[2009 – June]
Watching the dead body on the ground and knowing I was responsible for his death, didn't cause me too much discomfort as I didn't feel guilt over what I had done.
Still, taking another life wasn't a pleasant feeling at all. It felt like my soul had been tainted by this act, this violation of nature.
Sighing quietly, it was at this moment that I realised that my old life had ended.
I was no longer a man filled with hollow despair and plagued by depression, but likewise, I was also no longer sheltered from the true cruelty and darkness of the world.
My past life was over, once and for all.
This was the first step on a journey that knew no returns and tolerated no hesitation.
The inconceivable dangers inherent to this world simply left me with no choice but to either reach my goal and attain absolute freedom, or die.
There was no other end to this path. No other end to my life. And there was no room for mercy in it either.
Mercy without the strength to protect oneself from possible repercussions wasn't mercy at all, it was folly. And while I was many things, a fool wasn't one of them.
Hesitating no longer, I threw one last indifferent look at the body, imprinting what I had done here into my mind – as a lesson and a reminder – before I surrounded myself with a forcefield and took off into the sky.
…
Looking at the skyline of New York City at night was definitely a great experience. And doing so from the roof of a skyscraper I flew myself to, made it an even more captivating experience.
Up here, I could vaguely hear the bustling of the city that never slept, but it also gave me a sense of calm to watch it without being part of it myself.
I savoured these moments of lonesome observation as I took my time to sort out my inner turmoil.
Taking a life left a burdensome aftertaste.
Not because of guilt or the question of morality, but simply because it wasn't something that one could do without being affected by it, no matter how one rationalized it.
Still, these quiet moments that I had just for myself, were enough to give me back my calm and accept the burden of my actions with a serene heart.
I knew that death and violence were part of my journey and that much more blood would flow before I reached my destination. It was inevitable, as even now I already had a list of beings in my mind that I had to eliminate, while at the same time I was sure that more would be added to it along the way.
In the end, my freedom had a price and I was going to pay it. I had to, and I was willing to.
Letting myself fall backwards, I lay on the ledge of the building as I stared into the night sky.
"Nothing's for free, huh … ", I whispered while sighing to myself.
Another few minutes passed, which I spent star-gazing thinking about all the places I wanted to visit in this vast galaxy.
Suddenly my new phone rang, though as I had only given the number to Jean as of yet, it was either her or one of my new half-siblings.
Taking it out of my pocket, the time displayed was 00:57 and the name on the screen read 'Jean Grey',
Accepting the call, I brought the phone to my ear as I answered it: "Jean? You called late, is everything alright?"
"Yeah, I … It's … C-can I come o-over? I-I just want to see you.", she replied in a subdued and cracked voice that caused a frown to appear on my face.
"Of course, give me a moment. I will be back right away.", I assured her, as worry made its way into my heart.
“Okay-y.”, Jean responded quietly, before I hung up.
Quickly conjuring up a portal, I stepped through it without hesitation, arriving in my apartment a moment later.
Moving towards the door, I was about to call Jean again but the moment I opened it, I found her standing in front of me, hopelessness and sorrowful anger in her eyes, while still wearing her trainee costume.
"Jea- … ", I couldn't even finish my sentence before she dived into my chest.
Reflexively closing my arms around her, I felt her trembling in a heart-breaking manner as quiet sobs shock her form.
Closing and locking the door with a quickly summoned shield, I softly stroked her back, while Jean clung to me as if she was about to drown and I was her lifeboat. Her fist tightly gripped my hoodie, while her whole form was pressed into me.
I didn't know what had happened on that mission, but it clearly had been a traumatic experience, and the fact that she came to me for comfort, made me feel warm at heart but at the same time sorrowful.
The fact that she didn't have anybody else besides me – who she knew barely a day – to lean on and cry out her sorrows, was a tragedy in itself.
“It's alright, I am here for you, Jean.”, I whispered soothingly, feeling her grip on my sweater tighten even more.
Grabbing her sides, I lifted her up as she crossed her legs behind my back, burying her head in the crook of my neck while I carried her to the armchair and sat down with her in my lap. Brushing over her hair and back for the next few minutes until she finally calmed down somewhat.
“Tough mission?”, I question softly.
"Mhm … I-I am sorry for ambushing you like that.", Jean nodded while apologizing softly.
Looking at the red eyes and tear-streaked face, deep hurt in her eyes, I replied with a soft smile: “It's alright, you're always welcome.”
After a short pause, I added: “Wanna tell me about it?”
"Not now.", Jean whispered softly, as her face slowly neared mine and she continued, "Right now, I just want to be with you."
Placing her pillowy lips onto mine, Jean tentatively brushed over my lips with her tongue, before I opened my mouth and our tongues began to slowly and gently caress each other.
This kiss was different than the ones we had before. It was slow, soothing, and almost loving in its intimacy.
One of my hands was buried in her long hair and the other placed at her side, while hers were laying on my neck, her thumbs gently brushing over the lower part of my jaw.
Inhaling her scent with every breath and tasting her sweetness with every flick of her tongue, I couldn't help but long for her the moment our lips parted so that we could breathe again.
"How about changing into something more comfortable?", I questioned softly against her lips, my eyes still closed as our foreheads were pressed together.
Her breath poured over my lips, as she answered quietly: “Okay.”
[2009 – June]
Watching the dead body on the ground and knowing I was responsible for his death, didn't cause me too much discomfort as I didn't feel guilt over what I had done.
Still, taking another life wasn't a pleasant feeling at all. It felt like my soul had been tainted by this act, this violation of nature.
Sighing quietly, it was at this moment that I realised that my old life had ended.
I was no longer a man filled with hollow despair and plagued by depression, but likewise, I was also no longer sheltered from the true cruelty and darkness of the world.
My past life was over, once and for all.
This was the first step on a journey that knew no returns and tolerated no hesitation.
The inconceivable dangers inherent to this world simply left me with no choice but to either reach my goal and attain absolute freedom, or die.
There was no other end to this path. No other end to my life. And there was no room for mercy in it either.
Mercy without the strength to protect oneself from possible repercussions wasn't mercy at all, it was folly. And while I was many things, a fool wasn't one of them.
Hesitating no longer, I threw one last indifferent look at the body, imprinting what I had done here into my mind – as a lesson and a reminder – before I surrounded myself with a forcefield and took off into the sky.
…
Looking at the skyline of New York City at night was definitely a great experience. And doing so from the roof of a skyscraper I flew myself to, made it an even more captivating experience.
Up here, I could vaguely hear the bustling of the city that never slept, but it also gave me a sense of calm to watch it without being part of it myself.
I savoured these moments of lonesome observation as I took my time to sort out my inner turmoil.
Taking a life left a burdensome aftertaste.
Not because of guilt or the question of morality, but simply because it wasn't something that one could do without being affected by it, no matter how one rationalized it.
Still, these quiet moments that I had just for myself, were enough to give me back my calm and accept the burden of my actions with a serene heart.
I knew that death and violence were part of my journey and that much more blood would flow before I reached my destination. It was inevitable, as even now I already had a list of beings in my mind that I had to eliminate, while at the same time I was sure that more would be added to it along the way.
In the end, my freedom had a price and I was going to pay it. I had to, and I was willing to.
Letting myself fall backwards, I lay on the ledge of the building as I stared into the night sky.
"Nothing's for free, huh … ", I whispered while sighing to myself.
Another few minutes passed, which I spent star-gazing thinking about all the places I wanted to visit in this vast galaxy.
Suddenly my new phone rang, though as I had only given the number to Jean as of yet, it was either her or one of my new half-siblings.
Taking it out of my pocket, the time displayed was 00:57 and the name on the screen read 'Jean Grey',
Accepting the call, I brought the phone to my ear as I answered it: "Jean? You called late, is everything alright?"
"Yeah, I … It's … C-can I come o-over? I-I just want to see you.", she replied in a subdued and cracked voice that caused a frown to appear on my face.
"Of course, give me a moment. I will be back right away.", I assured her, as worry made its way into my heart.
“Okay-y.”, Jean responded quietly, before I hung up.
Quickly conjuring up a portal, I stepped through it without hesitation, arriving in my apartment a moment later.
Moving towards the door, I was about to call Jean again but the moment I opened it, I found her standing in front of me, hopelessness and sorrowful anger in her eyes, while still wearing her trainee costume.
"Jea- … ", I couldn't even finish my sentence before she dived into my chest.
Reflexively closing my arms around her, I felt her trembling in a heart-breaking manner as quiet sobs shock her form.
Closing and locking the door with a quickly summoned shield, I softly stroked her back, while Jean clung to me as if she was about to drown and I was her lifeboat. Her fist tightly gripped my hoodie, while her whole form was pressed into me.
I didn't know what had happened on that mission, but it clearly had been a traumatic experience, and the fact that she came to me for comfort, made me feel warm at heart but at the same time sorrowful.
The fact that she didn't have anybody else besides me – who she knew barely a day – to lean on and cry out her sorrows, was a tragedy in itself.
“It's alright, I am here for you, Jean.”, I whispered soothingly, feeling her grip on my sweater tighten even more.
Grabbing her sides, I lifted her up as she crossed her legs behind my back, burying her head in the crook of my neck while I carried her to the armchair and sat down with her in my lap. Brushing over her hair and back for the next few minutes until she finally calmed down somewhat.
“Tough mission?”, I question softly.
"Mhm … I-I am sorry for ambushing you like that.", Jean nodded while apologizing softly.
Looking at the red eyes and tear-streaked face, deep hurt in her eyes, I replied with a soft smile: “It's alright, you're always welcome.”
After a short pause, I added: “Wanna tell me about it?”
"Not now.", Jean whispered softly, as her face slowly neared mine and she continued, "Right now, I just want to be with you."
Placing her pillowy lips onto mine, Jean tentatively brushed over my lips with her tongue, before I opened my mouth and our tongues began to slowly and gently caress each other.
This kiss was different than the ones we had before. It was slow, soothing, and almost loving in its intimacy.
One of my hands was buried in her long hair and the other placed at her side, while hers were laying on my neck, her thumbs gently brushing over the lower part of my jaw.
Inhaling her scent with every breath and tasting her sweetness with every flick of her tongue, I couldn't help but long for her the moment our lips parted so that we could breathe again.
"How about changing into something more comfortable?", I questioned softly against her lips, my eyes still closed as our foreheads were pressed together.
Her breath poured over my lips, as she answered quietly: “Okay.”
