Chapter 105: Emotions [2]
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The group reached Damien’s house and separated into their own rooms, with Rose following Damien to his. It wasn’t abnormal for this to happen, so nobody questioned it.
Entering the room, Rose went directly to the bed, patting the spot next to her as if asking Damien to sit.
He was a bit flabbergasted by her actions but did as she said anyway. It was strange to him that she would act like this before he even said anything.
“So? It was pretty obvious on the way here, what did you want to talk about?”
Damien’s eyes widened. He was sure he had kept his facial expressions as deadpan as possible so as to avoid dropping any hints, but it seemed he didn’t do as well as he originally thoughts.
Although he had built up the resolve to communicate with Rose about what he was feeling, it was different when they actually got to the point. Damien was feeling incredibly nervous for no real reason.
Thinking he should communicate and actually bringing himself to do so were two different things entirely. When it came to introspection, he considered himself well versed. He could figure out his problems quickly if he just immersed himself in thought.
But sharing them was something he had never done before. On earth, he hadn’t shared with his mother about the bullying he endured at school because he didn’t want to burden her. Even when he used to share with Elena, he would only vent and didn’t take any of her advice seriously.
He was simply too preoccupied at the time to listen to anyone else, even if it was his best friend. It was incredibly selfish of him, but that didn’t change the fact that it was how he acted.
Still, he collected his thoughts and steeled himself, telling Rose about his concerns. About how he felt constricted when he felt intimacy, about his fears when it came to relationships, and everything else.
Throughout the whole ordeal, Rose’s face didn’t change. She kept watching him with a warm smile as he poured out the complex feelings he had pent up since they had begun their relationship, maybe even before.
When he finally finished talking, an hour had passed and he felt truly relieved. Even if she hadn’t said anything to him yet, he felt like just talking to her about it lifted a massive weight off of his shoulders.
‘Why was I so scared to do this?’
Looking at Rose whose gaze was gentler than a calming spring, he wondered where his hesitation came from. He didn’t know, but he was glad he decided to take a step forward. And Rose didn’t wait for him to get anxious for her answer.
“I already knew.” Her smile never faded as she answered. “Well, I’m not a psychic who can know everything, but I could clearly see your hesitation a long time ago.”
Damien’s eyes widened, but Rose didn’t allow him to speak. Instead, she grabbed him and gently brought his head to her lap.
Damien was in a slight panic from her earlier words and didn’t resist her at all. Before he knew it, he was using her lap as a pillow as she calmly brushed her fingers through his hair. He had already frozen long ago, silently accepting her actions.
“You know, I grew up in a generally awkward family situation. After all, my father has over 100 wives.”
“100?!”
Damien’s eyes practically bulged at this. He wasn’t even able to pay attention to her story anymore because of this ridiculous number.
Rose lightly smacked his head, regaining his attention. “Pay attention, silly. As I was saying, the sheer number of women in my father’s harem made life confusing for me.
“As a child, I always wondered if I was truly loved by my parents, or if I should feel disgusted at the thought of 100 women sharing a single man. This thought was only amplified when I learned about the existence of monogamous families.
“At that time, my father was rarely able to spend time with me due to his duties as an emperor and some issues that were taking place within the empire, so my doubts were even more exemplified.
“And so, I started becoming scared. I was scared that one day I’d end up in a situation where I found a husband and he ignored me like I saw my father doing with his wives. I was just like every other little girl, dreaming about a Prince Charming who would swoop me off my feet, but it felt like my dreams were being shattered.
“It got to the point where even when he came to visit me and my mother, I would hide from him, unable to look at his face.
“And then, my childhood was robbed from me. There was a small coup that was planned by some old ministers of the empire and due to their jealousy, some of my father’s wives joined their cause.
“My mother was his favorite, his first wife, and one of the few he truly loved. That night, they poisoned her and killed her while she was sleeping.”
Reaching this point, Rose’s face became pained. Still, she endured her sadness and continued talking.
“After that night, I lost my ability to trust anyone. I secluded myself in my mother’s room and cried myself to sleep every night. I would lash out at anyone who tried to get near me and cause trouble wherever I could.
“And you know the part that hurt the most? It was the fact that my mother was still smiling when she died. She smiled as if she knew this would happen, yet didn’t move to stop it. And her final words? She told me to never blame my father for what happened. But that didn’t stop me. Who else was I supposed to blame?
“I hated her for that for a few years of my life. I was disgusted by the fact that she loved such a man who caused her death. I abhorred the concept of a harem because if my father had stayed loyal to only my mother, she wouldn’t have died.
“And the family situation at the time didn’t help in the slightest. Even if the coup was stopped, its aftermath still lingered. One of my half-sisters thought that it would be the best time to get rid of me as well.
“Even at a young age, we were still aware of the fight for the throne. One day, this sister I thought was my biggest support pillar took me to a secluded place and attempted to have me killed by a beast. I didn’t know at the time, but if not for a shadow guard that my father had assigned to protect me, I wouldn’t be standing here today.
“Time passed like this but I never got better. I turned 15, the marriageable age in Apeiron, and countless sons of noble families came to court me. But that’s also when I began seeing these threads and colors that connected every single being.
“I was able to clearly see their feelings. The fact that they were either there to increase the standing of their families or out of pure lust, I rarely saw one who truly loved or even liked me.
“And since I had been surrounded by filth, I even pushed away the ones that truly cared. I was never able to get rid of the nagging thought that they would someday betray me as those women did with my father and how my sister did to me.
“I ran away from the castle, wanting to get fresh air and escape my responsibilities, but even that was disallowed. Within a few hours time, my father found me and promptly took me back to the castle. It was that day when he first showed how much he truly cared.
Rose began reminiscing. She remembered her father’s words from that night clearly. Instead of taking her back to the castle, he had taken her to the highest peak on Apeiron to watch the stars.
“You know,” he said, “Agata always had a knack for predicting the future. It was almost like she was performing divinations.”
The emperor stared at the stars, his gaze melancholic and filled with pain. “I felt there was something wrong in the weeks before her death, but regardless of any persuasion, she wouldn’t tell me.
“I found out what was going on too late. She had already reached the point of no return. But she sent me one final mental transmission. Do you want to know what she said?”
James looked at his daughter with a loving gaze, hiding his sadness. “She simply told me to look after you. To make sure that the two of us never drift apart and to make sure we live our lives filled with love. I truly don’t understand how such a caring woman ever fell for me.”
Rose remembered looking at her father. She could feel his pain in his words, and through her eyes, she could see the endlessly red string that connected him to the ground. Even after her death, Rose’s mother still retained her father’s deepest affection.
Rose looked at Damien, who was intently listening to her story, with a similar yet entirely different loving gaze.
“We talked for hours after that. About his love story with my mother, her countless quirks, and what made her the powerful woman she used to be. It was that day that I finally began to heal.”
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The group reached Damien’s house and separated into their own rooms, with Rose following Damien to his. It wasn’t abnormal for this to happen, so nobody questioned it.
Entering the room, Rose went directly to the bed, patting the spot next to her as if asking Damien to sit.
He was a bit flabbergasted by her actions but did as she said anyway. It was strange to him that she would act like this before he even said anything.
“So? It was pretty obvious on the way here, what did you want to talk about?”
Damien’s eyes widened. He was sure he had kept his facial expressions as deadpan as possible so as to avoid dropping any hints, but it seemed he didn’t do as well as he originally thoughts.
Although he had built up the resolve to communicate with Rose about what he was feeling, it was different when they actually got to the point. Damien was feeling incredibly nervous for no real reason.
Thinking he should communicate and actually bringing himself to do so were two different things entirely. When it came to introspection, he considered himself well versed. He could figure out his problems quickly if he just immersed himself in thought.
But sharing them was something he had never done before. On earth, he hadn’t shared with his mother about the bullying he endured at school because he didn’t want to burden her. Even when he used to share with Elena, he would only vent and didn’t take any of her advice seriously.
He was simply too preoccupied at the time to listen to anyone else, even if it was his best friend. It was incredibly selfish of him, but that didn’t change the fact that it was how he acted.
Still, he collected his thoughts and steeled himself, telling Rose about his concerns. About how he felt constricted when he felt intimacy, about his fears when it came to relationships, and everything else.
Throughout the whole ordeal, Rose’s face didn’t change. She kept watching him with a warm smile as he poured out the complex feelings he had pent up since they had begun their relationship, maybe even before.
When he finally finished talking, an hour had passed and he felt truly relieved. Even if she hadn’t said anything to him yet, he felt like just talking to her about it lifted a massive weight off of his shoulders.
‘Why was I so scared to do this?’
Looking at Rose whose gaze was gentler than a calming spring, he wondered where his hesitation came from. He didn’t know, but he was glad he decided to take a step forward. And Rose didn’t wait for him to get anxious for her answer.
“I already knew.” Her smile never faded as she answered. “Well, I’m not a psychic who can know everything, but I could clearly see your hesitation a long time ago.”
Damien’s eyes widened, but Rose didn’t allow him to speak. Instead, she grabbed him and gently brought his head to her lap.
Damien was in a slight panic from her earlier words and didn’t resist her at all. Before he knew it, he was using her lap as a pillow as she calmly brushed her fingers through his hair. He had already frozen long ago, silently accepting her actions.
“You know, I grew up in a generally awkward family situation. After all, my father has over 100 wives.”
“100?!”
Damien’s eyes practically bulged at this. He wasn’t even able to pay attention to her story anymore because of this ridiculous number.
Rose lightly smacked his head, regaining his attention. “Pay attention, silly. As I was saying, the sheer number of women in my father’s harem made life confusing for me.
“As a child, I always wondered if I was truly loved by my parents, or if I should feel disgusted at the thought of 100 women sharing a single man. This thought was only amplified when I learned about the existence of monogamous families.
“At that time, my father was rarely able to spend time with me due to his duties as an emperor and some issues that were taking place within the empire, so my doubts were even more exemplified.
“And so, I started becoming scared. I was scared that one day I’d end up in a situation where I found a husband and he ignored me like I saw my father doing with his wives. I was just like every other little girl, dreaming about a Prince Charming who would swoop me off my feet, but it felt like my dreams were being shattered.
“It got to the point where even when he came to visit me and my mother, I would hide from him, unable to look at his face.
“And then, my childhood was robbed from me. There was a small coup that was planned by some old ministers of the empire and due to their jealousy, some of my father’s wives joined their cause.
“My mother was his favorite, his first wife, and one of the few he truly loved. That night, they poisoned her and killed her while she was sleeping.”
Reaching this point, Rose’s face became pained. Still, she endured her sadness and continued talking.
“After that night, I lost my ability to trust anyone. I secluded myself in my mother’s room and cried myself to sleep every night. I would lash out at anyone who tried to get near me and cause trouble wherever I could.
“And you know the part that hurt the most? It was the fact that my mother was still smiling when she died. She smiled as if she knew this would happen, yet didn’t move to stop it. And her final words? She told me to never blame my father for what happened. But that didn’t stop me. Who else was I supposed to blame?
“I hated her for that for a few years of my life. I was disgusted by the fact that she loved such a man who caused her death. I abhorred the concept of a harem because if my father had stayed loyal to only my mother, she wouldn’t have died.
“And the family situation at the time didn’t help in the slightest. Even if the coup was stopped, its aftermath still lingered. One of my half-sisters thought that it would be the best time to get rid of me as well.
“Even at a young age, we were still aware of the fight for the throne. One day, this sister I thought was my biggest support pillar took me to a secluded place and attempted to have me killed by a beast. I didn’t know at the time, but if not for a shadow guard that my father had assigned to protect me, I wouldn’t be standing here today.
“Time passed like this but I never got better. I turned 15, the marriageable age in Apeiron, and countless sons of noble families came to court me. But that’s also when I began seeing these threads and colors that connected every single being.
“I was able to clearly see their feelings. The fact that they were either there to increase the standing of their families or out of pure lust, I rarely saw one who truly loved or even liked me.
“And since I had been surrounded by filth, I even pushed away the ones that truly cared. I was never able to get rid of the nagging thought that they would someday betray me as those women did with my father and how my sister did to me.
“I ran away from the castle, wanting to get fresh air and escape my responsibilities, but even that was disallowed. Within a few hours time, my father found me and promptly took me back to the castle. It was that day when he first showed how much he truly cared.
Rose began reminiscing. She remembered her father’s words from that night clearly. Instead of taking her back to the castle, he had taken her to the highest peak on Apeiron to watch the stars.
“You know,” he said, “Agata always had a knack for predicting the future. It was almost like she was performing divinations.”
The emperor stared at the stars, his gaze melancholic and filled with pain. “I felt there was something wrong in the weeks before her death, but regardless of any persuasion, she wouldn’t tell me.
“I found out what was going on too late. She had already reached the point of no return. But she sent me one final mental transmission. Do you want to know what she said?”
James looked at his daughter with a loving gaze, hiding his sadness. “She simply told me to look after you. To make sure that the two of us never drift apart and to make sure we live our lives filled with love. I truly don’t understand how such a caring woman ever fell for me.”
Rose remembered looking at her father. She could feel his pain in his words, and through her eyes, she could see the endlessly red string that connected him to the ground. Even after her death, Rose’s mother still retained her father’s deepest affection.
Rose looked at Damien, who was intently listening to her story, with a similar yet entirely different loving gaze.
“We talked for hours after that. About his love story with my mother, her countless quirks, and what made her the powerful woman she used to be. It was that day that I finally began to heal.”
The group reached Damien's house and separated into their own rooms, with Rose following Damien to his. It wasn't abnormal for this to happen, so nobody questioned it.Entering the room, Rose went directly to the bed, patting the spot next to her as if asking Damien to sit.He was a bit flabbergasted by her actions but did as she said anyway. It was strange to him that she would act like this before he even said anything.So? It was pretty obvious on the way here, what did you want to talk about?Damien's eyes widened. He was sure he had kept his facial expressions as deadpan as possible so as to avoid dropping any hints, but it seemed he didn't do as well as he originally thoughts.Although he had built up the resolve to communicate with Rose about what he was feeling, it was different when they actually got to the point. Damien was feeling incredibly nervous for no real reason.Thinking he should communicate and actually bringing himself to do so were two different things entirely. When it came to introspection, he considered himself well versed. He could figure out his problems quickly if he just immersed himself in thought.But sharing them was something he had never done before. On earth, he hadn't shared with his mother about the bullying he endured at school because he didn't want to burden her. Even when he used to share with Elena, he would only vent and didn't take any of her advice seriously.He was simply too preoccupied at the time to listen to anyone else, even if it was his best friend. It was incredibly selfish of him, but that didn't change the fact that it was how he acted.Still, he collected his thoughts and steeled himself, telling Rose about his concerns. About how he felt constricted when he felt intimacy, about his fears when it came to relationships, and everything else.Throughout the whole ordeal, Rose's face didn't change. She kept watching him with a warm smile as he poured out the complex feelings he had pent up since they had begun their relationship, maybe even before.When he finally finished talking, an hour had passed and he felt truly relieved. Even if she hadn't said anything to him yet, he felt like just talking to her about it lifted a massive weight off of his shoulders.Why was I so scared to do this?'Looking at Rose whose gaze was gentler than a calming spring, he wondered where his hesitation came from. He didn't know, but he was glad he decided to take a step forward. And Rose didn't wait for him to get anxious for her answer.I already knew. Her smile never faded as she answered. Well, I'm not a psychic who can know everything, but I could clearly see your hesitation a long time ago.Damien's eyes widened, but Rose didn't allow him to speak. Instead, she grabbed him and gently brought his head to her lap.Damien was in a slight panic from her earlier words and didn't resist her at all. Before he knew it, he was using her lap as a pillow as she calmly brushed her fingers through his hair. He had already frozen long ago, silently accepting her actions.You know, I grew up in a generally awkward family situation. After all, my father has over 100 wives.100?!Damien's eyes practically bulged at this. He wasn't even able to pay attention to her story anymore because of this ridiculous number.Rose lightly smacked his head, regaining his attention. Pay attention, silly. As I was saying, the sheer number of women in my father's harem made life confusing for me.As a child, I always wondered if I was truly loved by my parents, or if I should feel disgusted at the thought of 100 women sharing a single man. This thought was only amplified when I learned about the existence of monogamous families.At that time, my father was rarely able to spend time with me due to his duties as an emperor and some issues that were taking place within the empire, so my doubts were even more exemplified.And so, I started becoming scared. I was scared that one day I'd end up in a situation where I found a husband and he ignored me like I saw my father doing with his wives. I was just like every other little girl, dreaming about a Prince Charming who would swoop me off my feet, but it felt like my dreams were being shattered.It got to the point where even when he came to visit me and my mother, I would hide from him, unable to look at his face.And then, my childhood was robbed from me. There was a small coup that was planned by some old ministers of the empire and due to their jealousy, some of my father's wives joined their cause.My mother was his favorite, his first wife, and one of the few he truly loved. That night, they poisoned her and killed her while she was sleeping.Reaching this point, Rose's face became pained. Still, she endured her sadness and continued talking.After that night, I lost my ability to trust anyone. I secluded myself in my mother's room and cried myself to sleep every night. I would lash out at anyone who tried to get near me and cause trouble wherever I could.And you know the part that hurt the most? It was the fact that my mother was still smiling when she died. She smiled as if she knew this would happen, yet didn't move to stop it. And her final words? She told me to never blame my father for what happened. But that didn't stop me. Who else was I supposed to blame?I hated her for that for a few years of my life. I was disgusted by the fact that she loved such a man who caused her death. I abhorred the concept of a harem because if my father had stayed loyal to only my mother, she wouldn't have died.And the family situation at the time didn't help in the slightest. Even if the coup was stopped, its aftermath still lingered. One of my half-sisters thought that it would be the best time to get rid of me as well.Even at a young age, we were still aware of the fight for the throne. One day, this sister I thought was my biggest support pillar took me to a secluded place and attempted to have me killed by a beast. I didn't know at the time, but if not for a shadow guard that my father had assigned to protect me, I wouldn't be standing here today.Time passed like this but I never got better. I turned 15, the marriageable age in Apeiron, and countless sons of noble families came to court me. But that's also when I began seeing these threads and colors that connected every single being.I was able to clearly see their feelings. The fact that they were either there to increase the standing of their families or out of pure lust, I rarely saw one who truly loved or even liked me.And since I had been surrounded by filth, I even pushed away the ones that truly cared. I was never able to get rid of the nagging thought that they would someday betray me as those women did with my father and how my sister did to me.I ran away from the castle, wanting to get fresh air and escape my responsibilities, but even that was disallowed. Within a few hours time, my father found me and promptly took me back to the castle. It was that day when he first showed how much he truly cared.Rose began reminiscing. She remembered her father's words from that night clearly. Instead of taking her back to the castle, he had taken her to the highest peak on Apeiron to watch the stars.You know, he said, Agata always had a knack for predicting the future. It was almost like she was performing divinations.The emperor stared at the stars, his gaze melancholic and filled with pain. I felt there was something wrong in the weeks before her death, but regardless of any persuasion, she wouldn't tell me.I found out what was going on too late. She had already reached the point of no return. But she sent me one final mental transmission. Do you want to know what she said?James looked at his daughter with a loving gaze, hiding his sadness. She simply told me to look after you. To make sure that the two of us never drift apart and to make sure we live our lives filled with love. I truly don't understand how such a caring woman ever fell for me.Rose remembered looking at her father. She could feel his pain in his words, and through her eyes, she could see the endlessly red string that connected him to the ground. Even after her death, Rose's mother still retained her father's deepest affection.Rose looked at Damien, who was intently listening to her story, with a similar yet entirely different loving gaze.We talked for hours after that. About his love story with my mother, her countless quirks, and what made her the powerful woman she used to be. It was that day that I finally began to heal.
