Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=3975255
this translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
The letter was full of sincerity, but every word was like a sharp knife, piercing deeply into Lu Zhiqiao's heart, opening one blood hole after another.
Hot white smoke rose from the pot, and the cold light shone on the letter paper, making the vigorous characters appear sharper, just like the letter writer, gentle and sharp. Lu Zhiqiao pursed her lips tightly, her hand holding the letter trembled slightly, her throat seemed to be strangled, and after a long time, she opened her mouth to take a breath.
She rushed out, from the kitchen to the front of the living room, the letter paper was scattered all over the place.
Randomly put on a pair of slippers, her hands trembled violently, fumbled on the door, opened the door after a while, and rushed out. Unexpectedly she staggered and she fell down, knocking her knee on the tiled floor with a boom.
A piercing pain came.
But it was no match from the pain in her heart.
As if she didn't notice it, she got up and brush off the dust on her body, and ran to the door of 902 in three steps at a time, and raised her hand to knock on the door.
"Qi Yan..."
"Are you there…"
She called out that person's name, her voice choking up, the golden number plate on the door gradually blurred in her sight as tears burst out.
"Qi Yan..."
After tapping for a long time, her palms became numb and painful, but no one opened it. She lay powerless on the door, her forehead pressed against it, panting lowly. Maybe she is not at home, maybe she is at home, but she just doesn't want to open the door for her, and doesn't want to see her.
How could she have the face to look for her?
"Mom."
Her daughter's voice came from behind, Lu Zhiqiao froze, hurriedly wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, turned around, and saw the child standing at the door, staring at her blankly: "Eat some noodles."
Lu Zhiqiao slightly hooked the corner of her mouth, showing a stiff smile: "Okay."
She turned her head and walked into the room. As she passed the elevator, she glanced back and quickly closed the door.
She picked up the letter papers one by one, as if there was something on it that couldn't be peeped at. She didn't dare to look at it again, hastily folded it up, stuffed it back into the envelope, and threw it onto the bedroom dressing table.
The noodles cooked by her daughter were delicious and warm. Lu Zhiqiao ate them very deliciously, but her cold heart did not warm up after eating the hot noodles. She was absent-minded, thinking about the words in the letter, and felt unreal for a moment.
In addition, everything that happened recently made her suspect that she was dreaming.
Everything is too fast.
Her mind went into overdrive, jumping quickly from one thing to another, interspersed with work, with little time to catch her breath. What was said and what was done, lightly flashed through her mind without leaving a trace.
"Mom, what did Teacher Qi write?" Lu Wei asked suddenly.
Lu Zhiqiao lowered her eyes guiltyly, and said softly, "It's nothing, eat quickly."
"Oh."
After eating the noodles, Lu Zhiqiao calmed down and remembered that she had the key to Qi Yan's house, so she immediately took the key and went to the opposite side.
Standing at the door, she hesitated again.
They fought, and the ambiguous relationship in the past collapsed. Even if she had the key, she could no longer open the door openly like before, and break into other people's homes without permission. Qi Yan was already disappointed and disheartened, she must be very disgusted to see her now, right? What if she is at home and saw her open the door and they bump into each other, what would she say in such a scene?
However, this is exactly what she wants.
She hoped that Qi Yan would be at home, and then they could sit down and have a good talk.
After hesitating again and again, Lu Zhiqiao made up her mind, took the key and gently pushed it into the lock, turned it, and opened the door.
No light leaked out, as expected, and the room was pitch black. She stood at the door and looked in.The dark room was like a bottomless vortex, empty and mysterious, drawing her in.
She took a step forward, touched the switch by the wall, pressed it, and the light turned on instantly.
There are still meteor bead curtains hanging on the ceiling, pink and purple balloons piled up in the corners, the TV is covered by a thin veil, and "happy birthday" is glued on it, nothing has changed. Lu Zhiqiao was stunned, thinking that time had flown back to the day of Qi Yan's birthday...
She carefully prepared a birthday surprise for Qi Yan, hoping to become the most important people in each other's lives on the important day. She even decided to express it in the most direct and passionate way, to let Qi Yan know that she is irreplaceable in her heart.
If she hadn't said those words impulsively because of the panic, if Qi Yan could have come back earlier, she wouldn't have been alone to face the shock the first time. Maybe they are sitting at the dinner table now, a family of three, enjoying themselves happily.
But in just a few days, everything changed.
Lu Zhiqiao laughed at herself, looked away and looked around. The room was quiet, obviously no one was there but she was a little unwilling to give up. She took off her shoes and stepped in barefoot, searching every corner.
Bedrooms, study room, balcony, toilets, kitchen, even closets...
At times, she felt guilty and felt like a thief breaking into a house, while at other times, she was as calm and natural as usual. After searching around, she finally realized the fact that Qi Yan was not at home.
Looking at the empty room, Lu Zhiqiao suddenly thought of Qi Yan leaving, as mentioned in the letter, and a feeling of fear lingered in her heart. She picked up her mobile phone and clicked into WeChat, poked into the orange cat's profile picture, and typed quickly.
[Where are you?]
The message was sent out smoothly, she breathed a sigh of relief, and sat on the sofa with her phone in her hands.
There was no reply there.
There was constant news in the home-school group. Several active parents were discussing their children's homework. Lu Zhiqiao stared at the screen, fearing that the orange cat's head would suddenly appear and she'll miss it. But after waiting for nearly half an hour, no one chatted, the group became cold, and no one came out to speak.
Similarly, there was no reply to her private chat.
Lu Zhiqiao became impatient, thinking that the last time a parent posted a price bargaining link in the group and was stopped by Qi Yan. She couldn't take care of it anymore, she downloaded a shopping software, casually sent a group link to it, and then type.
[Please click for help~ Thank you]
The moment she sent it out, she froze, and then felt a chill.
She never speaks in such a tone, and usually chats with people online, and she doesn't even post emoticons. However, when she was typing, she thought that Qi Yan appearing soon, and didn't think too much about it until she sent it. She saw the coquettish and diva-like sentences floating on the huge mobile phone screen, and her face turned sour from embarrassment.
As long as Qi Yan can be drawn out, it's fine.
One minute, two minutes... ten minutes passed and no one responded.
Lu Zhiqiao sent another one.
Still no reply.
She was a little discouraged, so she logged out of WeChat, opened her phonebook, found the number she had saved as "Yanyan", and dialed it. No one answered for a long time, only the formulaic voice prompt was heard.
Maybe she's busy, maybe it's muted, maybe...
Lu Zhiqiao found many reasons and kept comforting herself, but she didn't dare to think about another possibility, and she didn't want to think about it. She called again, still no answer.
She nust be busy.
She lowered her head, slid her fingers on the phone screen, opened an app and quit it, and repeated this, like a cat scratching her heart.
It was a long wait, ten minutes felt like ten hours, and she pressed the number again, holding her breath and waiting. This time it didn't ring for a long time, because she heard the "user turned off" prompt tone.
Turned off...
That means, Qi Yan saw her message and also saw her phone call, but she didn't answer. Didn't answer, and finally turned off the phone.
Lu Zhiqiao's eyes turned red all of a sudden, she loosened her fingers with a flick, and the phone fell to the ground with a "slap".
The meteor bead curtain overhead swayed slightly, as if there was wind.
Her shoulders collapsed, and so did her heart, and her body slumped backwards, leaning against the back of the sofa and closing her eyes. A transparent tear flowed down and wet her tear mole.
.…
Lu Zhiqiao sat at 902 until late at night, it was midnight, and she didn't wait for Qi Yan to come back. She yawned, her red and swollen eyes were full of tiredness, and she had no more tears to shed.
There was silence in the corridor.
She picked up her phone, stood up from the sofa, swayed for a while, stabilized herself, staggered to put on her shoes, took a last look at the room, turned off the lights and left.
Today, on the 16th day of the lunar calendar, there is no cloud at night, and a round porcelain white moon hangs high in the sky, as large as a plate.
Her daughter is already asleep.
Lu Zhiqiao hurriedly took a shower, brushed her teeth, went back to her room and lay down on the bed. She turned off the lights, and was eager to fall asleep.
In the dark, she closed her eyes and lay down for a while. She felt dizzy, her eyes hurt, and her body was tired, but she didn't feel sleepy at all. Her mind was steaming like boiling water, and she was a little anxious.
——sorry, the user you dialed has turned off the phone.
She felt slightly suffocated, opened her eyes suddenly, panting with her lips half-opened, hurriedly picked up the phone by the bed, opened it to check WeChat, hoping to get a reply by chance.
Of course, there was nothing.
There was no movement in the home-school group either.
She dialed Qi Yan's number again, but the phone is still off.
Lu Zhiqiao gave up completely, put her phone down, stared at the darkness where she couldn't see her fingers, a trace of despair slowly flowed out...
She sat up, turned on the light, took the letter on the dressing table, opened and read it again. Read it carefully, word by word, as if Qi Yan was standing in front of her.
[If I love, I will let go and love boldly, holding out my whole heart. If I don’t love, then I will simply turn around without procrastinating.]——This sentence is to tell her that Qi Yan loves her regardless of everything, and if she doesn't love her, she can turn around and leave, come and go freely like the wind, and not be trapped by feelings.
[The real obstacle has not disappeared, it has always been there, when we got triggered, it fell down.]——This sentence is to tell her that their fight is only the direct cause, and the root cause is what made Qi Yan turn around and leave. So far, nothing has been said about what that is.
[It's so high, so big, and it's under your control.]——This sentence is to tell her that the so-called "root cause" lies with her. Qi Yan has already done 99% of it, but her 1% is the key. It is a bit difficult to find it and overcome it, and she can only rely on herself.
[Maybe we all need to go back to our respective worlds, calm down, and re-examine ourselves.]——This sentence is to tell her that they should separate and reflect on their own, but according to the previous content, it is obvious that she needs to reflect more. At the same time, it also reminds her to face her own heart directly, which is more like a hint. If the reason and obstacle are found and resolved, there is still a chance.
Lu Zhiqiao read it over and over again, using her analytical spirit to analyze the market. She dug through each word and gradually clearing it up in her mind.
In all the above words, there is no certainty between the lines, no definition of events and viewpoints, in short, they leave room, and even faintly remind her. But after analyzing the remaining two sentences, the hope that she finally ignited, like a candle flickering in the wind, was finally wiped out.
[I'm tired]—Qi Yan doesn't want to love her anymore.
[May you find your beloved for the rest of your life]—Qi Yan doesn't want her anymore.
Just those words, sent her to hell.
Lu Zhiqiao slumped against the back of the bed, her swollen and red eyes lost their luster, her heart collapsed into ruins. Her shell that had been hesitantly peeled off bit by bit over the past few months, wished it could grow back again.
They met in an absurd accident. At first, neither of them thought of being serious. Qi Yan teased her, but only lusted for her looks. While she hadn't tasted meat for many years, she couldn't control her instincts. In Qi Yan's eyes, she was a prospective girlfriend, and in her eyes, Qi Yan was her child's teacher.
She resisted and kept her distance, but she didn't know when Qi Yan's feelings for her had a qualitative change.
Because of the pitiful lack of emotional experience, she has always been vigilant against Qi Yan, never letting herself fall into the trap easily, but she didn't know that emotions cannot be controlled by humans.
As she retreated, Qi Yan pursued and fiercely attacked, so passionate that she couldn't resist. When she was moved, Qi Yan was gentle in every way, loving and doting on her, giving her a sense of security she had never felt before. When she fell, Qi Yan got tired and let go, turned away without leaving any trace.
The person who was "not lacking in love" and "surrounded by love" clapped her hands and walked away neatly, leaving her, who was riddled with holes and unable to extricate herself, standing where she was, enduring the cold wind alone.
But who is to blame?
Why did it become what it is today?
Lu Zhiqiao sniffed, closed her sore eyes, and pinched herself hard.
She didn't know that the way she greeted love for the first time, being cautious and overly considerate, in Qi Yan's eyes, was a signal of resistance and retreat. But she knew that she wasn't able to balance Qi Yan and her daughter's positions in her heart. Of course, she didn't know how to balance. It was her fault.
When she couldn't get away, Qi Yan gave up.
"May you find your beloved for the rest of your life", but there is no such beloved as Qi Yan, and even if there is, it is not Qi Yan...
….
The next day is Saturday.
Lu Zhiqiao hadn't slept all night, and it was only after dawn that she was able to fall asleep. When she woke up at noon, she was dazed and dizzy. The moment she woke up, she heard the sound of chopping vegetables from the kitchen. She habitually thought it was Qi Yan, and walked out with her slippers on, but it was her daughter.
"Baby?"
She froze and woke up instantly.
The little girl was wearing an apron that was obviously two sizes too big, standing in front of the counter, holding a kitchen knife in her hand, and was cutting tomatoes. She turned her head when she heard the sound, her eyes lit up: "Mom, are you awake?"
"What are you... doing?" Lu Zhiqiao rubbed her temples and walked over.
"Cutting vegetables, to make scrambled eggs with tomatoes."
She opened her mouth, and just about to ask, the child raised her eyebrows and said triumphantly, "Teacher Qi taught me last time. It's very simple. I learned it just by looking. I'll show you later~" After finishing speaking, she pointed at the rice cooker with a kitchen knife. "The rice is cooking." Teacher Qi said that two cups of rice and the water should not be over the back of the hand. I like to eat harder rice, so I poured a little less "
Those sentences, full of Teacher Qi.
Lu Zhiqiao froze, suddenly thinking of last night, her heart trembled, and she lowered her eyes
It was already half past twelve. If she was at home on weekends, she should have just finished lunch at this point. She slept so late for the first time today, and her child was so hungry that she cooked by herself without disturbing her. She felt really ashamed as a mother.
Even life skills have to be taught by Qi Yan.
Thinking so in her heart, Lu Zhiqiao raised the corners of her mouth, showed a loving and appreciative smile, and praised softly: "The little girl has grown up and learned to cook."
"He he~"
Lu Wei was so flattered by the praise, she grinned and became more serious in chopping vegetables. It's just that she is young, weak, and unskilled, and she can't always master the strength. The tomato pieces are sometimes big and sometimes small.
"By the way, Mom, I went to see Teacher Qi in the morning. She doesn't seem to be at home. You should call her and ask when she will be back."
Lu Zhiqiao's smile froze at the corner of her lips, and she asked guiltily, "Why were you looking for Teacher Qi...?"
"She said she'll teach me to bake cakes." The little girl said without raising her head.
After a long while, she didn't hear her mother speak. She put down the kitchen knife, raised her head, looked at her mother suspiciously, and then blinked: "You two haven't made up after arguing, have you?"
Lu Zhiqiao lowered her eyes and remained silent.
"Uh, I didn't say anything." Lu Wei turned her face away carefully and continued to chop vegetables.
After a long time, Lu Zhiqiao sighed, turned around and went out to wash up, then returned to the kitchen, let her daughter finish frying the "national dish", and she took over the rest of the dishes.
The mother and daughter had a simple lunch.
After dinner, Lu Zhiqiao allowed her daughter to play on the computer for two hours before practicing piano and doing homework. She cleaned up the house, looked at her mobile phone, and still hadn't received a reply on WeChat. She called again, the phone wasn't off but no one answered it.
She understands, understands everything.
….
Throughout the afternoon, Lu Zhiqiao kept sending messages to Qi Yan, apologizing and explaining over and over again, but the woman never replied.
She had the audacity to search the Internet for "I had an argument with my girlfriend, she is angry, how to coax her", and looked through other people's answers, and found that it was just a small fight between lovers. Obviously, their situation is different.
Qi Yan couldn't be contacted, and today was the weekend, and the school was closed, so she could only stay at home, hoping that Qi Yan would come back.
Lu Zhiqiao sat in the living room from late afternoon until the sun sank and there was never a sound in the corridor. It was time to make dinner now so she walked into the kitchen resignedly, thinking about what to cook for the night, took the food from the refrigerator, and glanced at the overstuffed trash can on the floor.
She put down the dishes, wrapped her hands in a paper towel, bent down and picked up the garbage bag, tied it up, and decided to throw it away.
The hallway wind in the corridor was warm. Lu Zhiqiao came out after throwing out the garbage, and was about to go back, when suddenly she saw the number of the elevator stop at "9", and then heard a "ding"...
The door opened.
A familiar figure came. Tall, with slender legs, and the waist-length hair, which was originally black and silky, is gone, now only hanging behind her shoulders.
Their eyes met.
"Qi Yan—"
Lu Zhiqiao reacted quickly, stepped forward and grabbed her wrist, her lips twitched, and asked softly, "Can I talk to you?"
Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=3975255
this translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
The letter was full of sincerity, but every word was like a sharp knife, piercing deeply into Lu Zhiqiao's heart, opening one blood hole after another.
Hot white smoke rose from the pot, and the cold light shone on the letter paper, making the vigorous characters appear sharper, just like the letter writer, gentle and sharp. Lu Zhiqiao pursed her lips tightly, her hand holding the letter trembled slightly, her throat seemed to be strangled, and after a long time, she opened her mouth to take a breath.
She rushed out, from the kitchen to the front of the living room, the letter paper was scattered all over the place.
Randomly put on a pair of slippers, her hands trembled violently, fumbled on the door, opened the door after a while, and rushed out. Unexpectedly she staggered and she fell down, knocking her knee on the tiled floor with a boom.
A piercing pain came.
But it was no match from the pain in her heart.
As if she didn't notice it, she got up and brush off the dust on her body, and ran to the door of 902 in three steps at a time, and raised her hand to knock on the door.
"Qi Yan..."
"Are you there…"
She called out that person's name, her voice choking up, the golden number plate on the door gradually blurred in her sight as tears burst out.
"Qi Yan..."
After tapping for a long time, her palms became numb and painful, but no one opened it. She lay powerless on the door, her forehead pressed against it, panting lowly. Maybe she is not at home, maybe she is at home, but she just doesn't want to open the door for her, and doesn't want to see her.
How could she have the face to look for her?
"Mom."
Her daughter's voice came from behind, Lu Zhiqiao froze, hurriedly wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, turned around, and saw the child standing at the door, staring at her blankly: "Eat some noodles."
Lu Zhiqiao slightly hooked the corner of her mouth, showing a stiff smile: "Okay."
She turned her head and walked into the room. As she passed the elevator, she glanced back and quickly closed the door.
She picked up the letter papers one by one, as if there was something on it that couldn't be peeped at. She didn't dare to look at it again, hastily folded it up, stuffed it back into the envelope, and threw it onto the bedroom dressing table.
The noodles cooked by her daughter were delicious and warm. Lu Zhiqiao ate them very deliciously, but her cold heart did not warm up after eating the hot noodles. She was absent-minded, thinking about the words in the letter, and felt unreal for a moment.
In addition, everything that happened recently made her suspect that she was dreaming.
Everything is too fast.
Her mind went into overdrive, jumping quickly from one thing to another, interspersed with work, with little time to catch her breath. What was said and what was done, lightly flashed through her mind without leaving a trace.
"Mom, what did Teacher Qi write?" Lu Wei asked suddenly.
Lu Zhiqiao lowered her eyes guiltyly, and said softly, "It's nothing, eat quickly."
"Oh."
After eating the noodles, Lu Zhiqiao calmed down and remembered that she had the key to Qi Yan's house, so she immediately took the key and went to the opposite side.
Standing at the door, she hesitated again.
They fought, and the ambiguous relationship in the past collapsed. Even if she had the key, she could no longer open the door openly like before, and break into other people's homes without permission. Qi Yan was already disappointed and disheartened, she must be very disgusted to see her now, right? What if she is at home and saw her open the door and they bump into each other, what would she say in such a scene?
However, this is exactly what she wants.
She hoped that Qi Yan would be at home, and then they could sit down and have a good talk.
After hesitating again and again, Lu Zhiqiao made up her mind, took the key and gently pushed it into the lock, turned it, and opened the door.
No light leaked out, as expected, and the room was pitch black. She stood at the door and looked in.The dark room was like a bottomless vortex, empty and mysterious, drawing her in.
She took a step forward, touched the switch by the wall, pressed it, and the light turned on instantly.
There are still meteor bead curtains hanging on the ceiling, pink and purple balloons piled up in the corners, the TV is covered by a thin veil, and "happy birthday" is glued on it, nothing has changed. Lu Zhiqiao was stunned, thinking that time had flown back to the day of Qi Yan's birthday...
She carefully prepared a birthday surprise for Qi Yan, hoping to become the most important people in each other's lives on the important day. She even decided to express it in the most direct and passionate way, to let Qi Yan know that she is irreplaceable in her heart.
If she hadn't said those words impulsively because of the panic, if Qi Yan could have come back earlier, she wouldn't have been alone to face the shock the first time. Maybe they are sitting at the dinner table now, a family of three, enjoying themselves happily.
But in just a few days, everything changed.
Lu Zhiqiao laughed at herself, looked away and looked around. The room was quiet, obviously no one was there but she was a little unwilling to give up. She took off her shoes and stepped in barefoot, searching every corner.
Bedrooms, study room, balcony, toilets, kitchen, even closets...
At times, she felt guilty and felt like a thief breaking into a house, while at other times, she was as calm and natural as usual. After searching around, she finally realized the fact that Qi Yan was not at home.
Looking at the empty room, Lu Zhiqiao suddenly thought of Qi Yan leaving, as mentioned in the letter, and a feeling of fear lingered in her heart. She picked up her mobile phone and clicked into WeChat, poked into the orange cat's profile picture, and typed quickly.
[Where are you?]
The message was sent out smoothly, she breathed a sigh of relief, and sat on the sofa with her phone in her hands.
There was no reply there.
There was constant news in the home-school group. Several active parents were discussing their children's homework. Lu Zhiqiao stared at the screen, fearing that the orange cat's head would suddenly appear and she'll miss it. But after waiting for nearly half an hour, no one chatted, the group became cold, and no one came out to speak.
Similarly, there was no reply to her private chat.
Lu Zhiqiao became impatient, thinking that the last time a parent posted a price bargaining link in the group and was stopped by Qi Yan. She couldn't take care of it anymore, she downloaded a shopping software, casually sent a group link to it, and then type.
[Please click for help~ Thank you]
The moment she sent it out, she froze, and then felt a chill.
She never speaks in such a tone, and usually chats with people online, and she doesn't even post emoticons. However, when she was typing, she thought that Qi Yan appearing soon, and didn't think too much about it until she sent it. She saw the coquettish and diva-like sentences floating on the huge mobile phone screen, and her face turned sour from embarrassment.
As long as Qi Yan can be drawn out, it's fine.
One minute, two minutes... ten minutes passed and no one responded.
Lu Zhiqiao sent another one.
Still no reply.
She was a little discouraged, so she logged out of WeChat, opened her phonebook, found the number she had saved as "Yanyan", and dialed it. No one answered for a long time, only the formulaic voice prompt was heard.
Maybe she's busy, maybe it's muted, maybe...
Lu Zhiqiao found many reasons and kept comforting herself, but she didn't dare to think about another possibility, and she didn't want to think about it. She called again, still no answer.
She nust be busy.
She lowered her head, slid her fingers on the phone screen, opened an app and quit it, and repeated this, like a cat scratching her heart.
It was a long wait, ten minutes felt like ten hours, and she pressed the number again, holding her breath and waiting. This time it didn't ring for a long time, because she heard the "user turned off" prompt tone.
Turned off...
That means, Qi Yan saw her message and also saw her phone call, but she didn't answer. Didn't answer, and finally turned off the phone.
Lu Zhiqiao's eyes turned red all of a sudden, she loosened her fingers with a flick, and the phone fell to the ground with a "slap".
The meteor bead curtain overhead swayed slightly, as if there was wind.
Her shoulders collapsed, and so did her heart, and her body slumped backwards, leaning against the back of the sofa and closing her eyes. A transparent tear flowed down and wet her tear mole.
.…
Lu Zhiqiao sat at 902 until late at night, it was midnight, and she didn't wait for Qi Yan to come back. She yawned, her red and swollen eyes were full of tiredness, and she had no more tears to shed.
There was silence in the corridor.
She picked up her phone, stood up from the sofa, swayed for a while, stabilized herself, staggered to put on her shoes, took a last look at the room, turned off the lights and left.
Today, on the 16th day of the lunar calendar, there is no cloud at night, and a round porcelain white moon hangs high in the sky, as large as a plate.
Her daughter is already asleep.
Lu Zhiqiao hurriedly took a shower, brushed her teeth, went back to her room and lay down on the bed. She turned off the lights, and was eager to fall asleep.
In the dark, she closed her eyes and lay down for a while. She felt dizzy, her eyes hurt, and her body was tired, but she didn't feel sleepy at all. Her mind was steaming like boiling water, and she was a little anxious.
——sorry, the user you dialed has turned off the phone.
She felt slightly suffocated, opened her eyes suddenly, panting with her lips half-opened, hurriedly picked up the phone by the bed, opened it to check WeChat, hoping to get a reply by chance.
Of course, there was nothing.
There was no movement in the home-school group either.
She dialed Qi Yan's number again, but the phone is still off.
Lu Zhiqiao gave up completely, put her phone down, stared at the darkness where she couldn't see her fingers, a trace of despair slowly flowed out...
She sat up, turned on the light, took the letter on the dressing table, opened and read it again. Read it carefully, word by word, as if Qi Yan was standing in front of her.
[If I love, I will let go and love boldly, holding out my whole heart. If I don’t love, then I will simply turn around without procrastinating.]——This sentence is to tell her that Qi Yan loves her regardless of everything, and if she doesn't love her, she can turn around and leave, come and go freely like the wind, and not be trapped by feelings.
[The real obstacle has not disappeared, it has always been there, when we got triggered, it fell down.]——This sentence is to tell her that their fight is only the direct cause, and the root cause is what made Qi Yan turn around and leave. So far, nothing has been said about what that is.
[It's so high, so big, and it's under your control.]——This sentence is to tell her that the so-called "root cause" lies with her. Qi Yan has already done 99% of it, but her 1% is the key. It is a bit difficult to find it and overcome it, and she can only rely on herself.
[Maybe we all need to go back to our respective worlds, calm down, and re-examine ourselves.]——This sentence is to tell her that they should separate and reflect on their own, but according to the previous content, it is obvious that she needs to reflect more. At the same time, it also reminds her to face her own heart directly, which is more like a hint. If the reason and obstacle are found and resolved, there is still a chance.
Lu Zhiqiao read it over and over again, using her analytical spirit to analyze the market. She dug through each word and gradually clearing it up in her mind.
In all the above words, there is no certainty between the lines, no definition of events and viewpoints, in short, they leave room, and even faintly remind her. But after analyzing the remaining two sentences, the hope that she finally ignited, like a candle flickering in the wind, was finally wiped out.
[I'm tired]—Qi Yan doesn't want to love her anymore.
[May you find your beloved for the rest of your life]—Qi Yan doesn't want her anymore.
Just those words, sent her to hell.
Lu Zhiqiao slumped against the back of the bed, her swollen and red eyes lost their luster, her heart collapsed into ruins. Her shell that had been hesitantly peeled off bit by bit over the past few months, wished it could grow back again.
They met in an absurd accident. At first, neither of them thought of being serious. Qi Yan teased her, but only lusted for her looks. While she hadn't tasted meat for many years, she couldn't control her instincts. In Qi Yan's eyes, she was a prospective girlfriend, and in her eyes, Qi Yan was her child's teacher.
She resisted and kept her distance, but she didn't know when Qi Yan's feelings for her had a qualitative change.
Because of the pitiful lack of emotional experience, she has always been vigilant against Qi Yan, never letting herself fall into the trap easily, but she didn't know that emotions cannot be controlled by humans.
As she retreated, Qi Yan pursued and fiercely attacked, so passionate that she couldn't resist. When she was moved, Qi Yan was gentle in every way, loving and doting on her, giving her a sense of security she had never felt before. When she fell, Qi Yan got tired and let go, turned away without leaving any trace.
The person who was "not lacking in love" and "surrounded by love" clapped her hands and walked away neatly, leaving her, who was riddled with holes and unable to extricate herself, standing where she was, enduring the cold wind alone.
But who is to blame?
Why did it become what it is today?
Lu Zhiqiao sniffed, closed her sore eyes, and pinched herself hard.
She didn't know that the way she greeted love for the first time, being cautious and overly considerate, in Qi Yan's eyes, was a signal of resistance and retreat. But she knew that she wasn't able to balance Qi Yan and her daughter's positions in her heart. Of course, she didn't know how to balance. It was her fault.
When she couldn't get away, Qi Yan gave up.
"May you find your beloved for the rest of your life", but there is no such beloved as Qi Yan, and even if there is, it is not Qi Yan...
….
The next day is Saturday.
Lu Zhiqiao hadn't slept all night, and it was only after dawn that she was able to fall asleep. When she woke up at noon, she was dazed and dizzy. The moment she woke up, she heard the sound of chopping vegetables from the kitchen. She habitually thought it was Qi Yan, and walked out with her slippers on, but it was her daughter.
"Baby?"
She froze and woke up instantly.
The little girl was wearing an apron that was obviously two sizes too big, standing in front of the counter, holding a kitchen knife in her hand, and was cutting tomatoes. She turned her head when she heard the sound, her eyes lit up: "Mom, are you awake?"
"What are you... doing?" Lu Zhiqiao rubbed her temples and walked over.
"Cutting vegetables, to make scrambled eggs with tomatoes."
She opened her mouth, and just about to ask, the child raised her eyebrows and said triumphantly, "Teacher Qi taught me last time. It's very simple. I learned it just by looking. I'll show you later~" After finishing speaking, she pointed at the rice cooker with a kitchen knife. "The rice is cooking." Teacher Qi said that two cups of rice and the water should not be over the back of the hand. I like to eat harder rice, so I poured a little less "
Those sentences, full of Teacher Qi.
Lu Zhiqiao froze, suddenly thinking of last night, her heart trembled, and she lowered her eyes
It was already half past twelve. If she was at home on weekends, she should have just finished lunch at this point. She slept so late for the first time today, and her child was so hungry that she cooked by herself without disturbing her. She felt really ashamed as a mother.
Even life skills have to be taught by Qi Yan.
Thinking so in her heart, Lu Zhiqiao raised the corners of her mouth, showed a loving and appreciative smile, and praised softly: "The little girl has grown up and learned to cook."
"He he~"
Lu Wei was so flattered by the praise, she grinned and became more serious in chopping vegetables. It's just that she is young, weak, and unskilled, and she can't always master the strength. The tomato pieces are sometimes big and sometimes small.
"By the way, Mom, I went to see Teacher Qi in the morning. She doesn't seem to be at home. You should call her and ask when she will be back."
Lu Zhiqiao's smile froze at the corner of her lips, and she asked guiltily, "Why were you looking for Teacher Qi...?"
"She said she'll teach me to bake cakes." The little girl said without raising her head.
After a long while, she didn't hear her mother speak. She put down the kitchen knife, raised her head, looked at her mother suspiciously, and then blinked: "You two haven't made up after arguing, have you?"
Lu Zhiqiao lowered her eyes and remained silent.
"Uh, I didn't say anything." Lu Wei turned her face away carefully and continued to chop vegetables.
After a long time, Lu Zhiqiao sighed, turned around and went out to wash up, then returned to the kitchen, let her daughter finish frying the "national dish", and she took over the rest of the dishes.
The mother and daughter had a simple lunch.
After dinner, Lu Zhiqiao allowed her daughter to play on the computer for two hours before practicing piano and doing homework. She cleaned up the house, looked at her mobile phone, and still hadn't received a reply on WeChat. She called again, the phone wasn't off but no one answered it.
She understands, understands everything.
….
Throughout the afternoon, Lu Zhiqiao kept sending messages to Qi Yan, apologizing and explaining over and over again, but the woman never replied.
She had the audacity to search the Internet for "I had an argument with my girlfriend, she is angry, how to coax her", and looked through other people's answers, and found that it was just a small fight between lovers. Obviously, their situation is different.
Qi Yan couldn't be contacted, and today was the weekend, and the school was closed, so she could only stay at home, hoping that Qi Yan would come back.
Lu Zhiqiao sat in the living room from late afternoon until the sun sank and there was never a sound in the corridor. It was time to make dinner now so she walked into the kitchen resignedly, thinking about what to cook for the night, took the food from the refrigerator, and glanced at the overstuffed trash can on the floor.
She put down the dishes, wrapped her hands in a paper towel, bent down and picked up the garbage bag, tied it up, and decided to throw it away.
The hallway wind in the corridor was warm. Lu Zhiqiao came out after throwing out the garbage, and was about to go back, when suddenly she saw the number of the elevator stop at "9", and then heard a "ding"...
The door opened.
A familiar figure came. Tall, with slender legs, and the waist-length hair, which was originally black and silky, is gone, now only hanging behind her shoulders.
Their eyes met.
"Qi Yan—"
Lu Zhiqiao reacted quickly, stepped forward and grabbed her wrist, her lips twitched, and asked softly, "Can I talk to you?"
