this translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
The horizontal line was faint, like a barrier, completely blocking Lu Zhiqiao's prying sight. Her heart tightened, her mind went blank for two seconds, and she realized a serious matter.
Blocked?
She was a little flustered, double-clicked the upper left corner with her fingertips to exit, poked into the dialog box that had been marked "Yan Yan"and sent a "cute" emoji.
At that moment, her heart was hanging on her throat.
The expected red dot did not appear, and the message was sent safely. Lu Zhiqiao breathed a sigh of relief, her whole body collapsed, and she leaned back against the back of the chair.
Good thing, it's just restricted.
Wen Zilong, who was sitting opposite, raised her head, the redness in her eyes had subsided, he didn't notice Lu Zhiqiao's abnormality. He ate a few mouthfuls of food, drank the remaining wine in the glass, refilled it, and drank it all in one gulp.
"Drink less."
Lu Zhiqiao kept an eye on WeChat from the corner of her eye, but did not receive a reply. Feeling disappointed, she locked the screen and saw Wen Zilong pouring alcohol, and couldn't help reminding him.
Wen Zilong didn't speak, and drank several more glasses one after another. Lu Zhiqiao reached out to snatch the bottle, but he took it away first, put it aside, and raised his hands in surrender: "Okay, I won't drink."
He finally had a smile on his face.
"I thought about it for a while. Sister Minxi said that this matter may not be convenient, or I..."
"Don't mention sad things, and I don't want to gossip about your **." Lu Zhiqiao looked at him helplessly, and persuaded gently.
Although she was quite curious about the past of Gu Shuning and "sister", it was obviously a wound on Wen Zilong's heart, and she couldn't do such a thing as exposing a friend's scar to satisfy her own curiosity.
Wen Zilong shook his head, with guilt in his eyes: "I hid too much from you before, after all, we have known each other for several years…and I'm not saying anything." After finishing speaking, he added: "Don't worry, I'm fine."
".....good."
Lu Zhiqiao slightly raised the corners of her mouth and smiled.
Under the windows facing the street, there are bustling crowds, and there are many high-rise buildings outside, full of fast-paced atmosphere. At this moment, the private room is calm and quiet, with wine, food, and stories...
Wen Zilong was born in a poor mountain village, where the transportation is not developed, the information is blocked, and the people are very traditional.
There are three children in the family, he is the youngest, and he has two older sisters, the eldest sister Wen Ziyan and the second sister Wen Ziyu. Their parents are a typical patriarchal-thinking people, raising daughters just hoping that they can go out to work early to earn money, subsidize the family, support the younger brother to study, and then marry at a similar age, in exchange for a bride price for the younger brother to marry a wife.
As the younger brother was held highly in the hands of the whole family, Wen Zilong didn't realize that his older sisters were sacrifices. He had a good relationship with his two older sisters. The eggs saved by his parents for him, he secretly gave them to his sisters to eat. His parents asked his sister to work, and he clamored to help. His parents scold his sisters as money losers*, he didn't hesitate to scold back.
*original term used is pei qian huo, money-losing good; an old derogatory term for a girl, because the natal family has to prepare dowry when they get married, hence the name.
His two older sisters are also very kind to him.
The eldest sister dropped out of junior high school and went to work in a big city. Because she didn’t have a high diploma and no special skills, she could only go to the factory assembly line to do some simple and repetitive work. The monthly salary was several hundred yuan, including food and housing. Two-thirds of the money can be sent home by saving money for a month.
It was five years of hard work.
Five years later, the second sister Wen Ziyu graduated from junior high school and followed in the footsteps of her elder sister to the factory to do the same simple work. She is completely different from the honest elder sister. She is cheerful and outgoing, has a lot of clever ideas, and she has a lively mind. After two or three months of working in the factory, she felt that her salary was too little and she had to send most of it back home, which was not enough for her, so she had the idea to find another way out.
Although she doesn't have a high degree of education, she likes to read books, all kinds of messy books, and wants to learn new things from people in the city, but everything costs money. What to do? She found a job with quick pay: promoting and selling alcoholic beverages.
At first, she only promoted wine in KTV and small nightclubs, selling and laughing, because of her good looks, cheerful and sweet mouth, her performance has always been very good. She sends back a portion of the money earned, and the rest can only provide her with food and clothing, but not her needs for learning new things.Gradually, her appetite began to grow and she wanted to earn more money.
Later, she entered "Jiangnan Bay" - the largest nightclub at that time, and the people who frequented were high-ranking government officials and business leaders.
Wen Ziyu only sold wine at first, but later her parents kept asking them sisters for money. The elder sister’s salary was too small to pay, and her health was not in good condition. She was worried that her sister would be stressed, so she sent most of her savings back home. At the same time, her inner desire for money has become stronger.
In the end, she stepped into the abyss.
In a few years, she became a well-known courtesan in "Jiangnan Bay", and the people around her were all high-ranking and powerful people. She also learned a lot of important political secrets and some shady activities when she traveled among these people.
The world is darker than she imagined.
At the age of twenty-eight, she met Gu Shuning.
"My eldest sister died of illness when she was 20 years old. She was overworked. She knew what my second sister was doing at that time. She persuaded her many times, but the second sister refused to listen, because the family was a bottomless pit. She also wanted us to live a good life..." When Wen Zilong said this, there was a look of self-mockery in his eyes, he is a vampire who has a bottomless pit and unconsciously sucks the blood of his sisters.
"Afterwards, my second sister met Ms. Gu who started her own business in Jiangcheng at that time."
Gu Shuning's mother, Gu Lan, was once the top brand of "Jiangnan Bay". She only served a few officials. The forces behind her were intricate and complicated. There were many people who liked her, and many people wanted to get rid of her.
Very early on, Gu Lan had a fling with a certain foreign guest, and unexpectedly had Gu Shuning.
She has a beautiful mixed-race face.
Gu Shuning looked down on her mother since she was a child, and vowed to rely on her own ability to start a career, but at that time, she was young and didn't know much, so she relied on her mother's connections to gain a foothold in Jiangcheng and develop steadily.
At the beginning of the company's establishment, there were only five people, and Gu Shuning did most of the work by herself. Internally, she had to calculate accounts, train and make plans, and externally, she had to negotiate loans and go to the market. It was very hard.
But she persevered, and by the year she met Wen Ziyu, the company had already gained a small scale.
They met in "Jiangnan Bay".
"My second sister never knew that she liked women. She always wanted to save a lot of money and quit, and find a random man to marry. But after meeting Ms. Gu..."
Wen Ziyu fell in love with Gu Shuning.
However, Gu Shuning despised Wen Ziyu for being dirty.
The courtesan who shuttles in the mud can fascinate men and women as well. Wen Ziyu has a wealth of contacts and resources, and has helped Gu Shuning a lot. Since the two met, she rarely went to "Jiangnan Bay".
Gu Shuning doesn't know when she fell in love with Wen Ziyu, but she doesn't feel secure and doesn't believe anyone. At this time, the mother she looked down upon has passed away for many years, leaving her with a huge inheritance. She began to reinterpret her mother's life and tried to understand and accept Wen Ziyu.
It was difficult for her to get over the hurdle in her heart. She felt that Wen Ziyu was dirty, but she had to admit that she loved that woman.
She emphasized over and over again: You are dirty.
If you fall in love with someone, you will be desperate. Wen Ziyu eagerly wanted to get out of the abyss behind her, and confessed everything she knew to her, but she didn't know that the people in the abyss had already set their eyes on Gu Shuning.
In order to protect her lover, Wen Ziyu revealed all the secrets alone, setting off a huge "wave".
And a sharp knife rested on her neck.
Just when Gu Shuning finally crossed that hurdle and was about to accept her completely, the sharp knife that had been hanging for a long time fell down and took Wen Ziyu away without a sound.
"At that time, they were going to get married. They planned a small wedding for themselves. The wedding dress was ready. One week before the wedding, my second sister disappeared. Two days before the wedding, she came back in an state of embarrassment and gave Ms. Gu a ring. Let her wait for her, but she didn't expect that after waiting, she never came back..."
Wen Zilong's voice became lower and lower, and the circles of his eyes became redder.
"Do you know how my second sister died? She was chopped into pieces by those beasts with knives..." He didn't continue.
A ray of sunlight came in, and fine dust floated in the air.
Lu Zhiqiao sat blankly, took a light breath, and raised her hand to cover her mouth.
The photos on the altar flashed through her mind, with eyes that resembled Qi Yan, equally narrow and not thin, equally half full of autumn water, equally enchanting and cold. And she, the way she stepped back, was very much like Gu Shuning - she clearly cared, but hurt the other party with her words time and time again.
But they are different.
She had already walked towards Qi Yan slowly, but she was still one step away from being trapped, and at this moment, Qi Yan turned and left. She is lucky, she doesn't have to be separated from the other party, and she still has a chance to redeem her.
Qi Yan is also lucky, growing up surrounded by deep love and not being dragged down by her family.
Gu Shuning had no chance to save her, so she spent the rest of her life in remorse and nostalgia. She also loved deeply, otherwise fifteen years would be enough to forget someone.
In the end, she followed suit.
For fifteen years, Gu Shuning tried to get out. She sponsored many girls who couldn't afford to go to school, donated money to Wen Ziyu's hometown to build roads, took care of Wen Ziyu's younger brother, and took care of the company. She didn't forget the past while she was busy, but her heart disease became more and more serious. Then one day, she suddenly collapsed, and she was addicted to alcohol ever since.
She repented with her life, and from another perspective, she was able to stay with her lover in the end, and her soul returned to consummation.
Lu Zhiqiao covered her mouth, her eyelids drooped, and the more she thought about it, the more frightened she became, but what shocked her even more was that Wen Zilong, who had always been very friendly to women, was born in a "fudimo family*".
*literally translates to helping brother demon family, an Internet term, which means that usually due to the influence of the family, they will dedicate themselves to their younger brothers regardless of the cost.
The older sisters were all dead, and the older sister's girlfriend had to take care of him. In the end, he was the only one left alive, enjoying everything the older sisters had gained through their hard work.
Thinking about it this way, Lu Zhiqiao wished she could burn bridges with him on the spot, but based on her contact and understanding over the past few years, she felt that she couldn't be reckless, and there must be more complicated reasons behind it.
"Do you feel guilty?" she asked.
Wen Zilong nodded slightly.
In the past, he was favored without awareness, and later experienced loss, and he has no chance to make up. On the emotional level, Lu Zhiqiao encountered the same problems as him. For him, it was because of his family, for her it was because of love.
"So have you let go?" she continued.
Wen Zilong poured the wine, took a sip, and said in a low voice, "I have let go, but I will not forget. As long as I live, and I want to do something."
At that time, he was still studying, with a monthly living expenses of tens of thousands. He had the best food and clothing, and had a house and a car before entering society. Everything was given to him by his sister. He didn't know what his sister's job was, and had to ask many times but was kept off until he learned the truth in an unexpected situation. He was greatly hurt, but not ashamed of his sister's job, but ashamed of himself.
He, a grown man with hands and feet, unconsciously sucked the blood of his two sisters for nearly twenty years, thinking that the world was like this.
Soon after his sister died, his parents also passed away one after another, leaving him alone in the boring world. He thought about committing suicide and took action, but it didn't work. He and Gu Shuning shared the pain, helped each other, and walked over with support.
Now, Gu Shuning couldn't hold on any longer, so he continued to move forward.
Lu Zhiqiao stared at him silently, feeling a bit of bitterness in her heart.
This person is keen on doing charity and only helps girls. He usually speaks and behaves gently and politely. It is rare to see him with a temper, especially towards women. He is in a state of infinite tolerance but maintaining a polite distance. He even loathes his own gender.
Before knowing the truth, Lu Zhiqiao thought that he should be the perfect boyfriend in the eyes of a straight girl, but at this moment, she realized that this was just a consequence of trauma that turned into a disease.
He treats every woman he meets as a sister, understands them from the bottom of his heart, respects them, but never wants to develop an intimate relationship with them beyond the scope of friendship.
Human emotions are so complicated, but it is precisely because of complexity that we can create a splendid civilization and build a pluralistic society.
A steamed bun cloud drifted slowly over, blocking the sun. The sky outside the window was overcast for a short while, and after a while, the cloud slowly drifted away again, and the sun showed its face again, with the same light and heat.
Lu Zhiqiao narrowed her eyes slightly, took the wine bottle and filled her glass, and raised her glass with a smile: "It's a belated celebration."
Wen Zilong also smiled, raised his glass and touched her.
"I want to know...how were you able to let go." She took a sip of her wine and put down her glass.
Wen Zilong lowered his head, pondered for a moment and said, "Find the root of the crux of my heart, face it directly, and accept it."
"The root of my crux is the debt and guilt I owe to my sister. I told myself that this is inevitable and will accompany me for the rest of my life, so I accepted it. If she is still alive, she definitely does not want me to be depressed and self-castrated, so I live a good life, take care of my body, do more good deeds, and keep their property. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.”
Lu Zhiqiao's heart trembled slightly, and her slender eyelashes trembled. She seemed to be walking in a dark cave. She hadn't seen the sun for a long time, and could only feel her way forward. Now, a light suddenly appeared in front of her, vaguely.
Letting go doesn't mean forgetting?
"A person's character is closely related to the environment in which he grew up. If a person has been traumatized, he cannot love others until he is healed. I just let go now, but I haven't been completely healed yet. For me, this is dispensable, I don’t want to love others, I just want to live, take care, do good, and protect as I said just now.” After Wen Zilong finished speaking, he had a gentle smile in his eyes.
He can only be one person in this life.
Lu Zhiqiao faintly felt that she understood something, subconsciously tapped the phone with her fingertips, and watched the screen light up, and the man's bright smile was reflected in her eyes, warm and bright like the sunlight coming in from the window at this moment.
People love themselves first, and then love others.
Did she ever love herself?
Since she was very young, she has been used to concealing her true emotions and needs, because she knows that she will be scolded and criticized as ignorant if she speaks out. Over time, she consumes herself inwardly and loses her sense of security at the same time.
At first she wanted to do something to prove that she could do it, so she studied hard and her grades were always at the top, but it was useless, she would not be scolded, but she would not be taken seriously, as if she is supposed to be like this in the first place. Gradually she began to feel that she was not worthy of being loved.
Her circumstances prevented her from loving herself.
After a sudden accident, she became the only support for the little girl under one year old. While feeling guilty because of the accident, she was also terrified because she suddenly became important. She thinks that love is like what she has seen since she was a child, giving food and drink, and satisfying the conditions of material life.
She doesn't know how to love herself, and she doesn't know how to love her daughter, let alone other people.
Therefore, unable to balance family affection and love, unable to balance the weight of her daughter and Qi Yan in her heart, this is the root cause, but the root cause also has a crux, the root of the crux is her past and herself.
So that's what Qi Yan said.
"I'm quite similar to you..." Lu Zhiqiao sighed.
Thinking that Wen Zilong would be curious, he raised his eyebrows and said with a smile, "I've already known it."
"Mm?"
"It feels like you're suppressing yourself. In plain English, you have a story. And you take Niu Niu too seriously, and you have a strong desire to control."
Lu Zhiqiao stared at him dumbfounded, and didn't know how to refute for a while, because what this man said was spot on, and she couldn't refute it.
She frowned and said, "I can't help but take it seriously, that's my daughter, she—" She choked before she finished speaking, when she said the words 'her daughter', her heart felt inexplicably awkward, and then she thought of the sudden accident.
Is it because of love or guilt that she values her daughter?
Wen Zilong just laughed and didn't speak.
After dinner, Lu Zhiqiao took her daughter downstairs for a walk for the first time.
The temperature has been getting higher and higher recently, and the warm wind is blowing in the air. It is the season to wear skirts. At this time last year, Lu Zhiqiao was still worried about whether her daughter could quickly adapt to life in junior high school. In the blink of an eye, a year passed, and time passed quickly.
The richness of things experienced in this year almost caught up with the sum of her past ten years. Her heart was shaking every day, bit by bit shattering the cage she had built before, leaving scattered ruins and broken tiles.
Now she can only clean up the ruins by herself.
The night was dark, and the porcelain-white full moon hung in the sky, shedding a ray of silver light. The shadows of the mother and daughter were drawn long by the street lamps, and insects chirped from the lush green flowers and plants.
"Niu Niu which high school do you want to go to in the future?" Lu Zhiqiao turned her head to ask her daughter, avoiding the sports park, where there was a lot of noise.
Lu Wei was thinking about the cake made by Qi Yan, she suddenly came back to her senses, and paused: "It's still early, we'll talk about it later."
"It's not too early, the second year of junior high school will start in September."
In the second year of junior high school, she will start studying physics. Lu Zhiqiao was worried that her daughter's difficulty in learning mathematics would affect physics, which is also a science subject, and even chemistry, which she had to learn in the third year of junior high school. These two subjects are the main subjects in high school, and even liberal arts students have to take the exam, which is indispensable.
Lu Wei lowered her head and thought for a while, then said, "It's better to look at the results of the senior high school entrance examination, and go wherever I can pass the exam."
"Mom wants you to go to the high school of the attached middle school."
"That depends on my grades~"
"You set this as your goal first. The high school scores are very high. You have to work hard for these two years." Lu Zhiqiao patted her daughter's hand and spoke earnestly.
"Then in high school, you can study both literature and science, but the admission criteria for liberal arts are generally high, and it is not easy to get high scores on exams Oh, fortunately we are locals. There are many universities in Jiangcheng to choose from, so you can take exams in the city's schools instead of going too far, okay?"
"Choose your major at will, try not to choose one that is too unpopular, and when the time comes to work, you can come to mom's company for an internship..."
She rambled on a lot, and a blueprint for the future spread out in her mind.
It is her daughter's future.
Lu Wei pursed up her lips as she listened and couldn't help but interrupt, "Mom, you're thinking too far. I'm only in my first year of junior high, and can't I make up my own mind about things in the future? You're always like this, and I have to listen to you for everything."
Lu Zhiqiao frowned, and her first reaction was a little annoyed: "Mom loves you and cares about you, how can you talk like that?"
"Then how about you make plans for yourself, what do you want to do in the future?" The little girl was unconvinced, and she didn't dare to talk back, so she could only mutter aggrievedly.
The daughter's words are like a mint candy she eats when she is sleepy, awakening her sleeping nerves, and like lightning flashing across the sky on a rainy night, briefly illuminating her dark world.
Lu Zhiqiao stopped and froze.
Future?
She has never planned "the future" for herself. If she wants to talk about it, it is nothing more than work. And her rank has basically reached the end, and even if she goes up, she will just be a senior wage earner. With her risk-taking ability, it is absolutely impossible to give up everything to start a business, so the road to work can basically be seen to the end.
Seeing her stop thinking, Lu Wei winked, remembering the coaxing method Qi Yan taught her before, so she retreated and tried: "Mom~ You should also think about yourself, such as what you like to eat, what you want to play, where you want to go, what goal do you want to accomplish, right? You love me, you have to love yourself~"
The street lamp shone on the little girl's face, her delicate and fair face was bright, and her black eyes shone with anticipation.
It seemed to work!
Teacher Qi is right, my mother just eats the soft but not the hard. She learned it, lol~
Lu Zhiqiao looked at her daughter's face, and a thin layer of mist suddenly appeared in her eyes.
….
Going upstairs to go home, Lu Wei got into the room in a good mood, took out her ugly old brick phone, and sent a text message to Yan Shuyao:
[Sister Yao Yao, I will teach you how to coax your mother, it should be the same…]
Crackling typing.
After sending out, she put her phone aside and started to do her homework.
Lu Zhiqiao sat on the sofa folding clothes, her heart was in a mess, she didn't pay attention, a long-sleeved dress was folded sideways in her hand, she quickly unfolded it, and refolded it horizontally like an a person with obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Thinking of Qi Yan inadvertently, the movements of her hands froze suddenly, and the memories flooded fiercely.
She remembers that Qi Yan used to fold long-sleeved clothes horizontally, fold the two sleeves inward, then fold them up and down to make a rectangle, and then fold them left and right to make a square. But she used to like to fold it sideways, fold the clothes in half on both sides, fold the sleeves obliquely, and then fold them in half up and down.
In the past two months, Qi Yan helped her fold the clothes at home.
She took it out and looked at it a lot, unconsciously following the woman's method and folded it horizontally, and got used to it naturally.
On the day of parting, her brain's reaction seemed to be delayed, and she didn't feel too sad. But after seeing a certain place or something, all the memories suddenly flooded up, and her emotions collapsed.
Looking at the clothes in her hand, Lu Zhiqiao's eyes and nose turned a little sore. She took a deep breath, unfolded the clothes, and folded them sideways again.
The next day was fine.
At around four o'clock in the afternoon, Lu Zhiqiao left the company and drove to the Junior High School to pick up her daughter.
Before, when picking up her child, like many parents at the school gate, she only waited outside and never went in. Later, because of someone, this school had an indescribable attraction to her. She went in every time, to the teaching building, to the door of the class.
She did the same this time.
Diagonally opposite Class Two is the teacher's office. If she is lucky, she might be able to see Qi Yan if she stands in the corridor and take a glance.
The timing is just right, Lu Zhiqiao climbed up to the fourth floor, and the school bell rang, and the whole teaching building became lively in an instant. She saw a male teacher come out from the front door of Class 2. There was the sound of rubbing desks and chairs in the classroom, and then the back door was opened, and several boys ran out with their schoolbags on their backs.
Her hair is slightly permed, she is wearing a navy blue short-sleeved top, paired with light earth-colored high-waisted wide-leg pants, a pair of pointed-toe stiletto, and a handbag in her hand.She looks quite capable and feminine.
She stood there, obviously not a student.
Even less like a teacher.
The students looked at her curiously, and some of them recognized her, having seen her at the New Year's Day performance.
"Mom?" Lu Wei came out from the front door with her schoolbag on her back, saw her beautiful mother at a glance, and hurried over, "Why are you here?"
"Hello, Auntie."
Wang Zheyi followed behind.
Lu Zhiqiao's smile froze for a few seconds, she nodded at him, reached out and patted her daughter's shoulder: "Let's go home."
"Mm, okay." The little girl nodded, looked sideways, and said mercilessly to Wang Zheyi: "Go back by yourself, I will go with my mother."
"See you tomorrow then."
Wang Zheyi calmly turned and left.
"..."
Lu Zhiqiao looked at the boy's back, frowned slightly, her eyes drifted across the floor inadvertently, she reached out to wrap her arms around her daughter's shoulders, and subconsciously walked there.
"Mom, you can go down this way, don't go too far." Lu Wei looked at her inexplicably, and pointed to the stairs next to the classroom.
Lu Zhiqiao stared at the door of the teacher's office, and hummed perfunctorily, but her footsteps did not stop for a moment, instead they became faster and faster. As she got closer to the office, Lu Wei looked at her mother, then at the front, and suddenly understood everything.
Heh, she was looking for Teacher Qi!
During school hours, the floor here is very quiet, except for people coming and going in and out of the office. The teacher who finished class went in, and the teacher who got off work came out. Lu Zhiqiao suddenly slowed down, dawdled, and stared at the door.
She is not sure if Qi Yan is there, it all depends on luck to see her, if she isn't there, she won't go in to look.
Her heart was hanging on her throat, beating wildly.
Soon, when they were about to reach the door, Lu Zhiqiao became a little discouraged, and hugged her daughter's shoulders tightly. At this moment, a tall figure came out from inside, and the two met head-on.
Qi Yan was taken aback, and subconsciously asked, "Is there something wrong?"
"No."
Lu Zhiqiao pursed her lips and said in a very soft voice, "I wanted to see you."
this translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
The horizontal line was faint, like a barrier, completely blocking Lu Zhiqiao's prying sight. Her heart tightened, her mind went blank for two seconds, and she realized a serious matter.
Blocked?
She was a little flustered, double-clicked the upper left corner with her fingertips to exit, poked into the dialog box that had been marked "Yan Yan"and sent a "cute" emoji.
At that moment, her heart was hanging on her throat.
The expected red dot did not appear, and the message was sent safely. Lu Zhiqiao breathed a sigh of relief, her whole body collapsed, and she leaned back against the back of the chair.
Good thing, it's just restricted.
Wen Zilong, who was sitting opposite, raised her head, the redness in her eyes had subsided, he didn't notice Lu Zhiqiao's abnormality. He ate a few mouthfuls of food, drank the remaining wine in the glass, refilled it, and drank it all in one gulp.
"Drink less."
Lu Zhiqiao kept an eye on WeChat from the corner of her eye, but did not receive a reply. Feeling disappointed, she locked the screen and saw Wen Zilong pouring alcohol, and couldn't help reminding him.
Wen Zilong didn't speak, and drank several more glasses one after another. Lu Zhiqiao reached out to snatch the bottle, but he took it away first, put it aside, and raised his hands in surrender: "Okay, I won't drink."
He finally had a smile on his face.
"I thought about it for a while. Sister Minxi said that this matter may not be convenient, or I..."
"Don't mention sad things, and I don't want to gossip about your **." Lu Zhiqiao looked at him helplessly, and persuaded gently.
Although she was quite curious about the past of Gu Shuning and "sister", it was obviously a wound on Wen Zilong's heart, and she couldn't do such a thing as exposing a friend's scar to satisfy her own curiosity.
Wen Zilong shook his head, with guilt in his eyes: "I hid too much from you before, after all, we have known each other for several years…and I'm not saying anything." After finishing speaking, he added: "Don't worry, I'm fine."
".....good."
Lu Zhiqiao slightly raised the corners of her mouth and smiled.
Under the windows facing the street, there are bustling crowds, and there are many high-rise buildings outside, full of fast-paced atmosphere. At this moment, the private room is calm and quiet, with wine, food, and stories...
Wen Zilong was born in a poor mountain village, where the transportation is not developed, the information is blocked, and the people are very traditional.
There are three children in the family, he is the youngest, and he has two older sisters, the eldest sister Wen Ziyan and the second sister Wen Ziyu. Their parents are a typical patriarchal-thinking people, raising daughters just hoping that they can go out to work early to earn money, subsidize the family, support the younger brother to study, and then marry at a similar age, in exchange for a bride price for the younger brother to marry a wife.
As the younger brother was held highly in the hands of the whole family, Wen Zilong didn't realize that his older sisters were sacrifices. He had a good relationship with his two older sisters. The eggs saved by his parents for him, he secretly gave them to his sisters to eat. His parents asked his sister to work, and he clamored to help. His parents scold his sisters as money losers*, he didn't hesitate to scold back.
*original term used is pei qian huo, money-losing good; an old derogatory term for a girl, because the natal family has to prepare dowry when they get married, hence the name.
His two older sisters are also very kind to him.
The eldest sister dropped out of junior high school and went to work in a big city. Because she didn’t have a high diploma and no special skills, she could only go to the factory assembly line to do some simple and repetitive work. The monthly salary was several hundred yuan, including food and housing. Two-thirds of the money can be sent home by saving money for a month.
It was five years of hard work.
Five years later, the second sister Wen Ziyu graduated from junior high school and followed in the footsteps of her elder sister to the factory to do the same simple work. She is completely different from the honest elder sister. She is cheerful and outgoing, has a lot of clever ideas, and she has a lively mind. After two or three months of working in the factory, she felt that her salary was too little and she had to send most of it back home, which was not enough for her, so she had the idea to find another way out.
Although she doesn't have a high degree of education, she likes to read books, all kinds of messy books, and wants to learn new things from people in the city, but everything costs money. What to do? She found a job with quick pay: promoting and selling alcoholic beverages.
At first, she only promoted wine in KTV and small nightclubs, selling and laughing, because of her good looks, cheerful and sweet mouth, her performance has always been very good. She sends back a portion of the money earned, and the rest can only provide her with food and clothing, but not her needs for learning new things.Gradually, her appetite began to grow and she wanted to earn more money.
Later, she entered "Jiangnan Bay" - the largest nightclub at that time, and the people who frequented were high-ranking government officials and business leaders.
Wen Ziyu only sold wine at first, but later her parents kept asking them sisters for money. The elder sister’s salary was too small to pay, and her health was not in good condition. She was worried that her sister would be stressed, so she sent most of her savings back home. At the same time, her inner desire for money has become stronger.
In the end, she stepped into the abyss.
In a few years, she became a well-known courtesan in "Jiangnan Bay", and the people around her were all high-ranking and powerful people. She also learned a lot of important political secrets and some shady activities when she traveled among these people.
The world is darker than she imagined.
At the age of twenty-eight, she met Gu Shuning.
"My eldest sister died of illness when she was 20 years old. She was overworked. She knew what my second sister was doing at that time. She persuaded her many times, but the second sister refused to listen, because the family was a bottomless pit. She also wanted us to live a good life..." When Wen Zilong said this, there was a look of self-mockery in his eyes, he is a vampire who has a bottomless pit and unconsciously sucks the blood of his sisters.
"Afterwards, my second sister met Ms. Gu who started her own business in Jiangcheng at that time."
Gu Shuning's mother, Gu Lan, was once the top brand of "Jiangnan Bay". She only served a few officials. The forces behind her were intricate and complicated. There were many people who liked her, and many people wanted to get rid of her.
Very early on, Gu Lan had a fling with a certain foreign guest, and unexpectedly had Gu Shuning.
She has a beautiful mixed-race face.
Gu Shuning looked down on her mother since she was a child, and vowed to rely on her own ability to start a career, but at that time, she was young and didn't know much, so she relied on her mother's connections to gain a foothold in Jiangcheng and develop steadily.
At the beginning of the company's establishment, there were only five people, and Gu Shuning did most of the work by herself. Internally, she had to calculate accounts, train and make plans, and externally, she had to negotiate loans and go to the market. It was very hard.
But she persevered, and by the year she met Wen Ziyu, the company had already gained a small scale.
They met in "Jiangnan Bay".
"My second sister never knew that she liked women. She always wanted to save a lot of money and quit, and find a random man to marry. But after meeting Ms. Gu..."
Wen Ziyu fell in love with Gu Shuning.
However, Gu Shuning despised Wen Ziyu for being dirty.
The courtesan who shuttles in the mud can fascinate men and women as well. Wen Ziyu has a wealth of contacts and resources, and has helped Gu Shuning a lot. Since the two met, she rarely went to "Jiangnan Bay".
Gu Shuning doesn't know when she fell in love with Wen Ziyu, but she doesn't feel secure and doesn't believe anyone. At this time, the mother she looked down upon has passed away for many years, leaving her with a huge inheritance. She began to reinterpret her mother's life and tried to understand and accept Wen Ziyu.
It was difficult for her to get over the hurdle in her heart. She felt that Wen Ziyu was dirty, but she had to admit that she loved that woman.
She emphasized over and over again: You are dirty.
If you fall in love with someone, you will be desperate. Wen Ziyu eagerly wanted to get out of the abyss behind her, and confessed everything she knew to her, but she didn't know that the people in the abyss had already set their eyes on Gu Shuning.
In order to protect her lover, Wen Ziyu revealed all the secrets alone, setting off a huge "wave".
And a sharp knife rested on her neck.
Just when Gu Shuning finally crossed that hurdle and was about to accept her completely, the sharp knife that had been hanging for a long time fell down and took Wen Ziyu away without a sound.
"At that time, they were going to get married. They planned a small wedding for themselves. The wedding dress was ready. One week before the wedding, my second sister disappeared. Two days before the wedding, she came back in an state of embarrassment and gave Ms. Gu a ring. Let her wait for her, but she didn't expect that after waiting, she never came back..."
Wen Zilong's voice became lower and lower, and the circles of his eyes became redder.
"Do you know how my second sister died? She was chopped into pieces by those beasts with knives..." He didn't continue.
A ray of sunlight came in, and fine dust floated in the air.
Lu Zhiqiao sat blankly, took a light breath, and raised her hand to cover her mouth.
The photos on the altar flashed through her mind, with eyes that resembled Qi Yan, equally narrow and not thin, equally half full of autumn water, equally enchanting and cold. And she, the way she stepped back, was very much like Gu Shuning - she clearly cared, but hurt the other party with her words time and time again.
But they are different.
She had already walked towards Qi Yan slowly, but she was still one step away from being trapped, and at this moment, Qi Yan turned and left. She is lucky, she doesn't have to be separated from the other party, and she still has a chance to redeem her.
Qi Yan is also lucky, growing up surrounded by deep love and not being dragged down by her family.
Gu Shuning had no chance to save her, so she spent the rest of her life in remorse and nostalgia. She also loved deeply, otherwise fifteen years would be enough to forget someone.
In the end, she followed suit.
For fifteen years, Gu Shuning tried to get out. She sponsored many girls who couldn't afford to go to school, donated money to Wen Ziyu's hometown to build roads, took care of Wen Ziyu's younger brother, and took care of the company. She didn't forget the past while she was busy, but her heart disease became more and more serious. Then one day, she suddenly collapsed, and she was addicted to alcohol ever since.
She repented with her life, and from another perspective, she was able to stay with her lover in the end, and her soul returned to consummation.
Lu Zhiqiao covered her mouth, her eyelids drooped, and the more she thought about it, the more frightened she became, but what shocked her even more was that Wen Zilong, who had always been very friendly to women, was born in a "fudimo family*".
*literally translates to helping brother demon family, an Internet term, which means that usually due to the influence of the family, they will dedicate themselves to their younger brothers regardless of the cost.
The older sisters were all dead, and the older sister's girlfriend had to take care of him. In the end, he was the only one left alive, enjoying everything the older sisters had gained through their hard work.
Thinking about it this way, Lu Zhiqiao wished she could burn bridges with him on the spot, but based on her contact and understanding over the past few years, she felt that she couldn't be reckless, and there must be more complicated reasons behind it.
"Do you feel guilty?" she asked.
Wen Zilong nodded slightly.
In the past, he was favored without awareness, and later experienced loss, and he has no chance to make up. On the emotional level, Lu Zhiqiao encountered the same problems as him. For him, it was because of his family, for her it was because of love.
"So have you let go?" she continued.
Wen Zilong poured the wine, took a sip, and said in a low voice, "I have let go, but I will not forget. As long as I live, and I want to do something."
At that time, he was still studying, with a monthly living expenses of tens of thousands. He had the best food and clothing, and had a house and a car before entering society. Everything was given to him by his sister. He didn't know what his sister's job was, and had to ask many times but was kept off until he learned the truth in an unexpected situation. He was greatly hurt, but not ashamed of his sister's job, but ashamed of himself.
He, a grown man with hands and feet, unconsciously sucked the blood of his two sisters for nearly twenty years, thinking that the world was like this.
Soon after his sister died, his parents also passed away one after another, leaving him alone in the boring world. He thought about committing suicide and took action, but it didn't work. He and Gu Shuning shared the pain, helped each other, and walked over with support.
Now, Gu Shuning couldn't hold on any longer, so he continued to move forward.
Lu Zhiqiao stared at him silently, feeling a bit of bitterness in her heart.
This person is keen on doing charity and only helps girls. He usually speaks and behaves gently and politely. It is rare to see him with a temper, especially towards women. He is in a state of infinite tolerance but maintaining a polite distance. He even loathes his own gender.
Before knowing the truth, Lu Zhiqiao thought that he should be the perfect boyfriend in the eyes of a straight girl, but at this moment, she realized that this was just a consequence of trauma that turned into a disease.
He treats every woman he meets as a sister, understands them from the bottom of his heart, respects them, but never wants to develop an intimate relationship with them beyond the scope of friendship.
Human emotions are so complicated, but it is precisely because of complexity that we can create a splendid civilization and build a pluralistic society.
A steamed bun cloud drifted slowly over, blocking the sun. The sky outside the window was overcast for a short while, and after a while, the cloud slowly drifted away again, and the sun showed its face again, with the same light and heat.
Lu Zhiqiao narrowed her eyes slightly, took the wine bottle and filled her glass, and raised her glass with a smile: "It's a belated celebration."
Wen Zilong also smiled, raised his glass and touched her.
"I want to know...how were you able to let go." She took a sip of her wine and put down her glass.
Wen Zilong lowered his head, pondered for a moment and said, "Find the root of the crux of my heart, face it directly, and accept it."
"The root of my crux is the debt and guilt I owe to my sister. I told myself that this is inevitable and will accompany me for the rest of my life, so I accepted it. If she is still alive, she definitely does not want me to be depressed and self-castrated, so I live a good life, take care of my body, do more good deeds, and keep their property. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting.”
Lu Zhiqiao's heart trembled slightly, and her slender eyelashes trembled. She seemed to be walking in a dark cave. She hadn't seen the sun for a long time, and could only feel her way forward. Now, a light suddenly appeared in front of her, vaguely.
Letting go doesn't mean forgetting?
"A person's character is closely related to the environment in which he grew up. If a person has been traumatized, he cannot love others until he is healed. I just let go now, but I haven't been completely healed yet. For me, this is dispensable, I don’t want to love others, I just want to live, take care, do good, and protect as I said just now.” After Wen Zilong finished speaking, he had a gentle smile in his eyes.
He can only be one person in this life.
Lu Zhiqiao faintly felt that she understood something, subconsciously tapped the phone with her fingertips, and watched the screen light up, and the man's bright smile was reflected in her eyes, warm and bright like the sunlight coming in from the window at this moment.
People love themselves first, and then love others.
Did she ever love herself?
Since she was very young, she has been used to concealing her true emotions and needs, because she knows that she will be scolded and criticized as ignorant if she speaks out. Over time, she consumes herself inwardly and loses her sense of security at the same time.
At first she wanted to do something to prove that she could do it, so she studied hard and her grades were always at the top, but it was useless, she would not be scolded, but she would not be taken seriously, as if she is supposed to be like this in the first place. Gradually she began to feel that she was not worthy of being loved.
Her circumstances prevented her from loving herself.
After a sudden accident, she became the only support for the little girl under one year old. While feeling guilty because of the accident, she was also terrified because she suddenly became important. She thinks that love is like what she has seen since she was a child, giving food and drink, and satisfying the conditions of material life.
She doesn't know how to love herself, and she doesn't know how to love her daughter, let alone other people.
Therefore, unable to balance family affection and love, unable to balance the weight of her daughter and Qi Yan in her heart, this is the root cause, but the root cause also has a crux, the root of the crux is her past and herself.
So that's what Qi Yan said.
"I'm quite similar to you..." Lu Zhiqiao sighed.
Thinking that Wen Zilong would be curious, he raised his eyebrows and said with a smile, "I've already known it."
"Mm?"
"It feels like you're suppressing yourself. In plain English, you have a story. And you take Niu Niu too seriously, and you have a strong desire to control."
Lu Zhiqiao stared at him dumbfounded, and didn't know how to refute for a while, because what this man said was spot on, and she couldn't refute it.
She frowned and said, "I can't help but take it seriously, that's my daughter, she—" She choked before she finished speaking, when she said the words 'her daughter', her heart felt inexplicably awkward, and then she thought of the sudden accident.
Is it because of love or guilt that she values her daughter?
Wen Zilong just laughed and didn't speak.
After dinner, Lu Zhiqiao took her daughter downstairs for a walk for the first time.
The temperature has been getting higher and higher recently, and the warm wind is blowing in the air. It is the season to wear skirts. At this time last year, Lu Zhiqiao was still worried about whether her daughter could quickly adapt to life in junior high school. In the blink of an eye, a year passed, and time passed quickly.
The richness of things experienced in this year almost caught up with the sum of her past ten years. Her heart was shaking every day, bit by bit shattering the cage she had built before, leaving scattered ruins and broken tiles.
Now she can only clean up the ruins by herself.
The night was dark, and the porcelain-white full moon hung in the sky, shedding a ray of silver light. The shadows of the mother and daughter were drawn long by the street lamps, and insects chirped from the lush green flowers and plants.
"Niu Niu which high school do you want to go to in the future?" Lu Zhiqiao turned her head to ask her daughter, avoiding the sports park, where there was a lot of noise.
Lu Wei was thinking about the cake made by Qi Yan, she suddenly came back to her senses, and paused: "It's still early, we'll talk about it later."
"It's not too early, the second year of junior high school will start in September."
In the second year of junior high school, she will start studying physics. Lu Zhiqiao was worried that her daughter's difficulty in learning mathematics would affect physics, which is also a science subject, and even chemistry, which she had to learn in the third year of junior high school. These two subjects are the main subjects in high school, and even liberal arts students have to take the exam, which is indispensable.
Lu Wei lowered her head and thought for a while, then said, "It's better to look at the results of the senior high school entrance examination, and go wherever I can pass the exam."
"Mom wants you to go to the high school of the attached middle school."
"That depends on my grades~"
"You set this as your goal first. The high school scores are very high. You have to work hard for these two years." Lu Zhiqiao patted her daughter's hand and spoke earnestly.
"Then in high school, you can study both literature and science, but the admission criteria for liberal arts are generally high, and it is not easy to get high scores on exams Oh, fortunately we are locals. There are many universities in Jiangcheng to choose from, so you can take exams in the city's schools instead of going too far, okay?"
"Choose your major at will, try not to choose one that is too unpopular, and when the time comes to work, you can come to mom's company for an internship..."
She rambled on a lot, and a blueprint for the future spread out in her mind.
It is her daughter's future.
Lu Wei pursed up her lips as she listened and couldn't help but interrupt, "Mom, you're thinking too far. I'm only in my first year of junior high, and can't I make up my own mind about things in the future? You're always like this, and I have to listen to you for everything."
Lu Zhiqiao frowned, and her first reaction was a little annoyed: "Mom loves you and cares about you, how can you talk like that?"
"Then how about you make plans for yourself, what do you want to do in the future?" The little girl was unconvinced, and she didn't dare to talk back, so she could only mutter aggrievedly.
The daughter's words are like a mint candy she eats when she is sleepy, awakening her sleeping nerves, and like lightning flashing across the sky on a rainy night, briefly illuminating her dark world.
Lu Zhiqiao stopped and froze.
Future?
She has never planned "the future" for herself. If she wants to talk about it, it is nothing more than work. And her rank has basically reached the end, and even if she goes up, she will just be a senior wage earner. With her risk-taking ability, it is absolutely impossible to give up everything to start a business, so the road to work can basically be seen to the end.
Seeing her stop thinking, Lu Wei winked, remembering the coaxing method Qi Yan taught her before, so she retreated and tried: "Mom~ You should also think about yourself, such as what you like to eat, what you want to play, where you want to go, what goal do you want to accomplish, right? You love me, you have to love yourself~"
The street lamp shone on the little girl's face, her delicate and fair face was bright, and her black eyes shone with anticipation.
It seemed to work!
Teacher Qi is right, my mother just eats the soft but not the hard. She learned it, lol~
Lu Zhiqiao looked at her daughter's face, and a thin layer of mist suddenly appeared in her eyes.
….
Going upstairs to go home, Lu Wei got into the room in a good mood, took out her ugly old brick phone, and sent a text message to Yan Shuyao:
[Sister Yao Yao, I will teach you how to coax your mother, it should be the same…]
Crackling typing.
After sending out, she put her phone aside and started to do her homework.
Lu Zhiqiao sat on the sofa folding clothes, her heart was in a mess, she didn't pay attention, a long-sleeved dress was folded sideways in her hand, she quickly unfolded it, and refolded it horizontally like an a person with obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Thinking of Qi Yan inadvertently, the movements of her hands froze suddenly, and the memories flooded fiercely.
She remembers that Qi Yan used to fold long-sleeved clothes horizontally, fold the two sleeves inward, then fold them up and down to make a rectangle, and then fold them left and right to make a square. But she used to like to fold it sideways, fold the clothes in half on both sides, fold the sleeves obliquely, and then fold them in half up and down.
In the past two months, Qi Yan helped her fold the clothes at home.
She took it out and looked at it a lot, unconsciously following the woman's method and folded it horizontally, and got used to it naturally.
On the day of parting, her brain's reaction seemed to be delayed, and she didn't feel too sad. But after seeing a certain place or something, all the memories suddenly flooded up, and her emotions collapsed.
Looking at the clothes in her hand, Lu Zhiqiao's eyes and nose turned a little sore. She took a deep breath, unfolded the clothes, and folded them sideways again.
The next day was fine.
At around four o'clock in the afternoon, Lu Zhiqiao left the company and drove to the Junior High School to pick up her daughter.
Before, when picking up her child, like many parents at the school gate, she only waited outside and never went in. Later, because of someone, this school had an indescribable attraction to her. She went in every time, to the teaching building, to the door of the class.
She did the same this time.
Diagonally opposite Class Two is the teacher's office. If she is lucky, she might be able to see Qi Yan if she stands in the corridor and take a glance.
The timing is just right, Lu Zhiqiao climbed up to the fourth floor, and the school bell rang, and the whole teaching building became lively in an instant. She saw a male teacher come out from the front door of Class 2. There was the sound of rubbing desks and chairs in the classroom, and then the back door was opened, and several boys ran out with their schoolbags on their backs.
Her hair is slightly permed, she is wearing a navy blue short-sleeved top, paired with light earth-colored high-waisted wide-leg pants, a pair of pointed-toe stiletto, and a handbag in her hand.She looks quite capable and feminine.
She stood there, obviously not a student.
Even less like a teacher.
The students looked at her curiously, and some of them recognized her, having seen her at the New Year's Day performance.
"Mom?" Lu Wei came out from the front door with her schoolbag on her back, saw her beautiful mother at a glance, and hurried over, "Why are you here?"
"Hello, Auntie."
Wang Zheyi followed behind.
Lu Zhiqiao's smile froze for a few seconds, she nodded at him, reached out and patted her daughter's shoulder: "Let's go home."
"Mm, okay." The little girl nodded, looked sideways, and said mercilessly to Wang Zheyi: "Go back by yourself, I will go with my mother."
"See you tomorrow then."
Wang Zheyi calmly turned and left.
"..."
Lu Zhiqiao looked at the boy's back, frowned slightly, her eyes drifted across the floor inadvertently, she reached out to wrap her arms around her daughter's shoulders, and subconsciously walked there.
"Mom, you can go down this way, don't go too far." Lu Wei looked at her inexplicably, and pointed to the stairs next to the classroom.
Lu Zhiqiao stared at the door of the teacher's office, and hummed perfunctorily, but her footsteps did not stop for a moment, instead they became faster and faster. As she got closer to the office, Lu Wei looked at her mother, then at the front, and suddenly understood everything.
Heh, she was looking for Teacher Qi!
During school hours, the floor here is very quiet, except for people coming and going in and out of the office. The teacher who finished class went in, and the teacher who got off work came out. Lu Zhiqiao suddenly slowed down, dawdled, and stared at the door.
She is not sure if Qi Yan is there, it all depends on luck to see her, if she isn't there, she won't go in to look.
Her heart was hanging on her throat, beating wildly.
Soon, when they were about to reach the door, Lu Zhiqiao became a little discouraged, and hugged her daughter's shoulders tightly. At this moment, a tall figure came out from inside, and the two met head-on.
Qi Yan was taken aback, and subconsciously asked, "Is there something wrong?"
"No."
Lu Zhiqiao pursed her lips and said in a very soft voice, "I wanted to see you."
