In the guildmaster's palm was a ring.
Not a signet ring, the likes of which I wore during my royal functions. This one possessed no emblems or engravings. It was a simple ring made of pure copper, and yet I was regularly informed that it was as famed as any banner.
I leaned in, assessing its quality, or lack of, with a feeling of utter disbelief. Not only due to the circumstances which led me to inquire about the financial benefits of joining the Adventurer's Guild, but also the rank it entailed me receiving.
“F-rank?” I asked, stunned.
“F-rank,” replied the guildmaster, rightfully looking sheepish. “Naturally, there will be ample opportunity to rise swiftly through the ranks with meritorious service. But all adventurers must start from the bottom. It's why the profession is sometimes referred to as the oldest ladder.”
I could scarcely believe what I was hearing.
I had neither the care nor the intention of rising through any ranks. But even so, this was the lowest possible status among the pecking order of adventurers!
The insult was palpable!
“You cannot be serious,” I said to the guildmaster. “To be offered such a low rank is preposterous. Why, it took me less than an evening to solve … this!”
I pointed outwards. It didn't matter where. There were farmlands in every direction. And I'd just saved all of them.
A bead of sweat appeared between the guildmaster's brow.
“I, uh, would like to do more. But to already offer you a ring with so little process is to use all the special dispensation I can offer. Nevertheless, I feel that it is the least someone of your noble calling deserves.”
I was speechless.
Yes, the vast majority of adventurers were glorified hoodlums, but some were worthy of standing before the Royal Court. In times present and past, a few names had sufficiently murdered enough basilisks, krakens and badgers to warrant a place of honour within the kingdom. But those were few and far between.
Naturally, I did not consider my murdering abilities worthy of standing beside such esteemed company as … well, I didn't actually care to learn their names.
But even so—
I was the wielder of Starlight Grace!
A sword clearly powerful enough to carry me well beyond my lack of training! Why, with this utterly unfair sword alone, I should be recognised as … well, something higher than F-rank!
Anything higher! Even … Even E-rank was enough!
“I feel in awe,” said Coppelia, cheery as the bright face of the moon peeping through the window. “There are no adventurers where I'm from. Even so, I've heard about the world renowned adventurer, Juliette the F-ranked. To think that I'd get to walk beside a legend in such an agonisingly dull town! The world truly is a small place.”
I let out a small groan as I suffered the indignity of it all.
Here I was, officially the busiest person in the kingdom, and yet I still had to worry about daily living expenses?!
This! This right here! This was the problem! How were we supposed to encourage farm boys to pick up legendary swords from the ground if the job also didn't allow them to live in well-deserved luxury?
This was the difference between the Kingdom of Tirea and the Northern Realm of Ouzelia. Their heroes received a publicly funded salary. Yet here I was, merely being offered to join as an F-rank adventurer. And all that meant was that I'd live in squalor until I'd saved enough cats from trees.
Special dispensation?!
An F-rank adventurer was practically a beggar!
No, no, no. Changes would have to be made. Ouzelia may be filled with oddballs, but they did have one thing right.
Once I'd fixed two-thirds … no, half of the kingdom's woes, I'd immediately petition for every peppy town girl and freckled farm boy who finds a sword in a field, lake or stone to receive a hero's stipend under the direct employ of the kingdom. As long as they were enough of a nuisance to low-level miscreants that our trained knights could focus on the true threats, then they would be well worth the crowns.
They'd certainly be more effective than the Adventurer's Guild! What exactly have they been doing all this time? If they weren't preventing national threats from rising, what good were they?!
It already stretched the limits of my charitable nature to even consider the worthiness of offering my time to this guild of vultures. And now I had my answer.
There was a far less demeaning path available to me. One fit for a princess.
Rather than adventuring … I would simply acquire the funds myself!
“I understand,” I said. “I thank you for the offer, but I must decline.”
The guildmaster looked down at the table. Still, he didn't withdraw his palm or the ring nestled atop it.
“Is there truly no way to change your mind? I have no doubt that someone of your calibre could rise through the ranks swiftly, if that is your concern.”
“I possess more concerns than that, but it would be one of them. I cannot spare the time needed to rise up from the abyss of F-rank for the simple sake of acquiring crowns. While it's true that my business of single-handedly fixing everything is suffering cash flow issues, I believe I can alleviate my lack of funds by my own means.”
I smiled as a clear picture came to mind.
That of Coppelia carrying several sacks of paintings, jewellery, weapons and coins.
Ohohoho! Did this bizarrely dressed man believe I'd forgotten how I came upon his doorstep, laden with spoils? What need did I have of a third party to offer me scraps when I could simply requisition the funds I needed from the knaves which hounded our cities and countryside?
Anything illicitly taken from the kingdom was illicitly taken from me! And that included those huge sacks Coppelia was swinging around like flower baskets earlier! Sacks which contained everything I needed to ensure I could solve the kingdom's perils while living in the luxury I deserved!
“Now, guildmaster, before I leave, I would like to request that you present the spoils I'd earlier provided. There's been a mistake.”
“A … A mistake?”
“Yes. All those sacks. I need them.”
The guildmaster blinked.
“As per your request, we delivered the sacks immediately to the local garrison for safekeeping.”
“... Excuse me?”
I couldn't believe it.
The sacks were gone? Already? Meaning they only now chose to work promptly? These layabouts, who would only run if there was a keg of watery alcohol at the finishing line? This had to be sabotage.
The guildmaster nodded.
“Yes, uh, I believe there was talk about utilising the funds for repairing the old stables. Rolstein currently has none fit for purpose. Horses are tied directly outside establishments, or left to wander in the bleak fields.”
I pursed my lips.
Suddenly, I thought of Apple tied up alone outside the alchemy shop, foraging for daisies long gone in the cauldrons.
“That's ... That's good, then … A worthy cause … yes, horses deserve a place to properly rest ...”
“Hey, hey, Juliette.” I received a nudge to my side. It was less irksome than the treasonous amusement in Coppelia's voice. “You sure you don't want to go over there and ask for your stuff back? All those shiny crowns, bits of jewellery and other filthy lucre in those sacks I hoofed around? I bet they'd be really useful for buying things. Food and lodging. Those kinds of things.”
I refused to dignify Coppelia's enjoyment with a response.
Mostly because I didn't need to. My goal was to restore the kingdom's finances. Not to build a treasure horde for myself. I had zero regrets about failing to requisition any of those sacks for myself.
Why, if it's for the sake of propping up the Royal Treasury, I would gladly donate every copper crown I had at my disposal. This will never change.
However … !
Things were different now!
I was now responsible for the upkeep of a personal handmaiden, not just an attendant!
As a result, I was now obliged to set aside and maintain a certain number of crowns just for her.
Yes ... it would need to be enough to pay for all of Coppelia's expenses, such as hotel rooms, buffets, baths and newly released adventure romance novels. As a clockwork doll, she likely had other specialised needs as well. Perhaps feather pillows and some manner of magical, portable bed. The amount of crowns I'd need to keep in reserve would be a significant percentage of my finds. The Royal Treasury would suffer, but such was the way of things.
Really now. Coppelia was such an incredibly demanding handmaiden.
A problem, then, as I currently lacked the funds to pay for her extravagant expenses.
Thus—
I looked at the guildmaster.
I'd just saved his town. Adventurer or not, I intended to receive due compensation for my time, my hair and my state of attire.
“Uh, excuse me for asking …” he began, looking at me uncertainly. “But by any chance, are you under the impression that lower ranked adventurers cannot receive crowns for higher ranked commissions?”
“Is that not the case?”
“No, of course not. While the Adventurer's Guild has a Guild Code in place to prevent adventurers from taking tasks beyond their means, we would, of course, still pay out in full any commission completed by members regardless of rank. It's quite common for an F-rank adventurer to take on E-rank quests, or higher if they're particularly capable when they join. It's the primary means of climbing the old ladder.”
“My interest isn't in climbing any ladders. I've done it twice today too many. My only interest is in crowns and ...”
Suddenly, I held up my hand.
“Stop.”
“Huh? I wasn't saying any—”
“Stop there. Don't speak. I'm thinking. I ... I believe the start of a genius idea is forming in my mind.”
The guildmaster opened his mouth.
However, any words he was saying were drowned out by the millions, no, quadrazillions of predictions, permutations and possibilities intersecting in the depths of my mind.
Oho …
Ohoho … ohoho …
Ohhohoohhohooohoho … !!!
This man … this guild … these … these plankton with the wit of rolling pebbles! They had no idea what they were offering me!
Genius. I … I was a genius! Ohohohohoho!
“Um … Juliette, is everything—”
“Wait. I'm laughing in my mind.”
“Huh?”
Ohohohoho! Fools! Did the Adventurer's Guild think they could use me?
I would use them!
Why, I intended to fix every crippling issue with the kingdom! And as there was zero possibility that all the ills that befell this fair land weren't already plastered on a wall like some peeling commission for fetching lost trinkets.
That meant I could have my cake and eat it too!
If I was already saving the kingdom in any event, then I could double dip and receive the exorbitant commission rewards from single-handedly rescuing the nation and receive the spoils I'd requisition from the louts who'd dared evade our hard working tax collectors!
Fruit slimes and lost cats? I wasn't going to do that. I was going to save the kingdom from calamity. And those kinds of commissions meant a huge amount of crowns!
… Crowns that I would then use to fund my farm boys-into-heroes stipend! I would follow the Ouzelian model! I would see every adventurer in this kingdom replaced by a salaried hero under the direct employ of me and my family!
I would use the guild's own funds to put themselves out of the job by finding, training and paying for their next generation of replacements!
Oh … ohoho … ohohohohohoho!!!!
The thought was … it was too delicious! It was so insidious! And they'd never know what happened! I could not only rid the kingdom of the disasters plaguing this land, but also do away with the worst political upstarts this continent had ever seen!
No longer would adventurers elbow into our national affairs with contempt of their own neutrality policy! With a band of officially sanctioned heroes and heroines under the Royal Treasury's purse strings, they would be as loyal as our greatest knights!
And they would never be allowed to slack!
This … This was it!
The ultimate plan to do away with everything souring this kingdom! Including nosy adventurers butting in each time my family's carriage procession ran over somebody's barn!
Oh … why was I so smart?! Why was I born with such unparalleled intellect?! Will anyone in my lifetime ever match the wit and beauty that I convey with every word, thought and motion?!
“I'll do it!” I said, holding out my palm.
“You'll do what?” replied the confused guildmaster, unable to comprehend my schemes upon schemes. “Sorry, but you've lost me. And what do you mean by, uh, laughing in your mind, exactly?”
“I'll do it! I'll become an adventurer!”
I reached out my palm further, my smile lighting up the dour common room of this guild branch more than even Starlight Grace ever could.
“R-Really?” said the guildmaster, his expression both puzzled and concerned. “May I ask why? You seemed rather adamant just a few moments ago.”
“My apologies. I wasn't aware that even F-ranked adventurers could receive the same rewards as higher ranked ones. While the insult to my standing still remains, I'm willing to accept the loss of reputation if it means my noble pursuit of ridding this kingdom of all its pests may be achieved.”
The guildmaster's face lit up with a smile almost as equal to mine.
“A common misunderstanding! Then, it's settled! Juliette, in recognition of your services to Rolstein, I'm delighted to offer you your guild ring. Should you accept it, you will become a member of one of the oldest and most esteemed institutions to have graced Tirea's history.”
“Oh my … I would only be too delighted to accept.”
And so—
The guildmaster of Rolstein offered the copper ring, never knowing that in doing so, he had just set in motion the doom of the Adventurer's Guild in the Kingdom of Tirea.
“… Ohhohohohohohho!!”
“Excuse me, uh, Coppelia, was it? Why is she—?”
“She does that. Don't worry about it.”
In the guildmaster's palm was a ring.
Not a signet ring, the likes of which I wore during my royal functions. This one possessed no emblems or engravings. It was a simple ring made of pure copper, and yet I was regularly informed that it was as famed as any banner.
I leaned in, assessing its quality, or lack of, with a feeling of utter disbelief. Not only due to the circumstances which led me to inquire about the financial benefits of joining the Adventurer's Guild, but also the rank it entailed me receiving.
“F-rank?” I asked, stunned.
“F-rank,” replied the guildmaster, rightfully looking sheepish. “Naturally, there will be ample opportunity to rise swiftly through the ranks with meritorious service. But all adventurers must start from the bottom. It's why the profession is sometimes referred to as the oldest ladder.”
I could scarcely believe what I was hearing.
I had neither the care nor the intention of rising through any ranks. But even so, this was the lowest possible status among the pecking order of adventurers!
The insult was palpable!
“You cannot be serious,” I said to the guildmaster. “To be offered such a low rank is preposterous. Why, it took me less than an evening to solve … this!”
I pointed outwards. It didn't matter where. There were farmlands in every direction. And I'd just saved all of them.
A bead of sweat appeared between the guildmaster's brow.
“I, uh, would like to do more. But to already offer you a ring with so little process is to use all the special dispensation I can offer. Nevertheless, I feel that it is the least someone of your noble calling deserves.”
I was speechless.
Yes, the vast majority of adventurers were glorified hoodlums, but some were worthy of standing before the Royal Court. In times present and past, a few names had sufficiently murdered enough basilisks, krakens and badgers to warrant a place of honour within the kingdom. But those were few and far between.
Naturally, I did not consider my murdering abilities worthy of standing beside such esteemed company as … well, I didn't actually care to learn their names.
But even so—
I was the wielder of Starlight Grace!
A sword clearly powerful enough to carry me well beyond my lack of training! Why, with this utterly unfair sword alone, I should be recognised as … well, something higher than F-rank!
Anything higher! Even … Even E-rank was enough!
“I feel in awe,” said Coppelia, cheery as the bright face of the moon peeping through the window. “There are no adventurers where I'm from. Even so, I've heard about the world renowned adventurer, Juliette the F-ranked. To think that I'd get to walk beside a legend in such an agonisingly dull town! The world truly is a small place.”
I let out a small groan as I suffered the indignity of it all.
Here I was, officially the busiest person in the kingdom, and yet I still had to worry about daily living expenses?!
This! This right here! This was the problem! How were we supposed to encourage farm boys to pick up legendary swords from the ground if the job also didn't allow them to live in well-deserved luxury?
This was the difference between the Kingdom of Tirea and the Northern Realm of Ouzelia. Their heroes received a publicly funded salary. Yet here I was, merely being offered to join as an F-rank adventurer. And all that meant was that I'd live in squalor until I'd saved enough cats from trees.
Special dispensation?!
An F-rank adventurer was practically a beggar!
No, no, no. Changes would have to be made. Ouzelia may be filled with oddballs, but they did have one thing right.
Once I'd fixed two-thirds … no, half of the kingdom's woes, I'd immediately petition for every peppy town girl and freckled farm boy who finds a sword in a field, lake or stone to receive a hero's stipend under the direct employ of the kingdom. As long as they were enough of a nuisance to low-level miscreants that our trained knights could focus on the true threats, then they would be well worth the crowns.
They'd certainly be more effective than the Adventurer's Guild! What exactly have they been doing all this time? If they weren't preventing national threats from rising, what good were they?!
It already stretched the limits of my charitable nature to even consider the worthiness of offering my time to this guild of vultures. And now I had my answer.
There was a far less demeaning path available to me. One fit for a princess.
Rather than adventuring … I would simply acquire the funds myself!
“I understand,” I said. “I thank you for the offer, but I must decline.”
The guildmaster looked down at the table. Still, he didn't withdraw his palm or the ring nestled atop it.
“Is there truly no way to change your mind? I have no doubt that someone of your calibre could rise through the ranks swiftly, if that is your concern.”
“I possess more concerns than that, but it would be one of them. I cannot spare the time needed to rise up from the abyss of F-rank for the simple sake of acquiring crowns. While it's true that my business of single-handedly fixing everything is suffering cash flow issues, I believe I can alleviate my lack of funds by my own means.”
I smiled as a clear picture came to mind.
That of Coppelia carrying several sacks of paintings, jewellery, weapons and coins.
Ohohoho! Did this bizarrely dressed man believe I'd forgotten how I came upon his doorstep, laden with spoils? What need did I have of a third party to offer me scraps when I could simply requisition the funds I needed from the knaves which hounded our cities and countryside?
Anything illicitly taken from the kingdom was illicitly taken from me! And that included those huge sacks Coppelia was swinging around like flower baskets earlier! Sacks which contained everything I needed to ensure I could solve the kingdom's perils while living in the luxury I deserved!
“Now, guildmaster, before I leave, I would like to request that you present the spoils I'd earlier provided. There's been a mistake.”
“A … A mistake?”
“Yes. All those sacks. I need them.”
The guildmaster blinked.
“As per your request, we delivered the sacks immediately to the local garrison for safekeeping.”
“... Excuse me?”
I couldn't believe it.
The sacks were gone? Already? Meaning they only now chose to work promptly? These layabouts, who would only run if there was a keg of watery alcohol at the finishing line? This had to be sabotage.
The guildmaster nodded.
“Yes, uh, I believe there was talk about utilising the funds for repairing the old stables. Rolstein currently has none fit for purpose. Horses are tied directly outside establishments, or left to wander in the bleak fields.”
I pursed my lips.
Suddenly, I thought of Apple tied up alone outside the alchemy shop, foraging for daisies long gone in the cauldrons.
“That's ... That's good, then … A worthy cause … yes, horses deserve a place to properly rest ...”
“Hey, hey, Juliette.” I received a nudge to my side. It was less irksome than the treasonous amusement in Coppelia's voice. “You sure you don't want to go over there and ask for your stuff back? All those shiny crowns, bits of jewellery and other filthy lucre in those sacks I hoofed around? I bet they'd be really useful for buying things. Food and lodging. Those kinds of things.”
I refused to dignify Coppelia's enjoyment with a response.
Mostly because I didn't need to. My goal was to restore the kingdom's finances. Not to build a treasure horde for myself. I had zero regrets about failing to requisition any of those sacks for myself.
Why, if it's for the sake of propping up the Royal Treasury, I would gladly donate every copper crown I had at my disposal. This will never change.
However … !
Things were different now!
I was now responsible for the upkeep of a personal handmaiden, not just an attendant!
As a result, I was now obliged to set aside and maintain a certain number of crowns just for her.
Yes ... it would need to be enough to pay for all of Coppelia's expenses, such as hotel rooms, buffets, baths and newly released adventure romance novels. As a clockwork doll, she likely had other specialised needs as well. Perhaps feather pillows and some manner of magical, portable bed. The amount of crowns I'd need to keep in reserve would be a significant percentage of my finds. The Royal Treasury would suffer, but such was the way of things.
Really now. Coppelia was such an incredibly demanding handmaiden.
A problem, then, as I currently lacked the funds to pay for her extravagant expenses.
Thus—
I looked at the guildmaster.
I'd just saved his town. Adventurer or not, I intended to receive due compensation for my time, my hair and my state of attire.
“Uh, excuse me for asking …” he began, looking at me uncertainly. “But by any chance, are you under the impression that lower ranked adventurers cannot receive crowns for higher ranked commissions?”
“Is that not the case?”
“No, of course not. While the Adventurer's Guild has a Guild Code in place to prevent adventurers from taking tasks beyond their means, we would, of course, still pay out in full any commission completed by members regardless of rank. It's quite common for an F-rank adventurer to take on E-rank quests, or higher if they're particularly capable when they join. It's the primary means of climbing the old ladder.”
“My interest isn't in climbing any ladders. I've done it twice today too many. My only interest is in crowns and ...”
Suddenly, I held up my hand.
“Stop.”
“Huh? I wasn't saying any—”
“Stop there. Don't speak. I'm thinking. I ... I believe the start of a genius idea is forming in my mind.”
The guildmaster opened his mouth.
However, any words he was saying were drowned out by the millions, no, quadrazillions of predictions, permutations and possibilities intersecting in the depths of my mind.
Oho …
Ohoho … ohoho …
Ohhohoohhohooohoho … !!!
This man … this guild … these … these plankton with the wit of rolling pebbles! They had no idea what they were offering me!
Genius. I … I was a genius! Ohohohohoho!
“Um … Juliette, is everything—”
“Wait. I'm laughing in my mind.”
“Huh?”
Ohohohoho! Fools! Did the Adventurer's Guild think they could use me?
I would use them!
Why, I intended to fix every crippling issue with the kingdom! And as there was zero possibility that all the ills that befell this fair land weren't already plastered on a wall like some peeling commission for fetching lost trinkets.
That meant I could have my cake and eat it too!
If I was already saving the kingdom in any event, then I could double dip and receive the exorbitant commission rewards from single-handedly rescuing the nation and receive the spoils I'd requisition from the louts who'd dared evade our hard working tax collectors!
Fruit slimes and lost cats? I wasn't going to do that. I was going to save the kingdom from calamity. And those kinds of commissions meant a huge amount of crowns!
… Crowns that I would then use to fund my farm boys-into-heroes stipend! I would follow the Ouzelian model! I would see every adventurer in this kingdom replaced by a salaried hero under the direct employ of me and my family!
I would use the guild's own funds to put themselves out of the job by finding, training and paying for their next generation of replacements!
Oh … ohoho … ohohohohohoho!!!!
The thought was … it was too delicious! It was so insidious! And they'd never know what happened! I could not only rid the kingdom of the disasters plaguing this land, but also do away with the worst political upstarts this continent had ever seen!
No longer would adventurers elbow into our national affairs with contempt of their own neutrality policy! With a band of officially sanctioned heroes and heroines under the Royal Treasury's purse strings, they would be as loyal as our greatest knights!
And they would never be allowed to slack!
This … This was it!
The ultimate plan to do away with everything souring this kingdom! Including nosy adventurers butting in each time my family's carriage procession ran over somebody's barn!
Oh … why was I so smart?! Why was I born with such unparalleled intellect?! Will anyone in my lifetime ever match the wit and beauty that I convey with every word, thought and motion?!
“I'll do it!” I said, holding out my palm.
“You'll do what?” replied the confused guildmaster, unable to comprehend my schemes upon schemes. “Sorry, but you've lost me. And what do you mean by, uh, laughing in your mind, exactly?”
“I'll do it! I'll become an adventurer!”
I reached out my palm further, my smile lighting up the dour common room of this guild branch more than even Starlight Grace ever could.
“R-Really?” said the guildmaster, his expression both puzzled and concerned. “May I ask why? You seemed rather adamant just a few moments ago.”
“My apologies. I wasn't aware that even F-ranked adventurers could receive the same rewards as higher ranked ones. While the insult to my standing still remains, I'm willing to accept the loss of reputation if it means my noble pursuit of ridding this kingdom of all its pests may be achieved.”
The guildmaster's face lit up with a smile almost as equal to mine.
“A common misunderstanding! Then, it's settled! Juliette, in recognition of your services to Rolstein, I'm delighted to offer you your guild ring. Should you accept it, you will become a member of one of the oldest and most esteemed institutions to have graced Tirea's history.”
“Oh my … I would only be too delighted to accept.”
And so—
The guildmaster of Rolstein offered the copper ring, never knowing that in doing so, he had just set in motion the doom of the Adventurer's Guild in the Kingdom of Tirea.
“… Ohhohohohohohho!!”
“Excuse me, uh, Coppelia, was it? Why is she—?”
“She does that. Don't worry about it.”
