At the age of eight -
The door of the house opened.
"Dr. Tse, good morning. Dad asked me to come and say hello to you. He wanted me to talk to you more."
Pretending to be well behaved, but also somewhat genuinely clueless, he just stood in the doorway of the guest room with the endless summer pattern carved into it and bowed towards the young medical student sitting at his desk.
The doctor turned back to him and looked at him lightly, "Come in and sit down."
And then, at the age of ten...
He ran through the long corridor, a special lab slip in his hand.
"Thank you doctor, thank you doctor."
The door opened again, pushed open by the boy.
Xie Qingcheng stood by the window pane, reading an Ode to a Nightingale, the boy's noise made him frown, and in the light of the sky and the flowers, Xie Qingcheng said to him, "How many times did you have to knock before entering the house?"
"My indicators are almost normal this time! I'm getting better!" He couldn't help his excitement, and there was a fine sweat running down his face, "Look, doctor, look."
"If you keep getting so emotional, you're going to get worse again."
Xie Qingcheng closes the book of poems, his face is very light, but he beckons him casually, "Come in. Show it to me."
And then, at the age of fourteen -
It was gloomy outside, and he stood in front of the big, heavy door for a long time, then he knocked.
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The door of the house opened once more.
At a glance, the young man noticed that the house had become very cold and that Xie Qingcheng's luggage had already been packed.
The answer is whatever is already clear.
But still, like a dying patient trying to claim life, he asked him reluctantly, "Is it true what my mother said?"
"......"
The empty wardrobe, the clean desk, the suitcase in the corner, all the still life answered him silently.
But he only looked at Xie Qingcheng and asked again, stubbornly, aggressively, full of pride, yet humble to the core, "Is it true what she said?"
Xie Qingcheng, an ironed jacket on his hand, sighed and said, "Come in first. Come in and talk."
Finally, or at the age of fourteen -
Shortly after Xie Qingcheng's departure, He Yu was leaving the country too. Before he left, he came alone to the door of the closed guest room, where the boy's hair was a little dishevelled, covering his eyes in tiny bits.
He stood in silence for a long time with his head bowed, then finally he raised his hand and knocked on Xie Qingcheng's door.
Over and over again.
There was a creak and the door opened.
He Yu's heart lifted and he looked in expectantly, but there was nothing inside - the wind had blown the door open.
The guest room is dim, and inside it looks like an empty, decaying grave, like a cooling phantom dream.
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The only proof that Xie Qingcheng had been here was the last book he had left He Yu on rare diseases of the world, which he had left on the table by the window.
To He Yu.
One day, little one, you will come out of the shadows inside on your own.
I wish that I could believe in that.
Xie Qingcheng
Gift
The young man raised his hand to touch the coldly written words, trying to draw from them a little remnant of the tenderness that might allow him to part with him and forget him forever.
Yet He Yu never admitted it, and in many subsequent dreams, on the banks of the Thames, on the beaches of Sicily, in the cold and misty Danish polar nights, in the brilliantly warm Spanish summers.
He dreamed of Hu Zhou's old villa from his pillow, of the long, thickly carpeted corridors.
Dreaming of the wooden doors carved with endless summer dark patterns.
Then he dreamed that he knocked on the door, again, and again, sounding helpless and desperate - until the clock struck twelve, and in the dream he used to save himself, he dreamed that the heavy door was once more opened from the inside.
Xie Qingcheng stood in the guest room, as indifferent as He Yu had been any time he needed him as a child, yet so reliable, like the best big brother in the world, the strongest man, the most clinging, inseparable doctor-
The man looked at him from top to bottom as if nothing had happened in between.
Only a faint inclination of the head, as before, and the words, "It's you, kid."
"Well, come in and sit down."
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--
"Come in and sit down."
"The Kid ......"
But recently everything has changed. Lately, even in late night dreams, He Yu opens the door and there is no one inside.
He could never go back to the corridor before he was fourteen and could not push the door that was full of light.
Heart suddenly hurts so badly ......
So much so that He Yu woke up with a start...
He woke up to find himself lying in his bedroom bed.
The front of his forehead was wrapped in gauze, as were his wrists and ankles.
The curtains are drawn in the bedroom and the AI stereo is playing the news at one point or another.
"The video serial murder case that shocked the nation in Shanghai University ...... police revealed ...... it was revenge murder and police found evidence of her acquisition of hacking equipment among the belongings of Lu Yuzhu, one of the Lu Yuzhu, one of the suspects in the case, was a former county secretary of Qingli County and was the first local girl to go to university. Lu Yuzhu studied computer information security as her major back then, and police suspect ......"
The sound is intermittent because of the weak Bluetooth signal.
"The other suspect, Jiang Liping, is currently at large ...... Both had inappropriate relationships with the victims ...... Perhaps ...... Cheng Kang Psychiatric ...... They were both inspired by the Jiang Lanpei killings and wanted to create a horrific atmosphere similar to the rumoured 'Jiang Lanpei ghosts' ...... but it doesn't rule out that the two knew there was a deeper connection to the Jiang Lanpei incident ......"
The soundbox talks about Jiang Liping on the run.
He Yu lies in bed, his heart slowly calming down.
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The door in the dream disappears.
He remembered his accidental fall down the stairs.
He didn't move. There was no reaction.
He was alive. ...... He didn't feel much of a surprise either. He just listened so woodenly, with one thing or another. There was a lot of follow up on the story, bizarre homicides were traffic codes, and all sorts of hunches were going on.
He Yu had been quite concerned about this before, but at this moment when he woke up from his coma and heard it on the radio, he just felt numb...
What does it have to do with him.
Nothing in this world has anything to do with him.
Suddenly, a voice came from beside the bed, " He Yu: you are awake?"
He Yu moved his head, only now realising that Lv Zhishu was actually there.
She had returned and was sitting worriedly by his bedside when she saw him open his eyes and said, "Before you-"
After a few seconds of silence.
He Yu opened his mouth, his voice raspy with first awakening, "I know what happened before."
He said this with a certain look of surprise at her presence before he said woodenly, "I told you to leave me alone, but you always stay at Hu Zhou."
Lv Zhishu did not get the warmth she expected from the meeting of mother and son, and He Yu was not grateful for her bedside manner.
She didn't expect him to wake up with such a tone of voice and stiffened, "You, how do you talk to your mother like that, you boy?"
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"And how do you want me to speak to you? A mouthful of honorifics? I'm not in the mood for that. Am I sick? I'm only pretending to be gentle and modest to you, this is my real face, can't take it anymore? If you can't stand it, go back to Yan Zhou and find He Li, don't hang around in front of me all day."
Lv Zhishu was furious, she was wearing a black lace see-through dress today, but she was too plump and trembling from He Yu's anger, she looked like a trembling fat spider: "...... mum knows that mum left you out in the past, but you didn't have to ...... you're not too ......"
"I hope you will continue to treat me coldly." He Yu's eyes were cold, "I'm used to it, do you understand?"
"......"
"Please get out."
Lv Zhishu was about to say something else when He Yu's eyes had become somewhat ghastly.
"Get out."
She stumbled a little and walked out anyway.
He Jiwei had also returned, and Lv Zhishu met him in the living room as he came downstairs.
He Jiwei did not expect to be greeted by a wife who was so angry with her son that she burst into tears when she entered.
Lv Zhishu hadn't been this weak in front of him for a long time.
She walked downstairs, sat down on the sofa, drew some tissues, wiped her tears and twisted her head without looking at He Jiwei.
He Jiwei: "...... Did you have a fight with him?"
"He's just woken up. I wanted to have a good talk with him, I wanted to get him another private doctor, I've seen him on too many medications lately, and you know there's nothing chemically that can control his mental state if this medicine eventually wears off." Lv Zhishu sniffled, still not turning her head, staring at a corner of the coffee table as if it held some deep grudge against her.
"I'm also kind and I care about him. I'm his own mother, can I harm him?"
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He Jiwei: "......"
"But he just wouldn't listen, he was so hostile to me." Lv Zhishu draws on a few more tissues and twists her nose loudly, not that she was like this when she was younger.
"Lao He, help me persuade him."
Lv Zhishu again shed tears.
"I am really aggrieved ...... you say, you say that I have paid so much for him, he does not even know that I am for him I have become this way ...... he treats me like this, how hard is it for my heart? I really am too aggrieved."
She said, burying her face in her thick, short, fat palm.
"I'm a mother, too. ......"
Family relations in the He family are actually very subtle, twisted and odd. Not at all the kind of atmosphere a normal family should have.
He Jiwei looked at Lv Zhishu for a moment and said with a sober face, "I'll go up and have a talk with him."
He Jiwei then went upstairs to He Yu's bedroom.
When father and son rarely see each other, and the black-haired man is in bed, the next moment will probably be a scene of a father in tears, choking back tears of remorse. And yet -
"Snap!"
He Jiwei, unlike Lv Zhishu, was usually serious and reasonable, but at this moment he was a bit tense and went up to him and snapped at him, "He Yu, have you learned to seek death?"
He Yu Sheng received the slap, but his face didn't have any ripples between his eyes, except that his face was deflected by the blow, and when he looked back, there were faint traces of blood at the corner of his mouth.
He Yu then stained with blood and smiled, "My goodness, how come you're back too. I'm not at the point where I need you both to attend my funeral together either."
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"What a jerk you are talking about!"
"What are you doing backwards."
"......"
He Yu's gaze fell on He Jiwei's leather shoes, and as the teenager's indistinguishable smile widened, he saw He Jiwei undoubtedly take a step back.
He moved himself slightly and his gaze moved back to the ceiling.
Still smiling faintly, "Don't be afraid. I'm not already well tied up by you guys."
He Jiwei and Lv Zhishu hid the fact that he was sick from everyone but themselves. Although He Yu has never hurt anyone or an animal in public, almost all the doctors judge him on a scale of violence similar to that of a psychopathic killer.
He Jiwei's cheeks puffed up and he said half-heartedly, "It's for your own good."
He Yu moved casually in his restraint belt and smiled, "Thank you."
He Jiwei: "When did ......'s condition deteriorate so badly and not say so?"
"I seem to be a nervous wreck," He Yu rambled, "what do you expect me to say?"
"He Yu: if this continues you will have to be sent to a hospital for mandatory isolation." He Jiwei lowered his voice, his eyes a little complicated, "Do you want to lose your freedom? To be locked up like an animal? Your mother and I have kept you hidden for so long so that you could be as normal as possible-"
"It is to be able to keep the He family running as normally as possible and to have a long and prosperous life." He Yu gazed up at the ceiling and smiled lightly.
He Jiwei fell steeply silent as if his vocal cords had been cut.
"Instead of becoming the talk of the town one day, what with the He family's eldest son, who looks so polished and good in character, turning out to be a madman. He's hiding it so well. It turns out the He family is so rotten - or in medicine, they can't even cure their own illnesses."
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He turned his head, his hands and feet bound, but he spoke with a smile and an air of terror: "Am I right? Papa?"
He Jiwei's face was ashen, his expression angry, but in that anger there seemed to be a hint of guilt for He Yu after all.
He Yu cannot see, his eyes are empty.
"When you found out I was sick after you gave birth to me, you just strangled me to death. Why did you keep me? You were in fear and trembling all day long, and I was a walking corpse every day.
"He Yu ......"
"Go away, I'm not used to having you here, I'm madder, I can't hide in the future, I'm afraid I'll lose your face."
He Jiwei seems to want to say something soft, but the number of times he meets his eldest son is so shabby, and he is so powerful, so used to giving orders, that softness is far more difficult for him than hardness.
"......"
He Yu turned his face sideways on the bed, not wanting to look at his old man.
The house was awfully quiet.
And in this silence, He Jiwei's eyes slowly change from anger to guilt, from guilt to grief, and from grief to peace.
He began to regret the slap he had just given He Yu upon entering the door.
He was really not in control at that moment.
He knew about He Yu's fall - although the floor was not high.
He saw how embarrassed Lv Zhishu was by He Yu.
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The exhaustion and anger, the fear and anxiety of that moment were most real, wrapped in his hand, which drew uncontrollably on He Yu's face.
He hadn't accompanied He Yu much, but he really hadn't beaten him either, and this was a first.
No matter how little he treated He Yu, they were still father and son, and it would be a lie to say that he was not angry when he saw how crazy He Yu had become and did not say anything.
He couldn't stand it at the moment.
Pull up a chair and sit down next to He Yu's bed.
The father bowed his head, said nothing, seemed to want to say nothing to him, just checked He Yu's injuries and then -
"Click."
A soft sound.
He Jiwei unties his restraint belt.
"......" He Yu opened his eyes.
He Jiwei didn't speak again for a long time after releasing his straps.
The father and son looked at each other in terrible silence.
He Jiwei has not set foot in this bedroom for a long time, and in this silence he shifts his eyes, looking around, before finally settling on the empty head of He Yu's bed.
He was determined to speak, his tone seemed tired, but it was no longer so harsh and insensitive: "...... He Yu . I remember that there was originally a picture of the three of us together on your bedside table."
"That's still a picture of you when you were four, I think, and we took it together in Yellowstone ......"
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He Yu also opened his mouth, his tone still cold, but at least he answered back, "I've lost that photo for ten years."
"......"
The room in the cottage, which was obviously so exquisitely decorated, was as cold as an ice cellar at this moment.
He Jiwei sighed and tried to knock a cigarette out for a smoke.
He Yu said, "I don't like second-hand smoke. If you want to smoke, then go out and smoke."
"......" He Jiwei coughed and took his cigarette back sarcastically, "I'm not a heavy smoker. Don't smoke anymore. What happened just now ...... was my bad, I got excited."
"He Yu: let me stay here with you for a while."
If this statement had been made ten years ago, He Yu would have had a soft spot in his heart.
Fifteen years ago, He Yu would have cried.
But now, after all, it is a little too late. He Yu's heart is already thickly calloused, and this meagre gentleness only makes him feel his heart being disturbed without sensing any bright emotions.
He Jiwei was quiet for a while before he said, "I know that you have resented us over the years, and that we have spent too little time with you since your brother came into this world.
My father whispered as he played with the unlit cigarette.
"That's not really neglect." He Yu said lightly, "It seems more apt to say disgusted."
He Jiwei's hand shook for a moment.
He also noticed that He Yu seemed to have become more ruthless.
In the past, He Yu would not have spoken to him in such a straightforward manner, even if he was displeased, but the verbal courtesy and politeness was always there.
He Jiwei stared at the thick wool carpeting in the bedroom and said half-heartedly, "...... He Yu: she's not disgusted with you."
"She's just disgusted with her own past."
"......"
The house was so quiet that the sound of a clock ticking could be heard.
He Jiwei rubs the cigarette between his fingers as he struggles with himself for the last time - or rather, he has already decided to have this conversation with He Yu, but as he sits here in this strange room, he doesn't know where to begin.
He was silent, deliberating.
Finally he sighed deeply and opened his mouth, " He Yu: there are some things that we never told you before. Because you were too young, not even an adult at the time, and I was worried that it would be harder for you psychologically if I told you. And your mother, that was a very painful scar for her in itself. She was even less likely to uncover it herself and lead you to touch it."
"But I think - I've been thinking more and more lately - that it's time to tell you." He Jiwei says, "Maybe if you listen to it, you'll be able to be less self-absorbed, and you'll be able to ...... you might be able, too, to understand her a little bit."
"I've understood enough-" He Yu sat up suddenly from the bed.
"Just hear me out." He Jiwei said, "I rarely talk to you alone about anything like this. This time please be patient and hear me out, and then, any grievances you have, any resentment you have, you can vent them with me. Is that all right."
"......"
"You are my son, and I know that I have always let you sacrifice too much for something."
There was a long silence, and finally He Yu lay back down between the pillows and mattresses, raising his arms to shield his eyes, as if not seeing He Jiwei would make him slightly more sane.
"Go ahead." Finally he said coldly, "I'm listening."
At the age of eight -
The door of the house opened.
"Dr. Tse, good morning. Dad asked me to come and say hello to you. He wanted me to talk to you more."
Pretending to be well behaved, but also somewhat genuinely clueless, he just stood in the doorway of the guest room with the endless summer pattern carved into it and bowed towards the young medical student sitting at his desk.
The doctor turned back to him and looked at him lightly, "Come in and sit down."
And then, at the age of ten...
He ran through the long corridor, a special lab slip in his hand.
"Thank you doctor, thank you doctor."
The door opened again, pushed open by the boy.
Xie Qingcheng stood by the window pane, reading an Ode to a Nightingale, the boy's noise made him frown, and in the light of the sky and the flowers, Xie Qingcheng said to him, "How many times did you have to knock before entering the house?"
"My indicators are almost normal this time! I'm getting better!" He couldn't help his excitement, and there was a fine sweat running down his face, "Look, doctor, look."
"If you keep getting so emotional, you're going to get worse again."
Xie Qingcheng closes the book of poems, his face is very light, but he beckons him casually, "Come in. Show it to me."
And then, at the age of fourteen -
It was gloomy outside, and he stood in front of the big, heavy door for a long time, then he knocked.
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The door of the house opened once more.
At a glance, the young man noticed that the house had become very cold and that Xie Qingcheng's luggage had already been packed.
The answer is whatever is already clear.
But still, like a dying patient trying to claim life, he asked him reluctantly, "Is it true what my mother said?"
"......"
The empty wardrobe, the clean desk, the suitcase in the corner, all the still life answered him silently.
But he only looked at Xie Qingcheng and asked again, stubbornly, aggressively, full of pride, yet humble to the core, "Is it true what she said?"
Xie Qingcheng, an ironed jacket on his hand, sighed and said, "Come in first. Come in and talk."
Finally, or at the age of fourteen -
Shortly after Xie Qingcheng's departure, He Yu was leaving the country too. Before he left, he came alone to the door of the closed guest room, where the boy's hair was a little dishevelled, covering his eyes in tiny bits.
He stood in silence for a long time with his head bowed, then finally he raised his hand and knocked on Xie Qingcheng's door.
Over and over again.
There was a creak and the door opened.
He Yu's heart lifted and he looked in expectantly, but there was nothing inside - the wind had blown the door open.
The guest room is dim, and inside it looks like an empty, decaying grave, like a cooling phantom dream.
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The only proof that Xie Qingcheng had been here was the last book he had left He Yu on rare diseases of the world, which he had left on the table by the window.
To He Yu.
One day, little one, you will come out of the shadows inside on your own.
I wish that I could believe in that.
Xie Qingcheng
Gift
The young man raised his hand to touch the coldly written words, trying to draw from them a little remnant of the tenderness that might allow him to part with him and forget him forever.
Yet He Yu never admitted it, and in many subsequent dreams, on the banks of the Thames, on the beaches of Sicily, in the cold and misty Danish polar nights, in the brilliantly warm Spanish summers.
He dreamed of Hu Zhou's old villa from his pillow, of the long, thickly carpeted corridors.
Dreaming of the wooden doors carved with endless summer dark patterns.
Then he dreamed that he knocked on the door, again, and again, sounding helpless and desperate - until the clock struck twelve, and in the dream he used to save himself, he dreamed that the heavy door was once more opened from the inside.
Xie Qingcheng stood in the guest room, as indifferent as He Yu had been any time he needed him as a child, yet so reliable, like the best big brother in the world, the strongest man, the most clinging, inseparable doctor-
The man looked at him from top to bottom as if nothing had happened in between.
Only a faint inclination of the head, as before, and the words, "It's you, kid."
"Well, come in and sit down."
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--
"Come in and sit down."
"The Kid ......"
But recently everything has changed. Lately, even in late night dreams, He Yu opens the door and there is no one inside.
He could never go back to the corridor before he was fourteen and could not push the door that was full of light.
Heart suddenly hurts so badly ......
So much so that He Yu woke up with a start...
He woke up to find himself lying in his bedroom bed.
The front of his forehead was wrapped in gauze, as were his wrists and ankles.
The curtains are drawn in the bedroom and the AI stereo is playing the news at one point or another.
"The video serial murder case that shocked the nation in Shanghai University ...... police revealed ...... it was revenge murder and police found evidence of her acquisition of hacking equipment among the belongings of Lu Yuzhu, one of the Lu Yuzhu, one of the suspects in the case, was a former county secretary of Qingli County and was the first local girl to go to university. Lu Yuzhu studied computer information security as her major back then, and police suspect ......"
The sound is intermittent because of the weak Bluetooth signal.
"The other suspect, Jiang Liping, is currently at large ...... Both had inappropriate relationships with the victims ...... Perhaps ...... Cheng Kang Psychiatric ...... They were both inspired by the Jiang Lanpei killings and wanted to create a horrific atmosphere similar to the rumoured 'Jiang Lanpei ghosts' ...... but it doesn't rule out that the two knew there was a deeper connection to the Jiang Lanpei incident ......"
The soundbox talks about Jiang Liping on the run.
He Yu lies in bed, his heart slowly calming down.
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The door in the dream disappears.
He remembered his accidental fall down the stairs.
He didn't move. There was no reaction.
He was alive. ...... He didn't feel much of a surprise either. He just listened so woodenly, with one thing or another. There was a lot of follow up on the story, bizarre homicides were traffic codes, and all sorts of hunches were going on.
He Yu had been quite concerned about this before, but at this moment when he woke up from his coma and heard it on the radio, he just felt numb...
What does it have to do with him.
Nothing in this world has anything to do with him.
Suddenly, a voice came from beside the bed, " He Yu: you are awake?"
He Yu moved his head, only now realising that Lv Zhishu was actually there.
She had returned and was sitting worriedly by his bedside when she saw him open his eyes and said, "Before you-"
After a few seconds of silence.
He Yu opened his mouth, his voice raspy with first awakening, "I know what happened before."
He said this with a certain look of surprise at her presence before he said woodenly, "I told you to leave me alone, but you always stay at Hu Zhou."
Lv Zhishu did not get the warmth she expected from the meeting of mother and son, and He Yu was not grateful for her bedside manner.
She didn't expect him to wake up with such a tone of voice and stiffened, "You, how do you talk to your mother like that, you boy?"
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"And how do you want me to speak to you? A mouthful of honorifics? I'm not in the mood for that. Am I sick? I'm only pretending to be gentle and modest to you, this is my real face, can't take it anymore? If you can't stand it, go back to Yan Zhou and find He Li, don't hang around in front of me all day."
Lv Zhishu was furious, she was wearing a black lace see-through dress today, but she was too plump and trembling from He Yu's anger, she looked like a trembling fat spider: "...... mum knows that mum left you out in the past, but you didn't have to ...... you're not too ......"
"I hope you will continue to treat me coldly." He Yu's eyes were cold, "I'm used to it, do you understand?"
"......"
"Please get out."
Lv Zhishu was about to say something else when He Yu's eyes had become somewhat ghastly.
"Get out."
She stumbled a little and walked out anyway.
He Jiwei had also returned, and Lv Zhishu met him in the living room as he came downstairs.
He Jiwei did not expect to be greeted by a wife who was so angry with her son that she burst into tears when she entered.
Lv Zhishu hadn't been this weak in front of him for a long time.
She walked downstairs, sat down on the sofa, drew some tissues, wiped her tears and twisted her head without looking at He Jiwei.
He Jiwei: "...... Did you have a fight with him?"
"He's just woken up. I wanted to have a good talk with him, I wanted to get him another private doctor, I've seen him on too many medications lately, and you know there's nothing chemically that can control his mental state if this medicine eventually wears off." Lv Zhishu sniffled, still not turning her head, staring at a corner of the coffee table as if it held some deep grudge against her.
"I'm also kind and I care about him. I'm his own mother, can I harm him?"
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He Jiwei: "......"
"But he just wouldn't listen, he was so hostile to me." Lv Zhishu draws on a few more tissues and twists her nose loudly, not that she was like this when she was younger.
"Lao He, help me persuade him."
Lv Zhishu again shed tears.
"I am really aggrieved ...... you say, you say that I have paid so much for him, he does not even know that I am for him I have become this way ...... he treats me like this, how hard is it for my heart? I really am too aggrieved."
She said, burying her face in her thick, short, fat palm.
"I'm a mother, too. ......"
Family relations in the He family are actually very subtle, twisted and odd. Not at all the kind of atmosphere a normal family should have.
He Jiwei looked at Lv Zhishu for a moment and said with a sober face, "I'll go up and have a talk with him."
He Jiwei then went upstairs to He Yu's bedroom.
When father and son rarely see each other, and the black-haired man is in bed, the next moment will probably be a scene of a father in tears, choking back tears of remorse. And yet -
"Snap!"
He Jiwei, unlike Lv Zhishu, was usually serious and reasonable, but at this moment he was a bit tense and went up to him and snapped at him, "He Yu, have you learned to seek death?"
He Yu Sheng received the slap, but his face didn't have any ripples between his eyes, except that his face was deflected by the blow, and when he looked back, there were faint traces of blood at the corner of his mouth.
He Yu then stained with blood and smiled, "My goodness, how come you're back too. I'm not at the point where I need you both to attend my funeral together either."
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"What a jerk you are talking about!"
"What are you doing backwards."
"......"
He Yu's gaze fell on He Jiwei's leather shoes, and as the teenager's indistinguishable smile widened, he saw He Jiwei undoubtedly take a step back.
He moved himself slightly and his gaze moved back to the ceiling.
Still smiling faintly, "Don't be afraid. I'm not already well tied up by you guys."
He Jiwei and Lv Zhishu hid the fact that he was sick from everyone but themselves. Although He Yu has never hurt anyone or an animal in public, almost all the doctors judge him on a scale of violence similar to that of a psychopathic killer.
He Jiwei's cheeks puffed up and he said half-heartedly, "It's for your own good."
He Yu moved casually in his restraint belt and smiled, "Thank you."
He Jiwei: "When did ......'s condition deteriorate so badly and not say so?"
"I seem to be a nervous wreck," He Yu rambled, "what do you expect me to say?"
"He Yu: if this continues you will have to be sent to a hospital for mandatory isolation." He Jiwei lowered his voice, his eyes a little complicated, "Do you want to lose your freedom? To be locked up like an animal? Your mother and I have kept you hidden for so long so that you could be as normal as possible-"
"It is to be able to keep the He family running as normally as possible and to have a long and prosperous life." He Yu gazed up at the ceiling and smiled lightly.
He Jiwei fell steeply silent as if his vocal cords had been cut.
"Instead of becoming the talk of the town one day, what with the He family's eldest son, who looks so polished and good in character, turning out to be a madman. He's hiding it so well. It turns out the He family is so rotten - or in medicine, they can't even cure their own illnesses."
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He turned his head, his hands and feet bound, but he spoke with a smile and an air of terror: "Am I right? Papa?"
He Jiwei's face was ashen, his expression angry, but in that anger there seemed to be a hint of guilt for He Yu after all.
He Yu cannot see, his eyes are empty.
"When you found out I was sick after you gave birth to me, you just strangled me to death. Why did you keep me? You were in fear and trembling all day long, and I was a walking corpse every day.
"He Yu ......"
"Go away, I'm not used to having you here, I'm madder, I can't hide in the future, I'm afraid I'll lose your face."
He Jiwei seems to want to say something soft, but the number of times he meets his eldest son is so shabby, and he is so powerful, so used to giving orders, that softness is far more difficult for him than hardness.
"......"
He Yu turned his face sideways on the bed, not wanting to look at his old man.
The house was awfully quiet.
And in this silence, He Jiwei's eyes slowly change from anger to guilt, from guilt to grief, and from grief to peace.
He began to regret the slap he had just given He Yu upon entering the door.
He was really not in control at that moment.
He knew about He Yu's fall - although the floor was not high.
He saw how embarrassed Lv Zhishu was by He Yu.
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The exhaustion and anger, the fear and anxiety of that moment were most real, wrapped in his hand, which drew uncontrollably on He Yu's face.
He hadn't accompanied He Yu much, but he really hadn't beaten him either, and this was a first.
No matter how little he treated He Yu, they were still father and son, and it would be a lie to say that he was not angry when he saw how crazy He Yu had become and did not say anything.
He couldn't stand it at the moment.
Pull up a chair and sit down next to He Yu's bed.
The father bowed his head, said nothing, seemed to want to say nothing to him, just checked He Yu's injuries and then -
"Click."
A soft sound.
He Jiwei unties his restraint belt.
"......" He Yu opened his eyes.
He Jiwei didn't speak again for a long time after releasing his straps.
The father and son looked at each other in terrible silence.
He Jiwei has not set foot in this bedroom for a long time, and in this silence he shifts his eyes, looking around, before finally settling on the empty head of He Yu's bed.
He was determined to speak, his tone seemed tired, but it was no longer so harsh and insensitive: "...... He Yu . I remember that there was originally a picture of the three of us together on your bedside table."
"That's still a picture of you when you were four, I think, and we took it together in Yellowstone ......"
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He Yu also opened his mouth, his tone still cold, but at least he answered back, "I've lost that photo for ten years."
"......"
The room in the cottage, which was obviously so exquisitely decorated, was as cold as an ice cellar at this moment.
He Jiwei sighed and tried to knock a cigarette out for a smoke.
He Yu said, "I don't like second-hand smoke. If you want to smoke, then go out and smoke."
"......" He Jiwei coughed and took his cigarette back sarcastically, "I'm not a heavy smoker. Don't smoke anymore. What happened just now ...... was my bad, I got excited."
"He Yu: let me stay here with you for a while."
If this statement had been made ten years ago, He Yu would have had a soft spot in his heart.
Fifteen years ago, He Yu would have cried.
But now, after all, it is a little too late. He Yu's heart is already thickly calloused, and this meagre gentleness only makes him feel his heart being disturbed without sensing any bright emotions.
He Jiwei was quiet for a while before he said, "I know that you have resented us over the years, and that we have spent too little time with you since your brother came into this world.
My father whispered as he played with the unlit cigarette.
"That's not really neglect." He Yu said lightly, "It seems more apt to say disgusted."
He Jiwei's hand shook for a moment.
He also noticed that He Yu seemed to have become more ruthless.
In the past, He Yu would not have spoken to him in such a straightforward manner, even if he was displeased, but the verbal courtesy and politeness was always there.
He Jiwei stared at the thick wool carpeting in the bedroom and said half-heartedly, "...... He Yu: she's not disgusted with you."
"She's just disgusted with her own past."
"......"
The house was so quiet that the sound of a clock ticking could be heard.
He Jiwei rubs the cigarette between his fingers as he struggles with himself for the last time - or rather, he has already decided to have this conversation with He Yu, but as he sits here in this strange room, he doesn't know where to begin.
He was silent, deliberating.
Finally he sighed deeply and opened his mouth, " He Yu: there are some things that we never told you before. Because you were too young, not even an adult at the time, and I was worried that it would be harder for you psychologically if I told you. And your mother, that was a very painful scar for her in itself. She was even less likely to uncover it herself and lead you to touch it."
"But I think - I've been thinking more and more lately - that it's time to tell you." He Jiwei says, "Maybe if you listen to it, you'll be able to be less self-absorbed, and you'll be able to ...... you might be able, too, to understand her a little bit."
"I've understood enough-" He Yu sat up suddenly from the bed.
"Just hear me out." He Jiwei said, "I rarely talk to you alone about anything like this. This time please be patient and hear me out, and then, any grievances you have, any resentment you have, you can vent them with me. Is that all right."
"......"
"You are my son, and I know that I have always let you sacrifice too much for something."
There was a long silence, and finally He Yu lay back down between the pillows and mattresses, raising his arms to shield his eyes, as if not seeing He Jiwei would make him slightly more sane.
"Go ahead." Finally he said coldly, "I'm listening."
