Johann immediately slammed the door and went out. Melfis chased after him.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to Berylia.”
Johann’s heart was beating unsteadily. As if the feelings of the past he had just experienced were passed down intact.
A great sense of betrayal and anger toward Toulouse wrapped around his body.
On the other hand, the burning desire for Berylia grew even more intense.
She was a woman he had worked tirelessly over and over to save.
But he had to watch her chilling body cool right before his eyes…
‘My companion.’
‘In the end… I want her again in this life.’
With such a bitter and desperate heart.
He couldn’t remember all of his previous life, but Johann felt all those long years with his skin.
Long years of wanting to have only one woman, but failing…
So this was a very fortunate life, Johann thought.
‘As she’s still alive.’
In his past as vivid as reality, he could still feel her pale skin and cold body temperature in his arms.
So he wanted to see her. He wanted to check if she was alive, even for a moment.
If he kissed her on the back of her warm hand, this feeling of suffocation would disappear.
But the story the duke told him in her drawing room seemed to choke him.
“Her Majesty the Queen went out with the Crown Prince.”
“……What?”
“These days, ‘efforts to recover memories’ are being made. She said to tell visitors who come looking for her this.”
It was a message that Berylia had asked Orléans to say on purpose.
‘Efforts to find memory’ was natural, and it was also natural for her husband, Rixus, to help.
Even if the two of them didn’t have any special feelings for each other, or even if they weren’t covertly working together, it was something they could do.
It sounded like a pretty official schedule. It really seemed that way.
But there was a lot of difference between what Johann understood with his head and what he received emotionally.
Especially at a time like now.
“…….”
It felt like his heart was about to explode with jealousy.
Jealousy wrapped around his body, cutting his skin like chains. Johann bit his lips; it bled. The thorough mask he usually wore casually was shattered at this moment.
Displeasure and irritation were vividly exposed on his face, making even Duke Orléans wince.
With veins popping in his temples, Johann managed to suppress his stinging emotions for a moment.
“…Then, when Her Majesty the Queen returns…”
Hard, low breaths scattered.
“When Her Majesty the Queen returns, be sure to tell her that ‘Johann Marquis’ was here.”
Duke Orléans quietly bowed his head and said that he understood.
Then Johann turned his body violently and quickly moved away from the door.
He was gnashing his teeth.
‘Dog-like bastard.’
‘Well, Berylia’s your wife, and you’re taking her around with you!’
‘There’s not much time left.’
Soon it would turn to ashes, everything you tried to protect.
Neither this superior empire, nor the marriage of your choosing!
In the end, nothing would be left in your hands, Rixus.
‘You will have to lose everything before you know how I feel. Isn’t that it?’
* * *
‘Did I fall asleep?’
I suddenly felt myself waking up from a good sleep.
The first thing that I felt was the masculine and discreet body scent that made my heart flutter. And a soft hand caressing my cheek.
Dagun, dagun—
A large hand wrapped around my shoulder in the swaying carriage.
I felt warm fabric wrapped around my body. It must be Rixus’ coat.
His body scent now felt as familiar as my own.
‘I’m in Rixus’ arms.’
It was then that I remembered what happened before I fell asleep.
As soon as we met, I said, ‘Your cute blue bird is here. Are you satisfied now?’ and he laughed mischievously.
Then we rode a carriage together.
‘Where are we going…?’
Rixus did not reveal our destination.
I could open my eyes right away and ask, but the faint sleep made me drowsy.
It felt like my eyelids kept getting heavy with the warm feeling.
Hold on… the gentle touch like stroking a baby also contributed to the warmth.
‘With rough hands, how can Rixus touch me so softly?’
I could feel the love embedded in each and every touch…
Suddenly, my heart was pounding.
At that moment, his breath fell lightly on the bridge of my nose.
And it touched me unexpectedly… a dull bass.
“I love you, Berylia.”
He confessed to me secretly.
“….…”
He was such a stupid man.
I couldn’t even remember…
He hugged me so that I wouldn’t shake, he gave me his coat so that I wouldn’t get cold…
…Confessing his love.
Even though I thought it was stupid, this man who was blind to me somehow made my heart flutter.
Filled with happiness, I accepted the rush of sleep in ease.
I fell into a pleasant sleep.
It had been a long time.
* * *
By the time we reached our destination, it was almost night.
“Where are we, Rixus?”
“Come on.”
Rixus stretched out his hand instead of answering.
Naturally, I placed my hand in that large hand.
“From here on, it’s just the two of us.”
“……Great.”
I took Rixus’ hand and entered the grove.
Countless stars were twinkling in the sky.
Rustle rustle—
The moderately dry leaves at my feet were soft.
It was refreshing, but the night forest was dark, so I held his hand tighter so I wouldn’t fall and walked.
“You’re really good at walking in the dark, Rixus. Can you see well in the dark? …I think you saw well even when the barbatus dragon turned off all the magic stone lights last time.”
“I’ve been blind.”
“……Okay?”
In the original book, Rixus was cursed and blinded, but I did not pretend to know.
“It’s been that way for quite some time.”
Rixus looked back at me, raising his lips into a smile.
His smile was so beautiful that my heart raced.
“When I collapsed because I couldn’t see, you saved me. And you promised me.”
“…What promise?”
“To be my bride like you are now.”
“Really? Were we pretty mature back then?”
“Ah, we were quite mature. Enough to promise each other’s future. Mhm…”
With a mischievous expression on his face, Rixus measured from around my thigh with his palm.
“Were we this tall?”
“!”
Did I promise to get married at such a young age?!
‘It’s obviously a fraudulent marriage.’
I looked at him with skeptical eyes.
“What did that little boy know when he proposed to me?”
“Oh, you must be pretty.”
“…….”
“When I could briefly see for a moment, I saw the girl who saved me.”
Rixus added that he kept the image of the face he saw at that time in his chest and cherished it dearly.
Day and night, he remembered that one pretty face.
That she was someone he would love for the rest of his life… The moment he saw it for the first time, he felt it.
The first love of the boy, burning like a fever, tormented him viciously and made him want her blindly, even as he became a teenager and a man.
She was the light of his life.
She was the one to love even in death.
He never forgot that simple and clear truth.
“We’re almost there, Candy.”
Rustle—
Rixus pushed the lush branch that was obscuring the view with a big hand, and proceeded.
Finally, the scenery came into my view.
“Ah…”
A low elasticity flowed from my mouth.
Countless stars shining beautifully like diamonds in the sky spread out like a black base.
Below that, a feast of brilliant light purple…
It was a lavender forest by the lakeside.
The soft, fragrant smell penetrated deep into my lungs and made my heart flutter.
‘Really pretty. So beautiful.’
Everywhere my eyes touched, I was moved.
My heart was thundering.
“You saw me here… for the first time?”
Instead of answering, Rixus looked at me and shifted his eyes. It was a boyish smile.
The two of us walked together through the lavender forest holding hands.
I could feel my pulse pounding in my hand.
The place I was walking in was as beautiful as a dream, so there was no sense of reality.
As much as I believed in Rixus and walked with him.
‘…Even if I touch him now, I’m not afraid at all.’
As I saw Rixus walking in front of me, I felt a new sense of wonder.
I trusted him so quickly, he seeped into my life, and I became dependent on him…
I must have loved him very much before I lost my memory.
Even if I forgot everything, the feelings of affection remained to the point my heart ached.
How precious he must have been to me now seemed vaguely familiar.
The two of us passed through the endless lavender forest and walked along the shore of the lake with countless stars and the bright moon above our heads.
The small hut we arrived at was already lit up.
“One moment.”
Rixus took off his coat and laid it on the floor.
We once again sat side by side in the hut.
We were both mature adults now.
The little children who didn’t even know if they could survive tomorrow were this big and remembered the old moments.
I spoke with the cozy hut in my eyes.
“You brought me here. I…”
“Yes. You fed me candy here too.”
Startled, my gaze turned to Rixus.
“…Maybe, that’s why you call me ‘Candy’?”
“Well.”
He answered with a grunt in his throat, neither ‘yes’ nor ‘no’. He wore a smiling face.
“So childish!”
“I was shocked because it was so sweet.”
“Candy?”
Rixus kissed the back of my hand and whispered softly.
“No, you.”
I could feel my cheeks reddening a little.
Rixus sat down and told a story that I had forgotten about in this hut.
About the children who spent their day here sharing hard bread, and sleeping together at night.
I listened to the story for a long time with shining eyes.
Then I suddenly said,
“Strange.”
“What?”
I looked at Rixus quietly.
A tall nose and a manly jawline.
Although he was sitting, his thick chest, broad shoulders, and physique that I felt made him an ‘adult man’ in itself.
His eyes were sharp and deep.
Rixus was so manly, it seemed like he was an adult from the moment he was born.
I couldn’t have imagined him being a boy.
“I mean, Rixus had a childhood… I felt like you must have been an adult since you were born.”
“What?”
Rixus let out a low laugh as if he had heard a really funny thing.
It wasn’t until I saw his playfully folded eyes that I vaguely guessed the boyhood of Rixus.
“……”
Then, suddenly, the bandage on the inside of his shirt caught my eye.
I slowly raised my hands and unfastened the buttons one by one.
Rixus stood still and watched what I was doing.
Tuk– Tuk–
The darkly stretched collar bone was the first to be seen, followed by the bandage on the chest that I wounded…
I felt my heart ache just looking at the bandage, and then I found a lumpy red scar on the inside of the bandage.
Then I slowly pulled back his shirt.
‘This…’
‘It’s a burn mark.’
I knew what the scar looked like.
Because I read the original.
The young Rixus who desperately clung to the nanny who tried to kill him.
Just imagining it made my heart hurt.
As if the traces of his loneliness and despair were engraved in my heart, my chest throbbed to the point that it was piercing.
‘I think I know why I saved you.’
He probably wouldn’t have been able to ignore it at all. just like me.
Maybe I just couldn’t turn a blind eye. He was just like me.
‘I’m sorry again.’
Not being able to remember his and our childhood.
The mixed feelings of regret and anxiety made me a little weak.
“What if I can’t find my memory again? …If I get my memory back, what if I lose it again?”
I lost it once, but there was no guarantee that it wouldn’t happen twice.
Rixus’ warm hand held mine.
“Don’t worry.”
He stroked my anxious cheek with a gentle hand.
“Even if you forget a thousand times, I will come back to you a thousand times.”
“….…”
My heart was pounding as if riding a wave.
After having lost my memory, I felt it for the first time— I wanted to kiss him.
It seemed he was thinking the same thing.
Rixus approached as if it was our first time.
Careful, bated breaths, the tingling and tickling sensation of lips rubbing against each other.
When the most sensitive and sweetest flesh touched each other, it felt like the heart would burst.
I suddenly wondered.
How much did I love you for my heart to be beating like this?
‘…Again, I want to feel it.’
‘I want to know why this kiss is so sweet and makes me cry. Rixus.’
Johann immediately slammed the door and went out. Melfis chased after him.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to Berylia.”
Johann’s heart was beating unsteadily. As if the feelings of the past he had just experienced were passed down intact.
A great sense of betrayal and anger toward Toulouse wrapped around his body.
On the other hand, the burning desire for Berylia grew even more intense.
She was a woman he had worked tirelessly over and over to save.
But he had to watch her chilling body cool right before his eyes…
‘My companion.’
‘In the end… I want her again in this life.’
With such a bitter and desperate heart.
He couldn’t remember all of his previous life, but Johann felt all those long years with his skin.
Long years of wanting to have only one woman, but failing…
So this was a very fortunate life, Johann thought.
‘As she’s still alive.’
In his past as vivid as reality, he could still feel her pale skin and cold body temperature in his arms.
So he wanted to see her. He wanted to check if she was alive, even for a moment.
If he kissed her on the back of her warm hand, this feeling of suffocation would disappear.
But the story the duke told him in her drawing room seemed to choke him.
“Her Majesty the Queen went out with the Crown Prince.”
“……What?”
“These days, ‘efforts to recover memories’ are being made. She said to tell visitors who come looking for her this.”
It was a message that Berylia had asked Orléans to say on purpose.
‘Efforts to find memory’ was natural, and it was also natural for her husband, Rixus, to help.
Even if the two of them didn’t have any special feelings for each other, or even if they weren’t covertly working together, it was something they could do.
It sounded like a pretty official schedule. It really seemed that way.
But there was a lot of difference between what Johann understood with his head and what he received emotionally.
Especially at a time like now.
“…….”
It felt like his heart was about to explode with jealousy.
Jealousy wrapped around his body, cutting his skin like chains. Johann bit his lips; it bled. The thorough mask he usually wore casually was shattered at this moment.
Displeasure and irritation were vividly exposed on his face, making even Duke Orléans wince.
With veins popping in his temples, Johann managed to suppress his stinging emotions for a moment.
“…Then, when Her Majesty the Queen returns…”
Hard, low breaths scattered.
“When Her Majesty the Queen returns, be sure to tell her that ‘Johann Marquis’ was here.”
Duke Orléans quietly bowed his head and said that he understood.
Then Johann turned his body violently and quickly moved away from the door.
He was gnashing his teeth.
‘Dog-like bastard.’
‘Well, Berylia’s your wife, and you’re taking her around with you!’
‘There’s not much time left.’
Soon it would turn to ashes, everything you tried to protect.
Neither this superior empire, nor the marriage of your choosing!
In the end, nothing would be left in your hands, Rixus.
‘You will have to lose everything before you know how I feel. Isn’t that it?’
* * *
‘Did I fall asleep?’
I suddenly felt myself waking up from a good sleep.
The first thing that I felt was the masculine and discreet body scent that made my heart flutter. And a soft hand caressing my cheek.
Dagun, dagun—
A large hand wrapped around my shoulder in the swaying carriage.
I felt warm fabric wrapped around my body. It must be Rixus’ coat.
His body scent now felt as familiar as my own.
‘I’m in Rixus’ arms.’
It was then that I remembered what happened before I fell asleep.
As soon as we met, I said, ‘Your cute blue bird is here. Are you satisfied now?’ and he laughed mischievously.
Then we rode a carriage together.
‘Where are we going…?’
Rixus did not reveal our destination.
I could open my eyes right away and ask, but the faint sleep made me drowsy.
It felt like my eyelids kept getting heavy with the warm feeling.
Hold on… the gentle touch like stroking a baby also contributed to the warmth.
‘With rough hands, how can Rixus touch me so softly?’
I could feel the love embedded in each and every touch…
Suddenly, my heart was pounding.
At that moment, his breath fell lightly on the bridge of my nose.
And it touched me unexpectedly… a dull bass.
“I love you, Berylia.”
He confessed to me secretly.
“….…”
He was such a stupid man.
I couldn’t even remember…
He hugged me so that I wouldn’t shake, he gave me his coat so that I wouldn’t get cold…
…Confessing his love.
Even though I thought it was stupid, this man who was blind to me somehow made my heart flutter.
Filled with happiness, I accepted the rush of sleep in ease.
I fell into a pleasant sleep.
It had been a long time.
* * *
By the time we reached our destination, it was almost night.
“Where are we, Rixus?”
“Come on.”
Rixus stretched out his hand instead of answering.
Naturally, I placed my hand in that large hand.
“From here on, it’s just the two of us.”
“……Great.”
I took Rixus’ hand and entered the grove.
Countless stars were twinkling in the sky.
Rustle rustle—
The moderately dry leaves at my feet were soft.
It was refreshing, but the night forest was dark, so I held his hand tighter so I wouldn’t fall and walked.
“You’re really good at walking in the dark, Rixus. Can you see well in the dark? …I think you saw well even when the barbatus dragon turned off all the magic stone lights last time.”
“I’ve been blind.”
“……Okay?”
In the original book, Rixus was cursed and blinded, but I did not pretend to know.
“It’s been that way for quite some time.”
Rixus looked back at me, raising his lips into a smile.
His smile was so beautiful that my heart raced.
“When I collapsed because I couldn’t see, you saved me. And you promised me.”
“…What promise?”
“To be my bride like you are now.”
“Really? Were we pretty mature back then?”
“Ah, we were quite mature. Enough to promise each other’s future. Mhm…”
With a mischievous expression on his face, Rixus measured from around my thigh with his palm.
“Were we this tall?”
“!”
Did I promise to get married at such a young age?!
‘It’s obviously a fraudulent marriage.’
I looked at him with skeptical eyes.
“What did that little boy know when he proposed to me?”
“Oh, you must be pretty.”
“…….”
“When I could briefly see for a moment, I saw the girl who saved me.”
Rixus added that he kept the image of the face he saw at that time in his chest and cherished it dearly.
Day and night, he remembered that one pretty face.
That she was someone he would love for the rest of his life… The moment he saw it for the first time, he felt it.
The first love of the boy, burning like a fever, tormented him viciously and made him want her blindly, even as he became a teenager and a man.
She was the light of his life.
She was the one to love even in death.
He never forgot that simple and clear truth.
“We’re almost there, Candy.”
Rustle—
Rixus pushed the lush branch that was obscuring the view with a big hand, and proceeded.
Finally, the scenery came into my view.
“Ah…”
A low elasticity flowed from my mouth.
Countless stars shining beautifully like diamonds in the sky spread out like a black base.
Below that, a feast of brilliant light purple…
It was a lavender forest by the lakeside.
The soft, fragrant smell penetrated deep into my lungs and made my heart flutter.
‘Really pretty. So beautiful.’
Everywhere my eyes touched, I was moved.
My heart was thundering.
“You saw me here… for the first time?”
Instead of answering, Rixus looked at me and shifted his eyes. It was a boyish smile.
The two of us walked together through the lavender forest holding hands.
I could feel my pulse pounding in my hand.
The place I was walking in was as beautiful as a dream, so there was no sense of reality.
As much as I believed in Rixus and walked with him.
‘…Even if I touch him now, I’m not afraid at all.’
As I saw Rixus walking in front of me, I felt a new sense of wonder.
I trusted him so quickly, he seeped into my life, and I became dependent on him…
I must have loved him very much before I lost my memory.
Even if I forgot everything, the feelings of affection remained to the point my heart ached.
How precious he must have been to me now seemed vaguely familiar.
The two of us passed through the endless lavender forest and walked along the shore of the lake with countless stars and the bright moon above our heads.
The small hut we arrived at was already lit up.
“One moment.”
Rixus took off his coat and laid it on the floor.
We once again sat side by side in the hut.
We were both mature adults now.
The little children who didn’t even know if they could survive tomorrow were this big and remembered the old moments.
I spoke with the cozy hut in my eyes.
“You brought me here. I…”
“Yes. You fed me candy here too.”
Startled, my gaze turned to Rixus.
“…Maybe, that’s why you call me ‘Candy’?”
“Well.”
He answered with a grunt in his throat, neither ‘yes’ nor ‘no’. He wore a smiling face.
“So childish!”
“I was shocked because it was so sweet.”
“Candy?”
Rixus kissed the back of my hand and whispered softly.
“No, you.”
I could feel my cheeks reddening a little.
Rixus sat down and told a story that I had forgotten about in this hut.
About the children who spent their day here sharing hard bread, and sleeping together at night.
I listened to the story for a long time with shining eyes.
Then I suddenly said,
“Strange.”
“What?”
I looked at Rixus quietly.
A tall nose and a manly jawline.
Although he was sitting, his thick chest, broad shoulders, and physique that I felt made him an ‘adult man’ in itself.
His eyes were sharp and deep.
Rixus was so manly, it seemed like he was an adult from the moment he was born.
I couldn’t have imagined him being a boy.
“I mean, Rixus had a childhood… I felt like you must have been an adult since you were born.”
“What?”
Rixus let out a low laugh as if he had heard a really funny thing.
It wasn’t until I saw his playfully folded eyes that I vaguely guessed the boyhood of Rixus.
“……”
Then, suddenly, the bandage on the inside of his shirt caught my eye.
I slowly raised my hands and unfastened the buttons one by one.
Rixus stood still and watched what I was doing.
Tuk– Tuk–
The darkly stretched collar bone was the first to be seen, followed by the bandage on the chest that I wounded…
I felt my heart ache just looking at the bandage, and then I found a lumpy red scar on the inside of the bandage.
Then I slowly pulled back his shirt.
‘This…’
‘It’s a burn mark.’
I knew what the scar looked like.
Because I read the original.
The young Rixus who desperately clung to the nanny who tried to kill him.
Just imagining it made my heart hurt.
As if the traces of his loneliness and despair were engraved in my heart, my chest throbbed to the point that it was piercing.
‘I think I know why I saved you.’
He probably wouldn’t have been able to ignore it at all. just like me.
Maybe I just couldn’t turn a blind eye. He was just like me.
‘I’m sorry again.’
Not being able to remember his and our childhood.
The mixed feelings of regret and anxiety made me a little weak.
“What if I can’t find my memory again? …If I get my memory back, what if I lose it again?”
I lost it once, but there was no guarantee that it wouldn’t happen twice.
Rixus’ warm hand held mine.
“Don’t worry.”
He stroked my anxious cheek with a gentle hand.
“Even if you forget a thousand times, I will come back to you a thousand times.”
“….…”
My heart was pounding as if riding a wave.
After having lost my memory, I felt it for the first time— I wanted to kiss him.
It seemed he was thinking the same thing.
Rixus approached as if it was our first time.
Careful, bated breaths, the tingling and tickling sensation of lips rubbing against each other.
When the most sensitive and sweetest flesh touched each other, it felt like the heart would burst.
I suddenly wondered.
How much did I love you for my heart to be beating like this?
‘…Again, I want to feel it.’
‘I want to know why this kiss is so sweet and makes me cry. Rixus.’
