I had an acrimonious relationship with snow.
It had all the downsides of rain without any of the upsides. The snow served as no healing balm for either the apple trees in my orchard or the stains outside my window. And so my memories of winter in the Royal Villa consisted of studiously defending my prized botanical creations from the perils of ice and snow.
That's why—
Starlight Grace burned bright in my hand as I stood before the swirling blizzard.
But I was no peasant wishing to upstage a knight on the stage of courtship. I was a princess with a royal duty to defend my standard of living. And neither snow nor magic would prevent me from achieving my goals.
Because this stretch of the Wovencoille was the property of the Kingdom of Tirea.
These were my own lands. And upon it, I would go wherever I pleased.
“Ooooh~” said Coppelia, poking at the blizzard with a fingertip. “This is definitely a new experience!”
It truly was.
This ... entity was even more unnatural up close.
There was no wild flinging of ice or snow as the blizzard raged. It was compact. A wall of raging currents so distinct it could be pressed upon with a palm.
Not mine, obviously.
But for those with limbs of enchanted steel, I was certain it was quite the novel experience. And also very unhealthy.
“That cannot possibly be good for your cogs.”
“Probably not. But I have a long bucket list of things of questionable safety to try out. And poking a blizzard just made the top of it.”
“And what's your verdict?”
“I don't recommend it. In fact, you should probably step back.”
“Please, Coppelia. I'm currently the safest person in the kingdom. I'm both a princess and a beautiful maiden. If I so much as attempted to trip over, I would be met by a stampede of classical chivalry as every knight loitering in that town threw themselves down to catch me.”
“... Want to give it a go?”
I considered it, then dismissed the thought.
“The knights, for all their philandering, are currently responsible for the upkeep of the local economy. They have their own tasks. As do we.”
Thus, with Starlight Grace in hand, I approached the curtain of snow.
The squall raged further as I approached. Amongst snowflakes as large as boulders, I saw images of pale faces twisting in agony and bodies of ice shattering into dust. I ignored them all as I would too many bubbles in a cuvées millésimées.
“I am Juliette Contzen, Third Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea,” I declared, pointing my sword at the gale. “Hear me, fae. You are preventing lawful passage to our sovereign lands, as adjudicated by ancient decree. Desist your magic at once, and relinquish the snow which holds our lumber mills hostage and our towngirls squealing to the eye-roll worthy antics of knights.”
For a moment, the blizzard made no reply other than to snarl with renewed vigour. I prepared to venture into the snow unabated.
And then—
A gap appeared.
Even more unnatural than the dense blizzard, a gateway the size and width of a closet door revealed itself. It parted the snow even as the elements desperately fought to collapse upon it, like a frigate forcing its way through a violent storm.
And yet it was not the forest of the Wovencoille which existed beyond that tunnel into the snowstorm.
Because beyond that gate, I saw trees alive with crystalline leaves, and a sky that was both night and day.
I couldn't help but smile.
My … how very interesting.
An invitation to the Fae Realm? And I hadn't even worn my finest dress. Whatever was I to do?
“Ohohohohoho!” I turned to my future handmaiden, my mocking smile aimed towards the fae. “Behold my royal stature! See how my foes quake at my coming, Coppelia! Why, the mere mention of my name is enough to cower the ancient fae which seeks to trespass upon our lands!”
Coppelia responded by leaning in slightly, her eyes narrowed as she stared through the fae portal.
“You're right. I think they're terrified.”
“Right?!”
“For one thing, it looks like they have to bring an entire army to stop you.”
I continued smiling at Coppelia for several moments.
Then, I slowly turned my attention back towards the fae portal.
There, somewhere in that twilight sky, was the sight of the most radiant swarm of locusts I had ever witnessed.
It was large. Infinitely so. A great plague of colours as breathtakingly beautiful wings boasting every shade of the rainbow filled up the distant horizon.
As the entity approached, so too did its details. I saw silver spears glinting with the light of the stars. I saw armour resplendent with jewels and ribbons. And I saw faces morphed with fury and vengeance.
And fangs.
Oh yes. I saw many fangs.
Curious. I didn't even know fae had fangs.
Yet even so, everything I saw paled in comparison to the noise.
It was the drumbeat of a thousand wings sounding the clarion call for the end of the world.
“Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo,” said Coppelia, stepping away from the fae portal. “Which angry magical flying warrior do you want to negotiate with first?”
I pursed my lips.
This was … well, it was a slight issue, yes. I wouldn't deny that. Clearly, this portal was not an invitation, but an invasion. An invasion by a large number of the magical denizens of the Fae Realm. And invasions by them typically did not result in joy for the invaded.
Normally, that would be a problem.
And were it anyone other than me standing here, they'd likely come to the awkward realisation that they perhaps didn't prepare for such a calamitous situation as much as they should have.
Indeed, the sight of so many fae screaming for the end of all things would certainly be a problem if I wasn't a princess.
Luckily, that's exactly who I was!
Ohohohoho! Why, I had no need to worry, did I? So what if the fae were about to pour into my kingdom? All problems were simply a matter of perspective! And as a princess, I happened to stand taller than anyone else! I looked down on problems!
Yes, it was time to do what only I could do.
Solve everything.
Because everybody else was, at best, useless, and at worst, actively making things harder.
“Coppelia.”
“Yes?”
I stared through the portal.
“There appears to be thousands of fae approaching at speed. They're armed and, for a reason I can't fathom, quite vexed. Fortunately, I have a plan for all occasions. And that includes this.”
“Got it~ what are you doing to do?”
I shook Starlight Grace.
“What I'm going to do is break this portal. Meanwhile, you and apple block this door.”
“Eh?”
I nodded, confident in my plan.
If it was for the sake of ensuring I could sleep, read and laze in my orchard without the threat of a looming revolution disturbing me, then of course, I was willing to order Apple and Coppelia to jump through hoops of fire for me!
Luckily, they wouldn't need to do anything quite so athletic today. Why, they only needed to body block several thousands of fae as I searched for something to hit.
“We may not be able to stop the fae, but we can stop the door.”
“Hmm~” Coppelia gave a lazy smile. “I see, I see … but I think I've identified a major issue with your plan.”
“What is that?”
“Me saying nope. I'm a clockwork doll, not a doorstop.”
Somewhere nearby, Apple snorted.
“Look, even the horse says so,” added Coppelia, nodding profusely at the treasonous steed.
“That was a snort of agreement as he courageously offers to defend me,” I replied, waiting and watching as Apple started trotting away. “... He, well, likely needs to prepare himself for his heroic act of blocking the portal.”
“That's going to be tough. The portal's getting bigger.”
It was true.
To my consternation, the same gateway I was studying for a hinge to whack was now widening. No longer a closet door, it was an archway which could fit a particularly portly man. Or perhaps just a fae without needing to scrunch their wings.
Coppelia hummed.
“Well, then. Is this where we start pretending we didn't see anything? Because I don't think there's a way to break this portal. For one thing, it's less a door and more just a … hole.”
I shook my head, confident in my plan backed up by neither anecdotal evidence nor historical precedent.
“This is magic. And magic can be defeated with magic.”
“Do we have any magic?”
“No.” I raised Starlight Grace, trusting in the enchantments woven into its design. “But I do have the next best thing. Striking indiscriminately with a magic sword.”
The moment I declared my intention, a chill cold enough to cause my teeth to chatter fell over me.
“—Please don't. This portal is very expensive and bludgeoning it with a sword will have no effect other than leaving scratches visible to only my eyes.”
I paused, my sword raised over my head as a figure appeared in the portal.
The bad news was that it was a fae.
The good news was that he had no fangs.
The weird news was that he had no head.
Well, no, that's a lie. He did have a head. It simply wasn't on his torso.
Because as soon as this fae made his dramatic, well-timed appearance, his head simply slid off and lodged itself into the snow beside his feet.
Coppelia and I stared open-mouthed at the face wearing an expression of considerable embarrassment.
Then, we did the same towards the body as it leaned down to pick up its head and promptly stick it back on.
Coppelia turned to me.
“As soon as I get back to my workshop, I'm going to ask if I can do that too!”
I had an acrimonious relationship with snow.
It had all the downsides of rain without any of the upsides. The snow served as no healing balm for either the apple trees in my orchard or the stains outside my window. And so my memories of winter in the Royal Villa consisted of studiously defending my prized botanical creations from the perils of ice and snow.
That's why—
Starlight Grace burned bright in my hand as I stood before the swirling blizzard.
But I was no peasant wishing to upstage a knight on the stage of courtship. I was a princess with a royal duty to defend my standard of living. And neither snow nor magic would prevent me from achieving my goals.
Because this stretch of the Wovencoille was the property of the Kingdom of Tirea.
These were my own lands. And upon it, I would go wherever I pleased.
“Ooooh~” said Coppelia, poking at the blizzard with a fingertip. “This is definitely a new experience!”
It truly was.
This ... entity was even more unnatural up close.
There was no wild flinging of ice or snow as the blizzard raged. It was compact. A wall of raging currents so distinct it could be pressed upon with a palm.
Not mine, obviously.
But for those with limbs of enchanted steel, I was certain it was quite the novel experience. And also very unhealthy.
“That cannot possibly be good for your cogs.”
“Probably not. But I have a long bucket list of things of questionable safety to try out. And poking a blizzard just made the top of it.”
“And what's your verdict?”
“I don't recommend it. In fact, you should probably step back.”
“Please, Coppelia. I'm currently the safest person in the kingdom. I'm both a princess and a beautiful maiden. If I so much as attempted to trip over, I would be met by a stampede of classical chivalry as every knight loitering in that town threw themselves down to catch me.”
“... Want to give it a go?”
I considered it, then dismissed the thought.
“The knights, for all their philandering, are currently responsible for the upkeep of the local economy. They have their own tasks. As do we.”
Thus, with Starlight Grace in hand, I approached the curtain of snow.
The squall raged further as I approached. Amongst snowflakes as large as boulders, I saw images of pale faces twisting in agony and bodies of ice shattering into dust. I ignored them all as I would too many bubbles in a cuvées millésimées.
“I am Juliette Contzen, Third Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea,” I declared, pointing my sword at the gale. “Hear me, fae. You are preventing lawful passage to our sovereign lands, as adjudicated by ancient decree. Desist your magic at once, and relinquish the snow which holds our lumber mills hostage and our towngirls squealing to the eye-roll worthy antics of knights.”
For a moment, the blizzard made no reply other than to snarl with renewed vigour. I prepared to venture into the snow unabated.
And then—
A gap appeared.
Even more unnatural than the dense blizzard, a gateway the size and width of a closet door revealed itself. It parted the snow even as the elements desperately fought to collapse upon it, like a frigate forcing its way through a violent storm.
And yet it was not the forest of the Wovencoille which existed beyond that tunnel into the snowstorm.
Because beyond that gate, I saw trees alive with crystalline leaves, and a sky that was both night and day.
I couldn't help but smile.
My … how very interesting.
An invitation to the Fae Realm? And I hadn't even worn my finest dress. Whatever was I to do?
“Ohohohohoho!” I turned to my future handmaiden, my mocking smile aimed towards the fae. “Behold my royal stature! See how my foes quake at my coming, Coppelia! Why, the mere mention of my name is enough to cower the ancient fae which seeks to trespass upon our lands!”
Coppelia responded by leaning in slightly, her eyes narrowed as she stared through the fae portal.
“You're right. I think they're terrified.”
“Right?!”
“For one thing, it looks like they have to bring an entire army to stop you.”
I continued smiling at Coppelia for several moments.
Then, I slowly turned my attention back towards the fae portal.
There, somewhere in that twilight sky, was the sight of the most radiant swarm of locusts I had ever witnessed.
It was large. Infinitely so. A great plague of colours as breathtakingly beautiful wings boasting every shade of the rainbow filled up the distant horizon.
As the entity approached, so too did its details. I saw silver spears glinting with the light of the stars. I saw armour resplendent with jewels and ribbons. And I saw faces morphed with fury and vengeance.
And fangs.
Oh yes. I saw many fangs.
Curious. I didn't even know fae had fangs.
Yet even so, everything I saw paled in comparison to the noise.
It was the drumbeat of a thousand wings sounding the clarion call for the end of the world.
“Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo,” said Coppelia, stepping away from the fae portal. “Which angry magical flying warrior do you want to negotiate with first?”
I pursed my lips.
This was … well, it was a slight issue, yes. I wouldn't deny that. Clearly, this portal was not an invitation, but an invasion. An invasion by a large number of the magical denizens of the Fae Realm. And invasions by them typically did not result in joy for the invaded.
Normally, that would be a problem.
And were it anyone other than me standing here, they'd likely come to the awkward realisation that they perhaps didn't prepare for such a calamitous situation as much as they should have.
Indeed, the sight of so many fae screaming for the end of all things would certainly be a problem if I wasn't a princess.
Luckily, that's exactly who I was!
Ohohohoho! Why, I had no need to worry, did I? So what if the fae were about to pour into my kingdom? All problems were simply a matter of perspective! And as a princess, I happened to stand taller than anyone else! I looked down on problems!
Yes, it was time to do what only I could do.
Solve everything.
Because everybody else was, at best, useless, and at worst, actively making things harder.
“Coppelia.”
“Yes?”
I stared through the portal.
“There appears to be thousands of fae approaching at speed. They're armed and, for a reason I can't fathom, quite vexed. Fortunately, I have a plan for all occasions. And that includes this.”
“Got it~ what are you doing to do?”
I shook Starlight Grace.
“What I'm going to do is break this portal. Meanwhile, you and apple block this door.”
“Eh?”
I nodded, confident in my plan.
If it was for the sake of ensuring I could sleep, read and laze in my orchard without the threat of a looming revolution disturbing me, then of course, I was willing to order Apple and Coppelia to jump through hoops of fire for me!
Luckily, they wouldn't need to do anything quite so athletic today. Why, they only needed to body block several thousands of fae as I searched for something to hit.
“We may not be able to stop the fae, but we can stop the door.”
“Hmm~” Coppelia gave a lazy smile. “I see, I see … but I think I've identified a major issue with your plan.”
“What is that?”
“Me saying nope. I'm a clockwork doll, not a doorstop.”
Somewhere nearby, Apple snorted.
“Look, even the horse says so,” added Coppelia, nodding profusely at the treasonous steed.
“That was a snort of agreement as he courageously offers to defend me,” I replied, waiting and watching as Apple started trotting away. “... He, well, likely needs to prepare himself for his heroic act of blocking the portal.”
“That's going to be tough. The portal's getting bigger.”
It was true.
To my consternation, the same gateway I was studying for a hinge to whack was now widening. No longer a closet door, it was an archway which could fit a particularly portly man. Or perhaps just a fae without needing to scrunch their wings.
Coppelia hummed.
“Well, then. Is this where we start pretending we didn't see anything? Because I don't think there's a way to break this portal. For one thing, it's less a door and more just a … hole.”
I shook my head, confident in my plan backed up by neither anecdotal evidence nor historical precedent.
“This is magic. And magic can be defeated with magic.”
“Do we have any magic?”
“No.” I raised Starlight Grace, trusting in the enchantments woven into its design. “But I do have the next best thing. Striking indiscriminately with a magic sword.”
The moment I declared my intention, a chill cold enough to cause my teeth to chatter fell over me.
“—Please don't. This portal is very expensive and bludgeoning it with a sword will have no effect other than leaving scratches visible to only my eyes.”
I paused, my sword raised over my head as a figure appeared in the portal.
The bad news was that it was a fae.
The good news was that he had no fangs.
The weird news was that he had no head.
Well, no, that's a lie. He did have a head. It simply wasn't on his torso.
Because as soon as this fae made his dramatic, well-timed appearance, his head simply slid off and lodged itself into the snow beside his feet.
Coppelia and I stared open-mouthed at the face wearing an expression of considerable embarrassment.
Then, we did the same towards the body as it leaned down to pick up its head and promptly stick it back on.
Coppelia turned to me.
“As soon as I get back to my workshop, I'm going to ask if I can do that too!”
