Chapter 45
AD
Why do I feel like collapsing when standing on that truth?
Why do I want to cling to Ravia’s skirt and beg?
….throughout all that, he returned after seeing Leticia off while still wearing his gentlemanly mask, which required a great patience.
It was only after he managed to send off his uninvited guest that Tidwell was swept by a wave of emotions.
An unknown emotion between anger and grief overwhelmed his mind to the point of helplessness.
It wasn’t the first time this happened.
He had often experienced this state in the process of crawling his way to reach his current spot. It was when his shadow devoured him.
It was almost like the past he had left behind was rushing back to slaughter him.
When he closed his eyes, he could see the remaining pomegranate seeds rolling away from someone’s feet as if they couldn’t be trampled.
Maybe that cruel recurring scene was a depiction of his past path. Each of the pomegranate seeds reflected his miserable life.
A life where some parts of a person will perish and some will survive after being trampled.
When the fact shackled his foot, a bony skeleton bit his ankle as it made a croaking sound, whispering ominously.
Tidwell, you’ll be the only one left again.
You must remember that there is no warning of every incident. What’s so important about the day your family died? What day did you find out that the maid hired by a certain noble had poisoned your family?
When was the first day you killed a person and realized that wearing expensive clothes was not strange at all?
Don’t you know it well? Isn’t Lady Macbeth saying the same thing on the stage?
(TL/N : Lady Macbeth is a leading character in Shakespeare’s play about Macbeth and his wife who murder their king for his throne. After Macbeth becomes a murderous tyrant, she is driven to madness by guilt over their crimes and commits suicide offstage.)
This very hand. This blood stain that can’t be washed away!
Lady Macbeth is said to be going crazy over the imaginary blood on her hands, but will the blood on your hands be visible only to your eyes? So who will remain by your side? Who would want to enter the mouth of a bloodthirsty demon?
Tidwell, you know that well. The reason why you’re obsessed with your sister. The fact that it’s not just because she is a loner.
A feeling of inadequacy where you can’t keep her by your side without a stupid chain called family. That’s why you’re not allowing any chance for your sister to take off or throwing away the chain, right? You want her to covet her family, and make her hate you so that she will continue to remain by your side….
…..In the end, did you have enough dreams of you being tormented by those feelings and desires, hoping for her to return to your arms? It is pathetic for you to give up affection so early and choose an easy method like hatred and desire. That’s why you suffer from nightmares like this.
At the end of the skeleton’s sneer, Tidwell woke up.
He realized that he had fallen asleep. He was afraid to open his eyes, so he just closed them and ended up falling asleep.
After blinking a few times, his eyes adjusted to the familiar interior covered in darkness.
He seemed to have fallen asleep while leaning on the bay window of the annex building. He sneered at himself, thinking that it was funny how he came to the annex building at times like this, and staggered back to his room.
In the meantime, he didn’t notice that the door at the end of the hallway, which had been tightly closed every day, was slightly open.
He must have been struggling with his past like a child who was still afraid of monsters under the bed.
‘If I had met my sister again at that time, I might have shown her my ugly side.’
He may have grabbed Ravia’s sleeve or strangled her. What’s surprising was that those conflicting actions stemmed from the same emotion.
What’s funny is the person who drove him into that state was asking him about deception.
However, there was something he failed to notice. He had fallen for Ravia’s intentional provocation.
Tidwell’s voice, colder than before, flowed out sternly.
“Are you implying that I’m deceiving you, Sister?”
“I’ve never said that before, so don’t be too quick to assume.”
Of course, Ravia backed out smoothly.
“….Then what do you mean by that?”
“You usually ask me even though you know everything, so do you really not know about that matter?”
“I’m not quite sure what you mean….”
In response to Tidwell’s answer, Ravia propped her chin in the palm of her hand.
“There’s no point asking me when you already know everything. You want to check whether I’m deceiving you, right?”
Whether she, who claimed to have no interest in family, was going to hit the back of his head….
….Or whether she did that already.
Of course, she didn’t fully say that. It wasn’t the topic that Ravia wanted to discuss.
“That’s why I was going to explain. Nobody seems to have told you that I’m not deceiving you regarding the succession matter, nor that I’m pleased to be appointed as Acting Lord.”
“I didn’t hear anything about that.”
“Everyone is so harsh toward me,”
Ravia laughed bitterly. Of course, it was acting.
“My father asked me to help you by acting as Lord of the family first because you’re still unfamiliar with Leontine yet. That’s why I decided to do that.”
“Is that all your excuses?”
“Do I need to gild the lily to tell the truth?”
Tidwell did not answer. What he really wanted to ask was not how Ravia became an acting Lord.
On the contrary, he had arranged it in the first place, and he wanted to ask whether Ravia was happy to be appointed as acting Lord.
Was there any other reason for Ravia to call Leticia? When she reached out to him on the stairs that night, was it just a stepping stone to her goal, after all….?
However, asking that was like putting the cart before the horse. He shouldn’t do anything foolish to reveal his anxiety.
‘First of all, I have to be satisfied with the current development. Up to this point, I know Ravia is moving within my expectation.’
No matter how she behaved, if she moved on the chessboard that he had arranged, she’d eventually bring the desired result.
Coveting the successor position and hating him, but never being able to push everything away.
As she was shackled by a chain called family, she’d eventually get herself tangled with Tidwell, unable to prevent the growing affection.
‘Don’t be anxious. My sister is in front of me.’
Tidwell shook off the shadow holding on to his ankle. And as usual, he smiled kindly.
“Then that’s enough. If my father had judged so, I believe that must be the best option.”
“…But you seemed upset by that fact earlier.”
“I heard directly from my sister, so everything is fine now.”
Unlike Tidwell’s initial reaction to the provocation, he was showing sensible judgment and a calm attitude.
And that, of course, was quite disappointing for Ravia.
She wanted Tidwell to fall for her provocation and reveal his innermost feelings.
‘Seems like I can only go this far to provoke him .’
She had to deal carefully with a variable like Tidwell, who was like a living, ticking bomb. Eventually, Ravia decided on a strategic retreat.
‘It’s not like this is completely fruitless or anything.’
Because she didn’t come here with only one purpose, after all.
Ravia took something from her sleeve and said.
“Well, if you put it that way, it makes me quite ashamed to bring you this.”
“What did you bring?”
“I thought of you because my father’s old friend was holding a winter banquet.”
What she gave him was an invitation from Marquis Callister. Tidwell’s expression turned stiff after confirming the recipient’s name.
“…It seems you’re the only one invited, Sister.”
“You came into the family not too long ago, so it’s very likely that they didn’t know you.”
Of course, it was a blatant lie since the news that Leontine put their adopted son into the family registry had already reached the social world. Ravia lied without blinking once.
“Anyway, I think you’ve heard the name of Marquis Callister. Those who haven’t met him know that they’ll have a hard time stepping into high society.”
“As you said. I think I heard Marquis Callister does a lot of relief work,” Tidwell replied with a long face.
In fact, he did not only hear about it, but he also received his goodwill. Perhaps young Tidwell’s life in the street would have been more grueling had it not for the relief supplies from Marquis Callister.
Thus, Marquis Callister became one of the nobles that Tidwell respected even though he despised the nobility.
However, he was also famous for his traditional perspective of bloodline and ancestry, so Tidwell didn’t expect much from Marquis Callister’s banquet.
Which is why Tidwell had rejected Herod’s offer to attend the banquet.
-There are slots for two people per invitation card. How about it? Let’s go together. I heard you like Marquis Callister quite a bit.
-Yeah but sticking out my face on a battlefield where I can barely find my footing is nothing to be proud about.
Of course, he also had a plan to let Ravia go to Marquis Callister’s banquet alone to rekindle her old ambition.
But then Ravia offered him an invitation, so Tidwell couldn’t help but ask.
“So why are you giving this to me…”
“Tidwell, why else do you think people give out an invitation?”
Ravia chuckled lightly as if she heard a child’s mumbling.
“Let’s go together.”
Her mouth crinkled into a smile, she beamed as if gilded by a thin layer of sugar.
Dazzled by that glaring hypocrisy, he made a slight expression.
Chapter 45
AD
Why do I feel like collapsing when standing on that truth?
Why do I want to cling to Ravia’s skirt and beg?
….throughout all that, he returned after seeing Leticia off while still wearing his gentlemanly mask, which required a great patience.
It was only after he managed to send off his uninvited guest that Tidwell was swept by a wave of emotions.
An unknown emotion between anger and grief overwhelmed his mind to the point of helplessness.
It wasn’t the first time this happened.
He had often experienced this state in the process of crawling his way to reach his current spot. It was when his shadow devoured him.
It was almost like the past he had left behind was rushing back to slaughter him.
When he closed his eyes, he could see the remaining pomegranate seeds rolling away from someone’s feet as if they couldn’t be trampled.
Maybe that cruel recurring scene was a depiction of his past path. Each of the pomegranate seeds reflected his miserable life.
A life where some parts of a person will perish and some will survive after being trampled.
When the fact shackled his foot, a bony skeleton bit his ankle as it made a croaking sound, whispering ominously.
Tidwell, you’ll be the only one left again.
You must remember that there is no warning of every incident. What’s so important about the day your family died? What day did you find out that the maid hired by a certain noble had poisoned your family?
When was the first day you killed a person and realized that wearing expensive clothes was not strange at all?
Don’t you know it well? Isn’t Lady Macbeth saying the same thing on the stage?
(TL/N : Lady Macbeth is a leading character in Shakespeare’s play about Macbeth and his wife who murder their king for his throne. After Macbeth becomes a murderous tyrant, she is driven to madness by guilt over their crimes and commits suicide offstage.)
This very hand. This blood stain that can’t be washed away!
Lady Macbeth is said to be going crazy over the imaginary blood on her hands, but will the blood on your hands be visible only to your eyes? So who will remain by your side? Who would want to enter the mouth of a bloodthirsty demon?
Tidwell, you know that well. The reason why you’re obsessed with your sister. The fact that it’s not just because she is a loner.
A feeling of inadequacy where you can’t keep her by your side without a stupid chain called family. That’s why you’re not allowing any chance for your sister to take off or throwing away the chain, right? You want her to covet her family, and make her hate you so that she will continue to remain by your side….
…..In the end, did you have enough dreams of you being tormented by those feelings and desires, hoping for her to return to your arms? It is pathetic for you to give up affection so early and choose an easy method like hatred and desire. That’s why you suffer from nightmares like this.
At the end of the skeleton’s sneer, Tidwell woke up.
He realized that he had fallen asleep. He was afraid to open his eyes, so he just closed them and ended up falling asleep.
After blinking a few times, his eyes adjusted to the familiar interior covered in darkness.
He seemed to have fallen asleep while leaning on the bay window of the annex building. He sneered at himself, thinking that it was funny how he came to the annex building at times like this, and staggered back to his room.
In the meantime, he didn’t notice that the door at the end of the hallway, which had been tightly closed every day, was slightly open.
He must have been struggling with his past like a child who was still afraid of monsters under the bed.
‘If I had met my sister again at that time, I might have shown her my ugly side.’
He may have grabbed Ravia’s sleeve or strangled her. What’s surprising was that those conflicting actions stemmed from the same emotion.
What’s funny is the person who drove him into that state was asking him about deception.
However, there was something he failed to notice. He had fallen for Ravia’s intentional provocation.
Tidwell’s voice, colder than before, flowed out sternly.
“Are you implying that I’m deceiving you, Sister?”
“I’ve never said that before, so don’t be too quick to assume.”
Of course, Ravia backed out smoothly.
“….Then what do you mean by that?”
“You usually ask me even though you know everything, so do you really not know about that matter?”
“I’m not quite sure what you mean….”
In response to Tidwell’s answer, Ravia propped her chin in the palm of her hand.
“There’s no point asking me when you already know everything. You want to check whether I’m deceiving you, right?”
Whether she, who claimed to have no interest in family, was going to hit the back of his head….
….Or whether she did that already.
Of course, she didn’t fully say that. It wasn’t the topic that Ravia wanted to discuss.
“That’s why I was going to explain. Nobody seems to have told you that I’m not deceiving you regarding the succession matter, nor that I’m pleased to be appointed as Acting Lord.”
“I didn’t hear anything about that.”
“Everyone is so harsh toward me,”
Ravia laughed bitterly. Of course, it was acting.
“My father asked me to help you by acting as Lord of the family first because you’re still unfamiliar with Leontine yet. That’s why I decided to do that.”
“Is that all your excuses?”
“Do I need to gild the lily to tell the truth?”
Tidwell did not answer. What he really wanted to ask was not how Ravia became an acting Lord.
On the contrary, he had arranged it in the first place, and he wanted to ask whether Ravia was happy to be appointed as acting Lord.
Was there any other reason for Ravia to call Leticia? When she reached out to him on the stairs that night, was it just a stepping stone to her goal, after all….?
However, asking that was like putting the cart before the horse. He shouldn’t do anything foolish to reveal his anxiety.
‘First of all, I have to be satisfied with the current development. Up to this point, I know Ravia is moving within my expectation.’
No matter how she behaved, if she moved on the chessboard that he had arranged, she’d eventually bring the desired result.
Coveting the successor position and hating him, but never being able to push everything away.
As she was shackled by a chain called family, she’d eventually get herself tangled with Tidwell, unable to prevent the growing affection.
‘Don’t be anxious. My sister is in front of me.’
Tidwell shook off the shadow holding on to his ankle. And as usual, he smiled kindly.
“Then that’s enough. If my father had judged so, I believe that must be the best option.”
“…But you seemed upset by that fact earlier.”
“I heard directly from my sister, so everything is fine now.”
Unlike Tidwell’s initial reaction to the provocation, he was showing sensible judgment and a calm attitude.
And that, of course, was quite disappointing for Ravia.
She wanted Tidwell to fall for her provocation and reveal his innermost feelings.
‘Seems like I can only go this far to provoke him .’
She had to deal carefully with a variable like Tidwell, who was like a living, ticking bomb. Eventually, Ravia decided on a strategic retreat.
‘It’s not like this is completely fruitless or anything.’
Because she didn’t come here with only one purpose, after all.
Ravia took something from her sleeve and said.
“Well, if you put it that way, it makes me quite ashamed to bring you this.”
“What did you bring?”
“I thought of you because my father’s old friend was holding a winter banquet.”
What she gave him was an invitation from Marquis Callister. Tidwell’s expression turned stiff after confirming the recipient’s name.
“…It seems you’re the only one invited, Sister.”
“You came into the family not too long ago, so it’s very likely that they didn’t know you.”
Of course, it was a blatant lie since the news that Leontine put their adopted son into the family registry had already reached the social world. Ravia lied without blinking once.
“Anyway, I think you’ve heard the name of Marquis Callister. Those who haven’t met him know that they’ll have a hard time stepping into high society.”
“As you said. I think I heard Marquis Callister does a lot of relief work,” Tidwell replied with a long face.
In fact, he did not only hear about it, but he also received his goodwill. Perhaps young Tidwell’s life in the street would have been more grueling had it not for the relief supplies from Marquis Callister.
Thus, Marquis Callister became one of the nobles that Tidwell respected even though he despised the nobility.
However, he was also famous for his traditional perspective of bloodline and ancestry, so Tidwell didn’t expect much from Marquis Callister’s banquet.
Which is why Tidwell had rejected Herod’s offer to attend the banquet.
-There are slots for two people per invitation card. How about it? Let’s go together. I heard you like Marquis Callister quite a bit.
-Yeah but sticking out my face on a battlefield where I can barely find my footing is nothing to be proud about.
Of course, he also had a plan to let Ravia go to Marquis Callister’s banquet alone to rekindle her old ambition.
But then Ravia offered him an invitation, so Tidwell couldn’t help but ask.
“So why are you giving this to me…”
“Tidwell, why else do you think people give out an invitation?”
Ravia chuckled lightly as if she heard a child’s mumbling.
“Let’s go together.”
Her mouth crinkled into a smile, she beamed as if gilded by a thin layer of sugar.
Dazzled by that glaring hypocrisy, he made a slight expression.
