Chapter 72
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The door was slammed shut with a gust of wind, and Lu Zhiqiao's heart shook. Her fingers that were holding onto her clothes suddenly loosened, grabbed the table for support, and lowered her head.
—pata
Tears hit the wooden table, splashing imperceptibly, one drop after another converging into a vast ocean. She bit her lips tightly, trembled and took a deep breath. Her heart hurt like it was on fire, and the burning sensation rushed to her fingertips, so numb that she lost consciousness.
On the dining table, Lu Zhiqiao stared at the photo of her and her daughter, her vision was repeatedly blurred and clear, and their smiles on the photo appeared and disappeared. Then, a raging fire appeared in front of her eyes, the old house, the charred wooden pillars, the splashing sparks, and the figures in the firelight.
"Mom."
The second bedroom door opened, Lu Wei cautiously stretched out her head and looked at her.
Lu Zhiqiao suddenly came back to her senses, raised her head, and her tearful black eyes showed distress, "Baby..."
She raised her hand and wiped her eyes indiscriminately, went to hug her daughter, and kept kissing the child's forehead and face. A trace of panic flashed in her bloodshot eyes, and she murmured: "Niu Niu, mom will protect you, don't you just listen to anyone and just trust me, okay?"
Lu Wei nodded, her black eyes rolled left and right, hesitant to speak.
She thought that her mother would scold her when she was in school, and she would definitely be beaten when she goes home, but she didn't expect her mother to defend her and trust her, so she felt so happy. In contrast, the friction with her upperclassmen doesn't matter anyway, those people can't beat her, and they are not in the same class, so she'll just stop hanging out with them in the future.
But just now, she heard her mother and Teacher Qi quarreling in the room, and she heard every word clearly, and felt that she understood something, but at the same time, still vaguely didn't understand it.
"Mom, did you fight with Teacher Qi?" She asked in a low voice.
Lu Zhiqiao lowered her eyelids and didn't answer.
She sniffed lightly, stroked her daughter's face, and said, "Girl, although you apologized today, remember that you did nothing wrong. It was them who were wrong. If you encounter this kind of thing again in the future, fight back, you will be fine."
"Actually—" Lu Wei pursed her lips, "At first they fought with the senior sister, not me."
"That's because they forced you to treat them to eat out. That was bullying, you should resist."
"Okay."
Lu Wei nodded, seeing her mother's eyes were red with tears, thinking of her argument with Teacher Qi, she hesitated for a moment, and finally couldn't help but say: "Mom, they apologized to me before you came..."
Lu Zhiqiao was taken aback, and asked anxiously, "What happened?"
"We were fighting, and Director Wu saw it. He said he would punish me and sister Yan Shuyao. The teacher in Class 5 was very angry at first, thinking that we were beating someone. Then sister Yan Shuyao and I explained, but the three seniors refused to admit it, and couldn’t explain clearly. Director Wu was angry and said that all demerits were recorded. Then Teacher Qi said to check the surveillance first before making a decision, so we went to the surveillance again.”
"Then what?"
Lu Wei pouted, with a look of contempt in her eyes, and continued: "They just admitted it. The teacher in Class 5 is super fierce and scolded them all the time. Teacher Qi was interrupted several times when she wanted to speak, and then the director said that we were fighting in groups so we had to call the parents. The teacher in Class 5 stopped scolding. Teacher Qi asked them to apologize to me. The teacher in Class 5 just stared at teacher Qi. I don’t know what happened. And then you came..."
Lu Zhiqiao silently listened to her daughter's words, and her heart became a mess. The boiling anger hadn't cooled down yet, she didn't want to think about it, so she hugged and kissed her daughter again. "Anyway, they should apologize to you, but you don't have to apologize to them, you are not wrong."
"Uh-huh."
Lu Wei let go, grabbed the kettle on the dining table, and poured her a glass of water.
In her memory, her mom seldom cried in front of her, let alone cried so sadly. She still doesn't quite understand some things, but this feeling of being protected, understood and trusted made her suddenly realize that her mother actually loves her very much. Although her mother was fierce and critical of her when she was a child, she was always on her side at the most important moments.
For example, when a boy teased her when she was in elementary school, she fought back and accidentally pricked the boy's arm with a pencil refill. In the face of the teacher and the boy's father, her mother did not panic at all, and firmly defended her, and finally asked the boy to apologize to her.
She always felt that her mother was very powerful and omnipotent.
Now she has Teacher Qi.
Two powerful and beautiful mothers belong to her. No matter how she looks at it, she is very happy!
Lu Zhiqiao drank all the water, put down the glass, and hugged her daughter again, "Girl, you have been wronged this time, isn't it..."
"I don't feel wronged." Lu Wei shook her head, raised her eyebrows, and looked a bit disdainful, "I won the battle, why should I feel wronged? They should be the one feeling wronged, okay, it's so good, three people can't beat the two of us. And, Mom, let me tell you, senior sister Yan Shuyao is super powerful, she has learned to fight, really! It's a fierce beating, piapiapia!"
As she spoke, bright stars appeared in the little girl's eyes, and she stretched out her hand and gestured twice.
Lu Zhiqiao was originally resentful but when she saw her daughter like this, she couldn't laugh or cry, her swollen eyes slightly bent: "Baby, do you want to learn?"
"What?"
"To fight."
"Sister can teach me~" Lu Wei smirked.
Lu Zhiqiao smiled, stroked her daughter's hair, and said: "Learning this is for self-defense. When you are bullied, resist, but you can't take the initiative to hit others."
"I know."
The mother and daughter comfort each other with hugs. The sun was getting lower and lower, and the sky was getting dark. Lu Zhiqiao asked her daughter to do her homework while she went to cook.
The refrigerator was full, and when she opened it, seeing those ingredients, she thought of Qi Yan.
She is busy and has no time to buy vegetables. Qi Yan buys all the food at home. That person is always worried about not having enough ingredients, so she has to make up for it immediately after eating a little, and all the food she buys are her and Niu Niu's favorite dishes.
Lu Zhiqiao stood in front of the refrigerator, dazed, her throat sore.
After being dazed for a while, she took out some dishes, put them on the counter, put on her apron, and cleaned up one by one. The phone rang several times in the middle, and it was all from the assistant. There was a lot of work, and she had to work overtime tomorrow.
Because it was still early, she was not in a hurry, and slowly cut and washed vegetables, and gradually calmed down.
The images of the afternoon flashed over and over again in her mind, and the chaotic and noisy voices echoed in her ears.
She remembered that when she was in the office, the other three parents were anxious and noisy. After watching the surveillance, she was so anxious to protect her daughter that she didn't pay much attention to her surroundings. Then the "doll" was aggressive and provocative, and was reprimanded by the teacher, and then Qi Yan asked her daughter to apologize. She was so anxious that she didn't think about the reason, and assumed that Qi Yan forced her daughter to apologize.
Things happened too quickly, the child apologized without a fuss, the parents refused to let go, and the "doll" came out to interrupt again and took Niu Niu away.
Then she chased after them too.
Then they went home.
There was hardly any time to react and think.
She was in a fit of anger, sometimes she regarded Qi Yan as a teacher, and sometimes she was her own person, her heart was in a mess, she couldn't think everything through, but subconsciously felt that she had missed something. Hearing what her daughter said just now, she suddenly realized that she most likely misunderstood Qi Yan.
What was missing was the explanation from Qi Yan.
Lu Zhiqiao paused, the kitchen knife stopped and fell, and then fell to the cutting board with a "bang".
She slid her phone open, clicked into WeChat, and saw the head of the orange cat that she had set as priority, her heart trembled suddenly, and she poked her trembling fingers. She wanted to ask something, say something, but her mind went blank.
She turned and left the kitchen, went to the peephole in front of the living room door, and looked at the opposite door through the small hole.
Room 902 is closed.
Lu Zhiqiao took a deep breath, stepped half a step back, and leaned against the door with her back, her heart was beating fast, and her palms were wet with sweat, feeling chilly.
Shouldn't they... talk again?
Just after a fight, she's afraid Qi Yan might ignore her. Both of them need to calm down. She thought the weekend would be the day after tomorrow, so she could sit down with Qi Yan and have a good talk,
Lu Zhiqiao raised her hand to cover her heart, panted for a while, and walked slowly to the kitchen.
The next day is Friday.
Lu Zhiqiao didn't come home until after seven o'clock. When she entered the door, she saw the light on in the kitchen and there was a sound. She subconsciously thought it was Qi Yan. She changed her shoes, put her bag away, and walked over, only to see her daughter standing in front of the stove, cooking.
"Baby, what are you cooking?"
"Noodles." Lu Wei looked up at her, "I'm done cooking, mom, do you want to eat?"
Lu Zhiqiao looked at the noodles in the pot, adding vegetables and eggs, it was quite rich, and said in amazement, "When did you learn it?"
"Teacher Qi taught me before."
"..."
The light in the kitchen was cold, reflecting Lu Zhiqiao's gray face. She opened her mouth and asked in a low voice, "Where's Teacher Qi?"
Lu Wei turned off the fire and shook her head: "I knocked on the opposite door, but no one opened, it seems that she's not there."
"…oh."
Lu Zhiqiao nodded sadly, and turned to get the bowl. The little girl put down the chopsticks in her hand, turned her head and said: "Mom, those three girls were punished yesterday,they posted the report of criticism today...there was also senior sister Yan Shuyao. The girl pursed her lips, seemingly unhappy.
"What about you? No, right?" She frowned.
"No." Lu Wei shrugged, her mouth still pouted, "Oh, by the way, Teacher Qi asked me to bring you a letter."
The child turned around and ran back to the room. After a while, she ran over with a big envelope in her hand and gave it to her.
Lu Zhiqiao hesitantly took the envelope, opened it, and there were five pieces of letter paper inside.
Rows of vigorous and unruly handwriting came into view:
[Qiao:
First of all, I apologize to you, I'm sorry. I didn't take your emotions into consideration that day, and said something that made you sad, which was very inappropriate. It was because I was too anxious, or because I was too self-righteous, or too selfish. I just wanted to analyze the whole story for you from a rational point of view, but ignored your state at that time. I should have reassured you first, and then explained to you when we each calmed down. This is my fault.
Talking about the fight again, I think it is necessary for me to reorganize the process for you, and clarify my thoughts and explain the motivation of my behavior at that time.
According to the children's account, the four seniors were in the same class and were good friends. Three of them, I will call ABC for the time being, and the other is called Y. After they met Niu Niu, they often hang out with each other. Because Niu Niu has a lot of pocket money, she is generous, and doesn't care about small gains and losses, ABC gradually began to take advantage of Niu Niu, Y stopped them several times after she found out, but ABC didn't take it seriously. (Supplement: ABC treats junior girls with a sense of psychological superiority) Until noon that day, the four senior sisters went to eat with Niu Niu. When they were walking on the road, ABC proposed to have Niu Niu treat them to a restaurant outside, but Y rejected it and proposed to go to the cafeteria. And Niu Niu was unwilling to treat them to eat, and agrees with Y's idea of going to the cafeteria. ABC didn't refute immediately, then Y went to the toilet, ABC took turns to persuade and coax Niu Niu to go outside, Niu Niu disagreed, and was cornered unknowingly.
During this period, Niu Niu was provoked and ridiculed by ABC. They pointed out that her clothes and shoes are very expensive, and she shouldn't be stingy with money. After Y came back, she saw ABC surrounding Niu Niu, and went up to ask, Niu Niu answered truthfully, Y became upset and questioned ABC, C grabbed Niu Niu's clothes, roughly said that Niu Niu was rich, one piece of clothing had several meals, at this time Y pushed ABC away with her hands first, and her tone was not good, so ABC argued with her. During the process, Y kept pushing and shoving ABC, and Niu Niu stayed in the corner. Later, Y and ABC changed from pushing and shoving to full on brawl. At first, Niu Niu didn't go up to help immediately, but verbally persuaded them to fight.
Y and Niu Niu had obvious advantages in height and physical strength, and the five of them quickly changed from wrestling into a group of two to fight three on one side. It happened that the teaching director and two other teachers passed by and stopped them immediately and took them away.
Strictly speaking, the above cannot reach the level of "campus bullying", but if it continues to develop, it may evolve into bullying. Niu Niu's motive for beating people was not "resisting violence", but out of friendship, she joined in to help. After that, the five children beat each other.
I was eating at the time, and the first thing I thought of when I got the news was "who did it first", because it involves whether Niu Niu will be punished or not. Selfishly speaking, when the consequences are immeasurable, I don't want things to become serious, and I don't want Niu Niu to be the one who is at fault and see her being punished. Then I thought of you, I guess you will be very anxious when you know, you may lose your mind and pin your hopes on me. Then I began to think about how I should handle this matter. If I didn't handle it well, would you blame me and push me away again? Because I really don't have the confidence to guarantee that my position in your heart is stable.
I'm sorry, I was complacent that you and Niu Niu are my family and believed that no matter what happens, family members can understand each other, and it's better to talk at home if there was something to say, so the fastest and most effective way I thought of is to let the children reconcile in private, and go back and explain it to you. But I was wrong, sorry, I was being self-righteous again. Afterwards, I reflected that I should have made this point clear when I notified you. At that time, I was chaotic and anxious, and I had no experience in dealing with such matters. In addition, the leader was here, so I didn't know what to do. I have the inescapable responsibility for causing you to lose control of your emotions, sorry.
Before the parents came, Teacher Liu from Class 5 severely criticized ABCY, but I was reluctant to scold Niu Niu, I knew it was not her fault. But this was out of my control. The leader watched, and Teacher Liu also watched. Five children participated in the fight, and four children were criticized.
The whole thing is not your fault, nor is it my fault. You and I are just standing in different positions, but we are bound together again. Maybe you think you misunderstood me, surprised how I can have such an attitude, that's not the me you know, is it?
The girl who jumped off the building died in front of me. The school took money to settle the matter in consideration of its reputation. The boy who came across me was slapped by me, the parents refused to let me go, and the leaders settled for the middle. Similar things have happened before, and the results are similar. It only took me two months from not giving up to accepting my fate. I used to think that I had money and family property, and I would be free enough in my life, but after entering school and working for a few years, I realized that there are some things that are more powerful than assets. There is money besides money, and strength beyond strength. I finally understand how heavy the gravitational pull of reality is, in such a miniature environment.
In my opinion, a teacher is just a profession, no different from other professions, but in this land, it is seen more positively and brightly by the public, but it is also given more and higher requirements. A few years ago, I entered the campus with enthusiasm, thinking that as long as I kept my professional principles and moral bottom line, I would not be subject to any more constraints. I always kept my mentor's teachings in mind and did not step on the red line, but I also retained my persistence; that is not to sanctify it, not to carry unnecessary shackles. It's a pity that in front of the solid high-rise building, this persistence is too fragile. I gradually discovered that the freedom I want only exists in a specific circle, but I am like a tempted bird, flying away from the place that originally belonged to me, and stopping in this circle that does not belong to me and has other rules of the game.
Over the past few years, I have been confused, doubted, and shaken. I began to understand that people like me are born unable to adapt to the rules of the game here. Of course, I am not willing to completely integrate myself, so after careful consideration, I decided to leave.
What kind of person am I?
I am very lucky to have a pair of parents who are tolerant and sensible, can bear hardships and stand hard work, and are relatively knowledgeable in educating children scientifically. They worked hard when they were young, accumulated wealth, and created an extremely favorable family environment for me. I am materially rich and spiritually rich. I have been surrounded by deep love since I was a child, so the world I see is colorful, and the people and things I come into contact with are rich and interesting. I can sit back and relax in my comfortable circle and have absolute freedom. But because of this, I know that the world is big, and people are small. Life is short for decades, and we must enjoy ourselves in time. If I love, I will let go and love boldly, holding out my whole heart. If I don't love, I will simply turn around without dragging my feet. Even if I'm hurt, I can heal myself. I don't lack love. Love is ordinary and common to me. No one, no environment can trap me like this.
When I met you, I thought the so-called "love at first sight" was love at first sight. However, there are too many people like you under the same conditions. They have surrounded me since I was a child, but why is it you?
When you said "If I am not a lively woman, how can my child have poetry and distance", I suddenly understood that you are not them, not a simple symbol, or a beautiful skin. I see your ruthlessness buried under suffering, your tenacity wrapped in weakness, and you are like a tenacious weed with a spicy and rough atmosphere, fresh and exuberant. It was a temperament completely opposite to mine. With curiosity, I approached you, got to know you, and gradually discovered that your heart is actually fragile, as if it could be defeated at any time. But I know that no one can beat you except yourself. I think you are what I understand as a "hero".
You are like an enigma, and I have never truly touched your heart. The more so, the more I can't extricate myself, and the more overwhelmed and desperate I become. What I have, I'll give you; what you have, attracts me. We should complement each other, but obviously, there are still many unresolved problems between us. Relying on the throbbing of hormones alone is far from enough for a long-lasting relationship. You are not perfect, and I am not perfect. We carefully show each other's imperfections to each other, and we need to work together. But, unfortunately, we didn't get to the point where we were able to blend with each other.
What happened that day was just a matter which triggered the problems buried deep between us.
I'm a teacher at work, and I'm Qi Yan after work. Maybe the frequent change of identity makes you dizzy, making it impossible for you to accurately judge what I am in your mind. I believe that you care about me, and I have seen your changes with my own eyes, and understand that you are willing to come to me. I was pleasantly surprised and happy, thinking that the last hurdle was about to be crossed. But today I just realized that the real obstacle has not disappeared, it has always been there, and when it got triggered, it fell.
It is so high, so big, dominated by you, I look up at it and lose all my strength.
I'm tired.
Maybe we all need to get back into our respective worlds, get quiet, and re-examine ourselves.
The road of life is not over, the scenery is constantly changing, coming and going, just passing by. May you find your beloved for the rest of your life, be in harmony, be healthy, and be happy.
--Yan]
After reading the letter, Lu Zhiqiao froze in place.
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The door was slammed shut with a gust of wind, and Lu Zhiqiao's heart shook. Her fingers that were holding onto her clothes suddenly loosened, grabbed the table for support, and lowered her head.
—pata
Tears hit the wooden table, splashing imperceptibly, one drop after another converging into a vast ocean. She bit her lips tightly, trembled and took a deep breath. Her heart hurt like it was on fire, and the burning sensation rushed to her fingertips, so numb that she lost consciousness.
On the dining table, Lu Zhiqiao stared at the photo of her and her daughter, her vision was repeatedly blurred and clear, and their smiles on the photo appeared and disappeared. Then, a raging fire appeared in front of her eyes, the old house, the charred wooden pillars, the splashing sparks, and the figures in the firelight.
"Mom."
The second bedroom door opened, Lu Wei cautiously stretched out her head and looked at her.
Lu Zhiqiao suddenly came back to her senses, raised her head, and her tearful black eyes showed distress, "Baby..."
She raised her hand and wiped her eyes indiscriminately, went to hug her daughter, and kept kissing the child's forehead and face. A trace of panic flashed in her bloodshot eyes, and she murmured: "Niu Niu, mom will protect you, don't you just listen to anyone and just trust me, okay?"
Lu Wei nodded, her black eyes rolled left and right, hesitant to speak.
She thought that her mother would scold her when she was in school, and she would definitely be beaten when she goes home, but she didn't expect her mother to defend her and trust her, so she felt so happy. In contrast, the friction with her upperclassmen doesn't matter anyway, those people can't beat her, and they are not in the same class, so she'll just stop hanging out with them in the future.
But just now, she heard her mother and Teacher Qi quarreling in the room, and she heard every word clearly, and felt that she understood something, but at the same time, still vaguely didn't understand it.
"Mom, did you fight with Teacher Qi?" She asked in a low voice.
Lu Zhiqiao lowered her eyelids and didn't answer.
She sniffed lightly, stroked her daughter's face, and said, "Girl, although you apologized today, remember that you did nothing wrong. It was them who were wrong. If you encounter this kind of thing again in the future, fight back, you will be fine."
"Actually—" Lu Wei pursed her lips, "At first they fought with the senior sister, not me."
"That's because they forced you to treat them to eat out. That was bullying, you should resist."
"Okay."
Lu Wei nodded, seeing her mother's eyes were red with tears, thinking of her argument with Teacher Qi, she hesitated for a moment, and finally couldn't help but say: "Mom, they apologized to me before you came..."
Lu Zhiqiao was taken aback, and asked anxiously, "What happened?"
"We were fighting, and Director Wu saw it. He said he would punish me and sister Yan Shuyao. The teacher in Class 5 was very angry at first, thinking that we were beating someone. Then sister Yan Shuyao and I explained, but the three seniors refused to admit it, and couldn’t explain clearly. Director Wu was angry and said that all demerits were recorded. Then Teacher Qi said to check the surveillance first before making a decision, so we went to the surveillance again.”
"Then what?"
Lu Wei pouted, with a look of contempt in her eyes, and continued: "They just admitted it. The teacher in Class 5 is super fierce and scolded them all the time. Teacher Qi was interrupted several times when she wanted to speak, and then the director said that we were fighting in groups so we had to call the parents. The teacher in Class 5 stopped scolding. Teacher Qi asked them to apologize to me. The teacher in Class 5 just stared at teacher Qi. I don’t know what happened. And then you came..."
Lu Zhiqiao silently listened to her daughter's words, and her heart became a mess. The boiling anger hadn't cooled down yet, she didn't want to think about it, so she hugged and kissed her daughter again. "Anyway, they should apologize to you, but you don't have to apologize to them, you are not wrong."
"Uh-huh."
Lu Wei let go, grabbed the kettle on the dining table, and poured her a glass of water.
In her memory, her mom seldom cried in front of her, let alone cried so sadly. She still doesn't quite understand some things, but this feeling of being protected, understood and trusted made her suddenly realize that her mother actually loves her very much. Although her mother was fierce and critical of her when she was a child, she was always on her side at the most important moments.
For example, when a boy teased her when she was in elementary school, she fought back and accidentally pricked the boy's arm with a pencil refill. In the face of the teacher and the boy's father, her mother did not panic at all, and firmly defended her, and finally asked the boy to apologize to her.
She always felt that her mother was very powerful and omnipotent.
Now she has Teacher Qi.
Two powerful and beautiful mothers belong to her. No matter how she looks at it, she is very happy!
Lu Zhiqiao drank all the water, put down the glass, and hugged her daughter again, "Girl, you have been wronged this time, isn't it..."
"I don't feel wronged." Lu Wei shook her head, raised her eyebrows, and looked a bit disdainful, "I won the battle, why should I feel wronged? They should be the one feeling wronged, okay, it's so good, three people can't beat the two of us. And, Mom, let me tell you, senior sister Yan Shuyao is super powerful, she has learned to fight, really! It's a fierce beating, piapiapia!"
As she spoke, bright stars appeared in the little girl's eyes, and she stretched out her hand and gestured twice.
Lu Zhiqiao was originally resentful but when she saw her daughter like this, she couldn't laugh or cry, her swollen eyes slightly bent: "Baby, do you want to learn?"
"What?"
"To fight."
"Sister can teach me~" Lu Wei smirked.
Lu Zhiqiao smiled, stroked her daughter's hair, and said: "Learning this is for self-defense. When you are bullied, resist, but you can't take the initiative to hit others."
"I know."
The mother and daughter comfort each other with hugs. The sun was getting lower and lower, and the sky was getting dark. Lu Zhiqiao asked her daughter to do her homework while she went to cook.
The refrigerator was full, and when she opened it, seeing those ingredients, she thought of Qi Yan.
She is busy and has no time to buy vegetables. Qi Yan buys all the food at home. That person is always worried about not having enough ingredients, so she has to make up for it immediately after eating a little, and all the food she buys are her and Niu Niu's favorite dishes.
Lu Zhiqiao stood in front of the refrigerator, dazed, her throat sore.
After being dazed for a while, she took out some dishes, put them on the counter, put on her apron, and cleaned up one by one. The phone rang several times in the middle, and it was all from the assistant. There was a lot of work, and she had to work overtime tomorrow.
Because it was still early, she was not in a hurry, and slowly cut and washed vegetables, and gradually calmed down.
The images of the afternoon flashed over and over again in her mind, and the chaotic and noisy voices echoed in her ears.
She remembered that when she was in the office, the other three parents were anxious and noisy. After watching the surveillance, she was so anxious to protect her daughter that she didn't pay much attention to her surroundings. Then the "doll" was aggressive and provocative, and was reprimanded by the teacher, and then Qi Yan asked her daughter to apologize. She was so anxious that she didn't think about the reason, and assumed that Qi Yan forced her daughter to apologize.
Things happened too quickly, the child apologized without a fuss, the parents refused to let go, and the "doll" came out to interrupt again and took Niu Niu away.
Then she chased after them too.
Then they went home.
There was hardly any time to react and think.
She was in a fit of anger, sometimes she regarded Qi Yan as a teacher, and sometimes she was her own person, her heart was in a mess, she couldn't think everything through, but subconsciously felt that she had missed something. Hearing what her daughter said just now, she suddenly realized that she most likely misunderstood Qi Yan.
What was missing was the explanation from Qi Yan.
Lu Zhiqiao paused, the kitchen knife stopped and fell, and then fell to the cutting board with a "bang".
She slid her phone open, clicked into WeChat, and saw the head of the orange cat that she had set as priority, her heart trembled suddenly, and she poked her trembling fingers. She wanted to ask something, say something, but her mind went blank.
She turned and left the kitchen, went to the peephole in front of the living room door, and looked at the opposite door through the small hole.
Room 902 is closed.
Lu Zhiqiao took a deep breath, stepped half a step back, and leaned against the door with her back, her heart was beating fast, and her palms were wet with sweat, feeling chilly.
Shouldn't they... talk again?
Just after a fight, she's afraid Qi Yan might ignore her. Both of them need to calm down. She thought the weekend would be the day after tomorrow, so she could sit down with Qi Yan and have a good talk,
Lu Zhiqiao raised her hand to cover her heart, panted for a while, and walked slowly to the kitchen.
The next day is Friday.
Lu Zhiqiao didn't come home until after seven o'clock. When she entered the door, she saw the light on in the kitchen and there was a sound. She subconsciously thought it was Qi Yan. She changed her shoes, put her bag away, and walked over, only to see her daughter standing in front of the stove, cooking.
"Baby, what are you cooking?"
"Noodles." Lu Wei looked up at her, "I'm done cooking, mom, do you want to eat?"
Lu Zhiqiao looked at the noodles in the pot, adding vegetables and eggs, it was quite rich, and said in amazement, "When did you learn it?"
"Teacher Qi taught me before."
"..."
The light in the kitchen was cold, reflecting Lu Zhiqiao's gray face. She opened her mouth and asked in a low voice, "Where's Teacher Qi?"
Lu Wei turned off the fire and shook her head: "I knocked on the opposite door, but no one opened, it seems that she's not there."
"…oh."
Lu Zhiqiao nodded sadly, and turned to get the bowl. The little girl put down the chopsticks in her hand, turned her head and said: "Mom, those three girls were punished yesterday,they posted the report of criticism today...there was also senior sister Yan Shuyao. The girl pursed her lips, seemingly unhappy.
"What about you? No, right?" She frowned.
"No." Lu Wei shrugged, her mouth still pouted, "Oh, by the way, Teacher Qi asked me to bring you a letter."
The child turned around and ran back to the room. After a while, she ran over with a big envelope in her hand and gave it to her.
Lu Zhiqiao hesitantly took the envelope, opened it, and there were five pieces of letter paper inside.
Rows of vigorous and unruly handwriting came into view:
[Qiao:
First of all, I apologize to you, I'm sorry. I didn't take your emotions into consideration that day, and said something that made you sad, which was very inappropriate. It was because I was too anxious, or because I was too self-righteous, or too selfish. I just wanted to analyze the whole story for you from a rational point of view, but ignored your state at that time. I should have reassured you first, and then explained to you when we each calmed down. This is my fault.
Talking about the fight again, I think it is necessary for me to reorganize the process for you, and clarify my thoughts and explain the motivation of my behavior at that time.
According to the children's account, the four seniors were in the same class and were good friends. Three of them, I will call ABC for the time being, and the other is called Y. After they met Niu Niu, they often hang out with each other. Because Niu Niu has a lot of pocket money, she is generous, and doesn't care about small gains and losses, ABC gradually began to take advantage of Niu Niu, Y stopped them several times after she found out, but ABC didn't take it seriously. (Supplement: ABC treats junior girls with a sense of psychological superiority) Until noon that day, the four senior sisters went to eat with Niu Niu. When they were walking on the road, ABC proposed to have Niu Niu treat them to a restaurant outside, but Y rejected it and proposed to go to the cafeteria. And Niu Niu was unwilling to treat them to eat, and agrees with Y's idea of going to the cafeteria. ABC didn't refute immediately, then Y went to the toilet, ABC took turns to persuade and coax Niu Niu to go outside, Niu Niu disagreed, and was cornered unknowingly.
During this period, Niu Niu was provoked and ridiculed by ABC. They pointed out that her clothes and shoes are very expensive, and she shouldn't be stingy with money. After Y came back, she saw ABC surrounding Niu Niu, and went up to ask, Niu Niu answered truthfully, Y became upset and questioned ABC, C grabbed Niu Niu's clothes, roughly said that Niu Niu was rich, one piece of clothing had several meals, at this time Y pushed ABC away with her hands first, and her tone was not good, so ABC argued with her. During the process, Y kept pushing and shoving ABC, and Niu Niu stayed in the corner. Later, Y and ABC changed from pushing and shoving to full on brawl. At first, Niu Niu didn't go up to help immediately, but verbally persuaded them to fight.
Y and Niu Niu had obvious advantages in height and physical strength, and the five of them quickly changed from wrestling into a group of two to fight three on one side. It happened that the teaching director and two other teachers passed by and stopped them immediately and took them away.
Strictly speaking, the above cannot reach the level of "campus bullying", but if it continues to develop, it may evolve into bullying. Niu Niu's motive for beating people was not "resisting violence", but out of friendship, she joined in to help. After that, the five children beat each other.
I was eating at the time, and the first thing I thought of when I got the news was "who did it first", because it involves whether Niu Niu will be punished or not. Selfishly speaking, when the consequences are immeasurable, I don't want things to become serious, and I don't want Niu Niu to be the one who is at fault and see her being punished. Then I thought of you, I guess you will be very anxious when you know, you may lose your mind and pin your hopes on me. Then I began to think about how I should handle this matter. If I didn't handle it well, would you blame me and push me away again? Because I really don't have the confidence to guarantee that my position in your heart is stable.
I'm sorry, I was complacent that you and Niu Niu are my family and believed that no matter what happens, family members can understand each other, and it's better to talk at home if there was something to say, so the fastest and most effective way I thought of is to let the children reconcile in private, and go back and explain it to you. But I was wrong, sorry, I was being self-righteous again. Afterwards, I reflected that I should have made this point clear when I notified you. At that time, I was chaotic and anxious, and I had no experience in dealing with such matters. In addition, the leader was here, so I didn't know what to do. I have the inescapable responsibility for causing you to lose control of your emotions, sorry.
Before the parents came, Teacher Liu from Class 5 severely criticized ABCY, but I was reluctant to scold Niu Niu, I knew it was not her fault. But this was out of my control. The leader watched, and Teacher Liu also watched. Five children participated in the fight, and four children were criticized.
The whole thing is not your fault, nor is it my fault. You and I are just standing in different positions, but we are bound together again. Maybe you think you misunderstood me, surprised how I can have such an attitude, that's not the me you know, is it?
The girl who jumped off the building died in front of me. The school took money to settle the matter in consideration of its reputation. The boy who came across me was slapped by me, the parents refused to let me go, and the leaders settled for the middle. Similar things have happened before, and the results are similar. It only took me two months from not giving up to accepting my fate. I used to think that I had money and family property, and I would be free enough in my life, but after entering school and working for a few years, I realized that there are some things that are more powerful than assets. There is money besides money, and strength beyond strength. I finally understand how heavy the gravitational pull of reality is, in such a miniature environment.
In my opinion, a teacher is just a profession, no different from other professions, but in this land, it is seen more positively and brightly by the public, but it is also given more and higher requirements. A few years ago, I entered the campus with enthusiasm, thinking that as long as I kept my professional principles and moral bottom line, I would not be subject to any more constraints. I always kept my mentor's teachings in mind and did not step on the red line, but I also retained my persistence; that is not to sanctify it, not to carry unnecessary shackles. It's a pity that in front of the solid high-rise building, this persistence is too fragile. I gradually discovered that the freedom I want only exists in a specific circle, but I am like a tempted bird, flying away from the place that originally belonged to me, and stopping in this circle that does not belong to me and has other rules of the game.
Over the past few years, I have been confused, doubted, and shaken. I began to understand that people like me are born unable to adapt to the rules of the game here. Of course, I am not willing to completely integrate myself, so after careful consideration, I decided to leave.
What kind of person am I?
I am very lucky to have a pair of parents who are tolerant and sensible, can bear hardships and stand hard work, and are relatively knowledgeable in educating children scientifically. They worked hard when they were young, accumulated wealth, and created an extremely favorable family environment for me. I am materially rich and spiritually rich. I have been surrounded by deep love since I was a child, so the world I see is colorful, and the people and things I come into contact with are rich and interesting. I can sit back and relax in my comfortable circle and have absolute freedom. But because of this, I know that the world is big, and people are small. Life is short for decades, and we must enjoy ourselves in time. If I love, I will let go and love boldly, holding out my whole heart. If I don't love, I will simply turn around without dragging my feet. Even if I'm hurt, I can heal myself. I don't lack love. Love is ordinary and common to me. No one, no environment can trap me like this.
When I met you, I thought the so-called "love at first sight" was love at first sight. However, there are too many people like you under the same conditions. They have surrounded me since I was a child, but why is it you?
When you said "If I am not a lively woman, how can my child have poetry and distance", I suddenly understood that you are not them, not a simple symbol, or a beautiful skin. I see your ruthlessness buried under suffering, your tenacity wrapped in weakness, and you are like a tenacious weed with a spicy and rough atmosphere, fresh and exuberant. It was a temperament completely opposite to mine. With curiosity, I approached you, got to know you, and gradually discovered that your heart is actually fragile, as if it could be defeated at any time. But I know that no one can beat you except yourself. I think you are what I understand as a "hero".
You are like an enigma, and I have never truly touched your heart. The more so, the more I can't extricate myself, and the more overwhelmed and desperate I become. What I have, I'll give you; what you have, attracts me. We should complement each other, but obviously, there are still many unresolved problems between us. Relying on the throbbing of hormones alone is far from enough for a long-lasting relationship. You are not perfect, and I am not perfect. We carefully show each other's imperfections to each other, and we need to work together. But, unfortunately, we didn't get to the point where we were able to blend with each other.
What happened that day was just a matter which triggered the problems buried deep between us.
I'm a teacher at work, and I'm Qi Yan after work. Maybe the frequent change of identity makes you dizzy, making it impossible for you to accurately judge what I am in your mind. I believe that you care about me, and I have seen your changes with my own eyes, and understand that you are willing to come to me. I was pleasantly surprised and happy, thinking that the last hurdle was about to be crossed. But today I just realized that the real obstacle has not disappeared, it has always been there, and when it got triggered, it fell.
It is so high, so big, dominated by you, I look up at it and lose all my strength.
I'm tired.
Maybe we all need to get back into our respective worlds, get quiet, and re-examine ourselves.
The road of life is not over, the scenery is constantly changing, coming and going, just passing by. May you find your beloved for the rest of your life, be in harmony, be healthy, and be happy.
--Yan]
After reading the letter, Lu Zhiqiao froze in place.
The door was slammed shut with a gust of wind, and Lu Zhiqiao's heart shook. Her fingers that were holding onto her clothes suddenly loosened, grabbed the table for support, and lowered her head.pataTears hit the wooden table, splashing imperceptibly, one drop after another converging into a vast ocean. She bit her lips tightly, trembled and took a deep breath. Her heart hurt like it was on fire, and the burning sensation rushed to her fingertips, so numb that she lost consciousness.On the dining table, Lu Zhiqiao stared at the photo of her and her daughter, her vision was repeatedly blurred and clear, and their smiles on the photo appeared and disappeared. Then, a raging fire appeared in front of her eyes, the old house, the charred wooden pillars, the splashing sparks, and the figures in the firelight."Mom."The second bedroom door opened, Lu Wei cautiously stretched out her head and looked at her.Lu Zhiqiao suddenly came back to her senses, raised her head, and her tearful black eyes showed distress, "Baby..."She raised her hand and wiped her eyes indiscriminately, went to hug her daughter, and kept kissing the child's forehead and face. A trace of panic flashed in her bloodshot eyes, and she murmured: "Niu Niu, mom will protect you, don't you just listen to anyone and just trust me, okay?"Lu Wei nodded, her black eyes rolled left and right, hesitant to speak.She thought that her mother would scold her when she was in school, and she would definitely be beaten when she goes home, but she didn't expect her mother to defend her and trust her, so she felt so happy. In contrast, the friction with her upperclassmen doesn't matter anyway, those people can't beat her, and they are not in the same class, so she'll just stop hanging out with them in the future.But just now, she heard her mother and Teacher Qi quarreling in the room, and she heard every word clearly, and felt that she understood something, but at the same time, still vaguely didn't understand it."Mom, did you fight with Teacher Qi?" She asked in a low voice.Lu Zhiqiao lowered her eyelids and didn't answer.She sniffed lightly, stroked her daughter's face, and said, "Girl, although you apologized today, remember that you did nothing wrong. It was them who were wrong. If you encounter this kind of thing again in the future, fight back, you will be fine.""Actually" Lu Wei pursed her lips, "At first they fought with the senior sister, not me.""That's because they forced you to treat them to eat out. That was bullying, you should resist.""Okay."Lu Wei nodded, seeing her mother's eyes were red with tears, thinking of her argument with Teacher Qi, she hesitated for a moment, and finally couldn't help but say: "Mom, they apologized to me before you came..."Lu Zhiqiao was taken aback, and asked anxiously, "What happened?""We were fighting, and Director Wu saw it. He said he would punish me and sister Yan Shuyao. The teacher in Class 5 was very angry at first, thinking that we were beating someone. Then sister Yan Shuyao and I explained, but the three seniors refused to admit it, and couldn't explain clearly. Director Wu was angry and said that all demerits were recorded. Then Teacher Qi said to check the surveillance first before making a decision, so we went to the surveillance again."Then what?"Lu Wei pouted, with a look of contempt in her eyes, and continued: "They just admitted it. The teacher in Class 5 is super fierce and scolded them all the time. Teacher Qi was interrupted several times when she wanted to speak, and then the director said that we were fighting in groups so we had to call the parents. The teacher in Class 5 stopped scolding. Teacher Qi asked them to apologize to me. The teacher in Class 5 just stared at teacher Qi. I don't know what happened. And then you came..."Lu Zhiqiao silently listened to her daughter's words, and her heart became a mess. The boiling anger hadn't cooled down yet, she didn't want to think about it, so she hugged and kissed her daughter again. "Anyway, they should apologize to you, but you don't have to apologize to them, you are not wrong.""Uh-huh."Lu Wei let go, grabbed the kettle on the dining table, and poured her a glass of water.In her memory, her mom seldom cried in front of her, let alone cried so sadly. She still doesn't quite understand some things, but this feeling of being protected, understood and trusted made her suddenly realize that her mother actually loves her very much. Although her mother was fierce and critical of her when she was a child, she was always on her side at the most important moments.For example, when a boy teased her when she was in elementary school, she fought back and accidentally pricked the boy's arm with a pencil refill. In the face of the teacher and the boy's father, her mother did not panic at all, and firmly defended her, and finally asked the boy to apologize to her.She always felt that her mother was very powerful and omnipotent.Now she has Teacher Qi.Two powerful and beautiful mothers belong to her. No matter how she looks at it, she is very happy!Lu Zhiqiao drank all the water, put down the glass, and hugged her daughter again, "Girl, you have been wronged this time, isn't it...""I don't feel wronged." Lu Wei shook her head, raised her eyebrows, and looked a bit disdainful, "I won the battle, why should I feel wronged? They should be the one feeling wronged, okay, it's so good, three people can't beat the two of us. And, Mom, let me tell you, senior sister Yan Shuyao is super powerful, she has learned to fight, really! It's a fierce beating, piapiapia!"As she spoke, bright stars appeared in the little girl's eyes, and she stretched out her hand and gestured twice.Lu Zhiqiao was originally resentful but when she saw her daughter like this, she couldn't laugh or cry, her swollen eyes slightly bent: "Baby, do you want to learn?""What?""To fight.""Sister can teach me~" Lu Wei smirked.Lu Zhiqiao smiled, stroked her daughter's hair, and said: "Learning this is for self-defense. When you are bullied, resist, but you can't take the initiative to hit others.""I know."The mother and daughter comfort each other with hugs. The sun was getting lower and lower, and the sky was getting dark. Lu Zhiqiao asked her daughter to do her homework while she went to cook.The refrigerator was full, and when she opened it, seeing those ingredients, she thought of Qi Yan.She is busy and has no time to buy vegetables. Qi Yan buys all the food at home. That person is always worried about not having enough ingredients, so she has to make up for it immediately after eating a little, and all the food she buys are her and Niu Niu's favorite dishes.Lu Zhiqiao stood in front of the refrigerator, dazed, her throat sore.After being dazed for a while, she took out some dishes, put them on the counter, put on her apron, and cleaned up one by one. The phone rang several times in the middle, and it was all from the assistant. There was a lot of work, and she had to work overtime tomorrow.Because it was still early, she was not in a hurry, and slowly cut and washed vegetables, and gradually calmed down.The images of the afternoon flashed over and over again in her mind, and the chaotic and noisy voices echoed in her ears.She remembered that when she was in the office, the other three parents were anxious and noisy. After watching the surveillance, she was so anxious to protect her daughter that she didn't pay much attention to her surroundings.Then the "doll" was aggressive and provocative, and was reprimanded by the teacher, and then Qi Yan asked her daughter to apologize. She was so anxious that she didn't think about the reason, and assumed that Qi Yan forced her daughter to apologize.Things happened too quickly, the child apologized without a fuss, the parents refused to let go, and the "doll" came out to interrupt again and took Niu Niu away.Then she chased after them too.Then they went home.There was hardly any time to react and think.She was in a fit of anger, sometimes she regarded Qi Yan as a teacher, and sometimes she was her own person, her heart was in a mess, she couldn't think everything through, but subconsciously felt that she had missed something. Hearing what her daughter said just now, she suddenly realized that she most likely misunderstood Qi Yan.What was missing was the explanation from Qi Yan.Lu Zhiqiao paused, the kitchen knife stopped and fell, and then fell to the cutting board with a "bang".She slid her phone open, clicked into WeChat, and saw the head of the orange cat that she had set as priority, her heart trembled suddenly, and she poked her trembling fingers. She wanted to ask something, say something, but her mind went blank.She turned and left the kitchen, went to the peephole in front of the living room door, and looked at the opposite door through the small hole.Room 902 is closed.Lu Zhiqiao took a deep breath, stepped half a step back, and leaned against the door with her back, her heart was beating fast, and her palms were wet with sweat, feeling chilly.Shouldn't they... talk again?Just after a fight, she's afraid Qi Yan might ignore her. Both of them need to calm down. She thought the weekend would be the day after tomorrow, so she could sit down with Qi Yan and have a good talk,Lu Zhiqiao raised her hand to cover her heart, panted for a while, and walked slowly to the kitchen.The next day is Friday.Lu Zhiqiao didn't come home until after seven o'clock. When she entered the door, she saw the light on in the kitchen and there was a sound. She subconsciously thought it was Qi Yan.She changed her shoes, put her bag away, and walked over, only to see her daughter standing in front of the stove, cooking."Baby, what are you cooking?""Noodles." Lu Wei looked up at her, "I'm done cooking, mom, do you want to eat?"Lu Zhiqiao looked at the noodles in the pot, adding vegetables and eggs, it was quite rich, and said in amazement, "When did you learn it?""Teacher Qi taught me before.""..."The light in the kitchen was cold, reflecting Lu Zhiqiao's gray face. She opened her mouth and asked in a low voice, "Where's Teacher Qi?"Lu Wei turned off the fire and shook her head: "I knocked on the opposite door, but no one opened, it seems that she's not there.""oh."Lu Zhiqiao nodded sadly, and turned to get the bowl. The little girl put down the chopsticks in her hand, turned her head and said: "Mom, those three girls were punished yesterday,they posted the report of criticism today...there was also senior sister Yan Shuyao. The girl pursed her lips, seemingly unhappy."What about you? No, right?" She frowned."No." Lu Wei shrugged, her mouth still pouted, "Oh, by the way, Teacher Qi asked me to bring you a letter."The child turned around and ran back to the room. After a while, she ran over with a big envelope in her hand and gave it to her.Lu Zhiqiao hesitantly took the envelope, opened it, and there were five pieces of letter paper inside.Rows of vigorous and unruly handwriting came into view:Qiao:First of all, I apologize to you, I'm sorry. I didn't take your emotions into consideration that day, and said something that made you sad, which was very inappropriate. It was because I was too anxious, or because I was too self-righteous, or too selfish. I just wanted to analyze the whole story for you from a rational point of view, but ignored your state at that time. I should have reassured you first, and then explained to you when we each calmed down. This is my fault.Talking about the fight again, I think it is necessary for me to reorganize the process for you, and clarify my thoughts and explain the motivation of my behavior at that time.According to the children's account, the four seniors were in the same class and were good friends. Three of them, I will call ABC for the time being, and the other is called Y. After they met Niu Niu, they often hang out with each other. Because Niu Niu has a lot of pocket money, she is generous, and doesn't care about small gains and losses, ABC gradually began to take advantage of Niu Niu, Y stopped them several times after she found out, but ABC didn't take it seriously. Supplement: ABC treats junior girls with a sense of psychological superiority Until noon that day, the four senior sisters went to eat with Niu Niu. When they were walking on the road, ABC proposed to have Niu Niu treat them to a restaurant outside, but Y rejected it and proposed to go to the cafeteria. And Niu Niu was unwilling to treat them to eat, and agrees with Y's idea of going to the cafeteria. ABC didn't refute immediately, then Y went to the toilet, ABC took turns to persuade and coax Niu Niu to go outside, Niu Niu disagreed, and was cornered unknowingly.During this period, Niu Niu was provoked and ridiculed by ABC. They pointed out that her clothes and shoes are very expensive, and she shouldn't be stingy with money. After Y came back, she saw ABC surrounding Niu Niu, and went up to ask, Niu Niu answered truthfully, Y became upset and questioned ABC, C grabbed Niu Niu's clothes, roughly said that Niu Niu was rich, one piece of clothing had several meals, at this time Y pushed ABC away with her hands first, and her tone was not good, so ABC argued with her. During the process, Y kept pushing and shoving ABC, and Niu Niu stayed in the corner. Later, Y and ABC changed from pushing and shoving to full on brawl. At first, Niu Niu didn't go up to help immediately, but verbally persuaded them to fight.Y and Niu Niu had obvious advantages in height and physical strength, and the five of them quickly changed from wrestling into a group of two to fight three on one side. It happened that the teaching director and two other teachers passed by and stopped them immediately and took them away.Strictly speaking, the above cannot reach the level of "campus bullying", but if it continues to develop, it may evolve into bullying. Niu Niu's motive for beating people was not "resisting violence", but out of friendship, she joined in to help. After that, the five children beat each other.I was eating at the time, and the first thing I thought of when I got the news was "who did it first", because it involves whether Niu Niu will be punished or not. Selfishly speaking, when the consequences are immeasurable, I don't want things to become serious, and I don't want Niu Niu to be the one who is at fault and see her being punished. Then I thought of you, I guess you will be very anxious when you know, you may lose your mind and pin your hopes on me. Then I began to think about how I should handle this matter. If I didn't handle it well, would you blame me and push me away again? Because I really don't have the confidence to guarantee that my position in your heart is stable.I'm sorry, I was complacent that you and Niu Niu are my family and believed that no matter what happens, family members can understand each other, and it's better to talk at home if there was something to say, so the fastest and most effective way I thought of is to let the children reconcile in private, and go back and explain it to you. But I was wrong, sorry, I was being self-righteous again. Afterwards, I reflected that I should have made this point clear when I notified you. At that time, I was chaotic and anxious, and I had no experience in dealing with such matters. In addition, the leader was here, so I didn't know what to do. I have the inescapable responsibility for causing you to lose control of your emotions, sorry.Before the parents came, Teacher Liu from Class 5 severely criticized ABCY, but I was reluctant to scold Niu Niu, I knew it was not her fault. But this was out of my control. The leader watched, and Teacher Liu also watched. Five children participated in the fight, and four children were criticized.The whole thing is not your fault, nor is it my fault. You and I are just standing in different positions, but we are bound together again. Maybe you think you misunderstood me, surprised how I can have such an attitude, that's not the me you know, is it?The girl who jumped off the building died in front of me. The school took money to settle the matter in consideration of its reputation. The boy who came across me was slapped by me, the parents refused to let me go, and the leaders settled for the middle. Similar things have happened before, and the results are similar. It only took me two months from not giving up to accepting my fate. I used to think that I had money and family property, and I would be free enough in my life, but after entering school and working for a few years, I realized that there are some things that are more powerful than assets. There is money besides money, and strength beyond strength. I finally understand how heavy the gravitational pull of reality is, in such a miniature environment.In my opinion, a teacher is just a profession, no different from other professions, but in this land, it is seen more positively and brightly by the public, but it is also given more and higher requirements. A few years ago, I entered the campus with enthusiasm, thinking that as long as I kept my professional principles and moral bottom line, I would not be subject to any more constraints. I always kept my mentor's teachings in mind and did not step on the red line, but I also retained my persistence; that is not to sanctify it, not to carry unnecessary shackles. It's a pity that in front of the solid high-rise building, this persistence is too fragile. I gradually discovered that the freedom I want only exists in a specific circle, but I am like a tempted bird, flying away from the place that originally belonged to me, and stopping in this circle that does not belong to me and has other rules of the game.Over the past few years, I have been confused, doubted, and shaken. I began to understand that people like me are born unable to adapt to the rules of the game here. Of course, I am not willing to completely integrate myself, so after careful consideration, I decided to leave.What kind of person am I?I am very lucky to have a pair of parents who are tolerant and sensible, can bear hardships and stand hard work, and are relatively knowledgeable in educating children scientifically. They worked hard when they were young, accumulated wealth, and created an extremely favorable family environment for me. I am materially rich and spiritually rich. I have been surrounded by deep love since I was a child, so the world I see is colorful, and the people and things I come into contact with are rich and interesting. I can sit back and relax in my comfortable circle and have absolute freedom. But because of this, I know that the world is big, and people are small. Life is short for decades, and we must enjoy ourselves in time. If I love, I will let go and love boldly, holding out my whole heart. If I don't love, I will simply turn around without dragging my feet. Even if I'm hurt, I can heal myself. I don't lack love. Love is ordinary and common to me. No one, no environment can trap me like this.When I met you, I thought the so-called "love at first sight" was love at first sight. However, there are too many people like you under the same conditions. They have surrounded me since I was a child, but why is it you?When you said "If I am not a lively woman, how can my child have poetry and distance", I suddenly understood that you are not them, not a simple symbol, or a beautiful skin. I see your ruthlessness buried under suffering, your tenacity wrapped in weakness, and you are like a tenacious weed with a spicy and rough atmosphere, fresh and exuberant. It was a temperament completely opposite to mine. With curiosity, I approached you, got to know you, and gradually discovered that your heart is actually fragile, as if it could be defeated at any time. But I know that no one can beat you except yourself. I think you are what I understand as a "hero".You are like an enigma, and I have never truly touched your heart. The more so, the more I can't extricate myself, and the more overwhelmed and desperate I become. What I have, I'll give you; what you have, attracts me. We should complement each other, but obviously, there are still many unresolved problems between us. Relying on the throbbing of hormones alone is far from enough for a long-lasting relationship. You are not perfect, and I am not perfect. We carefully show each other's imperfections to each other, and we need to work together. But, unfortunately, we didn't get to the point where we were able to blend with each other.What happened that day was just a matter which triggered the problems buried deep between us.I'm a teacher at work, and I'm Qi Yan after work. Maybe the frequent change of identity makes you dizzy, making it impossible for you to accurately judge what I am in your mind. I believe that you care about me, and I have seen your changes with my own eyes, and understand that you are willing to come to me. I was pleasantly surprised and happy, thinking that the last hurdle was about to be crossed. But today I just realized that the real obstacle has not disappeared, it has always been there, and when it got triggered, it fell.It is so high, so big, dominated by you, I look up at it and lose all my strength.I'm tired.Maybe we all need to get back into our respective worlds, get quiet, and re-examine ourselves.The road of life is not over, the scenery is constantly changing, coming and going, just passing by. May you find your beloved for the rest of your life, be in harmony, be healthy, and be happy.--YanAfter reading the letter, Lu Zhiqiao froze in place.
