Chapter 113
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If Carynne wouldn’t go, how long would Raymond be away on military duty? Raymond said that she wouldn’t be directly affected by his retirement from the military and his new post as member of the Assembly. However, the opponent right now was royalty. And, for that matter, the crown prince.
How far would Raymond be able to defy that man? Even now, Raymond wasn’t around Carynne. To what extent would he be able to protect her?
“Will Sir Raymond be safe only if I answer Crown Prince Gueuze’s summons?”
Should she?
He was acting like many other tyrants would. Had Raymond gone to a dangerous place, just like all the other husbands or fiancés who lost their wives or fiancées to powerful men? Then, did this mean that Carynne would need to go to Crown Prince Gueuze in exchange for Raymond’s safety? Until he was satisfied? Until he’d get bored of her? Until when?
But Carynne still had to choose.
In the end, she had to choose one or the other. And if Carynne had to pick, she would choose the side that had more weight behind it—the side that she would have to do.
However, there were two problems.
First, it was Crown Prince Gueuze, one of her mother’s former suitors. And her mother was a human being who had lived a repetitive life, just like herself. Carynne didn’t want to use the same rod that her mother might have used. That would be exceedingly unsanitary. Just thinking about it triggered an instinctive unwillingness.
“I’ll have to bear with it.”
In her mind’s eye, Carynne could imagine that it’s the same as food waste getting shoved down her throat, but she sighed and tried to persuade herself.
Considering all the years she lived in this repetitive life, Gueuze was definitely younger than her. She comforted herself with this thought. Still, there were quite a few things that she loathed, even as she had already lived to this age.
Then again, there lay a much bigger problem than this.
The second problem was whether this was the kind of love that Dullan had in mind.
There were many stories about women leaving their man for another man. It was such a common story that could be heard anywhere.
However, Carynne had never once heard a happy ending amid those stories, where the man and the woman were happily married. The best case scenario was that the couple would bury the matter and pretend that it never happened. With Raymond, that didn’t seem likely.
Should Carynne spread her legs in front of Crown Prince Gueuze—for the sake of Raymond?
Was that love?
Carynne remained alone in that room, staring at the portraits hanging on the walls. She stared at those women. She stared at her mother.
If she were to whore herself out in the name of love, was that still love?
Did you all do that, too?
Would the priest acknowledge that as true love?
If she genuinely loves Raymond, should she sleep with another man for his sake?
“…If I become that old geezer’s plaything, will that prove my love?”
It’s not even funny.
From the beginning, why did she want to kill people? Did she not take up a knife in her hand for the sheer reason that she didn’t want to be killed anymore? Wasn’t that why she wanted to live a refreshing new life, even a little?
Why must she be so pathetically conflicted?
Why must she have to take this filthy test?
As chaos filled her completely, the night fell.
And, soon, it was morning once more.
* * *
“Milady, it’s time for your meal, but…”
“Get out.”
Carynne lay face down.
I don’t want to meet anyone. I don’t even want to think about anything. I want to procrastinate as much as I could. I do not want to decide. I do not want to choose. I’ll just stay here and wait, and once Raymond comes back—I will try to love him. Then after that, I’ll decide whether I’ll go to Crown Prince Gueuze or not. It might be better if we decide on it together because, after all, maybe this is love?
“This letter…”
Carynne handed a letter to Donna. There was no recipient written on the envelope. Carynne spoke again.
“Send it to Dullan.”
Rather than making the wrong decision by herself, what Carynne decided to do now was to peek into the answer sheet. She did not want to try and analyze this more. If he’d say it’s correct to go, then she would go. If she’s told to go, she would, even if she felt disgusted by how unsanitary it would be. But if she was told not to go, what if Raymond would die? Ah well, that would be on Dullan.
Carynne was sick and tired of everything.
Raymond. Dullan. Gueuze. Verdic. Isella.
She’s tired of them all.
* * *
But Raymond did not come. Dullan did not reply.
Buried beneath a field of flowers, Carynne counted. One, two, three…
And she thought about the past. What was he like back then? At that time…
* * *
The night had fallen once more, and the meeting day that Crown Prince Gueuze had set was now here.
Knock, knock.
Someone knocked on the door. Donna didn’t seem to be here. Carynne covered her ears with a pillow. She was still in her nightgown. She closed her eyes. Really, she did not want to go. She did not want to use what her mother had used.
“It’s fine.”
Her time was almost up. A month and a half. That’s when Carynne’s wedding would be. And, the day after that, Carynne would either end, or this time would end.
Knock, knock.
Her legs would not need to be spread anymore. Her throat would not need to be slit anymore. No, not anymore.
Knock, knock.
“Leave.”
“Receive the order.”
A stranger came in, not Donna. It was a man in civilian clothes. However, his face was ruggish and his arms were thick. This man’s entire body screamed he did dirty work.
Carynne scowled.
“I said leave.”
“Crown Prince Gueuze has issued an order to bring you to him.”
“Tell him I’m not here.”
“I cannot lie to His Highness.”
“I’m about to get married, so why are you doing this?”
“I follow the will of only Crown Prince Gueuze. And His Highness wants to talk to you.”
The man grabbed Carynne’s wrist, and so she was forced to stand up from the bed.
She shouted towards the door.
“Donna!”
“……”
“Tell Countess Elva!”
This was a terrible abuse of power. Regardless of how incapable Crown Prince Gueuze was with picking up women, he couldn’t just take a woman living in a count’s residence like this, let alone the fiancée of a barony’s representative.
“Let go of me. Are you planning on dragging me out like an animal like this?”
“I’m just following orders. Carynne Evans, stood up and heed His Highness’ order. He wishes to meet you.”
“DONNA!”
But there was no answer. The maid wasn’t here.
Since when had she been gone?
Carynne regretted keeping only a few people around her. At the very least, Countess Elva should know. Or perhaps Lianne. She couldn’t get dragged away without anyone knowing about it. Even if she was to be silenced here, there should at least be one person who’d be able to witness this.
But why was there no one here?
The man pulled Carynne’s arm.
“…Carynne Evans, please remain quiet.”
“What’s your rank? Which household are you from? Identify yourself.”
“That’s something you don’t have to know.”
Carynne noted that this man’s clothes were plain, and his tone and accent were also rough, so she surmised that he was not officially employed by the royal family. If he was officially employed, he wouldn’t speak this way.
She looked around. There were a few more men who resembled him behind his figure.
“Even if you’re acting under Crown Prince Gueuze’s orders, it’s ridiculous how you’re dragging a sleeping person out in the middle of the night. Tell him to send an invitation officially.”
“Ha.”
“If he wants to sleep with me, tell him to at least treat me like a concubine.”
SLAP!
Carynne heaved.
What the, just now. That man. Just now. My cheek. My face.
Her head was spinning. She blinked. Unexpected violence from an unexpected person. Tears formed around her eyes.
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If Carynne wouldn’t go, how long would Raymond be away on military duty? Raymond said that she wouldn’t be directly affected by his retirement from the military and his new post as member of the Assembly. However, the opponent right now was royalty. And, for that matter, the crown prince.
How far would Raymond be able to defy that man? Even now, Raymond wasn’t around Carynne. To what extent would he be able to protect her?
“Will Sir Raymond be safe only if I answer Crown Prince Gueuze’s summons?”
Should she?
He was acting like many other tyrants would. Had Raymond gone to a dangerous place, just like all the other husbands or fiancés who lost their wives or fiancées to powerful men? Then, did this mean that Carynne would need to go to Crown Prince Gueuze in exchange for Raymond’s safety? Until he was satisfied? Until he’d get bored of her? Until when?
But Carynne still had to choose.
In the end, she had to choose one or the other. And if Carynne had to pick, she would choose the side that had more weight behind it—the side that she would have to do.
However, there were two problems.
First, it was Crown Prince Gueuze, one of her mother’s former suitors. And her mother was a human being who had lived a repetitive life, just like herself. Carynne didn’t want to use the same rod that her mother might have used. That would be exceedingly unsanitary. Just thinking about it triggered an instinctive unwillingness.
“I’ll have to bear with it.”
In her mind’s eye, Carynne could imagine that it’s the same as food waste getting shoved down her throat, but she sighed and tried to persuade herself.
Considering all the years she lived in this repetitive life, Gueuze was definitely younger than her. She comforted herself with this thought. Still, there were quite a few things that she loathed, even as she had already lived to this age.
Then again, there lay a much bigger problem than this.
The second problem was whether this was the kind of love that Dullan had in mind.
There were many stories about women leaving their man for another man. It was such a common story that could be heard anywhere.
However, Carynne had never once heard a happy ending amid those stories, where the man and the woman were happily married. The best case scenario was that the couple would bury the matter and pretend that it never happened. With Raymond, that didn’t seem likely.
Should Carynne spread her legs in front of Crown Prince Gueuze—for the sake of Raymond?
Was that love?
Carynne remained alone in that room, staring at the portraits hanging on the walls. She stared at those women. She stared at her mother.
If she were to whore herself out in the name of love, was that still love?
Did you all do that, too?
Would the priest acknowledge that as true love?
If she genuinely loves Raymond, should she sleep with another man for his sake?
“…If I become that old geezer’s plaything, will that prove my love?”
It’s not even funny.
From the beginning, why did she want to kill people? Did she not take up a knife in her hand for the sheer reason that she didn’t want to be killed anymore? Wasn’t that why she wanted to live a refreshing new life, even a little?
Why must she be so pathetically conflicted?
Why must she have to take this filthy test?
As chaos filled her completely, the night fell.
And, soon, it was morning once more.
* * *
“Milady, it’s time for your meal, but…”
“Get out.”
Carynne lay face down.
I don’t want to meet anyone. I don’t even want to think about anything. I want to procrastinate as much as I could. I do not want to decide. I do not want to choose. I’ll just stay here and wait, and once Raymond comes back—I will try to love him. Then after that, I’ll decide whether I’ll go to Crown Prince Gueuze or not. It might be better if we decide on it together because, after all, maybe this is love?
“This letter…”
Carynne handed a letter to Donna. There was no recipient written on the envelope. Carynne spoke again.
“Send it to Dullan.”
Rather than making the wrong decision by herself, what Carynne decided to do now was to peek into the answer sheet. She did not want to try and analyze this more. If he’d say it’s correct to go, then she would go. If she’s told to go, she would, even if she felt disgusted by how unsanitary it would be. But if she was told not to go, what if Raymond would die? Ah well, that would be on Dullan.
Carynne was sick and tired of everything.
Raymond. Dullan. Gueuze. Verdic. Isella.
She’s tired of them all.
* * *
But Raymond did not come. Dullan did not reply.
Buried beneath a field of flowers, Carynne counted. One, two, three…
And she thought about the past. What was he like back then? At that time…
* * *
The night had fallen once more, and the meeting day that Crown Prince Gueuze had set was now here.
Knock, knock.
Someone knocked on the door. Donna didn’t seem to be here. Carynne covered her ears with a pillow. She was still in her nightgown. She closed her eyes. Really, she did not want to go. She did not want to use what her mother had used.
“It’s fine.”
Her time was almost up. A month and a half. That’s when Carynne’s wedding would be. And, the day after that, Carynne would either end, or this time would end.
Knock, knock.
Her legs would not need to be spread anymore. Her throat would not need to be slit anymore. No, not anymore.
Knock, knock.
“Leave.”
“Receive the order.”
A stranger came in, not Donna. It was a man in civilian clothes. However, his face was ruggish and his arms were thick. This man’s entire body screamed he did dirty work.
Carynne scowled.
“I said leave.”
“Crown Prince Gueuze has issued an order to bring you to him.”
“Tell him I’m not here.”
“I cannot lie to His Highness.”
“I’m about to get married, so why are you doing this?”
“I follow the will of only Crown Prince Gueuze. And His Highness wants to talk to you.”
The man grabbed Carynne’s wrist, and so she was forced to stand up from the bed.
She shouted towards the door.
“Donna!”
“……”
“Tell Countess Elva!”
This was a terrible abuse of power. Regardless of how incapable Crown Prince Gueuze was with picking up women, he couldn’t just take a woman living in a count’s residence like this, let alone the fiancée of a barony’s representative.
“Let go of me. Are you planning on dragging me out like an animal like this?”
“I’m just following orders. Carynne Evans, stood up and heed His Highness’ order. He wishes to meet you.”
“DONNA!”
But there was no answer. The maid wasn’t here.
Since when had she been gone?
Carynne regretted keeping only a few people around her. At the very least, Countess Elva should know. Or perhaps Lianne. She couldn’t get dragged away without anyone knowing about it. Even if she was to be silenced here, there should at least be one person who’d be able to witness this.
But why was there no one here?
The man pulled Carynne’s arm.
“…Carynne Evans, please remain quiet.”
“What’s your rank? Which household are you from? Identify yourself.”
“That’s something you don’t have to know.”
Carynne noted that this man’s clothes were plain, and his tone and accent were also rough, so she surmised that he was not officially employed by the royal family. If he was officially employed, he wouldn’t speak this way.
She looked around. There were a few more men who resembled him behind his figure.
“Even if you’re acting under Crown Prince Gueuze’s orders, it’s ridiculous how you’re dragging a sleeping person out in the middle of the night. Tell him to send an invitation officially.”
“Ha.”
“If he wants to sleep with me, tell him to at least treat me like a concubine.”
SLAP!
Carynne heaved.
What the, just now. That man. Just now. My cheek. My face.
Her head was spinning. She blinked. Unexpected violence from an unexpected person. Tears formed around her eyes.
If Carynne wouldn't go, how long would Raymond be away on military duty? Raymond said that she wouldn't be directly affected by his retirement from the military and his new post as member of the Assembly. However, the opponent right now was royalty. And, for that matter, the crown prince.How far would Raymond be able to defy that man? Even now, Raymond wasn't around Carynne. To what extent would he be able to protect her?Will Sir Raymond be safe only if I answer Crown Prince Gueuze's summons?Should she?He was acting like many other tyrants would. Had Raymond gone to a dangerous place, just like all the other husbands or fiancs who lost their wives or fiances to powerful men? Then, did this mean that Carynne would need to go to Crown Prince Gueuze in exchange for Raymond's safety? Until he was satisfied? Until he'd get bored of her? Until when?But Carynne still had to choose.In the end, she had to choose one or the other. And if Carynne had to pick, she would choose the side that had more weight behind itthe side that she wouldhaveto do.However, there were two problems.First, it was Crown Prince Gueuze, one of her mother's former suitors. And her mother was a human being who had lived a repetitive life, just like herself. Carynne didn't want to use the same rod that her mother might have used. That would be exceedingly unsanitary. Just thinking about it triggered an instinctive unwillingness.I'll have to bear with it.In her mind's eye, Carynne could imagine that it's the same as food waste getting shoved down her throat, but she sighed and tried to persuade herself.Considering all the years she lived in this repetitive life, Gueuze was definitely younger than her. She comforted herself with this thought. Still, there were quite a few things that she loathed, even as she had already lived to this age.Then again, there lay a much bigger problem than this.The second problem was whether this was the kind of love that Dullan had in mind.There were many stories about women leaving their man for another man. It was such a common story that could be heard anywhere.However, Carynne had never once heard a happy ending amid those stories, where the man and the woman were happily married. The best case scenario was that the couple would bury the matter and pretend that it never happened. With Raymond, that didn't seem likely.Should Carynne spread her legs in front of Crown Prince Gueuzefor the sake of Raymond?Was that love?Carynne remained alone in that room, staring at the portraits hanging on the walls. She stared at those women. She stared at her mother.If she were to whore herself out in the name of love, was that still love?Did you all do that, too?Would the priest acknowledge that as true love?If she genuinely loves Raymond, should she sleep with another man for his sake?If I become that old geezer's plaything, will that prove my love?It's not even funny.From the beginning, why did she want to kill people? Did she not take up a knife in her hand for the sheer reason that she didn't want tobekilled anymore? Wasn't that why she wanted to live a refreshing new life, even a little?Why must she be so pathetically conflicted?Why must she have to take this filthy test?As chaos filled her completely, the night fell.And, soon, it was morning once more.* * *Milady, it's time for your meal, butGet out.Carynne lay face down.I don't want to meet anyone. I don't even want to think about anything. I want to procrastinate as much as I could. I do not want to decide. I do not want to choose. I'll just stay here and wait, and once Raymond comes backI will try to love him. Then after that, I'll decide whether I'll go to Crown Prince Gueuze or not. It might be better if we decide on it together because, after all, maybe this is love?This letterCarynne handed a letter to Donna. There was no recipient written on the envelope. Carynne spoke again.Send it to Dullan.Rather than making the wrong decision by herself, what Carynne decided to do now was to peek into the answer sheet. She did not want to try and analyze this more. If he'd say it's correct to go, then she would go. If she's told to go, she would, even if she felt disgusted by how unsanitary it would be. But if she was toldnotto go, what if Raymond would die? Ah well, that would be on Dullan.Carynne was sick and tired of everything.Raymond. Dullan. Gueuze. Verdic. Isella.She's tired of them all.* * *But Raymond did not come. Dullan did not reply.Buried beneath a field of flowers, Carynne counted. One, two, threeAnd she thought about the past. What was he like back then? At that time* * *The night had fallen once more, and the meeting day that Crown Prince Gueuze had set was now here.Knock, knock.Someone knocked on the door. Donna didn't seem to be here. Carynne covered her ears with a pillow. She was still in her nightgown. She closed her eyes. Really, she did not want to go. She did not want to use what her mother had used.It's fine.Her time was almost up. A month and a half. That's when Carynne's wedding would be. And, the day after that, Carynne would either end, or this time would end.Knock, knock.Her legs would not need to be spread anymore. Her throat would not need to be slit anymore. No, not anymore.Knock, knock.Leave.Receive the order.A stranger came in, not Donna. It was a man in civilian clothes. However, his face was ruggish and his arms were thick. This man's entire body screamed he did dirty work.Carynne scowled.I said leave.Crown Prince Gueuze has issued an order to bring you to him.Tell him I'm not here.I cannot lie to His Highness.I'm about to get married, so why are you doing this?I follow the will of only Crown Prince Gueuze. And His Highness wants to talk to you.The man grabbed Carynne's wrist, and so she was forced to stand up from the bed.She shouted towards the door.Donna!Tell Countess Elva!This was a terrible abuse of power. Regardless of how incapable Crown Prince Gueuze was with picking up women, he couldn't just take a woman living in a count's residence like this, let alone the fiance of a barony's representative.Let go of me. Are you planning on dragging me out like an animal like this?I'm just following orders. Carynne Evans, stood up and heed His Highness' order. He wishes to meet you.DONNA!But there was no answer. The maid wasn't here.Since when had she been gone?Carynne regretted keeping only a few people around her. At the very least, Countess Elva should know. Or perhaps Lianne. She couldn't get dragged away without anyone knowing about it. Even if she was to be silenced here, there should at least be one person who'd be able to witness this.But why was there no one here?The man pulled Carynne's arm.Carynne Evans, please remain quiet.What's your rank? Which household are you from? Identify yourself.That's something you don't have to know.Carynne noted that this man's clothes were plain, and his tone and accent were also rough, so she surmised that he was not officially employed by the royal family. If he was officially employed, he wouldn't speak this way.She looked around. There were a few more men who resembled him behind his figure.Even if you're acting under Crown Prince Gueuze's orders, it's ridiculous how you're dragging a sleeping person out in the middle of the night. Tell him to send an invitation officially.Ha.If he wants to sleep with me, tell him to at least treat me like a concubine.SLAP!Carynne heaved.What the, just now. That man. Just now. My cheek. My face.Her head was spinning. She blinked. Unexpected violence from an unexpected person. Tears formed around her eyes.
