” interrupted Duan Lingxiao in a rage. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in the Eastern Sea and a guest of the Jiang family? Why are you here? Have you forgotten that you are a disciple of the Devil Sect? Have you betrayed master and the sect?”
Before the last masked man could respond, I interjected, “Elder young master Duan, that is not fourth young master Qiu. Fourth young master Qiu is still in the Eastern Sea and remains a guest at my former humble abode.” Shaking my head grimly, I continued, “However, he is someone that elder young master Duan knows well. After being hung out to dry by your master and Northern Han, he defected …”
“Dingluan?” murmured Duan Lingxiao in shock. “You’re Su Dingluan?7 Aren’t you dead? How have you returned to life?” (ED Note: It’s always magic in these novels.)
The last man removed his mask, revealing the heroic and imposing aura of the Vanguard General, Su Dingluan, who was last seen dying in Chang’an. Shaking his head, Su Dingluan sighed and mournfully replied, “Senior apprentice brother, have you forgotten of whom the Marquis of Chu is a disciple of? There are so many unknown medicinal ingredients in the world. Should it be strange that Tan Ji and I were brought back to life and made into no more than puppets of Great Yong? As for apprentice nephew, he has also become controlled by the Marquis of Chu. We cannot do anything to resist his commands. Even it means having to obey and kill senior apprentice brother. Forgive us, senior apprentice brother, forgive us. There is nothing we can do.”
Finally able to steel his heart, Duan Lingxiao’s gaze fell upon Jiang Zhe. Feeling a viciousness well up from his heart, he murmured in a barely audible voice, unable to hide the quivering rage underneath, “Jiang Zhe! You dare! My master and my sect will never forgive you! From today, we cannot both exist under the same sky!8 If you cannot die, then we will perish by your hands!” (ED Note: The monologue needs to be longer so it can be cut short.)
“To exist in this world, no one can escape the fate of being forced to act in contravention of their own volition,” I replied without a hint of remorse. “I cannot escape being a weapon used by Great Yong to unify world, while elder young master Duan is a weapon used by Northern Han to weaken the Yong invasion army. To this end, Su Dingluan, Li Kang, and Tan Ji are no more than weapons to be used to ensure that the Devil Sect and Northern Han perish. Don’t tell me that elder young master Duan believes that you and the Devil Sect are gentlemen, while I am a vile character? A gentleman is not a gentleman if he is not vicious and ruthless. You have shown that by sending Yufei to assassinate me. You have further shown it by coming today to take my life. Don’t hide behind your hypocrisy and blame me for my methods. I am merely repaying the favor.”9 (ED Note: You’re right you know. These people go on for ages in this novel. It doesn’t seem to really reflect reality.)
“You, you …” Duan Lingxiao was at a loss for words. Unable to formulate a response out of anger, Duan Lingxiao leaped forward in a suicidal attack upon Jiang Zhe like a raging hurricane. However, he alone was not enough. Against seven expert martial artists, Duan Lingxiao was severely outnumbered and disadvantaged. No matter how desperately he fought, the psychological shocks that he had suffered and the combined assaults by seven opponents gradually wore him down. It wasn’t long before Duan Lingxiao had collapsed to the ground, his body completely covered with wounds.
In a ruthless voice, I commanded Su Dingluan, Li Kang, and Tan Ji, “Cut his limbs off, but make sure that he is left alive. Let him serve as a warning to Jing Wuji and the Devil Sect. I, Jiang Zhe, and Great Yong are not to be trifled with.”
“阿彌陀佛 (Ē mí tuó Fó),” sounded Great Master True Compassion’s voice as he and the two other Buddhist monks clasped their hands together in prayer and closed their eyes, joined by the two Daoist monks.10 (ED Note: Magically appearing Daoist monks. Great writing author.)
With looks of terror in their eyes, Huyan Shou and Su Qing approached, reporting in and giving voice to their failures. I shot them a passing glance before turning to Xiaoshunzi and said, “Make sure he remains alive.”
Screaming with undisguisable rage and despair, Duan Lingxiao’s limbs were cut off one by one. Lying there on the ground with all his limbs severed, Duan Lingxiao gazed upon Jiang Zhe with an indescribable hatred. A weaker willed man would have already fainted. However, Duan Lingxiao’s unquenchable hatred prevented him from falling unconscious. Immersed with hatred and pain, Duan Lingxiao felt time come to a stop as he was pricked several times by Xiaoshunzi using a hairpin. Slowly, he felt his gaze darken and he fell unconscious, no matter how much he resisted.
Duan Lingxiao came to his senses screaming out of anger, hate, and pain. However, he soon discovered that he was standing there powerless to move, but completely intact. From the corners of his eyes, he was able to determine that his arms and legs were still there. Looking forward, he saw Jiang Zhe and Xiaoshunzi standing before him with a light smile on his face.
“W-what … what did you d-do … to me?” asked Duan Lingxiao, stammering.
With a look of sympathy in my eyes, I simply answered, “Poison.”11 (ED Note: *Rolls eyes*)
Duan Lingxiao had a blank look on his face before everything dawned (ED Note: Became the dawn! Ye-yeah!). In a voice quivering with rage, he asked, “How long?” 12 (ED Note: Not long enough obviously.)
“From the moment I noticed your presence, you fell under my trap,” I answered with a somewhat smug voice. “I’m sure that elder young master Duan felt that you have prepared for all exigencies. However, there are certain poisons that if breathed merely cause paralysis and hallucinations.13 I’m afraid that as soon as elder young master Duan walked within two zhang of me, you had already fallen into my trap.” (ED Note: Someone get this addict his pills.)
“The Marquis of Chu is truly unsurpassed in the world when it comes to machinations and plots,” replied Duan Lingxiao, as he broke out into a mournful chuckle. “Kill me now. If I even frown in the slightest, then I am not a disciple of the Devil Sect.”14 (ED Note: E moost comit sudoku!)
“Oh no,” I replied, shaking my head, “I’ve no intention of harming elder young master Duan. However, your life is no longer yours nor the Devil Sect’s. After today, it will be impossible for you to escape my control. From this point forward, your name and reputation will be blackened and you will be treated as a traitor to your sect and to your country.”15 (ED Note: But refuse it I must! *gets machine gunned to death*)
Quivering with rage and dread, Duan Lingxiao inquired, “What do you want?”16 (ED Note: Obviously everyone thinks it’s real.)
“Don’t worry,” I continued, ignoring his question, “I won’t make you do anything that you don’t want to. However, by the time all this is done, I will show you the true meaning of not knowing how to live or die. You’ll beg me to give you a chance, however slim, to be put out of your misery. As long as you complete one task, you will have a slim chance of survival.”17 (ED Note: They’re also real chapters. And you should read them. Totally. Mhm. Not made up at all.)
Footnotes:
Tiny hands like Donald Trump.The way this is going, Duan Lingxiao better be filing for a restraining order against Jiang Zhe.Remember that terribad 70-80s cartoon called Super Friends? Me neither.But wait, there’s more! For only $4.99 extra, we’ll double the offer and give you this amazing extra set for free!Yay, whitewashed Ghost in a Shell was as bad as everyone expected!Wanyan Kang/Yang Kang in the house!Another one back from the dead; what is this a zombie apocalypse novel?Yada, yada, yada. Sheesh, get it on already! Why blab so much!Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So wordy. You talk more than my mother.Riiight … prayer is going to do a whole lot of good at this point.Roofied.It’s a wee bit too late to be asking that question, laddie.In other words, Duan Lingxiao got shroomed.Sheesh, when do people not be a bit different? This martyrdom behavior is so old …I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse.So, by now, people should have noticed that there isn’t a single real footnote in this chapter and that this entire chapter is fake. Happy April Fool’s Day!Just a head’s up, the next three chapters aren’t from TGS, but rather from a side project that weirdo and I have been working on for some time called Epic of the Little Soldier (小兵传奇).ED Note: READ 小兵传奇! THANKS gogogogogogogogogoggo
Volume 5, Chapter 17: A Slim Chance of Survival
Duan Lingxiao had been on his guard for some time when he heard me start mouthing off. When he heard my last words, he jumped back several zhang and prepared to accept any and all attacks that were going to be thrown in his direction.
At first nothing happened. However, after several moments had passed, From the soil burst out three individuals. At their fore was an ordinary-looking elderly monk that Duan Lingxiao immediately recognized. His face incomparably ugly, Duan Lingxiao shouted, “Old baldy, why are you here!?! Are you going to stick your grubby little hands.”1 (ED note: While Tann does footnotes, I get to do inline notes yay!) into this affair?”
The elderly monk was Great Master True Compassion. As the chief disciple of the Sovereign of the Devil Sect, Duan Lingxiao was well aware of the other grandmasters of the era. As Jing Wuji’s only real opponent in martial art circles, the Devil Sect had gone to great lengths to keep tabs on Great Master True Compassion even if the security in the Shaolin Temple was quite heavy. However, Duan Lingxiao did not expect that the sole grandmaster on par with his master would appear here … in Northern Han. (ED Note: Deus Ex Machina weeeeeeeeeeeeee)
With a look of pity in his eyes, Great Master True Compassion replied, “This old cassock has come with the members of Great Yong’s wulin to take the Devil Sect out of the equation. I have no intention of acting, unless your master decides to intervene. As for you, Benefactor Duan, this old cassock would like to invite you to spend some time as a guest of the Shaolin Temple at Mount Song.”
Duan Lingxiao’s eyes flickered to the two other individuals that had appeared. From their bald heads, clothing that was similar to Great Master True Compassion, the two of them were clearly senior members of the Shaolin Temple. Adopting a sneer, Duan Lingxiao asked, “Who are you lot? Why don’t you all introduce yourselves?” (ED Note: We are they who walk upon water.)
The two Buddhist monks were the first to step forward, introducing themselves in succession with their hands clasped in prayer after reciting one of the many names of the Buddha. “This old cassock is Restraining Law.”2 “This old cassock is Upright Law.” (ED Note: there is no law that is upright though…)
“In the past, they were a part of the Eighteen Arhats,” I explained, a faint grin on my face. “Several years ago, in that battle with the Fengyi Sect Master, several of the Eighteen Arhats died. After experiencing that battle, the two great masters’ martial arts improved greatly, allowing them to grasp some of the nuances of Buddhist dharma, enabling them to hide themselves from sire’s senses. However, they admit that they alone are not sire’s match, so I invited other friends to help out.”3 (ED Note: You mean Captain Planet.)
Duan Lingxiao felt his heart sink. He had not expected that two of the arhats that had participated in the siege (ED Note: siege? no siege happened) of Fan Huiyao would appear here. His face further darkened when he heard Jiang Zhe speak words of other martial artists present. Li Zhi’s favor towards Jiang Zhe was truly astonishing to behold.
“This priest, Zhang Jinxiong, pays my respects to elder young master Duan,” said man’s voice from behind Duan Lingxiao. Soon afterwards, a soft and gentle voice of a woman could also be heard, “Lingzhenzi of Emei pays my respects to elder young master Duan.”
Wringing his hands, Duan Lingxiao shot me a vicious glance, as he rhetorically asked, “So, it seems that Your Lordship has prepared everything?”
Smiling grimly, I answered, “That’s not all. There’s more …”4 (ED Note: ME! ME! Need it so badly!)
From the water burst out three individuals. After they had spun in the air and used their internal energy to wring out and dry their clothes, the three of them landed on the ground. To Duan Lingxiao’s intense discomfort, he saw that each of them had masks on their faces, masks that were exactly the same as the ones worn by Tan Ji and his Ghost Cavalry.5 Each of them wielded different pole weapons in their hands—a halberd, a dagger-axe, and a lance. Becoming enraged by the disrespect paid to one of his disciples, Duan Lingxiao shouted, “Who are you? How dare you disrespect the memory of my disciple, Tan Ji?” (ED Note: It is we! The fake ghosts of Christmas!)
The man at their fore shook his head and a muffled laugh could be heard. Then, in a voice eerily similar to that of Tan Ji’s, the man spoke, “Master, do you really not recognize your disciple?”
Duan Lingxiao stumbled back a step, nearly tripping over a rock. He knew that voice quite well. It was exactly the same as that of Tan Ji. In years past, Long Tingfei had asked that he train Tan Ji. During the years that Tan Ji had cultivated and trained martial arts under his tutelage, Duan Lingxiao had gotten to know this disciple of his quite well. As such, the more he looked, the more it seemed like Tan Ji had returned to life. But how was this possible? Did Tan Ji and his Ghost Cavalry not die in battle against Li Xian? How had he returned from the dead?
The second of the masked men who wielded a halberd spoke up and inquired, “Master, do you not recognize Kang’er?” 6
Duan Lingxiao felt himself shiver. Here was another voice that he recognized, the voice of a disciple that he had taken from the Yong imperial family, the current Prince of Qing, Li Kang. As his heart raced, Duan Lingxao could not help ask, “You? Why are you here? Why aren’t you in Hanzhong? Why aren’t you preparing your rebellion?”
The second masked man removed his mask, revealing a set of handsome features. Clear rage could be seen between his eyebrows, though there was also resignation within his dead eyes. He was Li Kang, the Prince of Qing. In a voice filled with despair and terror, he simply replied, “Master, I’m sorry.” (ED Note: “I can’t love you! I love someone else!”)
Unconsciously, tears began streaming down Duan Lingxiao’s shocked face. The multiple psychological shocks were simply too much to bear. Shivering, he could not help glance at the final masked man. The closer Duan Lingxiao looked, the more familiar the man seemed. Shaking his head, grimacing, and squeezing his eyes shut, Duan Lingxiao finally calmed himself down before he asked, “And you, who are you?”
The last masked man heaved a sigh. In a muffled, barely audible voice, he answered, “Senior apprentice brother …”
“Yufei?” interrupted Duan Lingxiao in a rage. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in the Eastern Sea and a guest of the Jiang family? Why are you here? Have you forgotten that you are a disciple of the Devil Sect? Have you betrayed master and the sect?”
Before the last masked man could respond, I interjected, “Elder young master Duan, that is not fourth young master Qiu. Fourth young master Qiu is still in the Eastern Sea and remains a guest at my former humble abode.” Shaking my head grimly, I continued, “However, he is someone that elder young master Duan knows well. After being hung out to dry by your master and Northern Han, he defected …”
“Dingluan?” murmured Duan Lingxiao in shock. “You’re Su Dingluan?7 Aren’t you dead? How have you returned to life?” (ED Note: It’s always magic in these novels.)
The last man removed his mask, revealing the heroic and imposing aura of the Vanguard General, Su Dingluan, who was last seen dying in Chang’an. Shaking his head, Su Dingluan sighed and mournfully replied, “Senior apprentice brother, have you forgotten of whom the Marquis of Chu is a disciple of? There are so many unknown medicinal ingredients in the world. Should it be strange that Tan Ji and I were brought back to life and made into no more than puppets of Great Yong? As for apprentice nephew, he has also become controlled by the Marquis of Chu. We cannot do anything to resist his commands. Even it means having to obey and kill senior apprentice brother. Forgive us, senior apprentice brother, forgive us. There is nothing we can do.”
Finally able to steel his heart, Duan Lingxiao’s gaze fell upon Jiang Zhe. Feeling a viciousness well up from his heart, he murmured in a barely audible voice, unable to hide the quivering rage underneath, “Jiang Zhe! You dare! My master and my sect will never forgive you! From today, we cannot both exist under the same sky!8 If you cannot die, then we will perish by your hands!” (ED Note: The monologue needs to be longer so it can be cut short.)
“To exist in this world, no one can escape the fate of being forced to act in contravention of their own volition,” I replied without a hint of remorse. “I cannot escape being a weapon used by Great Yong to unify world, while elder young master Duan is a weapon used by Northern Han to weaken the Yong invasion army. To this end, Su Dingluan, Li Kang, and Tan Ji are no more than weapons to be used to ensure that the Devil Sect and Northern Han perish. Don’t tell me that elder young master Duan believes that you and the Devil Sect are gentlemen, while I am a vile character? A gentleman is not a gentleman if he is not vicious and ruthless. You have shown that by sending Yufei to assassinate me. You have further shown it by coming today to take my life. Don’t hide behind your hypocrisy and blame me for my methods. I am merely repaying the favor.”9 (ED Note: You’re right you know. These people go on for ages in this novel. It doesn’t seem to really reflect reality.)
“You, you …” Duan Lingxiao was at a loss for words. Unable to formulate a response out of anger, Duan Lingxiao leaped forward in a suicidal attack upon Jiang Zhe like a raging hurricane. However, he alone was not enough. Against seven expert martial artists, Duan Lingxiao was severely outnumbered and disadvantaged. No matter how desperately he fought, the psychological shocks that he had suffered and the combined assaults by seven opponents gradually wore him down. It wasn’t long before Duan Lingxiao had collapsed to the ground, his body completely covered with wounds.
In a ruthless voice, I commanded Su Dingluan, Li Kang, and Tan Ji, “Cut his limbs off, but make sure that he is left alive. Let him serve as a warning to Jing Wuji and the Devil Sect. I, Jiang Zhe, and Great Yong are not to be trifled with.”
“阿彌陀佛 (Ē mí tuó Fó),” sounded Great Master True Compassion’s voice as he and the two other Buddhist monks clasped their hands together in prayer and closed their eyes, joined by the two Daoist monks.10 (ED Note: Magically appearing Daoist monks. Great writing author.)
With looks of terror in their eyes, Huyan Shou and Su Qing approached, reporting in and giving voice to their failures. I shot them a passing glance before turning to Xiaoshunzi and said, “Make sure he remains alive.”
Screaming with undisguisable rage and despair, Duan Lingxiao’s limbs were cut off one by one. Lying there on the ground with all his limbs severed, Duan Lingxiao gazed upon Jiang Zhe with an indescribable hatred. A weaker willed man would have already fainted. However, Duan Lingxiao’s unquenchable hatred prevented him from falling unconscious. Immersed with hatred and pain, Duan Lingxiao felt time come to a stop as he was pricked several times by Xiaoshunzi using a hairpin. Slowly, he felt his gaze darken and he fell unconscious, no matter how much he resisted.
Duan Lingxiao came to his senses screaming out of anger, hate, and pain. However, he soon discovered that he was standing there powerless to move, but completely intact. From the corners of his eyes, he was able to determine that his arms and legs were still there. Looking forward, he saw Jiang Zhe and Xiaoshunzi standing before him with a light smile on his face.
“W-what … what did you d-do … to me?” asked Duan Lingxiao, stammering.
With a look of sympathy in my eyes, I simply answered, “Poison.”11 (ED Note: *Rolls eyes*)
Duan Lingxiao had a blank look on his face before everything dawned (ED Note: Became the dawn! Ye-yeah!). In a voice quivering with rage, he asked, “How long?” 12 (ED Note: Not long enough obviously.)
“From the moment I noticed your presence, you fell under my trap,” I answered with a somewhat smug voice. “I’m sure that elder young master Duan felt that you have prepared for all exigencies. However, there are certain poisons that if breathed merely cause paralysis and hallucinations.13 I’m afraid that as soon as elder young master Duan walked within two zhang of me, you had already fallen into my trap.” (ED Note: Someone get this addict his pills.)
“The Marquis of Chu is truly unsurpassed in the world when it comes to machinations and plots,” replied Duan Lingxiao, as he broke out into a mournful chuckle. “Kill me now. If I even frown in the slightest, then I am not a disciple of the Devil Sect.”14 (ED Note: E moost comit sudoku!)
“Oh no,” I replied, shaking my head, “I’ve no intention of harming elder young master Duan. However, your life is no longer yours nor the Devil Sect’s. After today, it will be impossible for you to escape my control. From this point forward, your name and reputation will be blackened and you will be treated as a traitor to your sect and to your country.”15 (ED Note: But refuse it I must! *gets machine gunned to death*)
Quivering with rage and dread, Duan Lingxiao inquired, “What do you want?”16 (ED Note: Obviously everyone thinks it’s real.)
“Don’t worry,” I continued, ignoring his question, “I won’t make you do anything that you don’t want to. However, by the time all this is done, I will show you the true meaning of not knowing how to live or die. You’ll beg me to give you a chance, however slim, to be put out of your misery. As long as you complete one task, you will have a slim chance of survival.”17 (ED Note: They’re also real chapters. And you should read them. Totally. Mhm. Not made up at all.)
Footnotes:
Tiny hands like Donald Trump.The way this is going, Duan Lingxiao better be filing for a restraining order against Jiang Zhe.Remember that terribad 70-80s cartoon called Super Friends? Me neither.But wait, there’s more! For only $4.99 extra, we’ll double the offer and give you this amazing extra set for free!Yay, whitewashed Ghost in a Shell was as bad as everyone expected!Wanyan Kang/Yang Kang in the house!Another one back from the dead; what is this a zombie apocalypse novel?Yada, yada, yada. Sheesh, get it on already! Why blab so much!Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So wordy. You talk more than my mother.Riiight … prayer is going to do a whole lot of good at this point.Roofied.It’s a wee bit too late to be asking that question, laddie.In other words, Duan Lingxiao got shroomed.Sheesh, when do people not be a bit different? This martyrdom behavior is so old …I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse.So, by now, people should have noticed that there isn’t a single real footnote in this chapter and that this entire chapter is fake. Happy April Fool’s Day!Just a head’s up, the next three chapters aren’t from TGS, but rather from a side project that weirdo and I have been working on for some time called Epic of the Little Soldier (小兵传奇).ED Note: READ 小兵传奇! THANKS gogogogogogogogogoggo
