The short planning presentation ended in the most efficient form. Time was given for short questions and answers, and in the process the tension that continued throughout the presentation was somewhat relieved, leading to a comfortable conversation about the photo exhibition. Ha Joyoon wanted to leave his seat that very moment but he controlled his thoughts, not wanting to do anything that would attract attention. Seo Youngwoo’s glaring eyes in the middle of the conversation and his lips that looked like they wanted to say something. Ha Joyoon wanted to run away from it all.
[You don’t look good, Yoon.]
At the sound of the worried voice, he opened his eyes. It was Ed. Ha Joyoon gave a small smile and tapped his ballpen on a blank paper.
[I’m just a bit tired. I’m not one to match the atmosphere anyways.]
[I heard you were badly injured. Phillip was very worried.]
[Seems like a lot of talk went around then.]
[It’s a relief that you’re back again.]
He didn’t try to hide the bitterness in his smile. He used to think it was a relief that he was alive. He even thanked god. He prayed and thanked god for letting him see Kang Taejung again. But reality wasn’t as beautiful as he thought. Cold, objective. He didn’t realize that the place he was missing was just a fantasy.
He was filled with thoughts that he couldn’t bring himself to speak. Ha Joyoon tried to ignore his unstable mind, drawing new lines on the paper already full of graffiti.
Strained breath swept down his tight throat and as he glanced around, he was met with a gaze that was looking at him not so far away.
“…”
“…”
He remembered the first moment he was faced with Seo Youngwoo. It also brought back the terrible memory of his despair when he was unable to look at Kang Taejung’s face but his toes instead as the two of them held hands. Was human memory always this harsh?
Unable to hide his pain, Ha Joyoon faced Seo Youngwoo, who was staring at him. The person that loves Kang Taejung. The person who Taejung loves. The one who stood by Kang Taejung. The person Kang Taejung said he wanted to be faithful to. Formless hatred and resentment rose like hot smoke. However, the seeds of the flame couldn’t be ignited but instead, disappeared, leaving only ashes. This was because in any case, he couldn’t say he wasn’t responsible for it as well.
It wasn’t just because of one person. It was the result of all their emotions, reality, and situations. That’s what he understood in his head, but his heart didn’t fully understand it. He envied and hated Seo Youngwoo’s eyes, which looked straight at him, seeming to have taken away all of Kang Taejung’s heart. Since all that was left of Ha Joyoon in Kang Taejung’s heart seemed to be meaningless sympathy, pity, and regret, Ha Joyoon couldn’t fully resent him.
Seo Youngwoo’s gaze was extremely refined, while Ha Joyoon couldn’t even think of hiding his badly taut expression.
“Hello Reporter Ha and Reporter McKellen.”
The man who popped out between Ed and Ha Joyoon stretched out a hand. He unknowingly frowned in the process of tracing his name from memory. Min Kyungsoo. That was probably his name.
“Hello.”
The man dragged an empty chair close and sat on it, smiling an easygoing smile as he gave his business card. His company name, position, and name were printed based on a concise design.
“The direction of the exhibition has changed a bit today, so the sketch interview will be pushed to next time. It might be hard to meet other people again, so let’s get an interview first, and since Reporter Ha is still in Korea, is it okay if we make a separate schedule and visit?”
It was something he had heard so many times. Ha Joyoon looked directly at the man with an uninterested gaze. Unsure of how to interpret his silence, Min Kyungsoo began to talk about his thoughts and values about covering civil war zones. The man began to talk about the press photos and reporters that had left an impression on him, with a sense of seriousness in his eyes.
Even though he didn’t reply for a long time, the conversation continued smoothly due to Min Kyungsoo’s liveliness. It was good that he didn’t have to worry about anything but even a short answer became worrisome to speak and he couldn’t grasp more than half of the other person’s words. He just wanted to rest. With a slowly burning headache, the moment he pressed a hand to his forehead was when he heard the question.
“I heard you had an incident?”
It was a long distance away, but the distinct voice rang in his ears. His fair fingers, which stretched out beautifully, paused for a moment, and his tired eyes slowly moved. The pitch-dark eyes, which were far away from him, moved along with his.
“I also heard you were very injured…”
Seo Youngwoo stopped organizing the materials and carefully continued, leaving the end of his sentence vague. At the words, Min Kyungsoo who was sitting next to him, seemed shocked and looked back at Ha Joyoon.
“Um, Reporter Ha…”
“I was a little injured at an air raid scene.”
“Oh dear. Sorry for being so clueless…”
“That’s fine. It’s nothing to worry about.”
Even though Ha Joyoon tried to soothe him in a tone without an accent, Min Kyungsoo’s tense expression could not be fixed. Sighs filled with grief erupted here and there. Sitting in an uncomfortable seat of interest was like sitting on a thorn cushion.
He didn’t want anyone to pity him. It was just one of the consequences of acting towards his beliefs. He didn’t want to sell his time to be someone’s talk of the day. As people continued to ask questions, Ha Joyoon’s expression began to gradually harden like lead as he answered them.
“Are you okay now?”
Ha Joyoon slightly tilted his head at Seo Youngwoo’s question. The other was still looking directly at him. It was difficult to figure out what his eyes were thinking, and his question was also hard to decipher.
Suddenly, he remembered Seo Youngwoo sitting next to Kang Taejung and looking at him with anxious eyes throughout their conversation. And despite the anxiety, there was a sense of superiority that he was there with Kang Taejung. No matter how unfamiliar he was with human relationships, Ha Joyoon could tell that he and Seo Youngwoo were in no relationship to ask about each other’s well being, even if in passing.
“I’m fine.”
He threw out his emotions and turned his eyes away. His cheek, stung as if it had been scratched with sandpaper under Seo Youngwoo’s stare. The white corners of the paper which were almost used up, were filled again with pen scribbles.
Ha Joyoon who was indifferently drawing a line, checked the time, looking at the wall where a clock was hung. He’d endured more than enough for one hour. The interview had been postponed and him simply being a reporter, did not have to show any interest in their plans for the exhibition. He heard the voice after he briefly greeted McKellen and Min Kyungsoo and stood up halfway.
“It must’ve been difficult.”
“…”
“You don’t look so good now, don’t you need to rest?”
Ha Joyoon paused and looked at Seo Youngwoo expressionless. Contrary to his words, the other did not look like he cared about Ha Joyoon’s health as expected. His heart fluttered down like a leaf. As the conversation with a noticeably awkward atmosphere continued, other people’s stares were soon directed towards the two.
Not wanting to attract any more attention, Ha Joyoon slightly frowned and sat down once more. His unpleasant feelings slowly coiled up around his feet. Taking notes of every single movement he made, Seo Youngwoo continued.
“Your family must be very worried.”
“That’s inevitable. Everyone must’ve felt bad that he got hurt.”
Min Kyungsoo chimed in, unable to hide the pitying look on his face. It might’ve just been common sympathy, but that was now a strong poison for Ha Joyoon.
Ha Joyoon’s face grew paler as Seo Youngwoo watched him. Emotions resembling anger shook through him like an earthquake. Unlike his calm expression at the unusual explosion of emotions, he was burning red inside. Not realizing this, Seo Youngwoo organized the materials prepared and gave his opinion like a normal greeting.
“Being a war correspondent seems like such a dangerous job. You could be held hostage, and it seems mentally draining for friends and family who want your guaranteed safety…”
“…?”
“Because waiting isn’t so easy. You must have a lot of worries too, Reporter Ha. You can’t ignore such a realistic problem while choosing to go to such a place. And normally, families wouldn’t want you to go there. I think it’s quite amazing of you to make such a sacrifice. Although whenever I think about my family, I don’t think I could do that.”
Seo Youngwoo touched the tip of his chin as if he was thinking for a while, before returning to his usual calm expression and continued talking.
“It seems difficult for someone to wait endlessly, not knowing when you’d be back. It must be tiring for them to wait without any guarantee… Isn’t that pretty upsetting, Reporter Ha? Your family is probably very against it, too.”
‘Sacrifice’ ‘Choice’
Only then did Ha Joyoon realize Seo Youngwoo’s intention as the other roughly asked about his well being. He made a cold smile at the other’s crude mind. Why was he so anxious? Why was Seo Youngwoo looking at him with such an anxious face when he was the one who took his only half? That clear anxiety and jealousy made him let out an empty laugh.
Ha Joyoon turned his head to the side again, sweeping down his stiff cheeks with a lazy touch. His fine hair swayed over his forehead following his movements. His ice-hard heart creaked and ugly hatred rose.
“Are you saying I shouldn’t have gone then?”
“What?”
A raspy voice spoke. Seo Youngwoo’s eyes widened, not expecting an answer. Nam Hyunwoo, who was a few steps away from Ha Joyoon’s sharp reaction, turned towards them with a puzzled look.
“You’re saying I shouldn’t go if people around me don’t want me to. According to you, only those who have nothing to lose should go there.”
“No, that’s…”
“I don’t agree with that.”
“…”
“Was I wrong? I’m asking because I genuinely don’t know.”
Ha Joyoon slowly let out a breath and looked straight at Seo Youngwoo. His previously bold eyes now wavered in embarrassment.
He understood the nature of the man with such eyes. At least this one wasn’t used to hurting others. He had seen many demons in the mask of man at scenes full of guns, blood, and screams. He was also used to people that tried to dominate others just to fulfill their own selfishness.
Seo Youngwoo’s behavior now was just an expression of his anxious feelings. It was crude and careless that it could barely be considered an attack but it was still an attack that could be fatal to someone.
The thought he had in mind soon stopped wandering. Then came a cold laugh. Who was being considerate and compassionate for whom? He had no right or permission to do so. His heart surged in anger.
Sweeping through his messy hair, Ha Joyoon spoke in a monotonous voice that did not contain any emotion.
“If no one goes, I believe someone needs to go. I’m just one of the numerous people that chose to and it’s not such a huge choice or sacrifice like Mr. Seo Youngwoo makes it out to be…”
“…”
“Also, it’s my personal belief and choice… Same with the issue related to my family. I don’t think I need to hear your concern about my private matters. If anyone is to talk about hate or worry about me, I’d rather it be from someone close to me. Or is this perhaps an interview?”
“…No, it’s not.”
“Then that’s good. It’s not a pleasant topic.”
Seo Youngwoo’s hands trembled slightly as his face hardened in an instant. But since there was no reason to be considerate and aware of the feelings he was going through, Ha Joyoon stood up holding the remaining materials without any regrets.
Extreme fatigue rushed over him. The cold air surrounding them had already subsided. He calmly opened his mouth to speak, leaving curious eyes and whispering.
“Could I take my leave first? It doesn’t seem like there’s anything left for me to do.”
“Huh? Oh, oh… You can leave, Mr. Ha Joyoon. He said he would get an interview next time anyway, and today he’ll only listen to the Asian expatriates… Is that fine, Director?”
“You can go.”
The man, who was watching the situation without a word, nodded after a long time. Their eyes met at a glance but his eyes were indecipherable. After getting Shin Kwonjoo’s permission, Ha Joyoon sighed quietly, bowed to the two and left the room.
People’s eyes and curiosity followed him like the longest shadow of the day but his steps continued without waver or hesitation. At least, this time Ha Joyoon was grateful to Shin Kwonjoo for not calling him out for the awkward atmosphere and inappropriate behavior.
The short planning presentation ended in the most efficient form. Time was given for short questions and answers, and in the process the tension that continued throughout the presentation was somewhat relieved, leading to a comfortable conversation about the photo exhibition. Ha Joyoon wanted to leave his seat that very moment but he controlled his thoughts, not wanting to do anything that would attract attention. Seo Youngwoo’s glaring eyes in the middle of the conversation and his lips that looked like they wanted to say something. Ha Joyoon wanted to run away from it all.
[You don’t look good, Yoon.]
At the sound of the worried voice, he opened his eyes. It was Ed. Ha Joyoon gave a small smile and tapped his ballpen on a blank paper.
[I’m just a bit tired. I’m not one to match the atmosphere anyways.]
[I heard you were badly injured. Phillip was very worried.]
[Seems like a lot of talk went around then.]
[It’s a relief that you’re back again.]
He didn’t try to hide the bitterness in his smile. He used to think it was a relief that he was alive. He even thanked god. He prayed and thanked god for letting him see Kang Taejung again. But reality wasn’t as beautiful as he thought. Cold, objective. He didn’t realize that the place he was missing was just a fantasy.
He was filled with thoughts that he couldn’t bring himself to speak. Ha Joyoon tried to ignore his unstable mind, drawing new lines on the paper already full of graffiti.
Strained breath swept down his tight throat and as he glanced around, he was met with a gaze that was looking at him not so far away.
“…”
“…”
He remembered the first moment he was faced with Seo Youngwoo. It also brought back the terrible memory of his despair when he was unable to look at Kang Taejung’s face but his toes instead as the two of them held hands. Was human memory always this harsh?
Unable to hide his pain, Ha Joyoon faced Seo Youngwoo, who was staring at him. The person that loves Kang Taejung. The person who Taejung loves. The one who stood by Kang Taejung. The person Kang Taejung said he wanted to be faithful to. Formless hatred and resentment rose like hot smoke. However, the seeds of the flame couldn’t be ignited but instead, disappeared, leaving only ashes. This was because in any case, he couldn’t say he wasn’t responsible for it as well.
It wasn’t just because of one person. It was the result of all their emotions, reality, and situations. That’s what he understood in his head, but his heart didn’t fully understand it. He envied and hated Seo Youngwoo’s eyes, which looked straight at him, seeming to have taken away all of Kang Taejung’s heart. Since all that was left of Ha Joyoon in Kang Taejung’s heart seemed to be meaningless sympathy, pity, and regret, Ha Joyoon couldn’t fully resent him.
Seo Youngwoo’s gaze was extremely refined, while Ha Joyoon couldn’t even think of hiding his badly taut expression.
“Hello Reporter Ha and Reporter McKellen.”
The man who popped out between Ed and Ha Joyoon stretched out a hand. He unknowingly frowned in the process of tracing his name from memory. Min Kyungsoo. That was probably his name.
“Hello.”
The man dragged an empty chair close and sat on it, smiling an easygoing smile as he gave his business card. His company name, position, and name were printed based on a concise design.
“The direction of the exhibition has changed a bit today, so the sketch interview will be pushed to next time. It might be hard to meet other people again, so let’s get an interview first, and since Reporter Ha is still in Korea, is it okay if we make a separate schedule and visit?”
It was something he had heard so many times. Ha Joyoon looked directly at the man with an uninterested gaze. Unsure of how to interpret his silence, Min Kyungsoo began to talk about his thoughts and values about covering civil war zones. The man began to talk about the press photos and reporters that had left an impression on him, with a sense of seriousness in his eyes.
Even though he didn’t reply for a long time, the conversation continued smoothly due to Min Kyungsoo’s liveliness. It was good that he didn’t have to worry about anything but even a short answer became worrisome to speak and he couldn’t grasp more than half of the other person’s words. He just wanted to rest. With a slowly burning headache, the moment he pressed a hand to his forehead was when he heard the question.
“I heard you had an incident?”
It was a long distance away, but the distinct voice rang in his ears. His fair fingers, which stretched out beautifully, paused for a moment, and his tired eyes slowly moved. The pitch-dark eyes, which were far away from him, moved along with his.
“I also heard you were very injured…”
Seo Youngwoo stopped organizing the materials and carefully continued, leaving the end of his sentence vague. At the words, Min Kyungsoo who was sitting next to him, seemed shocked and looked back at Ha Joyoon.
“Um, Reporter Ha…”
“I was a little injured at an air raid scene.”
“Oh dear. Sorry for being so clueless…”
“That’s fine. It’s nothing to worry about.”
Even though Ha Joyoon tried to soothe him in a tone without an accent, Min Kyungsoo’s tense expression could not be fixed. Sighs filled with grief erupted here and there. Sitting in an uncomfortable seat of interest was like sitting on a thorn cushion.
He didn’t want anyone to pity him. It was just one of the consequences of acting towards his beliefs. He didn’t want to sell his time to be someone’s talk of the day. As people continued to ask questions, Ha Joyoon’s expression began to gradually harden like lead as he answered them.
“Are you okay now?”
Ha Joyoon slightly tilted his head at Seo Youngwoo’s question. The other was still looking directly at him. It was difficult to figure out what his eyes were thinking, and his question was also hard to decipher.
Suddenly, he remembered Seo Youngwoo sitting next to Kang Taejung and looking at him with anxious eyes throughout their conversation. And despite the anxiety, there was a sense of superiority that he was there with Kang Taejung. No matter how unfamiliar he was with human relationships, Ha Joyoon could tell that he and Seo Youngwoo were in no relationship to ask about each other’s well being, even if in passing.
“I’m fine.”
He threw out his emotions and turned his eyes away. His cheek, stung as if it had been scratched with sandpaper under Seo Youngwoo’s stare. The white corners of the paper which were almost used up, were filled again with pen scribbles.
Ha Joyoon who was indifferently drawing a line, checked the time, looking at the wall where a clock was hung. He’d endured more than enough for one hour. The interview had been postponed and him simply being a reporter, did not have to show any interest in their plans for the exhibition. He heard the voice after he briefly greeted McKellen and Min Kyungsoo and stood up halfway.
“It must’ve been difficult.”
“…”
“You don’t look so good now, don’t you need to rest?”
Ha Joyoon paused and looked at Seo Youngwoo expressionless. Contrary to his words, the other did not look like he cared about Ha Joyoon’s health as expected. His heart fluttered down like a leaf. As the conversation with a noticeably awkward atmosphere continued, other people’s stares were soon directed towards the two.
Not wanting to attract any more attention, Ha Joyoon slightly frowned and sat down once more. His unpleasant feelings slowly coiled up around his feet. Taking notes of every single movement he made, Seo Youngwoo continued.
“Your family must be very worried.”
“That’s inevitable. Everyone must’ve felt bad that he got hurt.”
Min Kyungsoo chimed in, unable to hide the pitying look on his face. It might’ve just been common sympathy, but that was now a strong poison for Ha Joyoon.
Ha Joyoon’s face grew paler as Seo Youngwoo watched him. Emotions resembling anger shook through him like an earthquake. Unlike his calm expression at the unusual explosion of emotions, he was burning red inside. Not realizing this, Seo Youngwoo organized the materials prepared and gave his opinion like a normal greeting.
“Being a war correspondent seems like such a dangerous job. You could be held hostage, and it seems mentally draining for friends and family who want your guaranteed safety…”
“…?”
“Because waiting isn’t so easy. You must have a lot of worries too, Reporter Ha. You can’t ignore such a realistic problem while choosing to go to such a place. And normally, families wouldn’t want you to go there. I think it’s quite amazing of you to make such a sacrifice. Although whenever I think about my family, I don’t think I could do that.”
Seo Youngwoo touched the tip of his chin as if he was thinking for a while, before returning to his usual calm expression and continued talking.
“It seems difficult for someone to wait endlessly, not knowing when you’d be back. It must be tiring for them to wait without any guarantee… Isn’t that pretty upsetting, Reporter Ha? Your family is probably very against it, too.”
‘Sacrifice’ ‘Choice’
Only then did Ha Joyoon realize Seo Youngwoo’s intention as the other roughly asked about his well being. He made a cold smile at the other’s crude mind. Why was he so anxious? Why was Seo Youngwoo looking at him with such an anxious face when he was the one who took his only half? That clear anxiety and jealousy made him let out an empty laugh.
Ha Joyoon turned his head to the side again, sweeping down his stiff cheeks with a lazy touch. His fine hair swayed over his forehead following his movements. His ice-hard heart creaked and ugly hatred rose.
“Are you saying I shouldn’t have gone then?”
“What?”
A raspy voice spoke. Seo Youngwoo’s eyes widened, not expecting an answer. Nam Hyunwoo, who was a few steps away from Ha Joyoon’s sharp reaction, turned towards them with a puzzled look.
“You’re saying I shouldn’t go if people around me don’t want me to. According to you, only those who have nothing to lose should go there.”
“No, that’s…”
“I don’t agree with that.”
“…”
“Was I wrong? I’m asking because I genuinely don’t know.”
Ha Joyoon slowly let out a breath and looked straight at Seo Youngwoo. His previously bold eyes now wavered in embarrassment.
He understood the nature of the man with such eyes. At least this one wasn’t used to hurting others. He had seen many demons in the mask of man at scenes full of guns, blood, and screams. He was also used to people that tried to dominate others just to fulfill their own selfishness.
Seo Youngwoo’s behavior now was just an expression of his anxious feelings. It was crude and careless that it could barely be considered an attack but it was still an attack that could be fatal to someone.
The thought he had in mind soon stopped wandering. Then came a cold laugh. Who was being considerate and compassionate for whom? He had no right or permission to do so. His heart surged in anger.
Sweeping through his messy hair, Ha Joyoon spoke in a monotonous voice that did not contain any emotion.
“If no one goes, I believe someone needs to go. I’m just one of the numerous people that chose to and it’s not such a huge choice or sacrifice like Mr. Seo Youngwoo makes it out to be…”
“…”
“Also, it’s my personal belief and choice… Same with the issue related to my family. I don’t think I need to hear your concern about my private matters. If anyone is to talk about hate or worry about me, I’d rather it be from someone close to me. Or is this perhaps an interview?”
“…No, it’s not.”
“Then that’s good. It’s not a pleasant topic.”
Seo Youngwoo’s hands trembled slightly as his face hardened in an instant. But since there was no reason to be considerate and aware of the feelings he was going through, Ha Joyoon stood up holding the remaining materials without any regrets.
Extreme fatigue rushed over him. The cold air surrounding them had already subsided. He calmly opened his mouth to speak, leaving curious eyes and whispering.
“Could I take my leave first? It doesn’t seem like there’s anything left for me to do.”
“Huh? Oh, oh… You can leave, Mr. Ha Joyoon. He said he would get an interview next time anyway, and today he’ll only listen to the Asian expatriates… Is that fine, Director?”
“You can go.”
The man, who was watching the situation without a word, nodded after a long time. Their eyes met at a glance but his eyes were indecipherable. After getting Shin Kwonjoo’s permission, Ha Joyoon sighed quietly, bowed to the two and left the room.
People’s eyes and curiosity followed him like the longest shadow of the day but his steps continued without waver or hesitation. At least, this time Ha Joyoon was grateful to Shin Kwonjoo for not calling him out for the awkward atmosphere and inappropriate behavior.
