"Who?"
The Lich looked disappointed at Adam's answer, "How typical." And started to turn away.
~Tell Him, 'WAIT!'~
Adam threw up both his hands at the Lich, "WAIT!"
The withered corpse paused to look over its shoulder at Adam.
~Remember that Russian mobster who came by to play cards? The one who liked to debate that Russia was better than America when he got drunk?~
Adam licked his lips and started sweating, "Wait wait... th-there was this... uh... Russian mobster..."
The Lich's skull somehow deformed to allow its eye ridges to squint with curiosity as it turned to fully face Adam again.
~Now Repeat after me...~
Adam nodded once the spoke with a shaky voice, "He... was a russian philosopher who... believed in the innocence of the Russian people and... that the russians were destined to... unite Christianity with fascism and thus... take over the world and purge it of its sins."
The Lich just stared at Adam.
A single drop of sweat rolled down Adam's face to his chin then dropped to fall to the floor.
"Not even close." The Zombies and ghosts started to slowly close in.
Adam's heart sank.
The Lich rolled the eye-rod in the air, "I mean, he WAS a Russian philosopher, but that wasn't what he talked about."
Adam laughed nervously, "Oh? Well, I'm from another universe! Di-di-different Ivan, I suppose."
The lich's eye light winked out like he was blinking, "Wait. You are from another universe?" The Undead again stopped moving.
Adam's eyes darted around as he kept talking, "Well, yes. Kinda like here, except no superpowers and the gender roles are reversed, but-"
The Lich suddenly closed the distance to get right in Adam's face, forcing him to take a step back in fear, "WHAT???"
Adam stared at the lich and slowly nodded.
The Lich turned away to start talking to the rod, "Do you hear that? A world without superpowers and the gender roles are reversed!" He looked at Adam, "Would you say that Men are dominate on your world? Because women are weaker?"
~And they need nine months to have a child!~
Adam swallowed, his mouth feeling very dry at the moment as he tried to talk, "Well... yes. As well as the fact that, uh... unlike in your world... it takes nine months for a woman to have a child, and a full year at least to recover before she has another." He gestured to the side, "You kinda need someone to take care of you if you are going to have a family."
The lich looked absolutely excited by this, "Really? You know, I published a paper about that sort of thing, explaining how the age of the meta was what brought about the living hell that is this world, what with the way men are oppressed and treated like second class citizens."
~Mention the difference in age of death!~
Adam reached up to wipe his forehead with the back of his hand, "Well, you might have a case there, what with the average person lives to be seventy eight in my world and dies around forty eight... here?"
The Lich held up a finger, "Your figures are out of date. The actual age of death is forty seven point three. "
Adam's face was as white as the ghosts that were drifting around him, "I stand corrected."
The Lich put a hand on his boney hip and tilted his head to the side as he looked at Adam, "So how'd you wind up this totally fucked?"
Adam rolled his eyes to look at the ceiling, "Well... you know... needed a job. And there was this attack by Toady Troll..."
The Lich pointed its Eye-rod at Adam, "Wait. That was you? The Topless angel?" A dark echoing laugher came bellowing out of its chest, "I saw That! THAT... was fuckin' hysterical!" He shook his head, "Everyone panicking about you not wearing a shirt!" He started looking more serious, "You know, there was a time it was the other way around?"
Adam nodded, "I can believe it. In my world if a woman goes around topless everyone freaks. Well..." he glanced to the side, "The women freak. The men all stare."
The Lich scratched his chin, "Oh? I see, I see... so in your society, men like breasts? That's... that makes sense. Never thought of that. Here it's kinda of a fetish thing. Like... you know how some women like feet?"
Adam hooked a thumb over his shoulder, "We got that too, except it is the men, usually. Like sucking on toes... or something. Not my thing. More... Japanese I think."
The Lich nodded, "I see. I see..." He looked up at the stage where the other two were, then back at Adam, "Ah look. I really want to talk with you more, but I'm on a bit of a schedule here. But tell you what." He pointed the eye-rod at Adam, "I'm gonna let you go to give a warning to everyone else that the age of the matriarchy is over and the rise of man has begun..." He pointed at the stage with the eye-rod, "Right after I kill your friends and turn them into my etherial brides." Its eye lights winked for a second, "Sound good?"
Adam shook his head very tightly and spoke in a squeaky voice, "Uh... no. Not really."
The lich's bone structure twisted and melted to make a rictus grin, "Well, it's not like I'm asking." He turned to the stage and started to walk away, "Trust me. You haven't been here long enough to know that these bastards have it coming."
"Allow me to make a counter argument."
The lich stopped. That last sentence did not sound like it was coming from Adam. It was strong, confident, and a whole octave deeper. He turned around to look at Adam, "What-" But Adam was no longer there.
A red glowing quarter hit the lich in the center of its chest.
The lich looked down at the coin that was bouncing off its ribcage, then up at Jack who was standing there with one hand outstretched after he had apparently thrown the coin. The lich squinted and pulled back his eye-rod to whip something particularly nasty at the newcomer, "Who the-"
Then his hand spasmed as a red aura over took his body, thus making him drop the eye-rod. Pulling his arm back to wind up an attack sent the eye-rod flying behind him. It skittered to a stop by the stage. The Lich tried to move as Jack made a fist.
"Something occurred to me while you and Adam were talking."
Jack lifted his fist up and at the same time the lich launched itself up into the air to smash into the ceiling. Just as fast Jack yanked his fist down sending the lich plummeting into the ground at great speed. The floor buckled under the impact and stunned the monster in the process. Jack kept his left fist clenched at the thing before him as he reached downward with his right. At the same time, his hold out pistol flew into his hand.
"You aren't alive."
Jack walked up to the lich now sprawled out on the ground. It started to twist its head around as it tried to lift itself up. Jack quick lifted his hand up and then brought it back down again, repeating the smashing into the ceiling and floor, "I'm cheating, you know? Normally you'd have to use telekineses for something like this, but that's so energy intensive." Lich went up. Lich came down. "So I'm making you jump. The stronger you are, the further you can jump, so technically I'm using your own strength against you. Well, enhanced strenght. I'm boosting you a bit as well." He grinned as he repeated the action a fourth time, "Ironic, no?"
The lich, with cracks forming throughout its body, lifted its head to face Jack, "WAIT! You don't understand the power of the Rod of Wyrmus! It can-"
Jack rested his pistol against the Lich's forehead and channeled everything into the bullet resting in the chamber, "I suspect a sunlight infused bullet will finish you off, right?" He pulled the trigger causing the Lich's skull to vaporize with an echoing BOOM. The fragments scattered in a shower of bright sparks and red tinted bone. The rest of the corpse remained partially crouched before Jack just long enough that Jack started to get nervous, but it quickly collapsed allowing Jack to let out the breath he had been holding.
"I guess so."
Jack looked round at the zombies and ghosts. They were still there, but unmoving. He looked at the nearest ghost, "Let me guess, the creepy eye-thing is what is animating you."
The ghost did nothing.
Jack started approaching the eye-rod, "Well, well, well... how to take care of you?"
The eye opened and an echoey voice appeared in Jack's head, ~I don't think that's going to be a concern of yours.~ A beam of unlight lanced out of the eye to hit Jack in the center of his chest. It was a photographic negative of what light should be and it didn't so much as impact with Jack as wash over him, like it was water coming out of a pressurized hose.
~TRANSFORM!~
Jack staggered back and stared down at himself. The beam stopped. Jack started looking over himself to see what was different.
Apparently Nothing.
The Eye seemed unhappy about that, judging by how its tentacles started to writhe about, ~I said TRANSFORM!!!~ Again the beam lanced out to hit Jack dead center and this time it didn't stop. Jack held up his hand to catch the beam and walked right up to the rod before poking the eye with a finger. The eye closed and went, ~OW!~
Jack picked up the rod and whacked it on the stage a few times before lifting it up to squint at it, "What the fuck was that suppose to do?"
The eye's tentacles shivered, ~It... it was supposed to twist you into your most evil form. Bring your greatest sin to the surface!~
Adam chimed in, ~Ummm...~
"Oh Shut the fuck up, Adam!" He placed the barrel of his gun against the eye and pulled the trigger. All it did was make a loud noise as it made the rod jerk in his hand.
The Eye chuckled, ~It seems you do not have the strength to kill me and I cannot transform you because you are already the ideal servant for my lord! So why don't we strike a deal? I feel great ambition in-~
"Nope." Jack turned around and held out his hand. His coin returned to him. He turned back to the stage and sent it over to bounce off The Golden Knight's sword and transfer his red aura to it.
The eye squinted, ~What are you doing? Are you turning down the-~
"Let me explain my greatest sin." The sword came flying to Jack's hand, "It's sloth. I'm a lazy mutherfucker who just likes to have fun and coast through life. That is why your fuckin' evil ray didn't do shit." He eyed the sword and focused intently, cycling through every possible 'sense' he could think of while he kept chatting up the eldritch artifact, "Basically, You have nothing to offer me."
The eye make a dismissive snorting sound, ~What are you going to do with that? You are hardly attuned to-~
The sword started glowing a new color. Jack's smile looked quite evil in that reflected orange glow, "Not attuned you say?" He glanced at the eye in his other hand, "Well, Shisui looks like she's willing to make an exception for me." He looked at the sword and gave it a quick kiss, "Isn't that right, Shisui?" He winked, "Let's keep this between us, shall we? What happens in the museum stays in the museum, eh?"
The eye suddenly started looking very nervous, ~Wait wait wait... how are you-~ The eye suddenly opened very wide, ~no... NO! Oh no! I know who you are! I am SORRY! I had no-~
Jack lifted the sword up high and spun it around in his hand to perform a downward thrust. Without preamble he drove it into the eye point first. The rod started to shudder as the sword started to feast on its energies. Both trembled in his hands until cracks started to form in the rod. Jack kept pressing the point of the blade into the eye without a single shred of mercy.
"Don't care."
The rod shattered in Jack's hand as a black squirming force was released and absorbed into Goldie's sword. With an echoing shriek, the force dwindled away into nothing, along with the sound as well.
Jack smirked at the sword, "Now don't go swimming for at least a half hour." The sword make a belching sound. Jack blinked in surprise, "Uh..." Before he had time to consider the implications, there were thudding sounds all around him.
The zombies all collapsed.
Jack turned around to look at the three ghosts floating nearby. They were freely moving now, but also beginning to fade away. Jack frowned and lowered the sword as he slowly shook his head, "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."
The nearest ghost remained the longest. She drifted over to Jack and reached out for his cheek as she dissipated. Her last act was to smile and mouth the words 'thank you' as she faded out.
Jack stood there for a few moments, taking in what just happened, then suddenly smacked his forehead, "All the undead are gone now! They'll be coming inside soon!" He turned to run over to Goldie and put the sword back in her hand, "Remember our deal." He muttered to the sword, as he knelt down beside her.
"Okay. Take over Adam."
Nothing happened.
"Adam?"
~I...~
"Hey. Adam. They're going be here soon. Take over!"
~...~
~Jack...~
~I can't do this anymore.~
"Who?"
The Lich looked disappointed at Adam's answer, "How typical." And started to turn away.
~Tell Him, 'WAIT!'~
Adam threw up both his hands at the Lich, "WAIT!"
The withered corpse paused to look over its shoulder at Adam.
~Remember that Russian mobster who came by to play cards? The one who liked to debate that Russia was better than America when he got drunk?~
Adam licked his lips and started sweating, "Wait wait... th-there was this... uh... Russian mobster..."
The Lich's skull somehow deformed to allow its eye ridges to squint with curiosity as it turned to fully face Adam again.
~Now Repeat after me...~
Adam nodded once the spoke with a shaky voice, "He... was a russian philosopher who... believed in the innocence of the Russian people and... that the russians were destined to... unite Christianity with fascism and thus... take over the world and purge it of its sins."
The Lich just stared at Adam.
A single drop of sweat rolled down Adam's face to his chin then dropped to fall to the floor.
"Not even close." The Zombies and ghosts started to slowly close in.
Adam's heart sank.
The Lich rolled the eye-rod in the air, "I mean, he WAS a Russian philosopher, but that wasn't what he talked about."
Adam laughed nervously, "Oh? Well, I'm from another universe! Di-di-different Ivan, I suppose."
The lich's eye light winked out like he was blinking, "Wait. You are from another universe?" The Undead again stopped moving.
Adam's eyes darted around as he kept talking, "Well, yes. Kinda like here, except no superpowers and the gender roles are reversed, but-"
The Lich suddenly closed the distance to get right in Adam's face, forcing him to take a step back in fear, "WHAT???"
Adam stared at the lich and slowly nodded.
The Lich turned away to start talking to the rod, "Do you hear that? A world without superpowers and the gender roles are reversed!" He looked at Adam, "Would you say that Men are dominate on your world? Because women are weaker?"
~And they need nine months to have a child!~
Adam swallowed, his mouth feeling very dry at the moment as he tried to talk, "Well... yes. As well as the fact that, uh... unlike in your world... it takes nine months for a woman to have a child, and a full year at least to recover before she has another." He gestured to the side, "You kinda need someone to take care of you if you are going to have a family."
The lich looked absolutely excited by this, "Really? You know, I published a paper about that sort of thing, explaining how the age of the meta was what brought about the living hell that is this world, what with the way men are oppressed and treated like second class citizens."
~Mention the difference in age of death!~
Adam reached up to wipe his forehead with the back of his hand, "Well, you might have a case there, what with the average person lives to be seventy eight in my world and dies around forty eight... here?"
The Lich held up a finger, "Your figures are out of date. The actual age of death is forty seven point three. "
Adam's face was as white as the ghosts that were drifting around him, "I stand corrected."
The Lich put a hand on his boney hip and tilted his head to the side as he looked at Adam, "So how'd you wind up this totally fucked?"
Adam rolled his eyes to look at the ceiling, "Well... you know... needed a job. And there was this attack by Toady Troll..."
The Lich pointed its Eye-rod at Adam, "Wait. That was you? The Topless angel?" A dark echoing laugher came bellowing out of its chest, "I saw That! THAT... was fuckin' hysterical!" He shook his head, "Everyone panicking about you not wearing a shirt!" He started looking more serious, "You know, there was a time it was the other way around?"
Adam nodded, "I can believe it. In my world if a woman goes around topless everyone freaks. Well..." he glanced to the side, "The women freak. The men all stare."
The Lich scratched his chin, "Oh? I see, I see... so in your society, men like breasts? That's... that makes sense. Never thought of that. Here it's kinda of a fetish thing. Like... you know how some women like feet?"
Adam hooked a thumb over his shoulder, "We got that too, except it is the men, usually. Like sucking on toes... or something. Not my thing. More... Japanese I think."
The Lich nodded, "I see. I see..." He looked up at the stage where the other two were, then back at Adam, "Ah look. I really want to talk with you more, but I'm on a bit of a schedule here. But tell you what." He pointed the eye-rod at Adam, "I'm gonna let you go to give a warning to everyone else that the age of the matriarchy is over and the rise of man has begun..." He pointed at the stage with the eye-rod, "Right after I kill your friends and turn them into my etherial brides." Its eye lights winked for a second, "Sound good?"
Adam shook his head very tightly and spoke in a squeaky voice, "Uh... no. Not really."
The lich's bone structure twisted and melted to make a rictus grin, "Well, it's not like I'm asking." He turned to the stage and started to walk away, "Trust me. You haven't been here long enough to know that these bastards have it coming."
"Allow me to make a counter argument."
The lich stopped. That last sentence did not sound like it was coming from Adam. It was strong, confident, and a whole octave deeper. He turned around to look at Adam, "What-" But Adam was no longer there.
A red glowing quarter hit the lich in the center of its chest.
The lich looked down at the coin that was bouncing off its ribcage, then up at Jack who was standing there with one hand outstretched after he had apparently thrown the coin. The lich squinted and pulled back his eye-rod to whip something particularly nasty at the newcomer, "Who the-"
Then his hand spasmed as a red aura over took his body, thus making him drop the eye-rod. Pulling his arm back to wind up an attack sent the eye-rod flying behind him. It skittered to a stop by the stage. The Lich tried to move as Jack made a fist.
"Something occurred to me while you and Adam were talking."
Jack lifted his fist up and at the same time the lich launched itself up into the air to smash into the ceiling. Just as fast Jack yanked his fist down sending the lich plummeting into the ground at great speed. The floor buckled under the impact and stunned the monster in the process. Jack kept his left fist clenched at the thing before him as he reached downward with his right. At the same time, his hold out pistol flew into his hand.
"You aren't alive."
Jack walked up to the lich now sprawled out on the ground. It started to twist its head around as it tried to lift itself up. Jack quick lifted his hand up and then brought it back down again, repeating the smashing into the ceiling and floor, "I'm cheating, you know? Normally you'd have to use telekineses for something like this, but that's so energy intensive." Lich went up. Lich came down. "So I'm making you jump. The stronger you are, the further you can jump, so technically I'm using your own strength against you. Well, enhanced strenght. I'm boosting you a bit as well." He grinned as he repeated the action a fourth time, "Ironic, no?"
The lich, with cracks forming throughout its body, lifted its head to face Jack, "WAIT! You don't understand the power of the Rod of Wyrmus! It can-"
Jack rested his pistol against the Lich's forehead and channeled everything into the bullet resting in the chamber, "I suspect a sunlight infused bullet will finish you off, right?" He pulled the trigger causing the Lich's skull to vaporize with an echoing BOOM. The fragments scattered in a shower of bright sparks and red tinted bone. The rest of the corpse remained partially crouched before Jack just long enough that Jack started to get nervous, but it quickly collapsed allowing Jack to let out the breath he had been holding.
"I guess so."
Jack looked round at the zombies and ghosts. They were still there, but unmoving. He looked at the nearest ghost, "Let me guess, the creepy eye-thing is what is animating you."
The ghost did nothing.
Jack started approaching the eye-rod, "Well, well, well... how to take care of you?"
The eye opened and an echoey voice appeared in Jack's head, ~I don't think that's going to be a concern of yours.~ A beam of unlight lanced out of the eye to hit Jack in the center of his chest. It was a photographic negative of what light should be and it didn't so much as impact with Jack as wash over him, like it was water coming out of a pressurized hose.
~TRANSFORM!~
Jack staggered back and stared down at himself. The beam stopped. Jack started looking over himself to see what was different.
Apparently Nothing.
The Eye seemed unhappy about that, judging by how its tentacles started to writhe about, ~I said TRANSFORM!!!~ Again the beam lanced out to hit Jack dead center and this time it didn't stop. Jack held up his hand to catch the beam and walked right up to the rod before poking the eye with a finger. The eye closed and went, ~OW!~
Jack picked up the rod and whacked it on the stage a few times before lifting it up to squint at it, "What the fuck was that suppose to do?"
The eye's tentacles shivered, ~It... it was supposed to twist you into your most evil form. Bring your greatest sin to the surface!~
Adam chimed in, ~Ummm...~
"Oh Shut the fuck up, Adam!" He placed the barrel of his gun against the eye and pulled the trigger. All it did was make a loud noise as it made the rod jerk in his hand.
The Eye chuckled, ~It seems you do not have the strength to kill me and I cannot transform you because you are already the ideal servant for my lord! So why don't we strike a deal? I feel great ambition in-~
"Nope." Jack turned around and held out his hand. His coin returned to him. He turned back to the stage and sent it over to bounce off The Golden Knight's sword and transfer his red aura to it.
The eye squinted, ~What are you doing? Are you turning down the-~
"Let me explain my greatest sin." The sword came flying to Jack's hand, "It's sloth. I'm a lazy mutherfucker who just likes to have fun and coast through life. That is why your fuckin' evil ray didn't do shit." He eyed the sword and focused intently, cycling through every possible 'sense' he could think of while he kept chatting up the eldritch artifact, "Basically, You have nothing to offer me."
The eye make a dismissive snorting sound, ~What are you going to do with that? You are hardly attuned to-~
The sword started glowing a new color. Jack's smile looked quite evil in that reflected orange glow, "Not attuned you say?" He glanced at the eye in his other hand, "Well, Shisui looks like she's willing to make an exception for me." He looked at the sword and gave it a quick kiss, "Isn't that right, Shisui?" He winked, "Let's keep this between us, shall we? What happens in the museum stays in the museum, eh?"
The eye suddenly started looking very nervous, ~Wait wait wait... how are you-~ The eye suddenly opened very wide, ~no... NO! Oh no! I know who you are! I am SORRY! I had no-~
Jack lifted the sword up high and spun it around in his hand to perform a downward thrust. Without preamble he drove it into the eye point first. The rod started to shudder as the sword started to feast on its energies. Both trembled in his hands until cracks started to form in the rod. Jack kept pressing the point of the blade into the eye without a single shred of mercy.
"Don't care."
The rod shattered in Jack's hand as a black squirming force was released and absorbed into Goldie's sword. With an echoing shriek, the force dwindled away into nothing, along with the sound as well.
Jack smirked at the sword, "Now don't go swimming for at least a half hour." The sword make a belching sound. Jack blinked in surprise, "Uh..." Before he had time to consider the implications, there were thudding sounds all around him.
The zombies all collapsed.
Jack turned around to look at the three ghosts floating nearby. They were freely moving now, but also beginning to fade away. Jack frowned and lowered the sword as he slowly shook his head, "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."
The nearest ghost remained the longest. She drifted over to Jack and reached out for his cheek as she dissipated. Her last act was to smile and mouth the words 'thank you' as she faded out.
Jack stood there for a few moments, taking in what just happened, then suddenly smacked his forehead, "All the undead are gone now! They'll be coming inside soon!" He turned to run over to Goldie and put the sword back in her hand, "Remember our deal." He muttered to the sword, as he knelt down beside her.
"Okay. Take over Adam."
Nothing happened.
"Adam?"
~I...~
"Hey. Adam. They're going be here soon. Take over!"
~...~
~Jack...~
~I can't do this anymore.~
