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Published at 9th of May 2023 06:18:24 AM


Chapter 76

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Her voice was as light as a feather, and it slowly fell on Qi Yan's heart, a crack appeared in her indifferent face, and there was warmth in her cold eyes, and her heart was as sad as if she had been soaked in lemonade.

Qi Yan's lips twitched slightly, as if she had something to say. At this time, a teacher was approaching to come out, so she stepped aside to make way, and she suddenly came to her senses. She glanced at Lu Zhiqiao, then at Niu Niu, walked to the corner of the stairs, and turned around.

Lu Zhiqiao hurriedly followed.

"You've seen me, I'm fine." Qi Yan said, her eyes fell on Lu Wei, and she smiled lightly.

That smile was very shallow, but it was precious to Lu Zhiqiao. Even if she smiled at her daughter, she was happy, and felt that the relationship between the two would get better soon. She whispered, "What happened last time..."

"I have to get off work, you should go back early." Qi Yan interrupted quickly, although she was speaking to Lu Zhiqiao, her eyes were always on Lu Wei.

With her hair cut short, she looks less seductive and more capable, like the kind of cool woman who walks with wind, her face is still the same, but it is stranger than before. Also, the necklace around her neck was gone.

After she finished speaking, she patted Niu Niu's head and walked straight to the office.

"Qi—"

Just as Lu Zhiqiao was about to call her to stop, a teacher came out of the office, walked up the stairs, and passed in front of her. She swallowed the rest of the words back in her throat.

The woman didn't seem to hear, and without looking back, she entered the office.

Lu Zhiqiao froze in place.

The clear sky, the slanting sunset rays, the noisy campus, the endless corridors, and the bright tiles. All things, static and moving, all witness to her bitterness at this moment. As long as she sees these again in the future, she will definitely think of her distressed appearance today.

Oh, and the daughter behind her.

Lu Wei looked at her mother quietly, trying to think of the scenes in novels and TV dramas, but couldn't put them in. She is not yet in love, she still can't understand it, but she just feels that real life and the virtual world are not completely connected.

She thought that her mother and Teacher Qi were just having temper tantrums, and it would be fine in a few days. The routines in the novel were all like this, but after witnessing it with her own eyes, she found that it seemed not that simple.

She doesn't get it.

"Baby..." Lu Zhiqiao turned around in a low voice, seeing her daughter staring at her in a daze, she smiled weakly and said, "Let's go."

Lu Wei nodded and took her arm actively.

At night, the eggshell lamp emits a dim yellow light and is silent, like a knight silently guarding the darkness.

Lu Zhiqiao sat on the bed, holding a framed family photo and looking at it carefully. In the photo, there are six people, three generations living together. She slowly brushed everyone's face with her thumb, paused, a wave rolled up in her calm eyes, and sighed.

Then there is a solo photo of a man, and a photo of a couple.

She kept these photos at the bottom of the box for more than ten years. If she can't see them, she can pretend they don't exist, so sometimes she even really forgets that she has family members. But memory cannot be erased no matter what, as long as she is still alive, the past will be with her for the rest of her life.

She has escaped for so many years, and her crime has not been alleviated a single bit. On the contrary, she has made herself into a mess, and even hurt her daughter unintentionally.

This is not her original intention.

Staring at the photo, Lu Zhiqiao frowned slightly when she saw her parents' faces, her mind full of bad memories. Moving her eyes to the side, she saw her brother's face, his eyebrows and eyes were very similar to hers, she immediately smiled, thinking of some very warm and happy things.

Moving her gaze again, she saw her gentle and beautiful sister-in-law holding a baby under one year old in her arms and her  heart ached.

If that disaster hadn't happened, this would be a happy family of three.

[Face it and accept it calmly]

Thinking of Wen Zilong's words, Lu Zhiqiao took a light breath and looked at the eggshell lamp in a blink of an eye.

The dim yellow light reflects the small words at the bottom: Where you are, I will be. Mist appeared in her eyes, and she curled her lips into a smile, as if Qi Yan was by her side at the moment, giving her confidence...

Lu Zhiqiao was born in a dual-career family. Her parents were both "respectable people" at that time. They had a considerable income, and the company paid them well. They also gave them a house. There are two children in the family, her and a brother who is six years older.

Her birth was an accident. At that time, it caught up with "family planning"*, and the government encouraged each couple to have only one child. It is said to be encouraging, but in fact it also has the meaning of coercion in disguise. Like, after the mother accidentally became pregnant with her, she was reluctant to have an abortion, so she lost her good job and hid in Tibet.

*China's One-child policy that started in 1980, the policy was enforced at the provincial level through contraception, abortion, and fines that were imposed based on the income of the family and other factors, violators could also lose their jobs, titles, a portion of health benefits among others. Those who decide to push through pregnancy go overseas to escape the fines. This policy later became a two-child policy in 2016, then abolished in 2021 allowing citizens to have as many children as they want, this is because they are now facing a demographic crisis; they have too many men, too many old people, and too few young people. 

Fortunately, the family has some connections, so both parents weren't laid off. At first, they can barely live on the salary of the father alone.

Her mother is a very strong woman, but her way of thinking is very traditional, and directly expressed contradictions. She thinks that women should both work and take care of the family, and take pride in it. So later she made some connections and looked for another job. Although the salary was not as good as her original company in all aspects, the additional income significantly improved their family's life.

In comparison, her father has an honest personality. At best, he is kind and honest, but at worst, he is cowardly and unassertive. When she was young, her mother would lose her temper at home and beat and scold her and her brother. If their father was there, he would either hide in the room and stay silent, or simply run out to avoid it.

Because she is a girl, her mother is extremely strict with her. Her hair should not be longer than the shoulders, skirts should not be shorter than the knees, physical contact with boys is not allowed at school, and she are not allowed to go out after eight o'clock in the evening.

On the contrary, her brother is very free. He can go shirtless and wear shorts at will, go out with his classmates, not come home all night, go as crazy as he wants.

When she was young, she thought everyone was the same, but as she got older, she realized that it was only her when she saw other people's daughters.

Her mother always instilled in her some notions of shame. When she started to develop, she told her to hunchback so that her chest would not show. When she had her first period, she told her that menstruation was dirty and she had to be careful to hide it, and told her that if she had too many contacts with boys, she would not be able to marry.

From childhood to adulthood, no matter how well she did, no matter how outstanding she was, she never received a word of praise and recognition. If she did well, it was as it should, and if she didn't do well, she  would be scolded.

The words that her mother often talks about are nothing more than "I am your mother, you have to listen to me", "I have worked so hard to give birth to you and raise you, what else do you want to do", like layers of heavy shackles on her unformed soul.

It is said that they were patriarchal, but it is not like that. Her mother beats her brother hard, but her brother has a rough temper, and the more she beats, the more he gets rougher. He can do whatever he wants the next day, and he doesn't follow their mother's way at all.

Her brother has always been very kind to her, protecting her when he was at home, and thinking about her when he went out to have delicious food and fun. Unfortunately, after going to college at the age of eighteen, she was the only child left in the family, and no one would take care of her anymore to block the unwarranted anger of their neurotic mother.

On the day she was beaten because of the quilt, she cried and called her brother who was thousands of miles away. She was just talking to her brother, but she didn't expect her brother to come back the next night and have a big fight with her mother.

At that time, she was very eager to go to college.

It was like this for six years, she was depressed and shrinking, and finally survived when she graduated from high school. Originally, she wanted to go to a foreign school, but under her mother's strong intervention, she had no choice but to apply to the local Jiang University.

Although she is in the local area, it is still some distance away from home. She lived on campus, so she has a reason not to go back.

On the university campus, she met many friends from all over the country and was exposed to a lot of new things. A door to a new world was opened, and her whole person began to change.

In her freshman year, she had a crush on a girl she met during military training. She was scolded for being "disgusting" when she confessed to a girl she liked in high school. So she hesitated and procrastinated until that someone found a girlfriend, she didn't dare to confess. In the end, she was depressed for a whole year. In her sophomore year, she decided to perk up and transform herself, preparing for the future to break free from her mother's constraints.

But a sudden accident destroyed all her dreams.

In 2005, her elder brother got married, and her sister-in-law was his classmate, two years younger, and grew up in a single-parent family.  Not long after the marriage, the sister-in-law got pregnant, and the whole family looked forward to the arrival of the baby.

On May 7, 2006, her little niece was born. She was named "Wei", which means lush vegetation, implying tenacious vitality and thriving growth. Her nickname is Niu Niu.

During the Spring Festival of 2007, the whole family went back to the countryside to spend the New Year with grandma.

Grandpa died of illness early in life, and grandma refused to move to the city, so she lived alone in an old house in the country, growing some vegetables, raising chickens and ducks, and lived a comfortable life.  During the holidays, the whole family will come to visit, and they will stay for about seven days during the Spring Festival every year.

The New Year in the countryside is very lively, and there are fewer restrictions. It is much more free than in the city.

On the night of New Year's Eve, Lu Zhiqiao set off fireworks with the children in the village and played until very late. Her parents and grandma had already gone to bed, and the children of each family had gone back. She felt unhappy and played in the backyard by herself.

She can't do the big ones, so she can only play with the small ones. The sparks were shining brightly, and looked very beautiful. After playing, she went upstairs to sleep.

She still remembered that when she passed the main room, she smelled something burnt. It was very faint. She thought it was the smell of fireworks on her body, so she didn't care.

That night was quiet, with occasional barking of dogs.

Later, she was awakened by a knock on the door. When she opened her eyes, she smelled smoke. She thought she was dreaming of setting off fireworks. She didn't wake up until she saw her brother anxiously saying that the house was on fire.

Most of the old house is made of wood and has three floors. Grandma, who has a handicap, stays on the first floor, her parents, in one room on the second floor, her brother, sister-in-law and niece live in another room on the second floor, and she stays alone on the third floor. Her elder brother thought that she lived on the highest floor, so he told her to run first, and then went to call her parents and grandma by himself.

She also panicked. Standing on the stairs, she felt the heat rushing towards her, and she didn't even think about running outside.

At that time, her sister-in-law and Niu Niu had already run outside. When they saw her come out, they were worried that her husband would not be able to call the three of them alone, not to mention that grandma's legs and feet were inconvenient and difficult to walk, so she asked her to take care of Niu Niu before rushing in again.

The flames shot up to the sky in front of her eyes, and the billowing black smoke obscured the moonlight.

Lu Zhiqiao watched helplessly as her sister-in-law rushed in, the beam of the gate collapsed, the fire pillar fell down, and then the entire load-bearing beam collapsed, and the first floor instantly turned into a sea of ​​flames.

She panicked and carried Niu Niu to call for help, but in the middle of the night, everyone was asleep, and it was difficult to wake people up for a while, and the old house was a little far away from other doors. When the fire alarm sounded, the old house was already completely surrounded by fire.

Niu Niu, who was only nine months old, can't walk yet. She doesn't understand what happened, but the baby instinctively felt scared and kept crying.

Lu Zhiqiao put her in the nearest house, and rushed back to fight the fire with the others.  At that time, there were no fire-fighting measures in the village, and they relied on pumping wells to connect leather pipes, a long one, and manually pressurized water.

However, the fire was too strong and the wind was blowing. The wooden structure of the house burned very quickly. After a while, the floors gradually collapsed.

The blazing flames were like a ferocious beast, devouring the entire old house...

When the firefighters arrived, the old house had already collapsed, and the burnt black wooden pillars were piled up. From a distance, it looked like a golden flaming mountain, dyeing the sky as bright as day.

Lu Zhiqiao didn't respond at the time, her mind was blank.

Afterwards, the fire was extinguished, and the five bodies were carried out one by one. She vomited on the spot, collapsed, and knelt on the ground and cried her heart out.

That was the beginning of her nightmare.

….

Lu Zhiqiao caressed the photo frame, the mist in her eyes glistened, her thumb rested on her brother's face, and a tear slid down.

The cause of the fire was unknown. She always believed that she accidentally lit the haystacks in the backyard when setting off the fireworks, and she didn't find out in time, which led to the fire.

After the incident happened her sister-in-law's father found out, couldn't bear the shock for a while, and died of a sudden myocardial infarction–he raised his child alone, and it can be said that he regarded the woman as his own life, and his health was not very good.

There were seven people in the old house, only Lu Zhiqiao and Niu Niu survived.

Her father is an only child, with no distant or close relatives. On her mother's side, her grandfather was persecuted to death in the "cultural revolution", and there was no news of her grandmother's remarriage. She has an uncle, but he and her mother had a falling out because of  division of property. Since then, there has been no contact, and she didn't know where to go.

After searching all relatives within three generations, there is no one who can let the aunt and nephew take refuge.

At that time, Lu Zhiqiao was in her third year of junior high school, and she lost everything overnight, and a heavy burden suddenly fell on her shoulders. She was confused, anxious, fearful, and even depressed, and almost dropped out of school. Later, with the help of a psychiatrist, she gradually accepted the reality and was ready to spend the rest of her life with her little niece.

In this way, she passively became the mother of the child.

Her parents' colleagues and friends helped them a lot, and they inherited some inheritance, so life was not difficult at first. It's just that the money will be spent one day, it's not much, and it can't stand up to a few years of tossing, out of guilt, she has no other thoughts in her mind, she just wants to work hard to make money so that Niu Niu can live well.

This is the root of her crux.

These years, Lu Zhiqiao seldom recalled what happened back then, and avoided it, not daring to look directly at it. She tried her best to make up for Niu Niu materially, and regarded her child as more important than herself, because she was a sinner, and she only lived for Niu Niu in her life.

But now that she thinks about it, if her brother knew from heaven, he would definitely not want to see her live like this.

Just like what Wen Zilong said.

[If she is still alive, she definitely does not want me to be depressed and castrate myself]

[So I live a good life, take care of my health, do more good deeds, and keep their property]

[Letting go, doesn't mean forgetting]

The old things have bound her for too long, making her lose the ability to love herself and others. She was immersed in it, and inadvertently hurt the people around her, her daughter before, but now Qi Yan.

But what's the fault of people around her?

Lu Zhiqiao glanced sideways at the eggshell lamp, the small characters were extremely clear, and gave her a steady stream of confidence and strength. She raised her lips and smiled, wiped away her tears, put the photo frame back, got up and turned on the computer.

The document that was too late to send last time was quietly lying in the folder.

She rearranged it, wrote it in more detail, attached what she wanted to say, renamed it "Time", and sent it to Qi Yan's WeChat. Regardless of whether Qi Yan read it or not, or how she will react after seeing it, she didn't think it was important anymore, so she took advantage of this incident, this opportunity, to let her thoroughly examine herself.

Later, Lu Zhiqiao changed her WeChat nickname to "Yusheng"* and Qi Yan's note to "Liangren"**.

*Yusheng: 1. For the rest of her/his life 2. Survival after a disaster

**Liangren: Beloved/Lover

One Lu Yusheng, one Qi Liangren.

May she find her beloved for the rest of her life.

….

It rained on the weekend and it was stuffy outside.

Qi Yan went to visit Chi Nian with gifts and bags of mother and baby products. It's been a long time since we saw each other. Chi Nian has become much rounder, her belly has become more prominent, and she exudes a maternal gentleness.

She is at home alone, her husband works overtime, and her mother-in-law is in poor health all year round and needs to take medicine, so she can't take care of her, so she cooks her usual lunch by herself.

Qi Yan originally came over in high spirits, but after hearing what she said, she became a little unhappy and turned cold.

"Oh, my husband do the house chores after work, and he also buys good food in the morning, so I cook some simple food for myself, and I am planning to hire a nanny, it's okay~" Chi Nian coaxed her softly, not knowing whether it is because she is pregnant or that she stayed at home for a long time, she became more and more like a little girl.

Qi Yan raised her brows: "He has a conscience."

As she said that, she washed and cut the fruits, placed them on a plate, and put them on the coffee table. The two sat down to chat while eating.

"By the way, let me tell you something."

"Mm?"

Chi Nian peeled a grape to feed himself, her round cheeks bulged, "My mother has a colleague's daughter who is also pregnant, but she has low progesterone and needs injections to prevent miscarriage. It is troublesome to ask for leave every day, so she resigned."

Qi Yan was keenly aware of what she wanted to say.

"Besides, she is a clerical worker. She works from nine to five on weekends. It's very easy, but she still can't stand it. There's no way..."

"After all, children are important." Qi Yan smiled, and also peeled grapes to eat, pretending not to notice.

Chi Nian frowned, and suddenly sighed: "I think I seem to have wrongly blamed Director Lu." After speaking, she seemed to be talking to herself: "The daughter of my mother's colleague, is a bit like me, but my position is more tiring. I thought she had to resign from such a leisurely job, then I—”

Suddenly mentioning Lu Zhiqiao, Qi Yan was taken aback, feeling as if she had forgotten something, but right now her attention was on Chi Nian and she didn't think about it.

When she was just about to speak, Chi Nian turned to look at her: "Has Director Lu been in contact with you recently?"

"No..." Qi Yan was startled, and said vaguely: "I've been staying at my parents' house recently, and she's also quite busy, so we usually just meet and say hello."

Chi Nian pursed her lips slightly, and nodded to herself.

"It's a bit hot, I'm going to change clothes." She said and got up.

Qi Yan quickly put down the grapes, wiped her hands with a tissue, and supported her: "Don't get up so rashly, really." After speaking, she carefully helped her back to the bedroom.

Chi Nian smiled helplessly, opened the closet, took out a loose, thin short-sleeved piece, and took off her shirt without saying a word. She subconsciously thought that they were all women anyway, so she didn't shy away from it, but when she realized Qi Yan's orientation, her shirt had already been taken off.

"..."

Qi Yan held back her laughter, turned her gaze away in embarrassment, caught a glimpse of dark red marks crawling on her stomach out of the corner of her eye, and froze, then turned back, "Are these stretch marks?"

"Yeah, it's ugly, and I won't be able to get rid of it for the rest of my life." Chi Nian smiled wryly, and couldn't bear to look down at her stomach.

"Even after giving birth?"

"Generally, there are also some that are not long."

Qi Yan stared at the dense and loose dark red traces, and suddenly thought of Lu Zhiqiao, memories flooded in like a tide, and her thoughts suddenly returned to the night when they first met in the bar.

She remembers...

Lu Zhiqiao's belly was smooth and flat, without any marks.

Author's Note:

Qi Liangren: Alright, I know the mother is “fake” [funny.jpg]

Don't worry, the reconciliation will not be so fast, there is always a process to fatten up, and thank you for following up this series, this chapter randomly sends out 50 red envelopes~




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