ALowMar Another double-length chapter here!
Somewhat sad, so I was advised to leave warning! Intended audience still 17/18+
Please Enjoy!
After having him wait for a while, Kana summoned Fumio inside, saying she had needed to prepare for a bit. What this really entailed was Kana quickly filling Fuzō in on the rest of the Yuka Group's circumstances.
Stepping aboard the wagon, Fumio saw the situation and immediately bowed his head to Fuzō. His posture was stiff.
"I am deeply moved to see you awake again, Fuzō-sama." He also suddenly glanced aside to Kana, who was still propping Fuzō up, with a wary and unnerved look. It seemed Fumio immediately noticed that Kana was actively channeling chakra into the woman.
Well, damn... seems Fumio now knew about her ability to control chakra. But Kana couldn't help it. She feared that if she stopped, Fuzō would immediately pass out. Fuzō also had her jaw set tightly, fiercely resisting the awful hateful illusions that the presence of other people only exacerbated. Somehow it hurt to see Fuzō trying so hard. In response to this, Kana increased the flow of chakra further, not trying to hide it at all.
Fuzō gave her a thankful nod before addressing Fumio.
"Fumio... I told you not to call me that." Quiet as her voice was, Fuzō's displeasure was clear.
Waah! No honorifics. And the wizened old Fumio was suddenly so respectful. Kana glanced between them in silence, eyes narrowing as she discovered this newfound dynamic.
"My apologies, Fuzō-sa-aan. Seeing you again just- " Again he glanced at Kana, who stared back unblinkingly, "Hmmm-" was all he said further.
"Fumio, it's been ages and you still make such mistakes. I hear you're the director now?" Fuzō sighed tiredly, voice cold.
"Acting-director only. There was no one else after Kurosawa fell. I..." He stuttered here, his normal composure seriously fracturing. He also stared pointedly at Kana. "I also wasn't sure if- when we might next speak. I wasn't sure any of us would make it out alive, so I followed the evacuation procedures! But- but Fuzō-san, you have to understand, it wasn't my decision alone! Kurosawa thought your home wouldn't be at as much risk! We never even reached half of our members in time! By the time we reached your posting-"
"Enough, that much I know already! Kana has been tending to me all this time, is that right? I suspect she's the only reason I've survived this long with my mind intact. I've never met this poor girl before. She's not from the Yuka. What are the circumstances? Was this not your decision?" She sounded stern, but somehow.. protective? What was even happening anymore?
Kana watched this play out like a bystander, despite her close proximity. She hadn't expected such ferocity from Fuzō, much less her interrogation of Fumio. She thought this would be a simple report about Fuzō's health, minus the details that Kana didn't want to expose. All Kana could surmise by now was that Fumio considered Fuzō his superior somehow, and was very nervous about something. Just what was going on here?
"My.. my decision? Well, well not entirely. We couldn't do what you asked, we couldn't just let you succumb to your wounds! Everyone agreed, not with what we, not with what I owe- ah-" Catching a glare from Fuzō, he cut himself off quickly before searching for some way to change the subject.
Wait. Was he acting... guilty? Is this why she never saw him or many of the other Yuka around when she was with Fuzō? Were they avoiding talking about her... out of guilt?
This thought triggered unpleasant memories in Kana of the guilt she felt when she learned what happened to her, what happened to the other sacrifices. It was unpleasant to remember, and even to this day she felt some kind of guilt and remorse for surviving at their expense. Surely they were just as much victims as she. Kana still harbored a hidden distaste, a disgust for herself because of these circumstances. A disgust for how she had been altered. Why did she alone survive? Why did only she benefit from the ritual? She was grateful to live, but the fate they had all suffered was undoubtedly worse than death- a destruction of the soul. Even in killing the Shinigon, could they not be saved? Questions like this occasionally bothered her.
For Fumio and the others, was it like this guilt she felt? Perhaps Kana could understand why the Yuka were often avoiding her, avoiding Fuzō. Again, Kana realized how much it took a special kind of strength to face one's own feelings.
"And the, the girl sought you out herself. The instant she saw you, practically! I remember her gaze..." Again, Fumio stared at Kana with suspicion. "I just let the situation be. She insisted on staying by your side, carrying your stretcher specifically! Even after I discovered she could wield chakra- of course I was reluctant to expose you to danger, and a suspicious orphan with unknown origins wielding chakra control that rivals Ryuu's? But I didn't know how much longer you could last! You were in a bad way Fuzō-sama. When Ryuu and his staff told me what was going on, when the reports showed how much the girl was helping, I figured it couldn't hurt to have you under greater care! Even with all the chakra she poured into you, it never seemed like she was suffering for it. It was more than we could provide! Maybe it was luck, or fate. But when you finally woke up, I thought we could finally fix this- but-"
He seemed to be misunderstanding something, judging by how much Fuzō's frown deepened the more Fumio spoke. It was also somewhat painful for Kana to hear that Fumio had suspected her for a while, and that her chakra usage exceeded the other doctors. That was a blunder she failed to anticipate. At least he hadn't figured out much, even that she was disguising herself... hopefully.
Fuzō's tone grew grave, her face darkened worse than it had when Kana had seen her wish for death.
"Fix? But I am not healed. I am not well. And I have lost most everything. This why I told you I wanted it to end! I had premonitions every second in that damned cave of rubble, that something was terribly wrong with me! And you pulled me out anyway and put such a burden on everyone else! Regardless of the fact that you involved Kana-san, what would you have done if she hadn't been there?! Would you have let me succumb to this insanity?! You knew, you felt it the first time! Would you have killed me with your own hands after seeing what had become of me, how you had let me suffer? And now I am too weak to even fully express my outrage!"
She wheezed a bit after yelling all that, to which Kana responded by adjusting the woman's position to keep her back straight. Kana also tried to circulate a steady stream of chakra around Fuzō's lungs, hoping it did something. The details of actual medical ninjutsu were still beyond her.
Fumio looked vastly uncomfortable as he watched, eventually covering his own hands in the green light of medical ninjutsu and placing them to the woman's forehead and back. This helped settle Fuzō's breathing much more quickly, Kana noted with interest. Another thing to investigate.
Still, as soon as Fuzō regained her ability to speak, she tore into Fumio once again.
"Damn it Fumio, just give it up already! I see those looks you keep shooting towards her. I am indebted to Kana-san, more so than anyone else, now. She can know everything, can't you see I'm not even trying to hide it!? Talk to her after, in private. Tell her alone what you did, what you found! I don't wish to hear it again, I-"
Her voice broke for a while before she pulled herself together. Fuzō didn't want to hear her own circumstances... again? And she still addressed Kana politely?
"Know this: you may have kept me alive, but you have taken from me... something inexpressible. I doubt I can find it within me to forgive you for that. We shall have to see by the time I reach my... my parents again." The bitterness in her tone brought a prolonged period of silence. Kana felt conflicted after knowing what Fuzō thought. Was she somehow responsible here?
For his part, Fumio looked miserable, but not exactly apologetic. It was clear that he was the type of person who would use whatever to get what he wanted, or at least do what he believed was right. Kana mentally marked him down as someone never to trust with her secrets.
"Your parents," Fumio eventually found the nerve to speak, "So you've decided to return then? We are nearing the border... so I wondered when this time would come. And speaking of debts..."
"Oh my- heavens above, Fumio! You're still on this, even after a decade?! AAgggh" Fuzō's frustrated tone made both Kana and Fumio wince. The woman could barely keep her head up anymore, but still she spoke firmly.
"A life for a life. We're even Fumio. The moment you pulled me out of that rubble, no matter how much I wish you hadn't, you 'saved' my life. Your debt was paid. I will consider it so, so leave me now." Her face was drawn with irritation, so Fumio made no further comment, hastily withdrawing from the wagon.
Fuzō murmured once more under her breath, but Kana caught it. "If only that was all you had done." was what she said.
Reflecting on these words, Kana's expression held a nearly imperceptible worry.
"Fuzō-san have I, done something... unforgivable?" her voice was normally soft, but now that softness carried a complex of undertones.
Hearing this and seeing her expression, Fuzō's irritation seemed to melt away.
"Ah.. no Kana-, Kana-chan." Kana tilted her head, puzzled at this abrupt change of honorific. She had no objection, but it was still confusing. What had she done to be addressed more closely, Kana wondered? Given how little regard she gave to Fumio, Kana thought she might start addressing everyone that way. But not like this. She still didn't understand conversation very well.
"You alone are blameless here, guilty only of trying to help..." Fuzō continued, resting her good hand on Kana's cheek. She also breathed out "That son of a bitch Fumio was damn lucky you came along, sheesh! Can't even bear to look at him any longer." under her breath, probably not intending for Kana to hear.
Fuzō seemed to realize something and glanced towards Kana somewhat sheepishly, but the girl had her normal neutral expression on. Only Kana's eyes were slightly inquisitive at her gaze, so Fuzō didn't say anything about it and moved on. Strange.
"Anyway, Kana-chan. My situation is rather more heavy a burden than I'd prefer to involve a child in, especially a good girl like you. Doubtless you have you own worries, right? But you've already done so much for me, it wouldn't be fair to keep it from you."
Kana very much wanted to know, to understand that last interaction with Fumio. She wanted to know about this woman who looked like she might be related to Kana's own past. But she also knew how much it seemed to hurt Fuzō to talk about. So she hesitated, before speaking honestly. "Fuzō-san? You said you... didn't want to say it? I don't want.... you to have to do that, if you don't want to. Can find out... from Fumio, right?"
This brought a corner of Fuzō's lips up into a quirk, though her eyes looked like they were dying. Using the hand braced on Kana's cheek, Fuzō drew the girl's head down to whisper into Kana's ear. Her voice wavered with emotion, but still Fuzō did not cry.
"To be honest I don't want to remember it, and I don't want to have to tell you, but you deserve to hear it. Everything about me straight from my mouth. As if I'm going to just let Fumio try and spill his bullshi- err nonsense justifications at you. I want you to know what I truly think."
"Then, if it's okay..." Fuzō waited, waited for Kana to speak clearly, "Then I'd like to know, if only to better help you."
Fuzō did not reply right away, just meeting Kana's gaze. Again their eyes held a conversation where Kana knew not quite what was said. Seemingly finding whatever she was looking for in Kana's eyes, Fuzō pulled her head back and closed her tired grey eyes.
"I guess you... you could understand then. I've seen what I need to. I- I suppose it started with the happiness I found in the Land of Rain. No, I can't bear to start there, to remember those days. I shall instead start with how that happiness died." She gave a shuddering sigh before bringing her good arm to hug her own shoulders.
"I lived at my posting in the Yuka Group, a rural village in the northeast of the Land of Rain, in charge of treatment there. I had a family there, once, born of love between me and a colleague on the road of the Yuka's travels. That love allowed me to start a family of my own, with my dear son. My dear-" the tears flowed now, but Kana knew not what to do. Before she could say anything, Fuzō continued. "This, this is why I didn't want to speak of it. Pardon me if I don't mention their names, it hurts too much now that they're gone."
"I'm, sorry? Fuzō-san, I-" Kana sincerely apologized, from her heart, because she had earnestly asked Fuzō to do this for her. Still, Fuzō interrupted.
"I do not wish to hear those words, not from you Kana-chan. I would hurt too much for my pain to be yours. I will do this in thanks, so let me finish. Let me hold on to these feelings of gratitude." The wounded woman must be utterly exhausted by now, but still she wiped her own tears and foraged onward. Kana held her tongue.
"As part of my duty, I went out to help a friend. As a medic, as a friend, and as a core member of the Yuka Group, I felt it was my calling. If only I had been more selfish. Or perhaps indulging in my callings was my selfishness....
The situation was bad, and danger lurked everywhere nearby. Eventually the fighting made its way to our village. I went out to save him, a friend called Yoshino. I thought I might have time, but... right as we were nearing safety, we were attacked in a great explosion and I-"
Oh. Kana instantly knew what Fuzō meant. The woman's family was dead, that much she'd gathered. But there... was a difference between 'family suddenly dying' and 'watching your family die helplessly before your very eyes because of a choice you made'.
This was what Fuzō meant earlier. Family... to have it and to lose it, and the way in which she had lost it, that was a sensation that Kana could somehow understand even if her own feelings were only vague.
Kana again had no idea what to do as she listened, and she hated that. The only thing that came to mind was that time with Michiko...
Thinking of it, Kana held up Fuzō's head and hugged it close to her chest, wrapping the woman near-entirely in her lap.
Now, Fuzō only continued in a whisper, a ragged and lonely whisper. "My memories of that time are a mess, and I don't want them to be clearer. I saw them, my family stood out in front of me, enveloped in the white light of that explosion. I myself saw but a glimpse of our attackers before I was thrown backwards and knocked out. When.. when I next awoke, I was half buried in rubble. I was only able to survive because my medical supplies were still attached to my waist. In a daze, I treated the wounds I could with the arm I had free, only to realize that the rubble that buried me was heating up. It grew so hot that it started to burn me, all while I was immobile. Escape was impossible, my efforts only shifting the burning metal and concrete around. Then, something began to happen outside, great rumbling and roaring along with the sound of death. In my screams of agony I began to hallucinate, I felt a pressing fear and hatred surround me, increasing with every second. You.. you cannot imagine the shock- the panic!"
Kana recalled those moments before she was about to be sacrificed, her fear and panic, and the paranoia she felt after awakening in the ritual's aftermath. Kana had been through that, and yet still she shuddered at the thought of Fuzō's pain.
"Eventually I came to pray for death, for the pain to end, hoping that somehow my family had survived. But still I held my sanity. I couldn't let go, I had to know their fate. After an unknowable time, my screams attracted some thing's attention. The sense of hatred you've felt along with me, it emanated from that thing. It was the first I'd experienced it, so surely you can imagine the... the terror! It pressed closer and closer until it eventually unearthed me. It wore the face of Fumio, and behind it stood similar creatures wearing the faces of my comrades from the Yuka Group. Fearing that they were all monsters, or corpses, or demons or something worse that had killed all of my friends and stolen their faces, my screams never lessened until I lost consciousness again. Only later did I learn that it actually was my comrades. Still, I kept my mind together, enduring the awful feeling from everything around. But that was not even the worst..."
Fuzō paused and breathed deeply again, whispering more and more about the horror and pain she felt. She was totally absorbed in her memories now. Kana had seen suffering before, but the woman painted such a vivid picture that Kana couldn't help but imagine herself in the same helpless terror. The same helpless terror she'd felt at the hands of the Shinigon and his cultists. Kana grew cold inside as she thought of it. This was why she had to protect herself, why she had to master her powers. A fate like this could come to anyone, even to someone like Fuzō.
Again, Kana could say nothing.
"I never want to do this again, so I'll finish it now. The worst.. the worst was when I saw them. On a stretcher, as I received crisis treatment for my wounds, I woke again. They tried to hide it from me, but nearby was the... the remains of my husband. I'll never forget it, covered in blood next to the crater that had once been our house. By his side were the charred and bloodied sandals of our son. That was all that was left, shreds of flesh in a crater. I couldn't bear to look any longer. I refused to accept what I knew, and that was when I begged him. I begged him to let me die, that Fumio. He knew me just as long as anyone, he knew I meant it! I told him what was happening to me! And they kept me alive anyway..."
Fuzō's immeasurable grief swelled into anger, an impotent fury that gave her voice a boost in volume. Kana once again said nothing, respecting the strength it took Fuzō to say all of this.
"He said he would take care of it! It was only then that I felt relief! And that was when I gave in to the madness, I can only remember the terrorizing feeling suffocating me into the darkness. A darkness of terrifying nightmares that I did not wake from save for the stirrings caused by you, your chakra."
Fuzō paused again. Kana felt much closer to her after learning of this, as painful as it was.
"But enough of that. Just, Enough. For everything, I must thank you Kana-chan. At least I wasn't condemned to that fate. At least I recovered some semblance of self. I didn't know it, but you were my benefactor. The solace I had was the time you provided relief from the terror. I didn't want to have to go on, but I think I can now, knowing this. At least the nightmares ended. Only this nightmare called reality is left to conquer."
Fuzō's voice grew tiny again, her body huddled into a fetal position in Kana's arms. A woman at least twice her own age, allowed herself to trust Kana. Why? Why, Kana could not quite understand. What Kana felt they shared was a bond akin to those who knew the same suffering. A bond between survivors of the horrible, understanding between those who bore similar scars. Did Fuzō feel that way, too?
For Fuzō, perhaps that trust came easier because she felt she had nothing left to lose. Kana could not bring herself to extend the same trust to anyone, for she had too much to lose and too much to fear.
Fuzō's tears had all dried up, as if she couldn't bring herself to be any sadder than she already was. But as her eyelids drooped closed, she whispered out once more to herself.
" 'Okaa-san will be right back', I said.
'I'll see you soon, I promise', I said.
It was all a lie. I'm sorry, forgive me!" A piteous and wailing whisper.
With that, she fell to slumber once again. Kana laid her down gently on the stretcher, peering at the woman's face. Her complexion still seemed pallid and the puffiness from crying brought a harrowing atmosphere to the area around her eyes. Kana bowed her head in silence, wishing the woman some vestiges of peace before glancing down at her body.
Somehow in all of that commotion, a few of Fuzō bandages became tangled and torn, needing to be replaced. That gave her something to do, something to take her mind off of what she'd just heard. For now she resorted to tightly suppressing her feelings. Kana understood, felt some sort of empathy even. But it was too much to handle all at once, both Fuzō's story and the impact it had had on bringing up her own unpleasant memories.
Still, she honestly hoped that Fuzō would recover from this, especially since the woman's family seemed like they would be of help to Kana's own troubles. Whatever Fuzō's parents knew, Kana's next lead would probably come from them.
Stepping out of the wagon, Kana set off towards the other supply cart to find some bandages, only to run across Fumio waiting when she got there.
"I don't think our conversation is finished, hmm?" He wore a complicated, but distinctly unfavorable expression. Kana's new understanding of body language told her that Fumio was feeling rather stressed, though.
Kana mirrored the sentiment, but her face remained impassive. She had complicated feelings of her own about how to think of Fumio. Given how Fuzō felt after all...
"Indeed. I think there are ~several things I need to hear from ~you." Her voice was almost melodic, trilling in a way that indicated her lack of tolerance for nonsense.
It was, frankly, the most expressive a voice Fumio had ever heard from her. The fact that her expression remained so deadpan made it all the more confusing for him, and slightly frightening, as his face promptly showed. His eyes seemed to indicate he felt he was being mocked as well.
In this case, that would not be strictly incorrect. Kana was rather put off by the fact that he knew about her chakra control, and was not pleased at all.
"Hmph." He scoffed tersely, "Follow me, then."
ALowMar Heya! I don't know if I did this conversation and the emotions in it quite as well as I'd hoped, but here's a try.
ALowMar Another double-length chapter here!
Somewhat sad, so I was advised to leave warning! Intended audience still 17/18+
Please Enjoy!
After having him wait for a while, Kana summoned Fumio inside, saying she had needed to prepare for a bit. What this really entailed was Kana quickly filling Fuzō in on the rest of the Yuka Group's circumstances.
Stepping aboard the wagon, Fumio saw the situation and immediately bowed his head to Fuzō. His posture was stiff.
"I am deeply moved to see you awake again, Fuzō-sama." He also suddenly glanced aside to Kana, who was still propping Fuzō up, with a wary and unnerved look. It seemed Fumio immediately noticed that Kana was actively channeling chakra into the woman.
Well, damn... seems Fumio now knew about her ability to control chakra. But Kana couldn't help it. She feared that if she stopped, Fuzō would immediately pass out. Fuzō also had her jaw set tightly, fiercely resisting the awful hateful illusions that the presence of other people only exacerbated. Somehow it hurt to see Fuzō trying so hard. In response to this, Kana increased the flow of chakra further, not trying to hide it at all.
Fuzō gave her a thankful nod before addressing Fumio.
"Fumio... I told you not to call me that." Quiet as her voice was, Fuzō's displeasure was clear.
Waah! No honorifics. And the wizened old Fumio was suddenly so respectful. Kana glanced between them in silence, eyes narrowing as she discovered this newfound dynamic.
"My apologies, Fuzō-sa-aan. Seeing you again just- " Again he glanced at Kana, who stared back unblinkingly, "Hmmm-" was all he said further.
"Fumio, it's been ages and you still make such mistakes. I hear you're the director now?" Fuzō sighed tiredly, voice cold.
"Acting-director only. There was no one else after Kurosawa fell. I..." He stuttered here, his normal composure seriously fracturing. He also stared pointedly at Kana. "I also wasn't sure if- when we might next speak. I wasn't sure any of us would make it out alive, so I followed the evacuation procedures! But- but Fuzō-san, you have to understand, it wasn't my decision alone! Kurosawa thought your home wouldn't be at as much risk! We never even reached half of our members in time! By the time we reached your posting-"
"Enough, that much I know already! Kana has been tending to me all this time, is that right? I suspect she's the only reason I've survived this long with my mind intact. I've never met this poor girl before. She's not from the Yuka. What are the circumstances? Was this not your decision?" She sounded stern, but somehow.. protective? What was even happening anymore?
Kana watched this play out like a bystander, despite her close proximity. She hadn't expected such ferocity from Fuzō, much less her interrogation of Fumio. She thought this would be a simple report about Fuzō's health, minus the details that Kana didn't want to expose. All Kana could surmise by now was that Fumio considered Fuzō his superior somehow, and was very nervous about something. Just what was going on here?
"My.. my decision? Well, well not entirely. We couldn't do what you asked, we couldn't just let you succumb to your wounds! Everyone agreed, not with what we, not with what I owe- ah-" Catching a glare from Fuzō, he cut himself off quickly before searching for some way to change the subject.
Wait. Was he acting... guilty? Is this why she never saw him or many of the other Yuka around when she was with Fuzō? Were they avoiding talking about her... out of guilt?
This thought triggered unpleasant memories in Kana of the guilt she felt when she learned what happened to her, what happened to the other sacrifices. It was unpleasant to remember, and even to this day she felt some kind of guilt and remorse for surviving at their expense. Surely they were just as much victims as she. Kana still harbored a hidden distaste, a disgust for herself because of these circumstances. A disgust for how she had been altered. Why did she alone survive? Why did only she benefit from the ritual? She was grateful to live, but the fate they had all suffered was undoubtedly worse than death- a destruction of the soul. Even in killing the Shinigon, could they not be saved? Questions like this occasionally bothered her.
For Fumio and the others, was it like this guilt she felt? Perhaps Kana could understand why the Yuka were often avoiding her, avoiding Fuzō. Again, Kana realized how much it took a special kind of strength to face one's own feelings.
"And the, the girl sought you out herself. The instant she saw you, practically! I remember her gaze..." Again, Fumio stared at Kana with suspicion. "I just let the situation be. She insisted on staying by your side, carrying your stretcher specifically! Even after I discovered she could wield chakra- of course I was reluctant to expose you to danger, and a suspicious orphan with unknown origins wielding chakra control that rivals Ryuu's? But I didn't know how much longer you could last! You were in a bad way Fuzō-sama. When Ryuu and his staff told me what was going on, when the reports showed how much the girl was helping, I figured it couldn't hurt to have you under greater care! Even with all the chakra she poured into you, it never seemed like she was suffering for it. It was more than we could provide! Maybe it was luck, or fate. But when you finally woke up, I thought we could finally fix this- but-"
He seemed to be misunderstanding something, judging by how much Fuzō's frown deepened the more Fumio spoke. It was also somewhat painful for Kana to hear that Fumio had suspected her for a while, and that her chakra usage exceeded the other doctors. That was a blunder she failed to anticipate. At least he hadn't figured out much, even that she was disguising herself... hopefully.
Fuzō's tone grew grave, her face darkened worse than it had when Kana had seen her wish for death.
"Fix? But I am not healed. I am not well. And I have lost most everything. This why I told you I wanted it to end! I had premonitions every second in that damned cave of rubble, that something was terribly wrong with me! And you pulled me out anyway and put such a burden on everyone else! Regardless of the fact that you involved Kana-san, what would you have done if she hadn't been there?! Would you have let me succumb to this insanity?! You knew, you felt it the first time! Would you have killed me with your own hands after seeing what had become of me, how you had let me suffer? And now I am too weak to even fully express my outrage!"
She wheezed a bit after yelling all that, to which Kana responded by adjusting the woman's position to keep her back straight. Kana also tried to circulate a steady stream of chakra around Fuzō's lungs, hoping it did something. The details of actual medical ninjutsu were still beyond her.
Fumio looked vastly uncomfortable as he watched, eventually covering his own hands in the green light of medical ninjutsu and placing them to the woman's forehead and back. This helped settle Fuzō's breathing much more quickly, Kana noted with interest. Another thing to investigate.
Still, as soon as Fuzō regained her ability to speak, she tore into Fumio once again.
"Damn it Fumio, just give it up already! I see those looks you keep shooting towards her. I am indebted to Kana-san, more so than anyone else, now. She can know everything, can't you see I'm not even trying to hide it!? Talk to her after, in private. Tell her alone what you did, what you found! I don't wish to hear it again, I-"
Her voice broke for a while before she pulled herself together. Fuzō didn't want to hear her own circumstances... again? And she still addressed Kana politely?
"Know this: you may have kept me alive, but you have taken from me... something inexpressible. I doubt I can find it within me to forgive you for that. We shall have to see by the time I reach my... my parents again." The bitterness in her tone brought a prolonged period of silence. Kana felt conflicted after knowing what Fuzō thought. Was she somehow responsible here?
For his part, Fumio looked miserable, but not exactly apologetic. It was clear that he was the type of person who would use whatever to get what he wanted, or at least do what he believed was right. Kana mentally marked him down as someone never to trust with her secrets.
"Your parents," Fumio eventually found the nerve to speak, "So you've decided to return then? We are nearing the border... so I wondered when this time would come. And speaking of debts..."
"Oh my- heavens above, Fumio! You're still on this, even after a decade?! AAgggh" Fuzō's frustrated tone made both Kana and Fumio wince. The woman could barely keep her head up anymore, but still she spoke firmly.
"A life for a life. We're even Fumio. The moment you pulled me out of that rubble, no matter how much I wish you hadn't, you 'saved' my life. Your debt was paid. I will consider it so, so leave me now." Her face was drawn with irritation, so Fumio made no further comment, hastily withdrawing from the wagon.
Fuzō murmured once more under her breath, but Kana caught it. "If only that was all you had done." was what she said.
Reflecting on these words, Kana's expression held a nearly imperceptible worry.
"Fuzō-san have I, done something... unforgivable?" her voice was normally soft, but now that softness carried a complex of undertones.
Hearing this and seeing her expression, Fuzō's irritation seemed to melt away.
"Ah.. no Kana-, Kana-chan." Kana tilted her head, puzzled at this abrupt change of honorific. She had no objection, but it was still confusing. What had she done to be addressed more closely, Kana wondered? Given how little regard she gave to Fumio, Kana thought she might start addressing everyone that way. But not like this. She still didn't understand conversation very well.
"You alone are blameless here, guilty only of trying to help..." Fuzō continued, resting her good hand on Kana's cheek. She also breathed out "That son of a bitch Fumio was damn lucky you came along, sheesh! Can't even bear to look at him any longer." under her breath, probably not intending for Kana to hear.
Fuzō seemed to realize something and glanced towards Kana somewhat sheepishly, but the girl had her normal neutral expression on. Only Kana's eyes were slightly inquisitive at her gaze, so Fuzō didn't say anything about it and moved on. Strange.
"Anyway, Kana-chan. My situation is rather more heavy a burden than I'd prefer to involve a child in, especially a good girl like you. Doubtless you have you own worries, right? But you've already done so much for me, it wouldn't be fair to keep it from you."
Kana very much wanted to know, to understand that last interaction with Fumio. She wanted to know about this woman who looked like she might be related to Kana's own past. But she also knew how much it seemed to hurt Fuzō to talk about. So she hesitated, before speaking honestly. "Fuzō-san? You said you... didn't want to say it? I don't want.... you to have to do that, if you don't want to. Can find out... from Fumio, right?"
This brought a corner of Fuzō's lips up into a quirk, though her eyes looked like they were dying. Using the hand braced on Kana's cheek, Fuzō drew the girl's head down to whisper into Kana's ear. Her voice wavered with emotion, but still Fuzō did not cry.
"To be honest I don't want to remember it, and I don't want to have to tell you, but you deserve to hear it. Everything about me straight from my mouth. As if I'm going to just let Fumio try and spill his bullshi- err nonsense justifications at you. I want you to know what I truly think."
"Then, if it's okay..." Fuzō waited, waited for Kana to speak clearly, "Then I'd like to know, if only to better help you."
Fuzō did not reply right away, just meeting Kana's gaze. Again their eyes held a conversation where Kana knew not quite what was said. Seemingly finding whatever she was looking for in Kana's eyes, Fuzō pulled her head back and closed her tired grey eyes.
"I guess you... you could understand then. I've seen what I need to. I- I suppose it started with the happiness I found in the Land of Rain. No, I can't bear to start there, to remember those days. I shall instead start with how that happiness died." She gave a shuddering sigh before bringing her good arm to hug her own shoulders.
"I lived at my posting in the Yuka Group, a rural village in the northeast of the Land of Rain, in charge of treatment there. I had a family there, once, born of love between me and a colleague on the road of the Yuka's travels. That love allowed me to start a family of my own, with my dear son. My dear-" the tears flowed now, but Kana knew not what to do. Before she could say anything, Fuzō continued. "This, this is why I didn't want to speak of it. Pardon me if I don't mention their names, it hurts too much now that they're gone."
"I'm, sorry? Fuzō-san, I-" Kana sincerely apologized, from her heart, because she had earnestly asked Fuzō to do this for her. Still, Fuzō interrupted.
"I do not wish to hear those words, not from you Kana-chan. I would hurt too much for my pain to be yours. I will do this in thanks, so let me finish. Let me hold on to these feelings of gratitude." The wounded woman must be utterly exhausted by now, but still she wiped her own tears and foraged onward. Kana held her tongue.
"As part of my duty, I went out to help a friend. As a medic, as a friend, and as a core member of the Yuka Group, I felt it was my calling. If only I had been more selfish. Or perhaps indulging in my callings was my selfishness....
The situation was bad, and danger lurked everywhere nearby. Eventually the fighting made its way to our village. I went out to save him, a friend called Yoshino. I thought I might have time, but... right as we were nearing safety, we were attacked in a great explosion and I-"
Oh. Kana instantly knew what Fuzō meant. The woman's family was dead, that much she'd gathered. But there... was a difference between 'family suddenly dying' and 'watching your family die helplessly before your very eyes because of a choice you made'.
This was what Fuzō meant earlier. Family... to have it and to lose it, and the way in which she had lost it, that was a sensation that Kana could somehow understand even if her own feelings were only vague.
Kana again had no idea what to do as she listened, and she hated that. The only thing that came to mind was that time with Michiko...
Thinking of it, Kana held up Fuzō's head and hugged it close to her chest, wrapping the woman near-entirely in her lap.
Now, Fuzō only continued in a whisper, a ragged and lonely whisper. "My memories of that time are a mess, and I don't want them to be clearer. I saw them, my family stood out in front of me, enveloped in the white light of that explosion. I myself saw but a glimpse of our attackers before I was thrown backwards and knocked out. When.. when I next awoke, I was half buried in rubble. I was only able to survive because my medical supplies were still attached to my waist. In a daze, I treated the wounds I could with the arm I had free, only to realize that the rubble that buried me was heating up. It grew so hot that it started to burn me, all while I was immobile. Escape was impossible, my efforts only shifting the burning metal and concrete around. Then, something began to happen outside, great rumbling and roaring along with the sound of death. In my screams of agony I began to hallucinate, I felt a pressing fear and hatred surround me, increasing with every second. You.. you cannot imagine the shock- the panic!"
Kana recalled those moments before she was about to be sacrificed, her fear and panic, and the paranoia she felt after awakening in the ritual's aftermath. Kana had been through that, and yet still she shuddered at the thought of Fuzō's pain.
"Eventually I came to pray for death, for the pain to end, hoping that somehow my family had survived. But still I held my sanity. I couldn't let go, I had to know their fate. After an unknowable time, my screams attracted some thing's attention. The sense of hatred you've felt along with me, it emanated from that thing. It was the first I'd experienced it, so surely you can imagine the... the terror! It pressed closer and closer until it eventually unearthed me. It wore the face of Fumio, and behind it stood similar creatures wearing the faces of my comrades from the Yuka Group. Fearing that they were all monsters, or corpses, or demons or something worse that had killed all of my friends and stolen their faces, my screams never lessened until I lost consciousness again. Only later did I learn that it actually was my comrades. Still, I kept my mind together, enduring the awful feeling from everything around. But that was not even the worst..."
Fuzō paused and breathed deeply again, whispering more and more about the horror and pain she felt. She was totally absorbed in her memories now. Kana had seen suffering before, but the woman painted such a vivid picture that Kana couldn't help but imagine herself in the same helpless terror. The same helpless terror she'd felt at the hands of the Shinigon and his cultists. Kana grew cold inside as she thought of it. This was why she had to protect herself, why she had to master her powers. A fate like this could come to anyone, even to someone like Fuzō.
Again, Kana could say nothing.
"I never want to do this again, so I'll finish it now. The worst.. the worst was when I saw them. On a stretcher, as I received crisis treatment for my wounds, I woke again. They tried to hide it from me, but nearby was the... the remains of my husband. I'll never forget it, covered in blood next to the crater that had once been our house. By his side were the charred and bloodied sandals of our son. That was all that was left, shreds of flesh in a crater. I couldn't bear to look any longer. I refused to accept what I knew, and that was when I begged him. I begged him to let me die, that Fumio. He knew me just as long as anyone, he knew I meant it! I told him what was happening to me! And they kept me alive anyway..."
Fuzō's immeasurable grief swelled into anger, an impotent fury that gave her voice a boost in volume. Kana once again said nothing, respecting the strength it took Fuzō to say all of this.
"He said he would take care of it! It was only then that I felt relief! And that was when I gave in to the madness, I can only remember the terrorizing feeling suffocating me into the darkness. A darkness of terrifying nightmares that I did not wake from save for the stirrings caused by you, your chakra."
Fuzō paused again. Kana felt much closer to her after learning of this, as painful as it was.
"But enough of that. Just, Enough. For everything, I must thank you Kana-chan. At least I wasn't condemned to that fate. At least I recovered some semblance of self. I didn't know it, but you were my benefactor. The solace I had was the time you provided relief from the terror. I didn't want to have to go on, but I think I can now, knowing this. At least the nightmares ended. Only this nightmare called reality is left to conquer."
Fuzō's voice grew tiny again, her body huddled into a fetal position in Kana's arms. A woman at least twice her own age, allowed herself to trust Kana. Why? Why, Kana could not quite understand. What Kana felt they shared was a bond akin to those who knew the same suffering. A bond between survivors of the horrible, understanding between those who bore similar scars. Did Fuzō feel that way, too?
For Fuzō, perhaps that trust came easier because she felt she had nothing left to lose. Kana could not bring herself to extend the same trust to anyone, for she had too much to lose and too much to fear.
Fuzō's tears had all dried up, as if she couldn't bring herself to be any sadder than she already was. But as her eyelids drooped closed, she whispered out once more to herself.
" 'Okaa-san will be right back', I said.
'I'll see you soon, I promise', I said.
It was all a lie. I'm sorry, forgive me!" A piteous and wailing whisper.
With that, she fell to slumber once again. Kana laid her down gently on the stretcher, peering at the woman's face. Her complexion still seemed pallid and the puffiness from crying brought a harrowing atmosphere to the area around her eyes. Kana bowed her head in silence, wishing the woman some vestiges of peace before glancing down at her body.
Somehow in all of that commotion, a few of Fuzō bandages became tangled and torn, needing to be replaced. That gave her something to do, something to take her mind off of what she'd just heard. For now she resorted to tightly suppressing her feelings. Kana understood, felt some sort of empathy even. But it was too much to handle all at once, both Fuzō's story and the impact it had had on bringing up her own unpleasant memories.
Still, she honestly hoped that Fuzō would recover from this, especially since the woman's family seemed like they would be of help to Kana's own troubles. Whatever Fuzō's parents knew, Kana's next lead would probably come from them.
Stepping out of the wagon, Kana set off towards the other supply cart to find some bandages, only to run across Fumio waiting when she got there.
"I don't think our conversation is finished, hmm?" He wore a complicated, but distinctly unfavorable expression. Kana's new understanding of body language told her that Fumio was feeling rather stressed, though.
Kana mirrored the sentiment, but her face remained impassive. She had complicated feelings of her own about how to think of Fumio. Given how Fuzō felt after all...
"Indeed. I think there are ~several things I need to hear from ~you." Her voice was almost melodic, trilling in a way that indicated her lack of tolerance for nonsense.
It was, frankly, the most expressive a voice Fumio had ever heard from her. The fact that her expression remained so deadpan made it all the more confusing for him, and slightly frightening, as his face promptly showed. His eyes seemed to indicate he felt he was being mocked as well.
In this case, that would not be strictly incorrect. Kana was rather put off by the fact that he knew about her chakra control, and was not pleased at all.
"Hmph." He scoffed tersely, "Follow me, then."
ALowMar Heya! I don't know if I did this conversation and the emotions in it quite as well as I'd hoped, but here's a try.
