“You asked me before what color the world was.”
“I told you it was gray, and it was also black.”
“But you said with a smile, that’s because you can’t see, so the world in your eyes is black. The world in my eyes is colorful.”
“I kept silent because you don’t think too much about things, and you don’t understand the meaning of black.”
“You thought that I didn’t believe you, so you pulled me to the stream and held my hand. Then, you reached into the water and said that this was a stream. It was different from tap water, and it tasted sweeter than tap water.”
“Then you pulled me to look at a Chao Yan flower. You held my hand and touched the petals. You said that the petals of the Chao Yan flower had an ombre effect. The top was red, and the bottom gradually turned white. Although the petals were very delicate, they were very strong. They bloomed in front of the rising sun.”
“I never told you my name. You thought it was because I didn’t have a name, so you gave me a name, Chao Yan, although he looked very delicate, he was very strong.”
“You also pulled me to the wind. You said that the summer wind carried heat, and people didn’t like it. In winter, you would also pull me to the wind. You would also say that the winter wind was bone-piercing and also people didn’t like it. If the wind in summer and the wind in winter could be exchanged, it would be perfect. But you also said that even humans can not be perfect, let alone the change of seasons, the change of solar terms, and the laws of nature.”
“What else do you want to see? I’ll take you to see them.”
Your laughter was pleasant. It was light, and it was also like the breeze in March, bring comfort to people.
“Baby, I want to see what you look like.”
More so how you looked like when you smiled.
“I’ll let you see when your eyes are better.”
“Some people say that I have a bun face. You need to mentally prepare yourself so that you won’t be shocked when the time comes.”
“I won’t.”
No matter what you look like, I won’t be shocked. I just want to see if your smile is as infectious as I imagined it to be.
“Why do you have to sit in the gazebo every day? It’s winter now, it’s very cold.”
“I’m just waiting to die.”
I was just waiting to die. When my family sent me here, I was already waiting.
“How old are you? How can you already talk about death?”
“I will also let them die together with me.”
This was also the reason why I had been waiting. If I died, none of them would be able to live.
I knew that the cold-blooded and merciless tone at that time had scared you. You didn’t speak for a long time.
I returned to the gazebo and continued to sit. I couldn’t see, but I could feel that you were still in a daze.
“Are they all not good to you? Is that why you hate them? If they are not good to you, ignore them and live a good life. You don’t even cherish your own life, so of course others won’t cherish it.”
This was the first time I heard someone say this to me.
Ever since I was born, everyone had cursed me to die early and said that if I didn’t die, I would kill them.
They said that I killed my mother when I was born, and then my wet nurse. The moment I opened my mouth, Grandpa died…
Later on, everything I said was treated as a prophecy because it came true.
Especially the Mu family, one of the five greatest families in the Earth’s imperial city. Because of my words, they disappeared overnight. At the same time, everyone was fearful.
Therefore, they started to panic and become afraid.
Because of this, they went to find a fortune teller to read my fortune who said that I wouldn’t live past 18 years old.
Therefore, when I was 14 years old, they sent me to a manor that had been idle for a long time and left me to fend for myself.
“Baby, I won’t live past 18 years old.”
They will die with me.
“You’re only a teenager. How can you say that you won’t live past 18 years old?”
“Then how long do you think I can live?”
“You’ll definitely live to be a hundred years old.”
“That’s too long.”
Just four years was already difficult for me, let alone a hundred years old?
“That’s because you always stay in this manor. You don’t have to worry about food and clothing. You don’t have any aspiration or goals. If you have goals that you work towards, and expectations about life, you’ll feel that you don’t have enough time.”
“We know martial arts. We can do something with this. How about becoming an assassin?”
A little girl said she wanted to be an assassin?
“Baby, do you dare to kill people?”
“Don’t look down on me. I’ve killed wolves before.”
“Wolves are different from humans, baby.”
“Then do you dare?”
“I dare.”
He could kill without batting an eye. What else could he dare not to do?
There’s nothing that he didn’t dare to do. It’s just a matter of whether he wanted to or not.
After that incident, she only came down after many days.
He thought that he scared her so much that she didn’t dare to come down.
“Chao Yan, during this period of time, I went out to train with master. I even met a pretty little boy. He’s my brother now.”
“This is the candy that he bought for me. I’ll give you some.”
Hearing your laughter, I realized that I wasn’t waiting for death every day. Instead, I was waiting for you to come and see me. I listened to your words, listened to your laughter, and felt the temperature of your palm.
It was as if the originally dark and gray world had started to have light. It shone through layers of dark fog. The dark corners gradually became warm because of the light. It was no longer cold.
There was a seed quietly emerging from the thick ash.
It was very delicate, and the light was making it grow strong.
He didn’t like to eat sugar, because no matter how sweet the sugar was, he couldn’t taste it.
The palm of your hand, filled with the sugar you gave, was of green apple flavor. You said, not all green apples were sour, but crisp with a little sweetness.
Candy was very sweet, and the degree of sweetness was different for everyone.
He remembered the first time she suddenly stuffed the candy in. He didn’t throw it away because he was afraid that she would cry when she saw it.
So he put the candy on the table. He didn’t intend to eat it. He wanted to wait for her to leave before he threw it away.
However, he forgot.
It wasn’t until she didn’t come for two days that he accidentally touched the candy on the short table. By a stroke of luck, he opened the candy wrapper. When the candy entered his mouth, the first thing he tasted was sour. The sour taste was very light. Gradually, it began to become sweet, it was very sweet.
This was the first time he tasted sweetness. His mood became a little better.
He began to expect her to visit him every day. Listening to her voice was a kind of enjoyment.
She always wanted to introduce him to her brothers, but he valued his alone time with her.
So, he gave her The Night whom he raised since childhood.
The Night was a black cat, small in size and liked to sleep.
She liked The Night, so she gave it a name, Madam.
The more time goes by, the more I am inseparable from you.
I think to myself, if you leave in the future, where can I find you?
I don’t even know what you look like.
So, while you sleep, I secretly open the gauze on my eyes, although it is in the gazebo, but the summer sun is still very strong, the moment the gauze is opened, I feel a burning pain.
But when I saw your appearance, although you were asleep, your facial features were very clear.
You said that others said you had a bun face, I agree. Both sides of your cheeks were bulging, and perhaps even your eyes were squeezed together.
However, what I saw was a small face with a little baby fat. It was pink and tender, with a little peachy collar. You also looked like a person carved out of jade.
Although your eyes were closed, they looked very big.
Perhaps it was because she was too hot in the summer. She turned over and her eyes were still open. However, she didn’t wake up. She fell asleep again within two seconds.
The moment she opened her eyes, it was as if I saw the stars in the night sky. They were sparkling and very beautiful.
I took out the cinnabar that I had prepared beforehand and placed a mole on your brow. This was a mark. I wasn’t afraid that I wouldn’t be able to find you in the future.
That night, my eyes started to become inflamed and swollen due to the light. After applying some medicine on them, I felt so uncomfortable that I didn’t sleep for the entire night.
However, I was very happy because when I saw your appearance, I would be able to imagine what you would look like when I saw you and talked to you in the future.
There was one time when your foot was injured and you said, “My foot was injured. Master allowed me to rest for a few days without practicing, so I came down to see you while they were practicing.”
“Let’s go out and play.”
“Your leg is injured.”
“It’s okay. I still want to play. At worst, I’ll just take it slow.”
Your leg was supposed to recover after a week of rest, but you dragged it out for a month.
I thought that you would accompany me until I turned 18, and that you would show a happy smile when you saw that I would not die.
However, that autumn when I turned 17, you promised to celebrate my birthday, but you did not come.
I sat in the gazebo and waited for a day and a night. I wasn’t angry, and I didn’t want a gift as long as you came.
I waited for three days. Because I had a cold and a fever, I lay in bed for two days. I still hadn’t recovered, so I continued to wait.
But you still didn’t come.
When winter came, it snowed heavily outside. The lake was covered with thick ice.
You said that you would come to skate again this winter.
Once you stood me up, twice you stood me up…
When spring came, flowers bloomed. You said that you would come to see the flowers, but you still didn’t come.
The seed in the darkness had already sprouted. It had also grown branches and leaves, and it had even bloomed flower buds.
In the absence of light, the remaining heat caused the flower buds to separate from each other and bloom.
Half of it was what you wanted to see, and the other half was what I was originally liked.
…
…
Qin Shu had not left her room for the past few days.
Yin Shi always brought food into her room. She would eat because not eating would only hurt her body.
She did not ask Yin Shi about Chao Yan, and Yin Shi did not say anything either. He only cared about delivering food.
Chao Yan had been in a coma for the past few days.
Yin Shi felt that he had been ruthless, which was why his master had not woken up.
Three days later, it was another rainy day.
Chao Yan suddenly woke up.
Yin Shi had been guarding the bedside, so he would know if Chao Yan woke up.
“Master, you’re finally awake.”
Chao Yan sat up on the bed with Yin Shi’s help. “How long have I slept?”
He had just woken up, and his voice was a little hoarse.
Yin Shi said, “It’s been three days. Master, are you hungry? I’ll prepare some plain porridge for you.”
“Mm,” Chao Yan replied. He did not expect to sleep for so long.
Yin Shi was very fast in getting things done. Not long after, he brought over a bowl of plain porridge.
Chao Yan also finished washing up and sat in front of the table. He smelled the fragrance of the millet porridge, but he had no appetite at all.
He still took a spoon and scooped a mouthful of porridge into his mouth. As if he remembered something, he asked, “Why did I suddenly faint?”
Yin Shi looked up at Chao Yan and realized that his master did not seem to remember what happened three days ago. He hesitated and said, “I was the one who knocked you out.”
Chao Yan raised his head and asked in a puzzled voice, “Why?”
Seeing that his master was not angry, Yin Shi said, “Because I was afraid that you would do something you would regret, so I took the initiative to knock you out.”
Do something he would regret?
Chao Yan lowered his head and continued to eat the millet porridge in his bowl. He did not ask any more questions.
…
After not going out for three days in a row, Qin Shu went from being annoyed at first to calmly reading a book because reading could kill time.
It was raining outside, and the cold wind blew in from the window. She felt a little cold.
She turned her head to look. The flowers on the balcony railing had already bloomed several times. The purple flowers had bloomed all over the railing. It was very beautiful.
She stood up and walked to the balcony. She looked at Chao Yan’s flowers in the rain, which were getting more and more beautiful. When the wind blew, Chao Yan’s flowers swayed a little pitifully.
She was about to close the window when she saw a white figure holding an oil-paper umbrella walking towards her in the rain.
He walked very slowly because she could not see him.
She closed the window, turned around, and walked to the door. She closed the door and locked it.
Only then did she sit back in front of the desk, pick up the book, and continue reading.
Chao Yan slowly walked to the door, put away the umbrella, and leaned against the wall. He reached out to the door and pushed it, but he couldn’t open it. He had to knock on the door a few times.
“Knock, Knock…”
Qin Shu heard the knocking on the door, but she didn’t pay attention. She lowered her head and continued reading.
Chao Yan waited for a while. Seeing that the door wasn’t open, he raised his hand and knocked on the door a few more times. “Knock, Knock…”
Still, no one came to open the door.
Chao Yan waited for a while more. Seeing that Qin Shu did not come to open the door, he guessed that she did not want to see him.
“Baby, open the door. I have something to say to you.”
Qin Shu reached out her slender fingers and flipped a page. In the quiet room, the sound of paper flipping was exceptionally loud. She lowered her eyes and continued to look, as if she did not hear Chao Yan’s low voice.
Seeing that Qin Shu still ignored him and did not open the door, Chao Yan thought that she must have really hated him.
He did not give up and raised his hand to knock on the door again. “Baby, I was wrong. Can you open the door?”
This time, Qin Shu seemed to have made up her mind not to see him. She turned a deaf ear to the knocking and his apology.
Chao Yan waited at the door for a while. Seeing that she did not open the door, he could only turn around and leave.
He did not really leave. Instead, he came to the balcony.
This place was built by someone he had hired. The blueprints were also designed by him, so he was very familiar with the houses here.
Qin Shu waited for a while but did not hear the knock on the door. She turned around to look at the locked door, but there was no movement. Thinking that Chao Yan had left, she retracted her gaze. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a person standing on the balcony. It was a white figure.
She turned her head to look at the balcony and saw Chao Yan standing there, soaking wet.
“You asked me before what color the world was.”
“I told you it was gray, and it was also black.”
“But you said with a smile, that’s because you can’t see, so the world in your eyes is black. The world in my eyes is colorful.”
“I kept silent because you don’t think too much about things, and you don’t understand the meaning of black.”
“You thought that I didn’t believe you, so you pulled me to the stream and held my hand. Then, you reached into the water and said that this was a stream. It was different from tap water, and it tasted sweeter than tap water.”
“Then you pulled me to look at a Chao Yan flower. You held my hand and touched the petals. You said that the petals of the Chao Yan flower had an ombre effect. The top was red, and the bottom gradually turned white. Although the petals were very delicate, they were very strong. They bloomed in front of the rising sun.”
“I never told you my name. You thought it was because I didn’t have a name, so you gave me a name, Chao Yan, although he looked very delicate, he was very strong.”
“You also pulled me to the wind. You said that the summer wind carried heat, and people didn’t like it. In winter, you would also pull me to the wind. You would also say that the winter wind was bone-piercing and also people didn’t like it. If the wind in summer and the wind in winter could be exchanged, it would be perfect. But you also said that even humans can not be perfect, let alone the change of seasons, the change of solar terms, and the laws of nature.”
“What else do you want to see? I’ll take you to see them.”
Your laughter was pleasant. It was light, and it was also like the breeze in March, bring comfort to people.
“Baby, I want to see what you look like.”
More so how you looked like when you smiled.
“I’ll let you see when your eyes are better.”
“Some people say that I have a bun face. You need to mentally prepare yourself so that you won’t be shocked when the time comes.”
“I won’t.”
No matter what you look like, I won’t be shocked. I just want to see if your smile is as infectious as I imagined it to be.
“Why do you have to sit in the gazebo every day? It’s winter now, it’s very cold.”
“I’m just waiting to die.”
I was just waiting to die. When my family sent me here, I was already waiting.
“How old are you? How can you already talk about death?”
“I will also let them die together with me.”
This was also the reason why I had been waiting. If I died, none of them would be able to live.
I knew that the cold-blooded and merciless tone at that time had scared you. You didn’t speak for a long time.
I returned to the gazebo and continued to sit. I couldn’t see, but I could feel that you were still in a daze.
“Are they all not good to you? Is that why you hate them? If they are not good to you, ignore them and live a good life. You don’t even cherish your own life, so of course others won’t cherish it.”
This was the first time I heard someone say this to me.
Ever since I was born, everyone had cursed me to die early and said that if I didn’t die, I would kill them.
They said that I killed my mother when I was born, and then my wet nurse. The moment I opened my mouth, Grandpa died…
Later on, everything I said was treated as a prophecy because it came true.
Especially the Mu family, one of the five greatest families in the Earth’s imperial city. Because of my words, they disappeared overnight. At the same time, everyone was fearful.
Therefore, they started to panic and become afraid.
Because of this, they went to find a fortune teller to read my fortune who said that I wouldn’t live past 18 years old.
Therefore, when I was 14 years old, they sent me to a manor that had been idle for a long time and left me to fend for myself.
“Baby, I won’t live past 18 years old.”
They will die with me.
“You’re only a teenager. How can you say that you won’t live past 18 years old?”
“Then how long do you think I can live?”
“You’ll definitely live to be a hundred years old.”
“That’s too long.”
Just four years was already difficult for me, let alone a hundred years old?
“That’s because you always stay in this manor. You don’t have to worry about food and clothing. You don’t have any aspiration or goals. If you have goals that you work towards, and expectations about life, you’ll feel that you don’t have enough time.”
“We know martial arts. We can do something with this. How about becoming an assassin?”
A little girl said she wanted to be an assassin?
“Baby, do you dare to kill people?”
“Don’t look down on me. I’ve killed wolves before.”
“Wolves are different from humans, baby.”
“Then do you dare?”
“I dare.”
He could kill without batting an eye. What else could he dare not to do?
There’s nothing that he didn’t dare to do. It’s just a matter of whether he wanted to or not.
After that incident, she only came down after many days.
He thought that he scared her so much that she didn’t dare to come down.
“Chao Yan, during this period of time, I went out to train with master. I even met a pretty little boy. He’s my brother now.”
“This is the candy that he bought for me. I’ll give you some.”
Hearing your laughter, I realized that I wasn’t waiting for death every day. Instead, I was waiting for you to come and see me. I listened to your words, listened to your laughter, and felt the temperature of your palm.
It was as if the originally dark and gray world had started to have light. It shone through layers of dark fog. The dark corners gradually became warm because of the light. It was no longer cold.
There was a seed quietly emerging from the thick ash.
It was very delicate, and the light was making it grow strong.
He didn’t like to eat sugar, because no matter how sweet the sugar was, he couldn’t taste it.
The palm of your hand, filled with the sugar you gave, was of green apple flavor. You said, not all green apples were sour, but crisp with a little sweetness.
Candy was very sweet, and the degree of sweetness was different for everyone.
He remembered the first time she suddenly stuffed the candy in. He didn’t throw it away because he was afraid that she would cry when she saw it.
So he put the candy on the table. He didn’t intend to eat it. He wanted to wait for her to leave before he threw it away.
However, he forgot.
It wasn’t until she didn’t come for two days that he accidentally touched the candy on the short table. By a stroke of luck, he opened the candy wrapper. When the candy entered his mouth, the first thing he tasted was sour. The sour taste was very light. Gradually, it began to become sweet, it was very sweet.
This was the first time he tasted sweetness. His mood became a little better.
He began to expect her to visit him every day. Listening to her voice was a kind of enjoyment.
She always wanted to introduce him to her brothers, but he valued his alone time with her.
So, he gave her The Night whom he raised since childhood.
The Night was a black cat, small in size and liked to sleep.
She liked The Night, so she gave it a name, Madam.
The more time goes by, the more I am inseparable from you.
I think to myself, if you leave in the future, where can I find you?
I don’t even know what you look like.
So, while you sleep, I secretly open the gauze on my eyes, although it is in the gazebo, but the summer sun is still very strong, the moment the gauze is opened, I feel a burning pain.
But when I saw your appearance, although you were asleep, your facial features were very clear.
You said that others said you had a bun face, I agree. Both sides of your cheeks were bulging, and perhaps even your eyes were squeezed together.
However, what I saw was a small face with a little baby fat. It was pink and tender, with a little peachy collar. You also looked like a person carved out of jade.
Although your eyes were closed, they looked very big.
Perhaps it was because she was too hot in the summer. She turned over and her eyes were still open. However, she didn’t wake up. She fell asleep again within two seconds.
The moment she opened her eyes, it was as if I saw the stars in the night sky. They were sparkling and very beautiful.
I took out the cinnabar that I had prepared beforehand and placed a mole on your brow. This was a mark. I wasn’t afraid that I wouldn’t be able to find you in the future.
That night, my eyes started to become inflamed and swollen due to the light. After applying some medicine on them, I felt so uncomfortable that I didn’t sleep for the entire night.
However, I was very happy because when I saw your appearance, I would be able to imagine what you would look like when I saw you and talked to you in the future.
There was one time when your foot was injured and you said, “My foot was injured. Master allowed me to rest for a few days without practicing, so I came down to see you while they were practicing.”
“Let’s go out and play.”
“Your leg is injured.”
“It’s okay. I still want to play. At worst, I’ll just take it slow.”
Your leg was supposed to recover after a week of rest, but you dragged it out for a month.
I thought that you would accompany me until I turned 18, and that you would show a happy smile when you saw that I would not die.
However, that autumn when I turned 17, you promised to celebrate my birthday, but you did not come.
I sat in the gazebo and waited for a day and a night. I wasn’t angry, and I didn’t want a gift as long as you came.
I waited for three days. Because I had a cold and a fever, I lay in bed for two days. I still hadn’t recovered, so I continued to wait.
But you still didn’t come.
When winter came, it snowed heavily outside. The lake was covered with thick ice.
You said that you would come to skate again this winter.
Once you stood me up, twice you stood me up…
When spring came, flowers bloomed. You said that you would come to see the flowers, but you still didn’t come.
The seed in the darkness had already sprouted. It had also grown branches and leaves, and it had even bloomed flower buds.
In the absence of light, the remaining heat caused the flower buds to separate from each other and bloom.
Half of it was what you wanted to see, and the other half was what I was originally liked.
…
…
Qin Shu had not left her room for the past few days.
Yin Shi always brought food into her room. She would eat because not eating would only hurt her body.
She did not ask Yin Shi about Chao Yan, and Yin Shi did not say anything either. He only cared about delivering food.
Chao Yan had been in a coma for the past few days.
Yin Shi felt that he had been ruthless, which was why his master had not woken up.
Three days later, it was another rainy day.
Chao Yan suddenly woke up.
Yin Shi had been guarding the bedside, so he would know if Chao Yan woke up.
“Master, you’re finally awake.”
Chao Yan sat up on the bed with Yin Shi’s help. “How long have I slept?”
He had just woken up, and his voice was a little hoarse.
Yin Shi said, “It’s been three days. Master, are you hungry? I’ll prepare some plain porridge for you.”
“Mm,” Chao Yan replied. He did not expect to sleep for so long.
Yin Shi was very fast in getting things done. Not long after, he brought over a bowl of plain porridge.
Chao Yan also finished washing up and sat in front of the table. He smelled the fragrance of the millet porridge, but he had no appetite at all.
He still took a spoon and scooped a mouthful of porridge into his mouth. As if he remembered something, he asked, “Why did I suddenly faint?”
Yin Shi looked up at Chao Yan and realized that his master did not seem to remember what happened three days ago. He hesitated and said, “I was the one who knocked you out.”
Chao Yan raised his head and asked in a puzzled voice, “Why?”
Seeing that his master was not angry, Yin Shi said, “Because I was afraid that you would do something you would regret, so I took the initiative to knock you out.”
Do something he would regret?
Chao Yan lowered his head and continued to eat the millet porridge in his bowl. He did not ask any more questions.
…
After not going out for three days in a row, Qin Shu went from being annoyed at first to calmly reading a book because reading could kill time.
It was raining outside, and the cold wind blew in from the window. She felt a little cold.
She turned her head to look. The flowers on the balcony railing had already bloomed several times. The purple flowers had bloomed all over the railing. It was very beautiful.
She stood up and walked to the balcony. She looked at Chao Yan’s flowers in the rain, which were getting more and more beautiful. When the wind blew, Chao Yan’s flowers swayed a little pitifully.
She was about to close the window when she saw a white figure holding an oil-paper umbrella walking towards her in the rain.
He walked very slowly because she could not see him.
She closed the window, turned around, and walked to the door. She closed the door and locked it.
Only then did she sit back in front of the desk, pick up the book, and continue reading.
Chao Yan slowly walked to the door, put away the umbrella, and leaned against the wall. He reached out to the door and pushed it, but he couldn’t open it. He had to knock on the door a few times.
“Knock, Knock…”
Qin Shu heard the knocking on the door, but she didn’t pay attention. She lowered her head and continued reading.
Chao Yan waited for a while. Seeing that the door wasn’t open, he raised his hand and knocked on the door a few more times. “Knock, Knock…”
Still, no one came to open the door.
Chao Yan waited for a while more. Seeing that Qin Shu did not come to open the door, he guessed that she did not want to see him.
“Baby, open the door. I have something to say to you.”
Qin Shu reached out her slender fingers and flipped a page. In the quiet room, the sound of paper flipping was exceptionally loud. She lowered her eyes and continued to look, as if she did not hear Chao Yan’s low voice.
Seeing that Qin Shu still ignored him and did not open the door, Chao Yan thought that she must have really hated him.
He did not give up and raised his hand to knock on the door again. “Baby, I was wrong. Can you open the door?”
This time, Qin Shu seemed to have made up her mind not to see him. She turned a deaf ear to the knocking and his apology.
Chao Yan waited at the door for a while. Seeing that she did not open the door, he could only turn around and leave.
He did not really leave. Instead, he came to the balcony.
This place was built by someone he had hired. The blueprints were also designed by him, so he was very familiar with the houses here.
Qin Shu waited for a while but did not hear the knock on the door. She turned around to look at the locked door, but there was no movement. Thinking that Chao Yan had left, she retracted her gaze. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a person standing on the balcony. It was a white figure.
She turned her head to look at the balcony and saw Chao Yan standing there, soaking wet.
