The Talk
Wow. I had almost forgotten how good that feels.
… that’s a lie, by the way. You will never forget it. It is just one of those things.
I was in the secret bedroom, laying on the bed next to Laura. Her bunny girl outfit had sadly gotten damaged during our time, so I had swapped it to a nice lingerie dress, black in color with some yellow highlights. Yellow just is the color for Laura. It just makes her look like the Sun.
As I was thinking that, I altered her clothing a bit more, focusing the yellow highlights, turning them into stars and the Sun. Then I altered the base color, adding some blues and purples to it, making it look even more like the night sky. Except that this night sky also has the gentle Sun, which won’t overpower everything else around it.
“Master, did you have fun?” She asked.
“... yes. I’ll always enjoy doing this with you.”
“Of course you will. I know you will. But that in itself is the reason why I took you here.”
“Yes?”
“Master, this isn’t real. None of this is actually real. We are just inside your head. You are basically just imagining this.”
“.... so what? Is that so wrong?”
“Yes, it is. You are escaping reality by entering this space. Myself, Tahlia and Fantasia. We are the problem.” Laura said. “By having us here, you prove that you are stuck. You are stuck in what you wanted to have, unable to accept what you can still have. You reject people that really care about you and instead focus on this false family.”
“You are my family!” I argued.
“No. We are your skills. Your system support. Your Storage. Your Different Dimension Factory. That is what the three of us are. While this space has given us the opportunity to interact in ways that shouldn’t be possible, it is doing more harm than good.”
“That’s not true!”
“But it is. There is nothing else to it. We aren’t real. Not real people. You can never really have a life with us. Not a life you deserve. Not a life worth living.”
“But… but…”
“Just think about it. What happens if you really decide to abandon the world and live here with us? What will happen?”
“...” What will happen? Nothing, right? I’ll just live here instead, right? What would be so wrong with that? This world doesn’t really accept me. I’m an abnormal. I shouldn’t be here. So would it be so wrong just to seal myself inside my skill and never go back? I don’t think so.
“I see you couldn’t come up with the correct answer.” Laura said, bringing me back to the here and now.
“... was there one?” I asked.
“Of course. I don’t ask open-ended questions.” Laura said. “If I’m to be honest, I don’t want to do this either. I want to keep you to myself. You are mine. You should spend the rest of your life here, with me.”
“Then let’s…”
“We can’t!” Laura interrupted. “It is simply not something we can do. Even if both of us wish for it, nothing can be done about it. That just is the law of this world. And this space.”
“Then we’ll change it. This is my skill, right? I can alter it however I want, can’t I?”
“Internally, yes. But externally, no. This skill, at the end of the day, is kept up by your body. And not the body you are in right now, but your real one.”
“... my real …”
“Ask yourself this. How do you feel right now?”
“... how do I…”
“I meant physically. How does your body feel?”
“... good. Perfect?” At least I think so. I don’t feel bad, or sick, or anything else. I just feel … normal.
“Exactly. Now, should you be feeling perfect, considering what we just did. Think back to the last time we did that. How did you feel back then?”
“... tired, I guess. Or maybe exhausted?”
“Drained would be a good word for it.” Laura offered.
“Maybe, but where are you going with this?”
“That isn’t your real body. Remember that. You can’t just think of it as one. It is just an avatar. I am just an avatar. Tahlia, Fantasia, both also just avatars. We Aren’t Real. We can never be real. And do you know why?”
“... but…”
“NO Buts! Do you know why?” Laura asked coercively.
“... I … I’m not sure. It feels real. This,” I said, waving my hand around to indicate the room we were in. “It all felt real. So why would it not be real?”
“Because we are just avatars.” Laura said. “As I said earlier, I would keep you here forever if I could, but I cannot.”
“Why? If you ask, I’ll stay here with you forever!” I argued.
“You just don’t get it. That ‘forever’, won’t be a long time.” Laura said.
“Of course it will be. Forever is forever.”
“No. Not in this case. Just think. What is keeping this space running?”
… this space? This is the Different Dimension Factory. Keeps this place running?
“... I don’t get it.” I admitted.
“Don’t you, or do you refuce to realize the reason?”
“I… I don’t know.”
“Then I shall spell it out for you. You are the one that keeps this place running.” Laura said.
“Then…”
“Then forever is still a limited time.” Laura interrupted me again. “Because when I say ‘you’ I don’t mean the you right there. I mean the real you. Your physical body. That you. So what do you think will happen to it if you just stay here forever?”
“... it will die, right?”
“Yes. And quite fast as well. Humans and other living beings are terrible at staying alive. They need a ton of maintenance every single day. Sustenance, fluids, general care. And the one important at this moment, social interactions. Including love, intimacy and reverence. I’m designed to give all of those to my Master. But not permanently. I’m nothing more than a temporary fix until you can find the people you can get those things from. At the end of the day, I’m not real. This isn’t real. This skill, it is nothing but what you want it to be. What you imagine it to be. It isn’t real, and it never will be real. You need to accept it. I’m not Laura. I might sound like her, look like her, even smell like her, but I am not her. She is not here. She left you. And even if she didn’t, you will never see her again. You need to accept that. And accept that other people are willing to take her spot by your side. There are people out there that love you. Adore you. And most of all, accept you for who you are. No matter how much of an anomaly you are, they accept you. Please, accept them.”
“Laura, I…”
“No. I know what you want. But this is the truth. And I can force you to accept it, if you won’t accept it otherwise. But please, do not make me use any more force than necessary.”
…
…
“Go back. She is waiting for you.” Laura said.
“... just one more thing. Please.” I quietly begged.
“As you wish. What is it?” She asked coldly.
“... am I really allowed to? … to love someone else? Like I love you?”
“Of course you are. You have enough love for ten people. A hundred people. Don’t dedicate all of it to someone you will never really see again. Let other people have some of it, even if it is just the smallest part. And let them give their love to you in return.”
“... thank you. I love you.” I said.
“... I know. I know you do.” Laura said before I disappeared from the factory.
“I love you too, Master.” She added, but no one was there to hear that.
“Welcome back.” Lua said, as I opened my eyes.
“... hey.” I said, barely getting the words out of my mouth.
“So, how are you feeling?”
“... I’m not sure. Empty, I think.”
“Well, an emptiness can be filled. Anything else?”
“I … I just… I guess I also feel good. In a way, I still want to say that wasn’t what I wanted. But at the same time … I don’t know.”
“You can’t always get what you want.” Lua said, as she sat down next to me. “We can just wish for the best. There are many things I once wanted, but now, I only really want one.”
“Well, can’t blame you for being greedy.” I joked, trying to lift my own mood more than anything.
“Someone might say I’m the most greedy. I want something I cannot get, unless a certain someone gives it to me.” As she said that, Lua took my hand into hers. “In a way, you could call that the ultimate form of greed.”
“... maybe. But even then, I would outdo you. … haah. I really am a fool, huh.”
“A fool or not, you are also someone I love. So please, would you give me a chance?” Lua asked, taking a tighter hold of my arm, as if to prevent me from running away.
…
I … what do I say. No? No, I can’t do that. I know I like her. Not just because of the ‘she saved my life’ reason. I’ve felt a certain level of affection for her ever since I really saw her face well, back when I cured her blood curse. I know I have. But I also was in a situation where I knew it would be wrong to attempt anything.
But now, it might be different. Laura said I could do it. … I just. Do I accept that I will never see the original again and accept what the imitation said? … No. I don’t want to call her an imitation. She is also Laura. She is just like her. They are the same. At least I think so. One was made using the memories I had of the other as a base, so they are the same. The same to me. And as she said, I won’t see her again, so she has the final say in things concerning her.
“... Lua? No, Lucia.” I turned so I could look her in the eyes. “Lucia, do you really want me? The me that was so bad to Laura that she left me with just a note as she left me all alone? The me that is so broken that I cannot accept what people tell me? The me that is so stupid and irresponsible that I keep getting into trouble all the time? The me that is so out of this world, that I think I’m here just to cope with my breakup? Is that the person you really love?”
“Yes.” She answered, with not even a hint of hesitation in her voice. “Because he is also the same person who would go out of his way to inform the people he knew that their town would be attacked and helped them beat the attacking monsters. Because he is the person who would ride a dragon through rain and thunder to find people lost and under attack. Because he is the person who didn’t care how dangerous it was to show he had the power to resurrect the dead, and just did it anyway. And because he is the person that cured not just me, but others I cared about from the curse that has plagued us for our entire lives. So I will ask you, do you think you are such a bad person really?”
“..... I don’t know. I guess it depends on who you ask.”
“You are doubting yourself again.” Lua said. “How can you be so sure of yourself when you face down powerful monsters, but you cannot be sure of yourself when it comes to simple things like your self worth? Where is the vigor you had when you completely destroyed an A-rank monster like it was nothing?”
“... I don’t know.” I admitted. “Wait? How did you even know about that?”
“Fia and Tia showed it to me.”
… really? They can do that now? … of course they can. Why could they not? They have that movie theater already playing my entire life to any of my monsters that want to watch, so why would Tahlia not record some, if not all, of it?
“... I guess it is just because I’m dumb. I’m dumb enough to not fear what I think I can take on. I probably should. But at the same time, that wasn’t the first time I took on a sword-horn bull, so I knew I could do it. That is my reasoning. When I fight something, I’ll just throw too much power at it. But that isn’t how this works. So I guess I’m afraid. Afraid that I put too much force into the relationship and it breaks like my last one. … at least I think so.”
“I see. I think I understand. But please do remember, I’m not weak. I won’t break that easily.” Lua tried to affirm me.
“This kind of breakage is not caused by physical strength, you know. If it was, I wouldn’t be this afraid. I know you are strong. You are stronger than I am. Just a quick look at our statuses proves that.”
“I know that.” Lua said. “Do you think I’ve been alone forever?”
“... you haven't, right? You had a party.”
“... Yes. But this goes further back. I once had friends. Different from what I now call a friend. I was still young at the time. Seven. I still lived in Sawyer city with my mom. I had a group of kids that played with me a little ways away from our home. … but then one of us got injured. It wasn’t a bad injury or anything. Just a minor cut which bled a bit. I just reacted to it, like mom had taught me. I used blood magic to prevent it from bleeding and had the others get help.
… but when they came back, the adults shunned me. I was blamed for what happened. The mother of the boy even hit me multiple times, saying I was going to turn his child into a monster, or suck him dry. None of my friends would ever do anything with me from that point on. They would run away, even just at the sight of me.
So I moved here. I lived with Father in the village. But still, this place never felt like home to me. I wanted to be there, where my once friends were. But they were not my friends anymore. I realized that when I spent a bit of time at my mom’s house and tried to reconnect with them. For them, I was a monster. Because that is what they were told. I showed them my powers and they saw me as nothing more than a monster.
… a few years later my mother got Mrs. Moon to agree to teach me water magic, so I moved to Alewatch. But even there, a lot of people looked at me like I was a monster. So I hid myself with a cloak and never showed my face to anyone. Until I was recognized for being the mage that I am. But even for that, I had to take the long trip to the capital with Mrs. Moon. There, I showed my skills to a great wizard, who then approved me as a witch. After that, I was no longer just the dhampir. I was a witch. And a witch is strong, so no one pokes the witch.
And still it felt like no one really trusted me. They looked at me like I might at any time suck them dry. Especially when Josh1 began teaching me more healing techniques and even allowed me to see patients with him. No one really trusted me. Other than my friends in my party. But that doesn’t matter. As long as I had them, I had enough. I once again had a place where I belonged.
And now, I feel like I belong next to you, Brian. So won’t you let me stay by your side, forever?”
“... I … yes. But forever is a really long time. So maybe we should just try for now. And if either of us doesn’t like it, we can go our separate ways after a good conversation. No disappearing because one of us is a monster, or because the other is a fool. If that is fine with you, then yes. Lucia, will you be my girlfriend?” I asked.
“Yes!” She said as she took me into a deep hug. “I love you.”
“... I … I like you too. I’m sorry that I can’t say it yet, but maybe if you give me a bit more time.”
“Of course. As long as you let me have a chance, I’ll wait.” Lua reassured me.
I just stood there, letting her embrace me for as long as she needed. Because honestly, I needed it as well, as I felt a few tears rolling down my face. I don’t know if they are tears of happiness or sadness, but I’ll accept them now. There is a time and place for everything, and now feels like a good time to let my tears roll, if they want to.
The Talk
Wow. I had almost forgotten how good that feels.
… that’s a lie, by the way. You will never forget it. It is just one of those things.
I was in the secret bedroom, laying on the bed next to Laura. Her bunny girl outfit had sadly gotten damaged during our time, so I had swapped it to a nice lingerie dress, black in color with some yellow highlights. Yellow just is the color for Laura. It just makes her look like the Sun.
As I was thinking that, I altered her clothing a bit more, focusing the yellow highlights, turning them into stars and the Sun. Then I altered the base color, adding some blues and purples to it, making it look even more like the night sky. Except that this night sky also has the gentle Sun, which won’t overpower everything else around it.
“Master, did you have fun?” She asked.
“... yes. I’ll always enjoy doing this with you.”
“Of course you will. I know you will. But that in itself is the reason why I took you here.”
“Yes?”
“Master, this isn’t real. None of this is actually real. We are just inside your head. You are basically just imagining this.”
“.... so what? Is that so wrong?”
“Yes, it is. You are escaping reality by entering this space. Myself, Tahlia and Fantasia. We are the problem.” Laura said. “By having us here, you prove that you are stuck. You are stuck in what you wanted to have, unable to accept what you can still have. You reject people that really care about you and instead focus on this false family.”
“You are my family!” I argued.
“No. We are your skills. Your system support. Your Storage. Your Different Dimension Factory. That is what the three of us are. While this space has given us the opportunity to interact in ways that shouldn’t be possible, it is doing more harm than good.”
“That’s not true!”
“But it is. There is nothing else to it. We aren’t real. Not real people. You can never really have a life with us. Not a life you deserve. Not a life worth living.”
“But… but…”
“Just think about it. What happens if you really decide to abandon the world and live here with us? What will happen?”
“...” What will happen? Nothing, right? I’ll just live here instead, right? What would be so wrong with that? This world doesn’t really accept me. I’m an abnormal. I shouldn’t be here. So would it be so wrong just to seal myself inside my skill and never go back? I don’t think so.
“I see you couldn’t come up with the correct answer.” Laura said, bringing me back to the here and now.
“... was there one?” I asked.
“Of course. I don’t ask open-ended questions.” Laura said. “If I’m to be honest, I don’t want to do this either. I want to keep you to myself. You are mine. You should spend the rest of your life here, with me.”
“Then let’s…”
“We can’t!” Laura interrupted. “It is simply not something we can do. Even if both of us wish for it, nothing can be done about it. That just is the law of this world. And this space.”
“Then we’ll change it. This is my skill, right? I can alter it however I want, can’t I?”
“Internally, yes. But externally, no. This skill, at the end of the day, is kept up by your body. And not the body you are in right now, but your real one.”
“... my real …”
“Ask yourself this. How do you feel right now?”
“... how do I…”
“I meant physically. How does your body feel?”
“... good. Perfect?” At least I think so. I don’t feel bad, or sick, or anything else. I just feel … normal.
“Exactly. Now, should you be feeling perfect, considering what we just did. Think back to the last time we did that. How did you feel back then?”
“... tired, I guess. Or maybe exhausted?”
“Drained would be a good word for it.” Laura offered.
“Maybe, but where are you going with this?”
“That isn’t your real body. Remember that. You can’t just think of it as one. It is just an avatar. I am just an avatar. Tahlia, Fantasia, both also just avatars. We Aren’t Real. We can never be real. And do you know why?”
“... but…”
“NO Buts! Do you know why?” Laura asked coercively.
“... I … I’m not sure. It feels real. This,” I said, waving my hand around to indicate the room we were in. “It all felt real. So why would it not be real?”
“Because we are just avatars.” Laura said. “As I said earlier, I would keep you here forever if I could, but I cannot.”
“Why? If you ask, I’ll stay here with you forever!” I argued.
“You just don’t get it. That ‘forever’, won’t be a long time.” Laura said.
“Of course it will be. Forever is forever.”
“No. Not in this case. Just think. What is keeping this space running?”
… this space? This is the Different Dimension Factory. Keeps this place running?
“... I don’t get it.” I admitted.
“Don’t you, or do you refuce to realize the reason?”
“I… I don’t know.”
“Then I shall spell it out for you. You are the one that keeps this place running.” Laura said.
“Then…”
“Then forever is still a limited time.” Laura interrupted me again. “Because when I say ‘you’ I don’t mean the you right there. I mean the real you. Your physical body. That you. So what do you think will happen to it if you just stay here forever?”
“... it will die, right?”
“Yes. And quite fast as well. Humans and other living beings are terrible at staying alive. They need a ton of maintenance every single day. Sustenance, fluids, general care. And the one important at this moment, social interactions. Including love, intimacy and reverence. I’m designed to give all of those to my Master. But not permanently. I’m nothing more than a temporary fix until you can find the people you can get those things from. At the end of the day, I’m not real. This isn’t real. This skill, it is nothing but what you want it to be. What you imagine it to be. It isn’t real, and it never will be real. You need to accept it. I’m not Laura. I might sound like her, look like her, even smell like her, but I am not her. She is not here. She left you. And even if she didn’t, you will never see her again. You need to accept that. And accept that other people are willing to take her spot by your side. There are people out there that love you. Adore you. And most of all, accept you for who you are. No matter how much of an anomaly you are, they accept you. Please, accept them.”
“Laura, I…”
“No. I know what you want. But this is the truth. And I can force you to accept it, if you won’t accept it otherwise. But please, do not make me use any more force than necessary.”
…
…
“Go back. She is waiting for you.” Laura said.
“... just one more thing. Please.” I quietly begged.
“As you wish. What is it?” She asked coldly.
“... am I really allowed to? … to love someone else? Like I love you?”
“Of course you are. You have enough love for ten people. A hundred people. Don’t dedicate all of it to someone you will never really see again. Let other people have some of it, even if it is just the smallest part. And let them give their love to you in return.”
“... thank you. I love you.” I said.
“... I know. I know you do.” Laura said before I disappeared from the factory.
“I love you too, Master.” She added, but no one was there to hear that.
“Welcome back.” Lua said, as I opened my eyes.
“... hey.” I said, barely getting the words out of my mouth.
“So, how are you feeling?”
“... I’m not sure. Empty, I think.”
“Well, an emptiness can be filled. Anything else?”
“I … I just… I guess I also feel good. In a way, I still want to say that wasn’t what I wanted. But at the same time … I don’t know.”
“You can’t always get what you want.” Lua said, as she sat down next to me. “We can just wish for the best. There are many things I once wanted, but now, I only really want one.”
“Well, can’t blame you for being greedy.” I joked, trying to lift my own mood more than anything.
“Someone might say I’m the most greedy. I want something I cannot get, unless a certain someone gives it to me.” As she said that, Lua took my hand into hers. “In a way, you could call that the ultimate form of greed.”
“... maybe. But even then, I would outdo you. … haah. I really am a fool, huh.”
“A fool or not, you are also someone I love. So please, would you give me a chance?” Lua asked, taking a tighter hold of my arm, as if to prevent me from running away.
…
I … what do I say. No? No, I can’t do that. I know I like her. Not just because of the ‘she saved my life’ reason. I’ve felt a certain level of affection for her ever since I really saw her face well, back when I cured her blood curse. I know I have. But I also was in a situation where I knew it would be wrong to attempt anything.
But now, it might be different. Laura said I could do it. … I just. Do I accept that I will never see the original again and accept what the imitation said? … No. I don’t want to call her an imitation. She is also Laura. She is just like her. They are the same. At least I think so. One was made using the memories I had of the other as a base, so they are the same. The same to me. And as she said, I won’t see her again, so she has the final say in things concerning her.
“... Lua? No, Lucia.” I turned so I could look her in the eyes. “Lucia, do you really want me? The me that was so bad to Laura that she left me with just a note as she left me all alone? The me that is so broken that I cannot accept what people tell me? The me that is so stupid and irresponsible that I keep getting into trouble all the time? The me that is so out of this world, that I think I’m here just to cope with my breakup? Is that the person you really love?”
“Yes.” She answered, with not even a hint of hesitation in her voice. “Because he is also the same person who would go out of his way to inform the people he knew that their town would be attacked and helped them beat the attacking monsters. Because he is the person who would ride a dragon through rain and thunder to find people lost and under attack. Because he is the person who didn’t care how dangerous it was to show he had the power to resurrect the dead, and just did it anyway. And because he is the person that cured not just me, but others I cared about from the curse that has plagued us for our entire lives. So I will ask you, do you think you are such a bad person really?”
“..... I don’t know. I guess it depends on who you ask.”
“You are doubting yourself again.” Lua said. “How can you be so sure of yourself when you face down powerful monsters, but you cannot be sure of yourself when it comes to simple things like your self worth? Where is the vigor you had when you completely destroyed an A-rank monster like it was nothing?”
“... I don’t know.” I admitted. “Wait? How did you even know about that?”
“Fia and Tia showed it to me.”
… really? They can do that now? … of course they can. Why could they not? They have that movie theater already playing my entire life to any of my monsters that want to watch, so why would Tahlia not record some, if not all, of it?
“... I guess it is just because I’m dumb. I’m dumb enough to not fear what I think I can take on. I probably should. But at the same time, that wasn’t the first time I took on a sword-horn bull, so I knew I could do it. That is my reasoning. When I fight something, I’ll just throw too much power at it. But that isn’t how this works. So I guess I’m afraid. Afraid that I put too much force into the relationship and it breaks like my last one. … at least I think so.”
“I see. I think I understand. But please do remember, I’m not weak. I won’t break that easily.” Lua tried to affirm me.
“This kind of breakage is not caused by physical strength, you know. If it was, I wouldn’t be this afraid. I know you are strong. You are stronger than I am. Just a quick look at our statuses proves that.”
“I know that.” Lua said. “Do you think I’ve been alone forever?”
“... you haven't, right? You had a party.”
“... Yes. But this goes further back. I once had friends. Different from what I now call a friend. I was still young at the time. Seven. I still lived in Sawyer city with my mom. I had a group of kids that played with me a little ways away from our home. … but then one of us got injured. It wasn’t a bad injury or anything. Just a minor cut which bled a bit. I just reacted to it, like mom had taught me. I used blood magic to prevent it from bleeding and had the others get help.
… but when they came back, the adults shunned me. I was blamed for what happened. The mother of the boy even hit me multiple times, saying I was going to turn his child into a monster, or suck him dry. None of my friends would ever do anything with me from that point on. They would run away, even just at the sight of me.
So I moved here. I lived with Father in the village. But still, this place never felt like home to me. I wanted to be there, where my once friends were. But they were not my friends anymore. I realized that when I spent a bit of time at my mom’s house and tried to reconnect with them. For them, I was a monster. Because that is what they were told. I showed them my powers and they saw me as nothing more than a monster.
… a few years later my mother got Mrs. Moon to agree to teach me water magic, so I moved to Alewatch. But even there, a lot of people looked at me like I was a monster. So I hid myself with a cloak and never showed my face to anyone. Until I was recognized for being the mage that I am. But even for that, I had to take the long trip to the capital with Mrs. Moon. There, I showed my skills to a great wizard, who then approved me as a witch. After that, I was no longer just the dhampir. I was a witch. And a witch is strong, so no one pokes the witch.
And still it felt like no one really trusted me. They looked at me like I might at any time suck them dry. Especially when Josh1 began teaching me more healing techniques and even allowed me to see patients with him. No one really trusted me. Other than my friends in my party. But that doesn’t matter. As long as I had them, I had enough. I once again had a place where I belonged.
And now, I feel like I belong next to you, Brian. So won’t you let me stay by your side, forever?”
“... I … yes. But forever is a really long time. So maybe we should just try for now. And if either of us doesn’t like it, we can go our separate ways after a good conversation. No disappearing because one of us is a monster, or because the other is a fool. If that is fine with you, then yes. Lucia, will you be my girlfriend?” I asked.
“Yes!” She said as she took me into a deep hug. “I love you.”
“... I … I like you too. I’m sorry that I can’t say it yet, but maybe if you give me a bit more time.”
“Of course. As long as you let me have a chance, I’ll wait.” Lua reassured me.
I just stood there, letting her embrace me for as long as she needed. Because honestly, I needed it as well, as I felt a few tears rolling down my face. I don’t know if they are tears of happiness or sadness, but I’ll accept them now. There is a time and place for everything, and now feels like a good time to let my tears roll, if they want to.
