As he watched the pictures of the civil war gradually become more brutal, his gaze became sharp enough to pierce. Ha Joyoon’s voice as he sat next to him, explaining the pictures silently, became even quieter. Ripples of an odd silence continued, neither comfortable or uncomfortable. It was always this way when he was with Shin Kwonjoo. It was a completely different feeling from Kang Taejung, who was so drunk in comfort that it even tired his heart.
“Compared to the ones I saw before… these have more rawness to them.”
“The ones you saw before were right before my accident so I gave you the regular cuts.”
“Did you hear from the editor-in-chief about the exhibition photo selection?”
AD
The man who had been unable to take his eyes off the picture for a while asked suddenly.
“Yes,” The short reply followed after.
“You should sit up instead. Don’t be so negligent.”
Ha Joyoon reluctantly rose and leaned back against the bedhead at the suasion that sounded like an order. Embarrassment set in because he felt like he was caught being lazy, but he couldn’t say anything when he saw the fierce eyes staring at him.
“I hope you can show these pictures at the exhibition.”
It was something he never seriously thought about. Ha Joyoon agonized for a while and then shook his head soon after. He didn’t want to be deeply involved even if it was just a simple suggestion.
“I have a lot of work to do, so it’s hard to hand them out right away.”
“We have plenty of time anyway. There’s not much to deal with either. Let’s talk about it at the meeting on Monday. It’s a shame that you couldn’t submit it to the press photo contest. It’s way past the time for that now, though.”
“I don’t… really want to.”
AD
He replied in a dull tone, pressing the off button before putting the camera down.
“These are all important pictures. They need to be released. From now on, let’s consider submitting them for an exhibition competition. As you already know, The refugee situation is at its worst right now. Putting it up for exhibition is just a start. It’s about the purpose, not the outcome.”
“…”
“Some enjoy the sunset on a yacht in the Mediterranean, while some wear a faulty life vest to live in the middle of the Mediterranean and dozens of people cross the sea on a boat. Didn’t you see a lot of things like that?”
Shin Kwonjoo jeered and continued,
Eyes so dark that they could be seen as black blinked slowly and the sharp cast of his eyes drew a faint curve. Within the dull gaze was a clash of an indescribable emotion. It was only a small change, but it was enough to make his expression seem different from the usual coldness it had.
After a short while, the man reached his hand out. With a light sigh, a cool palm touched his head.
“These pictures are worth betting my life on.”
“…”
“It was definitely necessary. You did a great job.”
The hand that lightly patted his head was a very soft gesture, but it seemed to show worry somewhere, making Ha Joyoon frown and avoid his eyes. Suddenly heat rose up to his wrinkled eyes.
He raised his head again but the other man had now turned his attention to his cell phone, busy checking his work mail and messages as if he had not just been talking. It reminded him that the words from a moment ago were just work-related sentiments, which he said as his boss in the same job. However, the brown eyes looking at Shin Kwonjoo were now teary and began to explore past memories.
There was a man he once traveled with around a civil war zone and Greece’s border for about half a year. Philip Bauer. He was a war correspondent for Waiton, who spent more than 20 years covering news on refugees. He was also an old friend of Ed McKellen from Shanghai.
[Yoon, don’t underestimate the value of a drop of tear. An easy piece of sympathy is of no use. The way we can help them is by taking a photo of their reality and letting the world know so that no one can say ‘I didn’t know’ about it. That’s why we take photos.]
That was what Phillip said to him as he stared blankly at a child who had travelled by ocean but eventually passed away and was washed up from a sandy beach. Trembling from the misery of the small, lifeless body, Ha Joyoon captured the child’s back in the lens. At the moment of capture that went off dozens of times a second, he hoped to leave a trace in someone’s memory so that no one could feign ignorance.
After that, he tried not to shed tears while filming the terrible and sad scene. He endured the eruption of emotions with a sense of mission to let the world know the horrors of those exposed to the most dangerous boundary between life and death.
In that way, he hoped to help the heart and life of a person who could not be helped by machines, with his own eyes and lenses.
Emotions that he learned to endure and hold in converged only in his insides. The time when he was reunited with Kang Taejung and notified of his breakup was the last time he remembered his emotions exploding and being completely exhausted. After that, he thought that he would never let his emotions show again.
And so, Ha Joyoon didn’t even realize he was crying at that moment.
“Anyway, the headquarters will have to select reporters and photos to show at the exhibition from the archive. They’ll contact each branch, but I’ll tell Boyle separately…”
Shin Kwonjoo, who was stroking his own chin satisfactorily, couldn’t say a word when he saw how the other looked. There was bewilderment over the usually indifferent face.
“Ha Joyoon,” He called his partner in a dumbfounded voice.
“…How in the world did that make you start crying?”
He spoke in a tone that sounded frustrated, but still didn’t leave Ha Joyoon’s side. He had gotten used to sighing at this point. They kept a distance in their relationship, not coming closer or moving further away, and a temperature neither cold nor hot. Nevertheless, that temperature of a relationship was one he needed the most as someone whose heart had been burned and became ashes. A relationship where they used each other, but he used the other more cowardly.
Ha Joyoon sat with wet eyes without moving and felt the man sitting next to him. He was unfamiliar with the sensation that hit his entire body.
It seemed like everyone was pointing a finger at him, saying he did wrong. He felt like he was being criticized for being selfish and being blind to his desire for his beliefs, or for making his lover lonely, and so he had to accept all the results of his actions. Even his family said they were glad he was back alive, but they hoped he would never go back to civil war zones holding his camera. It felt like all his dreams and beliefs that he had been struggling to keep were denied.
He also thought those things to himself when he was overwhelmed by his negative thoughts. That he was selfish, stupid and made the wrong choice, and so he didn’t deserve to be angry with anyone, nor did he deserve to be sad. It was only natural to live with all these consequences.
However, despite the continuing self torment, he didn’t know that he wanted to hear comforting words telling him that he did what he had to do and did his best to inform people of others’ miserable and unfair deaths. To let him know that what he did was still valuable for someone. He didn’t realize that he was waiting for someone to tell him that he wasn’t wrong. Even though he felt that way, he couldn’t say so because it sounded incredibly selfish and greedy.
Tears flowed down, unable to overcome the intensity of his continuous wave of emotions.
“Mr. Ha Joyoon, you’re really a handful,” Shin Kwonjoo said, clicking his tongue after watching him for a while.
“…This is the last time. I won’t cry anymore.”
“Gosh.”
Even though he tried to speak with determination, his voice sounded funny due to his stuffy nose and all he got was a sigh and a sneer. Thud. The sound of randomly throwing a cell phone on the table rang out loud.
“Get it together, would you? I hate things like this. Why not just control your emotions? Is this because of your break-up again?”
“…I’m sorry.”
Shin Kwonjoo frowned deeply, before moving closer to Ha Joyoon and covering his eyes with a hand. A low voice soon followed.
“…Calm down. Once this passes, you won’t feel anything anymore.”
Ha Joyoon let out a sigh at his patheticness but ironically, the hands covering his eyes were large and warm, so he couldn’t stop crying.
Holding the firm man’s arms with both hands, he quietly poured out the heavy rain of emotion that he had forced himself to hide for a long time. Staring silently at the endless tears flowing under his hand, Shin Kwonjoo said in a low voice,
“Don’t let your emotions show just anywhere.”
“I don’t.”
“Look at you talking back.”
Contrary to the smirking laughter, the warm palm covered his eyes even more tightly. As if he was going to take away all the emotions Ha Joyoon was shedding.
Loveable.
He didn’t love this man, but he thought he was loveable.
The cold comfort covering his eyes was loveable, and the small consideration of being beside him even though he was annoyed by it was loveable.
Were you also this way?
Even though you loved and longed for me, did you also think that the person who stood by your side was loveable at that moment? Did you learn to lean on him little by little? Were you consoled by him? Did you feel satisfied, asking for things from him that I couldn’t do for you? Was it that way?
It was only after being hit by the sad wave of reality that Ha Joyoon thought differently about the person he loved for the first time. Ha Joyoon could now fully understand Kang Taejung’s heart, which chose someone other than him.
He realized that even if his feelings did not completely disappear or his love still remained, he might’ve felt that another person was loveable for a moment. He now understood how lonely he had been, and how he eventually opened his heart.
Just like him now, his lover must’ve been comforted by a new person for the wounds and loneliness he had received from Ha Joyoon. And at some point, he must have naturally fallen in love with that person.
After a long time, Ha Joyoon was able to admit for the first time that Kang Taejung had really gotten over his feelings for him and now had someone else in mind. Someone that wasn’t him. He also understood how difficult and lonely it must have been for him.
It was a belated understanding and admission of their break-up.
Sadness that blossomed through numerous pains and hurts shines brilliantly only with the growth of understanding. It was a parting and goodbye to the summer he had hidden his emotions away, facing it for the first time without evading.
As he watched the pictures of the civil war gradually become more brutal, his gaze became sharp enough to pierce. Ha Joyoon’s voice as he sat next to him, explaining the pictures silently, became even quieter. Ripples of an odd silence continued, neither comfortable or uncomfortable. It was always this way when he was with Shin Kwonjoo. It was a completely different feeling from Kang Taejung, who was so drunk in comfort that it even tired his heart.
“Compared to the ones I saw before… these have more rawness to them.”
“The ones you saw before were right before my accident so I gave you the regular cuts.”
“Did you hear from the editor-in-chief about the exhibition photo selection?”
AD
The man who had been unable to take his eyes off the picture for a while asked suddenly.
“Yes,” The short reply followed after.
“You should sit up instead. Don’t be so negligent.”
Ha Joyoon reluctantly rose and leaned back against the bedhead at the suasion that sounded like an order. Embarrassment set in because he felt like he was caught being lazy, but he couldn’t say anything when he saw the fierce eyes staring at him.
“I hope you can show these pictures at the exhibition.”
It was something he never seriously thought about. Ha Joyoon agonized for a while and then shook his head soon after. He didn’t want to be deeply involved even if it was just a simple suggestion.
“I have a lot of work to do, so it’s hard to hand them out right away.”
“We have plenty of time anyway. There’s not much to deal with either. Let’s talk about it at the meeting on Monday. It’s a shame that you couldn’t submit it to the press photo contest. It’s way past the time for that now, though.”
“I don’t… really want to.”
AD
He replied in a dull tone, pressing the off button before putting the camera down.
“These are all important pictures. They need to be released. From now on, let’s consider submitting them for an exhibition competition. As you already know, The refugee situation is at its worst right now. Putting it up for exhibition is just a start. It’s about the purpose, not the outcome.”
“…”
“Some enjoy the sunset on a yacht in the Mediterranean, while some wear a faulty life vest to live in the middle of the Mediterranean and dozens of people cross the sea on a boat. Didn’t you see a lot of things like that?”
Shin Kwonjoo jeered and continued,
Eyes so dark that they could be seen as black blinked slowly and the sharp cast of his eyes drew a faint curve. Within the dull gaze was a clash of an indescribable emotion. It was only a small change, but it was enough to make his expression seem different from the usual coldness it had.
After a short while, the man reached his hand out. With a light sigh, a cool palm touched his head.
“These pictures are worth betting my life on.”
“…”
“It was definitely necessary. You did a great job.”
The hand that lightly patted his head was a very soft gesture, but it seemed to show worry somewhere, making Ha Joyoon frown and avoid his eyes. Suddenly heat rose up to his wrinkled eyes.
He raised his head again but the other man had now turned his attention to his cell phone, busy checking his work mail and messages as if he had not just been talking. It reminded him that the words from a moment ago were just work-related sentiments, which he said as his boss in the same job. However, the brown eyes looking at Shin Kwonjoo were now teary and began to explore past memories.
There was a man he once traveled with around a civil war zone and Greece’s border for about half a year. Philip Bauer. He was a war correspondent for Waiton, who spent more than 20 years covering news on refugees. He was also an old friend of Ed McKellen from Shanghai.
[Yoon, don’t underestimate the value of a drop of tear. An easy piece of sympathy is of no use. The way we can help them is by taking a photo of their reality and letting the world know so that no one can say ‘I didn’t know’ about it. That’s why we take photos.]
That was what Phillip said to him as he stared blankly at a child who had travelled by ocean but eventually passed away and was washed up from a sandy beach. Trembling from the misery of the small, lifeless body, Ha Joyoon captured the child’s back in the lens. At the moment of capture that went off dozens of times a second, he hoped to leave a trace in someone’s memory so that no one could feign ignorance.
After that, he tried not to shed tears while filming the terrible and sad scene. He endured the eruption of emotions with a sense of mission to let the world know the horrors of those exposed to the most dangerous boundary between life and death.
In that way, he hoped to help the heart and life of a person who could not be helped by machines, with his own eyes and lenses.
Emotions that he learned to endure and hold in converged only in his insides. The time when he was reunited with Kang Taejung and notified of his breakup was the last time he remembered his emotions exploding and being completely exhausted. After that, he thought that he would never let his emotions show again.
And so, Ha Joyoon didn’t even realize he was crying at that moment.
“Anyway, the headquarters will have to select reporters and photos to show at the exhibition from the archive. They’ll contact each branch, but I’ll tell Boyle separately…”
Shin Kwonjoo, who was stroking his own chin satisfactorily, couldn’t say a word when he saw how the other looked. There was bewilderment over the usually indifferent face.
“Ha Joyoon,” He called his partner in a dumbfounded voice.
“…How in the world did that make you start crying?”
He spoke in a tone that sounded frustrated, but still didn’t leave Ha Joyoon’s side. He had gotten used to sighing at this point. They kept a distance in their relationship, not coming closer or moving further away, and a temperature neither cold nor hot. Nevertheless, that temperature of a relationship was one he needed the most as someone whose heart had been burned and became ashes. A relationship where they used each other, but he used the other more cowardly.
Ha Joyoon sat with wet eyes without moving and felt the man sitting next to him. He was unfamiliar with the sensation that hit his entire body.
It seemed like everyone was pointing a finger at him, saying he did wrong. He felt like he was being criticized for being selfish and being blind to his desire for his beliefs, or for making his lover lonely, and so he had to accept all the results of his actions. Even his family said they were glad he was back alive, but they hoped he would never go back to civil war zones holding his camera. It felt like all his dreams and beliefs that he had been struggling to keep were denied.
He also thought those things to himself when he was overwhelmed by his negative thoughts. That he was selfish, stupid and made the wrong choice, and so he didn’t deserve to be angry with anyone, nor did he deserve to be sad. It was only natural to live with all these consequences.
However, despite the continuing self torment, he didn’t know that he wanted to hear comforting words telling him that he did what he had to do and did his best to inform people of others’ miserable and unfair deaths. To let him know that what he did was still valuable for someone. He didn’t realize that he was waiting for someone to tell him that he wasn’t wrong. Even though he felt that way, he couldn’t say so because it sounded incredibly selfish and greedy.
Tears flowed down, unable to overcome the intensity of his continuous wave of emotions.
“Mr. Ha Joyoon, you’re really a handful,” Shin Kwonjoo said, clicking his tongue after watching him for a while.
“…This is the last time. I won’t cry anymore.”
“Gosh.”
Even though he tried to speak with determination, his voice sounded funny due to his stuffy nose and all he got was a sigh and a sneer. Thud. The sound of randomly throwing a cell phone on the table rang out loud.
“Get it together, would you? I hate things like this. Why not just control your emotions? Is this because of your break-up again?”
“…I’m sorry.”
Shin Kwonjoo frowned deeply, before moving closer to Ha Joyoon and covering his eyes with a hand. A low voice soon followed.
“…Calm down. Once this passes, you won’t feel anything anymore.”
Ha Joyoon let out a sigh at his patheticness but ironically, the hands covering his eyes were large and warm, so he couldn’t stop crying.
Holding the firm man’s arms with both hands, he quietly poured out the heavy rain of emotion that he had forced himself to hide for a long time. Staring silently at the endless tears flowing under his hand, Shin Kwonjoo said in a low voice,
“Don’t let your emotions show just anywhere.”
“I don’t.”
“Look at you talking back.”
Contrary to the smirking laughter, the warm palm covered his eyes even more tightly. As if he was going to take away all the emotions Ha Joyoon was shedding.
Loveable.
He didn’t love this man, but he thought he was loveable.
The cold comfort covering his eyes was loveable, and the small consideration of being beside him even though he was annoyed by it was loveable.
Were you also this way?
Even though you loved and longed for me, did you also think that the person who stood by your side was loveable at that moment? Did you learn to lean on him little by little? Were you consoled by him? Did you feel satisfied, asking for things from him that I couldn’t do for you? Was it that way?
It was only after being hit by the sad wave of reality that Ha Joyoon thought differently about the person he loved for the first time. Ha Joyoon could now fully understand Kang Taejung’s heart, which chose someone other than him.
He realized that even if his feelings did not completely disappear or his love still remained, he might’ve felt that another person was loveable for a moment. He now understood how lonely he had been, and how he eventually opened his heart.
Just like him now, his lover must’ve been comforted by a new person for the wounds and loneliness he had received from Ha Joyoon. And at some point, he must have naturally fallen in love with that person.
After a long time, Ha Joyoon was able to admit for the first time that Kang Taejung had really gotten over his feelings for him and now had someone else in mind. Someone that wasn’t him. He also understood how difficult and lonely it must have been for him.
It was a belated understanding and admission of their break-up.
Sadness that blossomed through numerous pains and hurts shines brilliantly only with the growth of understanding. It was a parting and goodbye to the summer he had hidden his emotions away, facing it for the first time without evading.
