I found Apple chewing at the door handle to the alchemy shop. He raised his head when he saw me, snorted, then went back to chewing the wood.
I shooed him away, then gave him the last apple from the saddlebags instead.
Today had been a productive day for the both of us. I'd done away with miscreants and mages both, and he'd done away with everything green in a large circle around where he was tied up. Given enough time, I was certain he would have chewed through the door handle as well, and then the door itself.
It would have been marvellously useful. We needed to go through it.
Coppelia and I had unfinished business here. Officially requisitioning Apple back into my employ as my noble, if rather slow steed was a must. But so was ensuring that any evidence of Marina Lainsfont's crimes was secured, as well as hints on where she could have gone.
Neither of us expected to find Marina in the shop itself. But it was the abode of a powerful mage. And that meant the possibility of unforeseen danger.
We'd need to be respectful of potential traps, and that meant discretion.
“[Coppelia Kick]!”
Prooowwph.
Thus, the door to her shop flew inside as Coppelia roundhouse kicked it with a smile.
“What happened to discretion?!” I said, aghast at the damage it could have caused Coppelia's shoes. They were the nicest things she owned. “You said you were going to check the door for traps!”
“I did check the door for traps!”
“Then why is it now on the floor?!”
“There are two ways to check for traps. The dumb way and the Coppelia way. Dumb people cast counterspells and fiddle with locks until eventually, their spells and fancy hands fail one time and they blow up. Poof! If I kick the door down, then there's nothing to open and nothing to trigger.”
“You don't need to say the Coppelia way. You can just say wanton violence.”
“It works, though!” Coppelia stuck her leg past the doorway, paused, then skipped inside while pretending she hadn't just waited to see if she blew up. “And besides, it was a door. What are doors for if not to kick down?”
I raised an eyebrow. I also didn't walk in after her.
“Your library doesn't have any doors, does it?”
“Not anymore, no,” she said cheerfully. “Coming in?”
I waited five seconds for any explosions to occur, then followed after her. If Marina Lainsfont had planted a trap to detonate after more than five seconds, then she deserved her victory.
Inside, I was now experiencing my first act of breaking and entering a private property. Regardless of the criminal status of the owner, this was still trespass.
Luckily, laws didn't apply to me!
As a princess, any property was my own should I deem it to be. I could name a bench in the middle of a city as my private abode and anyone who sat on it would be charged with lèse-majesté. But while the option was available to me, it was problematic since I was currently masterfully incognito.
Fortunately, that problem had just solved itself.
I wasn't just here as a princess. True, I was 99% here as a princess as anything less would make me irredeemable in my own eyes. But I was also here as a newly inducted adventurer. And while that 1% meant shame and disappointment on my family name and royal heritage, it did come with a useful advantage.
Namely, that if anyone asked me why I was committing a host of minor offences, I could direct all liability onto the Adventurer's Guild!
Ohohohoho! Those fools! I'd bleed them and their reputation dry! It wasn't often I had the opportunity to plan the demise of the Adventurer's Guild, but now that I did, I took it with gusto.
I would brazenly ignore the law as usual, but now it would be the guild and not my family that were the target of the peasantry's vitriol!
My carefully constructed plan to diminish the Adventurer's Guild in the eyes of the people was taking shape. And it'd start with the ruckus Coppelia and I caused as we made our way through the narrow shop.
“The odour has become more pungent,” I noted, wrinkling my nose as I eyed the ingredients on the walls. “I thought it would become more bearable without anything green or purple or skull shaped simmering in the background.”
“Actually, I think that simmering helped overpower our senses so much that everything just became warm and hazy. Without it, we get everything as it is. Natural and raw and full of wholesome goodness.”
“I think I preferred it when it was an alarming miasma.”
“Get used to it. Adventurers dig around all the worst smelling places. That's where all the lost cats are.”
And that's where all the lost cats will stay.
Ohoho … unfortunately for our feline friends, I wasn't a cat person. I was a me person. And I cherished myself and my sense of personal hygiene dearly!
“I'll remind you that I'm an adventurer in name alone. Rest assured that any task I complete is for my own benefit, and that the Adventure's Guild is merely a fund to draw from.”
“By finding lost cats, right? I mean, they must have a huge fund for that.”
“Then it simply means there will be plenty of wide-eyed adventurers who are willing to degrade themselves with such menial tasks.”
Coppelia ceased her stooping around just to grin at me.
“And I bet they'll climb the ranks way faster than you because of it. How terrible would that be, huh? You might be F-rank forever!”
I winced.
F-rank! The … The indignity of it! The sooner the Adventurer's Guild were removed as a force in this kingdom, the better! And it had nothing to do with the sheer absurdity of the rank I'd received!
“I have no care for the arbitrary ranking system of the Adventurer's Guild,” I said, valiantly keeping the shame at bay. “Both you and I have more pressing matters to attend to than rescuing cats.”
Why, even the thought of doing a single commission which wasn't related to saving the kingdom filled me with horror. I would rather shame myself by returning to the Royal Villa with my head cowed than do anything to risk normalising fetching lost pets. That was for people like … what was his name?
Something Oddwell. The strange adventurer who'd dropped on his knees to beg for my time.
Rising through the ranks concerned people like him, not me. I was no commoner who saw prestige in adventuring through the wilderness for plaudits. Rather, to be viewed as an adventurer was abject humiliation! Who would become a wanderer of cellars and sewers if they had the acumen to seek fame and fortune through wit and diplomacy?
“I'm almost a little jealous, you know?” said Coppelia, her hands ransacking through bags, drawers and shelves. She wasn't even looking at what she pulled out. “If I wasn't an assistant librarian, I'd definitely want to see what all the fuss concerning adventuring is about.”
“Only the unimaginative fuss about adventuring. For me, this is a financial transaction. Nothing more.”
“Ooh! Who's buying what?”
“I'll sell an iota of my time as I tear down a notice for solving a kingdom-wide calamity, and in return, the guild will spill out its coffers for my assistance.”
Coppelia let out a laugh. It stopped as soon as she pulled out the strangely shaped skull from a barrel. Then she put on a huge grin as she started playing with its eye sockets.
“A reluctant adventurer,” she mused. “First time I've heard about that. I thought every wealthy girl and boy wanted to become one. You know, to get away from your stifling duties and horrendous expectations?”
I hid my smile behind my hand.
Ohohoho … my fair clockwork maiden, how little she knew!
I was not my siblings, cursed to trade smiles with the firstborn sons of mere barons as though they were worth a morsel of our time! No, my responsibilities were far more important! And gratifying!
“If you must know, I happen to be extremely fond of my duties. My orchard is the pride of my life.”
“Okay, well, I don't know what your duties are, but I'm already pretty sure they're different to what most other people do. Even the rich ones.”
Well, naturally!
I was a princess. Only my sisters could compare to me. And even amongst ourselves, none of us shared the same passions. Clarise was enamoured with her inventions and her observatory, while Florella was joyfully causing strife wherever men gazed at her.
Neither of them were quite as normal or level-headed as I was. But I cherished them nonetheless.
Suddenly, Coppelia's expression took on a serious hue.
“I don't know what you're thinking, but I feel strongly that I disagree with it.”
“E-Excuse me! Please don't claim to know what I'm thinking! That's a realm of insight and constant philosophy which would beguile the minds of all others!”
She stood up, blew some dust and dead things from herself, then purposefully eyed my idle hands.
“Is it because your mind's busy that I'm the only one looking for stuff?”
“You barrel through belongings with such disregard and nonchalance. I was enamoured. I believe you have what it takes to become an adventurer, should you ever choose to adopt the profession.”
She laughed at that. I wasn't sure why. That wasn't a joke.
“Saving kingdoms sounds like a pain. But if I finished my reading list and was a bit bored, sure, I'll do what you're doing. You know, the super embarrassing F-ranked thing.”
I gave a flick of my hair in response, resolutely standing still and not helping to sweep my hands through all these … rotting objects.
“A means to an end. Nothing more.”
“It might actually be useful, though? As an adventurer, you get more than crowns. You get information, too. That's important. The Adventurer's Guild is a useful tool. It's one of the first places I asked around in when looking for my book.”
I turned to look at Coppelia, my mouth wide.
Of … Of course!
This is why she was my future handmaiden!
The Adventurer's Guild was more than a bag of crowns! They had assets at their disposal beyond merely coin. Why, they parasited themselves not just in Tirea, but almost every other nation as well—including our neighbours to the east and south.
That meant this was an opportunity to weed out every last drop of information I could about Granholtz, Weinstadt and the Sands. What courtly information could I glean about the Grand Duchess's designs? How lost was the Royal House of Carx to revolt? Where next did the Dune King turn his golden knights and golden eyes?
Knowing how indispensable I'd become, the guild would surely bend over backwards to accommodate my every request!
Indeed, I could make use of this!
“Zilch here,” said Coppelia. “Want to look in the back with me or just stare open mouthed at how graceful I look while tearing through stuff?”
She did a spin for fun, tossing up a bundle of dried petals and herbs as she did so. I closed my mouth, then remembered I still needed to reply.
“You may look. If you still can't find anything, then endeavour to retrieve anything rare and expensive and stuff it in Apple's saddlebags. We've a great deal of expenses to cover and little time to be picky.”
“Rob everything!” Coppelia pumped her fist in the air. “Indiscriminate looting! Fill our pockets! Let's gooo~!”
I went to the counter, then began scouring it for crowns.
Rifling through drawers to expand on my personal funds was certainly a novel experience. But despite Coppelia's assertions, this wasn't robbery or looting or pocket filling. No, no, not at all.
Ohohohoho …. why, this was merely adventuring.
I found Apple chewing at the door handle to the alchemy shop. He raised his head when he saw me, snorted, then went back to chewing the wood.
I shooed him away, then gave him the last apple from the saddlebags instead.
Today had been a productive day for the both of us. I'd done away with miscreants and mages both, and he'd done away with everything green in a large circle around where he was tied up. Given enough time, I was certain he would have chewed through the door handle as well, and then the door itself.
It would have been marvellously useful. We needed to go through it.
Coppelia and I had unfinished business here. Officially requisitioning Apple back into my employ as my noble, if rather slow steed was a must. But so was ensuring that any evidence of Marina Lainsfont's crimes was secured, as well as hints on where she could have gone.
Neither of us expected to find Marina in the shop itself. But it was the abode of a powerful mage. And that meant the possibility of unforeseen danger.
We'd need to be respectful of potential traps, and that meant discretion.
“[Coppelia Kick]!”
Prooowwph.
Thus, the door to her shop flew inside as Coppelia roundhouse kicked it with a smile.
“What happened to discretion?!” I said, aghast at the damage it could have caused Coppelia's shoes. They were the nicest things she owned. “You said you were going to check the door for traps!”
“I did check the door for traps!”
“Then why is it now on the floor?!”
“There are two ways to check for traps. The dumb way and the Coppelia way. Dumb people cast counterspells and fiddle with locks until eventually, their spells and fancy hands fail one time and they blow up. Poof! If I kick the door down, then there's nothing to open and nothing to trigger.”
“You don't need to say the Coppelia way. You can just say wanton violence.”
“It works, though!” Coppelia stuck her leg past the doorway, paused, then skipped inside while pretending she hadn't just waited to see if she blew up. “And besides, it was a door. What are doors for if not to kick down?”
I raised an eyebrow. I also didn't walk in after her.
“Your library doesn't have any doors, does it?”
“Not anymore, no,” she said cheerfully. “Coming in?”
I waited five seconds for any explosions to occur, then followed after her. If Marina Lainsfont had planted a trap to detonate after more than five seconds, then she deserved her victory.
Inside, I was now experiencing my first act of breaking and entering a private property. Regardless of the criminal status of the owner, this was still trespass.
Luckily, laws didn't apply to me!
As a princess, any property was my own should I deem it to be. I could name a bench in the middle of a city as my private abode and anyone who sat on it would be charged with lèse-majesté. But while the option was available to me, it was problematic since I was currently masterfully incognito.
Fortunately, that problem had just solved itself.
I wasn't just here as a princess. True, I was 99% here as a princess as anything less would make me irredeemable in my own eyes. But I was also here as a newly inducted adventurer. And while that 1% meant shame and disappointment on my family name and royal heritage, it did come with a useful advantage.
Namely, that if anyone asked me why I was committing a host of minor offences, I could direct all liability onto the Adventurer's Guild!
Ohohohoho! Those fools! I'd bleed them and their reputation dry! It wasn't often I had the opportunity to plan the demise of the Adventurer's Guild, but now that I did, I took it with gusto.
I would brazenly ignore the law as usual, but now it would be the guild and not my family that were the target of the peasantry's vitriol!
My carefully constructed plan to diminish the Adventurer's Guild in the eyes of the people was taking shape. And it'd start with the ruckus Coppelia and I caused as we made our way through the narrow shop.
“The odour has become more pungent,” I noted, wrinkling my nose as I eyed the ingredients on the walls. “I thought it would become more bearable without anything green or purple or skull shaped simmering in the background.”
“Actually, I think that simmering helped overpower our senses so much that everything just became warm and hazy. Without it, we get everything as it is. Natural and raw and full of wholesome goodness.”
“I think I preferred it when it was an alarming miasma.”
“Get used to it. Adventurers dig around all the worst smelling places. That's where all the lost cats are.”
And that's where all the lost cats will stay.
Ohoho … unfortunately for our feline friends, I wasn't a cat person. I was a me person. And I cherished myself and my sense of personal hygiene dearly!
“I'll remind you that I'm an adventurer in name alone. Rest assured that any task I complete is for my own benefit, and that the Adventure's Guild is merely a fund to draw from.”
“By finding lost cats, right? I mean, they must have a huge fund for that.”
“Then it simply means there will be plenty of wide-eyed adventurers who are willing to degrade themselves with such menial tasks.”
Coppelia ceased her stooping around just to grin at me.
“And I bet they'll climb the ranks way faster than you because of it. How terrible would that be, huh? You might be F-rank forever!”
I winced.
F-rank! The … The indignity of it! The sooner the Adventurer's Guild were removed as a force in this kingdom, the better! And it had nothing to do with the sheer absurdity of the rank I'd received!
“I have no care for the arbitrary ranking system of the Adventurer's Guild,” I said, valiantly keeping the shame at bay. “Both you and I have more pressing matters to attend to than rescuing cats.”
Why, even the thought of doing a single commission which wasn't related to saving the kingdom filled me with horror. I would rather shame myself by returning to the Royal Villa with my head cowed than do anything to risk normalising fetching lost pets. That was for people like … what was his name?
Something Oddwell. The strange adventurer who'd dropped on his knees to beg for my time.
Rising through the ranks concerned people like him, not me. I was no commoner who saw prestige in adventuring through the wilderness for plaudits. Rather, to be viewed as an adventurer was abject humiliation! Who would become a wanderer of cellars and sewers if they had the acumen to seek fame and fortune through wit and diplomacy?
“I'm almost a little jealous, you know?” said Coppelia, her hands ransacking through bags, drawers and shelves. She wasn't even looking at what she pulled out. “If I wasn't an assistant librarian, I'd definitely want to see what all the fuss concerning adventuring is about.”
“Only the unimaginative fuss about adventuring. For me, this is a financial transaction. Nothing more.”
“Ooh! Who's buying what?”
“I'll sell an iota of my time as I tear down a notice for solving a kingdom-wide calamity, and in return, the guild will spill out its coffers for my assistance.”
Coppelia let out a laugh. It stopped as soon as she pulled out the strangely shaped skull from a barrel. Then she put on a huge grin as she started playing with its eye sockets.
“A reluctant adventurer,” she mused. “First time I've heard about that. I thought every wealthy girl and boy wanted to become one. You know, to get away from your stifling duties and horrendous expectations?”
I hid my smile behind my hand.
Ohohoho … my fair clockwork maiden, how little she knew!
I was not my siblings, cursed to trade smiles with the firstborn sons of mere barons as though they were worth a morsel of our time! No, my responsibilities were far more important! And gratifying!
“If you must know, I happen to be extremely fond of my duties. My orchard is the pride of my life.”
“Okay, well, I don't know what your duties are, but I'm already pretty sure they're different to what most other people do. Even the rich ones.”
Well, naturally!
I was a princess. Only my sisters could compare to me. And even amongst ourselves, none of us shared the same passions. Clarise was enamoured with her inventions and her observatory, while Florella was joyfully causing strife wherever men gazed at her.
Neither of them were quite as normal or level-headed as I was. But I cherished them nonetheless.
Suddenly, Coppelia's expression took on a serious hue.
“I don't know what you're thinking, but I feel strongly that I disagree with it.”
“E-Excuse me! Please don't claim to know what I'm thinking! That's a realm of insight and constant philosophy which would beguile the minds of all others!”
She stood up, blew some dust and dead things from herself, then purposefully eyed my idle hands.
“Is it because your mind's busy that I'm the only one looking for stuff?”
“You barrel through belongings with such disregard and nonchalance. I was enamoured. I believe you have what it takes to become an adventurer, should you ever choose to adopt the profession.”
She laughed at that. I wasn't sure why. That wasn't a joke.
“Saving kingdoms sounds like a pain. But if I finished my reading list and was a bit bored, sure, I'll do what you're doing. You know, the super embarrassing F-ranked thing.”
I gave a flick of my hair in response, resolutely standing still and not helping to sweep my hands through all these … rotting objects.
“A means to an end. Nothing more.”
“It might actually be useful, though? As an adventurer, you get more than crowns. You get information, too. That's important. The Adventurer's Guild is a useful tool. It's one of the first places I asked around in when looking for my book.”
I turned to look at Coppelia, my mouth wide.
Of … Of course!
This is why she was my future handmaiden!
The Adventurer's Guild was more than a bag of crowns! They had assets at their disposal beyond merely coin. Why, they parasited themselves not just in Tirea, but almost every other nation as well—including our neighbours to the east and south.
That meant this was an opportunity to weed out every last drop of information I could about Granholtz, Weinstadt and the Sands. What courtly information could I glean about the Grand Duchess's designs? How lost was the Royal House of Carx to revolt? Where next did the Dune King turn his golden knights and golden eyes?
Knowing how indispensable I'd become, the guild would surely bend over backwards to accommodate my every request!
Indeed, I could make use of this!
“Zilch here,” said Coppelia. “Want to look in the back with me or just stare open mouthed at how graceful I look while tearing through stuff?”
She did a spin for fun, tossing up a bundle of dried petals and herbs as she did so. I closed my mouth, then remembered I still needed to reply.
“You may look. If you still can't find anything, then endeavour to retrieve anything rare and expensive and stuff it in Apple's saddlebags. We've a great deal of expenses to cover and little time to be picky.”
“Rob everything!” Coppelia pumped her fist in the air. “Indiscriminate looting! Fill our pockets! Let's gooo~!”
I went to the counter, then began scouring it for crowns.
Rifling through drawers to expand on my personal funds was certainly a novel experience. But despite Coppelia's assertions, this wasn't robbery or looting or pocket filling. No, no, not at all.
Ohohohoho …. why, this was merely adventuring.
