Chapter 82
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I know I’m selfish. A stable future was my top priority, so I always relentlessly choose the one that benefits me. I thought that not being able to take care of my share was rather stupid, so I was not ashamed of these values.
But now, the moment I accepted the Grand Duke’s offer, it seemed that I would become a filthy human. Even the humanity that I had had become a thing that was thrown away.
When I get paid for the time I spend with Kir, could this relationship be called a pure friendship?
Of course, I didn’t like Kir. Chasing me like a duckling imprinted on its mother is annoying. I don’t like him that gets angry at times and asks to be slapped on the cheek. When Kir childishly whines, I sigh. Taking classes with Kir was also my loss. It’s a pity, but it’s also a burden when Kir sometimes shows a weak appearance.
As I mumbled this, I felt that being with Kir had far more bad things than good things. In many ways, Kir was a helpless existence in my life. Even now, I wanted to get rid of him.
However, I still considered Kir a friend. Not a best friend, but a friend who occupied a space in my childhood memories.
It’s a good thing that the Grand Duke wanted to give me a reward. But I didn’t want to lose my humanity to that extent.
Besides, can I be honest with Kir after taking money for dealing with him? Will I be able to act as proudly as I am now in front of that boy who can’t even trust me and even look up to me? And how will Kir, who knows about it, see me and the Grand Duke?
I didn’t come to Kir voluntarily and became friends, but I didn’t want the time we had spent together for a year tainted like a stain.
In fact, the Grand Duke’s words were not strange. This was the culture here. High nobles who had children would deliberately call the children of lower nobles and assign them as playmates for their children. The low-ranking nobles thus gained a standing as the playmates of the high-ranking nobles, but they were still subordinates. Because you can’t go against the feelings of a high-status other person.
In return for such time, the low-ranking nobles received certain benefits from the high-ranking noble families. From my point of view, they built relationships that were not pure friends. It was a rational and logical decision for the Grand Duke, but not for me. I struggled to suppress some of the rising emotions.
“All right. The class will continue. But I don’t need any reward.”
The Grand Duke’s fingers, which were resting on the armrests, trembled. As if he didn’t expect that I was going to refuse, he had an unexpected look on his face.
“Why won’t you get any reward?”
“First of all, Father will not like it. He will think of it as making a profit by selling his daughter.”
“I’ll take care of it secretly from Commander Hertman.”
The Grand Duke was the one who spends more time with Father than I do. He would have known Father’s character. So the Grand Duke threw out a negotiation proposal that he would handle it secretly rather than questioning me when I said that Father would not like it.
It would be a sweet word if he truly meant it, but I wasn’t happy with it. So I shook my head.
“It’s not just for that reason. The biggest reason is my personal heart.”
I didn’t want to do that to Kir. My conscience was already worn out and worn out after I slapped Kir on the cheek, but I didn’t want to fall to the bottom. Just like refusing Kir’s invitation to give me a job, I wanted to keep the line I had set.
“If you don’t you ask for it now, won’t you regret it later?”
“I think I will regret it even more.”
I was not the one who refuses money that comes in, so I don’t know why I’m making this choice. The Grand Duke continued to look at me with observing eyes, but he deliberately did not control his expression so that I would notice.
But will the Grand Duke rather look at this hopeful little child? He looked at me. He looked like he had a plan and I refused it. What the hell are you looking at me for!
“You’re not a child who asked for a reward.”
“At that time, Father was injured. If this was a life-threatening matter, I would have asked for more.”
If Father hadn’t been injured while trying to save the Grand Duke, I wouldn’t have asked for compensation that much. It was only natural that there was a difference between those who had physical damage and those that did not. It was strange to think that the matter at that time was equivalent to this matter now.
The Grand Duke didn’t say anything. But somehow it seemed that he didn’t know the difference between the two. Or he may be thinking about which carrot to present.
“Anyway, I don’t think I should get a reward for studying with Kir. I don’t want you to talk about rewards anymore.”
Since the conversation wouldn’t be beneficial if it was continued longer, I’ve decided not to comment further. I don’t know if I’m teaching Kir to study, but it doesn’t seem like it’s right to want something just because we’re taking classes together.
When I came to that conclusion, the thought that this was a waste that had remained for a while completely disappeared. I sighed like a liberated person. It made me feel somewhat relieved to shake off even a single drop of regret.
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I know I’m selfish. A stable future was my top priority, so I always relentlessly choose the one that benefits me. I thought that not being able to take care of my share was rather stupid, so I was not ashamed of these values.
But now, the moment I accepted the Grand Duke’s offer, it seemed that I would become a filthy human. Even the humanity that I had had become a thing that was thrown away.
When I get paid for the time I spend with Kir, could this relationship be called a pure friendship?
Of course, I didn’t like Kir. Chasing me like a duckling imprinted on its mother is annoying. I don’t like him that gets angry at times and asks to be slapped on the cheek. When Kir childishly whines, I sigh. Taking classes with Kir was also my loss. It’s a pity, but it’s also a burden when Kir sometimes shows a weak appearance.
As I mumbled this, I felt that being with Kir had far more bad things than good things. In many ways, Kir was a helpless existence in my life. Even now, I wanted to get rid of him.
However, I still considered Kir a friend. Not a best friend, but a friend who occupied a space in my childhood memories.
It’s a good thing that the Grand Duke wanted to give me a reward. But I didn’t want to lose my humanity to that extent.
Besides, can I be honest with Kir after taking money for dealing with him? Will I be able to act as proudly as I am now in front of that boy who can’t even trust me and even look up to me? And how will Kir, who knows about it, see me and the Grand Duke?
I didn’t come to Kir voluntarily and became friends, but I didn’t want the time we had spent together for a year tainted like a stain.
In fact, the Grand Duke’s words were not strange. This was the culture here. High nobles who had children would deliberately call the children of lower nobles and assign them as playmates for their children. The low-ranking nobles thus gained a standing as the playmates of the high-ranking nobles, but they were still subordinates. Because you can’t go against the feelings of a high-status other person.
In return for such time, the low-ranking nobles received certain benefits from the high-ranking noble families. From my point of view, they built relationships that were not pure friends. It was a rational and logical decision for the Grand Duke, but not for me. I struggled to suppress some of the rising emotions.
“All right. The class will continue. But I don’t need any reward.”
The Grand Duke’s fingers, which were resting on the armrests, trembled. As if he didn’t expect that I was going to refuse, he had an unexpected look on his face.
“Why won’t you get any reward?”
“First of all, Father will not like it. He will think of it as making a profit by selling his daughter.”
“I’ll take care of it secretly from Commander Hertman.”
The Grand Duke was the one who spends more time with Father than I do. He would have known Father’s character. So the Grand Duke threw out a negotiation proposal that he would handle it secretly rather than questioning me when I said that Father would not like it.
It would be a sweet word if he truly meant it, but I wasn’t happy with it. So I shook my head.
“It’s not just for that reason. The biggest reason is my personal heart.”
I didn’t want to do that to Kir. My conscience was already worn out and worn out after I slapped Kir on the cheek, but I didn’t want to fall to the bottom. Just like refusing Kir’s invitation to give me a job, I wanted to keep the line I had set.
“If you don’t you ask for it now, won’t you regret it later?”
“I think I will regret it even more.”
I was not the one who refuses money that comes in, so I don’t know why I’m making this choice. The Grand Duke continued to look at me with observing eyes, but he deliberately did not control his expression so that I would notice.
But will the Grand Duke rather look at this hopeful little child? He looked at me. He looked like he had a plan and I refused it. What the hell are you looking at me for!
“You’re not a child who asked for a reward.”
“At that time, Father was injured. If this was a life-threatening matter, I would have asked for more.”
If Father hadn’t been injured while trying to save the Grand Duke, I wouldn’t have asked for compensation that much. It was only natural that there was a difference between those who had physical damage and those that did not. It was strange to think that the matter at that time was equivalent to this matter now.
The Grand Duke didn’t say anything. But somehow it seemed that he didn’t know the difference between the two. Or he may be thinking about which carrot to present.
“Anyway, I don’t think I should get a reward for studying with Kir. I don’t want you to talk about rewards anymore.”
Since the conversation wouldn’t be beneficial if it was continued longer, I’ve decided not to comment further. I don’t know if I’m teaching Kir to study, but it doesn’t seem like it’s right to want something just because we’re taking classes together.
When I came to that conclusion, the thought that this was a waste that had remained for a while completely disappeared. I sighed like a liberated person. It made me feel somewhat relieved to shake off even a single drop of regret.
I know I'm selfish. A stable future was my top priority, so I always relentlessly choose the one that benefits me. I thought that not being able to take care of my share was rather stupid, so I was not ashamed of these values.But now, the moment I accepted the Grand Duke's offer, it seemed that I would become a filthy human. Even the humanity that I had had become a thing that was thrown away.When I get paid for the time I spend with Kir, could this relationship be called a pure friendship?Of course, I didn't like Kir. Chasing me like a duckling imprinted on its mother is annoying. I don't like him that gets angry at times and asks to be slapped on the cheek. When Kir childishly whines, I sigh. Taking classes with Kir was also my loss. It's a pity, but it's also a burden when Kir sometimes shows a weak appearance.As I mumbled this, I felt that being with Kir had far more bad things than good things. In many ways, Kir was a helpless existence in my life. Even now, I wanted to get rid of him.However, I still considered Kir a friend. Not a best friend, but a friend who occupied a space in my childhood memories.It's a good thing that the Grand Duke wanted to give me a reward. But I didn't want to lose my humanity to that extent.Besides, can I be honest with Kir after taking money for dealing with him? Will I be able to act as proudly as I am now in front of that boy who can't even trust me and even look up to me? And how will Kir, who knows about it, see me and the Grand Duke?I didn't come to Kir voluntarily and became friends, but I didn't want the time we had spent together for a year tainted like a stain.In fact, the Grand Duke's words were not strange. This was the culture here. High nobles who had children would deliberately call the children of lower nobles and assign them as playmates for their children. The low-ranking nobles thus gained a standing as the playmates of the high-ranking nobles, but they were still subordinates. Because you can't go against the feelings of a high-status other person.In return for such time, the low-ranking nobles received certain benefits from the high-ranking noble families. From my point of view, they built relationships that were not pure friends. It was a rational and logical decision for the Grand Duke, but not for me. I struggled to suppress some of the rising emotions.All right. The class will continue. But I don't need any reward.The Grand Duke's fingers, which were resting on the armrests, trembled. As if he didn't expect that I was going to refuse, he had an unexpected look on his face.Why won't you get any reward?First of all, Father will not like it. He will think of it as making a profit by selling his daughter.I'll take care of it secretly from Commander Hertman.The Grand Duke was the one who spends more time with Father than I do. He would have known Father's character. So the Grand Duke threw out a negotiation proposal that he would handle it secretly rather than questioning me when I said that Father would not like it.It would be a sweet word if he truly meant it, but I wasn't happy with it. So I shook my head.It's not just for that reason. The biggest reason is my personal heart.I didn't want to do that to Kir. My conscience was already worn out and worn out after I slapped Kir on the cheek, but I didn't want to fall to the bottom. Just like refusing Kir's invitation to give me a job, I wanted to keep the line I had set.If you don't you ask for it now, won't you regret it later?I think I will regret it even more.I was not the one who refuses money that comes in, so I don't know why I'm making this choice. The Grand Duke continued to look at me with observing eyes, but he deliberately did not control his expression so that I would notice.But will the Grand Duke rather look at this hopeful little child? He looked at me. He looked like he had a plan and I refused it. What the hell are you looking at me for!You're not a child who asked for a reward.At that time, Father was injured. If this was a life-threatening matter, I would have asked for more.If Father hadn't been injured while trying to save the Grand Duke, I wouldn't have asked for compensation that much. It was only natural that there was a difference between those who had physical damage and those that did not. It was strange to think that the matter at that time was equivalent to this matter now.The Grand Duke didn't say anything. But somehow it seemed that he didn't know the difference between the two. Or he may be thinking about which carrot to present.Anyway, I don't think I should get a reward for studying with Kir. I don't want you to talk about rewards anymore.Since the conversation wouldn't be beneficial if it was continued longer, I've decided not to comment further. I don't know if I'm teaching Kir to study, but it doesn't seem like it's right to want something just because we're taking classes together.When I came to that conclusion, the thought that this was a waste that had remained for a while completely disappeared. I sighed like a liberated person. It made me feel somewhat relieved to shake off even a single drop of regret.
